Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "This Is Very Very Very Unhealthy"

Episode Information

• Title: This Is Very Very Very Unhealthy
• Host: Ramsey Network (Dave Ramsey)
• Release Date: April 29, 2025

Overview In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, host Dave Ramsey addresses a heartfelt and complex financial dilemma presented by a caller named Ashley. The discussion delves into the intersection of relationships, legal settlements, and financial planning, highlighting the importance of marital status in managing substantial financial gains and safeguarding familial interests.

Caller’s Situation: A Legal Settlement and Relationship Strain

Ashley initiates the conversation by sharing her recent traumatic experience and subsequent legal settlement:

• Loss and Settlement: Approximately two years prior, Ashley experienced a tragic loss of her baby due to medical malpractice and negligence. She is in the final stages of closing a lawsuit settlement, amounting to just over half a million dollars after legal fees.

  "[00:06] Ashley: So about two years ago, I lost the baby due to malpractice male negligence. And so I'm coming up on closing on the lawsuit, the settlement, and for the amount, it was 850, but I had to pay the lawyer. So I come up about a little over a half a million dollars."

• Relationship Dynamics: Ashley has been in a ten-year relationship with her partner, with whom she shares three children. They are not legally married, a factor that complicates their financial and familial arrangements.

  "[01:15] Ashley: I'm not sure. That's another problem that we're having."

• Differing Financial Priorities: A significant conflict arises from their differing approaches to the settlement money. Ashley aims to invest the funds for long-term security for their children and retirement, while her partner desires to spend the money immediately. Additionally, legal complexities regarding the allocation of a portion of the settlement to their son's estate further strain their relationship.

  "[00:48] Dave Ramsey: Let me make sure I understood what you said. You have three children with him."

Dave Ramsey’s Analysis: Marital Status and Financial Health

Dave Ramsey listens attentively to Ashley’s predicament, identifying key issues that intertwine financial decisions with relational health.

• Impact of Not Being Married: Ramsey underscores the complications that arise from not being legally married, especially when significant financial assets are involved. He emphasizes that marital status plays a crucial role in equitable financial distribution and legal protections.

  "[02:09] Dave Ramsey: It’s very simple. And so I don't know how to coach you on this because I would never tell you to be where you are. I would tell you to fix this immediately..."

• Relationship Toxicity Revealed by Money: Ramsey introduces the idea that substantial money can exacerbate pre-existing issues within a relationship, revealing its true nature. He suggests that the current financial strain is a manifestation of deeper relational problems.

  "[03:01] Dave Ramsey: This is revealing to me some of the struggles in our relationship, that you think it's tit for tat..."

• Protecting Ashley’s Interests: Emphasizing the need for Ashley to prioritize her and her children’s financial security, Ramsey advises her to assert control over the settlement funds. He suggests that without legal marriage, Ashley retains rightful ownership of the settlement, advocating for her to channel the funds towards her children’s future and personal advancements, such as completing nursing school.

  "[04:02] Dave Ramsey: So you have a half million dollars. I think you can finish nursing school. So. And take care of your children."

Advice and Recommendations: Steps Towards Financial and Relational Stability

Ramsey provides actionable advice aimed at resolving both the financial and relational turmoil Ashley faces:

1. Legal Clarification: Ramsey advises Ashley to seek additional legal counsel to clarify the rightful allocation of the settlement funds, especially concerning her son's estate.

   "[06:31] Dave Ramsey: The one that passed away?"

2. Marriage Consideration: He strongly recommends that Ashley and her partner consider legalizing their relationship through marriage to facilitate fair financial discussions and protect all parties involved.

   "[05:17] Dave Ramsey: If we're married, here's what we would talk about doing with the money."

3. Marriage Counseling: To address the underlying relationship issues, Ramsey suggests engaging a marriage counselor. This step aims to improve communication and align their financial goals collaboratively.

   "[05:42] Dave Ramsey: So we're going to sit down with a good marriage counselor and talk about how our relationship can be made better and how we get married."

4. Protective Measures: Ramsey emphasizes the importance of safeguarding Ashley’s interests by ensuring that any financial arrangement does not leave her vulnerable to potential manipulative behaviors from her partner.

   "[06:18] Caller: Do you know what I mean? Like."

5. Personal Empowerment: He encourages Ashley to recognize her own worth and the legitimacy of her financial rights, reinforcing that she should not succumb to guilt or manipulative tactics to relinquish control over her settlement funds.

   "[05:25] Dave Ramsey: There is not a scenario where we're not married and you get any of this."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Relationship Health:

  "[03:23] Dave Ramsey: This is not a healthy relationship. Would you agree?"
  "[03:29] Ashley: I would agree. Yeah."

• On Money's Role in Relationships:

  "[04:02] Dave Ramsey: More money does not make people go bad. It reveals when they're bad."

• On Legal Protections:

  "[06:33] Dave Ramsey: Your son's estate has to be managed for the heirs of your son, which would be his siblings, not his father."

• On Financial Priorities:

  "[05:17] Dave Ramsey: I think you can finish nursing school. So. And take care of your children."

• On Personal Agency:

  "[07:10] Dave Ramsey: Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life."

Conclusion: The Path Forward

In "This Is Very Very Very Unhealthy," Dave Ramsey navigates Ashley through a labyrinth of emotional and financial challenges. His guidance centers on the imperative of legal marriage for financial clarity and security, the importance of addressing and rectifying relational dysfunctions, and the strategic management of substantial financial settlements for long-term stability. Ramsey’s empathetic yet firm approach underscores the necessity of aligning financial decisions with personal and familial well-being, advocating for proactive measures to prevent financial disputes from undermining the foundational relationships within a family.

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a potent reminder of how intertwined financial decisions are with personal relationships and legal statuses. For listeners facing similar dilemmas, Ramsey offers not just financial advice but a broader perspective on ensuring that financial gains contribute positively to life’s foundational aspects rather than becoming sources of conflict and instability.