"You Have Something You Don't Want To Tell Me About"

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "You Have Something You Don't Want To Tell Me About"

The Ramsey Show Highlights | September 27, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Guests/Contributors: Experts including Dave Ramsey & team
Length: ~9 minutes

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, a caller grapples with overwhelming car debt and a strained marriage. The conversation quickly shifts from financial mechanics to profound relationship issues, as the hosts identify the caller’s money trouble as a symptom of deeper marital discord. The segment is a raw, compassionate, and insightful look at how individual financial struggles are often intertwined with personal relationships, and why addressing root causes is as vital as tackling debt itself.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dire Financial Situation

• Car Debt Details:

  • Owes $57,500 on a 2024 Hyundai Palisade
  • Car is worth only $43,000–$45,000 at best, possibly as low as $34,500 by wholesale appraisal
  • Upside down on the loan by $13,000-$20,000 ([01:08])
  • Interest rate: 8% ([02:17])

• Other Debt:

  • $10,000 in credit cards
  • $60,000 in student loans
  • Another $10,000 in unsecured/“negative equity” loans ([02:44])

• Income:

  • Caller earns $60,000/year, has ~$2,000 in savings ([03:02], [03:06])

2. The Real Problem: Marital Disconnect

• The hosts quickly discern that the car problem is rooted in a lack of shared finances and support between the caller and her husband ([03:19]).

• The husband earns $15,000/month but keeps finances entirely separate ([03:34]).

• Notable Quote:

  • “Then we don't have a money problem. We have a marriage problem.” — Expert C ([03:40])

• The caller reveals the husband left for a year following an affair, leaving her financially stranded ([04:20]-[04:48]).

• Upon his return, the relationship remains “very shallow,” with no financial cooperation or emotional healing ([05:08]).

• Memorable insight:

  • “You're trying to act like you have a rich roommate instead of a husband. He's trying to act like he has a poor roommate instead of a wife.” — Expert C ([03:45])

3. Addressing the Emotional Backdrop

• The hosts stress that healing the marriage (with therapy or hard decisions) is essential before any financial fix can succeed ([05:26], [06:12]).

• Quote on root causes:

  • “The car problem is a symptom. It's not the problem. The credit card debts and the other loans are symptoms.” — Expert C ([03:45])
  • “You were desperate, you were scared, you were heartbroken, you weren't thinking clearly, and a car dealer ate your lunch.” ([05:26])

• If no healing, legal consequences for the husband could follow (e.g., alimony/state law), especially after 12 years of marriage ([06:47]).

4. Financial Advice & Options

• Three Choices for the Car Debt: ([07:29])

  1. Pay it Down and sell—perhaps borrowing the difference ($13,000) via a credit union or credit card, preferring smaller, more manageable debt and replacing the car with an inexpensive "hooptie."
     • “I would rather you have $13,000 in debt than $57,000 in debt and get a hooptie to drive for.” — Expert C ([07:38])
  2. Work Extra to pay it off more quickly.
  3. Voluntary Repossession (Repo): Don't do it
     • Would "trash your credit" and leave you open to greater legal/financial risk ([08:13])
     • “A voluntary repo’s a really bad plan. I wouldn't voluntary repo ever. I would just make them take it if they're gonna take it.” — Expert C ([08:37])

• Core message: 98% of the issue is about the marriage, not the car ([07:12]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the marital root of money issues:
  • “Then we don't have a money problem. We have a marriage problem.” ([03:40], Expert C)
  • “You're trying to act like you have a rich roommate instead of a husband. He's trying to act like he has a poor roommate instead of a wife.” ([03:45], Expert C)
  • “You were desperate, you were scared, you were heartbroken, you weren't thinking clearly, and a car dealer ate your lunch.” ([05:26], Expert C)
  • “If you're upside down, you've got three choices…” ([07:29], Expert C)
  • “2% of this call is your car. 98% is your marriage, okay? That makes your life good ten years from today, not your car being fixed problem.” ([07:12], Expert C)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:10 — Caller introduces her car and debt situation
• 01:24 — Hosts explain car value differences (wholesale, retail, private sale)
• 02:44 — Full breakdown of caller’s debt
• 03:34 — Revelation about husband’s large income and separate finances
• 04:20 — Backstory: Husband’s affair and year-long absence
• 05:08 — Caller describes shallow relationship, husband’s refusal to help with debt
• 05:26 — Hosts dig into emotional underpinnings
• 06:12 — Advice: Marriage must heal or end before finances get fixed
• 07:12 — Core message: The marriage is the real problem
• 07:29 — Concrete options for tackling the car debt (and why not to do a voluntary repo)
• 08:37 — Warning about repossession and control over car sale

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Closing Thoughts

This segment is a powerful reminder from the Ramsey team: financial problems often reflect much deeper life and relationship issues. The advice given is not just about fixing a debt number, but about addressing underlying pain—encouraging professional help, unity in marriage, and self-respect.

Listeners are left with both practical debt management steps and a challenge to prioritize healing the relationships at the root of financial decisions.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget I have a question.

[B]

About what to do about my car. I am desperate need to get rid of it. The car payment is astronomical and the interest rate is astronomical. And I'm trying to decide if I can do like a voluntary repossession. That would be on my credit because I'm about $20,000 upside down.

[C]

Did you trade negative equity from the other deal into this one?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Because typically a car won't lose that much unless it's a huge expensive car. So. Okay, well, what kind of car is it?

[B]

It's a Hyundai Palisade 2024.

[D]

Oh, geez. Okay.

[B]

I know.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And what do you owe on it?

[B]

575 7. 5 7.

[C]

And you think it's worth 37?

[B]

Yes, if that. Why, like 34. 5.

[D]

Why?

[B]

Because I've had it appraised, I guess you could say it different places to see what I could get for it.

[C]

So you went to. You went to dealers and asked them what they would give you for it?

[B]

Basically, yeah. Well, I also went to, yeah, two different car lots.

[C]

That's a wholesale.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

That means they're going to buy it at a price that they can make money on it. And so that tells me that if you look this up on kelly blue book kbb.com and look at private sale, if you were to sell it to an individual, that price is between wholesale and retail. It's between what a dealer will ask for it versus what a dealer will give for it.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So my guess is it was about 42. Yeah, that's more. Yeah. And I'm thinking maybe like 43 or 45 is what I was getting ready to say. So I'm making that up. But just based on the percentages of what it usually.

[E]

Yeah, I'm seeing 41. 44 on here. Just looking them up, what they're actually selling for in the market right now.

[D]

Used.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay, so that leaves you more like. So if you got 44 or 43 for it, that leaves you more like 13,000 in the hole.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And what is your interest rate?

[B]

8%.

[C]

8%.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I know. It's so bad.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And so do you have any money?

[B]

Not really.

[C]

What's not really? Me means you have something you don't want to tell me about. What is it?

[B]

No, I mean, I have all kinds of debt. I have all kinds of debt. And I have others. I have other, you know, I have Credit card debt. I have student loan debt.

[C]

How much other debt do you have?

[B]

About 70,000. I have 10,000 in credit cards, 60,000 in student loan debt.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And another 10 and something else.

[B]

Yeah. Negative equity loans. It's more like an unsecured loan.

[D]

Okay. All right.

[C]

And what do you make a year?

[B]

60,000.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And you don't have any money, literally?

[B]

Well, I mean, I have like, $2,000.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

That's what I was asking. That's that. I was hoping you had something.

[D]

Okay, good.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And. And you're. Apparently. The language you're using, you're single.

[B]

Actually, I'm. I am married, but my husband doesn't. He has. Finances are not with mine.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And thus we have part of the problem. Yeah, the. So does he have any money?

[B]

He has lots of money. He has all kinds of money. He makes 15,000amonth.

[C]

Then we don't have a money problem. We have a marriage problem.

[B]

Correct.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

So that's how we're going to solve the car problem. We're going to solve the core problem that caused the car problem. The car problem is a symptom. It's not the problem. The credit card debts and the other loans are symptoms. You're trying to act like you have a rich roommate instead of a husband. He's trying to act like he has a poor roommate instead of a wife.

[B]

Right.

[C]

While you go out here trying to exist and run around doing things that are killing you, he makes plenty of money to have bought a car. This is ridiculous.

[E]

Is his name on any of the debts?

[B]

No, because he had. Had an affair and he left for a year. So that's why I'm in so much debt, because he left and he didn't pay for anything while he was gone. So I had to get a car, and I didn't have any credit at the time to speak of, so I just got. And that's why my interest rate was so high. So I just was. It's kind of like desperate measures. And so when he came back.

[C]

But you had another car at the time, you just upgraded during the time he was gone.

[B]

Yeah, because my other car was breaking down.

[C]

So was your heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he came back. You let him come back. Tell me about. So how's the overall relationship thing? Are y' all seeing a therapist or how you working through this?

[B]

It's very. It's a very shallow relationship. If I try to talk to him about money, he says it's my problem. And I try to ask him about the car, and he's like, you got yourself into it, you have to get yourself out of it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's really no forward progress on any of that.

[C]

You guys need to be seeing a therapist, and you guys need to be moving towards healing or towards ending this. And then you figure out what you're going to do from this point forward, because this. This is. All of this is the backdrop for some really sad, bad decisions on your part. Because you were desperate, you were scared, you were heartbroken, you weren't thinking clearly, and a car dealer ate your lunch.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And so that's the back. But the backdrop is that you're actually better than the person who went in there and let that happen. But you were at a weakest moment. So we've got to get rid of the weakest moments, and that's him. So either this marriage starts healing or he's going away.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, that's. That's where we're at.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But. Yeah. And I just don't know because my card payment is so. Is so high, and I just don't. I want so badly to get out of debt, and I just cannot.

[C]

I don't want to go out. I don't want to get out of debt bad enough to do a deal with the devil. So he's either coming to the table, we're going to combine our finances, and we're going to dream about living a life together. And that includes him cleaning up the mess that he's partly caused.

[E]

And he'll have to clean up eventually. I mean, through. Whether it's through a divorce or otherwise.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

This is going to become his problem.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

How long have you all been married?

[B]

12 years.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I think he's going to discover the Texas law is going to give you some of his. 15,000amonth. It's called alimony.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So he's getting ready to learn some things about how things work if this doesn't get fixed. So there's a lot of reason here to fix it. For some reason, he came back. So there's some part of him that wants this to go to get better. But part of it getting better is a holistic healing of your overall relationship, and then that fixes your car problem. If that doesn't happen, then, you know, then. Then you've got a car problem that we don't know what to do with. I will talk about the other parts of it, but I don't want you to. I don't want you to. 2% of this call is your car. 98% is your marriage, okay? And that makes your life good 10 years from today, not your car being fixed problem, okay? So I want you to hear me loving you that way, okay? So if you're upside down, you've got three choices. One is pay it down. Two is borrow the difference and sell it from your credit union or from a credit card. And I would rather you have $13,000 in debt than $57,000 in debt and get a hooptie to drive for. And yeah, if it breaks down, fix it. Shut up, okay? That's probably what's going to happen. The second thing that can happen is you just earn enough by working like a crazy person to pay it down and get it under control so you can get it sold. And the third thing is a voluntary repo. Don't do that. For two reasons. One is it trashes your credit. I'm not all about you building your credit, but it trashes it. And two is you lose control of what they sell it for and they're going to sue you for the difference. So they're gonna sell that car for 30 and come after you for $30,000 of a deficit with repo fees and everything on there instead. You could be 13,000 in the hole. So a voluntary repo's a really bad plan. I wouldn't voluntary repo ever. I would just make them take it if they're gonna take it.

[A]

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