You're a 35-Year-Old Man, Move Out Of Your Mom's House!

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: You're a 35-Year-Old Man, Move Out Of Your Mom's House!
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Date: August 18, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode tackles the topic of adult children living at home – specifically, 35-year-old Ian seeking advice about striking out on his own financially and personally. The hosts press the importance of independence, both emotionally and financially, and the dignity attached to making these steps. Their tone is candid, supportive, and pushes for action over hesitation.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Ian’s Situation and Goals (00:11–01:18)

• Ian introduces himself:

  • Lives in a multi-generational household (himself, his sister, his parents) on five acres.
  • Just started a new job earning about $1,400 per week.
  • Currently has no debt and doesn’t use credit cards after past difficulties.
  • Wants to eventually move out, gain independence, and retire by 55.

• Host’s Initial Advice:

  • Encourages Ian to take the first step by moving out, using the “no more than 25% of take-home pay for rent/mortgage” guideline.
  • “Can you get an apartment in your area for that?” (01:14)

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When is the Right Time to Move Out? (01:18–02:32)

• Ian’s Hesitance:

  • Clarifies he doesn’t want to move out immediately; the family scenario was designed so he could stay until he’s ready to buy a home.
  • Plans to move out within 6–12 months.

• Pushback from Hosts:

  • The hosts and "Friend" urge moving out sooner rather than waiting for perfection:
    • “The conditions don’t have to be perfectly favorable for you to leave. You could leave as soon as you find an apartment which could really be in three or four weeks or three days, you know.” (02:16)
  • Stress that taking action—rather than waiting for an ideal scenario—is key to growth.

• Tough Love:

  • “...this is the truth is you should have done this a long, long time ago...We see no reason that you shouldn’t do this immediately. For you. Not for us, for you.” (02:44)

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Independence as Dignity and Personal Growth (02:55–04:12)

• It’s Not Just About Money:

  • The hosts frame moving out as a “dignity play”—it’s about self-respect and growth, not just finances.
    • “This is for you. Like this is—this is good for you to be out on your own. I mean, are you dating?” (02:55-03:09)
  • They highlight how being independent impacts Ian’s social and romantic life.
    • “Jade almost dumped Sam Warshaw. Cause his mom was paying for his cell phone, let alone living with him.” (03:15)

• Support for Taking the Leap:

  • “Let’s get out. Let’s get an apartment.” (03:19)
  • Acknowledge the move will be difficult for Ian’s parents, but stress the necessity.

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Family Dynamics and Emotional Challenges (03:27–03:54)

• Challenging Conversations:

  • Ian admits moving out would be a “definitely a difficult conversation” with his family.
  • Friend describes the situation as “a sticky web”—the longer one stays, the harder it gets to leave. (03:47)

• Possible Codependency:

  • Host gently labels the family situation as possibly “relational codependence” and calls for healthy separation. (03:54)

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Encouragement, Next Steps, and Broad Guidance (04:12–05:29)

• Practical Steps:

  • Move out, rent, build savings, and begin growing towards home ownership.
  • Emphasize the feeling of independence: “There’s just something really great about that...It’s freedom. You get to see who you are in life.” (04:40–04:44)

• Independence as Essential:

  • “There’s not a safety net there. Like, you gotta stand on your own. And there’s something about that that is so good. So good.” (04:45)
  • Distinguish between temporary family arrangements (right after college, etc.) and overstaying into adulthood.
    • Quotes Dave Ramsey: “An eagle that doesn’t leave the nest eventually becomes a turkey and we don’t want that for you.” (05:16)

• Warm, Upbeat Closer:

  • “You’re a good man and those dating apps are going to do wonders for you knowing that you’re out on your own.” (05:27)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Action Over Perfection:

  • Friend: “The conditions don’t have to be perfectly favorable for you to leave. You could leave as soon as you find an apartment which could really be in three or four weeks or three days, you know.” (02:16)

• On Honesty from Friends:

  • Friend: “We’re your buddies, like we’re your friend that you sit down and they tell you the gosh darn truth.” (02:33)

• On Dignity and Growth:

  • Financial Advisor: “This is a dignity play here. And forget the money side. Like this is for you. Like this is—this is good for you to be out on your own.” (02:55)

• On Parental Codependence:

  • Financial Advisor: “There’s probably some real...relational codependence probably going on. I mean, there’s some stuff there.” (03:54)

• On Independence:

  • Financial Advisor (quoting Dave Ramsey): “An eagle that doesn’t leave the nest eventually becomes a turkey and we don’t want that for you.” (05:16)

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:11 — Ian outlines his job, finances, and living situation
• 01:18 — Discussing readiness and barriers to moving out
• 02:07 — Hosts encourage immediate action versus waiting for “the perfect time”
• 02:55 — Focusing the conversation on dignity and growth, not just money
• 03:27 — Family dynamics and the hard conversation of leaving
• 03:54 — Naming potential codependency; encouraging Ian to break free
• 04:12 — Specific advice on next steps for independence
• 05:06 — Distinguishing temporary stays from permanent situations; Dave Ramsey “eagle” quote
• 05:27 — Light-hearted encouragement on dating and the benefits of moving out

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Tone and Speaker Style

• Hosts: Direct, caring, a little tough-love, humorous, eager to see Ian grow.
• Ian: Hesitant but honest; open to advice, seeking a path forward.

This episode is a clear guide for adults at crossroads between family comfort and personal growth, delivered with both compassion and firmness by the Ramsey team.

Transcript

[Financial Advisor]

Brought to you by chm, a biblically based alternative to health insurance. Learn [e-mail] budget I live kind of.

[Ian]

In a multi generational situation. We have five acres and it's me, my sister and parents. And I was wondering. I recently started a new job making about 1400 a week currently no debt, anything. Cards paid off. But in trying to figure out how to. I've had credit cards before, so didn't go well. So I don't use credit. Just trying to figure out where to go from here to get out on my own and start building to be able to retire by 55 if I wanted to.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, well, let's take the first step of moving out of your parents. I think that's a great first step. So we would say that your rent or mortgage should be no more than 25% of your take home pay per month. So, you know, we're looking at you for, you know, probably around what, 1500 ish. Can you get an apartment in your area for that?

[Ian]

I could. Okay. I'm not, not ready. I don't want to immediately move out because I don't need to. I'm more than welcome. It was set up this way so that I'd be able to live there until I'm ready to buy something.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, well, how old are you, Ian?

[Ian]

Currently 35 in 20 has kind of messed things up, so.

[Friend]

But you don't think it's time.

[Ian]

It's fine.

[Friend]

No, no, no. I'm safe.

[Financial Advisor]

Ian. Ian.

[Ian]

Yes.

[Financial Advisor]

You need to move out. You're a 35 year old man. I don't care if mommy says that you can stay as long as you want. You're 35.

[Ian]

No, no.

[Friend]

Okay.

[Ian]

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying my personal. I want within the next six months to a year to be out.

[Friend]

And I, we're saying why don't you go?

[Financial Advisor]

Like, why don't.

[Friend]

Yeah, why don't you go instantly.

[Financial Advisor]

Yeah, go, go.

[Friend]

Because. And I see you're wanting. It sounds like. Let me, let me try to get in here. It sounds like you're wanting the perfect scenario of I leave when I'm able to buy a house. That's what it sounds like. And we're saying the conditions don't have to be perfectly favorable for you to leave. You could leave as soon as you find an apartment which could really be in three or four weeks or three days, you know.

[Ian]

Yeah, true.

[Friend]

And you should. Because, because let's, let's. We're, we're Your buddies, like we're your friend. That you sit down and they tell you the gosh darn truth. All right, so we're going to tell you the. The truth is you should have done this a long, long time ago. That's why we're pushing you to do it now. And there's nothing stopping you. We see no reason that you shouldn't do this immediately. For you. Not for us, for you.

[Financial Advisor]

Yeah. This is a dignity play here. And forget the money side. Like this is for you. Like this is. This is good for you to be out on your own. I mean, are you dating?

[Ian]

Not currently. Because, you know.

[Friend]

Yeah. Yeah, we do know.

[Financial Advisor]

So there's another reason. We want love for Ian.

[Friend]

Yes.

[Financial Advisor]

And Jade almost dumped Sam Warshaw. Cause his mom was paying for his cell phone, let alone living with him. So. Yeah, you. Yeah, I would. Yeah. Ian, let's get out. Let's get out. Let's get an apartment.

[Friend]

The world is your oyster.

[Financial Advisor]

Your parents are gonna be heartbroken because they've set this whole scenario up. It sounds like it's gonna be a big conversation. Is it early? Are they going to be great being like. Are they going to cheer you on or are they going to cry?

[Ian]

It. It would be definitely a difficult conversation. Yes.

[Financial Advisor]

Yes. Which is another reason why we need to.

[Friend]

It's. It's like a sticky web. Like, the longer you stay in it, the harder it is to get out of it because everybody's pulling it back.

[Financial Advisor]

And there's probably some real. I'm going to just say it too, Ian. I don't know, some relational codependence probably going on. I mean, there's some stuff there. So, yes, as your two friends, if we were sitting down and talking to you in person, this is exactly what I'd say to you. I'd say, ian, come on, man. You can do this.

[Friend]

You can do this.

[Financial Advisor]

You can do this. So, yeah, I would get out 100% and start renting. Save up for a down payment on a home. And I know you said you have no debt, which is amazing. You're not using a credit card. So good. So good. Get some cash, you know, for a. To have an emergency fund. And I think kind of just. Yeah. Feel how that feels. To pull up to your own parking spot at the apartment. And I don't know, there's just something really great about that.

[Friend]

It's freedom. You get to see who you are in life.

[Financial Advisor]

Yes.

[Friend]

Right.

[Financial Advisor]

Zero dependent. There's not a safety net there. Like, you gotta stand on your own. And there's something about that that is so good. So good. And so if you wanna move home for not uen, sorry, but America, if you want to move home for a season because there's something like you graduated college and you need to move home for a few months while you find your first job, I don't know. There's time. But I'm not, I'm not a. I'm not black and white about that.

[Friend]

Yeah, sure, me neither.

[Financial Advisor]

But when we're 35, you got to walk in. You need to fly and be free. I. I don't know why I cringe to quote Dave, but I'll quote him because he said an eagle that doesn't leave the nest eventually becomes a turkey and we don't want that for you. Ian, you're a good man and those dating apps are going to do wonders for you knowing that you're out on your own.

[Friend]

Yes.

[Financial Advisor]

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