Podcast Summary: "We Need To Tell Our 21-Year-Old To Start Contributing"

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host: Ramsey Network (Dave Ramsey, George Kamel)
Date: November 25, 2025
Duration: ~8 minutes (main content)

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a call from Ashley, a concerned mother wrestling with when and how to require her 21-year-old daughter, who owns a horse, to start contributing financially—especially since the daughter has a history of depression and self-harm. The discussion explores the balance between sensitivity to mental health, establishing independence, and gradually introducing financial responsibility for young adults.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Ashley’s Dilemma: Parenting with Compassion and Boundaries

• Ashley describes her 21-year-old daughter who’s been passionate about horses since age six. The family pays about $400/month for horse boarding, in addition to covering other expenses (insurance, car, gas).

• The daughter has a significant mental health history, including severe depression and self-harm at age 15–16. She’s now in therapy and doing better, but the family is cautious in their approach.

  Ashley (01:11): "We kind of almost walk on eggshells. … We don’t want to be so mean and tell her, ‘Hey, you need to kind of start contributing now.’"

2. The Value of Gradual Independence

• Dave Ramsey and George Kamel emphasize that helping a young adult become independent is a form of love, not harshness.

  George (02:27): "Helping her become an adult is not being mean. I think it’s actually the most loving thing you can do because it’s going to give her self confidence, dignity, and a reason to wake up in the morning and be productive."

• They validate Ashley’s understandable caution, given the family’s trauma, but stress that growing autonomy is ultimately healthy.

3. Introducing Financial Responsibility: The Right Approach

• Dave suggests the conversation be framed around the parents’ choices and gradual changes, not abrupt demands.

  Dave Ramsey (03:48): "Don’t make it about her. Say, 'We really love you … but part of becoming independent means you need to learn how to handle money and contribute on your own. … We’re not going to throw you in the deep end.'"

• George recommends mapping out a slow, structured process—possibly with a year-long plan toward greater independence, such as budgeting, finding more income, and setting a future goal (eventually moving out).

  George (04:18): "Talking to her of, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that we have failed you in how to set up your life as an adult.’ ... Maybe over the next six months, we want to start working with you. … From November to November, what does that look like?"

4. Fairness with Siblings

• Ashley brings up her 17-year-old son, who is more responsible and also receiving some financial help. She questions how to be fair.

  Ashley (05:45): "He wanted this winter baseball thing … and I feel we have to give it to him because we’re giving your sister $400 a month for her horse."

• George suggests avoiding strict tit-for-tat fairness but recommends both kids get experience with budgeting and accounts.

  George (06:06): "He needs a student checking account … He needs to start budgeting his life."

5. The Horse and Long-Term Planning

• Dave and George probe what happens if the parents stop subsidizing horse expenses. Ashley clarifies her daughter owns the horse and works at the barn, but her income from this is minimal.

• George bluntly highlights the impracticality of the current arrangement as a lifelong plan.

  George (07:30): "Her life can’t be that forever…At some point, she’s going to have to say, ‘Wow, that makes me really sad. I can’t be where all my friends are. I’m going to have to get a job.’"

• Dave stresses that the daughter needs to either work full time to cover her life/horse expenses or pursue education leading to a sustainable career.

  Dave Ramsey (07:48): "She needs a full time job that can support all of the expenses in her life. … There’s only two types of horse people: broke horse people and super wealthy people. And she’s about to be a broke horse person for the rest of her life if we don’t change this ASAP."

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• George Kamel (02:29): "We’re created to work and to make and be part of society…that avenue is the best thing for her. It’s a loving thing. It’s not a mean thing."
• Dave Ramsey (03:55): "We’re not going to say you need to pay all these expenses tomorrow, but you need to start taking on more responsibility so that you’re not 30 years old and still not sure how to live as an adult."
• Dave Ramsey (07:53): "There’s only two types of horse people: broke horse people and super wealthy people. And she’s about to be a broke horse person for the rest of her life if we don’t change this."

Important Timestamps

• 00:10–01:11: Ashley shares her daughter’s background, mental health journey, and current dependencies.
• 02:16–03:41: Dave and George discuss the importance of balancing sensitivity with teaching independence.
• 03:48–04:18: Conversation scripting: How parents can approach the transition without blame.
• 05:45–06:29: Addressing fairness with her son and practical financial skills.
• 07:06–07:53: Long-term realities of horse ownership; the need for sustainable financial planning.

Tone and Style

The discussion is warm, gentle, and validating—acknowledging the complexities of Ashley’s situation, especially the mental health context—while still providing direct, practical advice. Both Dave and George balance empathy with pragmatic encouragement to help young adults grow up responsibly.

Takeaway

Transitioning a young adult towards independence after a challenging period requires both compassion and a steady introduction of responsibilities—gradually, with supportive conversations, and clear end goals. Teaching financial life skills is an act of love, setting children up for confidence and capability in adulthood.