Mess World – "Longevity Erotica" (February 6, 2026)

Podcast: Mess World
Hosts: Jessica DeFino and Emily Kirkpatrick
Episode Theme: A hilarious, savage, and densely packed exploration of current beauty and pop culture absurdities, focusing on shifting beauty (and butt!) trends, fashion industry scandals, surveillance culture, the misuse of theoretical terms like "the male gaze," the new Ryan Murphy show The Beauty, and the viral longevity influencer Brian Johnson—complete with a dramatic reading of his recent self-published erotica.

Episode Overview

Mess World’s first episode of 2026 rings in the new year with Jessica and Emily critically examining fashion and beauty's latest messes. From the viral (and very weird) return of the butt crack in fashion, to the convoluted world of beauty routines in the age of influencer culture, the duo dives deep. The episode also includes a memorable dramatic reading of "longevity erotica" written by infamous anti-aging enthusiast Brian Johnson.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Validation, Trend Prediction, & the "Return of the Crack"

• Validation from Media: Emily and Jessica open with reflections on being "copied" by major publications and the frustrating hunger for external validation in creative work.
  • "I just kind of don't know what my recourse is anymore...I specifically wrote [about 'crack is back'] for the Cut...as a form of legitimizing...But, that didn't work so well..." (Emily, 04:21)
• Butt Crack Trend: The recurring "Crack is Back" headlines miss the nuance—the trend is now about concealing the crack, not exposing it.
  • Teyana Taylor’s Golden Globes dress and Cardi B's chain dress show "strategic crack concealment," not actual exposure. Bella Hadid’s yacht look is cited as another example (chains/fabric covering the crack itself).
  • "What we're actually about to see is strategic crack concealment." (Emily, 05:55)
  • Jessica likens it to "pimple patches" being framed as acne positivity: "It's the same thing. Cover and eliminate." (08:04)
  • "Crack of the mind is so much more exciting than the crack of the body." (Jessica, 09:25)

2. Face Obscuring as Celebrity Power (10:00–13:42)

• Face Concealment as Status: The newest luxury is denying the pleasure of celebrity appearance—a move both about agency and reacting to surveillance culture.
  • Recent examples: Teyana Taylor’s covered face gown, Maduro’s blindfold, the viral Nike sweatsuits, and ICE agents masking their identities.
• Surveillance Tension: "By blocking the face, you’re calling attention to what you’re doing. It’s simultaneously inviting and denying surveillance." (Jessica, 12:11)
• Political Irony: Critique of right-wing figures who decried masks during COVID but now cover their faces for anonymity (ICE agents).

3. Celebrity Beauty Lies & the "Kendall Jenner Nose" Discourse (14:08–18:05)

• Kendall Jenner Denies Nose Job: Claims her changing nose is the result of aging and Accutane, not surgery.
  • Explainer on how Accutane can marginally affect skin (reducing oil glands), but not bone/cartilage, debunking her claim.
  • "It does not change the structure of your nose...this is not—Kendall's nose is probably not an example of what Accutane can do." (Jessica, 15:55)
• Danger of Beauty Lies: Concern that such statements drive unnecessary pharmaceutical use (microdosing Accutane), with hosts sharing their own negative experiences.
• Nose Growth Myth: Jokes about the persistent myth that "nose and ears keep growing forever," poking fun at the idea that noses can shrink with age.

4. "Ambient Influencing," Alex Earle & Beauty Content's Evolution (18:10–22:41)

• Perioral Dermatitis & "Evil" Language: Call-out of a dermatologist for describing a condition as "evil", exposing the persistent ethics/aesthetics purity myth (ugliness = evil).
• "Get Real With Me" (GRWM) Format: Alex Earle’s ambient beauty videos move product by making beauty routine secondary—more relatable, more powerful marketing.
  • "By moving beauty to the background...it's actually a more powerful driver of purchases..." (Jessica, 20:56)
• Production Illusion: Discuss the lengths creators go to make content seem casual and "unproduced," parallel to how surveillance and influencer cultures blur reality.

5. Dolce & Gabbana: Cancel Culture’s Toothless Repetition (23:41–51:17)

• Endless Scandal Timeline: Emily delivers a comprehensive, timestamped rundown of D&G’s offensive history, showing the futility of "canceling" billion-dollar brands:
  • All-white "Portrait of Man" show (2026)
  • Repeated racist, xenophobic, homophobic, and misogynistic comments
  • IVF comments, racially insensitive ad campaigns in China, public antagonism, tax evasion, fights with celebrities and stylists (e.g. Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Kardashians)
  • “Boycott Dolce & Gabbana” T-shirt ($245) as anti-boycott troll.
  • Product missteps (e.g., "I'm Thin and Gorgeous" shoes, "Slave Sandals," Blackamoor earrings)
• Quote: "People used to argue with me the IVF comments 'happened so long ago'...That happened in 2015. That's not that long ago." (Emily, 32:51)
• Systemic Industry Problem: "When people talk about 'cancel culture'...if Dolce & Gabbana is proof of anything, it’s that it doesn’t exist." (Emily, 25:21)

6. What Is (And Isn't) the Male Gaze? (51:17–66:23)

• Definitional Clarification: Critique of social media’s misuse of "male gaze" as simply "what men want to look at."
  • "The male gaze describes the psychological condition of navigating a male dominated world." (Jessica, 52:54)
  • “If we just reframed it as the 'patriarchal gaze' it would be a lot clearer” (Jessica, 53:14)
• John Berger & Laura Mulvey: Citing foundational texts (Ways of Seeing, Mulvey's essay), the hosts clarify the male gaze is structural, not personal—everyone's reality is shaped by it.
  • "[Berger:] 'Men dream of women, women dream of being dreamt of.'...That's the alienation from your own experience." (Emily, 57:02)
  • The "female gaze" cannot exist in a patriarchal society.
• The Sale Gaze: Jessica introduces the "sale gaze"—self-objectification driven by consumer culture and product-driven beauty standards, tangled with the male gaze.

7. TV Segment: The Beauty (Ryan Murphy) – Analysis & Roast (66:23–98:34)

• Premise of "The Beauty": A new Ryan Murphy show where a (possibly viral) injectable makes people beautiful, for a limited, deadly period.
• Brutal Takedown: The show is panned for its lack of self-awareness, tone, and scientific/beauty logic. "It relies upon you agreeing...about who is beautiful and who is ugly...an implied standard of beauty that's...impossible to live up to..." (Emily, 71:47)
• Incoherent Aesthetics: Critique of the show's unresolved concept of beauty (one person gets bigger breasts, another doesn’t), and its focus on work as a hot person ("hot people choosing to work at Vogue’s accessories closet").
• Missed Opportunities: More could have been said about the societal spread of beauty standards, beauty as communicable disease, and real-world relevance to ozempic/filler/Wegovy culture.
• Product Placement: Noted shameless product placement—Balenciaga, Voss water, Applebee’s.
• Outstanding Quotes:
  • "Anthony Ramos is, like, the most stunningly gorgeous man, and [the show] tries to convince me he's ugly because he has an eye patch." (Emily, 81:04)
  • "They are turning hot people into comparably hot people." (Emily, 75:36)
  • "Being a model is not just about being hot. Modeling is a skill set." (Emily, 90:07)
• Meta-Jokes: House MD’s theme song repurposing, the show’s “languishing” 24-minute episodes, Evan Peters trapped in Ryan Murphy’s circle of hell.

8. The Longevity Erotica Moment: Brian Johnson Unleashed (99:21–110:44)

• Who Is Brian Johnson?: Longevity start-up guy, famous for his anti-aging pursuits, recently announced he’d found love.
• Erotica Reading: The showstopper: a cringey, detailed, medicalized erotic story Brian Johnson posted about having sex with his new girlfriend, mixing scientific jargon, the language of nervous systems, and anatomical obsession with abject seriousness.
  • Highlights: "My left hand anchors the curve of her waist, pulling her close. My arms establish a perimeter of safety, holding back the world's chaos. The warmth soothes and excites. Her vagus nerve activates, pulling her breath down deep and slow..." (Emily, reading Johnson, 102:08)
  • "Her cervix begins to tent...Her anatomy has remodeled itself for the dance..." (Emily, reading Johnson, 105:15)
• Analysis: Discussion on how Johnson medicalizes intimacy, turning love into a set of anti-aging biohacks. "Do you love this woman or do you love the health benefits that being in love imparts upon you?" (Emily, 109:06)
• Blueprint Skincare: Jessica contemplates trying Johnson's skincare/diet for science—comparing product pages which boast "Used by Brian Johnson" as a key selling point.

9. Marketing, Protests, and the Morality/Consumerism Trap (112:35–118:21)

• The Anti-ICE Content Dilemma: Hosts scrutinize beauty influencers and brand owners who post anti-ICE messages while shilling their own branded beauty products (often visible in such posts), expressing discomfort with "morality as ad content" during tragedy.
  • "Something about seeing that makes me feel so gross...It really reminds me of how the pandemic was assimilated into content and consumerism so quickly." (Jessica, 115:48)
• Simulacra & Simulation: Everything, even resistance, is folded into the market; even anti-capitalist sentiment becomes another product.
  • "There is no anti capitalism because everything becomes capitalism in the end...everything is worked back into the market." (Emily, 116:22)

Notable Quotes & Moments

“Crack of the mind is so much more exciting than the crack of the body.”

(Jessica, 09:25)

“The male gaze describes the psychological condition of navigating a male dominated world…”

(Jessica, 52:54)

Dolce & Gabbana’s catalogue of horror:

“They called Chinese people ‘dirty-smelling mafia who eat dogs’...That’s why I’m saying, again, why are we even talking about them?”
(Emily, 31:42)

Longevity Erotica:

“My arms establish a perimeter of safety, holding back the world’s chaos. The warmth soothes and excites. Her vagus nerve activates, pulling her breath down deep and slow...”
(Brian Johnson, 102:08, read by Emily)

On the thinness of "The Beauty":

“It relies upon you agreeing with the show about who is beautiful and who is ugly. And it also creates an implied standard of beauty that's again, like impossible to live up to the concept. So like everyone is always going to like fall short...”
(Emily, 71:47)

Important Timestamps (by Topic)

• 00:15–05:15 | Opening banter, trend validation, “Crack is back” discourse
• 05:55–09:34 | Strategic crack concealment, the allure of absence
• 10:00–13:42 | Face concealment, celebrity privacy, fashion/politics, surveillance culture
• 14:08–18:10 | The Kendall Jenner nose job saga, Accutane debate, beauty misinformation
• 18:10–22:41 | Alex Earle, ambient influencing, surveillance, production illusions
• 23:41–51:17 | Dolce & Gabbana cancellations, history of scandal, industry complicity
• 51:17–66:23 | What IS the male gaze? Pop misuse, patriarchal structure, cultural theory review
• 66:23–98:34 | Ryan Murphy's “The Beauty” – review, roast, beauty standards, missed satire
• 99:21–110:44 | Brian Johnson’s longevity erotica (dramatic reading), biohack love
• 112:35–118:21 | Influencer allyship & consumerism, anti-ICE content as hidden advertising
• 118:34–End | Wrap-up, reviews, shout-outs, conclusion

Tone and Style

As always, Mess World maintains a sarcastic, intellectual, rapid-fire tone—peppered with pop culture references, deep dives into beauty/fashion theory, roasts of industry hypocrisy, and plenty of inside-baseball shade. Both hosts blend personal anecdotes, biting cultural critique, and irreverent humor.

Useful for Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

• Episode encapsulates the shifting priorities and tactics of pop culture, beauty journalism, and influencer media in 2026.
• Delivers a detailed timeline of Dolce & Gabbana’s scandals for anyone fuzzy on why “cancellation” is ineffective.
• Presents a comprehensive, jargon-busting treatment of the “male gaze” for frustrated feminists and beauty critics.
• Provides a vicarious way to (not) experience “Longevity Erotica” and the new “beauty culture” TV without having to endure them firsthand.
• Demonstrates the inevitable encroachment of capitalism and consumer branding into every area of contemporary moral, aesthetic, and political life.

Bottom Line:
An unmissable 2026 dispatch from beauty and pop culture’s messiest, most unsparing minds—roasting trends, pulling no punches, and reading science-celibate erotica so you don’t have to.