George (1:56)

How much does she make?

Ashley (1:58)

We never. She doesn't make a lot. I don't know, a couple hundred dollars a month. And then she just got a job, a second job.

George (2:07)

Okay.

Ashley (2:07)

And now she should be bringing home close thousand a month. So we really feel like she should. Yeah, I mean, well, what I'm trying.

Dave Ramsey (2:16)

To think of, like five years from now, are we still doing this? Is she still making a thousand dollars a month at 25 years old living with mom and dad? Because otherwise we need a totally different plan.

George (2:26)

Well, we just need a trajectory. And it can be baby steps, Ashley. Cause I totally get your caution around it because of your history and what you guys walk through as a family. Like, that's. That's horrible. It's every parent's worst nightmare, right, of, of something like that happening. So, so, so I can totally understand that. But I also think it's two different things. I think helping her become an adult is not being mean. I think it's actually the most loving thing you can do because it actually is gonna give her self confidence, it's gonna give her some dignity. It's gonna give her a reason to wake up in the morning and be productive. And like, these things are good for all of us. Right? We were created to work and to make and to be part of society. And so how that looks and how that plays out over time, you know, we can talk about. But, but that in general, that principle, that's not harmful to her. If anything, that's actually a gift. And again, if you do it in the right way, right. We wanna be cautious in the sense of like, how you handle it with her. And I totally understand that. But that avenue is the best thing for her in general as an adult. So just hear that. That's a loving thing. That's not a mean thing.

Ashley (3:41)

How do you, how do you approach going about it? Considering we feel like she's been spoiled her whole life? You know, I would start with even.

Dave Ramsey (3:48)

With you guys, don't make it about her. Say, Say, hey, we, we really love you. And part of that love has caused maybe some enabling. We've covered your expenses. We wanted to give you a great life. But part of becoming independent means you need to learn how to handle money and contribute on your own. And we're not going to throw you in the deep end. We're not going to say you need to pay all of these expenses tomorrow, but you need to start taking on more responsibility so that you're not 30 years old, still not unsure how to live as an adult. Cause that's unfair to her.

George (4:18)

Yeah, I like that approach, Ashley. I mean, honestly, taking accountability for your actions. Because as the parents, y' all chose this. You know what I mean? Like, this is what you guys implemented. And so I think on that end, talking to her of, hey, I'm sorry that we have failed you in a sense of how to set up your life as an adult. And again, she's 21, so I think there's a lot of grace here. She's not 31. Right. I mean, like, you guys have not screwed up as parents by, by any means, but I think it is a, hey, we want in the next season, maybe over the next six months, we want to start working with you on finding some more income, finding a schedule that, that, you know, is sufficient as an adult, you know, an 8 to whatever it looks like. And then the money you're bringing in, we want to write down a budget and have some things that you're gonna start contributing. And again, that can be slowly over time, every two months or something, you know, you add something else in or whatever that looks like and then eventually a plan. Ashley. And again, I'm not in a rush with this. I don't know, George may be more urgent than I am, you know, but where you guys feel comfortable as a family to say, okay, our goal is by next July you rent an apartment and we will be with you, you know, every step of the way in these transitions. But starting to make a year plan, I think is really great. From November to November. What does that look like from a.

Ashley (5:45)

She has a 17 year old brother and now he's kind of, he, he's a little bit more responsible than her. But for instance, he wanted this winter baseball thing and it was 150 and I feel we have to give it to him because look, we're, we're doing. You're giving Your, your sister 400amonth for her horse. So, yeah, we have to say yes to you now for certain things too.

George (6:06)

I wouldn't, I wouldn't do the quick, I wouldn't do the, the tit for tat thing, but I think brother is 17, so he needs a student checking account with a debit card and you guys can put a certain amount of money in that account and he needs to start budgeting his life and that. He needs to start.

Ashley (6:21)

He does.

George (6:22)

Okay, perfect. That's great. That's a great start.

Dave Ramsey (6:24)

Does he have a part time job?

George (6:25)

Yeah.

Ashley (6:26)

Yes, he does. He's a very hard, they're both very.

George (6:29)

Very hard workers, it sounds like. I think, I think we just need to. Yeah, I would just kind of up a little bit of the pressure of, okay, let's find two things that you're going to start paying for because we want her to start experiencing real life and it can still be under your roof for a period of time, which again is a soft place to land, which is great. But when she starts to learn these things, then when she goes out on her own, she, it's part of who she is. She knows how to do it. Right. That's equipping her really well.

Ashley (6:57)

Right.

Dave Ramsey (6:57)

How does the horse situation work? If you guys stop making these payments, what happens? Are you leasing the horse from someone else?

Ashley (7:06)

No, she bought it. She actually watched mama give birth to her the people at the barn and her.

Dave Ramsey (7:12)

That's a bonding experience right there.

Ashley (7:14)

Yeah.

Dave Ramsey (7:15)

Okay, so the expenses for the horse just to keep the horse in good shape is 400 bucks.

Ashley (7:21)

Well, it's at the barn. All her friends are at the barn. And that's, that's boarding. Boarding speed. I mean she works there too.

George (7:29)

They should give her a discount.

Ashley (7:30)

Her life.

George (7:30)

They should give her a discount is that discount. But her life can't be that forever, Ashley. You know what I'm saying? Some. At some point she's going to have to say, wow, that makes me really sad. I can't be where all my friends are. I'm gonna have to go get a job. Right? Like eventually. That's what's gonna.

Ashley (7:45)

She does. She just got another job.

Dave Ramsey (7:48)

Well, she needs a full time job that can support all of the expenses in her life. That's where we need to get to.

George (7:53)

That's the goal. That's the goal.

Dave Ramsey (7:54)

Otherwise she needs to go to school and pursue something that can actually pay the bills. So that's the hard truth that you're going to have to unravel with her over the next several months. But this idea that we're just going to work part time at the. At the barn, not making enough to even cover the expenses for our horse is not a winning plan. There's only two types of horse people. Broke horse people and super wealthy people. And she's about to be a broke horse person for the rest of her life if we don't change the asap. Why refi refinances defaulted private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at Y r e f y.com Ramsey.