"There's No 'Fun' In Your Voice"

Summary

Podcast Summary: "There's No 'Fun' In Your Voice"

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host: Ramsey Network
Episode: "There's No 'Fun' In Your Voice"
Release Date: June 3, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Caller’s Situation

The episode opens with a listener, referred to as Caller B, reaching out for financial and relational advice. Caller B is grappling with significant life challenges, including managing a large household and striving to overcome debt. She identifies as being in Baby Step Two of Dave Ramsey’s financial plan, which focuses on paying off debt.

Caller B shares her financial landscape:

• Annual Income: She earns approximately $160,000 as an ultrasound technician, working two full-time jobs (nights and on-call days).
• Fiancé’s Income: Her fiancé makes around $50,000 annually working at a hospital on medical equipment.

Notable Quote:
"I work two full-time jobs and I'm just trying to get control." [00:07]

2. Challenges in the Relationship

Caller B reveals that she and her fiancé have been together for six years, raising five children together—two from her previous relationship and three from their current partnership. Additionally, she has recently adopted her nephew and is caring for his older brother, bringing the total number of children in her home to ten.

Despite their long-term relationship and co-parenting efforts, they have postponed marriage multiple times due to various reasons, including financial concerns and her father's illness.

Notable Quote:
"We're in therapy together, working on some relational issues." [03:05]

3. Financial Pressures and Budgeting

Financial strain is a significant concern for Caller B. Being the primary breadwinner with a high income, she feels overwhelmed managing the household expenses for a large family. She admits to struggling with budgeting, especially since her income fluctuates when considering both her and her fiancé’s earnings.

She mentions attempting to consolidate their finances before marriage, only to realize that it’s advised against doing so premaritally. To address this, she has recently downloaded the EveryDollar budgeting app but finds it challenging due to the inconsistency in her earnings.

Notable Quote:
"I just downloaded the EveryDollar budget app, which is tough for me because my income fluctuates, so I'm struggling." [07:09]

4. Fear of Marriage and Its Implications

A pivotal theme in the conversation is Caller B’s apprehension about getting married. Despite cohabitating and sharing financial responsibilities, she fears that formalizing the marriage could lead to further complications, especially concerning her children's acceptance of her fiancé.

Her children from previous relationships and her nephew are reportedly not supportive of her fiancé, sensing "red flags" and believing she deserves better. This familial tension exacerbates her reluctance to proceed with marriage, despite recognizing its potential benefits for their financial and relational stability.

Notable Quote:
"I'm scared because my child from another relationship and my nephew... Think I deserve better." [03:04]

5. Advice from the Host

The host (Speaker A) provides comprehensive advice, emphasizing the need for Caller B and her fiancé to make definitive decisions regarding their relationship and financial management. He references Henry Cloud’s book, Necessary Endings, to underscore the importance of ending relationships or situations that hinder personal and financial growth.

Key recommendations include:

• Commitment to Marriage: Formalizing their union to streamline financial and familial responsibilities.
• Therapeutic Intervention: Continuing therapy to address relational issues and build a stronger foundation.
• Financial Planning: Utilizing budgeting tools like EveryDollar post-marriage for cohesive financial management.
• Decisive Action: Choosing between fully committing to the relationship or amicably separating to alleviate financial and emotional stress.

Notable Quote:
"You can't keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. That's the definition of insanity, right?" [08:37]

6. Conclusion and Next Steps

The episode culminates with the host urging Caller B to take decisive action to improve her and her family's situation. He stresses that ambiguity in their relationship is causing suffering for the children and preventing financial progress. By committing to marriage and unified financial planning, they can achieve stability and work towards eliminating debt.

The host reiterates the importance of not delaying decisions any longer and encourages Caller B to leverage the EveryDollar app effectively once they are married to manage their finances more efficiently.

Notable Quote:
"We're all just running around in circles trying to make enough money and throw it in the middle of a pot. And we're running a little commune over here, and it's not working relationally." [05:48]

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Key Takeaways

• Decisive Commitment: Solidifying relationships through marriage can provide financial and emotional stability.
• Unified Financial Management: Combining finances post-marriage simplifies budgeting and debt management.
• Family Dynamics: Addressing familial concerns and ensuring children’s acceptance is crucial for a harmonious household.
• Therapeutic Support: Continuous therapy can aid in resolving relational issues and building a stronger partnership.
• Practical Tools: Utilizing budgeting apps like EveryDollar can assist in managing fluctuating incomes and large household expenses.

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This episode highlights the intricate balance between personal relationships and financial responsibilities, offering actionable advice for listeners facing similar challenges. By emphasizing commitment, clear communication, and structured financial planning, The Ramsey Show Highlights provides a roadmap for achieving both relational and financial well-being.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[B]

So I've kind of gotten myself or my life into a big mess and I stumbled across your show and I'm trying to take steps to get out of debt. So I guess I would be in baby step two. Yes. The problem I'm running into is before I came across your show, me and my fiance, I was, I was really big on trying to get us to kind of put our money together and kind of tackle this together. Now that I've kind of came across that, I learned it's a big no. No to put your money together before you are married. And I am the breadwinner of our house. We have 10 people in my home. So between, we have five children. And then I just adopted my nephew and I have his big brother at my house too. So I'm feeling all of this pressure. I work two full time jobs and I'm just trying to get control. He works a full time job at the hospital working on hospital equipment.

[A]

Okay. What does he earn?

[B]

I mean, he. Annually probably about 50. I want to say when I looked at his last year, I made 160.

[A]

Doing what now what do you do?

[B]

I'm an ultrasound technician. I work.

[A]

You're working a lot?

[B]

Yeah, I do full time nights and then I do full. I take call full time days, so I pretty much do 24 hours.

[A]

Two of you and the two of you have five children?

[B]

I had two from a previous marriage. Well, not marriage, just relationship. And then I put myself through school as a single mom and then I got my career and then I met him and we got pregnant quickly. And then since then we've been together for six years.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

And you guys have three kids together.

[A]

And he's your first?

[B]

We have three together. And when we've been engaged.

[A]

When are you planning to get married?

[B]

Well, at first we put it on hold because my father fell ill and I was his caretaker. And then we just haven't done it. One, finances. I felt like it was silly to spend money for, you know, a wedding.

[A]

Well, let me, let me ask you this. I'm just curious and I'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything, but you're, you're functioning in every way almost as if you're married now and have been for some time. So what's the difference in that and getting married this weekend for $50?

[B]

I'm scared because my.

[A]

What are you scared of? You already have children, you live together, you support him. What is there to Be scared of.

[B]

My child from another relationship and my nephew that I just got custody of. They're not big fans of him.

[A]

They're not what?

[B]

I don't know if they're big fans. Yeah. Like, I feel like there's red flags. They don't like him. They think I deserve better.

[A]

Six years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two children too late to ask some child their opinion of this guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They don't get a vote.

[B]

We're in therapy together, working on some relational issues. Do you feel like you'll be with him long term? I mean, do you want to marry him? I mean, most of the time I do feel like that, but it's more like we go through the motions of raising our kids. So sometimes I wonder, like, once the kids are grown up, the longevity, if that makes sense. Sometimes it feels like we're in this.

[A]

You guys. You guys are fabulous. Can kickers. You've kicked the can. Kick the can. Kick the can. Kick the can. Put it off. Kick the can, put it off. All these reasons and. And then still functioning as if you're married. And the reason I'm bringing all this up is it's not working for you. I'm listening to you, and there's no fun in your voice at all.

[B]

I think there's just a lot of fear. And I felt a lot of pressure because he's coming to me now. He's like, okay, let's put our money together. And I'm like, we're not.

[A]

No, we're going to get married. That's what we're going to do. Or we're not going to put our money together. And also, you know, if I woke up in your shoes, what would I do? That's how I answer questions here. Okay, so my friend Henry Cloud is a famous psychologist, and he wrote a book called Necessary Endings. And he says, you end any relationship, whether it's your job, whether it's contact with an extended family who's toxic, whether it's a situation like you're in, whatever the relationship is, you end it. Only when you lose hope that it can get better and be right does that make sense? And so I'm not going to be sitting here this time next year if I'm you in this exact same quandary, wondering if this is going to be okay. We're going to get in there with this therapist and go, look, we're going to walk around this really, really hard for 90 days, and we're going to see some serious progress. Or I'm going to call. Yeah, that Scares you even more.

[B]

Doesn't scares me. Because of the children. I don't want a broken home just because we're not.

[A]

But you need to decide, don't you, this painter. Get off the ladder. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you don't think the kids are suffering in this situation? Of course they're suffering. They're suffering from all this ambiguity. They don't know what the flip's going on because their mom doesn't know what the flip's going on, and their dad doesn't know what the flip's going on. And we're all just running around in circles trying to make enough money and throw it in the middle of a pot. And we're running a little commune over here, and it's not working relationally. Am I missing something?

[B]

I think I'm. I'm just afraid to get married. And then he's.

[A]

You're afraid of not getting married? You're afraid of getting married?

[B]

Yeah, I just want to take care of my family. And I think.

[A]

But here's the thing.

[B]

Wise. It makes sense for us to get married. But no, personal.

[A]

No, it doesn't. Not. Not if you're not. If you're not going to be married. Because divorces, I mean, marriage is grand. Divorce is 50 grand. No, we don't go through that. But you guys relationally need to make a decision. Are we, the two adults in the household, going to join forces and then take care of the little people, or is it best for us and the little people to be separate? But if we're going to join forces, we need to get six years. And you guys are dancing and dancing and dancing and dancing and dancing. You know, because the other thing is you put all of your financial dreams and everything on hold in the process, too. It's very difficult to make progress mathematically in this situation.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that's why. That's what. That's what. That's what actually prompted your call. And then I. Then I got all Papa Dave on you, so. But I'm just.

[B]

I just downloaded the Every Dollar budget app, which is. It's tough for me because my income fluctuates, so I'm struggling.

[A]

You'll be able to do that really, really easy when the two of you are married and put $210,000 in that puppy and start crunching through this stuff. And you and him are on the same page. And two grownups are running this house. Not the kids. The kids don't get a vote.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's new for me because he's Never wanted to put our money together before. It's always just been very separate.

[A]

You don't want to put your money together until you're married. But you guys have got to make a decision about this marriage. You either need to make a decision, we're going to start working very hard on the relationship. And by this point, and that's just.

[B]

For marriage to be the outcome.

[A]

The marriage is the outcome. Or we're going to call this. We're going to break this thing up, we're going to drop a grenade in the middle of it. Because what you're doing, you're telling us. We're not telling you. You're telling us what you're doing. The way you're doing life right now doesn't work. I'm afraid to get married. I'm afraid to break up the house. I'm afraid I can't get traction with the money. I can't get control. This is what you called us and started saying. I'm just repeating it back to you. And so you can't keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. That's the definition of insanity, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So that's what you're gonna do. I'm gonna beg you as my new friend that I love for the sake of you, for the sake of him, for the sake of these kids. You two need to look at each other and look at this therapist and go, okay, we're gonna make a decision. And in the next 90 or 120 days, we're gonna see such significant progress in this relationship that it's not perfect. There's always gonna be some fear. That's normal. But we're seeing progress to where we have hope enough that we can call this what it is, a marriage. Yeah. And then you put yourself together and then you start managing those little people and you start managing those dollars, and it all starts coming together in a much cleaner way. But this. You run around trying to mother hen everything from the outside with no connectivity, doesn't work. And no, you don't combine your money with him until you're married. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.