What’s An Appropriate Gift For My Friend’s Black Tie Wedding (I’m In Debt and Also A Bridesmaid)

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: What’s An Appropriate Gift For My Friend’s Black Tie Wedding (I’m In Debt and Also A Bridesmaid)
Date: October 22, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode tackles a practical yet anxiety-inducing question: What's the right wedding gift to give if you're a bridesmaid, attending a high-end black tie wedding, and already deep into your own debt payoff journey? Hosts George Kamel and Rachel Cruze, along with a caller (the concerned bridesmaid), candidly discuss the etiquette, financial realities, and social expectations around wedding gifting—especially when money is tight and wedding costs are already mounting.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Caller’s Dilemma (00:06–00:41)

• Situation: The caller, age 29 and currently paying off student loans, is a bridesmaid for her friend's "very nice" black tie wedding in Chicago. She has already attended the bachelorette party and bridal shower (without yet gifting), and is also attending the rehearsal dinner and wedding with her boyfriend.
• Gift Debate: She and her boyfriend are debating how much they each should give as a gift, since they’re attending everything together.

2. Who Should Give? Plus, Gifting Etiquette (00:41–01:26)

• Rachel’s Quick Question: Rachel Cruze asks, “Why does the boyfriend... He's just the boyfriend. Why does he have to buy a wedding gift? Am I too cheap on that?” (00:58)
• Clarification: The caller shares that her boyfriend is friends with the groom, so he will contribute for this wedding, but not for another she’s attending solo.

3. Creative vs. Practical Gifts (01:23–02:16)

• George’s Suggestion: George floats the idea of a creative, sentimental, but inexpensive gift from Etsy:
  “What’s a really sentimental, really not expensive, but really cool thing that you could do?” (01:23)
• Registry Question: The caller wonders if giving something not on the registry is a faux pas. George and Rachel both downplay strict registry adherence.
  George: “Ask her to name 30 things on the registry. She’ll lose track after seven.” (01:55)

4. Cash Gifting: How Much Is Enough? (02:00–03:20)

• Caller’s Plan: The caller prefers giving money, proposing $150 per person.
• Rachel’s Opinion: Rachel supports this approach, saying, “I think $150... That’s nice. If it’s cash, I don’t believe you would not.” (02:50)
• Expense Reality: It’s revealed the caller has already spent over $1,000 on wedding-related events and attire.
  George empathizes: “I just know the amount of money you’ve already spent... I can’t imagine what you’re spending on dresses.” (03:04)

5. Should Bridesmaids Buy a Gift At All? (02:26–03:37)

• Host’s Perspective: The host questions the expectation:
  “I thought if you were a bridesmaid, you don’t get a gift because, like, you’re doing a lot already. You’re spending a lot of money to be a bridesmaid.” (02:27)
  But Rachel and the group confirm etiquette still expects a gift, even from attendants.
• Rachel’s Reality Check: “I don't think you're being realistic... People expect things. We live in a society now where everybody expects something.” (03:43)

6. Navigating Social Pressure and Financial Boundaries (03:59–05:24)

• Social Expectations: Rachel and George lament the ever-increasing pressure around gift-giving—weddings, “push presents,” and more.
  Rachel: “That didn’t exist when my wife had a baby... So many gifts.” (04:01)
• Low Cash Gift is Acceptable: Rachel: “I would go with a low cash gift or else she's going to be [mad that you didn’t].” (04:18)
• Replacing the Dinner Plate: The caller raises the idea of covering the “cost per plate” with the gift, especially since she’s attending both a rehearsal and wedding dinner.

7. Resisting the Cycle of One-Upmanship (05:08–05:24)

• George’s Take: “This idea that we just keep going and going and going and going is ridiculous in general.” (05:08)
• Expenses of Friendship: George references a previous episode on “how expensive it is just to be a friend with someone.” (05:08)
• The Escalating Demands: Host jokes about the endless parade of destination events: “And then the 30th trip and the 40th trip and you better come with me.” (05:19)

8. Alternative Gift Ideas & Final Takeaways (05:24–06:29)

• Sentimental Solution: Rachel suggests a personalized Etsy gift with a nod to the wedding couple’s lake house, mirroring something she'd seen given by Dave and Sharon Ramsey. (05:24–05:40)
• Levity About Black Tie Events: George: “A black tie wedding kind of feels like a dream. That would be so fun to go to a black tie wedding.” Rachel retorts, “I think I'd rather get a colonoscopy.” Laughter ensues. (05:49–06:11)
• Maximize Value: The caller jokes about getting her money’s worth at the open bar; George and the host encourage: “Earn your money back, girl. Earn your money back on that open bar.” (06:23)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Rachel Cruze: “Why does the boyfriend... He’s just the boyfriend. Why does he have to buy a wedding gift? Am I too cheap on that?” (00:58)
• George Kamel: “What’s a really sentimental, really not expensive, but really cool thing that you could do?” (01:23)
• Rachel Cruze: “I think $150. That’s nice. If it’s cash, I don’t believe you would not.” (02:50)
• Host: “I thought if you were a bridesmaid, you don’t get a gift because, like, you’re doing a lot already.” (02:27)
• Rachel Cruze: “We live in a society now where everybody expects something... I would go with a low cash gift or else she’s going to be [mad].” (03:43, 04:18)
• George Kamel: “This idea that we just keep going and going... is ridiculous in general.” (05:08)
• Rachel Cruze (on black tie weddings): “I think I’d rather get a colonoscopy.” (06:11)
• George Kamel: “Earn your money back, girl. Earn your money back on that open bar.” (06:23)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:06 – Caller introduction and dilemma
• 00:41–01:10 – Who should give gifts?
• 01:23–01:49 – Creative vs classic registry gifts
• 02:00–02:16 – Should cash gifts replace registry gifts?
• 02:26–03:04 – The financial burden on bridesmaids and expectations
• 03:43–04:18 – Societal expectations and realistic advice
• 05:08–05:24 – Rising costs of friendship and endless events
• 05:24–05:40 – Personalized gift suggestion
• 05:49–06:11 – Humorous reflections on black tie weddings
• 06:22–06:29 – Making the most of the open bar

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Conclusion

The Ramsey team offers a blend of practical budgeting insight and a healthy dose of wit. While etiquette may suggest bridesmaids should still buy a gift, George and Rachel stress personal boundaries, advocating for a reasonable cash amount or a creative, meaningful (but affordable) present—especially after significant expenses. The big takeaway: honor your friend, stay within your means, and don’t let gift-giving pressures sabotage your financial goals or your enjoyment of the celebration.

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Transcript

[Host]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Bride's Friend]

I am 29. Baby step two. Just student loans left, but I'm going. I'm a bridesmaid for my friend's black tie wedding here in Chicago. And so I've already gone to her bachelorette and then went to the bridal shower. Didn't give a gift yet. And then I'm going with my boyfriend to the very nice rehearsal dinner and then obviously the very nice wedding. What would an appropriate gift be? My boyfriend and I kind of disagree about obviously. We kind of each do something, since we're both going together for all these events, of how much we should each be giving.

[Rachel]

Oh, this is great.

[George]

Okay, I'm a little old school wedding etiquette here. Have you given a gift at all at any point?

[Bride's Friend]

No, other than anything. I mean, other than the. When we travel together. Right. I think we all split the Airbnb. Sure.

[George]

Okay. Yeah, but you haven't given a physical gift yet.

[Rachel]

Okay, I got a quick question for everybody. And you, Rachel. Why does the boyfriend. He's just the boyfriend. Why does he have to buy a wedding gift? Am I too cheap on that?

[George]

George, are you friend. Is he friends with the groom?

[Bride's Friend]

Yes. And that's. So we're going to a wedding actually the weekend before. That's just for my friend and he's not giving a gift for that one. I'll give one for both of us.

[George]

Okay, I have an idea.

[Rachel]

Oh, I like it.

[George]

I don't really have an idea, but kind of an idea because I'm not creative. Go on, Etsy. It's like, what's a really sentimental, really not expensive, but really cool thing that you could do that's like. Oh, yeah, it's not going to be an obvious like KitchenAid mixer that. You know what I mean? Like, that she's going to know the price of it.

[Bride's Friend]

Do you think someone wants that for their. I don't know.

[George]

But between your, like your friendship or something, like, it's a gift to her.

[Bride's Friend]

That's fair.

[George]

And it's something there that's not gonna cost a lot.

[Bride's Friend]

I thought it was like a faux pas to give something that's not on the registry.

[George]

Okay, you're all black. Tying me up. I can't. No. Like, no.

[Host]

Like, it's like, ask her to name 30 things on the registry. She'll lose track after seven.

[Bride's Friend]

I just give money. I don't want to give her stuff. Ideally, I thought I should give.

[George]

Oh, you're just gonna give like a 200.

[Bride's Friend]

I mean, ideally, I wanted to give, like, 150 each person.

[George]

Oh, I hear you. I hear you.

[Bride's Friend]

I mean, I can. For, like a money.

[Rachel]

Oh, I like this. This is a little more specific.

[George]

Okay, okay, okay. It usually is a phone call, but honestly, you've spent so much already. I just be like, thanks for being my friend and being here for everything. Like, I don't really care what you're saying.

[Host]

Let me get this straight. You're a bridesmaid?

[Rachel]

Yes.

[Host]

Okay.

[Rachel]

Call her.

[Host]

Me, stupid. I thought if you were a bridesmaid, you don't get a gift because, like, you're doing a lot already. You're spending a lot of money to be a bridesmaid.

[George]

You agree with this.

[Host]

You still get a gift. Okay, I'm hearing from the. Especially the older ladies in the room.

[Rachel]

I'm gonna go. I like your 150. I think 150.

[Bride's Friend]

150 each person.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Bride's Friend]

Okay.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Total.

[Bride's Friend]

Total.

[Host]

My boyfriend thinks this feels like prices right now.

[Bride's Friend]

Well.

[George]

Oh, yeah, this is good.

[Rachel]

I. Listen, I love this. I told the audience to speak up. I love it. It's my opinion. I'm going 150. As you. I'm not speaking on behalf of the boyfriend, but I'm saying to you, I think 150. That's nice. That's nice. If it's cash, I don't believe you would not.

[George]

Well, it's just. I just know the amount of money you've already spent. And I mean, the way you're talking about, it's a very elevated. Everything's been elevated experiences. So I can't imagine what you're spending on dresses and, I mean, you're spending a lot. I'm assuming. Maybe not.

[Bride's Friend]

I've spent over a thousand already.

[George]

Okay, that time's good.

[Host]

Thank you, guys.

[George]

Go to X Men.

[Host]

I didn't ask for a gift from my groomsmen for my own wedding.

[George]

Listen, yes, you usually give a gift.

[Host]

But I'm saying normalize. No gifts if you're in the wedding. Thank you.

[George]

No, it's etiquette.

[Host]

I don't think that's stupid.

[Bride's Friend]

It's etiquette.

[George]

It's etiquette.

[Host]

I went to the bachelor party. I'm taking up all my time.

[George]

That's what I'm saying. Get creative with the gift itself.

[Rachel]

I let it go more. Rachel. George, I don't think you're being realistic. And I don't have a fundamental problem with either one of your answers. I just don't think it's realistic with. People expect things. You Yourself just revealed to me another sign of the apocalypse tonight. That we have a push gift now.

[George]

Yeah, Push presents. Push present.

[Rachel]

Push present, whatever. That didn't exist when my wife had a baby. She got flowers and whatever. I don't know. Too many gifts. So we live in a society now where everybody expects something. Okay, I'm trying to give you practical advice. I would go with a low cash gift or else she's going to be.

[George]

Mad that you Would you go low cash? Because it's so obvious, like, that's my thing.

[Rachel]

Right.

[Bride's Friend]

I thought it was supposed to give money to replace what they're paying on your. The plate of food. And so I'm getting two dinners, rehearsal and then regular. And they're nice like salmon.

[Host]

How do we know she's even paying for this with her own money now? We're paying the parents for covering the bill.

[Bride's Friend]

No, she and her fiance are paying for it.

[Rachel]

Wow.

[Host]

That's on them. Listen, some of my friends are fancier than me. I can't keep up. I cannot keep up with my fancy friends.

[Rachel]

I guess the easy solution.

[Bride's Friend]

Out of my element.

[Host]

Don't invite me to your wedding.

[Rachel]

How about that? Now that. That I concur.

[George]

I think three, $300 isn't going to break you. I think if you decide to do that, it's fine. But I do think this, like, idea that we're just going to keep going and going and going and going and going is ridiculous in general.

[Rachel]

Right.

[George]

And I know you're. It's. It's a tough position, like. And we actually did it. We did a. I think it's smart money happy hour episode about being single friends today. How expensive it is just to be a friend with someone.

[Host]

And then the 30th trip and the 40th trip and you better come with me.

[George]

It just keeps going internationally.

[Rachel]

You know, the more I hear this, like, the easiest solve is to get the exact same thing on Etsy that she got from Dave and Sharon and just say it's for your grandkids one day.

[Bride's Friend]

Cause this is the gift that she. They have a lake house.

[George]

Yeah.

[Bride's Friend]

Yeah.

[George]

You could, you could, you could.

[Rachel]

I think that's the play.

[Bride's Friend]

Thank you.

[Rachel]

You need a sponsorship with Etsy, by the way.

[George]

And I never go on like, I'm not, I'm not.

[Rachel]

Give her some love. Wasn't that good? So fun.

[George]

But can I say yes? I am not as bougie as you, even though I'm the truffled Mac and cheese up here. A black tie wedding kind of feels like a dream. I would be. That would be so fun to go to a black tie wedding.

[Rachel]

Only a woman says that. Cause people that have to actually wear the bridge.

[George]

I mean, you're the bridesmaid, but, like, everyone's just. I don't know, it just seems so.

[Rachel]

Like, oh, yeah, I think I'd rather get a colonoscopy. I. There are a lot of people.

[George]

Hey, have fun.

[Rachel]

There's a lot of people in this room who get it.

[Bride's Friend]

Open bar.

[George]

Earn your money back, girl. Earn your money back on that open bar.

[Host]

You know that's right. Milk that open bar for all it's worth.

[George]

Amen.

[Rachel]

No guy wants to go to a black tie anything.

[Host]

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