We’re Expected To Help Pay Taxes on My In-Laws’ Lake House

Summary

Episode Summary: “We’re Expected To Help Pay Taxes on My In-Laws’ Lake House”

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host: Ramsey Network
• Episode: We’re Expected To Help Pay Taxes on My In-Laws’ Lake House
• Release Date: July 22, 2025
• Description: A quick, daily dose of life and money advice featuring experts like Dave Ramsey, Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze, Dr. John Deloney, George Kamel, and Jade Warshaw.

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Dave Ramsey addresses a caller’s concern about unexpected financial obligations imposed by her in-laws. The caller explains how her in-laws require her and her husband to contribute to the taxes of their family-owned lake house, raising issues about financial boundaries and family traditions.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Unanticipated Financial Burden

Timestamp [00:06]:
The caller shares her discomfort regarding frequent unexpected financial requests from her husband's family. Specifically, she mentions receiving multiple requests annually, such as paying $100 for a tailgate parking spot or contributions for food after family gatherings.

Key Points:

• Frequency of Requests: Approximately five to six times a year.
• Nature of Expenses: Costs related to using the family’s lake house, including parking and food.
• Financial Transparency: These expenses were previously managed solely by her husband until they combined their finances a month prior.

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Understanding the Lake House Tax Issue

Timestamp [05:13]:
The conversation shifts to the main issue: the expectation to help pay taxes on the in-laws' lake house.

Caller’s Concern:

• The lake house is not under her husband’s name, raising questions about their obligation to pay its taxes.
• The county records indicate an annual tax of approximately $4,000, with the in-laws contributing around $300 previously.

Dave Ramsey’s Response:

• Emphasizes that there is no obligation to pay taxes on property not owned by them.
• Illustrates the absurdity of the tradition, stating, “These people are weird” ([06:10]).

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Setting Financial Boundaries with In-Laws

Timestamp [03:11]:
Dave Ramsey advises the caller on establishing firm financial boundaries with her in-laws.

Notable Quote:
“She doesn't get a vote on your budget or your marriage or anything that happens inside your house. She's the mother-in-law. By definition, that means she does not get a vote.” ([03:11])

Advice Given:

• Assertiveness: Encourage the caller to stand firm on her and her husband’s financial decisions.
• Communication: Suggest addressing the issue calmly and clearly, setting expectations upfront to avoid future misunderstandings.
• Emotional Boundaries: Recognize the situation as an emotional boundary violation rather than a significant financial burden.

Supporting Insights from Dr. John Deloney:

• Reinforces the importance of untangling financial obligations that are not theirs.
• Highlights that such practices are not traditions but rather inappropriate financial entanglements imposed by the in-laws.

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Comparative Family Practices

Timestamp [04:29]:
Dave Ramsey shares examples from his own family to illustrate healthy financial boundaries.

Example:
His wife, Sharon, proactively communicates with family members about shared responsibilities, such as cooking during family gatherings, ensuring that contributions are discussed and agreed upon in advance rather than billed retroactively.

Notable Quote:
“We talk about it upfront and. But we don't send them a bill two weeks later for catering.” ([04:29])

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Assessing the In-Laws’ Financial Stability

Timestamp [07:12]:
The conversation delves into the in-laws' financial ability to maintain the lake house.

Caller’s Realization:

• The in-laws may be unable to afford the lake house maintenance independently.
• Expresses understanding that if the lifestyle is unsustainable for them, they should reconsider their financial practices.

Dave Ramsey’s Insight:
“If it's a lifestyle that they can't afford, then they shouldn't be doing it.” ([07:45])

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Conclusion: Moving Forward with Firm Boundaries

Timestamp [09:22]:
Dave Ramsey summarizes the importance of fair expectations and clear financial boundaries.

Key Takeaways:

• Decision-Making: If the in-laws expect financial contributions for using the lake house, the caller and her husband must decide if they are willing to comply or opt out.
• Financial Independence: Emphasizes maintaining control over their finances without succumbing to external pressures.
• Healthy Relationships: Encourages maintaining family relationships while establishing necessary financial boundaries to prevent future conflicts.

Final Notable Quote:
“You need to be fair that if they may not. If you're not willing to chip in on the expenses, they may not want you to use it.” ([09:03])

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Key Insights and Lessons Learned

1. Financial Autonomy: Couples should maintain control over their finances without external interference, even from close family members.
2. Clear Communication: Proactively discussing financial expectations and boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and discomfort.
3. Healthy Boundaries: Establishing emotional and financial boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy family relationships and personal financial peace.
4. Assessing Traditions: Not all family traditions are beneficial; it's important to evaluate and modify them to align with one’s financial goals and stability.

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Notable Quotes:

• “She doesn't get a vote on your budget or your marriage or anything that happens inside your house.” – Dave Ramsey ([03:11])
• “We talk about it upfront and. But we don't send them a bill two weeks later for catering.” – Dave Ramsey ([04:29])
• “If it's a lifestyle that they can't afford, then they shouldn't be doing it.” – Dave Ramsey ([07:45])
• “You need to be fair that if they may not. If you're not willing to chip in on the expenses, they may not want you to use it.” – Dave Ramsey ([09:03])

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This episode provides valuable insights into navigating complex family financial dynamics, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and firm boundaries to achieve financial peace and maintain healthy relationships.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

I have a question about some family finances. My husband and I started Financial Peace University about a month ago, and in doing so, we kind of uncovered, well, I uncovered some things about some family traditions with money that his family has that is making me a little bit uncomfortable. Like yesterday morning he got a text from his mom saying, hey, you owe us $100. And that happens quite frequently throughout the year. Probably maybe five or six times a year.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm trying to figure out for what.

[Caller]

So there's a lake, a family lake house, and like taxes on the lake house. I think the most recent one was for the tailgate parking spot. Sometimes it's for. If we've spent the weekend with them. It's for food from the weekend, which we don't mind paying for those things, but it's an after the fact type of thing.

[John Deloney]

Is he on the. Is he one of the owners of the lake house?

[Dave Ramsey]

No, he is not in the tailgate spot. That sounds like a football thing.

[Caller]

Correct.

[John Deloney]

So somebody, somebody purchased the spot and if you use it, you have to pay back that person. Is that what it is?

[Caller]

Well, we have a different spot. We buy our own spot for the year.

[Dave Ramsey]

Why would you pay for theirs?

[Caller]

Well, that's my question.

[Dave Ramsey]

And why is it you're just now discovering this? How long you been married?

[Caller]

We celebrated our third anniversary on Tuesday.

[John Deloney]

Okay, so how much does this amount to? Is this like 100 bucks a month? Has this happened like twice in the year? What does it amount to?

[Caller]

So for the tailgate spot, it's a hundred dollars, and that would be for the year. So it just always. It's never like. It's never something I expect. And it's always been something that he paid. Until we combined our finances a month ago, it was something that he just paid for out of his money. And thank you to John Deloney, building a non anxious life because it really helped us to get on the same page.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so when you say to your husband this makes me uncomfortable, what does he say?

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[Dave Ramsey]

Ramsey so when you say to your husband, I, this makes me uncomfortable, what does he say?

[Caller]

So he actually had a conversation with his mom last night saying, you know, no more of this retroactive stuff of you guys spending money and then us paying you back. You know, you need to have a conversation with us up front. And her response was, are you sure you want to do this budget thing?

[Dave Ramsey]

That was not the. That was not the statement. The statement was not about our budget. The statement was, you have to tell us in advance or we're not going to pay you.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's it. She doesn't get a vote on your budget or your marriage or anything that happens inside your house. She's the mother in law. By definition, that means she does not get a vote. If anybody doesn't get a vote, it's her.

[John Deloney]

Yeah. How does he.

[Dave Ramsey]

Of all the people on the planet, she's the one that has the least chance of getting a vote.

[Caller]

Well. Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm serious. I mean, the worst position you can possibly be in is to be the mother in law for the son. It is the weakest position on the planet and the most power hungry.

[Caller]

Okay? And I do realize it's a difference in culture from my family. I was raised by a cpa.

[Dave Ramsey]

But that's not. That's not the point. The point is your husband, your husband said to someone outside your home, we will not accept surprise Billings anymore. And that's the end of the story, period.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dave Ramsey]

And by the way, you did do this, right? He talked to her. You don't need to be brought up in this because you'll become the evils, the evil girl that took her baby boy away.

[Caller]

Well, I learned that from listening to your show for about two weeks now.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay? So that was very good. Good. I'm glad you got you caught on to that.

[John Deloney]

Doing it. Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And here. And here's the thing. It's okay. I mean, you can be gentle about this. You don't need to be harsh about it because it's not a lot of money. It's just an emotional boundary violation.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And it's just. It's just, you know, mom, we don't want to be in a parking spot for tailgating. We have our own. She got, you know, it's the deal. And if we're going to do something in the Ramsey family, we got a lake house. I'm going down there this weekend. Same thing. If we're going to do something. And Sharon, my wife, gets tired of doing all the cooking, so she emails the girls, including the daughter in law and the two daughters, and says, whoever's going to be here, y' all need to talk about what you're going to cook, because I'll help you, but I'm not going to do it all. And you guys got. We're going to figure this out a little bit. And so you're like grown women and stuff. And so this is. And the girls go, okay, yeah, we'll chip in. And they don't mind doing that. We talk about it up front and. But we don't send them a bill two weeks later for catering.

[Caller]

Right, right, right. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. What do you think about the taxes on the lake house? I mean, we do.

[Dave Ramsey]

Why would you be obligated to pay taxes on someone else's lake house?

[Caller]

Well, that was my question. Because it's not. My husband's name is not on the house.

[John Deloney]

That's why I asked.

[Caller]

That was kind of my question.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, so you could pay the taxes on my. My lake house if you want, since you're paying for other people's lake houses. I mean, why not?

[Caller]

Right?

[Dave Ramsey]

That's about as dumb.

[Caller]

I agree.

[John Deloney]

When you asked your. When you asked your husband, what did he say? What was the reason?

[Dave Ramsey]

Did he make a promise that he would do that?

[Caller]

I don't think so. I think it was just an implication when they built the house, you know, he was in college, and I think that's just kind of how it's ended up.

[Dave Ramsey]

When you're in college and your parents build a lake house, they don't call up and go, you got to pay taxes. You're in college.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

These people are weird, okay?

[John Deloney]

And not the good kind of weird.

[Dave Ramsey]

I know that's not. It's not a good Ramsey weird thing. So, I mean. Yeah, no, we did not. We don't pay taxes on somebody else's lake house. And I don't know how this tradition started, but it's a weird tradition and it really needs to stop.

[John Deloney]

That's not a tradition.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, it's a tradition for these people. And so they have some weird things they do, and, you know, we've just got to. But you can be gentle about it. Okay, I'm being a little bit bombastic because it's a little bit absurd. And I want you to hear it's absurd, but you guys can be gentle about moving away from mom and dad. Look, we're working hard on this stuff. We're Trying to get ourselves out of debt. And. And it's your lake house, and I'm no longer comfortable paying the taxes on your lake house.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And, you know, I'm gonna let you know that way in advance. So this fall, when the taxes come due, you're not caught off guard, you.

[John Deloney]

Know, is it part of you being able to go and hang out there several times a year? Is that what it is? Is it just the.

[Dave Ramsey]

No. Well, it shouldn't be.

[Caller]

Well, I didn't think so until I found out that that was the expectation.

[John Deloney]

Okay, so that's the expectation. You come and use the lake house. You get to use the lake house twice a year, and in return, you pay how much. How much are the taxes?

[Caller]

I think my husband, when I looked it up on the county records, it said something like 4,000 for the year. And I think he paid like 3 or 400 last year.

[John Deloney]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I do. These people, they're not able to afford the lake house. Is that the problem?

[Caller]

Well, that's. That's, that's my. I told my husband, I was like, you know, we. If. If it's a lifestyle that they can't afford, then they shouldn't be doing it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller]

But it. And I try not to be critical, but when you dip your hands into our finances, then.

[John Deloney]

Well, how often do you go to the lake house?

[Caller]

Just maybe five weekends a year.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. If, you know, if the deal is you don't get to go to the lake house because you're unwilling to pay $300 a year rent to use the family in air quotes. Lake house, then that's a decision you all can make. But basically you're being asked to pay some of the expenses because you're using it as a rental. And if you don't want to use it, then that's their decision might be that they don't want someone who's not willing to pay to come. And that would be okay, if that's how they want to do it. They're running an Airbnb for the family, I guess. I don't know. But a cheap one, but it's still that. But again, I've got a lake house and I pay the taxes. Nobody else pays the taxes, regardless of who visits. Okay. John Deloney was down there one time, and I didn't ask him for any rent, you know, so, you know, it's just. That's just you have guests at your lake house. If you do a deal up front, and the family is a family, understand it.

[John Deloney]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

To buy something but you don't do that with a college student.

[John Deloney]

Now, it doesn't sound like that. It sounds like they said, if you're going to use.

[Dave Ramsey]

People are very intertwined and they don't have good, clear boundaries. And so it's time to untangle some of this. But now you need to be. You need to be fair that if they may not. If you're not willing to chip in on the expenses, they may not want you to use it.

[John Deloney]

Five weekends is a lot to give up for $300.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's a fair expectation on their part. They may say, look, only those that chip in can use it.

[John Deloney]

Yeah. Because that's, that's them saying, hey, while you're there, you're paying basically the utilities while you're there.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't think I could go there. But I mean, I do tell, you know, like whoever's down there next weekend when I'm not, fill the dad gum boat up a gas leave. Hello. Yeah, you know, I do tell them to do stuff like that, but my kids, My kids. I mean, yeah. My grown kids. What? That's such an oxymoron.

[John Deloney]

Adult children.

[Dave Ramsey]

The adult ramses.

[John Deloney]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

The Gen 2 Gentoo can fill up the boat.

[John Deloney]

You should, you should leave the place.

[Dave Ramsey]

Better than you left, by the way. I don't also say you can't come back if you don't do that. That's true either. So, you know, you know, storming and we forgot to do it. Whatever. Wow. Some people's children. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.