"We Can't Fix Him On This Call"

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "We Can't Fix Him On This Call"
Date: September 30, 2025
Host(s): Dave Ramsey (A), Rachel Cruze (C)
Caller: Christina (B)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a call from Christina, a stay-at-home mom frustrated by her husband's approach to finances and control within their marriage. The hosts, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze, offer direct, no-nonsense advice, focusing not just on money, but the deeper relational dysfunction underlying the financial conflict. The segment explores gender roles, power dynamics, and the importance of mutual respect and partnership in marriage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Christina’s Situation (00:06–00:46)

• Christina shares that her husband believes he should control the family finances because he “earns it,” while she, as a stay-at-home mom, is told she can't spend money like he does.
• He justifies Christina’s “luxuries” as fundamentals (electricity, water), implying she should be content.

2. Identifying Dysfunction (00:46–01:31)

• Rachel: Calls the marriage “very dysfunctional,” setting the tone for a serious intervention.
• Dave: Directly rejects Christina’s husband’s mindset, humorously but sternly referring to him as “a child” and “little twerp.”

Dave Ramsey (01:11): “So you're dealing with a child. That's the problem.”

3. Dave Ramsey’s Model of Healthy Finances in Marriage (01:33–03:22)

• Dave explains a healthy marital approach: regardless of who earns the income, marriage means shared ownership and equal say.
• Shares from his own experience where he and his wife make joint decisions, emphasizing legal, moral, and relational equality.

Dave Ramsey (01:36): “The way it should be is when you are married, regardless of where the income comes from. We have an income. We both have a vote on where every one of those dollars goes.”

• He warns that Christina’s husband’s belief won’t hold in court or in a truly functional relationship.

4. Emotional and Relational Impact (03:22–04:05)

• Rachel underscores the value of Christina’s role, expressing that staying home is “exhausting” and arguably harder than most jobs.

Rachel Cruze (03:27): “Let me tell you, Christina, it's much easier being in a workplace with a bunch of adults than being home all day. It's exhausting. It's absolutely exhausting.”

• Dave and Rachel agree Christina is not being valued or respected.

5. Call for Action—Counseling and Community (04:05–05:40)

• Dave bluntly states they “can’t fix him on this call” and urges Christina to seek marriage counseling and the support of a local, healthy church community that will hold the husband accountable.

Dave Ramsey (04:18): “You guys desperately need marriage counseling, honey. Desperately. We can't fix him on this call.”

• Addresses the importance of positive male role models and true masculinity centered on service, not control.

Dave Ramsey (04:29): “Masculinity, that's true and not toxic, is service oriented. He serves his wife, he serves his kid, and that's what he should be doing. And he's doing the opposite of that.”

6. Warning Signs and Future Consequences (05:40–08:20)

• Rachel points out this is not just about finances—controlling behaviors can spill into all areas of a marriage.
• Dave warns Christina: if things don’t change, she may reach a breaking point where there is no return for the relationship.

Dave Ramsey (06:19): “If your baby is a daughter, you're teaching her how women are supposed to be treated by accepting this treatment. Don't do that to her…And if you don't go, then I may go because I'm not going to put up with this.”

• He explains how, particularly for women, there’s often a final “switch flip” after long-term mistreatment, at which point reconciliation becomes impossible.

7. Broader Reflections on Marriage and Money (08:31–09:13)

• Rachel and Dave use Christina’s call to illustrate that money issues are usually symptoms, not root problems, in relationships.
• Deep-rooted problems like disrespect and lack of partnership manifest in financial conflicts.

Dave Ramsey (09:13): “Money problems are not the problem, they're the symptom. And that's the case here, too. There's a power struggle going on here, and you've been losing the power struggle.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave Ramsey (01:11): "So you're dealing with a child. That's the problem."
• Dave Ramsey (01:36): "We both have a vote on where every one of those dollars goes."
• Rachel Cruze (03:27): "It's much easier being in a workplace with a bunch of adults than being home all day."
• Dave Ramsey (04:18): "We can't fix him on this call."
• Dave Ramsey (04:29): "Masculinity, that's true and not toxic, is service oriented."
• Dave Ramsey (06:19): "If your baby is a daughter, you're teaching her how women are supposed to be treated by accepting this treatment."
• Dave Ramsey (09:13): "Money problems are not the problem, they're the symptom."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06 — Christina outlines her issue
• 00:46 — Rachel labels the marriage “dysfunctional”
• 01:36 — Dave models healthy marital finances
• 03:27 — Rachel validates the difficulty of stay-at-home parenting
• 04:05 — Dave pushes for counseling and church involvement
• 04:29 — Masculinity as service, not control
• 05:51 — Rachel warns about controlling mindsets expanding beyond money
• 06:19 — Dave’s warning about modeling behavior for children
• 09:13 — Money as a symptom, not the root issue

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Tone & Language

The hosts are blunt, direct, and compassionate, using humor (“little twerp”) but emphasizing the seriousness of control and respect in marriage. Dave’s tone is urgent; Rachel’s is affirming and understanding.

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Summary Takeaway

Christina’s call highlights a marriage in deep distress, where financial disagreements are the surface-level symptom of a far greater relational imbalance. Dave and Rachel provide both affirmation for Christina’s concerns and a strong call to action: assert her right to partnership, seek marital counseling, and refuse to accept the status quo, both for her own sake and the example set for her child. Their message: healthy marriages require equality, communication, and mutual respect—regardless of who brings home the paycheck.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

So, my husband and I have been having this real issue lately. He believes that he can spend the money any way he wants because he earns it, because he works for it, and because I stay at home, I can't spend it. Because the luxuries of being at home with our son, like the power in the water, are my little luxuries that I get. So he can go spend it on snacks, he can go spend it on drinks. He can do whatever he wants with it, but I'm not allowed to do the same.

[A]

How old is this little boy?

[B]

He is 25.

[C]

How long have you guys been married?

[B]

We've been married for over a year.

[C]

How many kids do you all have?

[B]

We have one.

[C]

Okay. It's a very dysfunctional marriage, Christina.

[B]

Yes, I have been told that I. Should we just let him deal with the finances because.

[A]

No. Whoever told you that's as dysfunctional as he is? Who told you that? His mother?

[B]

No, that was him. He said that?

[A]

Oh, he told you that? Okay. I bet he did. I bet he did. Little twerp. Oh, my gosh. So you're dealing with a child. That's the problem.

[B]

I try to save money where I can.

[A]

Honey, honey, that's not the point. Let me back up and tell you the way this should be, and then we can put that against where it is. Okay? The way it should be is when you are married, regardless of where the income comes from. We have an income. We both have a vote on where every one of those dollars goes. My wife has not worked outside the home in about 40 years. She has an incredible income because we have an incredible. Because we have an incredible income. Okay? And she gets to decide with me what we will do with our income. Are you hearing these words clearly? None of that's happening here. Just because I earn the income at Ramsey and with the things I do in my life and she doesn't have an earned income personally, does not invalidate her power or her right to a vote inside the household. She has the same exact rights as I do. Not only morally and spiritually, but legally she does. And if he thinks he's in control of his income. Let me teach him what a divorce attorney will teach him. He's not in control of his income. They're going to take a big old chunk of it and give it to you and the kid to take care of the kid. So he really does not have as much power as he thinks he has in the law. Much less morally, and he's relationally bankrupt. You treat your wife this way, you won't have a wife long. Because, honey, you may put up with this for a while, but you're going to wake up in a few years and go, I'm done with you being.

[C]

A jerk and treating me like a second class citizen. I'd like him to stay home with a kid. Let me tell you, Christina, it's much easier being in a workplace with a bunch of adults than being home all day. It's exhausting. It's absolutely exhausting. You work harder than he does. I can't.

[B]

I think that he does. He's a hard worker.

[A]

Oh, crap.

[C]

It's not that. I'm not saying. I'm just saying the value you bring to the household is as important, if not arguably, maybe more important. You're raising human beings in this household full time. And so the fact that financially, from a numbers perspective, he has and wants full control and treating you like a second class citizen is not okay.

[A]

This is not okay. You have a dysfunctional marriage, honey. You guys, I really think this guy needs more than I can give him on this call. If I had him on the call, I could box his ears, but it wouldn't last. Okay, but what you guys desperately need is to get involved in a good, strong local church.

[C]

A church that is healthy and doesn't take.

[A]

A healthy church that isn't supporting his ridiculous. But I mean, you get a church that lovingly will teach you exactly what we taught you and get some men in his life to teach this little boy how to be a man. Because masculinity, that's true and not toxic, is service oriented. He serves his wife, he serves his kid, and that's what he should be doing. And he's doing the opposite of that. You guys desperately need marriage counseling, honey. Desperately. We can't fix him on this call. You're too messed up. This is just a mess. And. But what I do want to do for you is to confirm that you're not the crazy one, okay? You're. The feelings that you're having that this is improper are accurate feelings. They're accurate observations, logical observations. And these are two people sitting completely outside of their. Rachel's marriage does not run this way. My marriage does not run this way. And both of them have a lot.

[C]

And any good therapist, marriage therapist would say it's not run that way. Yeah, that's not that. That, that it's a con that is a complete level of control and can start to be in the, in the sense that you don't even have the ability to access the money, which then becomes another huge problem. And so it's, it's not okay, Christina. It's not okay.

[A]

And I didn't like this guy, earns a lot of money either. He's a big deal and nothing. So it's just. Yeah, there's so much immaturity here. It sounds like about a 14 year old boy.

[C]

Well, and the reason to press into this, Christina, and why it's worth the fight is not only from the financial perspective, getting that cleaned up, but also that mindset doesn't just stay in the money lane of your marriage. That mindset and what he believes about you and your value and what you're capable of starts to bleed into every other part. And so it's not just a one off thing. This is his character and who he is and how he views you. And that's the problem I have.

[A]

If your baby is a daughter, you're teaching her how women are supposed to be treated by accepting this treatment. Don't do that to her. That's not fair. If your baby is a son, you're teaching him how he's supposed to treat women by accepting the way that you're being treated. Don't do that. That's not fair. So you guys are horrible parents because you're modeling out a dysfunctional thing before this brand new baby right now. And so you've got to work on this, kiddo. You got to go get some help and you got to demand it. And we're going to go get some help. I'm going whether you're going or not. And if you don't go, then I may go because I'm not going to put up with this. And that's where you're going to end up. And I will tell you this. I've coached families on money for 30 or 40 years now. And I, you know, I don't like stereotypes much, but I see this more often with ladies than I do men. Like 98% of the time, this is a lady. They will put up with stuff for so long and then I don't know what it is in the female psyche. But once that switch flips, once you're done, there'll be nothing he can do to get you back because you will be done. Guys will come back around. But a lady that's just fed up, fed up, fed up. And finally, switch flips, they are done and you can't reel them back in. I've tried to Send them to marriage counseling. I begged them to give them another chance and everything else. And they're like, nope, I've had it with this guy. I'm done. And you can't get them back. And that's going to happen to you, kiddo. It's going to build up, build up, build up. And that switch is going to flip and this whole thing is going to be over. And you sound like, sweet and naive, and you are right now, but it'll get, you'll get over it. You'll get over it over time and you'll get tired of the abuse. So you guys need to desperately get some help for your dysfunctional, screwed up marriage, because your husband's view is dysfunctional and screwed up. I hope I wasn't unclear.

[C]

I hope it's all here. And we have a couple that's on their honeymoon in the lobby. So there's your marriage advice.

[A]

They're going, oh, God.

[C]

Oh, God, no, no, no.

[A]

I don't think they're that way.

[C]

I know, I know, I know.

[A]

I can already tell they're not that way. You could tell just taking one picture with it.

[C]

Well, what it is, though, is, and we say it on the show all the time, majority of relational calls that we get is rarely, well, rarely about the money. So she calls in and says, well, he says, I can't have any say and that my. What did she say her privilege was? Electricity and food or what?

[A]

Like, that was her luxury.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. So, like, you get food, but I need money is how it's presented. But it's like, no, dear God, you need a new marriage. Like, it's a, it's a marriage issue. So whenever those things start bubbling up, majority of the time with couples, and I would say in our marriage, probably with you and mom too, like when there's a money thing that flares up, usually a deeper rooted thing is something is happening.

[A]

Money problems are not the problem, they're the symptom. And that's the case here, too. There's a power struggle going on here, and you've been losing the power struggle. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.