"You Don't Have The Money To Do This"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "You Don't Have The Money To Do This"
Date: December 27, 2025
Featured Hosts: Dave Ramsey, Financial Coach (unidentified), Jenny (caller)

Overview

This episode features Dave Ramsey taking a call from Jenny, a single mom struggling under the financial weight of a divorce, mounting debt, and the pressures of providing for her two daughters—especially as they consider college. The conversation revolves around making tough but necessary financial decisions, combating parental guilt, and prioritizing long-term stability over short-term comfort or keeping up appearances.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jenny's Financial Situation

• Jenny’s debts:
  • ~$75,000 in legal fees (due to prolonged divorce litigation)
  • ~$12,000 in credit card debt
  • ~$28,000 remaining on two car loans
• Income: ~$86,000/year
• Housing: $2,300/month rent in Savannah, GA
• Supporting two daughters in private high school via scholarships
• No child support from ex-husband (an attorney living in Chicago)
• Opportunity: Her elderly father (age 90) offers for the family to move in to help financially

The Move: Should Jenny Move In With Her Father?

• Jenny struggles with whether to move now, potentially disrupting her daughters’ routines and commute (30 minutes further from school), or wait one more year until her youngest graduates.
• Dave and the team push her towards moving sooner to address her immediate financial strain.

Notable Quote:

“Whether you move now, when do you want to start making progress?”
– Dave Ramsey (04:20)

College Choices: Can She Afford Northwestern?

• Jenny’s oldest daughter wants to attend Northwestern University (out-of-state, expensive) but has also been accepted to the University of Georgia with significant scholarships (Zell Miller and HOPE, covering most costs).
• Dave is emphatic: They cannot afford Northwestern. If Jenny’s ex won’t pay, it simply isn’t an option.

Notable Quotes:

“No, we’re not going to Northwestern. You don’t have the money to send a kid to Northwestern.”
– Dave Ramsey (02:46)

“I’m a broke single mom. If your freaking father wants to pay for this, we’ll talk about it. But he ain’t paying for nothing.”
– Dave Ramsey (02:55)

“This is your destruction. No, this is stupid.”
– Dave Ramsey (addressing student loans for out-of-reach colleges) (04:02)

Parental Guilt and Financial Discipline

• The conversation turns to the emotional difficulty Jenny feels saying ‘no’ to her daughters, both in car purchases (ending up with expensive loans) and with college choices.
• Dave and the coach underscore the dangers of letting guilt and emotions dictate major financial decisions.

Notable Quote:

“It scares me that you did a bad car deal for your daughter. That you’re going to do a bad college deal for your daughter. Please. Remember the car deal when you couldn’t look at her and say no. This time you’ve got to say no.”
– Dave Ramsey (05:38)

The Value of In-State Education

• Dave and the coach praise the University of Georgia and Georgia Tech as excellent, affordable choices.
• They stress that attending “fancy” or out-of-state institutions with enormous debt leads to long-term regret.

Notable Quote:

“I would hire her to work at Ramsey in a heartbeat, more graduating from there debt free than graduating from Northwestern with $200,000 [debt], because she’s stupid. I don’t want to hire that.”
– Dave Ramsey (06:17)

On Making Tough Calls and Building Resilience

• Dave empathizes but encourages Jenny not to feel guilty for forcing her kids into perfectly adequate options, even if less glamorous, and to put her financial stability first.
• The coach and Dave both argue that temporary “pain” or inconvenience is often necessary for long-term benefit.

Notable Quotes:

“I’m sorry that these children have hard times, that they have to go to an in-state school and drive 30 minutes to school. But their mother is a single mom who’s deeply in debt because of a nasty divorce and such is life.”
– Dave Ramsey (07:16)

“Don’t let a level of mom guilt of what they’ve gone through with the divorce continue. What you think in the moment is a good decision for them because it makes them happy ends up being a bad decision long term for them. And so. And for you.”
– Financial Coach (07:48)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Dave’s Tough Love:
  “No, she’s not going to some Northwestern. She can’t afford it. Yeah, her mother’s broke.” (03:44)

• Driving Distance Perspective:
  “You drive that far to work, they can drive that far to school. Wah.”
  – Dave Ramsey (08:26)

• Empowering Words:
  “You’re going to have to do some smart things for your family, honey. Even if it’s short term, it creates a little drama or pain. I love you. I appreciate you. You’re stronger than you think you are. Hold the ground, girl.”
  – Dave Ramsey (08:26)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:10 Jenny outlines her income, debts, and post-divorce struggles
• 01:38 Discussion of high rent and lack of financial margin
• 02:46 Dave’s stance on college affordability: “No Northwestern”
• 05:36 Dave on car loans and cautionary tales on “bad deals”
• 06:10 Praise for the value of in-state universities
• 07:16 Empathy for Jenny’s situation, but tough advice
• 07:48 Financial coach addresses the dangers of parental guilt
• 08:26 Dave’s closing encouragement and firmness

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Summary & Takeaways

• Stand Your Ground: Jenny must prioritize financial security, even if it means disappointing her daughters or being the 'bad guy' in the moment.
• Say No to Debt: Choosing unaffordable options (like expensive colleges or car loans) in the name of pleasing children will only create more hardship.
• Emotional Traps: Guilt from divorce or tough situations can lead to poor financial decisions—resist the urge to overcompensate.
• Practical Solutions: Accepting help from family and choosing pragmatic options (like moving in with her father and in-state colleges) are not failures, but smart moves toward regaining control.

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For listeners:
This episode is an eye-opening look at how emotional pressure and parental guilt can steer us into financially destructive territory. Through Jenny’s candid story, Dave reminds us that sometimes the most loving answer is a firm “no,” especially when it comes to debt and unrealistic expectations. It’s a must-listen for anyone navigating tough financial and family waters.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

If your private student loans are in default, you're not out of options. Go to yrefi.com Ramsey I am 54 years old.

[Jenny]

I have $75,000 in legal fees, about 12,000 in credit card debt. I have two car payments that total about 28,000. I make 86, about $86,000 a year. I'm paying rent for $2,300 a month. The reason why I'm in such horrible financial is because I went through a divorce in 2016 and my ex husband is an attorney and so like every time I wanted to try to get child support I had to go back to court. So it's been going on for 10 years. So my question is, how old are the kids now? Sure. Okay, so I have one's a senior in high school and then the other one's a junior in high school. So my question is I have them on scholarships at a private school. I have a 90 year old father who has, you know, asked us to move back in with him to help me, you know, pay off all my debt. But that would put my kids about 30 minutes away from their school. And it's kind of a very rural town where he lives. And so I'm wondering, you know, should I stick it out for another year for, until you know, my younger one finishes high school and then move in or should I just try to move in now just because it's my, my rent is really high. It's $2,300 a month.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. For Savannah, Georgia. That's really high.

[Jenny]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So, okay, so you're kind of looking at your numbers. It's, you don't have a lot of margin. So you're kind of spinning your wheels right now, making huge progress because of all these different, you high rent, you've got all these debts looming over you and so forth. What are the boys plans as they come out of school?

[Jenny]

Yeah, two daughters and they.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm sorry, I don't know why I thought they were sons. I apologize.

[Jenny]

No, that's okay. No, so, okay, so I have, my oldest daughter just got into. Well, she wants to go to Northwestern. She applied early decision for Northwestern but she got into University of Georgia and the honors program. So she would qualify for the Zell Miller scholarship and the Hope scholarship would be practically free. The younger one, you know, they both definitely are settled in college but the in state tuition for Georgia is absolutely amazing. But my ex husband is, he lives in Chicago and he's, you know, just kind of, kind of a bug in their ear and I'm going to be responsible for half of their tuition.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, we're not going to Northwestern. You don't have the money to send a kid to Northwestern.

[Jenny]

Mm, sorry. Yeah, I agree. I've been trying to talk her.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't have to talk her out of it. The answer is no. I'm a broke single mom. If your freaking father wants to pay for this, we'll talk about it, but he ain't paying for nothing.

[Jenny]

No, he.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you're going to Georgia, kid. Now you can couch that a little nicer if you want, but that's the bottom line. Measure.

[Financial Coach]

Go dogs.

[Dave Ramsey]

They're playing football. I mean, it's.

[Financial Coach]

Life's good, but that's what I want for her. Which hurts my heart a little, but.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, in state tuition. I mean, I'll never Forget Rachel having two people come off the stage and they were $200,000, both of them in debt, getting married and saying they wanted to be missionaries. At Northwestern you were talking.

[Financial Coach]

It's not the well known Northwestern. It was one outside of Minneapolis.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, excuse me. Okay. I. Northwestern.

[Financial Coach]

But it was still.

[Dave Ramsey]

They both come off the stage making 200 grand, getting married, they got 400 grand in debt and sociology and they want to be missionaries. So no, she's not going to some Northwestern. She can't afford it. Yeah, her mother's broke.

[Jenny]

That she. Well, she says I don't care. I'll take out all the movie that you.

[Dave Ramsey]

I care. I am not participating in this. I'm your mother. This is your destruction. No, this is stupid.

[Jenny]

I 1000% agree.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's 100% stupid. Not even 99. It's a hundred percent stupid.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Financial Coach]

Okay. So should Jenny move back home?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, no, I mean I, you know, whether you move now, when do you want to start making progress?

[Jenny]

And well, I'm up every night about like just sweating over all the, the debt I have and you know, I've been working three jobs.

[Financial Coach]

What are the car loans, Jenny? Whose are they? You said we had two different ones.

[Jenny]

Yeah. So those are two. Those are both ours. Like we have three drivers and we had one car. And then I was. Whatever you said earlier about the. The car lane, I went in there with $5,000 and somehow got sucked into financing it. So I have two. Yeah, we have two cars.

[Dave Ramsey]

What are the. What are the two car loans? Break them down.

[Jenny]

There's an $18,000 for a Hyundai Kona, which is probably worth way less than that. And then there's a, there's about a. Let's see. I think it's about $10,000 for a Hyundai Santa Fe. That's got 125,000 miles on it.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's. That's. That's the one you got.

[Financial Coach]

Now is one of them the. Is one of them the girls?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. The second one is the girl.

[Financial Coach]

Is dad helping at all?

[Dave Ramsey]

No.

[Jenny]

No. I don't get any child support. I don't get anything. He got the marital home. He's an attorney, so he really. He really knew what he was doing by. He would just file frivolous.

[Dave Ramsey]

Here's the thing. Okay.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It scares me that you did a bad car deal for your daughter. That you're going to do a bad college deal for your daughter. Please. Remember the car deal when you couldn't look at her and say no.

[Jenny]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

This time you've got to say no. You're gonna bankrupt your kid. She's gonna spend the next 15 years of her life pissed off at you because you don't stand your ground and not let her go to a college she cannot afford.

[Financial Coach]

And Georgia's a great school.

[Dave Ramsey]

Georgia's fabulous.

[Jenny]

And Georgia Tech, too. Cause she's applied to there as well.

[Dave Ramsey]

These are both world class academic institutions. I don't care if they're in state tuition or not. They really are. They're incredible. I would hire her to work at Ramsey in a heartbeat. More graduating from there debt free than graduating from Northwestern with 200,000. Because she's stupid. I don't want to hire that. Okay. As an employer. I'm serious. We look at somebody and go, she's not stupid.

[Financial Coach]

She's making stupid decisions.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's just dumb. Okay. Don't do it. I don't want to leave this call unclear. Yeah. Okay, so now then this. Yeah. If you want to go ahead and move to dad, the deal is you just got to drive 30 minutes. Is that right?

[Jenny]

Yeah, it'll be 30 minutes. And so they'll be sad that they're not near. I'm like, yeah, but it's saving me $2,300 a month. And he's getting older and he really.

[Financial Coach]

Is like, you could probably help him. I mean, 90 years old for sure. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm sorry that these children have hard times, that they have to go to an in state school and drive 30 minutes to school. But their mother is a single mom who's deeply in debt because of a nasty divorce and such is life.

[Jenny]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

They will survive these 1% problems.

[Jenny]

Exactly.

[Dave Ramsey]

Seriously.

[Jenny]

Okay.

[Financial Coach]

And Jennian, it's probably a level of guilt on your end As a mom.

[Jenny]

Yes.

[Financial Coach]

Because of the divorce and everything that you're trying to provide a great life for them.

[Dave Ramsey]

Right.

[Financial Coach]

Your motivation is totally understandable. Totally understandable. But you can't let the guilt override really bad financial decisions. When emotions get caught up, that's what we find when people are fearful. Guilt, shame, all of it. They end up making bad financial decisions. So don't let a level of mom guilt of what they've gone through with the divorce continue. What. What you think in the moment is a good decision for them because it makes them happy ends up being a bad decision long term for them. And so. And for you.

[Dave Ramsey]

How far do you drive to work?

[Jenny]

It's about 20 minutes. Yeah, 25 minutes. Well, it's the same difference.

[Dave Ramsey]

Kind of like 30 minutes. Yeah. Like, you drive that far to work, they can drive that far to school. Wah. Seriously, you're going to have to do some smart things for your family, honey. Even if it's short term, it creates a little drama or pain. I love you. I appreciate you. You're stronger than you think you are. Hold. Hold the ground, girl. Why refi refinances Defaulted private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn [e-mail] Ramsey.