"My Wife Is Making Financial Decisions Without Me"

Summary

The Ramsey Show – February 10, 2026

Episode Title: "My Wife Is Making Financial Decisions Without Me"
Hosts: Jade Warshaw & Dr. John Delony
Producer: Ramsey Network

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Main Theme

This episode centers on the challenges couples and individuals face when making financial decisions, particularly around debt, honesty, relationships, and big life changes. The hosts take live calls on topics such as secretive spending, addiction and finances, boundaries with adult children, co-signing, and building trust in marriage. The recurring message: financial peace requires honesty, communication, discipline, and a willingness to make tough choices.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Addiction and Debt: Facing Financial and Personal Reality

• Caller Greg (Phoenix, AZ) discusses a recurring cycle of credit card debt fueled by his drinking, struggles with sobriety, and fearful reliance on credit cards for emergencies.
• Dr. Delony likens keeping a credit card to keeping a “backup plan” for addiction, emphasizing that real change requires eliminating safety nets that enable bad habits:
  • "As long as you keep this backup plan on you at all times... the chances of you using this backup plan are 100%." (02:48)
• Jade Warshaw guides Greg to create a practical, emergency-proof budget using tools like the EveryDollar app and leveraging his generous car allowance to cover recurring expenses (tires, repairs) instead of credit.

Takeaway: Lasting change (financial or personal) demands total commitment—partial measures keep you stuck.

Timestamp Highlights:

• 03:03 – Analogy of addiction/sobriety and financial discipline.
• 04:49 – Creating an actionable budget and cutting up credit cards.
• 05:28 – Caution against adding life complexity (moving in with fiancé) when recovering from addiction and financial chaos.

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2. Scorekeeping and Secret Financial Decisions in Marriage

• Caller Matthew (Columbia, SC) faces conflict as his wife insists on buying her parents a car “with or without his permission” after years of mutual debt repayment.
• Core issue: Resentment and past financial sacrifices are creating emotional debt (“scorekeeping”) in the marriage.
  • "Scorekeeping will destroy relationships." – Dr. Delony (13:43)
• Dr. Delony advocates for “I-statements” and vulnerability:
  • Instead of accusations, approach with the story you’re telling yourself and specific feelings:
    "The story I’ve made up is you resent having helped me... The story I’m choosing to make up is, I thought we were together, and it turns out we’re not." (15:08–16:48)
• Jade Warshaw: Grateful this comes up early. Recommends couples talk directly—resentment is corrosive and must be addressed head-on, possibly with counseling.

Takeaway: Couples must get on (and stay on) the same page financially, with open, non-defensive conversations to prevent resentment from growing.

Timestamp Highlights:

• 10:21–11:39 – Caller shares scenario; wife’s reasoning.
• 13:47–16:23 – “Scorekeeping,” need for open dialogue, not you-statements.

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3. Radical Lifestyle Changes for Debt Freedom

• Caller John (Reno, NV) is considering moving his family to a “not the best” (possibly unsafe) neighborhood to pay off $86,000 in debt.
• Dr. Delony: Differentiate between radical cuts and unsafe conditions—move is wise if it’s only a lifestyle downgrade, not a safety risk.
  • "If you say... we’re going to pay off our debts... I’d say do it today. If you say I’m going to put me and my family in harm’s way... that’s not wise." (22:44)
• Jade: Living through temporary discomfort can be transformational; just ensure the sacrifice serves the intended mission.

Takeaway: Drastic, temporary lifestyle changes are often needed for financial recovery—but never at the cost of safety or family well-being.

Timestamp Highlights:

• 21:57 – Caller’s situation described.
• 22:44–23:46 – Nuanced response to “moving to the hood.”

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4. Should My Spouse Keep Working After Kids?

• Caller Justin (Houston, TX): Wife is unsure about continuing to work after third child; finances are okay.
• Jade:
  • "There’s no wrong or right answer. This is completely values-based." (28:27)
• Dr. Delony: American moms are pressured either way; counsel is to make this a reversible, short-term choice—"try it for six months or a year; then reassess."
  • "The trap feels like either decision is a forever decision and it’s just not." (30:49)

Takeaway: Big family/life decisions can often be made on a trial basis; flexibility reduces fear and regret.

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5. Debt Settlement Pitfalls and Escaping a Financial Mess

• Caller Christine (Newark, NJ): Trapped by debt relief programs, a repo from co-signing for an ex, high rent, and paycheck advances.
• Hosts: “Debt relief” firms often delay, cost money, and don’t solve underlying issues. Big housing costs are usually the root problem.
  • "Debt relief, done. The reason they’re calling you is because the way those places work is… they haven’t been paid." (40:42)
• Advice: Drastically cut housing costs, terminate the settlement program, own mistakes, and focus on direct creditor negotiation. Get a coach and a real plan.

Takeaway: Quick-fix programs are generally costly detours; making drastic, direct changes (cutting rent, ending scams, budgeting) brings genuine progress.

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6. Facing the New Reality After a Financial Trauma

• Caller John (Philadelphia, PA): Wife’s car was stolen at gunpoint and totaled; struggling with using insurance payout or dipping into their $30K emergency fund for a replacement.
• Dr. Delony:
  • "This is one of those moments where the line ‘not by your hand but in your lap’ really rings true... You have a mathematical reality to deal with today." (68:07)
  • Cautions against “emotionally smoothing” over a trauma with a big, potentially imprudent purchase.
  • Recommends pausing major decisions when under stress (recent loss, borrowing a car, four children).
• Jade: Buy for what you have now, save more while you wait for the “dream car” later.

Takeaway: When in crisis, make as few big decisions as possible. Grieve, then carefully chart a next move based on current circumstances, not emotion.

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7. Financial Secrecy in Relationships: Red Flags and Healthy Boundaries

• Question from Elise: Finds out her partner (in a blended family, not married) has significant undisclosed wealth, spends lavishly, splits bills, does not share the load at home.
  • "Should I let my anger go or let my partner go?"
• Hosts: Non-marital cohabitation and “we’ll just split everything” arrangements create the opportunity for secrecy and manipulation.
  • "He’s deceitful. He lied to her, he rubs her nose in it, and he’s not a participant in the lifeblood of that home." (78:49)
• Jade: “Require commitment”—transparency protects BOTH partners; don’t settle for less.
• Dr. Delony: “The relationship you thought you had is over”; now it’s about rebuilding trust from scratch or walking away.

Takeaway: Financial transparency and full commitment are crucial before blending money/homes/lives. Messy arrangements sow the seeds for distrust and heartbreak.

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8. Adult Children & Boundaries: When to Charge Rent

• Caller Jennifer (Detroit, MI): Her recent college grad son owes $96,000 in student debt, bought a new truck, wants to keep living at home. Should she charge rent?
• Hosts: The son needs boundaries and consequences to grow up; mom’s home is not a no-strings safety net.
  • "One of the greatest gifts we can give our adult children... is the consequences of their own problems." – Dr. Delony (94:11)
• Jade: “He should move out. He makes $70,000. Move out, move out.” (89:44)

Takeaway: Adult children often learn best from life’s natural consequences, not continued parental rescue.

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9. Co-Signing and Family Loans: Hard Lessons

• Caller Claire (Pittsburgh, PA): Mom demands full Parent PLUS loan repayment—but spent $17,000 in refunds herself.
• Dr. Delony:
  • "Your mom is deceiving you. She’s lying to you." (55:32)
  • Suggests laying out the evidence with integrity, refraining from anger, and clarifying what will/won’t be repaid.
• Jade: Painful but instructive—never enter these “informal” deals without full documentation and awareness.

Takeaway: Family loans, co-signs, and undocumented pacts are breeding grounds for heartbreak and broken trust. Always clarify, always document.

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10. “Should I Use My Tax Refund to Pay Off Debt?”

• Caller Timothy (Albany, NY): Wonders if clearing wife’s $12,000 student loan with $11,000 tax refund and $1000 in savings is too risky.
• Jade: Debt freedom is a worthy, not scary, goal; better to be debt-free and have small savings than “safe” with debt.
  • "I would pay off the entire balance... with your refund plus $1000 from your savings." (98:17)
• Dr. Delony: Celebrate men (and women) who shoulder financial responsibility and commitment. Adjust your withholdings for the future.

Takeaway: Clearing debt brings more security long-term; adjust mindsets to see debt payments as riskier than living debt-free with less cash.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

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Addiction as a Money Metaphor:

"As long as you keep this backup plan on you at all times... the chances of you using this backup plan are 100%.”
— Dr. John Delony (02:48)

On Scorekeeping in Marriage:

"Scorekeeping will destroy relationships."
— Dr. John Delony (13:43)

Facing Radical Change:

"If you're trying to pay off $86,000 of debt, very little, if anything, of your old life should look like what you're going through." — Dr. John Delony (22:44)

On Non-Committal Relationships:

"Require commitment. You're not going to just give people access to these major meaningful parts of your life..."
— Jade Warshaw (82:39)

On Adult Children at Home:

"One of the greatest gifts we can give our adult children... is the consequences of their own problems." — Dr. John Delony (94:11)

After Trauma – Don’t Just “Smooth Over” with Stuff:

"Grieving this moment is the path forward. Going slow is the path forward." — Dr. John Delony (69:50)

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Key Timestamps by Segment

• [00:36–09:01]: Greg in Phoenix and the addiction/debt/spending cycle.
• [10:21–19:38]: Matthew in Columbia, secret financial decisions & marriage scorekeeping.
• [21:50–27:16]: John in Reno, radical lifestyle downgrades for debt payoff.
• [27:24–31:29]: Justin in Houston, spouse working vs. staying at home.
• [34:06–42:46]: Christine in Newark, debt relief pitfalls and escaping.
• [44:19–52:07]: Ethan in Miami, Miami cost of living, bad car debt, military BAH.
• [54:25–59:46]: Claire in Pittsburgh, Parent PLUS loan and family betrayal.
• [66:03–75:15]: John in Philadelphia, car theft trauma and next steps.
• [87:02–95:27]: Jennifer in Detroit, grown son with student loans and living at home.
• [97:08–103:45]: Timothy in Albany, using tax refund to pay off debt.

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Summary Tone & Style

The hosts employ empathy, tough love, and straight talk, shifting fluidly between financial advice, relationship insights, and real-world examples. They often use personal stories, invitations to vulnerability (“I-statements”), and strong analogies (addiction, scorekeeping, “slavery” to debt, etc.)—peppered with humor and candor.

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Final Takeaway

The episode underscores that gaining control of your finances is inseparable from honesty, clear boundaries, and healthy vulnerability in relationships. Whether escaping debt, confronting addiction, setting family rules, or navigating a partner’s secrets—freedom and peace come only through truth, discipline, and sometimes, radical change.

If you haven’t listened yet, this summary gives you the heart of each caller's dilemma and the Ramsey team’s signature, actionable wisdom.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Jade Warshaw]

Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the Fair Ones Credit Union Studio, this is the Ramsey Show. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me, Dr. John Deloney in the house, taking calls about your life and your money. We're going straight to the phone lines. You know the deal. We have Greg in Phoenix, Arizona. What's going on, Greg?

[Caller]

Hi. Yes, this is Greg. And I have about $10,000 in credit card debt. I keep making payments on it, and it ends up going right back up to 10,000 due to my drinking.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, no.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yikes, man. What are you doing to get a handle on your drinking, brother?

[Caller]

Getting back into the AA programs and church programs, but, yeah, getting back into it, huh?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Are you ready to commit all in?

[Caller]

Yes, I am.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah. So how can we help you today, man?

[Caller]

Well, I originally reached out to see if there was any other advice besides cutting up my credit card, so anything besides that would be appreciative.

[Jade Warshaw]

Is it? Is it?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Do you not want to do that?

[Caller]

No, I do. I just. I. I have a little bit of nerves about it when it comes to emergencies and things like that. I got it. I have to use my truck a lot for work, so. I mean, I'm gonna have to change the tires on it pretty soon. I know I'm gonna need a credit card for that.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Have you. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Jason.

[Jade Warshaw]

No, go ahead. I was gonna say, if we give solution for that, for. For the things that you're concerned about, is that all that's keeping you?

[Caller]

What do you mean all that's keeping me?

[Jade Warshaw]

If I. If you leave this call today and I give you a plan for why you don't have to fear tires on the truck or all of those things that you're kind of feeling like, hey, I need the credit card to fall back on, would that be enough for you then to. To cut it up?

[Caller]

Yes, for sure.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right. So you've been to AA before?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. John Deloney]

What would they tell you if you went into AA and they said, are you ready? And you said, yes, except I still need to hang out with these guys. I still need to go to this bar once a week, and I still need to do something else. Would they have any confidence that you were going to be able to change with what. What. What alcohol is serving to cover up for you?

[Caller]

No, they wouldn't.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay, so the long. As long as you keep this backup plan on you at all times. 24, 7, 365. The chances of you using this backup plan are 100%.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

The path forward is really say never again. And when you walk into your first AA meeting, it has to be never again. And when it comes to, I'm tired of making as much money as I do, and every month, I don't even know where it goes. I just look up and I'm back in. The whole ten grand. Until you decide, I'm done with this and follow the plan Jade's going to lay out for you. And by the way, getting sober, it's not easy. It's hard. Cost you a lot, and it's worth it. And getting out of debt is hard. It costs you a lot. And, dude, the path is freedom and peace, man. It's worth everything. You just got to say, I'm either in or I'm out.

[Caller]

I'm in. So I'm ready to hear it.

[Dr. John Deloney]

It's awesome.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's really good. Yeah, we're proud of you. So let's talk about the money side of this. So you've got tires on the truck coming up. It sounds like basically what's happened is you've kind of got in a paycheck to. Paycheck cycle. Yeah.

[Caller]

Yeah. Yes.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so what are you bringing in every month? What. What comes. What comes into your hands every single month?

[Caller]

I just started a job three months ago. I'm making 75k plus commission. I do have a 1500amonth car allowance, so it's kind of more like 90k.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, good.

[Caller]

Commission.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so you've got a car allowance of, like, a high amount. That's crazy. So how much are you actually bringing home in your check? Like, what's. What are you writing on your budget?

[Caller]

What I'm bringing home is approximately, after taxes and everything, about five grand a month right now.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, and is it just you or do you have family?

[Caller]

Well, I'm engaged, and I'm about to move in with my fiance within a couple of months in May also. So that's another reason why I'm kind of holding on to the credit card a little bit.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. So I want to challenge that. I don't want to bite off too much to chew in this little bit of time. But first things first is you getting yourself together.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Amen.

[Jade Warshaw]

And that is on the addiction side and on the financial side, adding a whole other person to this right now and moving in together. I'm sorry, John, I'm getting into your territory, but that feels. That feels like not the right move at this point in time. Right. You got a lot on your plate.

[Dr. John Deloney]

It's like holding matches over an open flame and deciding, you know what, I'm gonna pick up a gas can too while I'm standing here. You're just gonna make everything way more complex.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

And it's not to say you can't keep dating this lady or whatever, but go accelerating to that point just feels like, it doesn't feel like the right move. So you've got good money coming in, you've got a great allowance here. Now the only thing is we got to get this into a budget because there's something. Obviously before it was the addiction that was spending all your money, but right now something else is eating your lunch on a month to month basis. How much are you paying every, every month for month, for rent?

[Caller]

1300.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so that's not the problem. What is your car payment?

[Caller]

I'm $750 away from having it completely paid off.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Atta boy.

[Jade Warshaw]

Way to go. Amazing. Okay, so. And once it's paid off, do you still get the fifteen hundred dollar allowance for your car?

[Caller]

Yes, I do.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so why can't we use that for tires? Can you get tires for 1500 bucks?

[Caller]

Yes. Ding, ding, ding.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. This is awesome. So is that, I mean, is that it? Is that just the solution? Do we need to talk about anything else?

[Caller]

I mean, I just, I know that y' all say it's a bad idea with the moving in and whatnot, but I mean, this has been the plan for a few months now, so it's going to be hard to reverse that.

[Jade Warshaw]

Not really. It's going to require some tough conversations and, and I have a sense, I mean, I don't know the lady, but you just called here and you laid some pretty heavy things on the table and it made perfect sense to me. It was like, oh, logical. Makes sense. So I gotta believe that if you talk to her and you say, hey, here's what I'm going through today, it doesn't make sense for me to what John's point says, I'm standing in front of a fire. I don't want to add you and make this complex for both you and.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I, or let me flip it around. If your fiance was a friend of mine, she was my sister, my daughter, I would tell her, hey, continue to love this guy, you've decided you want to spend the rest of your life with him, but he's got to go get well before you fully anchor in. And he's got to Commit to looking himself in the mirror and saying, I'm worth sobriety. I'm worth this amazing job opportunity I've got. I'm worth cleaning up and being disciplined with my finances, committing to something and, And. And. And not wavering. And then you can feel free to anchor into that concrete. That's what. That's what I would tell her. And my guess is you would tell. If that was your sister or, like, you know, your friend, you'd tell them the same thing. And so it's just. It's just a matter of man. What you need right now is. Is a simple plan, a simple path. And the more complexity you add to this thing, the more variables you throw in there, like, I'm just going to keep the card just in case, the more opportunities you have to.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. Nobody's telling you not to stay engaged, not to potentially marry this woman, but just do it the right way. And before you go, we're going to make sure Christian picks up and gets you every dollar because you need it. So you can see where all of your money, all that $5,000 plus that car allowance, see where it's going every month, and promise me today you'll cut up the credit cards and buy the tires in.

[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Caller]

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[Jade Warshaw]

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[Caller]

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[Jade Warshaw]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Jade Warshaw]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Jade Warshaw]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Caller]

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[Dr. John Deloney]

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[Caller]

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[Jade Warshaw]

All right, back to the phone lines, where we have Matthew in Columbia, South Carolina. Hi, Matthew.

[Caller]

Hey. How's it going?

[Jade Warshaw]

Doing good. How can we help today.

[Caller]

Hey, I'm calling in because I'm in a unique situation here where my wife and I, praise God, just paid off, you know, all of our debt. Over $150,000 worth of debt.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller]

And, yeah, it feels really good. We did it in a couple years time. That feels good. We're freshly married. You know, we got on board paying off debt even before the wedding. And, you know, just so we were on the same page, you know, even during dating. So we've been doing everything right. Trying to follow the baby'. Now we're ready to replenish our emergency fund and baby step number two. The problem is, is my wife kind of just dropped this bomb on me today that she is with, with or without my permission, going to get her parents a used car and.

[Jade Warshaw]

With or without your permission. Please tell me how the. Tell me how that was said.

[Caller]

Well, so here's the thing. It's with or without my permission because she. She upfront paid a lot of, you know, my student loans off, and we ended up paying a bulk of it off together.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay.

[Caller]

And, and so, but, you know, you owe. You already.

[Jade Warshaw]

You owe her what she's saying, oh.

[Dr. John Deloney]

As the great Warren G once said, hold up, like, y' all paid off y' all student loan debt.

[Caller]

That's how I see it. I see it as like, you know, we already have a combined, you know, checking, combined savings, combined high yield income, high yield savings account. We have combined everything, finances. And so I don't have a problem with her wanting to do something nice for her parents. I love them and I want to do that for them, too. But the thing I have hold up on is the precedent that's set of, hey, whether you are on board for this or not, this is on my heart, and I'm going to do it, you know, no matter what.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right, so let me flip this around real quick. Are you a person who can hear that conversation from her and honor it and figure out ways to connect with her on it?

[Caller]

What do you mean by that?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Meaning sometimes we make bold statements like that, like, I'm going with or without you, because the person we've been trying to communicate with is. Is stuck in concrete. And so anytime somebody says something that just sounds out of character or just sounds wild, like you don't have permission, like you're all our mom and dad and some sort of weird marriage. Like, anytime somebody says that, I always, this is just a personal thing. I go to the mirror and, and see, have I made it hard for that person to connect with me.

[Caller]

Yeah, I. I hear your question. I don't think so. And I'm only just. I'm only saying that because the way I responded to that was, hey, I would love to do that for them, and I support you. Let's get it on our financial timeline so we can figure out where we can do that for them.

[Jade Warshaw]

Understand?

[Caller]

She decided to hone in on this, and she decided to hone in on the fact of, you know, she needs my approval or something. And she's saying that she doesn't need it because she paid off all this debt.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay.

[Caller]

I just don't feel like that's us on the same page.

[Jade Warshaw]

So that tells me and John, strike me. Strike me out of the conversation at any point. But what this is telling me is there was some part of her while that process was happening that she was doing it, but she didn't really want to do it, or she was feeling a type of way and never voiced it. And now it's kind of like resentment is there, which. You gotta nip that in the bud with the quickness.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yes. Scorekeeping will destroy relationships.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, man. Now. Now can I add something else to the conversation that it could be, but I don't think it is. And again, John, get me if I'm. If I'm out here. I do think in marriage there's times where we're trying to accomplish a greater good or we're trying to go in the direction that we say we wanna go and that we value. And we. One spouse will make a concession. Right. In order to do so. And then there are seasons where another spouse makes more of a concession to do so. And. And there can be times where you're like, I feel like I'm making a lot of concessions, and I want to feel like I'm being met also in the way of we're both sacrificing. Right. There's a part of that, and I. I don't think that this is that, but I also just wanted to put space for that to be there. And if it is that, she has communicated it in a way that makes it seem like it's not that in a bad way.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here. Here's your path forward, brother. It's to back completely out of the money conversation for a minute. Okay, so. So money fights are almost always. We've been saying this for years. Money fights are almost always simply lights on the dashboard for a. A, A bigger issue under the hood. And so here's the framework I want you to use. Walking into this. Are you ready? I want you to say, hey, I want to have a pretty heavy conversation with you. Is now a good time, or is this evening a good time? If she says yes, great. The next question is, the story I've made up is okay. That's how I want you to approach her. The story I've made up is you resent having helped me pay off these student loans. The story I'm choosing to make up is, I thought we were together, and it turns out we're not. The story I'm choosing to make up is you now feel like I owe you that somehow I'm less than somehow. You're just gonna make these decisions like a. Like a cowboy or a cowgirl. And then the next one is, here's how I feel about that. That makes me feel small, makes me feel like we're not on the same team. And give her a chance to respond to that, because what you're talking about there is a. You're being humble and saying, I'm making up a story here because you. You. You. You don't know what is going on in her heart and mind. But. And you're telling her exactly how you feel about it, and you're giving her space to say, actually, that's not happening at all. Or giving her space to say, you know what, I said that wrong. Or giving her space to say, yeah, I've been harboring a lot of resentment, and if that's the case, y' all got to deal with that now because it will burn your marriage to the ground.

[Caller]

Yeah, Gotcha.

[Dr. John Deloney]

If you come at her using you statements, you said this, you did this. She's going to wall up and fight you back. Because that's the word. You is often a declaration of war when you're mad, when you're frustrated.

[Caller]

And I always try and frame things when I have a. You know, whenever we have, like, a disagreement or discussion, I always try and isolate the behavior and not the person that way. I'm not saying you are this thing. I'm saying this behavior made me feel a certain way.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay, I want you to go one step further. Just start the whole conversation with. With the letter I. I made this story up about what just happened, and I feel this kind of way about it. Okay. And you. Because even isolating the behavior. But he. It's kind of a workaround to an accusation, right? Yeah, but you saying the word I, you taking ownership? This is. This is. This is what I'm making up. And this is how I feel about this saying Gives her an opportunity. It's an invitation to respond. And if she says, screw you, if she says, I don't care, she says, I'm. I've been doing all this for you, and now I'm going to finally do something for myself. Y' all gotta. Y' all gotta get on same page with that deal.

[Jade Warshaw]

And can I just add a piece to that? If. If it is, I will. Almost. Cuz I'm listening to this and there's part of me that's going, you guys are newlyweds. I'm actually really glad this is coming up now instead of later. And I might add that in and say if I. If I'm right, if I'm feeling this and it's accurate, just hear me say I'm. I'm glad that this is happening now, then later, because this is something I want to work out.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Because if this is how she rolls is going to show up in the home you buy. It's going to show up the kids you have. It's going to show up in the jobs you do or don't take. It's going to show up the rest of your life. And so getting back on the same page now, giving her an opportunity to explain, here's what I meant. Here's what I was feeling. Here's what's going on inside her spirit, man, that's a. That's a blessing and a gift. And like Jade said, every couple I've ever met goes through things like this. And the fact that you are. You're having this happen early on and you have the courage to face it head on. Man, that's awesome.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's really good. So you're gonna do it? You'll have the conversation?

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm gonna have the conversation. I think it's also not even just about the car thing. I think it's more about what you said earlier about scorekeeping. Because my student. My student loan debt that was paid off gets brought up in a myriad of conversations, not just this one.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Caller]

It's always like my behavior or her behavior is justified or mine's just, you know, disregarded because, you know, the student loan debt once existed. How much was that? Keeps being brought up. It was a hundred and twenty thousand dollars of student loan debt.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. It's definitely something to work out. And you might need. You might need some mediation. Like you might need a counselor to help you be able to speak about it in a way that's, like, not harmful, but you're making progress and not just circling around it. It sounds like maybe she is.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And both things can be true here. Right? She signed up for to marry a guy. It's tough with 120 grand. And that's super frustrating.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's tough.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Both are true.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes.

[Dr. John Deloney]

She's allowed to have her feelings hurt and she's allowed to be annoyed and allowed to be frustrated. And also, she made a commitment. You and I ride or die. Till death do us part. And so both things can be true. You can feel all kind of ways, but you got to be emotionally immature and go do the next right thing.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's right. That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

Statistics show that half of Americans don't have American enough life insurance or they don't have any at all. I don't understand this, John. Why don't people want to take care of their family? They think they're going to die or something.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Well, I used to be one of those guys. I didn't even think about it. And one of my buddies said, hey, the only reason to not have life insurance is if you hate your wife and kids. And I immediately went and got term life insurance.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's a gut punch.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And. Oh, you're telling me. And for decades, Dave, I've sat across people who've lost a spouse, they've lost somebody important to them.

[Dave Ramsey]

Me, too.

[Dr. John Deloney]

They don't know what to do next.

[Dave Ramsey]

Me, too. I mean, you're going to have a crisis and, you know, you got two options. While you're sitting and talking to a young widow, she's concerned about how she's going to invest all this money properly and not mess this up. Or she's concerned how she's going to eat tomorrow.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's exactly.

[Dave Ramsey]

These are the two options. And take care of your dadgum family, man.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Term life insurance can replace income, pay off debts, cover funeral expenses. So your family can actually have the opportunity to just be sad. Yeah, to just miss you.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's exactly what it's supposed to be. It's saying I love you to your family. Term life insurance, Jeff Zander and the team at Zander Insurance makes it easy and affordable. I've used them personally for 25 years. They're the only people I trust. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282.

[Jade Warshaw]

All right, let's get back to the phone lines where we have John, who's in Reno, Nevada, which, by the way, whenever I think of Reno, Nevada, I think of the movie Sister Act. It will always be that way. I'm Sorry, John, how can we help today?

[Caller]

Hey, guys, it's a pleasure to be on the phone with you. How you doing today?

[Jade Warshaw]

Doing good. How can we help?

[Caller]

Good. So my wife and I are in around $86,000 in debt and I'm considering moving us to the hood.

[Dr. John Deloney]

What does that mean?

[Caller]

Tell me more.

[Jade Warshaw]

Not to the hood.

[Dr. John Deloney]

What does that mean?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Caller]

It'S not. The area I'm considering. We're considering is. It's not the best, it's not the worst. It's certainly. It's certainly not what we're used to, though.

[Jade Warshaw]

Sorry, I'm still. I'm still processing.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Well, I mean, if you're trying to pay off $86,000 of debt, very little, if anything, of your old life should look like what you're going through.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's true.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So if you say, I don't know where I come from, that can be kind of a derogatory term. Like, if you're telling me, hey, we're going to move to a way cheaper place to live, maybe bikes in a car or two in the yard, whatever. But it's a safe place to live. We're going to do our life and we're going to pay off our debts, I would say do it today.

[Caller]

Oh, okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

If you say I'm gonna put me and my family in harm's way, we're gonna be unsafe, then I would say that's not wise.

[Caller]

Okay, that's fair. That's fair.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. I'm with John. Going to a lower, lower cost apartment. Great. Trading in your car for a beater. Great. If the hood is a place where there's certain people, then we might have issue. But if you're just like, hey, I'm just really trying to cut down my lifestyle, then by all means, get on it, dude. Get on it. Jump on it. All right.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And by the way, if you say the words or think the words, this isn't how it used to be. You're probably on the right track. We used to be able to go out to eat. Now we're not anymore. Good. We used to drive really fancy cars with insane payments every month, and we're not anymore. Good. We used to have a house that we couldn't afford or live in a super fancy apartment and we could barely make rent. And now we're living at a way smaller place in kind of a dive apartment for a season. Good, Good, and good. Okay. You got to make radical changes, man. But also you got to keep yourself safe.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Tell Us?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

Tell us more.

[Caller]

Okay, well, right now our rent is about 2500. I also have two. We also have two kids.

[Jade Warshaw]

I was gonna say, I hear him back there.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, we got two kids. I work nights overnight as a truck driver. I go to Sacramento and back, which is about 130 miles away. So from about. I don't know if I should put my hours. I'm gone, but I'm gone for about. I'm gone for about 12 to 14 hours.

[Jade Warshaw]

What do you bring in every month doing that?

[Caller]

I bring in 60, 900.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, and does your wife bring in any. I know she's taking care of the kids, but does she bring any income in?

[Caller]

Yeah, she brings in about a thousand dollars a month.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so on that income, I mean, you're almost at 8,000 bucks a month. You should be able to float. I mean, it's. It's a little over, but the $2,500 rent, it's not the thing that's 100% breaking you. But, I mean, how much cheaper do you think you could go and still be in an environment that's, you know, good for you guys and safe for you and whatever?

[Caller]

Oh, I'm gonna be honest. I think that the 900 is.

Is safe. I mean, there's.

There's things that are like 1300.

And.

They'Re, like, in areas that are similar. And I kind of figure, like, hey, if I'm gonna go 1300 and be in a similar area, might as well just go down to the cheapest I can find.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, why not?

[Caller]

It's one bedroom.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah. And. And dude, just know. Make a deal with you and your wife.

[Caller]

This is.

[Dr. John Deloney]

For a short season. My wife and I sold our house and moved into a residence hall, into a college dorm with a. With a toddler. For what? We did it for one year, and it. It completely transformed our life.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Yeah. If your wife is on board and it's. It's accomplishing. It's ticking all the boxes. Yeah, why not? You guys are young. Now's the time to do it again. It's not. It's not the be all, end all. It's not forever, but. Yeah, why not?

[Dr. John Deloney]

But here's a way to burn a hole through your marriage, brother. If you're paying 2500 bucks now and you find a place for a thousand and that fifteen hundred dollars is not piling on whatever else y' all can come up with to pay off this debt, and it just slowly goes away and, you know, doordash orders, and you come Home with some cool, I don't know, speakers or, I don't know, whatever. You come home with something that's going to end up being a big problem. So if y' all make this commitment, make it for a season and be really diligent about getting this debt knocked out.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, that's. That's all you can do. Thank you for the call. That's a good one. All right, let's go to Justin, who's in Houston, Texas. Hey, what's up, Justin?

[Caller]

Not too much. How are y' all doing today?

[Jade Warshaw]

We're doing good. How can we help?

[Caller]

I just really have a question about. My wife and I both work. We just had our third child, so three girls for us and was just really looking for some advice or how to, how to decide if my wife should continue to work or if she should be a stay at home mom. She recently got a new job where she's making pretty good money, working fully remote, but she's struggling with the, you know, should we, should she stay at home or should she keep working?

[Dr. John Deloney]

What does she want to do?

[Caller]

She doesn't know. She's torn. I think part of the challenge is experience wise. She was a schoolteacher for a long time. She's gotten into some good work and this job is really through a couple of connections and I think she recognizes that. And it's going to be hard to replicate if she were to take a break and be a mom for a couple years, but I think her heart's telling her that might be the direction she wants to go.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Is there any financial weight of this that we should consider?

[Caller]

The struggle we have right now? I mean, she makes, like I said, good money. It's comparing the daycare cost to that. And really, money wise, it's not really an issue.

[Jade Warshaw]

You don't need the money.

[Caller]

We don't need the money.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. You know, there's no wrong or right answer on this. Right. This is completely a values based question. I would be looking at a way to do this. I have found that when I'm making really major decisions like this, what really helps me is to figure out all the variables that are actually weighing in on my decision that I'm not even aware of. So that's why I asked, is there a financial thing that could be somewhere in the back of her mind? Is there some expectation she might be feeling from you? That's somewhere in the back of her mind. Is there any other variables to this other than what a great opportunity? Right, sure.

[Caller]

That makes a lot of sense. And I think, you know, again my view is I think she's always worked her whole life so I think part of her is feeling like she'd be giving up some independence perhaps. There you go, being fully retilant, fully reliant on me to take care of the family. But I think we also recognize that salary wise I'm 3 to 4x her. So it's not really an issue at this point. Right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah. I've watched my wife, I call it the. And Jade, tell me if you resonate with this. I call it the American mother guilt factory. There's not really a way to win. Right. And I've watched my wife who is a gangster, research professor, a small business owner and then a full time mom and then a teacher navigate these identities. And that's the part as her husband I way underestimated is the, the weight of I am a professional versus I am a stay at home and I should always feel like I should be doing something else. The way we've navigated this in our house, Jade, is, is we always make short term decisions, meaning let's try this for a season. You can always, you can always, you can always change. And if this job doesn't work out, she's proven to herself there are people who will hire me and I do bring value. And so I'm going to go all in. I'm going to go full commit to staying at home for six months or a year and then we're going to, we're going to circle back up and see if this is still the right path or I'm going to quit this job, go. I mean, I'm going to stay in this job full time and I'm going to do that for six months or a year and see how we are all, how our house is operating, how I feel, how you feel, how we're working together. But I think the, the trap feels like either decision is a forever decision and it's just not.

[Caller]

Yeah, I think that's exactly how she feels is whatever is any of the either decision is going to be a permanent and I work on that one.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So do the next right decision for this, for this season.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, you've got time. I love that idea. And there's also maybe there's a world where she works part time and she's a little bit doing, you know, we're in the boss hat and a little bit wearing the mom hat.

[Dave Ramsey]

Finally mortgage rates have dropped and you know what that means. People who've been sitting on the sidelines are about to jump back in to the housing market. So if you've been waiting to buy, this could be your window. But you gotta be prepared and do it the Ramsey way. You need to contact Churchill Mortgage. Their homebuyer edge program gives you peace of mind. In a wild market, you can cap your rate for 90 days. So if rates go up, you're protected. If rates go down, Churchill will drop yours automatically. And get this, Churchill will even back your offer with a $10,000 seller guarantee. So if your loan falls through due to financing, the seller still gets paid. That's how confident Churchill is. Plus, when you shop as a Churchill certified home buyer, it's stronger than pre approval. It makes you look like a cash buyer, which makes your offer rise to the top. So don't let this moment pass you by. Get ready now. Go to Churchill Mortgage.com to get started today. That's ChurchillMortgage.com this is a paid advertisement.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Homebuyer edge and seller guarantee are available for qualifying borrowers and select loan types only. And not available in all states or locations in MLSS ID 1591 in mlsconsumerexess.org/al housing lender. Jade. I want to rally America together to wish you a happy birthday. Happy birthday.

[Jade Warshaw]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Dr. John Deloney]

21 is a big one. You can drink now. It's the whole thing.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's John, I mean, come on, just tell them the truth. I'm 35.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I've been 26.

[Jade Warshaw]

I've been 35 for about seven years now. And it's a great age.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's awesome. I would not. I would have put money on 28 or younger.

[Jade Warshaw]

So well done.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Jade Warshaw]

Thank you. Thank you. Well, after having talked about that, let's talk about something even more troubling, which is tax season. Okay. It doesn't have to be troubling though, if you have a simple tax situation. Like if you haven't had any major life changes or big investments, you could really just use Ramsey Smart Tax. Ramsey Smart tax is affordable and it keeps filing simple. Plus it has built in support in case you need a little help. Filing early means getting the best deals and you get the tax stress off your shoulders. So as soon as you get all your tax documents, go on and go to ramseysolutions.com smart tax and start filing immediately. Okay, let's go to the phone lines. We've got Christine in Newark, New Jersey. Hi, Christine.

[Caller]

Hi. Thank you for taking my call.

[Jade Warshaw]

You're welcome. How can we help today?

[Caller]

One of those figure out. Yeah. Yes, it is definitely one of those.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Hey, do me a favor. Talk directly into your phone for me, Christine.

[Caller]

Oh, okay. Sorry.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Perfect. Thank you.

[Caller]

Is it a little bit better?

Okay, go for it.

So I winded up, I put myself into a lot of debt and I was trying to be proactive in the situation and I joined one of these like debt relief programs where, you know, you pay monthly and then there's a settlement fee or whatever. And being in that process, I actually helped my ex boyfriend get a car. He got that car repoed. So now I'm accumulating more debt outside of what I already have in my creditors debt relief program. My question is, is it best for me to maybe just file for bankruptcy? Because I'm still getting calls from the other creditors who are in my debt relief program just, you know, trying to negotiate or sending me notifications about whatever, you know, the balances that are owed. And I now I'm accumulating even more debt outside with the repo and it's uncontrollable for me Right now I'm paying like toward maybe some like $366 towards the debt rel to three creditors. And I'm only paying one of the creditors at this point. And I'm just thinking like, it's going to take me years to try to get all of them settled and I don't want to keep on investing in something that's just going to like, I don't know, that's not helpful at the end. So I wasn't sure what to do.

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, yeah, that's very stressful. If you're, if you're making many deep breaths right now. I understand that and you should keep doing that. So let me just make sure I understand. The repo car. Your name was on the repoed car.

[Caller]

Yes, it is.

[Jade Warshaw]

Was it rolled into the debt relief or it's just separate and they're just coming after you for the difference?

[Caller]

Exactly. Yeah. It was. It was not part of the debt relief. It's separate and they're coming after me too.

[Jade Warshaw]

Understood. What is. Let me talk about the repo car first. What is the deficit that they're coming at after E4?

[Caller]

14,000.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, girlfriend. Okay. They've already auctioned the car off. Or is it.

[Caller]

Yeah, it's already taken. Yeah, I can't get it. Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. And there. You don't know where your ex boyfriend is?

[Caller]

I. I do and I don't. I try to. No contact type of situation. So no contact.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. Okay. So I'm just gonna hit you with something. That just really, really, really sucks. And I think, you know, this. That is. It's on you, girl. Unfortunately, when you sign. When you co. Sign with somebody, you're. You're just as liable for the debt. And you could say if you said, I'm not going to pay it, you're just gonna feel the. The dings and the dings and the dings and the dings on your credit. And I feel like it's more so about it dinging up your piece because they're calling you. Right. So you're gonna have to add this to your snowball. And I hate to tell you that it is a lesson learned the hard way. Sorry.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So what's your total debt load that you're trying to get relief from?

[Caller]

So there's three creditors. One is 11,000, another is, like, seven, 8,000, and then another is 6,000.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay.

[Caller]

So in that. In that ex relationship, like, I pretty much. One was a loan, and then two are credit cards that I kind of maxed out just so I can leave the situation and get an apartment on my own.

[Jade Warshaw]

Understood.

[Caller]

I maxed out.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So what do you make a year?

[Caller]

A year? Well, I know I bring home maybe, like, 38, 39amonth.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay.

[Caller]

Like, and then there's overtime and things like that.

[Jade Warshaw]

So with overtime, what does it look like on a. On a month where you do some good overtime?

[Caller]

You know what? That's.

You know what?

To be honest, that's actually, I want to say that's including the overtime.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. And then just. I always like to know where people's housing fits in that equation, because if you're paying too much for your housing, it throws this whole thing off kilter. So what are you paying? What are you paying for housing?

[Caller]

So right now, I'm in an apartment complex, and it's like, 1892.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. That's what's eating your lunch, Christine.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's. That's half your income.

[Caller]

So I'm paying. I'm literally like. Like, I'm. I'm so, like, I'm living, like, paycheck to paycheck, but on top of that, I'm in one of those, like, stupid app situations where, like, you can borrow from your next paycheck.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, my next.

[Caller]

Yeah, I know. I'm telling you, this is like myself.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I know. I know.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Caller]

That's why. Sorry.

[Dr. John Deloney]

We're both on your side.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, we're on your side, but you got to stop.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Are you with us?

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Jade Warshaw]

All right, so here's what. When's your lease up?

[Caller]

It would be next June.

[Jade Warshaw]

Is it a one bedroom or two?

[Caller]

It's actually a three bedroom. I have three, three kids with me, so.

[Jade Warshaw]

You have three kids. Okay. So what I try to do is I'd go to the leasing office and I'd say, hey, because I'm pretty sure you can do this if you just say, hey, I just want to switch apartments in, in the complex. This one, I'm having a hard. This one's just too much for me. I want to go down to a two bedroom or I want to go down to a, you know, a one bedroom and maybe I put. Whatever you have to do. I put myself on the, on the fold out couch and I put two bedrooms and one, two kids in one room. And if there's a baby, I put the baby in the crib next to me. Right. That's what you need to do asap. Because with three kids, I will hate myself saying, you need to work more. Right. That feels very impossible. I'm sure there's something you can do, but I feel like the bigger way that you can make an impact is on that line item on your budget and, and basically to cut it down to, I don't know, a thousand, eleven hundred somewhere in that range. Do you see what I'm saying?

[Caller]

No. Yeah, I understand. Yes.

[Jade Warshaw]

Right. And it's going to feel terrible. You're gonna feel like, I can't. Oh, I. I have three kids. I'm making them share a room. I'm uprooting their life. I'm making them. I'm making them. I'm making them. You're going to make them understand what it looks like to right wrongs and make things right. And that's the lesson that you're going to be teaching them, doing this. So tell yourself that when you start beating yourself up.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Jay, would you recommend she quit paying on this. On this debt relief nonsense?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, let's go to that. That's super. Yeah. Debt relief, done.

[Dr. John Deloney]

We're done. It's a scam.

[Jade Warshaw]

The reason that they're calling you, the reason they're calling you is because the way those places work is they say, pay us the money, we're gonna hold it in a pool, basically, and we're gonna wait until these creditors get desperate and they're ready to make a deal. That's why they're calling you, because they haven't been paid. And so you've probably paid a bunch into a pool. How much have you paid in?

[Caller]

So I've been in this debt Relief for maybe like two years now.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh my gosh. And nothing's been paid off.

[Caller]

And nothing's been paid off because obviously. Well, the worst of it was like the, the larger amount creditor is the one that offered first and I accepted it because I didn't know at the.

Time, you know, what to do.

[Jade Warshaw]

So.

[Caller]

Yeah. So that's the 11,000 dollar one and it's like I haven't made a dent in it.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. So we're getting out of that today. If I were you, I'd call him up and say, I don't want to keep doing this anymore. What's going to happen? And just make sure you read through what the contracts said so that you can come into the conversation and say, hey, I want to, I want to get out of this. I realize this is what I must pay or this is the penalty because there's going to be some penalty fee and just realize this was not the way out. There's a couple of things, Christine, that you're going to pay what we call here stupid tax, which is it's really a. I didn't know tax. And you're going to feel that and it's going to be in way of. I spent years paying a debt relief program to get nowhere and unfortunately I co signed on a loan. But what you're going to find is, is doing this on your own. You are going to go so much further, faster. Christian's going to pick up, we're going to set you up with every dollar and there's free coaching on there. I want you to call the number to get a couple of minutes of free coaching so you can figure out your next right steps and call us back anytime you need us. We, we'll, we'll, we'll be here to help you.

[Dave Ramsey]

If collectors are blowing up your phone every day and you're living in constant fear of the next call, you're not living. You're surviving. You don't need more noise or more stress. You need help you can trust. That's why I recommend Guardian Litigation Group. Guardian isn't a call center reading from a script. They're real attorneys who can step into the courtroom and fight back when creditors try to sue you. Debt settlement isn't glamorous. It's not the preferred path. I'd still rather see you pay it off the old fashioned way. But if you're overwhelmed, out of options and trying to avoid bankruptcy, Guardian can help quiet the chaos and give you a real way forward. With no upfront fees, their attorneys have helped more than 55,000 people settle over $600 million in debt. And when the noise stops, you can breathe again. To learn more, go to guardianlit.com Ramsey that's guardianlit.com Ramsey Attorney Advertising Results may.

[Jade Warshaw]

Vary and no specific outcome is guaranteed. Welcome back to the Ramsey show and the Fairwinds Credit Union studio. We're going back to the phone lines where we have Ethan who is in my favorite place, Miami, Florida. What's going on, Ethan?

[Caller]

Hey guys. How are you guys doing?

[Jade Warshaw]

Doing great. How can we help today?

[Caller]

So I'm trying to keep it brief for you guys. I more or less have put myself in a hole over the last few six months or so, made some dumb decisions and have locked myself in a financial bind. I recently moved to Miami for work back in October and it was about a ten thousand dollar move. And to make it happen I had to borrow money across some different avenues to make the move. My rent is right at $3,000 a month. And late last year I actually bought my wife a new car. She needed a car. And the payment for that is around $900 a month.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Good God almighty. That's a lot of money.

[Caller]

Yeah, it's, it's pretty bad.

[Jade Warshaw]

What's the full, what's the full balance of the vehicle?

[Caller]

We owe about 50, 000 on it.

[Jade Warshaw]

Wow. Okay.

[Caller]

And we're actually underwater. I've already looked in to try to.

Or.

I'm sorry, I used the wrong phrase. We're upside down on it.

[Jade Warshaw]

What could you get? What's it saying? For private sale.

[Caller]

About 30.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, is it an, is it a EV?

[Caller]

It is a 20, 25 grand Cherokee.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Ouch. How much do you make it a month? Dude, how much you bring home?

[Caller]

My salary is right at 6,000amonth.

[Jade Warshaw]

What about your wife?

[Caller]

My wife is a stay at home mom.

[Jade Warshaw]

How in the world did you figure a fifty thousand dollar vehicle?

[Caller]

My, my wife has very good credit and the dealer who sold it to us use my income as the household income using her, her credit. So.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh boy.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Oh boy. All right, let's do this. Let's don't, let's don't, don't. Let's don't blame anybody. Let's say I made an irresponsible.

[Caller]

Yes, it's fully on me. I take full responsibility.

[Dr. John Deloney]

How many kids y' all have?

[Caller]

We have one son.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Caller]

He is eight months.

[Dr. John Deloney]

This is a hard truth that I'm putting on the table. Y' all have put yourself in a position where I don't believe you can afford Right now to uphold this value that you're holding, which is we want her to stay at home with her kid. For right now. You all have a huge mess that can be solved in a year and two years of everybody pitching in and going full bore. Okay, but bro, I mean, you're underwater.

[Jade Warshaw]

Is that, is that it? Is it, Is it just the. I mean, when I say just. Is there anything to add to the pile of the $10,000 you borrowed plus the, the 20,000? You're upside down. Is there more debt?

[Caller]

I believe that's about it. The 10,000 spread across a couple different avenues.

[Jade Warshaw]

Are there people like family members? Did you borrow from family members?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. Okay. So the good news is that's probably. I mean, the way the debt snowball works, it's advantageous for the family members that you borrowed from, and it's also advantageous for you because whenever there's people, you know, you've loaned money to family, it's just very, very sticky. And I want to clean that up for you. Here's, here's the thing. Making $100,000 a year is not what it once was. And what happens is you get this salary and you're like, yes, I'm making six figures and it feels like it's going to be away. And then you're like, I made it to the pinnacle, John Deloney. I remember that was the goal for forever. If you can make a hundred thousand dollars. Yes. And then it's like, if I do that, I can get the place I want, I can get the car I want, I can live the life. It was like, that was the unlock. It's not, it's just not the way the world is, how expensive stuff is, and don't add a little bit of debt to it. Right? That, that money dwindles very quickly, which is what you're experiencing. Am I right, Ethan?

[Caller]

Yeah. So that's right.

Yeah.

To add to the situation, it's. I am like paycheck to paycheck right now.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's because of your rent, buddy. It's because your rent, Ethan, is 50% of your take home pay. There is no extra. There's. There's nothing left. You could be a very reasonable spender. But when Your rent is 50% of your take home pay, everything is tight. So first things first. First things first is we need to find a cheaper spot. Now you're in Miami, is there a way to go a little bit north? Can we go, you know, to an area that's less expensive? Can you go do you see what I'm saying?

[Caller]

I believe so. The, the whole issue with moving is just the lease. To break the lease.

[Jade Warshaw]

How much is it going to be? Two months?

[Caller]

It's two months.

[Jade Warshaw]

But think about that. If you keep this around for the rest of the year that you owe it, think about how much you're going to be throwing away. If you can find a place that you guys can let you have an eight month old, they take up this much space. So if you can find a place that's a one bedroom and the baby's crib, or you know, their stuff is in your, your room, or you put the baby in the living room. This is the time. We had a caller earlier. This is the time to do the sacrifice. The kids are young, you guys are young. You get in a one bedroom, you spend half the amount. You see what I'm saying? You go a little bit north, maybe you have a little bit more of a commute, but it, it could be worth it to you. What kind of work did you move to Miami to do?

[Caller]

So I'm active duty military.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. Is there an allowance of some sort? I'm sorry, do you get any allowance, housing allowance or anything like that?

[Caller]

Yeah, so our BAH is 3200 and our rent is 29 and some change. So like within the BAH range, we're actually, you know, within the budget.

[Jade Warshaw]

But, but is that part of the 6K or is that in addition to.

[Caller]

That's part of the six, so it.

[Jade Warshaw]

Doesn'T matter at that point. Yeah, you're underneath your housing allowance, but your overall monthly income, it's still more than 50. Therefore. Yeah, what I said still rings true. So the key here is we gotta cut the rent in half. At the least.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Can you go live on base for a year?

[Caller]

We don't have that option on this base.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. And then what I am gonna do, and I hate to say this, but yeah, I'm gonna go down to the credit union if your wife's credit's still good, before, you know, before you start missing payments, go down there and say, we want a lot, we need a loan for the difference here, we need a loan for $20,000. And what's better, the only thing better than paying off fifty thousand dollars is paying off twenty thousand. Okay, so instead of having a fifty thousand dollar loan, now you have a twenty thousand dollar loan. And now that frees up a, a couple more hundred bucks in your budget every single month.

[Dr. John Deloney]

900.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Do you see how that works?

[Dr. John Deloney]

The 20,000 $? Geez.

[Caller]

I. I see how that works.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. So that's what I want you to do. Ethan, none of this is going to be pretty nor fun, okay? This is going to be something that you're going to look back on, you know, 15 years from now and go, oh my gosh, remember that apartment? Oh my gosh, remember when we got that loan? And by the way, get the loan for 25 so that you can get, you know, have a little $5,000 car that you drive, okay? That's the way this works.

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Jade Warshaw]

All right, back to the phone lines where we have Claire who's in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Hi Claire. How can we help today?

[Caller]

Yeah, so have a question about how to start a conversation with my family about some student loans. My mom helped me take out some parent plus loans. They are all under her name. I went to college about $36,000 worth with a verbal agreement from me that I would help her pay them back. But now that it is time for me to pay them back because I am out of college and they are coming due, she is requesting the $36,000 payment in full. But when I look back on my tuition bills, she received $17,000 in refunds that she never put back towards the loans. So I'm trying to figure out how to start that conversation of I am not paying you $36,000. I am only going to pay the amount that I used rather than what was. Yeah, so it's. I don't know. It's been interesting and I don't know how to start that conversation.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay, so can. Can we Cut right to the chase here.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Your mom. And man, I hate to say this, this one hurts to say. Your mom is deceiving you. She's lying to you.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And I just have a personal rule that if I'm dealing with somebody who lacks integrity, a, I'm gonna make sure I don't lose my character in the process, and B, I'm gonna be very clear about what I will and will not do, and I will see that through. Because trying to preserve the relationship, she's already burned it to the ground. She's trying to extort you for 17,000 more dollars.

[Jade Warshaw]

Wild.

[Caller]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's, that's madness. A parent of integrity. If I did this with my kid, I would say, hey, dude, I actually spent 17 grand on my own. Me this much money.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's a lot. It's not a number that you forgot. Like, oh, I forgot I did that.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Honestly. Honestly, I, I, I would, I would print the bill out and go sit with her and say, this is what was paid for my bill. I don't know how much you ended up taking out or how much you had deposited into your accounts. Where's the other $17,000?

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah. She did let me log into her, like, Parents plus loan portal so I can see how much she really did take out for me and all of my sisters. But I had a feeling, because then that would have made my schooling a total of $64,000 for three years. And I only went to a state school, so that price didn't really make sense. Plus, I was, like, in state, so I did some research, and now I have to figure out how to have this conversation.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Now you got math on your side. You have bills and math on your side. I think it's a pretty straightforward convers when it comes to what you owe. I think it's a harder conversation about what her choice to lie to you has done to your relationship.

[Jade Warshaw]

I'm trying to find any, I'm trying to find any reason this might be different. Is there any way that, like, during that, did you, did she buy you a car during that time, did she.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Pay your car insurance and your food and rent?

[Caller]

So I lived at home, so no. There was one year I did move out on, lived off campus with some roommates, but I paid my rent and I also like paying my cell phone bill to her. Okay. She did buy a plan for me.

[Jade Warshaw]

You're breaking up on us, Claire?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You're cutting out on us.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Oh, there you go. Now you're back.

[Jade Warshaw]

You lived at home you paid rent. But there was one time when. What a meal plan?

[Caller]

Yeah, it was like $2,000. And I figured if it became a super big issue, I would offer to pay that back too.

[Jade Warshaw]

I add that, listen, if meal plan is part of school, I might add that back in and, and say, say that, say, hey, I looked it up. Here's what I found. You know, slider the paper like they do when they, when you make a negotiation and say. Now I do know that there was the one semester where you played paid for my meal plan. I know that that was $2,000. I don't know if that's part of this. I don't see it. It, you know, try to have some goodwill there, I think. But I agree with what John said. Man, this is dirty.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I hate this for you.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

I'm sorry.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I would commit walking in the door to what your boundaries are going to be on this one and play it as straight as possible and the best you can. This is going to be hard because it's your, it's your freaking mom. But keep your wits about you and keep your integrity and keep your character and, and don't yell, don't scream, don't make accusations. Just be very clear. And luckily for you, this is all, this is all tracked. Right. You can see what she took out. You can actually probably go to the college and get the, the bill that was transferred the day bills were paid. I mean, you can do some, a little bit of forensic accounting here and figure out exactly what she paid and exactly what she kept for herself.

[Jade Warshaw]

Wow. Shouldn't have to be like that.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Jade. I've, I've heard this over and over and over again working with college students.

[Jade Warshaw]

I feel like we are in the era of the Parent plus lo. I feel like we are getting so many calls about that. I don't know if it just happened, you know, in that decade.

[Dr. John Deloney]

It's not the era. It's. The bills are coming due for that era.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, my gosh. And I just. Yeah, I mean, obviously if you sign a Parent plus loan, the parent is the one on the loan. And usually what's gone awry here is there is some sort of verbal agreement, either you will pay or you won't pay. And then the time passes and inevitably someone forgot.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Either someone forgot or they change it. If you're in a position where you need to borrow a ton of so much money that you need to get a full Stafford loan and get a parent plus loan, then you're in a financial situation that's it's already challenging. And when they write you a blank check and they're like, hey, we're gonna send you 20 and the bill's only 15, it takes another level of integrity, another level of discipline to not spend that five.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Because it feels like it just got free deposit. That's a problem for future us. We'll deal with it later.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And my daughter's gonna be rich one day. She it. And that's not the agreement we made.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's not, it's not.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Plus it's a fraudulent use of student loan money, to be honest with you. But it is 100.

[Jade Warshaw]

It is. Yes.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So, yeah. But this. Jade, I cannot tell you how often I heard this story from college students. Parents would take out loans in their children's name and use that money to pay for stuff around the house or whatever.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And it just became, it became an off book stimulus program in a way.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Because you get that, you get the amount of money needed for that that's allotted to you for the semester. The semester. So say you get, I don't know, I'm making this up. Say you get $7,000, but you only needed 5,000. The quote refund. 2,000 bucks just sitting there. It's like, well, I may as well take it.

[Dr. John Deloney]

It's real hard to not man and not send that money back.

[Jade Warshaw]

What's the moral of the story, children, to. To check your bill and make sure that your parents aren't jacking you is.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That I think anytime you go into an agreement with somebody you care about.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And there is like financial borrowing in between you two, just expect that that relationship's gonna get sideways at some point.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's going to. And the best thing you can do if you are listening and you're like, oh, crap, I think I have parent plus loans. And I think that this could end up being me. Try to jump on, like, don't wait, don't wait. Find, like talk to that person today and say, what's the deal with this? This. If you're thinking about taking out those types of loans, of course I'm going to tell you, don't do it. Please just stop in the name of love. And I know it's a tough conversation because let's take a minute and talk about this. College is expensive. It's filled with expectations on the student end and the parent end. Right. How many parents get so much pride.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Over saying, my kid goes to this school. Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yes.

[Jade Warshaw]

And then there's the student who is probably in one of the most emotional periods of their life making this decision. And it's like this is where all my friends are going and you want me to have this college experience.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Colleges tune the cell, the sales cycle to a 18 year old, 17 or 18 year old's feelings.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Right. You hear college students say this was the one, right?

[Jade Warshaw]

Like they're choosing parents, like, all right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I got to mortgage my soul to. Because they found the one. Right. It's madness. It's madness.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's madness. And, and then there's the element of, I guess I'm going to call it some sort of shame because what we're finding is a lot of parents are taking out out parent plus loans and not telling the student that they did it. Not telling them that that's the way that this whole thing is being funded. And then it comes back to bite in the butt later. So guys, our teaching on this is so solid and so clear. If you can go to college, pay cash. Okay? And I know that that sounds. What Jade, you've lost your mind? No, the way to do it is you have to start talking about it before you're 17. You have to start talking about it very, very early. Setting that expectation. Yes, you're going to school if it suits you because maybe college life doesn't even suit you for the career that you want. That's another conversation. But make sure it said, hey, you don't have a college fund, we may not have a 529, we expect you to work part time or we expect that you'll go to a community college, whatever that is. Parents please have that conversation. There's no shame in that game. It is a privilege if you are able to pay for kids college and it is a privilege for both the parent and the student. If you're looking for a more budget friendly way to save on medical costs and stay true to your values, Christian Healthcare Ministries is a great option to think about.

[Dr. John Deloney]

About CHM is not health insurance.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's a health cost sharing ministry.

[Dr. John Deloney]

A biblical community based way for Christians.

[Jade Warshaw]

To share each other's medical bills. That means no enrollment deadlines and you can choose any doctor or hospital you want.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That kind of freedom is big, especially.

[Jade Warshaw]

If you're self employed between jobs or you just need something that fits your budget better. CHM has been around for decades, faithfully serving the Christian community and many members save hundreds of dollars a month compared to traditional health insurance. And that margin gives you breathing room when you're working the baby steps and trying to steward your money well and.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Right now, CHM's offering new members a.

[Jade Warshaw]

50% credit towards their first month of membership. Get [e-mail] budget and use promo code RAMSEY. That's chministries.org budget and promo code Ramsey. One of our favorite things is when people share their stories of how they're winning. And we just got this amazing review from our EveryDollar app. This is what they said. They said, I love this app. It makes it super easy to budget with my husband. We've implemented this practice since our wedding day and we've had zero money fights because there's full transparency and we're on the same page. That's what I would call a win. Hey, guys, you can do this too. You can take control of your money, you can change your family tree, and you can live like no one else. Go download our every dollar budget app for free in the App Store or Google Play. Love to hear it. All right, we've got John in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. What's up, John?

[Caller]

Hey, how you guys doing?

[Dr. John Deloney]

What's up, brother? Hey.

[Caller]

I was about a month ago or three weeks ago, I was an unfortunate victim of a crime that has totaled my wife's car. Oh, yeah?

[Dr. John Deloney]

What happened?

[Caller]

It's unfortunate. Wrong place, wrong time. And my question for you is, we were about to start baby step six and now we're looking at options for a new car. And insurance is going to give me about $25,000 for the car that was totaled. And my question to you is, is this an emergency fund situation where if we have some emergency fund buildup, we could put some of that toward a new car or does that not fall into the bucket of emergency fund uses?

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, what was your wife's car worth? Usually they'll give you the value they did.

[Caller]

It was worth. Yeah, it's worth 25K.

[Jade Warshaw]

So why would you not just use the 25? Why wouldn't you just use the 25,000 to buy a $25,000 car and move on and continue with baby step six?

[Caller]

Well, I figured that's what you're gonna say. The whole thing has been very emotional for us and my wife really loved her car and so we're dealing with this. You know, I could certainly go get a Minivan for a six person family for $25,000 easily. But it's not necessarily what she wants to drive. And I know that's probably not what you guys want to hear what happens, but it's just been.

So.

She was going on a retreat with some of her work the Night before, she said, hey, could you go fill up my car with gas? Would you mind? I said, absolutely not. And while I was out, I decided I was going to get her a car wash as well. And at the car wash, I got held up at gunpoint for the car.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Oh, wow. And they took. They took off. Did they wreck it or something?

[Caller]

Yeah. I won't bore you with all the details, but it is completely totaled, man.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I'm sorry, dude. That's terrifying.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's traumatic.

[Caller]

Yeah, it was. But we're working through it, and God is good, and. Yeah, there's a plan on all this. I'm just trying to make the best decision moving forward.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

I.

[Dr. John Deloney]

This. Like, if we were sitting together and we had an hour just to hang out and have some nachos, I would say this a lot kinder, and I would take a lot longer to say this. Okay. So it's going to sound pretty abrupt. Is that fair?

[Caller]

No, that's. That's fair.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right. This is one of those moments where the line not by your hand but in your lap gap really rings true. You trying to be a good husband ended up in a wrong place, wrong time, and somebody truly victimized you and your family.

[Caller]

Sure.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And you have a mathematical reality to deal with today.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Right. And so I. It's your emergency fund. Right. I mean, it's. It is what it is. What I don't want you to do is to say, hey, this bad thing happened to us, and since we really want something else, this is kind of our past to get the thing we really want. Because what you're going to find is that momentary hooray, I got this awesome car is going to come at the expense of. Well, now we got to stop everything and build up our emergency fund, or we're going to have to make a car payment and you're going to find yourself lower than you were before.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

It's going to feel like a short.

[Caller]

It seems like the only way there is backward, you know? And that's not what we want to do. We don't want another car payment. But I don't. Yeah. Did you just try to. I'm trying. I think I'm trying to make the situation easier than it is, probably.

[Dr. John Deloney]

No, I think you're trying. I think you're continuing to try to be a noble and good husband and a good man and try to take away that terrifying reality from your wife that sometimes awful things happen. Happen.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And doing an emotional thing next, which is, I'll go buy you whatever car you want. It's going to be awesome. And we're going to try to smooth over this pain with a not really wise purchase on a depreciating asset. Isn't the. Isn't the path forward? Right. Really grieving this moment is the path forward. Going slow is the path forward.

[Caller]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And how much money do you make a year, brother?

[Caller]

Between the two of us, It's. We're around 250.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay, so how in all reality if. And this is going to sound nutty, but if you just held off.

[Jade Warshaw]

Could.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Y' all one cart for a month and just squirrel away everything you got?

[Caller]

Probably. Well, it is a good question. Probably not. We just. We have four little kids, so we're somewhere between dropping them at school and my wife works a few days a week and I work every day of the week and so it should just. The reality is, is been a little bit challenging the last three weeks. We've actually been borrowing a car that my dad has available because my mom actually recently passed away, so.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Caller]

There's just all sorts of stuff going on.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah, it sounds like a whole, whole lot of going on. My. My recommendation to everybody when some. When a lot of life is happening at the same time, is to make as few big decisions as possible.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Until the smoke clears. If you could just look at your wife and say, hey, we're going to white knuckle this thing for 60 days.

[Jade Warshaw]

Days.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Six. Zero. That's it. Two months. And we're going to drive this borrowed car and we're going to save up another 10 or 15 grand and then we're going to go get whatever car you want. Man. That's going to feel totally different.

[Caller]

Yeah, I agree. Maybe more fulfilling.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Eventually, I promise you it will be, but it will be super painful. Right now. It'll feel like just getting kicked again while you're down. Right.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

How much is in your emergency fund?

[Caller]

Oh, about 30,000.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, I think you're gonna. I mean, how much would you pull out of there?

[Caller]

I don't know.

Any. Excuse me.

Anything similar to what we had is probably going to be after tax return. 50k would be my guess.

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, you're. You. The car she was driving, how old was it? Because it wasn't worth 50k at the time of the accident.

[Caller]

No, no, no, it was 20. It was 2016, but it had very low miles on it.

[Jade Warshaw]

2016.

[Caller]

And this won't surprise you, but I put new tires on it two days prior.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Of course you did.

[Jade Warshaw]

Y.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You're a good Husband trying to take care of your family.

[Jade Warshaw]

I mean, can you afford, on your salary to have a $50,000 car? Yes, you can. Do you have the cash today to buy it to have a $50,000 car? Not unless you have another stash of liquid cash somewhere aside from your, you know, emergency fund. I think that you would feel if you took your. Your $30,000 emergency fund down to even 10 to do this, I think that would make you feel. I. I don't think you would like the way that felt at the night.

[Caller]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Not with four little kids.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Even if you. If you took it in half and brought it down to 15, I still don't. I mean, I could be wrong, John, but I don't think you would like the way that feels.

[Caller]

Yeah, I mean, we've really liked not having that.

[Jade Warshaw]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Caller]

You know, it's hard. It's hard to go backward.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Which is why it's such a conundrum in my mind.

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you buy something used, Quite used for 25,000, and you get something quite nice, but quite used, used, you really. The. The vehicle's really already taken the hit. And in. In six months or in eight months, when you've saved up some more, you could sell that vehicle really, for probably what you paid for it and put another 10 or 15 with it and get what you really want. You could do that.

[Caller]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And can I give you. Can I give you a psychological trick? Whenever something happens to us like this, we feel like someone, whether it's the cosmos, whether it's the thief, whether it's the. Whatever somebody owes us. And that might be right in this sense, in this justice sense, but it's not true in stone cold feet on the concrete reality. And so the more you're. You live in this. But that's not fair. This isn't. I don't like this. This shouldn't be this way. The more you're. You're. You're divorcing yourself from the reality in front of you.

[Jade Warshaw]

You.

[Dr. John Deloney]

The other thing I want you to imagine if this is the first big thing like this that would happen in your life. This sounds harsh to say, but the world you had. I would even go as far to say the marriage you had is over. Now y' all are living in a post. Somebody put a gun to your head and stole your car. Reality. And so saying, okay, we're now moving forward. What do we want this world to look like? Do we want to go backwards financially? Do you want to live in different debt? Do we want to really grieve what happened and recognize we need to keep our head on a swivel? Life's a little bit different now and we're going to make the next right move with the 25,000 bucks we got. Like, stop trying to say it used to be or we just want to get back to or. It's not fair, man. The path forward is this happened. What are we going to do next? What's the next right move for us?

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Jade Warshaw]

The Ramsey Show Question of the Day is sponsored by Y Refi. If your private student loans are in default and other lenders said no, why Refi could be your next step. Why Refi was built for this situation, helping borrowers refinance with a low fixed rate and an affordable payment so you can get back to winning with money. Check out why refi.com Ramsey that's the letter y r e f y.com Ramsey remember, it may not be available in all states.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Today's question comes from Elise in New Jersey. Elise writes, my partner and I have a blended family, including four children. When we discussed buying our home, we agreed that we would put both of our names on the title and mortgage. Mortgage bills are split between us, all right? Bills are split between us, with him paying more. After we moved in together, I found out that he has wealth that he had not disclosed to me he was awarded a million dollars from a lawsuit. He draws on his disability, doesn't work and makes more money than I do. I wake up before dawn, go to work and take care of 90% of the housework and kids responsibilities. I'm livid finding out that he has such a large sum while I'm living paycheck to paycheck. Paycheck. He buys himself five thousand dollar gifts whenever he wants and tells me like it's nothing. Should I let my anger go or let my partner go?

[Jade Warshaw]

Child, that's wild.

[Dr. John Deloney]

John, listen, listen. Every once in a while I ask myself like, how long is this, this job gonna last? And then I read this and I'm like, we are going to be employed forever.

[Jade Warshaw]

Man, this is okay. Yeah. So she says like quote she says, she says, I'm livid while I'm living paycheck to paycheck. He buys this. So I don't think she's mad. It's almost like, let's be clear about what the problem is. The problem is not that he's spending some of the money. The problem is not that he's telling you that he's spending the money. The problem is that he lied and never told you this money was there to begin with.

[Dr. John Deloney]

He's deceitful. He lied to her, he rubs her nose in it. And he's not a participant in the lifeblood of that home.

[Jade Warshaw]

Not at all. And I for one, I mean, progress is possible, John. You know, everybody can change, like Rocky Balboa said. But for right now I'd be like, oh my gosh, I'm dodging a bullet by finding this out while we're still engaged. They're still engaged, right?

[Dr. John Deloney]

It doesn't even say. It just says her and her partner. So I'm assuming they're not married. Otherwise I hope they would have put spouse. But they did buy a house together.

[Jade Warshaw]

And they have, they blended their kids.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So. Elise. Yes. Oh Lord, I think you have dodged a bullet. Like the Matrix.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, I. Should I let my anger go or let my partner go is the ending question.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I rarely say this, this directly, but I think this is one that I say. Bye, Felicia.

[Jade Warshaw]

I, I would, I mean, if you wanted to. It's easy for us to say on this end. If you wanted to go further in on this and be like, listen, this is so not okay with me. The only way that we can go forward is to have like some intense, intense, some type of counseling to try to repair this. Sure.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Well, the relationship, you thought you had is over.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's not even the same person squared out.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Right. So now it is. Do I want to rebuild a life with a person, and what would that look like? And I'm going to give him a path back to re earning trust, and it would be from not re earning because he never had it. It's going to start from square one. Like, we got to tell the truth with each other. We have to support each other. We're not going to Venmo each other for light bills and water bills. We're gonna. Our money is going to go in one pot, and we are going to pay our bills. Okay, this is madness.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's madness. But. It's madness. Madness. But. And Elise, I'm kind of pivoting from you, but going to the larger conversation here. Here's the problem with this whole deal. Because, Elise, you're not the first one who's called in with a situation where kind of the story changed. Right? I was with this person once. We made this leap over here. Now I'm seeing the real them. Right? Here's what happens. And, John, this is really your avenue. So I'm kind of just. I'm about to give you the assist here, and I want you to like, alley. You dump it, like, break the backboard. The problem when you enter into a relationship and there's no real commitment and you say okay to everything. Okay, you want to combine our families and we're not married. Okay, you want to have sex and we're not married. Okay, you want to move in and we're not married. Okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Buy a house together.

[Jade Warshaw]

You want to buy a house together and we're not married. Okay. Do you want to keep our. Our money separate even though the rest of our life is fully together? Okay. You are setting. In many ways, you are setting yourself up to be a sitting duck for this sort of thing. Because this person can say, hey, we never actually committed. There was never actually a thing where I said all in, therefore, why do I have to.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Well, let's go even further. This guy would say, hey, as she wrote, we agreed.

[Jade Warshaw]

We agree. Exactly.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I'm doing exactly what we agreed to.

[Jade Warshaw]

Exactly. And is it nefarious? Sounds like it is.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

He's a scumbag. He's doing exactly what we all agree to.

[Jade Warshaw]

Right. And that's the thing. That's why the rules. There's a. There's a reason that there's order to things. Because when there's order to things, it helps things be in order.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Well. And it helps. It Helps darkness come to light. Yeah, it helps a conversation. I'm not moving in with you until we're married. I'm not going to buy a home with you until both of us, us have, are sitting with a mortgage lender and both of us have our financial lives laid out in front of both of us until we both commit to, like, outside of those, you just leave pockets of secrets. Even the ability to have secrets.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes. So. Yes. So the moral is, and this is not just to women, this is to men. Require commitment. Like, go require it. You're not going to just give people access to these major meaningful parts of your life that have the ability to really screw you if, if they, if they mess with you. Don't do it unless you're getting full commitment. Require it. I don't just. My pastor used to say this. You know, we, we talk about commitment and, and it's really an all or nothing deal. That like, that is what it is. Like, you're in. You fully commit. You're like locked in. And what's not okay, it's never okay for somebody to say, yes, I'm committed to you, but on Sunday I do my thing. Like, like on my day, you know, I'm everything but that. Right? And it's the same thing with marriage. You can't be like, hey, I'm committed to you. We could put our kids together. We can, you know, buy a house together. But when it comes to my money, that's, you know, that's the day I do my thing. Like, that's my son. Right? Do you see what I'm saying? Require it. You're, you're worth that. Like, somebody should say, I commit to you and I will take everything and I will show you my everything. Like, that is, that is the best part of marriage is having full transparency. And if somebody's not willing to give you that, that cut them loose.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And I. Yes, amen and amen. And I, I, I just, it's, it's amazing. This is coming up. I was just reading a, a pre copy of. My friend Sean Johnson and her husband Andrew east wrote a book on this commitment. She's an Olympic athlete, he's a pro football player. And the whole premise of the book is so powerful. And that is we've lied to ourselves and told us our culture has told us that you always have to leave doors open. You always have to keep your options open, you always have to keep an exit strategy. You always have to. Everything is always on the table for negotiation. And what both of them, this book is so powerful. Actually. Freedom is not in endless choices and endless opportunities. That's a recipe for anxiety and chaos and being paralyzed. Right. There's tons of psychological research about that. The power, the freedom you're chasing is actually in God. Going all in and going through the difficult conversations, through the difficult negotiations. I want to stay up late. I don't go to bed early. I want to keep my money. Well, I don't feel safe going through that and coming out on the other side anchored into something bigger than yourself. That is where we all want to be. We're all just chasing this lie of man. You always got to have a. You always got to have a crack in the door because you never know. You got to keep what's yours and don't let them have everything. And what that does is it keeps you from ever having anything.

[Jade Warshaw]

Wow, wow, wow. I'm. That's something to think about. That is. There's a lot in that. But what you said reminded me of. It's kind of like part of this is when you say okay to less than what you were saying, you're avoiding the conflict of it.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You're avoiding the conflict and you're making a statement about your own perceived value of your worth.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes, but going back. Yes. And going back to the conflict part. I, I read a long time ago, I can't remember what it was, but it was talking about how our greatest relations. Right. When you see it as concentric circles and they go out, the core of our relationships, the ones that are in the very middle, that's our husband, maybe your best friend, those are the people who are willing to enter into real conflict and come out on the other side.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Because conflict is connection. If you both are anchored to the same thing.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes. That's why there's concentric circles. Because the wider out you get, those are the people who aren't willing to engage in conflict. So when you make a commitment. Commitment, you're saying, and I, I'm willing to go through these conflicts to get to the other side and be there with you.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yes. Because. Because being celebrated and challenged matters.

[Jade Warshaw]

It matters. Welcome back to the Ramsey show here in the Fair Ones Credit Union studio. I'm here with Dr. John DeLoney. We're still taking calls about your life and money. So call in, triple 882-55-5225. Jennifer from Detroit, Michigan is on the line with us. Hey, Jennifer, what's up?

[Caller]

Hi. Thank you for taking my call.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. How can we help?

[Caller]

So my 23 year old son will be graduating from The University of Michigan in May and he has racked up 96,000 DOL in student debt. He did have a scholarship that he lost in his freshman year and I've done everything I could to help him apply for scholarships, get him to sit down and get some type of money other than student loans. And he didn't want to participate. Now my dilemma is he's 23 years old. He just got a full time job in supply chain management. He's going to be making about 70, 70, maybe 75,000 depending on overtime. But he also went out and against mom's advice, went out and got a brand new pickup truck at $400 a month plus insurance.

[Jade Warshaw]

400.

[Caller]

Do I, yes. So do I charge him rent? Living in my house for the next year is what he's predicting or what I would charge him in rent? Do I make him pay towards his student debt?

[Jade Warshaw]

What's the purpose? I want to know your heart behind this. Is the rent as some sort of like retribution or like some sort of punishment? Or is it.

[Caller]

No, no, no. I don't want to enable bad behaviors. I've been hearing people say, oh, you know, if your kid's going to be living at home, they should contribute to the household.

[Jade Warshaw]

Why is he living at home? Home?

[Caller]

He's not ready to move out yet.

[Jade Warshaw]

He's graduated.

[Caller]

Right. He doesn't want to move out yet for another year. His girlfriend is going to be, she went into graduate school, she'll be graduating a year. So what's my guess?

[Jade Warshaw]

What to do with anything?

[Caller]

I know, I don't know how to have that conversation with him.

[Jade Warshaw]

I don't think, I mean, I'm just going to be straight up with you. Yeah, he's, it sounds like you've been displeased with some of his choices. That's fine. Despite good advice being sent his way, that's fine. I fear that because of that, this is just one of the, the fears on my list. I fear that because of that, if he moves in, you're going to find yourself meddling because you already know, well, he did this, he shouldn't have done that. And then there's, he did this, he shouldn't have done that. And I think that that's going to, to be not good for neither you nor him. Like that's just not going to be good.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Right.

[Jade Warshaw]

Second, he makes $70,000 a year. Move out. Move out.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah, here's what he, yeah, here's what he needs. He needs a sturdy mom, not a rigid mom, but not an overly Flexible one either.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And so whether you charge him rent or if you just say okay for one year, here's the deal. You are his new landlord and you get to determine any and all stipulations for living in your house. Let me say it clearly. He doesn't get a vote. Okay, you get the vote. And then he gets to make a grown up choice. If a company is going to trust him with $75,000 worth of his, his skill set and, and he didn't have any wisdom yet. He's only 23. But with, with his judgment, then he, he has enough judgment to make his own grown man decision on whether he's going to follow mom's rules. And, and that might be, I'm going to let you live rent free for six months or for one year. But my expectation is you put this much money a month towards your student loans and your student loans is this dollar amount when you leave and every month that you don't send it in, you get one and done and you're out, you're evicted.

[Jade Warshaw]

Here's the only thing I, okay, I'm, I'm rent, right? The only thing I don't like about it, I think it's a, the only thing that I, I don't want to say don't like. The only thing that bothers me about it is you're still telling him what to do, which in your house you have the ability to do that to your.

[Dr. John Deloney]

He's opting into it.

[Jade Warshaw]

He would be opting into it. But I feel like a guy like this, he needs, doesn't need mom to tell him what to do. He needs to go out in the.

[Dr. John Deloney]

World and learn that mom was right all along.

[Jade Warshaw]

That mom was right all along. And it hurts to have $96,000. And you shouldn't have taken out a truck payment. I feel like if he's still there, he's going to keep the car, he's not going to sell it. He's going to move very sheepishly on these, these loans. That's my only concern.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Oh, I've got 50 concerns. I, the fact that, that you told me us he's not ready to move out yet and you're letting that be a reason why he's going to move in. That in and of itself, I, I.

[Caller]

Don'T have a problem and I would love to be able to have him move out. My mom has a house that she had to move out of in assisted living that's sitting empty and we've offered for him to make the Rent. Rent payments and put it into escrow. And when she sells the house.

House.

He gets that money back. He refuses to do that. So I don't know how.

[Jade Warshaw]

When you say, what does that look like? No, he. What does that mean?

[Caller]

He's like. He goes, I'm not ready. I don't want to take care of the yard. I don't want to take care of the house.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Well, he's allowed to do that, but he also doesn't. That doesn't mean he automatically gets to then move in with you. Both things can be true. Well, you're not living here. Here.

[Jade Warshaw]

When he says he's not ready to even. Okay, so take the grandma's. Take grandma's house off the table. When you say, hey son, just go on and get an apartment. And he says he's not ready, what does that mean?

[Caller]

He doesn't want to go out. He doesn't want to live on his own.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Caller]

He doesn't have any buddies close enough to him that he'd want to have a. A roommate.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah. But he does want to make. Make a hundred thousand dollars worth of financial decisions and not study or not. Or get in trouble with the school and lose your scholarship. He does want to make big boy decisions when it comes to just walking out and buying a truck he can't afford.

[Jade Warshaw]

And it's very. There's nothing that you can say concrete that says, but I will be in one year. Right. What will happen that will cause you to be ready in one year? Do you see what I'm saying? What can he point back to? What are the steps that will be taken that will let me know that I don't know, just emotionally or socially, you'll be ready to do that in one year.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Even our friend Henry Cloud says this often. One of the greatest gifts we can give our adult children, and this is so hard. One of the greatest gifts we can give them is the consequences of their own problems.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And my guess is you've been bailing him out for most of his life. And there will come a day when the bailout stops. The sooner and the more preserved Yalls relationship is, the better.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Jade Warshaw]

And the good news is, here's the thing, Jennifer. It's not like you're saying and the door is locked and you can never, never. He can come over for dinner, I'm sure. As much as he wants. He can come over and watch the game. He can come over and you can.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Do your laundry at your house. But he's gonna throw a grown up temper Tantrum. It's not fair. I can't believe you're doing this to me. All that stuff and he's gonna, he's gonna throw an age appropriate temper tantrum that we should have held these boundaries back when he was 12, back when he was 15. Now he's 23. So we're gonna have to weather that stuff storm, but we're going to stay sturdy in that storm and stick to our guns on that. What's the greatest thing for 30 year old him, 28 year old him? It's some really firm boundaries from mom about what she will and will not accept.

[Caller]

Foreign.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hey, guys, Dave Ramsey here. Every day on this show, we help people work through real money problems and figure out what to do next. Now, you can get that same kind of help anytime with Ask Ramsey. Ask your money question and get answers built on Ramsey principles we use on the show. Whether you're making a decision or just want something explained, Ask Ramsey is here to help. It's fast, simple, and free to use. Go to ramseysolutions.com and try Ask Ramsey today. That's ramseysolutions.com.

[Jade Warshaw]

So here's the deal, guys. We wish we could get to every call and question on the show, but that's just not possible. So if you have a money question and you want an answer for your situation, head over to our website and use the Ask Ramsey. Okay? Ask Ramsey is our free AI tool that's built and trained on proven Ramsey principles. You'll get an answer the same way that we'd answer it right here on the show. So ask your question [e-mail] or click I'm sorry. Or if you're watching on YouTube or listening to the podcast, just click the link in the description. All right, all right, all right. Going over to Timothy, who's in Albany, New York. Timothy, how can we help today?

[Caller]

Yeah. Hi, guys. How's it going?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Doing good.

[Caller]

I was just curious. So I'm 25 years old.

Old.

I'm married. I have a two year old and I have about $5,000 to my name and I'm expecting $11,000 tax return because of extra withholdings from last year. The only debt that I have, you know, we rented and stuff and we have cars that we paid cash for. The only debt I have is my wife's student loans, which are around $12,000. So I'm curious and I can tell you the interest rates on each one of her loans if you'd like. But I'm curious if I should take this $11,000 that I'm getting from the tax return and pay off the majority of that debt and be left with very minimal. What do you call it? Backup fund, emergency fund, or if I should put that into, like, a savings account or something, maybe a CD that gets 3% or something high and have it just counteract that, the interest while I'm paying it off, it's very low. Payment monthly.

[Jade Warshaw]

I liked your first idea. 11,000 is the refund amount.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

And 12,000 is a student loans amount.

[Caller]

Yep.

[Jade Warshaw]

And then you have. Did you say you had 5,000 in cash somewhere? Yes, I would pay off as soon as you get that refund. I'd pay off the entire balance of the student loans, and I'd use $1,000 from your. Your savings.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Bro, you're about to be free. Free.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's awesome.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Free.

[Caller]

So you think, yeah, but I mean, it's just a scary place. Being the only person that makes income.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's scary to be debt free.

[Caller]

To be debt free.

[Jade Warshaw]

I've never heard anyone say it's scary to be debt free. This is a risk placement. It's where you're placing your risk, and it happens all the time. So you're, you're, you're. You're not different than a lot of folks that call in. When you're talking about fear, it's kind of like, oh, I'm really scared that something will happen. Right. And what could be the worst thing that happens? You lose your job in this situation.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so you lose your job. Let's just play it out. You lose your job, and instead of using the tax refund, just before you lost your job, you put the tax refund over in savings. And so now you've got $16,000 in savings, still got the 12,000 student loans, and now you've lost your job. First thing is like, okay, I've lost my job. I'm only gonna pay for the most important things. Right. So now you're trying to scrimp on things, and you're like, maybe I won't pay the student loan. And now suddenly that student loan payment is even more, like, punishing to you because you're like, I'm having to take money that I don't have, and I'm having to pay that bill every single month. That is stressful. Right. Whereas if you say, hey, if I lower my. If I lower my expense, it takes to live by paying off my debt and I have some money saved some money, if the worst happens and I lose my job, it costs hardly anything to even operate my life because I have no debt. I don't have to worry about bill collectors calling me. Nobody can take anything from me. Nobody can come after me because I don't have any debt. And the good news is, let's pretend you know, you had a couple of months. How quickly could you save back up the $5,000 that you had? You went, you're going from four to five, or from five to four I should say. How quickly could you put another thousand dollars there?

[Caller]

Another thousand? I'm not sure. My wife and I have just started our super budgeting. I've been doing most of finances since we got married.

[Jade Warshaw]

Surely you could do it quickly without a student loan payment and without any other debt.

[Caller]

I don't think we're even paying on it right now.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, then that means that someone or.

[Dr. John Deloney]

It'S just growing on you like a cancer.

[Jade Warshaw]

What do you make everybody?

[Caller]

Every month I make around 5,000. My wife makes 200 bucks. Okay, take home.

[Jade Warshaw]

So with no, with no debt you think in two months you can muster up 5,500 bucks this month and 500 bucks next month somehow by cutting back?

[Caller]

Yeah, probably.

[Jade Warshaw]

I think you could, you have to cut back a little bit, but I think you could do that and then you're right back money savings wise, you're right back where you were and you have no debt.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And can we call out one other thing?

[Jade Warshaw]

Thing.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Have you gone to fix your withholding?

[Caller]

I, I've upped first. So I just got a new job a couple months ago and I'm not withholding this year. I just got a job right at the start of this year. But last year I was withholding.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So if you think about it, this isn't new money. The government just took about a thousand bucks a month from you and held it for you interest free.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And then they gave it back to you. So if you'd been making that thousand bucks a month or I mean closer to 900 bucks a month. Oh yeah, year. This student loan would have been paid.

[Caller]

Down another 10 grand this year.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah. And so you're going to get what is the equivalent of $1,000 a month.

[Jade Warshaw]

Raise that you should have had all along.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And, and that yeah, it was your money all along.

[Caller]

And so dude, I know that is a good point. And, and bro, I've been pay. So being 25 years old paying for everything is stressful. I just, just about to turn 26, so I'm off my parents health insurance and $50 a week.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Yeah, okay, but can I, can I, can I do something that doesn't get done enough? Can I celebrate you, man? Because I hear a ton of young men just opting out completely of responsibility, of fear of things that like don't have certain outcomes, they're just quitting. And you looked and said, you know what? I'm going to go in, I'm going to commit all in with one person to get married. We're going to go do another terrifying thing. We're going to combine our finances, we're going to do another terrifying thing. We're going to make a human, maybe even more like, dude, I want to celebrate you because what you're going to find on the other end of this responsibility is purpose and ex. Deep, deep value and more joy. More fear. Yes, but more joy than you could have ever imagined on the other side. So I applaud you, brother, for going in at 25 and you're feeling the weight of that squat bar, dude, of taking care of a family, that that's where you get stronger. That's where all the good stuff in your life's going to come from. And I'm proud of you, brother.

[Caller]

Appreciate it. Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Listen, choose freedom. Don't chase interest rates. Choose. As for me and my household, nobody will ever own us. And that just means I'm not going to borrow.

[Caller]

Slave to the lender, right?

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's exactly right. I'm opting out.

[Caller]

I appreciate it.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I'm proud of you, man. Call us back into your debt free screen, man. We're proud. Proud of you.

[Jade Warshaw]

I love that. That was so nice, John. People don't, men don't say nice things to other men. Enough.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I've got to change that. Look, most of the guys in my life are. The way we tell our. Each other, that we love each other is by making fun of each other.

[Jade Warshaw]

Right?

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's funny. And that's, that's 99% of my communication with my friends. But it's, it's one of the things I want to make different this year is if I see a man out in the wild, wild, like trying to make a difference in his home, in his family tree, in his community, I'm g. Call it out because we need more men. Look, seeing each other and saying, okay, I've got, I've got another brother in arms on this one.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. And listen, the ladies, we can help with that too, huh? I mean, yeah, just to like, I, I've seen you write this on social media and I think it's a great post. So I, I'm going to say it the wrong way, but there, I saw you post one time about, about, like, like, grab your husband and like, like, grab his face and just look at him and say, thank. Like, I'm proud of you. Thank you. You're. You're working hard, and I see that.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You want to melt the man in your life.

[Jade Warshaw]

I'm gonna do it tonight.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Grab your husband by the face and look him in the eye and put your forehead on his forehead and just say, I'm so grateful for you. I'm proud of you. Shoot.

[Jade Warshaw]

All right, Sam Warshaw, get ready. That'll.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That'll end him. That will end the most. The most common thing I hear from men behind closed doors is two things. One, I don't know why my wife doesn't like me.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, no.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And often when they ask that, I can say like, well, it's these 14 things, like, right? But the other thing is they, they, they tell me in private. I wish she could just understand that I do all of this for her. It's an audience of one and, and, and, and here's the deal. We go where we're celebrating, and if you're not your spouse's biggest cheerleader, somebody else, some other thing will be. And so however hard it is, however difficult it is, man, if you're married to a good one, man or woman, let them know. Let them know and celebrate them. It just, it means the world.

[Jade Warshaw]

It does. All right, Sam Warshaw, you already know. You already know.

[Dave Ramsey]

If you've been working the plan, paying off debt, saving and changing your family tree, I'm proud of you. And if you're in baby step four or beyond, it's time to celebrate the live like no one else cruise is back. Back March 14 through 21, 2027. Join the Ramsey personalities and me as we sail to Half Moon Cay, Cozumel, Jamaica and Grand Cayman on the ultimate debt free vacation. Cabins will sell out just like last time. Lock in yours with a $600 [e-mail] events.

[Jade Warshaw]

Peyton in Lubbock, Texas is on the line. Hi, Peyton.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Dr. John Deloney]

What's up, dude?

[Caller]

I've been a long time listener and kind of nervous to be on the line with you guys because I kind of feel like I already know what you're gonna say, so.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, Doug. Well, be gentle.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Awesome. You get to pick the heat factor. We can bring it in gentle at a one or two or we can bring it at a nine or ten. You let us know.

[Caller]

Let's go with an eight.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right, buckle up.

[Caller]

Okay, so kind of a loaded question today. And it goes back. I started listening to the Ramsey show in 2020 when I was incarcerated. And when I got out, I started doing things the right way. And then I lost my job and fell back into debt and found another job, but it didn't pan out. Fast forward four failed jobs later and I get hit by a train. This was last this past June and.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You got hit by a train.

[Jade Warshaw]

Holy moly.

[Caller]

Yes, sir, bro.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Your life is a loving country song, man.

[Caller]

So I'm used to doing mostly manual labor in my life. I recently got married, so that's a plus. My wife and I combined finances and I'm going through all of our debts the other day and I'm realizing that we're $100,000 in debt and I can't work yet. And so I started looking for a part time job recently. She only makes $12.50 an hour, so she doesn't really make a whole lot as far as income. She's had a really hard time keeping a steady job for the last four years. And I just don't. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I'm. I'm at a loss. I've called my way out of debt three times in my life and I'm beside myself right now. On top of that, I have a $750 a month child support obligation that I am unable to pay. So my kids are going without and I'm just beside myself.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Hey, brother, I want to applaud you for calling, man. This is a hard phone call, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I'm grateful that you called.

[Caller]

So some of the debts are. She's got $5,000, almost $6,000 in student loans. They have been deferred until this year and so now she's having to start paying on those.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And.

[Caller]

Because I've been in and out of work for about two years now, I'm already got back child support debts. So how much? I've got about $10,000 on one kid and about 5,000 on the other.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Let me ask you, dude, the way you're asked, you're telling us your story. You fell into debt, you got like the jobs went away. If you're to look in the mirror and take full ownership here, why do you keep getting laid off of work? Are you not showing up on time? There's construction going. Like I was just in Lubbock a couple weeks ago. There's Construction projects all over the place.

[Caller]

So I recently moved to Texas.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Caller]

Like I got hit by the train. My wife is from our little small town outside of Lubbock and so when I got hit by the train, she was already here. I just moved and.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay, what's your medical status? When are you going to be able to. To get back? After it. There's. There's so much opportunity for those who will pick up a shovel and get after it in Lubbock, Texas.

[Caller]

Well, like I said, I'm already looking for a part time position. Well, abilities. I have a fused elbow and so.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Caller]

Shoveling is not exactly.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, that's really challenging when that happened. I mean, I. I don't know any other way to say it, so I don't, I don't want it to sound rude, but were you at fault or was there. Was there fault? Is there. Is there anything that come up?

[Caller]

Definitely at fault. I was definitely at fault for the train accident. I was. I found myself making $50 a week at the sales position. It was a traveling door to door sales position where they promised the world and never delayed. So I. I was making $50 a week and barely able to have food. She was working the same job with me and she couldn't make it either. So she decided to go home. And I had seen what happens when people leave the company when they don't have anything. So I wasn't about to get dropped off at a bus station with nothing. Nothing. And so you try to jump a train? I tried to jump a train home and it didn't work.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay.

[Caller]

It was going faster than I thought and it caught me.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So let me ask you this. Are you ready to change everything?

[Caller]

Absolutely. If you only knew, my friend. Okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right. So here, here's my call out. Number one, when you get off this call, I want you to call over to family counseling services. I think they're off Avenue Q over there in lck. Okay.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And they have sliding scale and they support folks who are struggling financially. But you got to get in and sit with somebody. Okay. You got a lot of demons in your back, right?

[Caller]

Y.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay. Number two, you can't kind of look for a part time job. You've got to make it your life's mission to get two jobs by the end of this week. And I'm. And I'm putting that pressure on you because I think you can. And they're not going to be fun and you're going to be exhausted and you're going to be sore. But I Want you to commit to it. Because what you need right now more than anything is a bunch of little wins. And these debt collectors can ask all day long, but, bro, you got kids. And I want to get those guys squad squared up. And you do, too. I can hear it in your voice. Right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right, so let the bill collectors keep calling you for a minute. You don't have anything anyway. And your wife has got to either get the help she needs or she's got to make a commitment. I'm going to go get a second job. I can't just. Can't just put her by on 12. 50 an hour.

[Caller]

She's. She's actually about to get a $9 an hour. Well, 850 an hour raise.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Awesome.

[Caller]

As she's. Yeah. As soon as she gets this test done.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Okay, listen to me. And Jade and I are going to give you and her the Premium Every dollar app because, you know, Premium Every.

[Caller]

Dollar app because we're in Financial Peace University currently through our church.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Sweet.

[Jade Warshaw]

Good. Good.

[Dr. John Deloney]

The worst thing that can happen is y' all get an $8 an hour raise or $9 raise, and you don't budget it because it will disappear faster than you get it.

[Caller]

Right, Right. Right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So we're going to be. We're going to be militant in our discipline when it comes to our spending and our budgeting. And we're gonna have to go for walks. We're gonna have to go over there to Sevier park and go for. Go. I mean, go for walks together. We're gonna have to get a. I don't know, a soccer ball and kick it. We're to do stuff that didn't cost any money because that's where we are right now.

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Right. And if you'll go get a job, you'll get two jobs. Jobs. And you commit to a year of being uncomfortable. You're already uncomfortable. Commit to being uncomfortable in a direction that's going to change your life.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You get what I'm saying?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Go sit down with the counselor over there who will work with you and say, I'm ready to change some of the stuff I've been put. Sit down. Some of that crap I've been carrying for all these years, You know, saying what I'm saying.

[Caller]

Absolutely.

[Dr. John Deloney]

We both think you can do it, man. Also, you know what? Hang on the line. We're going to send you a copy of Ken Coleman's Find the Work youk're Wired To Do. I want you to take the career assessment inside of it. It's incredibly Insightful. And begin to ask yourself not just after a year of survival jobs. What do I actually want to do? What can I do in this local community Community here in this great city of Lubbock, Texas? What can I do that's going to contribute to this city, to the people who've been where, like, who are where I used to be. And now you're talking about changing everything in your life. But you need some little wins brother. Hang on the line. We'll get choked up with some resources. We're. We're. We're your number one and two fan.

[Jade Warshaw]

Foreign. Hey, guys, what's up? It's Jade and I'm pumped for the new year and I hope you are too. But the problem is most people start the new year with a lot of promises and no real plan. You know how it is. I'm gonna save money or I'm gonna get my financial act together. But without a plan, you just wing it and hope it works out. Listen, don't play yourself. I want you to win. And our Every dollar app is the game changer you need in 15 minutes. Everydollar helps you build a plan based on where you're at with money right now. And every day, the app coaches you with ways to find extra money so you can beat debt and build wealth faster. It's like having me in your pocket helping you stay on track all year long. So don't just wish your money works out. You can be the one to actually make it happen this year. Download the EveryDollar Budget app and get started right now for free. Free. The Ramsay Show Scripture and quote of the day 2 Corinthians 9:10. Now he who supplies need to seed to the sewer and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of stuff. Seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. Thomas Sowell. Is that. Is that right? Sow said this. It's okay to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket. All right, I'm with you, Thomas. I'm with you. All right. And is in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hi Anna. How can we help today?

[Caller]

Hi, thank you so much for taking my call you. So I guess I'll just get straight to the point and if you need more details, just let me know. So my question is how do I buy a my fiance when I do not have a credit score or recent rent or loan history?

[Jade Warshaw]

Why don't you have any of that? How were you living before I.

[Caller]

So I am a long term Ramsey Listener back in 2023, I paid off all of my student loan debt of like 49,000. So after that I was living with my parents for a little bit. And now my fiance and I are getting married this August. So I've never had a rent payment. And yeah, my student loan histories, like the loan providers say that it's too long ago to count for anything, so it's hard to get approved.

[Jade Warshaw]

What about your fiance who will be your husband? What's his scenario? Because if you guys buy this house, it'll be together. No?

[Caller]

Correct? Yes, correct. So he actually has, he's debt free too, but he has had like a line of credit since he's been 18. He's been very responsible with his money. So he does have a really good credit score. So when we go into loan providers to get approved, he gets approved and then I get approved for nothing, basically.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay, so they're gonna go, it's gonna go one, one way or the other. You're either gonna go like the zero credit score, underwriting way, or you're gonna go the credit score using his credit score way. And you're gonna case the only. I mean, I can go through the requirements, but I think you already know this. You have to show 12 months of documented rental history. And it's not by amount, it's just showing that you were good for a payment for 12 months. So unless you're in some way going to postpone buying this house, I mean, I don't know, when's the wedding?

[Caller]

The wedding is in August.

[Jade Warshaw]

Okay. Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Other thing is, so for manual unwriting, you have to show 12 months.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, you have to 12. You have to show 12 months of documented rental history. You have to show 12 months of other trade lines, things like cell phones, utilities, insurance payments. You have to show actual money. So you have to show income for the last 12 months, 24 months if you're self employ, employed, and also provide pay stubs for the last 30 days if you're self employed. And yeah, so that's, that's a necessity. Necessity. So I have two, I have two thoughts on what you've said. One is you can just say, okay, my husband has a credit score and it's really, really good. We'll just get a mortgage using that. No one's going to fault you for that if he still has a credit score and it's still really good by then. So you could go that route. Second thought though, that I have is what's the rush to buy a house so quickly? You will, you will have Just gotten married. Usually we'd say, you know, wait a year. At the very least six months. Months.

[Caller]

Yeah, I definitely see what you're saying. We're definitely not opposed to renting. I think it's just the fact that we've been pretty good at. I mean, we follow the Dave Ramsey. I have followed the Dave Ramsey plan. And we've saved quite a bit. And we're. We're ready, I guess, if we wanted to be. But we're not opposed to renting, I.

Guess, if that's your.

What you're hearing. It's just if we come across something we really love, we would love to put in an offer, but otherwise we're totally fine. Right.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Something I. If you are a long term Ramsey listener, can I throw one thing else at you?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And you know what I'm gonna say?

[Caller]

Yeah, I think so.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You put yourself. We, Jade and I would only have jobs. Dave, Ken, Rachel, George, all of us. We'd only have jobs if. Because people have these plans. Plans. And the plans don't work out like they hoped. So I cannot tell you there won't be anyone else in the world other than your family rooting for you and your marriage more than me. I'm. I'm the world's biggest fan of being. Of marriage. Okay. And I only have a job because people get engaged and then it falls apart. And so, you know, I'm going to tell you this. I would not buy anything with somebody that I didn't have the legal protection of being married with. With first. And so even if. Even if that is nothing else to say, let's. Let's rent, let's. Let's get married. Let's live together. Let's figure out distance from grocery stores and distance from our favorite music clubs and distance from our church. Whatever we want to do. Let's get all that settled before we anchor ourselves to a home. Especially when we don't have. When you don't have. Neither of y' all have the protection. The legal protection of. Of being being legally married.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's just what I would tell my friends. That's what I would tell my sister. That's what I tell my daughter. That's what I tell my son. So I'm telling you what I would tell the people closest to me.

[Caller]

No, I. I agree with that. I've definitely heard you all say that before. And it has crossed both of our minds, so.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And I know y' all are special.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Only other people have issues. Right? I get that. I get that. But that's just something to think through.

[Caller]

No. Yeah, for sure.

[Dr. John Deloney]

So have you. Have you tried the manual underwriting process with the. With a loan officer yet?

[Caller]

Yes. And the. It's the 12 months of rent history that I keep running into. So, like, I. I've tried to, like, give them my student loan payments that I paid back. Like.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, but those are trade lines. It's not the same. It's. It really does hit different. So. So I. I think this is a. Let's call this divine intervention. Yeah. This is a sign. This is a sign that is. Maybe you're not quite ready. I mean, clearly you yourself are not quite ready because you don't have the necessary things in place. And then if you guys get married and you guys go in on this, obviously together as husband and wife, it might make sense, like I said, to. To do everything based on what he's showing on his side, because either way, it's going to run one way or the other. You're going to go manual underwriting with a zero credit score or it's going to go based on his side with a credit score. So.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And know this. Banks only make money when. Well, it's not completely true, but they generally make money when they make loans. And so if. If a bank looks at you and says, we don't feel comfortable giving you this money, take that. Take. Take their word for it.

[Jade Warshaw]

It.

[Dr. John Deloney]

You know what I mean? Even if you're like, dude, I have a great job, I've got plenty of money in the bank.

[Jade Warshaw]

Whatever.

[Dr. John Deloney]

All right, fine. We'll sock away more cash. We'll rent a. A small little place. We'll spend our time not worrying about the roof and the air conditioner, but just worrying about getting to. To know each other even better. And then we'll buy a house down the road.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. Or, you know, right today, you could start paying your parents some little bit of rent today and pay that through August or September, whenever it is you're getting married, and then you and your guy rent an apartment for three months and then you're square. You're ready to go.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Or write your parents $1000 check for back rent.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't know.

[Jade Warshaw]

That. Is that. Does that work?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Can you do that? I don't know.

[Jade Warshaw]

Shady job.

[Dave Ramsey]

Don't.

[Dr. John Deloney]

No fraud. No fraud.

[Jade Warshaw]

Run that one back. Okay. Yeah. So you've got some options, some of which are fraud. I'm sorry.

[Caller]

We'll stay away from that one.

[Jade Warshaw]

It's okay. Um, yeah. Hopefully we can talk some sense into this for you. I. I agree wholeheartedly with John. I would. I would just wait. All signs are pointing towards weight. If you wait, you have everything you need. You can buy the house together. It's fully secure. Everything is on the other side of waiting for this. So that is what I would suggest.

[Dr. John Deloney]

And a muscle for you and your new husband to. To begin to exercise is you both really want a thing, but the timing's just not right, right yet. And learning to be frustrated together, to grieve together, to be annoyed together, both towards the same thing, that actually will make you all stronger in the long run.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's so good, John, that practice, that.

[Dr. John Deloney]

Because you're gonna want a new Tahoe, you're not gonna have the money for it, you're gonna want a third kid, but timing is just not right. Like, you're gonna want things and y' all are going to be frustrated together. Start practicing that right now.

[Jade Warshaw]

Have you ever noticed. Okay, here's a quick food for thought for the in of the show. When you're broke, and I'm not saying they are, have you noticed that when you're broke, you want so much? There's so much that you want to buy and go do, and everything feels like. Oh, like anguishing to why not?

[Dr. John Deloney]

Why not? Why not?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. And then when you can finally get it, you're like, oh, I. I maybe didn't want it anyway.

[Dr. John Deloney]

I just want to go about it.

[Jade Warshaw]

You just wanted the option. You just wanted the option of saying, I can choose.

[Dr. John Deloney]

That's right.

[Jade Warshaw]

You know, it's just something to. That, oh, my gosh, what a great time. Hey, guys, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of peace, Christ Jesus.