We Were The Only Ones Left Out Of An Inheritance

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "We Were The Only Ones Left Out Of An Inheritance"

Episode Information

• Title: We Were The Only Ones Left Out Of An Inheritance
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Release Date: February 25, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, listeners delve into a challenging family financial issue: being inadvertently excluded from an inheritance. Hosted by experts from the Ramsey Network, including Ken Coleman, the discussion provides insightful advice on navigating unexpected financial revelations within family dynamics.

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Caller’s Situation

The episode begins with a caller, Michaela (A), sharing a distressing discovery. Michaela and her husband recently learned from her sister-in-law that there exists an inheritance from her husband's grandmother. This inheritance has reportedly been utilized by eight out of nine siblings to fund graduate education. Michaela and her husband, who self-financed their way through grad school, were unaware of this financial support. Currently, they are in the Baby Steps Three and Four phases, focusing on saving for a house, and are unsure how to proceed with this newfound information.

Notable Quote:

"We recently found out through my sister in law... that there is inheritance money we did not know existed... we paid our way through grad school." – Michaela [00:36]

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Expert Advice on Addressing the Inheritance Issue

Ken Coleman (B) empathizes with Michaela's feelings, emphasizing the legitimacy of her emotional response to the situation.

Notable Quote:

"Whatever you feel, it's a lot." – Ken Coleman [01:00]

Colin (C) inquires about the specifics of the will—whether Michaela and her husband were excluded intentionally or inadvertently. Michaela reveals uncertainty regarding their inclusion, as the information surfaced unexpectedly during a family trip.

Key Points Discussed:

• Identifying the Executor: Colin advises determining who is managing the will, likely Michaela's father-in-law, and recommends that her husband initiate the conversation with him.

  Notable Quote:

  "Have you gone to him... I feel like this is his." – Colin [01:36]

• Overcoming Emotional Barriers: Colin encourages Michaela and her husband to confront the issue without feeling entitled or needy. He stresses the importance of open communication to uncover whether their exclusion was an oversight.

  Notable Quote:

  "You can't go in entitled. You just have to ask." – Colin [01:55]

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Navigating Emotional Turmoil and Family Dynamics

The conversation delves deeper into the emotional complexities surrounding the inheritance exclusion. Colin gently points out that there might be underlying feelings of envy or unfairness from Michaela's perspective.

Notable Quote:

"I detect the air of... I wish... I detect an air of... we should have what they have or they shouldn't have." – Colin [03:10]

Ken emphasizes that it's natural for Michaela and her husband to feel wronged and advises them to seek clarity by directly communicating with the executor.

Notable Quote:

"Michaela... it's very natural for you to feel this way because your husband feels though he might be wronged." – Ken Coleman [04:06]

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Addressing Potential Mismanagement or Oversight

Michaela shares a personal anecdote about a similar situation where stipulations in a will were disregarded by a relative, leading to alterations in the inheritance distribution. This example underscores the potential for mismanagement or intentional changes by those in control of the estate.

Notable Quote:

"If the grandfather leaves the money to his wife... it's now hers. She gets to decide what she's going to do." – Ken Coleman [06:20]

Ken and Colin discuss the possibility that Michaela might have been inadvertently overlooked rather than intentionally excluded. They suggest that reaching out to the executor is crucial to determine the legitimacy of the inheritance claim and to understand the reasoning behind the distribution.

Key Advice:

• Immediate Communication: Ken advises Michaela's husband to promptly discuss the matter with their father-in-law to obtain accurate information.

  Notable Quote:

  "I would immediately go into the father if I'm her husband." – Ken Coleman [07:20]

• Assessing Intentions: They consider whether the sister-in-law may have had ulterior motives in revealing the inheritance details during a family trip.

  Notable Quote:

  "Do you think there was a little intent behind it?" – Ken Coleman [07:30]

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Emotional Processing and Personal Reflection

Colin encourages Michaela to introspectively assess her emotions surrounding the inheritance issue, acknowledging that it's natural to have strong feelings during financial and familial stress.

Notable Quote:

"It's worth examining and going, okay, what's my true feelings here? And it's okay to have feelings." – Colin [05:18]

Ken reiterates the importance of validating these emotions, assuring Michaela that feeling angry or upset is justified.

Notable Quote:

"I want you to feel okay to be angry. Because if this is true, you and your husband have every right to be angry." – Ken Coleman [05:46]

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Conclusion and Final Recommendations

The experts conclude by emphasizing the necessity of direct communication with the executor to resolve the confusion surrounding the inheritance. They acknowledge the emotional strain such situations can cause but advocate for proactive and honest discussions to uncover the truth and determine the next steps.

Final Advice:

• Direct Inquiry: Michaela's husband should approach the executor to seek clarification.
• Emotional Support: It's essential to support each other emotionally while navigating these challenges.
• Avoid Assumptions: Refrain from jumping to conclusions about intentional exclusion until all facts are clarified.

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Closing Notes

This episode underscores the complexities that can arise when unforeseen financial matters intersect with family relationships. By providing compassionate advice and practical steps, the Ramsey Network equips listeners with the tools to address and resolve such sensitive issues effectively.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget My question is, we recently found out through my sister in law, my husband and I, that there is inheritance money we did not know existed through my husband's parents who got it from his grandma. And they. He's one of nine siblings and all of them have used. That we know of have used that inheritance money for paying for grad school. And we did not know this was available. We paid our way through grad school and my husband graduated about three years ago and we are in between baby steps three and four, trying to save up for a house and so we feel a little, I don't know.

[B]

No, you feel a lot. Whatever you feel, it's a lot.

[C]

Wait, are you in the will and it just wasn't distributed to you or were you not in the will to get it?

[A]

We're not sure. It just slipped through my sister in law this past weekend on a family trip that grandma's inheritance money paid for her husband, my brother's. My husband's brother, to go through grad school. And we asked, oh, is this the same for all other eight siblings? And she said, yeah, you guys didn't know. Interesting. We paid our way through grad school.

[C]

Who's the executor? Who's the. Who's in charge of it?

[A]

Probably I would guess my father in law.

[C]

Okay. Have you gone to him or. Well, not you, but has your husband. Because I feel like this is his.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Battle. By the way, has he gone to the grandfather and said no. Did I?

[B]

His dad.

[C]

Yeah, to his dad and said, did I. Did I miss something? I like. And here's the thing. And can hold me back, but you can't go in entitled. You just have to ask. You'd be curious. Hey, I was on a trip and this was what I found out. I. I don't know, but it sounded like it was for everybody. And if it is, I wonder if we, you know, were overlooked in some way. Can you give me more information?

[A]

Yeah, I guess that was part of my question. We have not approached him yet when the husband hasn't because I don't want to come across as, you know, needy or.

[B]

Well, remember, you don't need to be involved in this. This is not your deal. Your husband. Now, if you got to give him a pep talk and fire him up and let him borrow some of your backbone, that's one thing.

[C]

Yeah, but you don't talk, you don't say anything. To the in laws on this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because is it possible that the sister in law doesn't know what she's talking about?

[A]

It's possible. I guess that's part of the issue is they're quite a bit younger than us and they own two properties and.

[B]

We are like, no, no, I get all this.

[A]

First of all, I don't save up for a house.

[C]

Wait a second. I detect something. And I'm not trying to call you out, but I. I detect the air of. I wish. I'm not going to say jealousy, but I detect an air of we should have what they have or they shouldn't have. Does that make sense?

[B]

I'm not.

[C]

I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but yeah. So let's talk about this then. Let's. Let's pretend that you said, hey, we're not in the will. What gives? Like, what if you talk to. What if your husband talks to the dad and it's like, sorry, yeah, you weren't a part of this. What, What. What then would your attitude be towards it?

[A]

I think I'd be okay with that.

[B]

Okay, no, you wouldn't. You would not be okay with. With being the only. Your husband, being the only sibling who didn't get some of this inheritance.

[C]

I mean, you'd at least have questions, right?

[A]

I would have questions, but I. I don't think. I honestly don't think I'd have. I wouldn't ask any further.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. But I just want to call this out. I know you're going another angle.

[C]

Oh, you call it out, Ken.

[B]

I. I'm not saying you're wrong. I think she kind of admitted to it. I couldn't hear. But. But I. Michaela is. Nat, it's very natural for you to feel this way because your husband feels though he might be wronged. And when your husband or spouse, well, this goes both ways, gets wronged, we.

[C]

The spouse, we're on their side, we.

[B]

Just really get affected. So all of this is very normal. Glad you called us. We've already told you what we think, but your husband needs to sit with dad and soon and just ask questions. This is what my wife was told. Is this true? He gets to the bottom of it and. And then you guys will have to deal with whatever that is. But make no mistake about it, her comment about the younger sibling and what.

[C]

They have, that was telling.

[B]

It's telling, but it's also. It's all coming from this one issue.

[C]

It is. And. And I think that when you're in.

[B]

Baby we could use it more than them. That's what this is.

[C]

That. Yes. That's what I'm getting at. When you're in a. A tough spot, you're looking around and you're just kind of looking for anything you can hold to. I get it. Yeah. We're not. I wasn't saying that in a way to be definitely not ugly towards you, but it's worth examining and going, okay, what's my. Like, to your point, Ken, what's my true feelings here? And it's okay to have feelings. We then just have to make sure our response is the right. The right.

[B]

And that's all I'm saying. Michaela, I want you to feel okay to be angry.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if this is true, you and your husband have every right to be angry.

[C]

Ken, I've told you the story before. When Sam and I got married, his grandfather, there were stipulations on the will, and he's allowed to make those stipulations because it was his money. Right. And so the stipulation was you got to marry someone else Jewish. And guess what? Jade Warshaw is not really. Yeah. Did you not know? I'm just. What gave it away now. I'm just kidding. But.

[B]

So that was part of it. Did he uphold that? The grandfather.

[C]

No, he did not get the money.

[B]

And so, I mean, he stuck to his guns. The grandfather did.

[C]

Well, the grandfather passed away. So what ended up happening later on?

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

Later on. Yeah. It's in the will. But later on, his. His wife at the time said, I really like Jade and I'm going to. We're going to make this happen.

[B]

And she amended it.

[C]

It got amended. And not only for me, but the other cousins who decided not to go that route. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, cheers to her, by the way.

[C]

I don't know if. Listen, I don't know if it was right. Dave might be like, no, keep it the way, you know, the wishes are the wishes. But.

[B]

Oh, wait a second. I don't know what Dave would say, but I'm. I'm not Dave, and I got a strong opinion on that.

[C]

But if the.

[B]

If the grandfather leaves the money to his wife, yes, he had explicit instructions, but at the end of the day, he left it to her.

[C]

She was very.

[B]

It's now hers.

[C]

She was very solid on the fact that if he had. She said, if he had met you, he would have changed his mind. That's what she said to me.

[B]

I think she's right. But my point is it's now her money yeah. She gets to decide what she's going to do.

[C]

That's facts.

[B]

Because he passed it to her.

[C]

That's facts.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So I. I can understand to your point. I can understand the feeling of having emotions.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Around the thing stuff. Tough stuff. It's not easy.

[B]

Yeah. But in this case, and this is what I don't like for her. I don't like that sister in law dropped that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

On vacation.

[C]

Do you think there was a little intent behind it? Is that what you're saying?

[B]

I don't know. And I don't want to go that route because I don't think that's helpful to Michaela. I. What I am saying is I would immediately go into the father if I'm her husband. And because we don't know if sister in law knows what's going on with the nine other siblings.

[C]

You know what? It's very possible. Unless she knows of a reason he could have been withheld, which we didn't ask her.

[B]

Doesn't make sense.

[C]

It's very possible he just got overlooked. Like whoever the executor is just. You don't buy it.

[B]

Well, you know, now that you say that, I. I have three kids.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I remember telling Stacy, like, because we had three under the age of three, that's kind of happened quickly for us.

[C]

Yeah, it did.

[B]

And I remember going as they got older, going, oh, boy, I'm glad we didn't have more than three. I don't understand how parents who have like 6 and 7, 8 and 9, how do they do it? Now I can see maybe, maybe this happened. Maybe there's some money just sitting over there waiting to be collected.

[C]

Maybe he's the middle child.

[B]

I think so, though.

[A]

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