We Have 11 Kids and Spend All Our Money On Sports

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: We Have 11 Kids and Spend All Our Money On Sports
Date: October 15, 2025
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host: Ramsey Network (Dave Ramsey & Team)

This episode features a candid call from a father of 11 (aiming for 12) who seeks advice after accruing nearly $50,000 in debt—primarily attributed to expenses on kids’ sports and activities. The discussion dives into budgeting challenges, family dynamics, marital communication, and lays out a path toward financial harmony and sustainable money management.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Size and Financial Pressures

• The caller (B) reveals his family’s unique circumstance: “I always wanted like four kids and she always wanted 12. So we're going to compromise and have 12. So that's our family situation.” [00:13]
• They currently have 11 children, the youngest being five years old.

2. Escalating Debt from Extracurricular Expenses

• The family was debt-free five years prior, but since their children reached the age for sports, debt has crept back, amounting to almost $50,000—largely on credit cards and unpaid bills.
• Caller estimates: “We're spending about 25 grand a year on the, you know, a little over two grand a month on these sports.” [01:23]
• Annual gross income is about $200,000, net about $120,000.

3. Strained Marital Dynamics & Accountability

• The caller admits his wife is unwilling to reduce the children’s sports involvement and is considering part-time work, but the hosts question the feasibility given 11 kids.
• Dave Ramsey (C) underscores the issue: “No, the sports are not the problem. And no, her working is not the problem. Okay. Her not saying out loud, we have a limited amount of resources and we're going to live within them. You not saying out loud we have a limited amount of resources and we are going to live within them. And write it down. And my wife stuck the kids in sports. Not anymore. My wife and I decide if we can afford anything and then it goes on the budget and then and only then do we do it.” [02:17]

4. Lack of a Unified Financial System

• Dave highlights that the core problem is the absence of a mutual, disciplined system:
  • “What you're doing is not sustainable because your system sucks. You don't have one.” [03:38]
  • “When the two of us sit down and look at our income that we have coming in and say, all right, what are we going to do with this income? And we're not going over it. And there's no excuses for going over it, by the way. None.” [03:48]
• The need for both parents to cooperate on spending decisions is strongly emphasized.

5. Selling Assets vs. Solving Overspending

• The family has some rental properties, and his wife suggests selling one to alleviate debt. Dave cautions: “But what do we do when that money's gone? Because you continue to overspend, right?” [03:33]
• The hosts agree that selling assets is only a temporary patch if overall spending habits don't change.

6. Root Issues: Communication, Resentment, and Blame

• Dave and his co-host (D) call out undercurrents of resentment:
  • D asks, “Would you have worded the opening question the way you worded it if your wife had been on the call?...Would you have said it that way if she were sitting in here in the room with Dave and I and you?” [05:36]
  • D observes, “The voice sounds like you're beat down and like you've just thrown in the flag and you're having no real communication with your wife. That's what it sounded like.” [05:51]
• The caller admits the couple has discussed this with a counselor, but tension over sports expenses remains.
• D warns, “I think there's some real resentment there between you and her, and that's got to get solved at the same time. If not before we sit down and get this budget, we have got to resolve the resentment.” [06:34]

7. The Ramsey Solution: Mutual Budget Ownership

• Dave summarizes: “We have to both in the room be adults. This is a limited amount of resources. This is a math problem...we spend the money on the page the way we want our life to look. And when it runs out, we stop. And the two of us together both have a vote on that and we figure that out together. That is the only system in 35 years of doing this that I have been able to figure out that will actually work.” [06:56]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the core problem:
  • Dave Ramsey: “The sports aren't the problem, they're the symptoms. Her working is not the problem. It's the symptom of you guys not being on the same page, of being above this strategically and then developing a tactical process out of the strategy called a budget that actually makes the money behave.” [04:42]
• On resentment:
  • Co-host D: “I think there's some real resentment there between you and her, and that's got to get solved at the same time. If not before we sit down and get this budget, we have got to resolve the resentment.” [06:34]
• On marital teamwork:
  • Dave Ramsey: “The idea that one spouse is off the rails or is not accountable to the mathematics and as a child and the other spouse is resentful. That idea? I've never seen that create a successful relationship or build wealth.” [07:47]
• On temporary fixes:
  • Dave Ramsey, on selling assets: “But what do we do when that money's gone? Because you continue to overspend, right?” [03:33]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:11–01:22: Caller sets the stage—big family, escalating debt due to kids’ sports
• 01:54–02:17: Discussion about the feasibility of the mother working part-time with 11 kids
• 02:17–03:17: Dave introduces the concept of financial responsibility and shared decision-making
• 03:33–03:48: Debate over selling rental property—and the real issues involved
• 04:42-05:19: Dave reframes the core issues as symptoms of a deeper misalignment
• 05:36–06:34: Co-host probes potential marital resentment and communication breakdown
• 06:56–07:47: Dave summarizes the only workable financial system for couples

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Summary

This episode dives deep into a relatable struggle: how a loving, ambitious family can lose track of financial discipline amid the demands of children, sports, and lifestyle. The hosts cut to the heart of the matter—no blame games, no quick fixes, just the necessity for honest communication, mutual accountability, and working together on a budget both partners believe in. Lack of a system isn’t just a money problem—it’s a marriage problem, and both need healing for sustainable change.

If you’re in a similar situation, the Ramsey team’s core advice rings clear:
When the family budget is a true partnership—and both adults commit to living beneath their means—the pathway to peace (and out of debt) begins, no matter the size of your family or your team roster.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by CHM, a budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget hey, Dave, you've probably answered.

[B]

This question a thousand or a million times, but my wife and I, we have a lot of kids, which is our decision. You know, I'm not blaming anybody, but I always wanted like, I always wanted like four kids and she always wanted 12. So we're going to compromise and have 12. So that's our family situation.

[C]

You really have 12 kids?

[B]

Well, we have 11 right now. Okay.

[D]

But you seem thrilled, by the way.

[B]

Well, I have that type of voice.

[D]

Okay. All right, that's good to know.

[B]

So I make more money than I ever thought I would make, honestly. And yet. And five years ago, we were pretty much debt free. But just in the past four to five years, we as our kids have kind of reached that age. My wife has stuck them in sports and extracurricular activities and now we've amassed almost $50,000 of debt in maxed out a credit card and you know, pushed some expenses that we haven't paid, medical or whatnot. And this is something that.

[C]

What do you make?

[B]

I know the answer. Well, net, I mean, gross, I would say I'm pushing right around 200.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[B]

And net, though, after everything, after insurance and medical and whatnot, taxes, it's about 120. Okay. Anyway, the nearest I can figure, we're spending about 25 grand a year on the, you know, a little over two grand a month on these sports. And I, I think that's kind of the silver bullet. And yet my wife is just absolutely not willing to really give these up. She's, she's gonna look for a job and stuff. But what do we do? You know, I, I don't know.

[C]

How in the world does a woman with 11 kids work?

[B]

Well, that's a good point. She doesn't have the time nor the energy.

[C]

Our youngest is five and that's obviously not going to happen. I mean, the daycare, you'd have to float a federal grant.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh my gosh.

[B]

So she's hoping to pick up part time work while our youngest school from.

[C]

In between the fourth, in between the fourth and the seventh kid. Oh my gosh. No way. No, the sports are not the problem. And no, her working is not the problem. Okay. Her not saying out loud, we have a limited amount of resources and we're going to live within them. You not saying out loud we have a limited amount of resources and we are going to live within them. And write it down. And My wife stuck the kids in sports. Not anymore. My wife and I decide if we can afford anything and then it goes on the budget and then and only then do we do it. Because we both looked at the Overall picture like two grown up people and said we chose to have 11 kids and we have to manage $200,000 to feed them and not go in debt. Because going into debt continuously is not sustainable. Duh.

[B]

Well, part of our income is with. And maybe this is the tail end of my question to get your opinion. We have a couple real estate, a couple rental properties, that cash flow very decently, in my opinion. And she says, well, let's just sell one of those, you know, that'd be fine.

[C]

But what do we do when that money's gone? Because you continue to overspend, right?

[B]

Yeah, that's my position.

[C]

Yeah, you can't, you can't. It's not sustainable. What you're doing is not sustainable because your system sucks. You don't have one.

[B]

Yeah, I like that word. I've been using that a lot the past couple years.

[C]

The system doesn't work. The system. When the two of us sit down and look at our income that we have coming in and say, all right, what are we going to do with this income? And we're not going over it. And there's no excuses for going over it, by the way. None.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, you've just confirmed. I think that's kind of where we are.

[C]

You can't be passive and say, well, she did this. No, she didn't do it. You stood there and watched it.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

So you did it too. And she can't say, well, you know, you just go make the money and I'll take care of the house. No, you're not taking care of the house. You're spending more than we make and that's not sustainable. So we are going to get on a system where we decide together where our money is going. You get a vote, I get a vote. We've got to come into alignment and it's got to be on less than we make. And so the sports aren't the problem, they're the symptoms. Her working is not the problem. It's the symptom of you guys not being on the same page, of being above this strategically and then developing a tactical process out of the strategy called a budget that actually makes the money behave. I will add to this that you probably can afford to do the sports once you guys get organized and get aligned. Yeah, I think the reason, I think the Reason you went in debt is she doesn't have an off button because she didn't have any system at all that was. There's no governor on this at all. And so she just going, yeah, I.

[D]

I don't believe that all 50,000 of the credit card debt is two years worth of sports. Is that what you're telling us? Because you actually called it the Silver Bul. Yeah, it's about five years.

[B]

Well, yeah, we spend about 24 grand a year on sports programs.

[C]

Right.

[D]

Well, the other question I was going to ask you, because you're on the phone and because I'm a man, I'm going to ask you this. Would you have worded the opening question the way you worded it if your wife had been on the call.

[B]

Meaning saying that she's got the kids in sports?

[D]

Yeah, it was all about her. It was. It's. Here's what it sounded like it was forget your voice because you already gave us an excuse on the voice. The voice sounds like you're beat down and like you've just thrown in the flag and you're having no real communication with your wife. That's what it sounded like. But my question is, it's a real question. Would you set it that way? I wanted four, she wanted 12, so we're doing it. And then she stuck him in sports. Would you have said it that way if she were sitting in here in the room with Dave and I and you. Oh, of course. What was the answer?

[B]

We compromised. So I wouldn't have said that because she doesn't like it. But we've talked about this issue with a counselor, you know, and so I would say the same things. I think that she's sticking them in sports.

[C]

Right. Okay.

[B]

Is the problem.

[D]

And by the way, I didn't ask you to paint you in the corner because that was not a gotcha question. But I'm glad you've answered it that way because I think that you gotta be very careful. I think there's some real resentment there between you and her, and that's got to get solved at the same time. If not before we sit down and get this budget, we have got to resolve the resentment. That's what I feel and hear on this call. I don't know your take.

[C]

I'll go with that. I'll go with that. So, guys, the. I would say 50% of the coaching and calls that we get and the different ways contact points we have with people that are married come back to this idea that we have to both in the room be adults. This is a limited amount of resources. This is a math problem. There's actually a number of dollars at the top of the page, and we spend the money on the page the way we want our life to look. And when it runs out, we stop. And the two of us together both have a vote on that and we figure that out together. That is the only system in 35 years of doing this that I have been able to figure out that will actually work. The idea that one spouse is off the rails or is not accountable to the mathematics and as a child and the other spouse is resentful. That idea? I've never seen that create a successful relationship or or build wealth.

[A]

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