"These Two Behaviors Say You're Getting Divorced!"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights - "These Two Behaviors Say You're Getting Divorced!"

Release Date: April 11, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Duration: Under Ten Minutes

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "These Two Behaviors Say You're Getting Divorced!", the Ramsey Network host, Dave Ramsey, delves into the critical signs that may indicate the impending dissolution of a marriage. Through a heartfelt conversation with a caller facing marital challenges, Ramsey provides actionable financial advice while highlighting behavioral red flags that signal a marriage may be on the verge of divorce. Additionally, guest John Deloney joins the discussion to offer further insights into managing both emotional and practical aspects during such turbulent times.

---

Caller’s Situation

The episode begins with a caller reaching out to seek guidance amidst unexpected marital turmoil.

• Caller’s Initial Struggle:
  [00:06] The caller explains, “About five weeks ago, my wife, out of nowhere, said she wanted to separate. Came out of nowhere. Our marriage definitely had its ups and downs. We've always worked through it.”
  The couple is currently living apart, and the wife has unilaterally split their finances without prior discussion, adding to the caller’s confusion and distress.

• Financial Separation Anxiety:
  [01:08] The caller expresses concern: “But the thing that I don't. That I'm wary of is she can see what I'm doing, but I can't see what she's doing.”
  This lack of financial transparency exacerbates his anxiety about navigating the separation.

---

Dave Ramsey's Advice on Separation

Dave Ramsey provides clear, actionable steps to help the caller manage the separation effectively.

• Immediate Financial Separation:
  [00:45] Ramsey advises, “You separate them as if you're divorced.”
  This entails treating the separation as a de facto divorce, ensuring each party manages their own finances independently.

• Recombination Possibility:
  [00:57] He adds, “And then if there is an answer to prayer and reconciliation and you get back together, you recombine them.”
  This offers hope while establishing boundaries during the separation period.

• Practical Steps for Financial Independence:
  [01:02] Ramsey suggests, “Go up and go open a new checking account and have your check to. Sent to your checking account.”
  By opening separate accounts, both parties can regain financial privacy and control.

---

Financial Separation Steps

Ramsey outlines a systematic approach to disentangle shared finances, ensuring clarity and fairness.

• Closing Joint Accounts:
  [01:16] “Not anymore. You're going to go close that and open a new account because it's a joint account.”
  Closing joint accounts prevents further financial entanglement and potential misuse.

• Managing Bills Individually:
  [01:31] “You should go open a new checking account, have direct deposit sent over there, and then you pay what bills you're agreeing to pay during this separation while you negotiate the terms of the divorce.”
  This allows each party to manage their respective financial obligations independently.

• Handling Shared Debts:
  [02:38] Ramsey emphasizes that while debts may be shared, individual accountability for financial responsibilities should be clear: “You can send her a list of the bills that she needs to help you pay, but that doesn't mean you have to have combined checking accounts.”

---

Identification of Behaviors Indicating Divorce

A pivotal moment in the episode highlights two critical behaviors that often precede divorce, as identified by Ramsey and reinforced by guest John Deloney.

• Behavior One: Infidelity
  [02:47] Ramsey states, “I heard two very disturbing behaviors for the future of your marriage in this conversation so far... behavior number one, she's sleeping with someone else.”
  Infidelity often erodes trust, making reconciliation challenging.

• Behavior Two: Unilateral Financial Decisions
  [02:49] He continues, “behavior number two, she separated the money without even telling you.”
  Such sudden financial moves indicate a lack of respect and commitment to shared responsibilities, signaling a probable end to the marriage.

---

Role of Counseling and Legal Counsel

Throughout the conversation, the importance of counseling and legal advice is underscored as essential tools for navigating marital separation.

• Hope Through Counseling:
  [02:02] The caller mentions, “We're both in counseling. We're seeing the same counselor, but separate.”
  Engaging in counseling reflects a willingness to work through issues, even amidst separation.

• Legal Strategy:
  [05:53] Ramsey advises, “...you need to separate this, protect, and then come from a position of strength with an attorney in your corner...”
  Having legal representation ensures that financial and legal rights are safeguarded during the divorce process.

---

Insights from John Deloney

Guest John Deloney adds depth to the discussion by addressing the balance between hope and self-protection during marital crises.

• Balancing Hope and Protection:
  [06:25] Deloney shares, “you've got to separate hoping and praying for this marriage from protecting yourself. Protecting yourself doesn't mean that you can't hope and pray...”
  He emphasizes the necessity of maintaining emotional hope while simultaneously taking practical steps to protect one’s interests.

• Mental Strategy Amid Emotional Turmoil:
  [07:09] Deloney advises, “there has to be a mental approach to this alongside the emotional.”
  Developing a mental strategy helps individuals navigate the chaos of emotional distress during separation.

---

Conclusion and Final Advice

The episode culminates with Ramsey reiterating the importance of financial independence and legal preparedness, regardless of the desired outcome of reconciliation.

• Final Recommendations:
  [07:16] Ramsey summarizes, “...protect yourself and then come from a position of strength with an attorney in your corner of how we're going to reconcile or how we're going to split equitably under the law...”
  This ensures that whether the marriage dissolves or mends, financial and legal matters are handled justly.

• Encouragement and Support:
  [07:09] Ramsey expresses empathy, “I can't imagine,” acknowledging the caller’s pain while guiding him towards practical solutions.

---

Key Takeaways

1. Financial Separation:
   Treating separation as a de facto divorce by closing joint accounts and opening individual ones is crucial for financial autonomy.

2. Red Flags for Divorce:
   Infidelity and unilateral financial decisions are significant indicators that a marriage may be heading towards divorce.

3. Seek Professional Guidance:
   Engaging in both counseling and legal counsel is essential for navigating the emotional and practical challenges of marital separation.

4. Balance Hope with Protection:
   While maintaining hope for reconciliation, it's vital to protect one’s financial and legal interests to ensure fairness, irrespective of the relationship’s future.

---

This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for individuals facing marital separation, emphasizing the importance of proactive financial management, recognizing behavioral warning signs, and leveraging professional support to navigate the complex landscape of divorce.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Caller]

About five weeks ago, my wife, out of nowhere, said she wanted to separate. Came out of nowhere. Our marriage definitely had its ups and downs. We've always worked through it. Some other things I found out, but we're living apart right now. And about two weeks into this, she split up the finances completely without even telling me. So my question is, how do I best navigate this through this separation? Since we do, we are still legally and biblically married. How do we navigate handling finances right now?

[Dave Ramsey]

You separate them as if you're divorced.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And then if there is an answer to prayer and reconciliation and you get back together, you recombine them.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

You have direct deposit on your payroll.

[Caller]

Yes. And so does she.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Go up and go open a new checking account and have your. Have your check to. Sent to your checking account.

[Caller]

But the thing that I don't. That I'm wary of is she can see what I'm doing, but I can't see what she's doing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not if you do that.

[Caller]

Yes, she has access to my account.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not anymore. You're going to go close that and open a new account because it's a.

[Caller]

Because it's a joint. It was a joint account.

[Dave Ramsey]

Close it.

[Caller]

I'm just like. But she basically wants to continue paying down our debts.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, that's her problem. She's the one causing all this. So you asked me what you should do. What you should do is separate as if you are getting divorced. You should go open a new checking account, have direct deposit sent over there, and then you pay what bills you're agreeing to pay during this separation while you negotiate the terms of the divorce. Who gets what bills?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

If all of that. If all of that gets sidetracked and you end up reconciling, then you just go back to a joint account and you reconcile.

[Caller]

That's what. Because that's what I'm hoping and praying for. We're both in counseling. We're seeing the same counselor, but separate. She's. There was an affair on. Not my part, but I'm still willing to work through this. But I think the issue is our income is a lot different because I have a lot of chronic health issues, so I don't make as much. So the amount of debt that I have, I can't cover by myself. So that's why she was okay with, like, hey, if you need money, we can, like, work as a team to get everything paid off.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, I mean, you can send her a list of the bills that she needs to help you pay, but that doesn't mean you have to have combined checking accounts.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. Because here, John Deloney taught me a saying, and he taught me by sitting at my right, like Ken Coleman is right now. He says that behavior is a language. I heard two very disturbing behaviors for the future of your marriage in this conversation so far. Not verbiage, but actual behaviors. Behavior number one, she's sleeping with someone else. But behavior number two, she separated the money without even telling you. None of these. These two behaviors say you're getting divorced.

[Caller]

I do have to say the. The affair was emotional and it's kind of on the back burner. And he's going back to his wife, so I think that's burning out.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And she separated the money, so I don't believe that.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yet. I hope. I hope that's all right, and I hope you guys get back together, and I hope you're able to work your way through this. You're part of it. But in the meantime, you said, what would I do with my money? I would separate it completely. I would just completely separate it. And then if there are some common things we need to work on, you'll write your check towards that. She can write her check towards that. But we don't need to have everything in one pile anymore because she's doing a lot of sudden emotional things that are not pointing towards reconciliation.

[Caller]

Yeah. Because I think that what I didn't like is that since I'm self employed, one part of our. We had like one big account, but we had like, checking savings, savings, savings for, like, my taxes, medical, housing, and she divided all of that up. So I don't even have everything that I need for to pay the tax. The tax bill that I have coming up.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, she, you know, she don't have that. Right. She can't take money out of that account that has your name on it in this situation. The divorce court won't undo that and the judge would hand the money back to you.

[Caller]

So do you think I should sit down and just say, hey, what exactly is.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I think you try to get some clarity.

[Caller]

Exactly. Do you have.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, well, you know. And where's my dad got money, by the way? Hello. That'd be something I'd want to know. Yeah, the money that was for my taxes, it just disappeared a minute ago. And we had set that aside for taxes. It needs to be there and it needs to go to taxes. So I need that put back, like now. And. No, you can't Buy your boyfriend a car.

[Caller]

And there's about 20,000 set aside for. We're saving up for a home. 10,000 of that came from her boss, so I don't know what she.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't care where it came from. It's common property now.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you're. You have as much right to it as she does.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So, you know, we. We have a $20,000 savings account. You can't just make off with that money. You don't have that option legally, because.

[Caller]

Since we don't have kids, she was kind of wanting to push towards just doing the disillusion if it gets to that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not the way this is working so far.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Because she's much better at negotiating so far than you are.

[Caller]

Because I. Oh, you're right. And because I did speak to a divorce attorney in my family, advised me to do that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yes.

[Caller]

Check my rights. And it sounds like going that route would be more expensive for her because she makes so much more money than me, and she's got a 401k.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's not more expensive for her. It means that you get what the law says you get in the event of a divorce. The other route, you get what she says she's going to give you because you're going along with everything. So now you need some help in your corner, dude.

[John Deloney]

Yeah. JD, I'm just listening to this entire exchange with Dave, and I think you've got to separate hoping and praying for this marriage from protecting yourself. Protecting yourself doesn't mean that you can't hope and pray. So it's like, do the counseling, hope, pray, do everything you can, that it does work out. But at the same time, you must protect yourself and stand up for yourself in the midst of this. She's just rolling all over you, and it feels like in some cases, I heard you almost making excuses for. And I think you got to stop that. Hoping for the best, but also have some sense and protect yourself. So there's got to be a mental approach to this alongside the emotional. And, boy, do I. My heart breaks for you, jd. I mean, I feel for you.

[Dave Ramsey]

I can't imagine.

[John Deloney]

But you need a mental strategy while you're dealing with this emotional mess. And that's what Dave's telling you.

[Dave Ramsey]

So, my friend that does divorce counseling says that divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction. And so far in this conversation, you suck at this business. So you need to separate this, protect, and then come from a position of strength with an attorney in your corner of how we're going to reconcile or how we're going to split equitably under the law, not under what she wishes. She's got this fantasy in her head that is not reality. And she's getting ready to find that out. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.