"There's Consequences For Being A Butt"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "There's Consequences For Being A Butt"

Episode Overview In the June 11, 2025 episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the Ramsey Network hosts Rachel Cruze and Dr. John Deloney address a caller's predicament regarding fostering financial responsibility in her adult son. The discussion delves into parental expectations, accountability, and the importance of instilling gratitude and humility in children to prepare them for real-world challenges.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Teaching Financial Responsibility

The episode opens with a concerned parent seeking advice on managing her 22-year-old son's financial behavior. The caller explains:

[00:11] Caller: "My son is graduating college this month debt-free with no student loans, thanks to many years of savings and sacrifice by my husband and myself. Recently, he was sick and went to urgent care instead of his on-campus doctor. We told him we have a high deductible medical plan and urgent care is costly. Well, it ended up being $700 for the sick visit, so we were nice to pay $500 for the bill, even though it came to his name. And I asked him to pay the remaining $200 as a step towards financial responsibility and he refuses to pay it."

She elaborates that her son believes the parents should cover the remaining $200, citing that he's under their medical plan:

[01:00] Caller: "He states that it's, you know, has to do with his health. And he's under our medical plan, so he feels that his mom and dad should pay it."

The caller expresses frustration over her son's reluctance to contribute, despite her and her husband's significant sacrifices during his upbringing.

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Expert Opinions: Rachel Cruze and Dr. John Deloney

Rachel Cruze’s Perspective on Accountability

Rachel Cruze responds firmly, emphasizing the importance of consequences in teaching responsibility:

[01:29] Rachel Cruze: "No, I'm not. Not this entitled little twerp. He doesn't get to live there rent-free if he doesn't pay a bill... there's consequences to being a [butt]."

Cruze underscores that providing a safety net should not equate to enabling entitlement. She advocates for setting firm boundaries to instill financial discipline.

Dr. John Deloney’s Insights on Parental Roles

Dr. John Deloney concurs with Cruze, highlighting the need for parents to enforce accountability:

[03:15] Caller: "Yes, I am."

[03:16] John Deloney: "Oh, okay. Well, that changes everything for me. I'll just tell you, dude, you need a reality check... I don't like his attitude. I think it's absolutely ridiculous."

Deloney criticizes the son's attitude, suggesting that parents should not excuse financial irresponsibility, even in adulthood. He advocates for treating such situations seriously to prevent entitlement from taking root.

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Highlighting Key Conversations and Quotes

Throughout the episode, Cruze and Deloney engage in candid dialogue, emphasizing the necessity of consequences and the cultivation of gratitude and humility in children.

• On Setting Boundaries:

  [02:05] Rachel Cruze: "You're not gonna move in here until you pay that bill... You're too sweet."

• On Consequences of Entitlement:

  [02:32] Rachel Cruze: "You want me to have a little magic wand to spring fairy dust on his head and make him grow character?"

• On Parental Responsibility:

  [06:30] Rachel Cruze: "Gratitude starts with learning to say please and thank you."

• On Building Humble Children:

  [06:30] Rachel Cruze: "A grateful child becomes a humble child... Humble is I don't think the axis of the world runs through the top of my head."

These exchanges highlight the experts' shared belief in the importance of teaching children to take responsibility for their actions and to appreciate the support they receive.

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Key Insights and Takeaways

1. Importance of Accountability: Parents must enforce financial responsibility, even with adult children, to prevent entitlement.

2. Setting Boundaries: Allowing adult children to live rent-free should come with expectations of contributing financially, reinforcing the value of money.

3. Cultivating Gratitude and Humility: Teaching children to express gratitude and develop humility fosters contentment and peace, reducing the likelihood of unreasonable financial demands.

4. Consequences as Learning Tools: Implementing consequences for financial missteps serves as practical lessons in managing real-world challenges.

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Conclusion

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Rachel Cruze and Dr. John Deloney provide pragmatic advice to parents grappling with adult children’s financial attitudes. By emphasizing the necessity of accountability, setting clear boundaries, and fostering gratitude and humility, they guide parents toward raising financially responsible and grounded individuals. The discussion serves as a valuable resource for parents aiming to balance support with the imperative of instilling essential life skills in their children.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget My son is 22.

[Caller]

And is graduating college this month debt free with no student loans, thanks to many years of savings and sacrifice by my husband and myself. Recently, he was sick and went to urgent care instead of his on campus doctor. We told him we have a high deductible medical plan and urgent care is costly. Well, it ended up being $700 for the sick visit, so we were nice to pay $500 for the bill, even though it came to his name. And I asked him to pay the remaining $200 as a step towards financial responsibility and he refuses to pay it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Why?

[Caller]

So why? Wanted to get your advice.

[Rachel Cruze]

Why does he refuse to pay it?

[Caller]

He states that it's, you know, has to do with his health. And he's under our medical plan, so he feels that his mom and dad should pay it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay, So I want. Is he. Is he finished with school?

[Caller]

He's graduating this month. In May. Yes.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. All right.

[Caller]

And he will have an internship this summer. We're going to let him live at home rent free. But I feel.

[Rachel Cruze]

No, I'm not. Not this entitled little twerp. He doesn't get to live there rent free if he doesn't pay a bill. Because it's your responsibility when it's not. No way. Yeah, there's consequences to being a.

[Caller]

But we've paid, you know, for his college to wish.

[Rachel Cruze]

I heard that. I said there's consequences for being a. But.

[Caller]

That'S why I'm calling you to get. I want to hear what you're gonna say.

[Rachel Cruze]

You're not gonna move in in here until you pay that bill. I'll let you live here rent free, but I'm letting you live here rent free to get a good start. Not for being an entitled brat. And when you bow up and act like I owe you something after all this other stuff I've done for you. I don't owe you nothing. Not financially. All I owe you is a hard time new. You're not going to do that. But that's how I would do it. You're too sweet.

[Caller]

What do you.

[Rachel Cruze]

You want me to have a little magic wand to spring fairy dust on his head and make him grow character? You're going to have to bump him on the head, girl.

[John Deloney]

Yeah, I'm just curious. And I'm not. This isn't a setup. Question. I really want to know. What did you think that Dave and I were going to Say, what were you looking for? I mean, in all honesty, what were you looking for? Because you had a gut reaction, and then you said, well, I'm going to call and get their advice. What are you looking for?

[Caller]

I'm looking for because I want my son to hear this straight from Dave Ramsey's and your mouth, that his parents are not, you know, doing this to be mean.

[John Deloney]

Are you going to play this for him?

[Caller]

Yes, I am.

[John Deloney]

Oh, okay. Well, that changes everything for me. I'll just tell you, dude, you need a reality check. You ought to be apologizing to your parents and. And groveling all over yourself and gratitude for all they've done for you.

[Rachel Cruze]

Free car, free place to live, and you're acting like a punk. Over 200 bucks.

[John Deloney]

Pay the 200 bucks. And if I were your mom, I wouldn't even have called. I just told you, you're on your own on this. You figure it out. It's in your name, big shot. I don't like it at all. I don't like his attitude. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. If my son said it to me, I'd laugh and be legitimately entertained by that response, and he would know that this wasn't fake laughter. This is legitimate. Like, did you just say that to me?

[Rachel Cruze]

You are so confused. That's. You know, you are.

[John Deloney]

That's huge individual to me. So anyway, yeah, there you go. I don't know if he's going to listen to us. I don't think he is. But, yeah, you're gonna have to deal with it, Mom.

[Rachel Cruze]

So they paid the bill. They furnished medical care. They picked up 500 of the 700 after he went to a place they told him not to go, which would have been free.

[John Deloney]

Exhibit A.

[Rachel Cruze]

And then he bows up and acts entitled and says, you're supposed to furnish this to me. It's my right. Health care is a human right.

[John Deloney]

Well, I would have said, you make a great point that we cover your health care, but we told you where to go.

[Rachel Cruze]

You know what? I think he's been in a college with communist professors.

[John Deloney]

It might be. It might be. Well, I think he's just gotten away and he's just forgotten the chain of command and all that comes with the chain of command. It's just. It's. It's absurd. If I wouldn't have paid the 500, I just said, no, you got me a $700 bill. You're coming to me with a bill that's in your name. Number one, sparky. Number two, you went To a place that I told you not to. You've got a 700 problem is what you've got. And it's not mom and I's problem.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. Yeah. If you're big enough to get yourself in this mess, you're big enough to get yourself.

[John Deloney]

Carried yourself to that place. Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Carry yourself down to work and get you a job.

[John Deloney]

I promise you. And by the way, don't show up at my house this summer waiting for free rent. If you're going to. If you're going to stare me down, then let's stare each other down.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. Yeah. Don't come to. Don't come to a gunfight carrying a knife.

[John Deloney]

Yeah. It's like that scene in Indiana Jones where that guy goes. He's yelling and screaming and waving the knife, and Indy pulls out a gun and, you know, just drops him in the street. What are we doing here? Oh, my gosh.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's so cute.

[John Deloney]

She called.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's so cute, Mom. You asked for it.

[John Deloney]

So now we're the get off my lawn guys.

[Rachel Cruze]

But that's us. Hey, hey. I'm a boomer, and you're a wannabe boomer.

[John Deloney]

I'd prefer that if someone.

[Rachel Cruze]

You were actually born. You were born in the wrong generation, Coleman. I know you're grouchy old boomer.

[John Deloney]

I'll tell you what I'd love is that when a parent does this is actually put the kid on the line. I'll talk directly to him. Love to ask him about 37 questions. Before I ever make a statement. I'd have him in a pretzel. It's the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard of as a kid saying that kind of thing. But they do it all the time as part of being young. So Isn't it. Let me throw it to you. Isn't it our job in that moment? He's got to learn. And then the parents got to help him learn by being the bad guys here.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, yeah.

[John Deloney]

I don't think she wants to be the bad guy.

[Rachel Cruze]

Well, it's my spiritual gift. The.

[John Deloney]

Among many.

[Rachel Cruze]

But, you know, I think one of the things that we get asked more than anything else is how do I build wealth and not spoil my kids? And we were talking about this. Dr. John DeLoney and I were on tour last week and we were in several cities and we did Q and A in Kansas City and Phoenix and in Fort Worth and great Q and A. Great audiences everywhere we went. We had sellouts everywhere. Thank you guys for showing up. And one of the Things people want to know about is how to raise great kids in this environment. And one of the things that I've taught for years with our kids and now our grandkids is you start with gratitude. And everything when you're parenting is a muscle that must be built. So gratitude starts with learning to say please and thank you. Manners is gratitude. Gratitude is as soon as you're able to safely do it, to carry your dishes to the dishwasher and then look up at heaven and say, thank you Lord, that there is a dishwasher and I'm not it. Okay, that's gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Gratitude leads to and helps you as it grows, as it matures inside of a child. A grateful child becomes a humble child. And humble is not humiliated and it's not lacking in confidence. Humble is I'm other centered instead of self centered. That's all it is. Humble is I don't think the axis of the world runs through the top of my head. And then humility coupled with gratitude, you have a chance of creating someone to be content in this world where there is no one content and no one has peace. But you can sit in gratitude and in humility and have tremendous peace and just have fun and laugh about all this stuff. And if you've done all of that, then they don't 22 years old, they don't bring you a bill that doesn't even come up then. But you did that when they were 4 and 8. And every day, just like every day, you brush your teeth. Please and thank you. Yes, you will respect your mother and you will clean the dishes into the dishwasher. No, I don't care if you like it. It's your way of saying thank you because we let you live. Literally. We can make another one that looks just like you.

[Dave Ramsey]

CHM isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry. Check it out for yourself at chministries. Org Budget.