The Ramsey Show Highlights
Episode: "We Live Together But We're Married To Different People"
Air Date: February 25, 2026
Host: Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze
Caller: Grace
Episode Overview
In this episode, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze advise Grace, a caller in a highly complicated personal and financial situation. Both she and her partner are still legally married to other people, yet they cohabit, are raising his two children, and recently discovered Grace is pregnant. With $91,000 in combined debt and an irregular household income, their financial (and relational) entanglement has reached a crisis point. Dave and Rachel offer candid, practical advice for navigating the legal, emotional, and financial complexities of their lives.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Caller Background and Financial Situation
- Grace and her partner are cohabiting but still married to separate individuals.
- They’re raising his two children (mother is absent), and Grace is newly pregnant.
- The couple has combined finances for shared living and bills but keep separate bank accounts.
- Debt: $91,000 total.
- Income: Combined post-tax monthly income is approximately $5,700, but highly variable (Grace is paid partly on commission).
- They live paycheck-to-paycheck, covering expenses from one person’s earnings each week.
Quote:
"We live together, and we've combined our finances. ... Our monthly income is, like, 5,700 after taxes, and we just don't know what to do."
— Grace (00:24)
2. Current Marital & Legal Status
- Grace’s divorce is nearly finalized; her partner hasn't started due to custody complexities and a $5,000 retainer for legal fees.
- They want to eventually marry but are legally impeded and financially strained.
Quote:
"Mine's finished in February... His. We haven't even started because of the custody and all that."
— Grace (00:54)
3. Rachel and Dave’s Advice: Keep Finances Separate Until Marriage
Immediate, Firm Guidance:
- Do not combine finances further; treat the relationship financially like roommates.
- Avoid paying each other's bills, commingling accounts, or attaching names to joint property.
- Legal entanglement before divorce completion is risky, especially as there’s no legal protection for either party.
Quote:
"If you were my sister, if you were my daughter, if you were my close friend, I would tell you, do not combine your finances to that mess until it is cleared."
— Rachel Cruze (01:04)
Quote:
"Are you guys both in the middle of divorces?"
— Dave Ramsey (00:51)
4. Why Roommate-Style Financial Separation Matters
- Divorce proceedings can become convoluted if any shared assets, payments, or debts appear.
- Financially, legally, and emotionally, each person’s status should remain distinct until all divorces are finalized.
- Even if intentions are pure, without legal protection, one person (especially the woman, as Rachel addresses) can end up shouldering tremendous risk.
Quote:
"Like, you all are college roommates right now."
— Rachel Cruze (01:43 & 02:23)
Quote:
"Don’t put your names on each other’s stuff. Don’t be combining accounts. Don’t be doing any of that."
— Dave Ramsey (01:25)
5. Budgeting and Commission-Based Income
- Grace’s income is variable—month-to-month bonuses in addition to a modest base salary.
- Dave recommends creating a separate ‘hills and valleys’ fund to help smooth out the months with lower income.
- Rachel emphasizes Grace should focus only on her side of the finances for now.
Quote:
"I would be so diligent...when you have a great month...put, you know, a thousand bucks or so into this other account so that when you have a month that’s just $2,500 and you don’t earn a commission, you can pull some money out to pay your part of the bills."
— Dave Ramsey (04:01)
6. Legal & Emotional Risks
- Rachel strongly cautions against Grace paying her partner’s legal fees or contributing to costs that aren’t strictly her own.
- She highlights the real risk that, after investing financially and emotionally, things could collapse (e.g., reconciliation with the ex, relationship ending), leaving Grace in an even more precarious situation with a new baby and little support.
Quote:
"The chances of you working extra shifts, paying 4,000 of this $5,000 retainer, you paying the bills while he goes through his divorce, and then suddenly they reconcile, or suddenly he doesn’t love you anymore, or suddenly—whatever...what you’ll find yourself with is a brand new baby and you’ll have nothing."
— Rachel Cruze (06:10)
7. The Path Forward for Grace
Financial Guidance:
- Grace should focus on stabilizing her own finances, budget strictly, and possibly consider a job change if her income remains inconsistent.
- She must resist the urge to subsidize her partner’s divorce and legal expenses.
Relational Guidance:
- Dave and Rachel stress the importance of taking responsibility for her own situation and not blurring financial lines until both parties are divorced and legally free to commit.
Quote:
"You are roommates financially. You have to think about it that way."
— Dave Ramsey (07:36)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On the financial arrangement:
"We venmo each other if you need to, but don’t, don’t. Don’t put your names on each other’s stuff."
— Dave Ramsey (01:25) -
On emotional and practical risk:
"I care about the woman on the phone that I’m talking to. I care about him, too, but I’m not talking to him."
— Rachel Cruze (06:48) -
On financial independence:
"I want you to start getting concrete under your feet because your, your life right now is a seesaw. And that’s exhausting, right? And he can play on the seesaw all day long, but I want you to stand on the sidewalk on firm concrete."
— Rachel Cruze (07:12)
Key Timestamps
- 00:24: Grace describes relationships, living situation, and debt.
- 00:54: Legal status and divorce context.
- 01:04 – 01:43: Rachel firmly warns against combining finances.
- 02:25: Dave explains risks as divorce proceedings begin.
- 03:14 – 03:49: Grace details her commission-based income.
- 04:01 – 04:23: Dave introduces ‘hills and valleys’ fund concept for Grace’s budgeting.
- 05:23: Challenges of funding partner’s legal fees and future marriage hopes.
- 06:10: Rachel’s warning about the personal and financial hazards involved.
- 07:12 – 07:36: Advice for Grace on gaining financial stability and clarity.
Conclusion
Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze deliver pointed and compassionate advice for someone facing intertwined legal, financial, and relational challenges. Their consistent refrain: until both parties are fully divorced, maintain strict financial boundaries—like roommates, not spouses. Prioritize personal stability, avoid subsidizing your partner’s legal battles, and focus on your own financial footing so that, if marriage is in your future, it can be built on a strong foundation rather than a "seesaw" of instability.