Transcript

Kid Fury (0:00)

Hey, y', all, have you heard of this new Netflix series called his and Hers? So it's this mystery starring Tessa Thompson as Anna, a journalist in Atlanta, and John Bernthal as Detective Jack Harper. Now, when Anna catches wind of a murder in her sleepy little hometown, she jumps into the investigation. Detective Harper grows suspicious of her involvement. Girl, what you doing? Chasing her into the crosshairs of his case. Now, the closer they get to each other, the closer they get to the truth. Watch his and hers now only on Netflix. Woo.

Crissle West (0:33)

I'm parched. And you know what would really do my thirst? Something spectacular. It'd be a crisp Sprite, zero sugar. That's right. Unk is watching the sweets. Okay. Because summer's coming up and I'm trying to be thought Tiana. Mm. And that is why I enjoy Sprite Zero sugar. No, sincerely, I really love it. Because as opposed to a lot of zero sugar beverages and sodas and stuff, this still tastes like Sprite. It is the flavor that I recognize from the Sprite. It tastes just as good. I love it. So you get the same crisp lemon lime flavor just without the sugar. And there isn't like any crazy compromise and hidden asterisk and, you know, National Lampoon, like, mystery of what's actually happening to you? No, it's just bright with no sugar in it. Tastes the same. It's refreshing. And as someone who might be obsessed with carbonated beverages, it just gives me exactly what I need. So try it out. The Sprite, Zero sugar. Obey your thirst. D I've always wanted to say that. Word. And welcome back to this particular living room with your cousins that are gonna tell you the truth whether you like it or you do not. I'm a tough tootin, baby, and I can punch in your buns.

Kid Fury (2:36)

And I am TD Jakes, and this is the read. Thanks for coming back.

Crissle West (2:40)

Please don't be.

Kid Fury (2:41)

Wait, why?

Crissle West (2:43)

Oh, wait. I was thinking of a different feature. Never mind. I just.

Kid Fury (2:46)

Okay, we'll get. We'll get to it at some point. But TD Jakes, I saw a clip of his very recently that had me like, you know, I wish more niggas would listen to this man about this particular topic, but we'll get there.

Crissle West (2:58)

Yeah. Okay. Welcome back, everyone. Mid January. That said, I put this on threads and you can argue with me about it. I'm standing 10 toes. Then the year ain't new no more. Please leave me alone. I don't need Happy New Year. I don't. Let's move on. Thank you. Because you're gonna belch and it's gonna be Valentine's. And that's kind of wild to think about. Maybe that's why y' all are stuck on the Happy New Year thing, is because we all want time to slow down a little bit. So maybe I'll give you a break.

Summary

The Read – Episode Summary: "To Catch Feelings On Mama's Phone" (January 15, 2026)

Main Theme / Episode Overview

In this episode, Kid Fury and Crissle deliver their unfiltered, hilarious, and insightful commentary on the latest in Black excellence, hip-hop/pop culture drama, viral internet moments, and listener letters that span everything from friendship fails to complicated matters of the heart. With their trademark blend of shade and sincerity, the duo navigates celebrity shenanigans, relationship mess, generational gaps in dating, and Black joy—with plenty of memorable lines and cathartic laughter along the way.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Black Excellence & Award Season Highlights

[03:56 – 07:21]

Teyana Taylor’s Golden Globe win: Crissle lavishes praise on Teyana Taylor’s emotional Golden Globe speech and her historic acting achievement in "Umbrella". The significance of representation and authenticity in celebrity moments shines through.
- Quote (Crissle, 05:18): “Get your things, Black women, Black femmes, come collect this year. Yes, ma'am.”
Junglepussy’s Impact: Paul Thomas Anderson’s shout-out to Junglepussy (Shayna McHale) for her iconic line “this pussy don’t pop for you” is celebrated (Crissle, 06:02).
Wunmi Mosaku & Hailee Steinfeld Pregnancies: The hosts fawn over their respective glamour, representation, and baby announcements on the red carpet (Crissle, 11:28).

2. Golden Globes & Comedy Roasts

[07:21 – 12:22]

Nikki Glaser & Wanda Sykes’ Roasts: The hosts dissect viral jokes targeting Kevin Hart and Michael B. Jordan (“Nicki B. Jerking”), including the priceless reaction from Michael B. Jordan’s mother.
- Quote (Kid Fury, 10:15): “Can we just take a moment to talk about how fucking gorgeous his mama is?”

3. Hot Topics – Hip-Hop & Pop Culture Mess

a. Morning Radio Shakeups

[12:53 – 16:11]

Mornings with Mero (of Desus & Mero) taking the Hot 97 slot is praised as “fierce” and “as it should be.” The hosts discuss the significance of bringing local talent into New York radio.

b. Offset & Selina Powell Scandal

[16:11 – 24:11]

Kid Fury and Crissle break down Offset's messy entanglements and public drama involving threatening texts, gambling away $15k, and ongoing beef with Cardi B and Stefon Diggs.
- Quote (Crissle, 17:56): “He should be in, like, one of those Tiger King cages. Like, what is wrong with this nigga?”
- Cardi B’s response—being “unbothered” and focused on her own progress—is lauded as maturity (Crissle, 22:39).

c. NFL Legal Delays & Stefon Diggs

[24:30 – 26:57]

Wry commentary on how the NFL quietly hushes legal proceedings until after major games: “That league gonna be like, oh, you know what? Actually, that nigga’s available in three and a half minutes.” (Kid Fury, 24:57)

d. Rihanna & Pop Culture Queenery

[29:08 – 31:43]

Rihanna’s cryptic pregnancy jokes and “Avon lady” jokes for not releasing music prompt laughter. The hosts compare her and A$AP Rocky’s relationship to Clarissa Shields and Papoose.
- Quote (Crissle, 29:23): “She ain’t released music in so long. I forgot what they’re called.”
- Quote (Kid Fury, 30:35): “That’s not healthy. That’s not good, girl. Oh, no.”

e. Destiny’s Child Candlelight Tribute by Matthew Knowles

[32:08 – 35:43]

Discussion of Matthew Knowles’ Destiny’s Child “reimagined” tribute tour—without the group—is met with heavy skepticism but optimism for Black performers earning their coin.

f. North West’s Piercings & Black Parenting

[35:43 – 37:42]

The hosts speculate on North West’s body piercings and public anxiety around growing up Kardashian, advocating for prayer and empathy for celebrity Black children.

4. Reality TV Fights & Celebrity Nostalgia

[39:39 – 44:34]

Boots and Bucky’s fight on VH1/Bet is delightfully roasted, noting how reality TV recycles old beef for ratings. American Horror Story’s return of Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates is seen as a “recession indicator”—or just “increasing the budget” because nobody else tuned in.

5. Listener Letters – Love, Boundaries, and Black Community

[48:25 – 89:14]

Letter 1: Ariel’s May-December Entanglement

[52:57 – 67:07]

A 35-year-old man accidentally finds himself in a budding romance with a 19-year-old. Both hosts advise him to let go, address his underlying loneliness, and leave the “age gap” dynamics behind.
- Quote (Crissle, 60:59): “You are a 35 year old man, fucking with a nigga whose parents be on his line. That don’t sound wild to you?”
- Both urge therapy and self-care.

Letter 2: Becky Without Good Sense’s Stadium Blunder

[67:35 – 77:14]

Listener recounts smuggling a friend’s Trader Joe’s bag into a stadium and being patted down. The hosts laugh, reassure Becky she just needs more Black friends/support, and not to spiral for a “minor incident.”
- Quote (Crissle, 73:02): “You just wanted to be a homie.”

Letter 3: Junebug’s Ex Trouble

[77:14 – 89:14]

A queer woman unpacks heartbreak after her partner continues to secretly meet up with her ex despite clear boundaries. Hosts affirm it’s reasonable to ask for those boundaries but stress that without trust, the relationship can’t survive.
- Quote (Kid Fury, 87:54): “Without trust, you really have not shit, so... this one had to go.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (w/ Timestamps)

Crissle [05:18]: “Get your things, Black women, Black femmes. Come collect this year.”
Kid Fury [10:15]: “Can we just take a moment to talk about how fucking gorgeous his mama is?”
Crissle [17:56]: “He should be in, like, one of those Tiger King cages. Like, what is wrong with this nigga?”
Kid Fury [24:57]: “The league gonna be like, oh, you know what? Actually, that nigga’s available in three and a half minutes. You can send that subpoena tomorrow.”
Crissle [29:23]: “She ain’t released music in so long. I forgot what they’re called.”
Crissle [60:59]: “You are a 35 year old man, fucking with a nigga whose parents be on his line. That don’t sound wild to you?”
Kid Fury [87:54]: “Without trust, you really have not shit, so...”

Other Segments

The Read – Listener Letters & Community Clowns

Several updates from previous letter writers, showcasing listener engagement and ongoing emotional support.
Strong threads on self-reflection, mental health, and the embarrassing but relatable pitfalls of adulthood.

Community Drag & Current Events

Carol Danvers’ Letter [92:11 – 99:08]: A listener recounts being hit by a car and then told by the driver “that’s what you get for jaywalking.” The hosts are horrified and wish the worst on the driver, while commending the Black woman police officer who helped.
- Quote (Carol’s letter, 92:17): “I hope your panties always in a bunch, your favorite coffee is always out of stock, and your phone is never fully charged.”
Cam Newton’s “Eclecta” Blunder [99:10 – 104:12]: The hosts drag Cam Newton for mispronouncing “eclectic” and refusing correction, giving major side-eye to the viral moment with Lady London and “Thanksgiving morals” nonsense.
Jacksonville Free Press Uproar [104:43 – 116:12]: Analysis of the viral moment when a Black woman reporter offers words of encouragement to a disappointed NFL coach—and the resulting overreaction from “serious” sports journalists. Kid Fury fiercely defends community journalism and the importance of joy and support.
- Quote (Kid Fury, 110:58): “In the grand scheme of things, it is niggas playing a game.”

Time-Stamped Guide to Important Segments

Black Excellence & Teyana Taylor: 03:56 – 07:21
Golden Globe Comedy Roasts: 07:21 – 12:22
Offset/Selina Powell/Stefon Diggs Mess: 16:11 – 26:57
Rihanna & Destiny’s Child Tour: 29:08 – 35:43
North West Piercings & Parenting: 35:43 – 37:42
Listener Letters Begin: 48:25
Ariel’s Age-Gap Dilemma: 52:57 – 67:07
Becky’s Trader Joe’s Bag Debacle: 67:35 – 77:14
Junebug’s Ex Trouble: 77:14 – 89:14
“The Read” Letter (hit-and-run): 92:11 – 99:08
Cam Newton's “Eclecta”: 99:10 – 104:12
Jacksonville Free Press Controversy: 104:43 – 116:12

Tone and Language

Unapologetically Black, candid, irreverent, and witty, with poignant moments of sincerity.
Language is colloquial, embracing internet culture, pop culture references (“skibidi toilet”, “baddies”, “Thunderdome”), and plenty of creative shade.

Conclusion

This episode encapsulates the energy and spirit of The Read—balancing celebrity tea with communal healing and laughter. From award show highs to relationship woes to side-splitting reality TV throwbacks, Kid Fury and Crissle create space for Black joy, critique, and catharsis. Their advice, as always, is delivered straight, with love, humor, and a reminder that no “unique” struggle is ever truly unique.