There Was A Murder Next Door And Now My Wife Is Afraid

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: There Was A Murder Next Door And Now My Wife Is Afraid

Date: October 2, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network (Multiple hosts featured)

---

Overview

In this episode, the hosts address a deeply personal and traumatic listener call: a family experienced a murder in the house next door. The caller's wife, a stay-at-home mom with two young children, no longer feels safe in their home or neighborhood, and now wants to move. The conversation explores the emotional impact of neighborhood trauma, the logic behind feelings of safety versus actual danger, and practical advice for healing and making wise decisions.

---

Key Discussion Points

1. The Incident and Its Immediate Impact

• [00:11–00:38] Caller ("Jake") explains that a murder occurred next door, and his wife no longer feels safe.
• The incident was a domestic violence case—no random threat to the community.
• Jake reassures the hosts there was no gang violence or crime spree, just "a crazy guy decided to go after some family members."

Notable Quote

“It was just a crazy guy decided to try and just succeeded in killing one of his daughters and then tried to kill another one of his other kids.” — Jake, [00:46]

2. Assessing the Actual Danger

• [01:13–02:10]
  • Hosts clarify there was no ongoing risk to Jake’s family.
  • They untangle the difference between emotional trauma and logical assessment of risk.
• Hosts emphasize that fear is understandable, but the crime was familial and targeted, not a neighborhood danger.

Notable Quote

“So there’s no danger presented to your house except for stray bullets?” — Host C, [01:56]

3. The Trauma Response vs. Logic

• [02:17–03:45]
  • Discussion around how trauma and logic interplay; emotions must be recognized but evaluated logically.
  • The hosts encourage acknowledging trauma, distinguishing it from a real, ongoing threat.
• They validate Jake's wife's emotions as normal, noting the police presence and violence is inherently traumatizing.

Notable Quote

“It is emotional and it’s logical, but emotions need to be run by logic... A traumatic thing happened next door. It was traumatic... But that’s traumatic and dealing with that trauma is a valid thing... That’s different than ‘we’re in danger.’” — Host C, [02:17]

4. Supporting the Family, Especially the Wife

• [03:45–05:13]
  • The hosts stress that trauma “goes with you”—moving may not resolve fear if it’s rooted in unprocessed trauma.
  • They advocate for therapy over relocation as a first response.
  • The caller admits wanting to provide whatever makes his wife feel safe, but the hosts encourage dealing with the root cause.

Notable Quote

“Dr. John Delony would say that she’s not going to feel safe anywhere because the lack of safety is not due to the actual presence of crime. It’s due to the trauma, and the trauma’s inside of her. And it’s going to go wherever you move.” — Host C, [03:45]

5. Practical Advice: Therapy before Major Decisions

• [04:12–05:42]
  • Recommendation: see a therapist to work through trauma.
  • Emphasis is on emotional processing before considering moving as a solution.
• They discuss how trauma, if unaddressed, can “come with you” and resurface in other places.

Notable Quote

“I think you guys need to see a therapist. She’s been through hell. You have somebody help her with her trauma.” — Host C, [04:12]

6. The Notion of “Ickiness” and Stigma

• [06:36–07:41]
  • The hosts distinguish between moving because of ongoing fear (“I don’t feel safe”) and moving due to the uncomfortable stigma or “ickiness.”
  • They recount an anecdote on real estate stigma and how a house where a tragic event occurred gets labeled, impacting perception.
  • Moving due to lasting negative feelings is valid, but should not be confused with solving trauma.

Notable Quote

“It’ll always be the murder house as long as you live there... But the ickiness is a reason to move, but not if you’re actually using the ‘I don’t feel safe.’ Then that tells me she needs some other stuff. She needs some other help with this.” — Host C, [06:41]

7. The Importance of Wise, Not Rash, Financial Decisions

• [08:07–08:17]
  • Urges the caller not to make big financial choices (like moving) based on heightened, unprocessed emotions.
  • Advocates for patience: "Let some settle," do emotional work, then re-evaluate.

Notable Quote

“What you don’t want to do is make a stupid financial decision based on the heightened emotion either. So just let some settle.” — Host A, [08:07]

---

Memorable Moments & Quotes with Timestamps

• On Logical Assessment vs. Emotional Reality:

  “It is emotional and it’s logical, but emotions need to be run by logic... That’s different than ‘we’re in danger.’” — Host C, [02:17]

• On Trauma Following You:

  “If you move across town, you’re going to be afraid when you’re walking. Still. Does that make sense?” — Host C, [05:13]

• On the Role of Therapy:

  “I would sit down with a therapist. I really would, because I think your wife’s really been traumatized.” — Host C, [05:34]

• On Stigma and “Ickiness”:

  “I might move anyway. Just ickiness. I can move off of ickiness memory.” — Host C, [06:36]

• On Financial Prudence:

  “What you don’t want to do is make a stupid financial decision based on the heightened emotion either. So just let some settle.” — Host A, [08:07]

---

Actionable Takeaways

• Acknowledge and address trauma through therapy, not just through changing environments.
• Differentiate between logical safety and emotional responses—recognize when feelings stem from trauma and need separate attention.
• Refrain from major decisions (like moving) immediately after trauma; let emotions settle before changing your financial situation.
• It’s okay to move if you simply “can’t shake the ickiness,” but recognize that moving will not automatically fix feelings of fear that come from trauma.

---

Episode Tone and Style

The conversation is empathetic, direct, and pragmatic—true to The Ramsey Show’s hallmark mix of compassion and tough love. The hosts blend logical analysis with emotional understanding, reinforcing the importance of financial and relational health in moments of crisis.

---

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by chm, A biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget so issue or problem.

[B]

That came up is we had a murder happen right next door in our home.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah. My wife is a stay at home mom with two under two at home. My two little ladies. And so obviously like she was at home and everything went down and all that fun stuff with all the cops showing up, but. But. So she doesn't feel safe there anymore. It wasn't like a gang violence thing. It was just a.

[A]

Was it random guy?

[B]

Yes, I would say. Oh, I guess you could call it random. It's like a crazy guy decided to go after some family members. I'll put it that way.

[C]

So, I'm sorry, say that again.

[B]

Yeah, a crazy guy just decided to try and just succeeded in killing one of his. One of his daughters and then tried to kill another one of his other kids.

[C]

So wait a minute. The murder was domestic violence going crazy. He knew the people he was killing and they had nothing to do with your family?

[B]

Correct.

[C]

So this is not a crime spree in the neighborhood. This is crazy. People lived next door?

[B]

Yes, sir.

[C]

Okay, so why would your wife be afraid?

[B]

Well, she was at home through.

[C]

No, no. But do you have crazy people in your family that are going to come attack you? Because that's what happened.

[B]

Not that I know of.

[C]

Well, that's what happened. Not that I know of.

[A]

It could be, but I feel the same way, Jake. I feel the same way.

[C]

Next to one of them. Oh, brother. No, seriously. So, I mean, if I would be afraid, I would be. It'd be logical to be afraid if this was a random act of crime in the neighborhood. But this was associated with the family and the people in the. A family member did this to another family member. Am I correct?

[B]

Yes, that's correct.

[C]

So there's no. There was no danger presented to your house except for stray bullets?

[B]

Yep, exactly.

[C]

Okay, so there's. Now that he's gone, there's no. There's no danger other than all the ickiness of this.

[B]

Yes, exactly. That's my very logical brain. That's not very emotional brain, I'll put it that way. Works.

[C]

Well. No, that's just. It is emotional and it's logical, but emotions need to be run by logic, and we need to accept both. They're both. It's valid to say a traumatic thing happened next door. It was traumatic to me and my wife and my little girls, that cop cars were everywhere and people died. Over there. But that's traumatic and dealing with that trauma is a valid thing and that's a sweet thing for you to do and you and your wife to work on together. That's different than. We're in danger.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay. And they're very separate things.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. All right. I'm back with you now. I had to catch up because I didn't know the story enough. All right. I'm sorry. Y' all been through this. How old are your baby? How old are your babies?

[A]

Under two.

[B]

One just turned through yesterday or today. And then another one. The other one is five month old.

[C]

Oh, so the five month old has no idea. And the two year old might have seen a cop car. So really it's. Your wife was traumatized by it.

[B]

Yes. That is 100 correct.

[C]

Because I don't think the two year old grasps are probably what's going on.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I. The kids are just fine. They thought it was a fun thing.

[A]

And you're. And what she's saying, Jake.

[C]

So because of all this, she's saying she wants to move?

[B]

Yes, exactly. She just doesn't feel safe going on walks in the neighborhood anymore. Doesn't want the little ones playing out in the backyard as much. And just so she is feeling like she needs to move and I want to be able to provide that for her.

[C]

Let me stop you. Dr. John Deloney would say that she's not going to feel safe anywhere because the lack of safety is not due to the actual presence of crime. It's due to the trauma and the traumas inside of her. And it's going to go wherever you move.

[B]

Okay. This happened like a couple of weeks ago. I've been talking to my wife quite a bit. She still feels how she feels. Do you guys have any advice in navigating?

[C]

Yeah, I think you guys need to see a therapist. She's been through hell. You have somebody help her with her trauma. Yeah. I mean, I'm not faulting that she has these feelings there. I would feel the same way.

[A]

Yeah. It's creepy. Oh, it's weird. It's super weird.

[C]

Yeah, it's super weird. But it's not. It's also the. The cause.

[A]

Yeah. There was a break in of, you.

[C]

Know, if there was a random. If there were people. There were people breaking in Rachel's neighborhood. There was guys going in and knocking doors in and stuff in her neighborhood and they caught them. So everybody feels safer now in her neighborhood. Okay. But that was not associated with a single family thing. If the next door neighbor's 16 year old stole his mother's diamond brooch and sold it to buy drugs. That doesn't make you scared. Unless he's going to come in your house and steal your diamond brooch. Right. There's no logical reason to be afraid when you're walking except that you've been traumatized. And that means if you move across town, you're going to be afraid when you're walking. Still. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yes, it makes so I don't care.

[C]

If you move, but I don't want you to think moving is actually going to fix it.

[A]

It's going to solve her fear.

[C]

It's not going to solve it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So I would. I would challenge you. I think I'm okay with you moving. I might move, but I'm not going to move because I don't feel safe.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because that tells me that I haven't dealt with my trauma yet. So I would sit down with a therapist. I really would because I think your wife's really been traumatized.

[A]

It's fair. Well, there was a murder in the neighborhood next to us. Hello. And it was terrible, but it was a family oriented thing.

[C]

We would be traumatized.

[A]

Yeah, it's so scary. But also my kids will still ride their bikes in that neighborhood because it wasn't to your point.

[C]

It's not a drive by shooting dangerous people around you.

[A]

Right.

[C]

It's not what's going on. But your wife has now internalized it is what I'm saying. And that's okay. I understand. It's a wound. Trauma is a wound. It's a valid thing for her to be scared and to have gone through this. But to extrapolate that to if I live on the other side of town, I won't be afraid. When this had nothing to do with the house, then that means you got something else to work on. So I would see if it was me, we would sit down together and see a therapist.

[A]

Six months of that and then if it's for some reason still not good, then maybe try the move.

[C]

I don't know. I might move anyway. Just ickiness. I can move off of ickiness memory.

[A]

The memory is just.

[C]

Ickiness is weird because it'll always be the Myrtle house as long as you live there. I mean, it's weird. Like. So, yeah, I bought a house one time when I was buying and selling real estate that a guy had been killed in. And it was like it had a stigma the neighborhood, but the people that bought it had no idea. And it Wasn't. I mean, I didn't have any idea when I bought it. Sure, I didn't care. I was buying a foreclosure. Right. Right. And so. But it was. But it's still. There's an ickiness. I mean, a life was ended there. It's weird. It's just strange. So the ickiness is a reason to move, but not if you're actually using the. I don't feel safe. Then that tells me she needs some other stuff. She needs some other help with this. And that's okay. It's not. It doesn't mean she's a bad person. It doesn't mean she's. You know, it just means she went through some trauma and. But don't take that with you to the other side of town and then go, well, I can never go outside the rest of my life and walk because one time 42 years ago, there was a murder next door and I never dealt with my trauma. That's how stuff develops. And so you don't want to live there. And I'm channeling my inner Dr. John.

[A]

I know. I was going to say you said internalize. You were using some.

[C]

Using some John Deloney words.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I was like, man, trauma goes with you.

[C]

Well, I've been hanging out with him. I've been learning from him. He's like, smart dude.

[A]

It's good.

[C]

So there we go.

[A]

It's real, though. So real.

[C]

That's so sad. I'm sorry y' all been through that. I know. And I'm just glad. I'm glad everybody's okay.

[A]

What you don't want to do is make a stupid financial decision based on the heightened emotion either. So just let some settle. Yes.

[C]

Be calm.

[A]

Go do some work. And then if you guys need to make a wise decision decision to move, do that.

[C]

And ickiness is an okay decision, but that's. Nothing wrong with that.

[A]

CHM isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry. Check it out for [e-mail] budget.