What's Wrong With Your Parents?

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Title: What's Wrong With Your Parents?
Date: September 6, 2025
Podcast Host: Dave Ramsey
Guests/Co-Hosts: George Kamel
Caller: John

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dave Ramsey and George Kamel take a call from John, a 19-year-old college sophomore, who describes a troubling pattern of his parents borrowing—and not repaying—his and his siblings’ earnings. The conversation delves into the dynamics of financial abuse within families, the emotional and ethical implications, and the importance of setting boundaries. The hosts offer both practical and emotional guidance, not shying away from calling out the dysfunctional nature of John's family’s behavior.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Caller’s Story: Parental Financial Abuse

• John’s Experience:

  • In high school, John’s parents repeatedly took about $3,000 of his earnings, promising to pay him back but never doing so.
  • His siblings, currently aged 16–17, are now experiencing the same treatment.
  • John has since moved out for college and secured his finances separately.

• [00:25] John:

  “I had. Well, I was making about five to $8,000 a year just working part time and then full time during the summers.”

  “About $3,000 total after. Before I could get my own bank account…”

• Dave’s Immediate Reaction:

  • Unapologetically calls this “financial abuse” and expresses bewilderment at the parents’ behavior.
  • Emphasizes that adults should never take money from their children, regardless of circumstances.

• [01:05] Dave Ramsey:

  “Financial abuse?... Yeah. Okay. What’s wrong with your parents? That’s so weird.”

2. The Justification and Reality

• John explains that his parents have financial troubles, including his mother’s injury and job loss, but also reveals the family’s income is over $100k per year.

• The hosts challenge the justification that it’s about survival and food, given the actual income.

• [03:33] Dave Ramsey:

  “I mean, what’s. What. What is good money? Because food on the table is not good money. If you have to take it from a teenager... Yeah, they don’t have good money.”

• [03:47] John:

  “Well, I think they make definitely over 100 grand. That was a couple of years ago. I heard it.”

• [03:52] Dave Ramsey:

  “So these people are just whacked. They’re just whacked. Okay.”

3. The Toll on Siblings and Family Dynamics

• John worries about his siblings’ ability to prepare for their futures while their parents drain their savings.

• George and Dave discuss the difficulty of protecting money when still living under the parents’ roof and contemplate the consequences of confronting the parents.

• Emphasis on the “elephant in the room”—the family avoids addressing the obvious breach of trust.

• [04:04] George:

  “Are there equally wacky stories that you’re not bringing up and we don’t have time to cover?”

• [05:34] Dave Ramsey:

  “Let me help you with this. There’s a big old elephant with his butt sitting in the middle of your living room. Already y’all are walking around it. Yeah. Acting like it’s not there.”

4. What Can Be Done?

• Dave suggests two options:

  • Make peace and move on
  • Interfere to protect siblings, possibly by helping them open their own bank accounts, even at the cost of family conflict

• [05:18] Dave Ramsey:

  “That’s what I say. I just say, you know, you’re freaking thief.”

• George raises the point of whether protecting the siblings could lead to their being thrown out of the house.

• [06:20] George:

  “…I legitimately think that if I confronted them. I’m talking about your siblings, and they were still doing it, I think I would have left. I would have gone to family. I would have gone somewhere, because I think that’s such a breach of trust.”

5. Ethical and Long-Term Considerations

• Dave and George call out the parents’ lack of integrity, calling their actions “scummy” and discussing the ethics of such behavior.

• They underline that John won't be able to fix his parents, but denial isn't healthy either.

• [06:43] Dave Ramsey:

  “Yeah. It’s really the lack of integrity. Here on the. The ethics of this are just scummy.”

• Dave jokes about wanting to “throw a grenade” in the middle of the situation, recognizing the need for intervention but acknowledging the potential for family fallout.

6. Seeking Support and Setting Boundaries

• Dave recommends that John seek local, in-person pastoral or counseling support, instead of acting alone, and encourages setting boundaries for future interactions with his parents.

• Suggests the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud.

• [07:14] Dave Ramsey:

  “John, I’ll tell you what I’d like for you to do. I’d like for you to take advice from someone other than us because we’re just stirring up trouble here and I don’t think that’s wise either. So if I were you, I would get with a local pastor there and if you’re not plugged into a good church, get plugged into a good church and get some good godly counsel…”

• Calls out the parents’ excuses as “narcissistic” and “gaslighting”:

  “…That’s a narcissistic bullcrap line. Whether they’re a narcissist, I don’t know. But it’s a narcissistic line. It’s gaslighting.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Dave Ramsey [01:32]:

  “I mean grown ups don’t take kids money. That’s just not okay for any reason to borrow or otherwise. That’s just wrong.”

• Dave Ramsey [04:38]:

  “…they don’t give a rip. They justify it, which is absolutely ludicrous. Typically what some kind of weirdo like this will do…”

• Dave Ramsey [05:34]:

  “There’s a big old elephant with his butt sitting in the middle of your living room. Already y’ all are walking around it. Yeah. Acting like it’s not there.”

• George Kamel [06:20]:

  “I would have gone to family. I would have gone somewhere, because I think that’s such a breach of trust. It’s just so nuts.”

• Dave Ramsey [07:14]:

  “…if this were another kind of abuse, it would be against the law and social services would come in. But this is just financial abuse. They’re just stealing the money and they don’t need it to eat. That’s absolute hogwash. If they make 100,000 and they’re not choosing food over choosing stealing their teenagers money, they’re not choosing. That’s just bull crap. That’s a narcissistic bullcrap line… It’s gaslighting. So yeah, wow.”

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Important Timestamps

• 00:06–01:05: John introduces the problem.
• 01:12–01:32: John explains family background and justifications.
• 02:09–02:36: George discusses the challenge of protecting money at home.
• 03:10–03:52: Discussion about parents’ income and their excuses.
• 04:04–04:38: Exploration of broader family dysfunction.
• 05:17–05:34: Dave and George contemplate possible actions to protect siblings.
• 06:20–06:43: George’s personal hypothetical and Dave's ethical assessment.
• 07:14–end: Dave’s advice: seek local counsel and set boundaries.

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Final Thoughts

This episode tackles a serious and often taboo topic: financial abuse within families. The hosts don’t mince words about the integrity issues at play, providing both affirmation for John’s feelings and practical advice for navigating the situation. Their blend of empathy, candor, and the suggestion of seeking outside support reflects the complexity of dealing with family financial dysfunction. The strong stance on boundaries and personal empowerment offers support not just to John, but to any listener facing similar challenges.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[John]

So I have a question for you. I'm in college now and I just, I'm starting my sophomore year. I. My siblings, my parents have been. Took money from me in high school as like borrowing it to supplement their income and then just didn't pay it back and now they're doing it for my siblings.

[Dave Ramsey]

How much money did you have in high school?

[John]

I had. Well, I was making about five to $8,000 a year just working part time and then full time during the summers.

[Dave Ramsey]

How much money did they take from you?

[John]

About $3,000 total after. Before I could get my own bank account and then all my money's in there now.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you said you're off at school now?

[John]

Yeah, I'm in college now so I have my own bank accounts. It's all separate. I'm good.

[Dave Ramsey]

You're how old? You're how old?

[John]

I'm 19.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. Wow. I'm sorry. And now that's happening to your little brothers and sisters. Okay. Financial abuse?

[John]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Okay. What's wrong with your parents? That's so weird.

[John]

I mean, I think they, I mean we've had some issues where happened where my mom had an injury that's been working through like a, like a legal case or whatever and stuff and they just, she lost her job and so they've just been running on not much but like it's okay. You know, I get if you know they pay you back in something a month or two or something like that but when they.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's been years, it's really not okay. I mean grown ups don't take kids money. That's just not okay for any reason to borrow or otherwise. That's just wrong. I mean there's just something wrong with the family script, isn't there?

[John]

Yeah. So I don't. I'm just wondering your advice because I'm, I'm okay now but I just want to know what your thoughts because they're, they're smart, they're going to be successful but you know, when they're trying to get ready to go into college or get their first car, it's like, you know, how are they supposed to do this? So.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow.

[George]

That'S a tough situation. I'm sitting here thinking through this because they can't try to. Any ideas that I had, and I had two or three pop in my mind about how they could protect their money. But the problem is they live in their house and if they're being abused in that Way where they're taking their money. Them hiding money from your parents isn't a legitimate solution just because of the tension and all of that and the craziness. So there's not much they can do.

[Dave Ramsey]

Have you ever talked to your parents about how this made you feel?

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[Dave Ramsey]

Have you ever talked to your parents about how this made you feel?

[John]

Yeah, and they just justified it because, like, you know, it's either we're gonna put food on the table and, like, you're gonna eat, or like, we're gonna, you know. You know, that kind of thing that was.

[Dave Ramsey]

I mean, why don't they work?

[John]

Well, they. They work and they make good money. They just don't. They don't have a budget. They don't.

[Dave Ramsey]

I mean, what's. What. What is good money? Because food on the table is not good money. If you have to take it from a teenager. Yeah, they don't have good money.

[John]

Well, I think they make definitely over 100 grand. That was a couple of years ago. I heard it.

[Dave Ramsey]

So these people are just whacked. They're just whacked. Okay.

[George]

How old are your siblings?

[John]

Like, 16, 17 in high school. So like, right around the age to get a car and then, you know, saving up for getting out of car, going into college.

[George]

Are there equally wacky stories that you're not bringing up and we don't have time to cover? But is there a lot of wackiness besides this issue for them and your parents?

[John]

I think just kind of a weirdness around money. You know, I was the first one to actually start making money and, like, have, you know, to get a joint bank account as my first account and then just start making money with summer jobs to save for college. And I think just as things were tight, it was like, oh, it's right there. It's so. It's just easy to transfer some over. Hey, we'll pay you back. 500 bucks. This. 500 bucks. And. And when we get paid or Whatever.

[Dave Ramsey]

So I guess, I mean, you've spoken to them about it. They don't give a rip. They justify it, which is absolutely ludicrous. Typically what some kind of weirdo like this will do, I mean, you have two options. One is just make peace with it and move on with your life. Two is interfere, and that is to call your siblings up and say, hey, if you want to open up a bank account over here, I'll help you open up one. And you can put all your money over here, and I'll help you do that. You can do that at 19 and, you know, have side of bank. It's not hiding it. It's just saying mom and dad. And if your parents say anything, well, you. You stole all my money. I'm trying to keep you from stealing theirs.

[John]

Right?

[Dave Ramsey]

That's what I say. I just say, you know, you're freaking thief.

[George]

Would they kick your siblings out if this were to happen?

[John]

I'm not sure. I don't think they would. But it would add a lot of attention to any and all family gatherings we have after that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[George]

Yeah. Well, they've already done that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Let me help you with this. There's a big old elephant with his butt sitting in the middle of your living room. Already y' all are walking around it. Yeah. Acting like it's not there. He's a big sucker. The elephant in the room. You know I'm talking about, Right. That your parents are thieves. Yeah. There's tension in the room. You've already addressed it. It's just that they don't feel it. That's the only difference. The rest. Everybody else goes, oh, yeah, we kind of watch out for them. It's like the flirty step uncle. I mean, you got to stay away from Bob, you know? Oh, my God. She's like, no, of course we talk about Bob, and we keep Bob away from. You know, I mean, come on. Sorry, Bob.

[George]

Call me out on this. Dave, if I'm wrong, there's a box.

[Dave Ramsey]

Somewhere really pissed right now.

[George]

If I were. I'm trying to put myself in your brother's shoes. 16 and 17. If my mom and dad did this to me, and I'm trying to be as honest as I can, I legitimately think that if I confronted them. I'm talking about your siblings, and they were still doing it, I think I would have left. I would have gone to family. I would have gone somewhere, because I think that's such a breach of trust. It's just so nuts.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. It's really the lack of integrity. Here on the. The ethics of this are just scummy. So. Yeah, I, you know, is that extreme?

[George]

Call me out if I'm wrong. I just trying to be.

[Dave Ramsey]

The other thing is I, I just, I, you know, I don't know what to do because here's the thing. You're not going to fix them. No. Nothing in this is going to fix them. But denial doesn't fix them either.

[John]

I know.

[Dave Ramsey]

So. I don't know. I like throwing a grenade in the middle of it personally, but that's just because I'm a hillbilly. So I like throwing a grenade in the middle of everything.

[George]

What would you have done if that scenario was happening to you when you were.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, I mean, in our culture we all left every. For a lot of reasons. You know, it was just like, we're getting out of here. You're not welcome. You don't be here. I'm gonna do some better somewhere else. It's. And, you know, and part of that was just getting the little eaglets out of the nest, you know, that's okay too. But the, you know, no 28 year olds in the basement in our culture, so. But anyway, the pooh. Yeah, I'm sorry, that's just. That's two in a row of these things. Whack family stuff. We're just gonna sell Henry Cloud's book all day. And yeah, it's an old book, but still selling it. Yeah. Boundaries. I. John, I'll tell you what I'd like for you to do. I'd like for you to take advice from someone other than us because we're just stirring up trouble here and I don't think that's wise either. So if I were you, I would get with a local pastor there and if you're not plugged into a good church, get plugged into a good church and get some good godly counsel from someone that is a pastoral counsel that just says, okay, what should happen here? I mean, if this were another kind of abuse, it would be against the law and social services would come in. But this is just financial abuse. They're just stealing the money and they don't need it to eat. That's absolute hogwash. If they make 100,000 and they're not choosing food over choosing stealing their teenagers money, they're not choosing. That's just bull crap. That's a narcissistic bullcrap line. Whether they're a narcissist, I don't know. But it's a narcissistic line. It's gaslighting. So yeah, wow. I don't, I, I hesitate to send the 19 year old in to do battle in this, so. But, but you know, you can either do nothing and just, you know, talk to your siblings on the side and say hey, how to hide the money or talk to them on the side and just be right up front, say I'm going to help them open a bank account because of what you did to me and you've never paid me back. And they can't get because you keep taking their money. And then if they're pissed, they're pissed. I mean, so what? You know, worse things could happen than pissing off people like this. So somebody needs to do something. But John, I hate to send you into the battle by yourself, so I'd put some counsel in your corner and let them talk through it with you. It's just know from us that we're verifying that this is cray cray. It's nuts. Okay. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.