"You Just Want a Roommate That You Can Sleep With"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "You Just Want a Roommate That You Can Sleep With"

Episode Overview Released on August 6, 2025, "You Just Want a Roommate That You Can Sleep With" delves into the complexities of cohabitation without marriage. Hosted by the Ramsey Network, the episode features financial guru Dave Ramsey and co-host Chris, addressing a listener's dilemma about moving in with a significant other. The discussion navigates the intersection of personal relationships and financial planning, emphasizing the importance of legal and financial safeguards in romantic partnerships.

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1. Listener's Dilemma: Balancing Love and Finances

Josh's Situation At the heart of the episode is a caller named Josh, a 25-year-old earning a $100,000 salary, seeking advice on moving in with his girlfriend of a year and a half. Josh expresses concern over financial disparities, noting his girlfriend is a teacher with a lower income. The core issue revolves around their differing views on managing finances if they cohabit.

• Quote:
  Josh (00:11): “My girlfriend and I, we've been together for a little bit under a year and a half and we're finally starting to have that talk about moving in together...”

Financial Arrangement Proposal Josh proposes a 50/50 split of expenses, ensuring that the extra money he saves remains allocated towards paying off his debt, aligning with his current financial step two.

• Quote:
  Josh (00:20): “...if I move in, we'll be splitting 50 50 everything because we aren't married or anything like that, and you'll have extra free money to spend.”

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2. Dave Ramsey's Caution Against Cohabitation Without Marriage

Legal and Financial Vulnerabilities Dave Ramsey advises Josh against moving in together without the legal bond of marriage. He highlights the risks associated with such arrangements, emphasizing that without marriage, individuals remain financially and legally exposed.

• Quote:
  Dave Ramsey (01:32): “Problem, Josh, is you are trying to do a married thing without being married.”

Statistical Insights Ramsey references data indicating that couples who marry before cohabiting tend to experience better relationship stability, financial health, and overall well-being compared to those who live together without marriage.

• Quote:
  Dave Ramsey (02:22): “The data tells us that your marriage is going to be better, your relationships are going to be better and your finances are going to be better.”

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3. Chris Highlights Relationship Stability and Long-Term Benefits

Protecting Emotional and Financial Investments Co-host Chris underscores the importance of addressing underlying relationship issues rather than circumventing them through financial arrangements. He points out that Josh's girlfriend feels uneasy about being a "commodity" in his journey towards financial goals, signaling potential trust and commitment issues.

• Quote:
  Chris (03:14): “The bigger concern is she threw a flag and you're trying to end around it instead of dealing with the real issue, which is you have a girlfriend that doesn't feel safe in this relationship or she's feeling used in this relationship.”

Encouraging Open Communication Chris advocates for a frank discussion about the relationship's foundation, emphasizing that financial decisions are intertwined with personal commitments.

• Quote:
  Chris (03:57): “Let’s have that conversation.”

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4. Advantages of Marriage: Financial and Health Perspectives

Enhanced Financial Security Dave Ramsey elaborates on the financial benefits of marriage, illustrating how combined efforts can accelerate debt repayment and wealth accumulation. He contrasts this with the financial unpredictability of cohabitation without legal ties.

• Quote:
  Dave Ramsey (05:26): “People that are married in their 20s have a substantially higher net worth than people who are shacked up in their 20s when we revisit them at age 40.”

Health and Longevity Benefits The discussion extends to health benefits, with data suggesting that married individuals, particularly men, tend to live longer than their unmarried counterparts.

• Quote:
  Chris (06:04): “Men married men eight to ten years longer. Yeah. Women live four to five, which is fair.”

• Dave Ramsey (06:48): “Women live longer too, but only about three years long.”

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5. Integrated Approach to Personal Finance and Relationships

Holistic Financial Planning Dave Ramsey emphasizes that personal finance cannot be isolated from other life aspects such as relationships, spiritual well-being, and career. Effective financial planning requires considering these interconnected elements to achieve overall life stability and success.

• Quote:
  Dave Ramsey (07:05): “Personal finance involves all the personal stuff like relationships, your spiritual walk, your how you take care of your body, your career, and how diligent and excellent you are at your work ethic. All of these things end up weaving back into your finances.”

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Key Takeaways

• Legal Protections Matter: Cohabiting without marriage can leave individuals financially and legally vulnerable. Marriage offers a structured framework to protect both parties.

• Financial Transparency and Shared Goals: Open discussions about finances and mutual goals are crucial for relationship stability and financial success.

• Data-Driven Insights: Statistical evidence supports that married couples tend to achieve better financial health and relationship longevity compared to unmarried cohabiting couples.

• Holistic Financial Planning: Personal finance is deeply intertwined with various aspects of life, necessitating a comprehensive approach that includes relationship and personal well-being.

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Conclusion The episode underscores the significance of marrying before cohabiting to ensure financial security and relationship stability. Dave Ramsey and Chris advocate for intentional and legally bound partnerships to foster trust, shared goals, and long-term prosperity. Listeners are encouraged to view financial decisions within the broader context of their personal lives and relationships to achieve holistic success.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Josh]

I have a quick question. My girlfriend and I, we've been together for a little bit under a year and a half and we're finally starting to have that talk about moving in together. Now I am 25, I make $100,000 salary. I'm doing well for myself. She's actually a teacher, so. So as you can assume, she's making less than what we would wish she was making. So when moving in together, the conversation arose of, hey, if I move in, we'll be splitting 50, 50 everything because we aren't married or anything like that, and you'll have extra free money to spend. I'm currently on step two. So she asked me what that extra money would go towards and I said debt. Her response was a little unnerving in the fact of she said, well, techn, you're saving that money because of me. So I feel like that money that you're saving should go into a savings account for us and our activities, since you wouldn't be saving that money if we weren't living together.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow.

[Josh]

I kind of understand where she's coming from because she is helping me save money and that money is paying off debt. But at the same time, I feel like that's not necessarily like a healthy mindset because. Because overall, even if I do put that money into a savings account, the.

[Dave Ramsey]

Problem, Josh, is you are trying to do a married thing without being married.

[Josh]

Fair.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so you're trying to solve a riddle that cannot be solved. So you want a roommate that you sleep with, but you don't like their answers about money.

[Chris]

And she's totally exposed if she moves in with you, pays off your debt, and then you break up with her.

[Josh]

Right. That. That's fair. Yeah, that's fair.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Chris]

She'd be crazy to me.

[Dave Ramsey]

Let me ask you something. If you're ready to move in, why don't you just get married?

[Josh]

I got a couple. I'd like to be debt free. I'd like to have a house before. Before we get married. Because why I just. Just go.

[Dave Ramsey]

Neither one of us were.

[Chris]

Yeah, I wasn't.

[Josh]

That's fair. That's fair.

[Chris]

You just said it would help you get to those things faster.

[Josh]

Agreed. Her us moving in. Yes. Would. Would allow me to marriage would.

[Dave Ramsey]

Actually moving in. Won't. Moving in actually sets you back on several fronts. The data is horrible on living together. It's the relationship data and the financial data sucks. And so, you know, it just doesn't. It sounds all cool. But I mean, I'm serious, if you were my son or she were my daughter, I would tell you, don't move in together unless you're married. And because the data tells us that your marriage is going to be better, your relationships are going to be better and your finances are going to be better. Now, that kind of was not what you called for.

[Chris]

Here's the other thing. Here's the bigger red flag for me because you're doing what everyone, you're doing what feels like culturally is the next logical step. Even though the data says don't do that.

[Josh]

Right. Fine.

[Chris]

The, the bigger issue is, is your girlfriend threw a great flag, which is I don't want to be a commodity on your journey towards your goals if we are going to do something. And she said she, she tried to get there. And I would challenge her on how she tried to get there, but she tried to say, hey, let's save up for us when I am not a cog in your system to get your finances under control, which they're our finances. That's a totally different question. And so my bigger concern is she threw a flag and you're trying to end around it instead of dealing with the real issue, which is you have a girlfriend that doesn't feel safe in this relationship or she's feeling used in this relationship.

[Dave Ramsey]

And let's, at least, at least a.

[Chris]

Little bit, let's have that conversation.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And then also so I, I really would, you know, I try. My challenge to you would be as because I love you and I want you to win would be, let's reset our thinking, our decision making framework here. And what would it look like and what would the timeline be for us to get some pre marriage counseling, get engaged and get married. And it doesn't. You don't have to do two years. I mean, you could do that in a month if you want to. You know, you got to decide what you're going to do and what you're going to the wedding and the production and all that crap. But the technicality part of it is, without the drama is that because here's the thing we do know, the data tells us that people that are married in their 20s have a substantially higher net worth than people who are shacked up in their 20s when we revisit them at age 40. We do know that. And it's because of exactly the problem you're facing is that you're Trying to pull together, but you're not really together legally, financially, because you're both exposed. If either one of you wants to walk off, let's say you bought her a car and gave it to her and she wants to walk off. Well, she's got a car. If you buy your, if you and your wife buy a car that she drives and she wants to walk off, there's a thing called divorce. And then we discuss what happens to the car.

[Josh]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so financially, legally, and then that's the overtone, then the underbelly of that is it drives your relationship much deeper because you are aiming at the future together. You have a very clear idea of the house we're going to build that's going to have the golden rocking chairs on the porch when we're 92 and the household that we're going to build.

[Chris]

Yeah. And then that's when your debt becomes yalls debt. And then she's all in. Because y' all are building this debt free future together. She's all in on all of her money and all of your money are going towards paying this thing because it's now our money. Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

But until you're married, it's not our money. So that's the problem. It's a real challenge to do shacking up well. And the data shows us that the divorce rate is higher for people that have first lived together. The wealth building is worse for people that live together than people that are married. Even health issues. We're even seeing men live, what is it, seven to ten years longer.

[Chris]

Men married men eight to ten years longer. Yeah. Women live four to five, which is fair.

[Dave Ramsey]

You have, you have a theory about that?

[Chris]

That's not a theory. I actually dug into why do men live longer? And it said the, the, the, the statistics said because men do fewer dumb things when they're married, especially as they age. So I mean there's a, there's some.

[Dave Ramsey]

Truth to that, but death defying feats of stupidity. Yeah, okay. Women live longer too, but only about three years long.

[Chris]

I know.

[Dave Ramsey]

And married women live longer.

[Chris]

Married men, every woman in the audience, we talk about that. They all be like, yeah, we can see dying earlier because we've had to deal with you. I get that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Actually 75% of the ladies outlive their husbands. Yes, that one we do know. That's another one. So there's some interesting stuff in here folks that you can think about. So there's socioeconomic. The thing is when we try to take personal finance and I love to do it in the early days when I first started on this and just do math. It doesn't work because personal finance involves all the personal stuff like relationships, your spiritual walk, your how you take care of your body, your career, and how diligent and excellent you are at your work ethic. All of these things end up weaving back into your finances. And so you can't take the finance piece and just set it over here on the table by itself and analyze it in a vacuum. Vacuum. Because that's not where it exists. The best ID theft protection is from Zander. They not only monitor, they help you get your life back. Go to Zander.com to learn more.