Advisor 2 (1:54)

And so her mom was taking money out of the account that she set up with her name on it and just happened to attach her daughter to it.

Concerned Fiancé (2:00)

Yeah. And when I think the frustrating thing is, you know, it was her money. It's her money that's going in there.

Advisor 2 (2:08)

She needs to stop putting money in.

Advisor 1 (2:09)

There because now your fiance is on the hook for loans that she never saw the money for. Like, did the money even go to the school to pay for the tuition?

Concerned Fiancé (2:19)

We, that's what we're trying to figure out. So we know that when she was at university, she, we know the, we know the amounts went there. And she. Here in Missouri, we have a thing called a, where you get your community college for free if as long as you do like, you know, community service hours. Right. And so that's why she transferred from university to use those and to get her to finish her nursing program at a community college. Because the same, you know, same title. Right so we, we don't know. And that's why we were trying to look. And every time we ask her mom, like, hey, how much is there? She kind of beats around the bush and then gets. Gets kind of annoyed with us.

Advisor 2 (3:03)

All you have to. All you have to do is two things. One, your fiance needs to put a freeze on her credit report so nobody will borrow any more money against her, period. She also needs to pull her credit report and see what else. Because often this kind of behavior doesn't happen in a vacuum.

Concerned Fiancé (3:21)

Right.

Advisor 2 (3:21)

So if mom. We did.

Concerned Fiancé (3:23)

We did pull the credit report. And I actually have the breakdowns of. I think there's four or five individual loans. We just can't see if they were cashed to the university or community college or not.

Advisor 1 (3:36)

So you need to contact those institutions.

Advisor 2 (3:37)

Yeah.

Advisor 1 (3:38)

Get a balance and say, hey, was this. Do I have any past due bills? Were all these things paid? I need receipts for all this. You basically need to be your own forensic forensic accountant and go back through everything and figure out what was paid, what was owed, what are all the receipts, how much loans did we take out? And then there also needs to be this come to Jesus conversation with mom because she's essentially committed identity theft and fraud. Right.

Concerned Fiancé (4:02)

And that's what we're concerned about because, I mean, we don't want Christmas and Thanksgiving especially.

Advisor 2 (4:06)

Well, that's over this being. Listen, the homie, that ship has sailed. If your mother in law or your future mother in law is. Is growing enough to steal from her daughter. Christmas is over, brother, at least for a while. So you have to let that ship go. I'm also going to tell you this. You have to be your fiance's chief supporter, not you dragging her around through a Law and Order episode. You're using the words we a lot. Y' all aren't married yet. This is hers. And I know you want to be a supportive boyfriend. You're all in. We're going to build a future together and all that. But you need to see her also take the reins of her own life.

Concerned Fiancé (4:47)

Okay?

Advisor 2 (4:48)

Okay. And relationally speaking, if she won't back down to her mother, I mean, if she won't stand up to her mom, who's stealing from her, if she won't take this initiative, you're going to deal with this for the rest of your life. It'll happen with kids, it'll happen with House, it'll happen with everything. So you all need to have that relationship conversation.

Advisor 1 (5:02)

It's a big old red flag.

Advisor 2 (5:04)

Huge red flag.

Advisor 1 (5:05)

I would not get married until we solve this.

Advisor 2 (5:08)

Right?

Advisor 1 (5:08)

And there's a, there's a forever solution to this.

Advisor 2 (5:11)

Right?

Concerned Fiancé (5:12)

And that's, you know, that's why we're dealing with this now. First of all, we're getting married in six months. And we were like, okay, we know she graduates in December. Let's take care of this. And we have had the brief con. We, we've had, we have had a conversation like, hey, I can't, you know, I can't be there when you talk to your mom because I'm going to be on the bad side. And it's going to be like, why is your, why is your future husband, you know, getting mad about money? And she, she needs to have that conversation with her mom and her dad. Right? It's not really her dad, but it's her mom. And so we've addressed that. We just have to get to that conversation. That next point.

Advisor 2 (5:48)

Yeah. The other side of this is it may be that the same lack. Inability to have this conversation, the same ability to unquote, stand up on her own two feet, your fiance. It may be that mom has just been taking care of everything forever. And this, there's, there's nothing shady going on. She just deposited the check in her account that she opened up for her daughter when she was 12 and she just kept the same account. And yeah, she buys coffee with it or whatever, but in her mind she also puts money like who, who knows?

Concerned Fiancé (6:23)

Right?

Advisor 2 (6:23)

So right now y' all have a story that you can make up on one side, that you're dealing with the wicked wisdom, wicked wicked witch of the whatever direction. Or you've got someone who thinks they're trying to help, they just put it in the same, in the same account. Right. Either way, you need to go to the colleges and find out what your balance is. That should be a 2 second. Either look into a portal or a 2 second phone call. What's my balance? How much do I owe for tuition? And then find out how much has been borrowed. If there's a gap there, then mom needs to come up with that gap or y' all going to either have to decide we're going to pay it or we're going to have to go contact the non emergency line with our local sheriff because my mom stole thousands of dollars from me. I mean, I don't want to make it so simple, but I don't want the emotion to get such a big deal like we gotta do, man, just go pull the reports, find the numbers and then deal with the reality. That you got before you. But. But listen, Christmas and Thanksgiving are different from forever. Okay, get that.

Concerned Fiancé (7:16)

That's.

Advisor 2 (7:17)

That ship has sailed.

Concerned Fiancé (7:19)

All right?

Advisor 1 (7:19)

There's a spectrum here from control freak to criminal. And so your job is just to be a support for her, help her research this. But she needs to take the reins. She needs to regain control of whatever was lost in her life and have the hard conversations with Mom. And you just stepping in the middle of that to be the hero is. Is not going to play out long term.

Advisor 2 (7:39)

And two other things. Don't ever. It's going to sound crazy. Don't talk bad about her mom. Talk good about her. Support her. And the second thing is, man, if she won't have a hard conversation with her mom now, I promise you, she's not going to have hard conversations when the stakes get higher. After y' all are married.

Host/Advertiser (7:55)

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