"You're In a Very Vulnerable Situation"

Summary

Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights centers on a caller, Monique, navigating the complexities of early stages of financial planning (Baby Steps 4, 5, and 6) while expecting her third child, dealing with upcoming childcare costs, and being engaged but not yet married. The hosts—primarily Dave Ramsey (A) with support from a co-host (C)—focus on Monique's financial vulnerability and emphasize the critical importance of marriage as a financial and legal safeguard for her family. The discussion is candid, passionate, and supportive, addressing both practical money management and the broader implications of relationship stability for wealth-building.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Monique’s Current Situation

• Monique’s on Baby Steps 4, 5, and 6 and is concerned about budgeting 15% for retirement due to upcoming expenses, including covering daycare for three children ([00:06]–[01:22]).
• She’s debt-free for over a year, having paid off $80,000 ([01:29]–[01:41]).
• Monique is engaged, with plans to marry next year, but her fiancé wants a proper wedding ([01:44]–[02:14]).
• Monique's income:
  • Main job: $81,000
  • Part-time military: $12,000
  • Child support: $24,000
  • Total: $117,000 per year ([03:31]–[03:58]).
• Fiancé's income: $36,000 currently; may increase significantly if he takes over a junk removal business ([04:13]–[04:51]).

2. Financial and Legal Vulnerability

• Dave underlines that Monique is in an "extremely legal and financially vulnerable situation" because she's not married yet has three children, one with her fiancé ([02:35]–[03:12]).
• The hosts stress combining incomes and legally binding the relationship to protect Monique and her children, urging immediate marriage ([03:07]–[03:55]).

3. Budgeting and Baby Step 4

• The stress about saving 15% for retirement is understandable—Monique is currently budgeting as a single parent with three kids ([04:09]–[04:13]).
• Once married and combined, their household income allows for a more feasible approach to Baby Step 4 ([05:07]–[05:54]).

4. Marriage as a Wealth and Protection Strategy

• Dave passionately argues marriage is a key factor for financial stability and wealth creation, citing data that single or cohabiting moms have only a tenth of the net worth of married women by age 35 ([06:49]–[07:27]).
• He also addresses the need for grown-up decisions, noting that big weddings can be delayed—but the legal and financial need for marriage is urgent ([05:54]–[06:49]).

5. Candid, Compassionate Coaching

• The hosts are direct yet supportive, pushing Monique toward immediate action for her financial and familial well-being ([05:54]–[07:59]).
• Broader trends in society are referenced—many engaged couples delay marriage for celebrations, missing critical legal and financial benefits ([07:19]–[08:35]).
• A recurring theme: the importance of making choices based on long-term data, not just personal desires or cultural trends ([06:49]–[08:41]).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Financial Vulnerability Warning:

  • "You are in an extremely legal and financially vulnerable situation, my good friend. I am scared for you and you're worried about putting 15% away in retirement and you're not even married and you have three kids. ... I don't want you hanging out over the edge of this cliff anymore. You're scaring me to death."
    — Dave Ramsey ([02:35]–[03:12])

• Urgency of Marriage Over Wedding:

  • "I would do a party early next year and get married the next 20 minutes.... This all is solved the day you get married and you combine your incomes, which is what should happen for this child, it's what should happen for you and it's what should happen by Saturday."
    — Dave Ramsey ([02:35]–[05:07])

• Combining Incomes for Family Security:

  • "You need to take your child support, your income and his new fabulous income, put it all together and, and make a every dollar budget because you got married Friday together. And then let's go build a life together. Because that's what all the data tells us is how you win."
    — Dave Ramsey ([06:26]–[06:49])

• Data-Driven Marriage Advocacy:

  • "The data tells us that if you persist in this methodology, you're going to have one tenth of the net worth of your married friend. It doesn't work. That's why I'm, for your sake, passionate about this. And I want you to win."
    — Dave Ramsey ([06:49]–[07:27])

• Cultural Commentary on Delayed Marriage:

  • "But I think the mindset today is it's—We can get engaged and we'll figure out the wedding later... That's the mindset, though."
    — Co-host ([07:51]–[07:59])

• Humorous Take on Officiating Weddings:

  • "[Jokingly] I need to get ordained and just start doing Ramsey weddings on the debt free stage. Every Valentine's Day should be a wedding show. And Dave just marries all the people that he—all at one time. Like some kind of cult or something."
    — Co-host and Dave Ramsey ([08:52]–[09:09])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Caller Introduction & Main Concern: [00:06]–[01:13]
• Current Family & Debt Situation: [01:13]–[01:41]
• Marriage Status and Plans: [01:44]–[02:35]
• Dave’s Financial Vulnerability Warning: [02:35]–[03:12]
• Income Breakdown & Budget Stress: [03:31]–[04:13]
• Discussion of Fiancé’s Potential Income: [04:13]–[04:51]
• Immediate Marriage as Solution: [05:07]–[06:49]
• Data on Single vs. Married Wealth Accumulation: [06:49]–[07:27]
• Societal Commentary on Marriage Delays: [07:29]–[08:41]
• Lighthearted Marriage Officiating Suggestions: [08:52]–[09:09]

---

Tone and Takeaway

The conversation is warm yet urgent, blending empathy with blunt honesty. Dave and his co-host offer direct, data-driven advice, advocating for sound financial strategy through the legal and emotional stability of marriage. The episode is especially valuable for listeners in similar life transitions—managing childcare, combining households, or debating the timing of marriage—and underscores the importance of practical, timely decision-making for long-term security.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[B]

I'm new to baby steps 4, 5 and 6. I feel like it's taken me quite some time to get here and so I'm super excited. However, I have a baby due next month and doing baby step four with the 15% of my retirement and everything, it seems really scary with upcoming expenses that I know will take effect once my maternity leave is up. So I guess I'm just looking. I don't know if I'm. My mindset is wrong or my budget is incorrect, but I just need some encouragement or someone to walk me through.

[C]

Are you going to be paid while you're on maternity leave, Monique?

[B]

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

[A]

You're just talking about like after maternity leave, the daycare kicks in and.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just affording that 15% along with, you know, the rest of my budget.

[A]

Yeah, Well, I mean, just lay your budget out. You can look at it. You know what the daycare is going to cost already, don't you?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. And you've got, you know, if you have no payments but a house payment, you should be able to do daycare in 15% in most budgets.

[B]

I have two other children as well that are in daycare, so I'll have three kids in daycare.

[A]

And while you had that, you were already reducing debt. How much debt have you paid off?

[B]

I've been debt free for a little over a year. Not well, year and a half, but I paid off like 80 grand.

[A]

Good for you. Are you single?

[B]

I'm engaged.

[A]

Okay. When are you getting married?

[B]

We plan on getting married next year.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Why? So it's, it's more so me. I'm. I was married before.

[A]

But you have a baby.

[B]

I'm sorry?

[A]

You have a baby?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I assume with him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you kind of already made these decisions.

[B]

Yes. So my fiance wants an actual wedding and. Yeah. And so we're grown ups with three kids. So the wedding is coming, but we plan for it to be early next year. That's the date.

[A]

I would do a party early next year and get married the next 20 minutes. You are in an extremely legal and financially vulnerable situation, my good friend. I am scared for you and you're worried about putting 15% away in retirement and you're not even married and you have three kids. Yeah. This is very, very important that you guys get this solidified. I would be in the pastor's or the judge's office this weekend and we'll have a party next Spring. I don't want you hanging out the over the edge of this cliff anymore. You're scaring me to death.

[B]

I understand.

[C]

Because he is the guy you want to marry, correct?

[B]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're making babies with him.

[B]

I got back from deployment and I found out I was pregnant with like two or three weeks after that. So it was a shock to me.

[C]

And I'm just curious, how much do you make a year, Monique?

[B]

So I make three streams of income, but my main job is 81,000 because I'm part time military.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I make 12,000 a year from that. And then I do receive child support as well. And that comes out to being like 24,000 a year.

[A]

Okay, let me. The 15%. That is strained in your budget. That is your money. Only you're not including him.

[B]

Correct? The 15%.

[A]

No wonder you're strained. Yeah. You're a single mom with three kids. Yeah, that would be straining.

[C]

How much does he make a year?

[B]

He makes. Well, when he did his taxes, it came out to being like 36,000.

[C]

And so what does he do?

[B]

So he works for a junk removal company. He's like the sole employee which he's about to take over.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

It's very lucrative business where we live.

[A]

Not for him.

[C]

What will it be when he takes over? What will he be making?

[B]

So it would be over? Well, they've made a little over 200,000. I'm not sure what his boss brings home. All we know is like he's gone on vacation every week.

[A]

So here's the thing, hun. Here's the thing. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You call me worried about ability to put away 15% because you're in an untenable situation and you're very vulnerable and hanging over the edge of a cliff. This all is solved the day you get married and you combine your incomes, which is what should happen for this child, it's what should happen for you and it's what should happen by Saturday. And then all of a sudden you have an income up over $100,000. The two of us are doing a budget together because we're already playing house. So the house, you know, nothing else changes. And so we're now doing a budget together like grown up married people instead of two roommates. And you've got all the responsibility of three kids, one of which is his, right?

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Okay, so he needs to marry you Friday. I'm going to come get him. I'm serious. This is not good for you. My daughter. You ever heard of a shotgun wedding? I got A shotgun. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to line this up. This is serious time. This is really, really good. It's the right thing for everyone involved. There is no excuse for. I want a big wedding. That you. That. That ship sailed when you were 19, kid. Okay? You're not playing in that world anymore. Now you're playing in the real grownup world where we have taxes and we have trying to hand over business from your boss. You got daycare coming out your ears and no wonder you can't say 15%. So no. Yeah. You need to take your child support, your income and his new fabulous income, put it all together and, and make a every dollar budget because you got married Friday together. And then let's go build a life together. Because that's what all the data tells us is how you win. The data tells us that if you persist in this methodology, you're going to have one tenth of the net worth of your married friend. 1 10. It doesn't work. That's why I'm, for your sake, passionate about this. And I want you to win. I want you to. I want you to have a good life. And the data says those that shack up. The lady has 1/10th at 35 years old of the net worth of her

[C]

married and all the risk. I mean, honestly.

[A]

And she's the one at risk that's

[C]

gonna be walking out. If that's the case, is usually he's

[A]

just running in and out making babies. This has got it. You guys gotta get this lined up, man. It's just. It's the best thing for everybody involved.

[C]

So with the assumption that he is the man you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with and all the things so you're.

[A]

Well, if you don't, he shouldn't be your fiance.

[C]

Right. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

And if you don't.

[C]

But I think the mindset today is it's. We can get engaged and we'll figure out the wedding later. It's almost like a. Do you know what I'm saying though? That's the mindset, though.

[A]

I think there's a child that needs a dad. I don't think you get to make this up. You know, you gotta get. I know this baby needs a family.

[C]

Yes, I agree. And in a perfect scenario that would be the case. That's my hope for Monica. But also I don't want her.

[A]

Any scenario that doesn't suck.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And that he's a horrible guy. Like, you know what I mean?

[A]

We shouldn't be doing any of this.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That's when we shouldn't even have been having this conversation.

[C]

Protecting. Yeah. And making sure that this is it for her. But if it is to the point that yeah, we have to start making grown up decisions.

[A]

Well, she didn't say she was delaying the marriage till the spring because he was a horrible guy and she didn't know she should marry.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

She says because he wanted to party.

[C]

I know. We're just thinking of everyone out there listening because this has been a trend that we see over and over again.

[A]

There's another trend. Half the calls on this show are me telling people get married these days. So because the data is there, it's like so simple. I'm such a boomer.

[C]

You should get. You are a boomer and you should get, you should get where you can like facilitate. What's it called when you ordain a wedding or danger.

[A]

That's right. I need to get ordained and just start doing Ramsey weddings on the debt free stage, the lobby.

[C]

Every Valentine's Day should be a wedding show. And Dave just marries all the people

[A]

that he all at one time. Like some kind of cult or something. Yeah, that would be great. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.