Transcript

A (0:04)

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network and the Fair Winds Credit Union Studio, this is the Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John DeLoney, host of the Dr. John DeLoney show, one of our more popular properties on the Ramsey Network. Number one best selling author and Ramsey personality, Ph.D. in counseling, by the way. And after Thanksgiving, some of you probably need a little of that.

B (0:40)

Yeah.

A (0:40)

Open phones here at 888-825-5225. I'm not saying your family's crazy. I'm just saying somebody in your family is crazy. Yeah, that's our standing joke around here. If you think there's crazy in every family and if you think there's not in yours, that means it's you. So, yeah, welcome to Thanksgiving and here we go to Christmas, baby. Yeah, just keep it rolling. The hit homecoming. Bonnie's in Las Vegas. Hey, Bonnie. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

B (1:09)

Hi, Dave. How are you?

A (1:10)

Better than I deserve. What's up?

B (1:13)

Amen. Well, we've been long standing, huge fans of yours and we just appreciate everything you do. And we have our 19 year old, we adopted her when she was 16 and so we did the best that we could, you know, for the few years that we had where she was living under our roof, just teaching her, you know, how to save money, just be wise, you know, with financial decisions and ultimately it just was not, you know, received well. And you know, so I, my husband and I think are at, are at odds because, you know, one thing led to another and she just wasn't really making wise choices in any area. And it just kind of was a better situation for her to leave the home, you know, because we have five little ones at our house as well that, you know, she was ultimately an example to as well. But she's, you know, living with another family member is safe and good, but she's in a situation now where, you know, she doesn't have car insurance because she can't afford it. And so she's. Because she's not working. And now she's, you know, not working because she doesn't have a car to get to work. And so my mama heart wants to come in and, you know, kind of save her and help her out. You know, I don't necessarily know what that looks like, but, you know, my husband kind of says, well, she's kind of got a, you know, maybe hit rock bottom. Hit you know, a low so that, you know, she can kind of wake up a little bit and, you know, she wants help, she can come and ask us. And I'm kind of like, well, maybe she doesn't know that she can, you know, that she can ask us for help. So we're kind of, you know, at odds there. And I was just wondering if you had any suggestions.

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show

Episode Title: You Can’t Fix People by Funding Their Bad Decisions
Date: December 2, 2025
Hosts: Dave Ramsey (A), Dr. John Delony (C)
Producer: Ramsey Network

Episode Overview

This episode of The Ramsey Show centers on a theme repeated throughout: “You can’t fix people by funding their bad decisions.” Dave Ramsey and Dr. John Delony respond to callers facing issues rooted in financial enabling, family expectations, and tough love. The hosts urge listeners to make decisions that promote independence and long-term well-being, not short-term comfort, while fielding questions about everything from family bailouts to buying cars, navigating in-law drama, and the realities of wealth-building.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. You Can’t “Help” by Enabling Bad Behaviors

Caller: Bonnie (Las Vegas) [01:09–08:32]
- Context: Bonnie adopted a teenager, now 19, who’s not making wise choices—unemployed, no car insurance, and living with another family member. Bonnie and her husband disagree on how to help.
- Ramsey Response:
  - On Enabling vs. Helping:
    “I want you to define the word help to be not something that temporarily takes away her pain, but something that helps her be a better 30-year-old.” (Dave Ramsey, 04:16)
  - On Tough Love:
    “You just caving and throwing money at her while she’s misbehaving...is not really help, is it? It’s giving a drunk a drink.” (Dave Ramsey, 04:33)
  - Relational Support:
    “I’ll be your cheerleader and your coach. I won’t be your bank.” (Dave Ramsey, 06:16)
- Delony Perspective:
  - Adopted kids (especially older adoptions) test parents to see if they’ll be abandoned. Consistent, non-monetary connection is key—like weekly breakfasts or recurring calls.
  - Key Quote:
    “That’s different than ‘I’m going to always give you whatever you want whenever you want it.’” (John Delony, 05:07)

2. Financial Oversight for Vulnerable Family Members

Caller: Gary (Riverside, CA) [10:36–19:31]
- Situation: 85-year-old mother-in-law is heavily indebted, scammed, and compulsively shopping through TV and online outlets.
- Advice:
  - Move her Social Security income to a new, controlled bank account.
    “She has no spending available to her except what you give her. And you operate her account as if she's incompetent—voluntarily.” (Dave Ramsey, 12:10)
  - Involve siblings for transparency.
  - Recognize loneliness and technological confusion as root issues.
  - Quote:
    “Larry Burkett used to say financial problems are not the problem, they’re the symptoms.” (Dave Ramsey, 14:45)

3. Annuities and Buyer’s Remorse

Caller: Sherry (Dallas) [22:29–29:29]
- Context: Rolled $689,000 from a 401k into a fixed annuity, only to feel trapped by early withdrawal penalties (13%).
- Ramsey’s Take:
  - Seek advice from a SmartVestor Pro, not the selling agent.
  - If there’s no legal recourse, take the hit and reinvest elsewhere—over time, good investments can recover that fee.
  - General warning against annuities as investment products for most people.
  - Memorable Quote:
    “If the name of the company you’re dealing with, your ‘investment’ has insurance in the name, you’re about to get screwed.” (Dave Ramsey, 29:49)

4. Reconciling Competing Goals in Marriage

Caller: Caleb (Canada) [33:19–39:10]
- Dilemma: One spouse wants to travel, the other wants to pay down the mortgage.
- Advice: Split extra funds between both goals; revisit as you go.
- Delony’s Insight:
  “That’s where true marital intimacy comes from, because you get beneath the spreadsheet and into spirit.” (John Delony, 38:03)

5. Flood Insurance—Worth It?

Caller: Chris (Tampa, FL) [39:10–41:57]
- Question: Is expensive flood insurance necessary after paying off a coastal home?
- Answer: Yes—“It’s a sleep tax.” After disasters (like Katrina), only flood insurance pays out.
- Quote:
  “State Farm paid nothing. They paid no one anything on hurricane insurance because they declared it all to be floods.” (Dave Ramsey, 40:45)

6. Cohabitation Before Marriage—Does It Help?

Caller: Daniel (NYC) [44:08–49:52]
- Question: Should we move in together before marriage? Parents advise yes.
- John Delony’s take:
  “The data is not in your favor.” Married couples fare better than cohabiting couples, statistically.
- Dave Ramsey:
  “You can respect your parents and still disagree with them.” (45:57)
- Practical advice on engagement ring budgets and rent-to-income ratios.

7. Reverse Mortgages—A Tempting Trap

Caller: John (Edmonton, Canada) [53:54–60:07]
- Situation: Parents consider a reverse mortgage to support recently widowed daughter.
- Dave & John’s stance:
  Don’t risk your own financial foundation. Find other ways to help, like childcare.
- Quote:
  “Feels like a permanent solution for a temporary problem.” (Dave Ramsey, 57:50)

8. Families & Control: Tuition Payback Requests

Caller: Elisha (Knoxville) [80:46–85:00]
- Scenario: In-laws demand repayment for wife’s unfinished college semester after she quit engineering due to illness.
- Hosts:
  - “This is not about tuition. This is about control.” (Dave Ramsey, 83:22)
  - “The relationship you’re trying to preserve has never been there.” (John Delony, 84:33)

9. Living at Home at 30: Time to Launch

Caller: Alyssa (Chicago) [117:24–121:28]
- Q: Should I keep paying parents rent, or move out?
- Ramsey:
  - “At 30 years old, if you’re not sick and you haven’t been abused, there’s no reason for you to be at home. You need to be like a grown-up woman.” (Dave Ramsey, 119:47)
  - Analogy: A safety net vs. a hammock. Home should not be permanent for adults.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On True Help:
“Redefine help—not to remove pain for the moment, but to make a person better at 30.” (Dave Ramsey, 04:16)
On Enabling:
“Giving a drunk a drink. Yeah, it’s enabling.” (Dave Ramsey & John Delony, 04:33–06:18)
On Family Boundaries:
“If you think there’s not crazy in your family, that means it’s you.” (Dave Ramsey, 00:40)
On Risk & Business:
“The way I went broke was I borrowed too much money… All you have seen is the upside, you’ve not considered any of the downsides.” (Dave Ramsey, 69:44)
On Living Like an Adult:
“You do not need to be living under mommy’s roof at 30 freaking years old. You’ve stunted your development.” (Dave Ramsey, 119:47)

Timestamps for Important Segments

[01:09–08:32] — Bonnie’s adopted daughter: enabling vs. tough love
[10:36–19:31] — Elderly parent’s shopping addiction and financial protection
[22:29–29:29] — Annuity regret and what to do next
[33:19–39:10] — Travel vs. mortgage payoff: marriage and money-talk
[39:10–41:57] — Florida flood insurance: sleep tax and natural disaster realities
[44:08–49:52] — Should you live together before marriage?
[53:54–60:07] — Reverse mortgage and widow with young children
[80:46–85:00] — In-laws, tuition, and the control game
[117:24–121:28] — Adult children boomeranging home and independence

Tone & Style

The episode balances compassion with “tough love.” Both hosts use humor, directness, and personal stories. Dave is blunt but warm; John brings psychological depth and empathy. Enforcement of financial discipline and boundary-setting are recurring themes.

Conclusion

This episode embodies the Ramsey philosophy: Real help means enabling independence, not removing discomfort. Whether dealing with struggling kids, elderly parents, or your own money mistakes, Dave and John push listeners to make hard decisions now for a better life later—and remind you that “normal is broke.”

For more information or to listen to future episodes, visit: www.ramseysolutions.com