A 2026 Rewatchables Mailbag

Summary

The Rewatchables: A 2026 Mailbag

Podcast: The Rewatchables
Host: Bill Simmons (with Chris Ryan & Craig Horlbeck)
Date: January 6, 2026

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Overview

In this special mailbag episode, Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Craig Horlbeck answer an array of listener questions and workshop new ideas for Rewatchables categories. The show explores how the concept of a "rewatchable" movie has evolved, proposes hilarious and insightful new podcast categories, debates movie endings and re-evaluates films, and shares some riotous personal and listener anecdotes.

The overall mood is light, self-deprecating, and highly engaged with the diehard movie community that The Rewatchables has cultivated over the last decade.

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Key Themes and Discussion Points

1. The Changing Nature of "Rewatchability" (Timestamp: 03:00–07:00)

• Decline of Channel Surfing:
  The hosts reflect on how streaming and YouTube have changed the concept of rewatching movies. Channel surfing is no longer the route for stumbling upon classics, as everything is now curated.

  "Now you can just watch the last big action scene from Top Gun Maverick on YouTube. The instant gratification of YouTube really changed it." – Craig (03:29)

• The "Comfort Watch" Shift:
  TV shows have replaced movies as the go-to comfort background watch:

  "I think the comfort watch has transitioned from movies to TV shows like The Office and Friends." – Chris (05:51)

• Host's Attachment to Channel Surfing:
  Bill and Craig admit they both keep cable mostly out of nostalgia for the guide/menu and the randomness it offers.

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2. New Category Proposals and Mailbag Questions

The "Watch Party" Award (07:12–09:58)

• Suggested by Listener: Ideal setting/audience for viewing a film (first date, in-laws, solo, etc.)

  "The 'Fugitive' is the perfect in-laws movie. There's action but nothing awkward." – Craig (11:41).

The Technology-Ruined Movie Category (13:00–16:33)

• Inspired by Joanna Robinson's “Would a cell phone ruin this movie?”
• Expansion: What technology (cell phones, ring cameras, internet) would unravel a classic plot?

  "The Sarah Connor award: does technology ruin this movie? Like with cell phones, Die Hard’s over in 20 minutes." – Bill (14:06)

The "Replacement Cheerleader Tryout" Scene (17:00–18:15)

• The most awkward or incongruous scene for someone to walk in on, e.g., the stripper tryouts in The Replacements, or the "He Got Game hooker scene."

"Oven Movies" and Flip-Flopping on Films (19:25–21:48)

• Hosts debate movies that improved on subsequent viewings:
  Examples: Miami Vice, Blackhat, Public Enemies, The Nice Guys.

  "Movies aren’t quite flip-flops, just ones that needed to be in the oven a while. Limitless was like this for me, too." – Bill (19:35)

The Mega-Spoiler and Lazy Movie Endings (23:01–26:56)

• Listener Question: Have classic movies like 'Heat', 'True Romance', and 'Shawshank Redemption' been brought down a notch by their "safe" endings?
• Hosts' Take:
  • True Romance originally scripted Clarence to die: “They went for a happy ending.” – Bill (26:07)
  • Shawshank’s beach reunion is holy and untouchable to Bill.

The "Earn This" Awkward Quote Award (29:35–30:10)

• For movie dialogue or lines that should have been cut or edited by a pro.

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3. Rapid-Fire Listener-Driven Category Ideas

Comedy Awards and Lighthearted Categories

• Best Hang/Worst Hang: Which character would be the best (or worst) to watch a game with? (32:33)
• Meme-Friendly Awards: (e.g., Best MCU-Style After-Credits Scene, 33:06)
• Overblown Interpretation Award: The "Robert Towne Award" for pseudo-intellectual plot analysis (58:18).

Flex Categories (Fun/Optional/Experimental)

• Phoebe Cates Award: For formative performances that “put young men through puberty” (43:29).
• The Chris Coughlin Award: “Would you throw it all away for this woman/man?” Debate for characters like Margot Robbie, Mila Kunis, Linda Fiorentino (88:26).
• Stanley Tucci Conclave Award: When did a recognizable actor take you out of a movie? (101:54)
• Dorfler’s Door (Midnight Run): How bad would that stunt/punch/kick hurt in real life? (85:22)

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4. Fun "Movie Logic" and Nitpicking

• How Movies Fall Apart with Technology:
  Hosts cite examples like the plot of The Firm or Home Alone being impossible with email and Life360 (14:36, 14:58).

• Best Accidental Comedy in Movie Logic:
  Why did Heat’s meticulous Neil McCauley trust Waingro?

  "Neil's personnel management—he picked up his getaway driver on the day of the heist! Starting to wonder if Neil had some holes in his game." – Bill (98:56)

• Mega-Nitpicks:
  Listener rants about The Hangover's wedding merchandise being turned around in under 12 hours (84:05).

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5. Memorable Moments and Quotes

• Craig on In-Law Movies:

  "Fugitive is perfect, Apollo 13 is perf." (11:41)

• Bill on Cable Nostalgia:

  "I still like going to the cable guide and zooming through..." (05:07)

• Chris on Comfort Viewing:

  "I got two hours to kill, I'm going to watch Friends or The Office." (05:51)

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6. Timestamps for Segment Highlights

• 03:09–07:00: The demise of channel surfing, the comfort of TV rewatching
• 07:12–09:58: Watch Party Award and ideal movie settings
• 13:00–16:33: Technology ruining plots, naming the “Sarah Connor” Award
• 17:00–18:15: Most awkward walk-in scenes in movies
• 19:25–21:48: “Oven” movies and personal flip-flops
• 23:01–26:56: How endings affect great movies
• 29:35–30:10: “Earn This” awkward quote award
• 32:33: Comedy “Best Hang/Worst Hang” category
• 33:06: MCU-Style after-credits movie scenes
• 43:29: Phoebe Cates puberty award
• 85:22: Dorfler’s Door: stunt pain realism
• 101:54: Stanley Tucci Conclave: most distractingly famous castings

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7. The Tone, Language, and Dynamic

The hosts are at their sarcastic, affectionate best, relishing feedback from super fans, rolling with oddball suggestions, and good-naturedly teasing each other (often at CR’s expense). Listener stories—sometimes deeply personal—are treated with equal parts ridicule and respect, keeping the episode lively and full of laugh-out-loud moments.

They also regularly quote or reference movies in the style of the podcast:

"I built this f***ing house for you, Peck walks out." – Bill (47:39, discussing Dennis Peck relationship test for The Notebook)

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Notable Listener Stories

• The “Devil Wears Nada” Incident:
  A listener breaks up with his girlfriend after she rents the porn parody "The Devil Wears Nada" instead of "Prada" and can't laugh it off (91:54).

• Road House Blind Man Skinny Dipping Conspiracy:
  Listener notices a third person sitting on the grass during Road House’s nude swimming scene, theorizes it’s the blind band member (81:56).

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Notable Quotes

• “The channel surfing part, the jumping in halfway, it’s pretty much dead now.” – Bill Simmons (04:47)
• "TV comedies have killed the comfort watch movie for young people." – Chris Ryan (05:51)
• “Limitless was fine, then five years later, I’m like, oh, Limitless.” – Bill Simmons (19:38)
• “I still have cable... it’s research.” – Bill (05:00)
• “It’s not your fault, it’s Black Hat’s fault. You need to watch it four times to fully figure out what happened.” – Bill (20:19)

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Conclusion & The Future of the Show

The episode ends with the hosts agreeing to integrate several new categories—most notably the Watch Party setup, the "technology ruins movie" category, and the 100-minute Horlbeck Scale—while keeping several new listener-inspired awards cycling through the "flex" section. They also reaffirm their commitment to deeply nerdy, affectionate movie talk and encourage continued wild and creative listener input.

“We really need people to suggest new impressions for the Wayne Jenkins spot. We need a new batch.” – Bill (105:59)

For both die-hard Rewatchables listeners and newcomers, this episode is a treasure trove of film insight, nostalgia, and riotous movie debate—a testament to why the Rewatchables remains one of pop culture’s most lively movie podcasts.

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Transcript

[Bill Simmons]

From focus features. Movies are a place of dreams. And this year, one movie captures that spirit like no other. Based on a true story. Critics hail song sung Blue is a tribute to the resilience of humanity trying to be better. Aren't we all? Hugh Jackman and Kate Hudson are electric.

[Chris Ryan]

Bad things happen.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I just want to sing and I want to shine.

[Bill Simmons]

In the best picture of the year. Song sung blue, rated PG13, may be inappropriate for children under 13 now playing only in theaters. It's a historically hideous season. It's our 100th ugly house. And if these walls could talk.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Do you cry a lot? I do.

[Bill Simmons]

Ugliest house in America. Season premiere Wednesday at 8 on HGTV. The Rewatchables, first one of 2026, brought to you by the ringer podcast network where you can find the fantasy football podcast with Craig Horlbeck.

[Chris Ryan]

Yep. Transitioning into the NFL draft off season show, but we're still going through the playoffs.

[Bill Simmons]

Awkward. We're going to talk on. You're coming on my pod because we're going to take something from my pod this week, too. We're going to talk about playoff fantasy because I have a wrinkle that I always mention and has never come on cr. Yeah, the watch Stranger things finale.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We did a little bit of that today. Yeah, we did a little heated rivalry. We did a little bit of Landman and we have a big month. The pit industry, night of the Seven Kingdoms all coming this month.

[Bill Simmons]

I saw DTF St. Louis.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

It's not out yet.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The Baitman show.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I got a stealth. Stealth viewing of that one. Landman was great.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Landman, heated rivalry.

[Bill Simmons]

My wife watched all six episodes Saturday and Sunday and was sobbing in the kitchen. I don't know what goes on in that show, but it's.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's really good.

[Bill Simmons]

You watched it?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

There's no season two, right?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, there will be a season two.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, there will be a season two dot oh, yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

There's a bunch of books. They're all based on a book series.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, great news, Craig. Heated rappers coming back.

[Chris Ryan]

Great. I did not watch it. I had to spend all my time watching the 12 hours of Stranger things, but maybe I'll watch it.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay. We're doing a mailbag. We did this at the beginning of last year. We did it at the beginning of this year as well. People sent in questions to thebrewachables33mail.com. They sent a whole bunch of good stuff. And it's coming up next. All right, these are actual questions from actual listeners. Gonna start with it's not a mailbag question, it's more of a comment. It's from Jeff Wood. Has the concept of a movie being rewatchable actually aged the worst? With streaming and cord cutting, we have lost the ability to channel surf. I wonder how many movies I would have only watched one time if I had to go to a streaming service to watch and not catch it by accident. I know I'm not jumping in at the 32 minute mark, that's for sure. Then he says, looking forward to watching Eddie and the Cruisers with you guys if it's ever on. I get this question a lot. I get it anecdotally, what does a rewatch ball mean to somebody? Craig, you're a good generation for this.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Because your generation doesn't channel surf as much as me and CRs did.

[Chris Ryan]

Not at all channel surfing now as you go, it's too curated. Now you can get anything you want. It used to be you went on cable or whatever. You're scrolling. Oh, look, A Few Good Men as on now you go to Netflix. You have 500 movies, 5,000 movies to choose from. So you never really stumble into anything anymore.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I also think YouTube killed this a little bit because now you can just watch the last big action scene from Top Gun Maverick or the bridge scene in Sicario, or the border crossing scene in Sicario, and you're not like, ooh, it's on. And I only have to wait 4, 40 minutes for that to happen. So the instant gratification of YouTube really changed it. I would say that when I am with my wife, for instance, we tend to re watch movies that we love because it's what we agree on. And I think that, like, when I'm solo, I'm like, I gotta watch something new. I gotta see something I've never seen before and keep building it out.

[Bill Simmons]

But when.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But when my wife and I are together, we'll be like, let's just put Scream on, you know, or let's just put Jurassic park on. Because we might look at our phones, but like that's.

[Bill Simmons]

But you're starting it from the beginning. And when we created Rewatchables in 2017, part of the concept was your channel surfing.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

And you come across this scene, you can't stop watching, or you see that it's coming on the cable.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You're waiting for the TNT game to start. Oh, look what's on.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah. Because this is the 10th year of the podcast, basically in 2026. We started in 2017. I'm still gonna Keep the premise. But I acknowledge that the jumping in during a movie thing is pretty hard now.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, changing the premise would be.

[Bill Simmons]

The show's gonna be new title.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Watchables.

[Bill Simmons]

Good movies. I still have cable.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Me too.

[Bill Simmons]

Cause we have spectrum for Internet. They offered cable, kept it. I like the cable guide. I got all the movies. I just charged with Spotify. Don't tell them. It's research.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It is.

[Bill Simmons]

But I still like going to the cable guide and zooming through and being like, the other day, ironically, HBO had History of the World Part 1 on a movie that I don't think has been on cable for, like, 10 years. I was like, oh. And watched the second half of that, and I don't even think I would have known it was on hbo. Max.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you not get the same feeling scrolling through Netflix and seeing what movies they have? Does that not feel the same as scrolling through cable?

[Bill Simmons]

It feels 90% the same. The difference is when we were scrolling through and saw History of the World, it was right when they were getting to France, right in the last, like, 30 minutes of the movie. And I was like, oh, my. I got to watch this. Yeah, that feeling's gone.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I will say, oh, no, you had.

[Chris Ryan]

I also just think the comfort watch has transitioned from I'm going to put on an old movie I love to I'm going to put on an old TV show I love. I think it's now because it's so easy to just, like, throw on the Office that that is kind of the go to. I got. I got two hours to kill. I'm going to watch Friends or the Office.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I will say that I'm there, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe I'm both. With TV.

[Craig Horlbeck]

When you were doing your big list.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The 50 rewatchables of the 21st century.

[Bill Simmons]

What an honor for you to be in the room for that in our no prep era.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Here again, Blind, Blind pod. I will say, do you feel like the last, like, because cable channels now, I think, are playing more movies from the last, like, 10 years, say.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And those movies tend to be, whether it's Avengers or a Gerard Butler action movie or whatever. Like, we're basically out of the era where you can randomly catch the firm. And I think that that has sort of changed a little bit of my relationship to channel surfing, to rewatch stuff is because we've now moved into this.

[Chris Ryan]

Like, it's just Winter Soldier now.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Batman versus Superman is. Is on HBO most of the day, you know.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that's one of the things that got me sucked into number 16. Limitless.

[Chris Ryan]

Iconic.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. As he's about to reduce. The pills are in the refrigerator and he's taking them. It's like, all right, this is a fun minute. It's one of the last ones of its era. All right. Brian and Albany.

[Chris Ryan]

So we're not changing the name of the show, just to be clear.

[Bill Simmons]

Not fine. Brian and Albany. He says Bill often jokes about certain films being great airplane movies. Limitless, ironically taken. Sure. There's any rom com. There's certain airplane. You have it on. You don't really want to concentrate. It's people getting up, moving around. But it's like you kind of turn your brain half off.

[Chris Ryan]

Like B tier action movies.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So he said, I think that idea should be its own category. You pick the ideal setting and audience to watch the film with. I love this.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

He said some possible options. First date, When Harry Met Sally, significant other, Fatal Attraction, Kids, Toy Story, in laws. The Fugitive, which I think is really smart. Like you're hanging out with your in laws. What are you gonna watch? Fugitive. There's no real sex. There's action. Buddy Movie, Terminator 2, Airplane Movie, Draft Day. Limitless, ironically put in there theater. Jaws, the Silence of Lambs. And then he had solo hardcore eight millimeter. Eight Millimeter parentheses. AKA the CR Special.

[Craig Horlbeck]

This guy's an Anthony. Yeah, him solo watching eight millimeter.

[Bill Simmons]

The CR Special.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Species.

[Chris Ryan]

That's a solo watch, Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, he said the category name suggestion could be the Watch Party award. Oh, I like this. I'm near at the. Maybe at the top.

[Chris Ryan]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Before we go into rewatchable categories, like, all right, Watch Party. Ideal setting for this and you kind of pick what it is.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. Kind of like after what's the ideal age to watch it? It's like what's the ideal?

[Bill Simmons]

I think this is better than ideal age, right?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Like this is the End is a buddy movie for sure. That's like my buddies are in town. We're gonna watch this is the End. I had a couple other ideas for categories though. Five o'. Clocker. My dad's thing for movies I weren't quite good enough to watch at night, but good enough when he used to come home from work and he would stop at this movie theater at 5 o' clock and it would always be like some sort of crappy action movie. The Buddies in town. This is the End. Proxy vacation is a big one where you get to go to Hawaii or Alaska or Vancouver. Where place you boys wanted to go that's just going.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Paris.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Paris. That worst Prada, Japan for Lost in transition. Ladies only. The holiday, like, we're just out. My wife's like, my friends here. We're.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We're just.

[Bill Simmons]

The holiday was on. We're just. All right, I'm going to leave Scary Movie. And then I added peanut gallery.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like regarding Henry.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, where you're yelling at the screen.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You're just making fun of it the entire movie. Like, I can't believe they did this.

[Chris Ryan]

I do think that adds to the experience. Like, I watched all of Stranger Things this break, but I watched it with like five people and it was way more fun that way. We're all kind of making jokes, throwing up.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, that's. My wife and I were doing that. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

It's so much better that way.

[Bill Simmons]

See, I tried to do that with my kids and they're like, shut up, dad. Shut up. They thought they were. You understand.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Vecna's bridging the. The under upside down.

[Bill Simmons]

They thought they were at like a Godfather 1 screening in 1972.

[Chris Ryan]

Is just a soldier now.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

For some reason.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. I like that one. We're going to add Watch Party.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Patrick Craig writes in. Hey, I'm a big fan of the show. I just finished the new mailbag episodes. This is from a long time ago. All these questions are from the last 12 months. I wanted to confirm that Monster's Ball is the worst movie to see with your parents. I saw it in the theater with my mom when it came out 23 plus years ago. I'm still scarred to this day. And we went because we Both saw ROG's four star review in the local newspaper. I was trying to think, is that the worst?

[Chris Ryan]

Is that the hallelujah Requiem for a Dream?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that was when she's. She loses her son and then she has sex with Billy Bob. They had like this crazy sex scene, right? She's like, baby feel good and she's fucking.

[Chris Ryan]

I think I've seen that in a clip somewhere.

[Bill Simmons]

But I. Yeah, yeah. This is not when you'd want to see with the in laws.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You know, there's some movies that are inappropriate to watch with your parents, but if you're young enough, like, they can be like. Don't worry about that part. I always think about the mix scene in Silence of the Lambs.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And how long it took me before I realized what was. What Migs was throwing.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, it was just the slider.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's just like a long 10 years of like.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

He just sneezed you know, I mean.

[Chris Ryan]

Over the break, we were debating watching one battle after another with my in laws. And then I was like, Sean Penn in the first 10 minutes of this, boners kind of gets a no. A no hand boner. So I don't think you can do it.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Craig's a good litmus test for this because he still hangs out with the in laws from time to time.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, like, what movies would I watch with Liz's parents? Is a big factor in what we put on a Saturday.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, the Fugitive is perfect. Apollo 13 is perf.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's like, I'm gonna say rated R. Probably out across the board if you're with in laws or like girlfriends parents.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, we've like Holdovers was a huge hit.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a good one.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Chaz Summers from Orlando, Florida.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Chaz with an S. You're fully doxing these guys. Brian and Albany is on why they.

[Bill Simmons]

Put their names in.

[Chris Ryan]

What's their email?

[Bill Simmons]

He says, tell Bill Proof of Life is from 2000. So Zodiac can replace in the top 50. This is for my rewatchables list. It actually worked out perfectly. I accidentally, somehow, Zodiac got cut out. And it was in the 30s. I was moving stuff around. I don't know how that happened. But then I did Proof of Life, which wasn't from 2001 and on.

[Chris Ryan]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought it was 2002. I fucked up.

[Craig Horlbeck]

So are you allowed?

[Bill Simmons]

Zodiac just goes to the Proof of life spot.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You're taking Proof of Life out?

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's out. It was from the wrong era.

[Chris Ryan]

So we're not including 2000s movies, but you're including Zodiac.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I accidentally left off Zodiac, which I was supposed to be in there. So I think it's just a natural thing fix.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

For the official list when it's on like basketball reference.com over at Lance Rewatchables. Rewatchable movies reference dot com.

[Chris Ryan]

But Black Hat stays.

[Bill Simmons]

Black Hat stays.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Why would there be any second guessing about that? Just wanted to throw it out there.

[Bill Simmons]

Thanks for sticking up for me, Sierra. Casey Morgan writes in I was listening to the Can't Hardly Wait Rewatchables. Joanna Robinson came up with a category. Would a cell phone ruin this movie? You should expand it to what technology ruins this movie. For example, in out of Time, a movie we have not done yet. But I know.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, out of Time. No, Denzel.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We've been following out of Time since the combine.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Great.

[Chris Ryan]

Measurable. Incredible.

[Bill Simmons]

40 times since the 8th grade AAU tournament. Falling. He said in out of Time. If Dean Cain had a ring camera, he would have known Denzel was hooking up with his lady. The ring camera probably ruins just as many cell phone movies. Should this be a category? I like it. I think it should at least be test driven. I don't know if it moves into the main, but maybe it goes into the flex. But I had a couple ideas for this. The Sarah Connor, if we wanted it needs a name. It can't just be. Would technology ruin the movie? Is it the Sarah Connor Award for. Does technology ruin this movie? She has a cell phone. They're getting a hold of her right away.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. I mean, I think cell phone Die hard is a big one. Where cell come into play for me. When I. I was thinking about the Firm is the last movie right before like file sharing or file transfers become digital. So like Dropbox entirely hinges on fax machines.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And if you just had email, like, is the Firm basically like.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We're all good. You said. You said email. Like, movies over. Yeah, movies over.

[Bill Simmons]

He's not getting chased.

[Craig Horlbeck]

A lot of movies where there's any wire fraud or, you know, across state lines transfer. And any movie where someone's like, here is a letter that explains everything that will be sent to the press in the event of my death.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Pre Internet crime changes a lot. Yeah. I mean, even home Alone. Like, if he had a phone, like, everything would have probably been fine.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And they would had him on Life360.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

He would have been fine.

[Chris Ryan]

Nothing.

[Bill Simmons]

I had two more for this though, because I want to figure out who to name it after because I like it. It'd be funny to name it after Denzel in Out of Time. A movie that anyone's fairly seen, but Sarah Connor's good. The Reggie Hammond award. We don't have a 48 hours. My favorite movie you can see was it.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Where'd it go?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, it fell underneath. It's behind Craig. 48 hours. Reggie Hammond's just gone for 12 hours in that movie. When they get separated.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

And then it turns out he's at the nightclub. He's like, I know you don't know about this. It's a popular place with the brothers. When he's talking to Jack Cates, he's at Broman's, but. But Jack can't get a hold of him for 12 hours. Cell phones now, if they have cell phones, he'd be like, where are you? Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you think they could have found Jaws? Like, would Jaws just have Been tagged in, like, drone stuff.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, any serial killer movie, probably. It's like all that stuff where it's like, this man, he wants something that he can't have, and it's like, no, he has DNA. And we would just. You know.

[Bill Simmons]

The other one I thought would be good for this is the end of goodwill hunting. Affleck sets the scene up when they're having construction. Construction. He's like, you know what the best part of my day is? Every day I walk and I go to pick you up, and I'm hoping you're not there. And so he sets it up for later when he goes to pick him up and Will's not there. And he looks through the window, and then he does that. Ben Affleck does it. Really goes for the supporting actor award. Now, he'd just be on a cell. Like, that scene would just be him on a cell. Yo, where are you?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's completely ruined.

[Chris Ryan]

You check his location, Will?

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's just like, I gotta go see about a girl.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So who. Who is this named after? Is it Sarah Connor? Is that the most obvious one?

[Chris Ryan]

It's a good one.

[Bill Simmons]

We don't have Sarah Connor in an award. Okay. Matt Katz has a new category. This is good. It ties into earlier the Replacements Cheerleader tryout award for most awkward scene to be playing when someone else walks in the room. So it's just a normal movie you're watching, but they walk in during the precise worst scene that ever could have happened. And he explains, I was watching that scene. My wife walked in without context. It's completely ridiculous. Terrible acting by the strippers. Sudden random 90 music. My wife looked confused, then backed away and slowly exited.

[Chris Ryan]

We could also call this the Because I did this, the Poor Things worst movie to watch on a plane award.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I watched Poor Things on a Plane. I kind of knew what I was getting into, but not fully. Every single scene of Poor Things is probably the worst time to walk into it. But this is a great category.

[Bill Simmons]

He also suggested the domestic abuse scene in the Godfather. Or Will hunting on the couch pretending is molested. I was thinking somebody just walks into that. What are you watching? But I wanted to name this one. Maybe it sticks with replacement cheerleaders. But I wanted the He Got Game hooker award. He Got Game is just going great. And then there's the five minute crazy hooker scene.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

So you're talking about more of like an incongruous, like, you're soloing. Right. But like, the scene, it shouldn't be like, oh, somebody walks in, right. At the car accident in heredity. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Is it this. This scene is not represented.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

So it's not just inappropriate, but the.

[Bill Simmons]

Car accident hereditary is appropriate for the movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's what I'm saying. And also if somebody walks in and they're like, oh my God, is the car accident about to happen? Then you know, you found your life partner, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's like the he got game hooker scene kind of that's good level thing. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe we get some ideas from, from the listeners for that. But how about the Replacements Cheerleader tryout's pretty good. Anyway, Good idea. Daniel writes in. I reread your original Miami Vice review for page two. I actually went up and looked at this after he wrote it. I wrote. I did a summer movie article for page two in 2006. I wrote about like five movies. You gave it a C and called it a sleek, humorless, dreary cop movie with no real connection to the TV show. You also wrote that Jamie Foxx has no chemistry with Colin Farrell at all. To the point that every time Foxx looks at him, you could almost see him thinking, wow, I can't believe the guy made it to the set today. The last time I saw him, it was 5am and he was shotgunning a bottle of Bush Mills and snorting blow off one of the extras. What a waste of Jamie. This is still me, right? What a waste of Jamie Foxx. It's unbelievable. Then he says, now you love this movie. I'm not even making fun of you for this. Just curious. Have you ever had a bigger flip flop on a movie? We talked about this when we did the pod. Yes, and also I didn't like it for eight years.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, you're not running for Congress. You're allowed to change your mind about this, you know.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, it did make me think, like movies, they're not quite flip flops. They're more movies that just need.

[Craig Horlbeck]

They evolve.

[Bill Simmons]

Seem to be in the oven for a while. Because Limitless was like this for me too.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought Limitless was fine. And then about five years later, I'm like, oh, Limitless. But Miami Vice is number one for me.

[Chris Ryan]

It goes back to you talking about how we don't rewatch movies anymore. Now it's kind of just your first impression of the movie is kind of your only impression of the movie because you're not just flipping through cable and you're like, oh, Limitless. I'll give that another Shot. You don't really do that anymore.

[Bill Simmons]

No.

[Chris Ryan]

So it's tough. This could be a whole month on the rewatchables. Movies that I. That I didn't like at first, movies.

[Bill Simmons]

That stayed in the oven for me. I had three more for me.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oven movies.

[Bill Simmons]

Black Hat. Yeah. Yeah, Black Hat. We've made the case we saw in.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The theater, and we were like, man, I don't know about that one. You know? And then I think over, like, multiple viewings, it's really emerged.

[Bill Simmons]

This was the case we made to Sean. It's not your fault. It's Black Cat's fault. Because you just need to watch it four times to fully figure out what happened.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think the first time we saw it, I don't know if we understood more than 30% of the dialogue.

[Bill Simmons]

No, I didn't understand it till my fifth viewing. I also had Miami Vice, Black Cat, this is the end. I liked it the first time, but the third time, it was really when it kicked in. And then the other one, we haven't done the rewatchables, but it's on the list is Public Enemies.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And I don't know why I didn't like it that much the first time I saw it, but I think that movie's really good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's not dissimilar to Black Hat in that there's a little bit of, like, a. What?

[Bill Simmons]

What?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Because they're both kind of mumbling throughout the movie. So there's a lot of, like, wait, what did he say? Stuff going on. I just. It's also. When you first see Public Enemies, you're like, the music is pretty, like, jarring. Because it's pretty. It's pretty rock for a 1930s movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But, yeah, that's definitely.

[Bill Simmons]

So what's your number one movie you changed your mind on over the years?

[Chris Ryan]

The movie. The Nice Guys went from like, all right, to now. One of my favorite movies.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's a really good movie. Yeah, both guys movies. Because I feel that way about the other guys, too. Oh, yeah, the other guys. I was like, yeah, it's fine.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And now I think it's really good, and I actively seek it out.

[Chris Ryan]

There's a lot. There's a lot of comedies now that. Because there's been such a dry spell of comedies, I now go back to movies like Neighbors. I'm like, yeah, I like Neighbors a lot more now, actually.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Funny People was another one for me where I was disappointed by the last 40 minutes. We talked about it in the top 50.

[Chris Ryan]

Even Booksmart I go back and I'm like, you know what? Booksmart was pretty good. I like Booksmar.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm trying to think of one that's like, a little bit more underrated. But yeah, I mean, Nice Guys is a perfect example of a movie that I was really hyped for. Felt a little let down by when I first saw and now has become one of my favorite movies of the. Of the last 25 years.

[Bill Simmons]

I almost wrote down Black Rain for this, but then I kind of went back into my brain when I first saw Black Rain. I was like, no, no. I actually thought that was fucking awesome.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What's up, Black Rain? Andy Garcia's head got chopped off by a machete. By a guy on a motorcycle. Spoiler. He got beheaded. It's at the 45 minute mark. That movie's amazing. All right, next one's from David Snow. The endings of movies are often this one. By the way, buckle up for this one.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, I have one. The one. Shutter Island. Shutter Island. The first time I saw it, I was like, that was cool, but kind of dreary. And it's way better A, when you know the twist, and B, when you're like, I'm fucking going to Shutter Island.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, interesting. I've never seen it, and the reason why is because somebody spotted spoiled it for me. And I was like, I don't how good can be if you know the twitch.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's awesome.

[Bill Simmons]

What was the best movie ever spoiled for anybody.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I spoiled something. What did I spoil for Maze in a blog post by accident?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, oh.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Cabin in the Woods. I like. I like spoiled Cabin in the woods for all Grantland readers who hadn't seen it.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow. Do you have a good spoiler?

[Chris Ryan]

College professor spoiled the Sixth Sense for me, which fucking sucked. But I've never.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a really tough one.

[Chris Ryan]

And since then, I've always kind of tried my best. It's impossible. Also, that's another problem. Now, if a movie came out 10, 15, 20 years ago, there is no way anybody could go into it now for the first time without knowing a major spoiler.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, half the articles on the Internet right now are, we need to talk about the ending of a movie that is playing in two cities.

[Bill Simmons]

I saw the last minute of Eddie and the Cruisers accidentally before I saw the movie. So I always knew what the ending was.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Right?

[Bill Simmons]

But my best spoiler ever was, I've told this story, but Jacko, my buddy Jacko, my college roommate, we were at, I think it was like New Year's Eve 1990. 5. And he was giving me shit. He was pissing me off. And I got mad. I was like, kaiser Soze is Kevin Spacey. And he was like, what?

[Craig Horlbeck]

What the fuck?

[Bill Simmons]

And I just completely ruined the movie for him. I forget what he said. I think he made fun of the Red Sox. It was something mean spirited.

[Chris Ryan]

Also, things get memed so quickly now. Like, if you don't see a movie in the first two, know half the things that happened.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that is true. David Snell writes in this is a buckle upper. The endings of movies are often pretty lazy, cliched. In Heat, Pacino should die and De Niro should live. Just throws that out.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

Then it's a 10 out of 10 movie. In true Romance, Clarence should die. Then it's a 10 out of 10. Well, in Shawshank Redemption, it should end with red under the tree. Then it's a 10 out of 10. Not a 9 out of 5. 9.5. Movie producers and test audiences have too much influence. Pacino should die and De Niro should live. Did we ever really go down this rabbit hole?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, I think that De Niro dies because he doesn't adhere to his own code, right? Like, he lets his emotions get the better of him. What goes back for Waingro is concerned about getting Ed out of town, and that's why he fails. Whereas Pacino, you know, saves Natalie Portman, but still is hunting for De Niro.

[Bill Simmons]

I think you could argue if you flip it, Pacino dies because he couldn't give up the rush of chasing after guys like Neil. Neil gets away, but he loses this one thing that would have been the love of his life. Now he's back to. His whole life is just about the heat being around the corner. It's interesting, but it should have done an alternate ending just to fuck with us. Just put it on YouTube. 15 minutes.

[Chris Ryan]

But is the complaint that, like, narratively this was wrong for the movie, or is this guy just bummed that De Niro dies because he's cool?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I think that. But that's why this is kind of stupid. What's not stupid is Clarence dying in True Romance. I think.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Well, that wasn't. That was a script, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, and I think they changed it because I can't remember the reason we covered this when we did the pod.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think that they were. It was just Tony Scott was like, we got to give people a happy ending here. It's not Reservoir Dogs.

[Bill Simmons]

The Shawshank Redemption is ridiculous.

[Craig Horlbeck]

So is this.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm completely outraged. And anyone thinks that should end with red under the tree.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think it's an interesting question with the wrong examples. It's an interesting question about movies that are almost perfect or really, really great that get knocked down a spot or.

[Bill Simmons]

Two because they took the easy way.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Out or because this happens a lot with horror and sci fi where it asks a bunch of questions for the 75% of the movie. When it has to answer them, it kind of flails around a little bit. Like a really good example of this is this Danny Boyle movie Sunshine, which has like three or four of the best scenes of any sci fi movie you'll see outside of 2001. And then an ending that makes no sense and is basically like a slasher.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. It's just like, does it stick the landing? It's really hard for horror. Or it's like the show Lost. It's like you can ask all these amazing questions. Then it's like, can you really answer all of them? Yeah, like, I'm not a horror guy, but one of my favorite movies growing up and I watched a ton of times is Signs. The ending of Signs, you know they're allergic to water, is kind of one of the biggest letdowns, I think. So maybe that's the category. It's like fumbled it at the one yard line.

[Craig Horlbeck]

There's also with the big franchise movies now, they end five times. So like the last movie of a. Of a trilogy or a franchise, like, you know, Return of the King is a good, great movie, but Return of the King ends for like 40 minutes.

[Chris Ryan]

It does, yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Dark Knight Rises I feel like, has a bunch of endings, kind of.

[Chris Ryan]

I just watched Lord of the Rings for the first time this break.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Did you really?

[Chris Ryan]

All three of them?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Did you like them?

[Chris Ryan]

I did, yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

They're pretty good.

[Chris Ryan]

Have you seen them?

[Bill Simmons]

No.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Watch them on your flight to Japan.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I'll get on it. I wrote down that this could be the let JP win the final F1 race award because we just talked about that.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It could be called the Clarence Worley should have Died award. Or it could have been called the Liam Neeson's Daughter should have Just Become a Saudi Arabian Heroine Horror award for Taken. Like, he just never finds her. She just passed for the next 10 years.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Heroin captured by the Saudi Arabia.

[Bill Simmons]

Whatever it was.

[Chris Ryan]

Saudi Arabian heroin whore.

[Bill Simmons]

I like the Clarence Worley award, though.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

Because I think that's a really good topic about whether he should have died or not. So I don't know. I'll put it in the flex. We're gonna Take a break and then we'll do the next batch. Starting a business can seem like a daunting task unless you have a partner like Shopify. They have the tools you need to start and grow your business. From designing a website to marketing, to selling and beyond, Shopify can help with everything you need. There's a reason millions of companies like Mattel Heinz and Allbirds continue to trust and use them. With Shopify on your side, turn your big business idea into sign up for your $1 per month [e-mail] specialoffer all right, next email is from Bo in San Francisco. Spells it B. Okay, Some people do the B A U, the French spelling. Other people just go B O. I don't know. What would you do if you had a son named Bo? Would you go the B O or would you do the B E?

[Chris Ryan]

I think I'd probably go B O. Even though B E a U is definitely fancier.

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, I.

[Bill Simmons]

Wait, Bo Hor's a strong name.

[Chris Ryan]

Bo Hor. I think he goes boho. I don't know if that plays.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's probably not good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Bo Jackson. Bo Nicks.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, Bo is pretty good.

[Bill Simmons]

Anyway, Bo says was rejaming the Saving Private Ryan episode earlier. I guess that was the rewatch we did.

[Chris Ryan]

Re was rejamming it.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The rejammables.

[Bill Simmons]

He wanted to throw out a suggestion for a subcategory. The earn this award for awkward movie quote that should have been vetted by William Goldman first. So just like a really bad quote from a movie that we're like, ah, somebody. The producers needed to step in. I don't mind it. I was thinking, way to go, Paula. Way to go. That would have been a good earn this award. But I couldn't think of any other ones of just terrible quotes of movies. Anyway, keep moving, Mitchob. He suggests the was it over when the Germans bomb Pearl harbor award for when Bill messes up a name or a quote, but everyone is just like, forget it. He's on a roll. It's pretty good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Did you say the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. Well, that's Belushi says that was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

[Chris Ryan]

That's good.

[Bill Simmons]

That's pretty good. Really weird email from Chris L. He said, y' all need to do a demolition man episode. It was a TBS TNT staple growing up. I probably watched it way too young. In first grade, my teacher was obsessed with penguins. Everyone in her class had to create their own Penguin alter ego for the year. What? I went with a rock hopper penguin dressed as Simon Phoenix. Simon has bleached blonde hair, rockhoppers have yellow feathers. I don't know what's going on right now. I was proud of this thing. Walked to the front of the class, presented it and got absolutely nothing. No laughs, no nods, no recognition. Just a room full of blank six year old stairs. At the time I was crushed. Don't crush me a second time. Put Demolition man on the schedule.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That seemed more like he wanted to tell that story. And then put Demolition man and Request in there.

[Bill Simmons]

So you think Chris L. Made it up?

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, I mean that sounds pretty specific. I don't know how you pretty young.

[Bill Simmons]

To watch Demolition Man.

[Chris Ryan]

I've never seen it.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean I did show my son Halloween when he was like five but maybe not want to judge here but anyway Demolition man has kind of been in the mix.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think it's you're going to make your way through the Sylvester Stallone film.

[Bill Simmons]

I was thinking it's at some point you got to pad Stallone stats a little bit like Matt Stafford yesterday. Like he needs two more touchdowns, right? I know we're on the one yard line but maybe we could run a.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Couple you or don't care about the NFL MVP award.

[Bill Simmons]

I just think it's now become a logic test.

[Chris Ryan]

So you think putting up stats against easy opponents should not be counted towards an mvp?

[Bill Simmons]

I just think they were chasing the MVP yesterday. Playing three win Arizona. This is a great one. It's from Zach. He left no other information. It's just Zach could be probably Zach love category idea Best hang. Worst hang. Pick a category from the movie who would be best hang and worst hang or best hang or worst hang. For example Hereditary Charlie would probably be a pretty bad hang. Yeah, making that clicky noise with their tongue. Constantly decorating roadkill while you're trying to watch the game. Dietary restrictions and negligence means you're probably running to the hospital after she takes a handful of peanuts while watching a Nuggets game payment.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Game payment. The King of Hell trying to watch Aaron Gordon. God damn it.

[Bill Simmons]

Jesus. You're overdosing again. Payman. The King of hell would be a good hang. Would have some surefire betting tips, some cool stories about people that help him and he wears the crowd.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay, so we have to nominate Best hanging. Worst hang of every movie.

[Bill Simmons]

I like that.

[Chris Ryan]

That's good.

[Bill Simmons]

I think it could be a flack if there was a movie in the.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Huge Avalanche fan loves the abs.

[Bill Simmons]

Loves when guys mix it up. I don't mind. Best Tang, worst thing.

[Chris Ryan]

No, it's good.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that could go in the fucks at least.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

This is great. Chris T. Said, new category. If this film had an after credit scene like the mcu, what would it be? You'd need to start off with at least a suggestion of Heat's after credit scene. Thank you for the years of entertainment. So I wrote some stuff down for Heat and then you feel free to add Vincent Hannah was divorced three more times and died after his nasal cavity cabbed in for too much cocaine. That was one.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, wait, so you're doing like the title card, like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, the ritual.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Edie used Neil's Money to launch AbeBooks.com.

[Chris Ryan]

Edie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Chris was murdered by gamblers after losing a Vikings tease in the Gary Anderson game in 1998. And then Kelso became a billionaire when he created Reddit. Yeah, because it's all out there.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's all out there. It's got to grab it.

[Bill Simmons]

But I would totally have watched the Heat after credits.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, in the typical MCU one, it's either teasing a sequel or it's some sort of like, lighthearted. Like we're all just eating after this crazy moment.

[Chris Ryan]

It's basically what happens the next day. But as a scene or like, I.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Would like to see John McClane and Holly MacLaine instantly start fighting like five minutes after he saved her.

[Bill Simmons]

So that would be the MCU after credits, just an extra scene.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. No, it's.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's either.

[Bill Simmons]

It's not like, here's what happened.

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, it's a tease for the next movie. Or it's like we're just having Euros now because we just saved the world.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Like the end of every Arrested Development episode kind of did this. They would do like a little closing tease or joke for the next episode, kind of.

[Bill Simmons]

Should we start doing that?

[Chris Ryan]

I would.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm not against.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Should we start doing that for Rewatch Was like the Rewatch was ends and then.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, then it's just like a cold exit. Yeah, I like that.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll work on that one. What were you going to say?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, I just would. I. I'm. I'm pretty into every time a movie ends when it's just like title card with this person went on to do this.

[Bill Simmons]

That's what I thought that was. Yeah. That's like stripes.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

When they go through all the people in stripes. But that's like an 80s open little doms. Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

They usually only do it for, like, True Stories now, where they actually tell you, like, what ended up happening to Billy Bean and Moneyball.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Perry McD had a question about the sure thing. He said the most obvious, unanswerable question is, what was the sure thing doing as Gib made his way across cross country? Fair point.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's really good question.

[Bill Simmons]

Smoking hot lady waiting for two weeks for this guy to cross country.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But I came up with an even better question after listening close to the closing dialogue on my 73rd viewing. Did gib actually sleep with the sure thing? After the professor reads his essay, which is not given as having to be completely factual. Allison said you didn't sleep with her. Gibb said, you still seeing Jason? We broke up. That's too bad. You didn't sleep with her? Gibbs says she wasn't my type. Notice that he never says no. It's not a no evidence for Gibbs sleeping earlier. She was every man's type. You're not backing down after cross country. And you just saw the girl you loved go off with her boyfriend who ostensibly have sex and they had no chance. It's a good one. I actually think. I would say it's 55, 45. He probably had sex with her and then was just never going to tell her. Never going to tell.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm trying to think of other movies that have ambiguous conclusions like that because, like.

[Bill Simmons]

But did you feel like. I've seen that movie a million times. That never occurred to me.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I never thought. I never thought Gibbs.

[Bill Simmons]

That he actually did have sex with her. I never thought he slept with her.

[Craig Horlbeck]

If anything, I think Gibb was a virgin, which he says he's not. He says he's had sex with, like, six people. But I, I, if anything, I thought he was, like. That was driving all this anxiety.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. The heart of the movie leads you to believe there's no way he does that. But he's in that really cool room surrounded by beer. Empty beer bottles. You know what I mean?

[Bill Simmons]

Craig's favorite rewatchable 2025.

[Chris Ryan]

Love that movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What did you list? You tweeted a list. You had a couple that you loved.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure thing. The Sunset Sunrise duo.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Craig's a sensitive guy.

[Chris Ryan]

Most bizarre with species. But I enjoyed it. Blue Chips.

[Bill Simmons]

You love Species.

[Chris Ryan]

Love Species.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Blue Chips.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Good hang or bad hang? The Species woman.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The actual Natasha Henstridge.

[Chris Ryan]

No, no, the character.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh.

[Chris Ryan]

Where's she?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think if you can keep her.

[Chris Ryan]

If you can keep her calm without.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Her, like, biological imperative kicking in. I think she's probably a really good hang.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, certainly not opposed to partying in a bar.

[Craig Horlbeck]

She loves chocolate pudding. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Could you have tricked her into wearing a condom? And she would think, like, why am I. Why am I not getting pregnant? So she wouldn't kill you yet because you haven't inseminated her. Like, if you just wore a condom and had sex with her of a couple. Couple times, maybe she would have no idea.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow, that's a great idea.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Well, what is it isn't she aware of?

[Bill Simmons]

She knew right away that she was inseminated.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Because she was like, it's happening.

[Chris Ryan]

But if she finds her, if you figure out that you're her dream partner, you put on a condom, tell her this will help.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Do you really want to be the guy who's been lying to her, though?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Do you think that she would ever rest?

[Bill Simmons]

I think the guy is dying at some point after the encounter. Yeah. It's just a.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The guy, the LA Club guy, was he have diabetes or something? Is that why she kills him?

[Chris Ryan]

She can sense it, but yeah, it's insensitive.

[Bill Simmons]

Tough fee for diabetes.

[Chris Ryan]

It really is.

[Bill Simmons]

Jonathan G in New Jersey.

[Chris Ryan]

It would have been funny if he was like a Jets fan. And she's like, no.

[Craig Horlbeck]

She'S.

[Chris Ryan]

She's making out with him and sees a Jets poster behind him. She's like.

[Craig Horlbeck]

She looks at his Twitter and he's just like, we got to keep Aaron.

[Bill Simmons]

Glenn, do you see Todd McShay who does stuff with us at the Ringer? He had a whole thing today about how Dante Moore should not come out if it's the Jets.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I kind of think that nobody in.

[Bill Simmons]

The draft should want to play for the Jets. Just like shots fired at fantasy. He's just sitting here after holiday having a great time, getting ready to do movies. Have you not. Oh, this is from Jonathan G. In New Jersey. How have you not done an episode of the Unwatchables yet? Like the Rewatchables, but for awful movies, categories would be parallel opposites. For example, most unwatchable sequence. What's age? The worst. I guess those would stay the same. Bradley Beal Award for which actor just wanted to keep getting them checks? The George Lucas Award for milking a prequel or a sequel. The Jake de Lome Award for character which ruined every scene. They were in the universe that the unwaiters were just fucking drive by shooting at Jake. I'm sure you'll come up with many more. We need this so badly. For Caligula, I was thinking, who lost the movie is funny. And then would this movie have been better or worse? Would this movie have been worse with Ryan Reynolds or Adam Driver?

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's a very you way of looking at it though. I like Adam Driver.

[Bill Simmons]

Adam Driver, the king of movies that make no movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, I like Adam Driver, but Adam Driver rules.

[Bill Simmons]

Hey, win some games. I'm a win loss record guy. Couple wins in there.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Ryan Reynolds and who then you like Ryan Reynolds too?

[Chris Ryan]

I don't know, I. I don't like modern Ryan Reynolds. But look, when Deadpool came out, did I like it? Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, well who would be the. Would this movie have been worse with blank or blank?

[Chris Ryan]

This is tough. This is brutal.

[Bill Simmons]

Chris is like, I don't know. I have so many friends in the industry.

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, that's not what I'm trying to think of. I'm trying to think of like what? Well, somebody who turns me off to a movie.

[Chris Ryan]

This is so. Is it like the Rock and someone else?

[Bill Simmons]

The Rock's good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, the Rock.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, the Rock's good.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like the Rock.

[Bill Simmons]

Would this mov been the worst with the Rock or Vin Diesel?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's just fast six regarding Henry. Really good email from Samuel Kaplan says first my son and I really love the show Shout out to the Kaplan boys. For several years we've had a traditional listening to it while we get bagels on the weekend and most other times when we were driving, just the two of us.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's nice.

[Bill Simmons]

Love the father. Son bonding. Wanted to express our appreciation. Thank you. Second wanted to suggest two categories. One is the Mark Holton hey, it's Enrico Palazzo award for the best contribution by a performer with two or fewer lines.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, that's good. Yeah, man.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that goes in flex and we just keep an eye on it for a while.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's like, it's whatever. What's a. Is that like a smaller. Even a smaller Dion waiters contribution?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, well, I remember when we.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think I did this award like.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I'd like the Enrique hey, it's Enrico Palazzo award because that guy had one line and it's the funniest line in the whole movie. So I think there's something there with that. And then he had. Oh, C.R. is going to fucking love this one. The other is the Rick Cecchetti Guard Meat award for the most memorable death by a security guard or other bystander who the movie treats as inconsequential but who probably had a spouse and kids who loved him.

[Chris Ryan]

What movies? Oh, My God.

[Bill Simmons]

So he's the guy. Carl kills the security guard to distract him from the Lakers game. They're like, hey, what about the Laker and Die Hard? He's like, hey, what's going on in the Lakers game? That guy has two lives just get murdered.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Kareem Too worthy. Two points.

[Chris Ryan]

That's a really good one.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's really good. He probably had a spouse of kids who loved him.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The. The last couple of Stranger things. There's like 160 US military people are murdered by children and it's. There's no remarks upon them whatsoever.

[Bill Simmons]

No feudal.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's like the worst military days in Shiloh.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And they're just like, yeah, a lot of questions about that.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to put both of those in flex.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's a good one.

[Bill Simmons]

Mark Johnson said, I was listening to the Speed episode the other day and noticed toward the end you basically spelled out the plot of the Hunt. I think the writers were listening. I don't know if this has already been pointed out to you, but you might be doing some royalties. I have no recollection of this.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The Hunt.

[Bill Simmons]

Apparently the movie the Hunt that came out in 2020. We gave the exact premise during the Speed. Rewatchable speed. Yeah, we did speed. Like the. It was like the first 10.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm trying to even make the connection of how like we would have had.

[Bill Simmons]

Like I did. We must have gone on a tangent and come up with some sort of idea.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, wow.

[Bill Simmons]

And then three years later, the Hunt. I don't know if I did that, but I know I created the Purge. Yes, the Purge I created. I know for a fact. Never cut it in the world.

[Chris Ryan]

When did you create the Purge?

[Bill Simmons]

Kevin Wilds and I, I had this idea for. For called Leap Year where every four years there are no laws or rules.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Two years later, the Purge happened. Coincidence.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Did they ever do it?

[Chris Ryan]

Purge, leap year is that.

[Bill Simmons]

See if they did that, that, that, then it's like, now I can sue.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

New category from Peter DeWolf. The Phoebe Cates Single Handedly Putting Young Men Through Puberty award. Other winner, Lesha Kupert and the Girl Next Door. And I wrote down Apollonia, Linda Hamilton, Shannon Tweed and Halle Berry would be four other ones. I really like this. I'm putting this in Flex.

[Craig Horlbeck]

My personal would be Sharon Stone and Basic Instinct.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's some good ones.

[Chris Ryan]

Margot Robbie Wolf, Wall Street.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. We're gonna keep an eye on this category. We'll start following it in the A tournament. See if there's something special there. It's a long email from Nicole Dave, but I'm doing it for Mallory because she listened to the Witness rewatchables and had to share this story. She was a sophomore at Harvard in 1995-96 range Harrison Ford coming to campus because he won The Hasty Pudding guy in my dorm is on the stage crew invited me to go to his date. Big Harrison Ford fan, blah blah blah. I'm walking in the after party after the Hasty Pudding show. Who should be walking in right at the same time as me, but Harrison Ford?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay, starts off well.

[Bill Simmons]

It's super loud, so I go up to him and lean toward him and say, Mr. Ford, you're the cutest carpenter since Jesus. He can't hear what I say, so he leans into me and puts his hand on the small of my back parentheses. I'm literally dying thinking about it again, hence the all caps, and says, excuse me. So I lean toward his ear again and say again, you're the cutest carpenter since Jesus. And with his hand still on the small of my back, all caps, he gives me that Harrison Ford smile and says, aw, you're sweet. And walks away. And then she writes, greatest moment of my life. Second only to my kids being born. And now that I know he was a legendary stick man, I can't believe what I missed out on. Smiley face. Huge fan of the show. Just a great email from the Cold.

[Craig Horlbeck]

D. This should be your move at Staples next time you go to a Lakers game and somebody's like, swallow the.

[Bill Simmons]

Bat, go right for the small, and.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Then just go, you're cute.

[Bill Simmons]

He's like, I can't wait till Matt earlier hears that. All right, these are great. This is from Todd Conrad. This might be the best email of the bunch. He has Category ideas Buckle up. CR the Dennis Peck Relationship Test Award. The ultimate fidelity test between your movie's romantic leads, Captured by Richard Gere's own Dennis Peck from Internal Affairs. Sure, John McClane might be able to hold on to Holly no matter what, but Dennis Peck is Sally when Harry Burns is at work. On a scale of no thanks to I'm gonna teach your wife how to come, we assess just how strong our romantic leads would realistically be when faced with the Peck test, but we gotta.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Do it for stuff like Before Sunrise.

[Bill Simmons]

Don't leave her alone with that effect.

[Craig Horlbeck]

If Julie Delphy runs into Richard Gere while Ethan Hawke is getting coffee.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I love the pec test so much. That's a. That's just great. And he keeps Going the Bill Paxton game over man, Game over award for best hysterical outburst.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's from Aliens, which we have done.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I gotta say, Bill Paxton is the most suggested. Can you name a category after Bill Paxton Actor? I think he's just absolutely the most beloved non A plus lister.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, absolutely.

[Bill Simmons]

In Rewatchable's history. People love him. And then the this looks like X location, but was definitely shot in Long Beach Location scout award. And he writes, as a Long beach resident. I'm tired of my beloved city being treated like Hollywood's side piece. Blocking off our streets without getting their flowers gone in 60 seconds. Lethal weapon anchorman lists a whole bunch of movies. It's Todd Conrad, the Dennis Peck relationship test. I can't wait. Next time we do a rom com, we're bringing Dennis.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm just like running through, like, Dennis Peck and Royal Tenenbaums.

[Chris Ryan]

The Notebook. He shows up.

[Bill Simmons]

Notebook's over. 40 minutes. This is fucking.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Gosling gets back and it's like Dennis Peck is.

[Chris Ryan]

I built this fucking house for you. Peck walks out.

[Bill Simmons]

Josh in Atlanta, he said, I think the best case for Cruise being able to do Before Sunrise because we argued about that other Cruise could have been Before Sunrise. He says, Vanilla Sky. There's the crucial scene early in the movie where he meets Penelope Cruz's character at a party. Stays up all night falling in love with her at the airport, doesn't sleep with her. He's so charismatic, and it's unlike any other romantic scene featuring him I can think of. So Cruz gets my vote. That's a really good point. Cruz is really good in that Vanilla sky stretch where it's the most rom comy he is in a movie other than Jerry Maguire. And then Jerry Maguire is playing a maniac.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, but yeah, I mean, I think.

[Bill Simmons]

He'S young and risky business, but yeah. So that's a change. Your change. Your vote for Before Sunrise.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I don't remember what my vote was.

[Bill Simmons]

I think we settled on Hanks.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, in that sense, yeah, I think Hanks, but I. It definitely is. Is worth thinking about. Vanilla Sky's a An Outlier.

[Bill Simmons]

Caden D gives two category ideas that could pop up in the Flex section. The first is basically the Anti Coach Finstock award. I call it the Mr. Miyagi that advice actually sucks ass award for worst life lesson. For advice that everyone in the movie takes at face value. That sucks. He said, I feel pretty confident if my training consisted of wax on, wax off, and I got in a fight, I would be brutally waxed off.

[Chris Ryan]

In.

[Craig Horlbeck]

A lot of Ways have nothing in your life that you can't leave in 30 seconds is terrible advice and gets one of those guys killed.

[Bill Simmons]

What is Finstock's actual advice he has in Teen Wolf? He says, isn't it like, you have.

[Chris Ryan]

To get 12 hours of sleep?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Don't play cards with anybody who has a tattoo of a deck on their hand or.

[Chris Ryan]

No. Who's named after a city or named after a city.

[Bill Simmons]

And then that's actually whatever the three were. So I think my suggestion is we tweet that to the. The Coach Finstock Mr. Miyagi Award for best or worst advice.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

And then we could do worst advice in that category as well. I think that could. Don't walk away from anything. You can't leave in 30 seconds. Meanwhile, like, Neil is like, Val Kilmer gets shot. Neil's like, I gotta go back and save.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like, I thought you could walk away from 30 seconds except for your buddy. Then he said the other one. This is great. So again, this is Kaden D. The second category suggestion. The Indiana Jones why is everyone ignoring the fact that this guy definitely smells like wide open AC Award for the person in the movie who stinks as it conspicuously goes along and unnoticed. And he says watching Raiders again, Marion is totally down to hook up with India on the ship after they leave Egypt. Why? He's filthy. He's been shot at, chased, live in the desert, abandoned a tomb covered in gasoline, sweaty as hell, no luggage beyond his satchel. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his satchel exclusively has changes of underwear, this dude still smells like wide open eyes.

[Craig Horlbeck]

This is still like the 1930s or 40s then.

[Bill Simmons]

So, yeah, Marian's just like, what the hell? I'm in. In what world? So I feel like in the 1900s and even pre1950s, I think body odor was much more accepted and appreciated.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, yeah. I think it's probably like a. You're just nose blind. You know what I mean?

[Bill Simmons]

Everyone's stung. Like, Napoleon used to tell his ladies, like, don't shower for three weeks before I'm back from war and shit like that. He did? Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Where'd you pull that one from?

[Bill Simmons]

That's my Napoleon guy.

[Craig Horlbeck]

What are you a Napoleon guy?

[Bill Simmons]

My mom told me that once, and it stuck with me for some reason.

[Chris Ryan]

Interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

She loves Napole. But I was thinking you never forgot it. This is. I think this is.

[Chris Ryan]

So Napoleon kind of popularized that kink.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't. I think body odor. People were just fine with people being stinky. Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And then you switch when you watch Unforgiven, like, there's no. Those guys had, like, one bath a month. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well.

[Chris Ryan]

So I was thinking everybody in Tombstone.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Reeked, but in the modern era, a little different. Your nose palate's a little more sensitive. Could this be the David Morrison Proof of Life Award?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, right.

[Bill Simmons]

They rescue him at the end of Proof of Life. Meg Ryan's husband, even though she's sleeping with Russell Crowe. Even though we don't see the scene, but we know it. And she sees him at the end. She's hugging him. He's been in a fucking. What? Venezuelan jungle for, like, two months. We're in the same clothes. He's got an absolutely stink.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So wouldn't it be like, hey, good to see you.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Let's get you washed up.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, let's do. And I'll give you a hug later after your shower.

[Chris Ryan]

Is that movie? Is it Venezuela?

[Bill Simmons]

Columbia.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Columbia, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Columbia. Whatever it is, I've only seen it 20 times. I don't know where it's located. I'm gonna put that in the Flex, though. Test it out. Okay. Kyler. This is Craig's big award. Kyler. Dennis. I sent this to Craig in advance. I know you guys are always kicking around new category ideas in honor of Craig Horlbeck's love of shorter movies. I love that sign near Epitaph. What's that? What are your fantasy football things on your epitaph? What are your things that you're just like, I'm in on? Blank. Anything.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Aaron Rodgers.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, receiver Aaron Rodgers. Who else?

[Chris Ryan]

Guys that I'm just always in on.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Or qualities, traits, things I like guys.

[Chris Ryan]

Who are freak athletes who run a slow 40. I always want to bet on those guys.

[Bill Simmons]

There you go. Well, he calls this Craig Horbeck Century Club Award. Would this movie be better if it was 100 minutes?

[Chris Ryan]

The answer is yes to most movies.

[Bill Simmons]

He said the category works in three ways. Movies that, like After Hours, that come in right at 97 minutes, so they automatically qualify. Movies too long, that could be better if you cut them down to 100 minutes. Like Blues Brothers was 133 minutes. Replacements 118. Or movies too Short. Sometimes you'll say, I actually could have used a couple more scenes. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Like Truman show. I thought 10 more minutes.

[Bill Simmons]

Halloween four. 88 minutes.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Big Daddy 93.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure thing. I could have had 10 more minutes of sure thing.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Could have used a lot more Halloween for you.

[Bill Simmons]

So I. I'm gonna workshop what he Said there. If everything is based off the Horlbeck scale of 100 minutes, well, it's like too short. Too long.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Just right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So you Horback scale. If something's 93, but you thought it should have been 98. Like Horback scale. I would have gone plus 5 on that.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. It's more for movies like Tin cup that are 2 hours and 15 minutes and need could be 100.

[Bill Simmons]

Horback scale minus 28.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Have you seen anything recently in theaters that you were like, that was just 15 minutes too long.

[Chris Ryan]

Marty Supreme, I think could have been 15, 20 minutes shorter.

[Bill Simmons]

Middle of Marty Supreme. Yeah, I feel like could have been.

[Chris Ryan]

Two and a half hours.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

That is not the type of movie that needs to be two and a half hours.

[Bill Simmons]

The middle of that movie is fat.

[Chris Ryan]

Like the Odyssey should be two hours.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Marty supreme is such like a. A Jenga tower that like even I was thinking when I saw it, like, if you took.

[Chris Ryan]

I really liked it.

[Craig Horlbeck]

If you took the dog, the dog, second dog run out, you're probably fine. But I. And I actually think the movie doesn't. But it just matters so much for Marty and Rachel. I don't know. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It'd be funny if we're criticizing Martyr supreme and then Sean just came bursting in Kool Aid.

[Chris Ryan]

Mans in.

[Bill Simmons]

Hold on, guys.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You guys could take Dante Moore for me, but you can't take parties.

[Chris Ryan]

I like Marty Supreme a lot. But yeah, I think it was like 2 hours and 25 minutes. I. I loved it.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So horror back scarab plus 35.

[Chris Ryan]

Saying it's 35 too long. Maybe 15 or 20. But yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Is the premise that all movies should be 100 minutes or most rewatch.

[Chris Ryan]

Lord of the Rings should not be 100 minutes. I understand why that needs to be as long.

[Bill Simmons]

So maybe there are exceptions where you're like ineligible for horrible X Scare. Like Marty supreme ineligible.

[Chris Ryan]

I see Marty supreme is eligible. But it's. It's the epics, the movies that are trying to tell a grander story. Those big adaptations, those I understand a little bit more than like a rom com that's 2 hours and 20 minutes.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And a movie that's long that doesn't register on the Horrock scale should almost be. Get bonus points.

[Bill Simmons]

Sure.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Like the first Matrix. You would not. It's pretty long. You wouldn't take away a second.

[Chris Ryan]

Like whatever Dark Knight is, I'm good with it. You know what I mean?

[Bill Simmons]

I like putting this right before Roger's review. The time of the movie. Yeah, we could just put it right there.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you have opinions on that? Do you ever think like, do you care when you see a movie's 2.

[Bill Simmons]

Hours and 40 minutes versus seeing our artist Friendly. I know it's like him that could have gone longer.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm trying to think in the movie theater.

[Chris Ryan]

Like when you look up a runtime, does that matter to you at all?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, it does. Especially when it's like an, an action movie or a comic book movie.

[Bill Simmons]

I just assume everything's 220 now.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm like pleasantly surprised if we're at 105 minutes for a movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That, that I think is like become an issue where factor in getting to the movie theater in the half hour of trailers. Like you're looking at like a four hour excursion. There are no five o'. Clockers. You cannot step into a movie theater, watch a 90 minute movie and be home for dinner.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. I just also think there's something to be said about when you, when you have the parameters of hey, you got to make this movie in less than 100 minutes or 110 minutes, you are forced to make a movie better and tighter and be. And be more creative to get your point across. Instead if they were like, oh, midnight run can be two hours and 40 minutes. It would be a worse movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Limitless. 105 minutes.

[Chris Ryan]

There you go. Number 16.

[Bill Simmons]

Taken 88. Yep. Takens. Like you're surprised it's ending.

[Craig Horlbeck]

How, how long is the devil worse?

[Chris Ryan]

Prada.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that's a little longer. I think that's closer.

[Chris Ryan]

It can't be too long though, right?

[Bill Simmons]

I can look that up right now. Yeah, it's, it's, I'm gonna say less than two hours because it has to fit into that TBS hour 49.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Because they needed to fit it in the two hour window to sell ads on cable and now obviously on streaming, it doesn't really matter.

[Bill Simmons]

I like the horror back scale. Josh Dolgen. I hope I say it's either Dolgen or Dolgan. I truly believe Bill and Van's takedown of Rose from Titanic is the greatest podcast segment of all time. Stop might not be wrong. It's a pretty great segment. In the spirit of that legendary 10 minutes, I'd like to nominate a new category, the Rose from Titanic award for the character who underrated sucks. I don't know if there's enough movies with this, but it might, it could.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Actually, might be a way to spice what's aged the worst up a little bit.

[Bill Simmons]

Throw it in there.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Because what changed the worst is hard.

[Bill Simmons]

He. Do we need the Natalie Portman character?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Well, we talk about.

[Bill Simmons]

Do we need that whole subplot with the daughter. Where does it go?

[Chris Ryan]

Is it they suck or we don't need them in the movie?

[Bill Simmons]

It's a. It's the easiest cut in the movie. Right.

[Chris Ryan]

This is like the Pam from the Office thing that, like, Pam actually kind of sucked. If you. If you, like, think back on who she was towards Jim the entire show. She, like, wasn't a great partner.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Holding him back from sports agent. Yeah. Work. Yeah. He could have been on Game over now with Max Kellerman.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Wasn't for Pam showing him her dumb drawings.

[Bill Simmons]

Just a Pagano Redson. Please add the Robert Towne Award for overblown film School English, major interpretation of the film. Then give your overreading version of the movie's plot. Bonus points if you include snooty phrases like man struggle versus blank. Just a direct attack on fantasy. I don't know why he.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think on all of us that way. We're big Bobtown guys.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we like Bobtown. This is from J. Tate. He says, can we add the what a dick move award for a scene in the movie that makes you so mad it makes you say, why the hell did they do that? Like the time and days of and confused when Hirschfelder's friends pulled him away from making out with a girl at the junior high dance, only for him to get beat with a paddle by Ben Affleck. Hold that thought. Injured. Katz writes in The Ted Cruz vs. Mitch McConnell, aka most punchable character Award. Basically, nobody likes these guys. The award would be given to the character who isn't necessarily the villain, but definitely needs to be punched in the face. Take School Ties. Matt Damon is clearly the main villain, but I've always wanted to punch Anthony Rapp and his anti Semitic coke bottle glasses in the face the most. Or maybe the teacher. If you're afraid of getting too political, feel free to remove Ted and Mitch from the name. You could use Bill Laimbeer, Novak Djokovic or Tanya Harding. I do like the idea of. I just want to punch that character in the face. They're not quite the villains, but they're fucking annoying. But I don't know if it comes up enough. I was thinking Dead Poets Society. The guy who sells out Mr. Keating. Cameron. Yeah. What do you think he's going to do to you, Deanda? Here we go. CR The Dana Wheeler Nicholson Award.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

AKA the Deborah Kara Inger Award for an Actress who was great in a specific movie and just should have had a much bigger career. Previous winners, Dana Wheeler Nicholson, Deborah Kar, Mia Sarah, Diana Vora, and Virginia Madsen. It's from Eric S. That's the Mia Sarah Award to me.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm still outraged that we didn't have five more Mia Sarah movies.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And do we ever get an explanation of what the deal was there? I can't remember.

[Bill Simmons]

Ferris Bueller's girlfriend. You saw Ferris Bueller?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Fantastic.

[Bill Simmons]

Everyone was in love with her.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Barely saw her again for the next five years.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't mind the Mia Sarah word. I think it's like. It's a flex. You'll know it when you see it.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Throw it in there. Oh, boy. Ted from Milwaukee. The new category I propose is the DeSean Jackson Award for rewatchable movies. Who dropped the ball on the one yard line and are therefore not great movies. Flex category. Best example is the Running Man. We were denied an epic showdown between Ben Richards and Captain Freedom. He's talking about the old Running Man. Yeah. A showdown between Schwarzenegger and Ventura would have been a major deal in 87 and would have elevated the movie's cultural cachet as they went into politics. Instead, we get an unnecessarily morally questionable dynamo scene. Never get to see Jesse Ventura fight him. It's Ted from Milwaukee. I don't think it happens enough times to be a Fikes category, but I like the spirit of it. Like, I thought I was getting this and you didn't give it to me.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. I feel like anecdotally, I can't think of a movie specifically. We've done plenty of rewatchables where we're like. And then it kind of falls apart in the last half hour or something like that. But I just can't think of one off the top of my head that.

[Bill Simmons]

Just the last thing like this was.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I actually. I mean, I think that I mentioned Sunshine. Like, that's a really good example. I mean, that drops the ball on the. On the 10 yard line.

[Chris Ryan]

House of Dynamite.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a great one. We'd never do that. See, the problem is, most of the movies we wouldn't do in the rewatch was because the ending sucked.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So keep an eye on that one.

[Craig Horlbeck]

All right.

[Bill Simmons]

We'll take one more break and then. I can't wait for this next one. All right. It's not officially a Rewatchables mailbag until we antagonize cr. This is from Sam from dc who wants us to Create the. I can't believe Carl Anthony Towns had a better career than Joel Embiden. Edward. What for when two actors in a film end up with career trajectories radically different from what their early works would have suggested? And then he said, I do believe that Towns will end up with a better career than Embiid.

[Craig Horlbeck]

What a fucking bullshit question.

[Bill Simmons]

He's from dc. He's just angry. He's angry about the Trey Johnson pick. I was thinking, though, this would have been a good one for Divorce. Proud, ironically. Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Who you never would have expected. Anne Hathaway's had a good career, but Emily Blunt became, I think, a bigger star of her. I wouldn't have guessed that when I saw the movie. Yeah, a little like the Carl Townsend bead draft.

[Chris Ryan]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Robert Shawn Leonard in Dead Poets versus, like, Josh Charles. I don't think you would have guessed Josh Charles would still be the one leading TV shows over Robert Shawn Leonard. I don't know. I thought that was a good one, though.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that was good.

[Bill Simmons]

I also like that it made CR Mad.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm trying to think of, like, when you were watching Stand By Me. Obviously we lost over Phoenix, but, like, would you have guessed that either any of the other kids in that movie would have got.

[Chris Ryan]

Had bigger careers, like Jerry o'? Connell.

[Bill Simmons]

Jerry o' Connell ended up with the most relevant of all the careers. Yeah. You would not have guessed that. That Mitchell wants us to change Cruz vs. Hanks and add Denzel and then wants us to go back and relitigate all of the ones we've already done and go with Denzel. That seemed really complicated.

[Craig Horlbeck]

If we ever are, like, we don't have an episode this week, I guess we could do that.

[Bill Simmons]

I like adding Denzel for 2026.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

You don't like it? You love Cruz versus Hanks? I do. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

There's something special about Cruz versus Hanks. It, like, it being either or like a binary question to me is much, much better.

[Bill Simmons]

Is there anyone Denzel could compete against? Because we also talked about Pacino versus De Niro too. You love Cruz versus Hanks for you is like Bird versus Magic.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's like it's never a boring conversation.

[Chris Ryan]

No. I don't know. You can do Denzel because there's ones.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That goofy, personable kind and the other person is just the. Like, you're an alien, but you're perfect.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, the more we talk this out, Denzel also, every movie is better with Denzel. Like, it almost like ruins the category. There's certain ones.

[Craig Horlbeck]

There was one, I think, I can't remember. He talked. He was talking with Jamie Foxx once and he was like, I passed on seven. And that's the one I like, regret. And I'm like, yeah, Denzel Washington, 7. It's like citizen Kane. It's like, I can't imagine how good.

[Chris Ryan]

That movie is, but should we add more this or that? Guys, wasn't there a female one we were gonna do?

[Bill Simmons]

We tried out the five Jennifers and it just didn't really work.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

You could do like Pitt or Leo or Blunder Hathaway. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That'S pretty good. Everybody loves Emily Bunto. You couldn't do Meryl Streep versus Everybody because she kills everybody.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And we can never crack this one. Another Justin Pagano email. Unless I accidentally wrote the name thing or copy pasted it wrong twice. He said he was in high school when Project X came out and Kid Gutty was a big deal for him. But our needle drop category has to be named after Bohemian Rhapsody. In Wayne's World, it's the most electrifying needle drop of any rewatchable movie, as evidenced by the fact that the scene won a number of categories when you did the episode. Love the show. I think it's funny that Project X is a category.

[Chris Ryan]

Look, the scene in Wayne's World doesn't make me want to do ecstasy, so I'm going to stick with Project X.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I don't think we're moving. Chris A has a really interesting idea for theme month. He's a longtime reader, few time writer, semi longtime listener. I was wondering if you would have a one for me. Only month. A month where Bill, then Chris, then Sean, then Van choose the movie and make the other three C movies they haven't seen. So Chris would have to watch Inside Moves. Bill would have to be part of the re Big Lebowski. Sean would have you do some Igmar Bergman thing. And Van would make everyone watch the toy.

[Chris Ryan]

The three of you should just each pick a different Lord of the Rings.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And make him watch the trilogy.

[Bill Simmons]

They said if it's a five week month, Mallory would be great. Thank you and have a nice day. So that'd be Yankee Christmas Swap month.

[Chris Ryan]

That's great.

[Bill Simmons]

That's good. We should do that. We could give a movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We could do that next December, next video.

[Bill Simmons]

I like that idea.

[Craig Horlbeck]

All right, but you have to do it, though. You can't be like, I'm sick this week. I can't do Fellowship of the Rings.

[Bill Simmons]

I'd have to do any movie. That would be the rule. So if we did four, that can.

[Chris Ryan]

Be the next fantasy football punishment.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the funniest thing is Van would take it way too seriously and spend 10 weeks trying to figure out the movie and asking people on Twitter. And then he'd probably land at the toy is where it would end up. Scott Komich. Some hurtful stuff in this email. I've tried to like Miami Vice, but I can't do it. Bad acting, confusing pot, horrible dialogue and bad casting. Gong Li, her character had a cousin that was the harbor master in Havana. Huh. How about a Latin actress or a Cuban one? Next. It has some of the worst dialogue I can remember in a movie. Gong Li, how fast does that go? Feral, serious, low, mumbling voice it goes very fast. What do you like to drink? Serious, low, mumbling voice I'm a fiend for mojitas. Give me a break.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You can only lead people who's so close to the water they don't want to drink. It's up to them.

[Bill Simmons]

He said, bill, in order for you and Sierra to prove your love for this movie, the next month. For the next month, anytime anyone asks for you what you want to drink, mumble in a very serious low voice. I'm a fiend for mojitos.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We already do that.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. It's like he absolutely doesn't know us. What's in that cup right now on New Year's Eve? Finally, Crockett was frisked before going into the meeting. And yet somehow he smuggled in a grenade. Was it up his ass? Those are his Miami Vice nitpicks. Then he goes. Roy Hobbs hits the final home run in the natural. They show him rounding second base while he'll be showering. Showered in sparks from the blown out lights. Were the fans killed, not covered? That was his nitpick for there. This guy's got a lot of nitpicks. This is the best one, though. In Hereditary, the oldest son gets possessed when the mother cuts off her own head. The demon floats through the air and lands in the kid. Why didn't the demon possess him when he was driving the car and the little kid got decapitated? Where was the demon hanging out between the time when the girl was killed and possessed? Tony Kudd's character. And why did they keep the car? Wouldn't the inside and outside the car be covered in blood? Did they just get it steam cleaned and keep driving it? That's the most fucked up thing about this Movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I was like a multi car household. I don't. You know, I think Gabriel Byrne and Toni Collette, like they were. They each had their own vehicle.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm selling the car immediately or just.

[Chris Ryan]

Just burning.

[Craig Horlbeck]

What's the Carfax on that?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

History.

[Bill Simmons]

Do you have to disclose decapitation 1 decapitation. Does decapitation in the Carfax report?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I don't think you have to go specifically what the accident was, but that was definitely an accident. I think payment is being summoned for three quarters of that movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Right.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Or even for most of her life. Like the.

[Bill Simmons]

He's watching the Avalanche game.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's right. He's like, they're powerful.

[Bill Simmons]

Payments grow to playoff beard. Neil R. Writes, I love the Tony romo Chris Collinsworth DVD commentary category. Along those lines for 2026. How about the Donald Trump Truth Social Post review of the movie? It'd be really funny to hear CR's Trump take on any movie. Any humor to get us through the next years would be helpful. I'm not against this.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I need something to replace Wayne. I think we gotta put Wayne on ice for a little while.

[Bill Simmons]

Wayne. I think we took it as far as it can go.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's like. I think it's like the Tush push, you know, it was really cool for a while and now everybody's just a little tired of it.

[Bill Simmons]

I think we peaked when you told Glenn Powell about it and he had no idea what you were doing.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

He was like, that's really cool. And I'm like, but if you don't know what it is, there's no way you think it's cool.

[Bill Simmons]

Donald Trump. True Social is good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What was the one we did on F1? Terrible movie. Hated the rice car scenes.

[Craig Horlbeck]

JP should have won. That is all.

[Bill Simmons]

Amanda S. I'll skip that one, actually. She had a Jim Cotta email that she thought was a fever dream when she was 12 and didn't know it was an actual movie. And then it turned out it was. So. I'm glad. I was hoping to help her. Padriac. I think I pronounced that correctly. P A D R A I C. Padraic.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Padrick.

[Chris Ryan]

I think.

[Bill Simmons]

Looking at the list of films you're showing over the weekend, I think this was the Boston weekend. Gave me a flex category idea. Most scalable insult. Now get your fucking chime box.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy. Well, the world needs plenty of bartenders. I drink your milkshake. There's Lots of potential here. Excited to hear Sean tell CR to get his fucking shine box on stage. Down since the sports guy cartoons. So this guy Dave Penko from Down under, which I assume is Australia, he suggested the Jack Waltz Dago, Guinea Wap, Greaseball, Goomba, Kraut. Nick Friend Award for Best Insult. I do think there's a Best Insult award we could put in there. Who is that named after?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I like the Jack Waltz Award.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, let me tell you something, my friend. I like this, though. Like, best insult that you could actually just. Just bring into your real life situation.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. So probably not. Your mother sucks in hell. That one wouldn't qualify.

[Bill Simmons]

That's not a good one. I have Shine box is still probably.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The Go get your shine box. That's like an idea.

[Bill Simmons]

It leads it up. Like, he really, like, works it to get to that.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Because then there's like, a separate award that would be for line from this movie that has entered the pop culture lexicon. I don't know what that would be necessarily, but maybe it's the kind of thing you hear Rich Eisen say a lot. You know what I mean?

[Bill Simmons]

So maybe it's the Billy Bats Jack Waltz Award for Best Best Insult. Best scalable insult in the movie. Yes, I like that. Dave Penko also suggests the Tone Loke Slick Ain't no Joke award for Most Ridiculous. Connecting of the dots.

[Chris Ryan]

I don't know what that's referencing.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And it's what it is really called everybody slick.

[Bill Simmons]

And they're like, I know who that is.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The last two times I've seen Heat, I was like, this is so up that they like. The entire thing is hinged on him saying slick.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And him being like, run slick through the database as an alien.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe that could be the four Heat where we just shit on Heat for like an hour and a half. All the things that's wrong with it. He also suggests the Michael Corleone In My Home Award for Unexpected Raised volume.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, let's just go to Pachito all the time. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Where my children sleep and play.

[Bill Simmons]

Grant McPhee said, My category suggestion is the Michael Myers Shoot Him Again award. The scene that makes the audience feel is that they're actually in the movie themselves interacting and reacting to the characters. Named after the scene in 78 Halloween when Dr. Loomis shoots Michael Myers and one of the audience members stood up and yelled out, shoot him again. There's a video of that. It's from Grant in London, Ontario, Canada. I don't know if that's good. Enough for a flex, but I enjoyed it. And then Pac Grover wrote in seeing as you shoehorn a Michael Myers reference into every single one of your BS pods and rewatchables, maybe make it a new category. Whether it's Giannis being like Michael Myers or you finding a way to compare Before Sunrise to Michael Myers, you always find a way to squeeze it in unnecessarily. So the new category could be where could Michael Myers be shoehorned in this film? Or pod. Wait, you already did this pretty much anyway, right?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Well, now you're just begging Dennis Peckover.

[Bill Simmons]

Like sticking it.

[Chris Ryan]

5.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Michael Myers is retired for Dennis Peck.

[Bill Simmons]

No more Dennis Peck in Myers Out. Gonna replace the Halloween four with the Dennis Peck. Doug Evans acknowledges that Tom Cruise is the best runner in action movies, as I think we all do. Who's the best runner for comedy movies? He asks. And he'd like to nominate Michael J. Fox for Running, Sliding, Falling on Slick Fours and Teen Wolf. Racing, Jumping, Falling in Office Chase and Secret of My Success and multiple Back to the Futures. You see the comedy movie Running Goat.

[Chris Ryan]

Was the goal to be funny or good at running?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he was really good at the slides where he'd be like coming around the corner and he would like skid like a motorcycle. Yeah, I think being really small helped him, like with the running scene. Very aggressive. He's very low to the ground.

[Craig Horlbeck]

They do some. There's some good sliding while running around the corner in Breakfast Club too. Oh, yeah, like slide across the hallway, basically.

[Chris Ryan]

That's good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Ali Sheedy and Emilio Estevez do that.

[Chris Ryan]

Michael, Sarah in Superbad's got a great run.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, my God, absolutely.

[Chris Ryan]

His form, he's kind of doing a Cruise impression. Not bad.

[Bill Simmons]

Fastest kid alive putting something up. Add that to the running flex. Walker G says, please do Dark Knight Rises, if only as an excuse to do Collinsworth impressions of Bane blowing up the stadium. Oh, my. Feeling it right here. Back.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You know this city's been crying out for a new stadium, Mike. They're going to get it.

[Bill Simmons]

This is one way to blow up a stadium, Mike.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Taxpayers are going to have a tough little swallow building a new one.

[Bill Simmons]

But John B. From Malden, he has an idea for the town, too. Still holding out hope for this because Doug McCrae is alive at the end of the movie in the Florida Keys. He thinks it should be something with Southie in the Boston St. Patrick's Day Parade. Grown up Shine, now working for a corrupt Southie politician who's cracking down on crime. Wants to have a political fundraiser on parade day in Castle island to raise money for a Merrill run. She organizes a crew to rip it off. But the plan guy, Butchie Coughlin, nephew of Jem, gets arrested. She shows up on Claire's door and says I need to get in touch with them. I know. You know what I mean. Doug comes back. The heist is spearheaded by Shine Claire and Doug.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Claire, yeah, Claire's and Bob.

[Bill Simmons]

She's crossed over. It's like fast forward. Paul Walker is just on the. On the bad guys team all of a sudden comes together for a climactic slow moving chase through the seats of streets of South. They surrounded by shit faced boss. The 20 somethings. Maybe a boat scene. Just workshopping it. There's something there with the kids of the town.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Have you ever asked Affleck about town too?

[Bill Simmons]

Doesn't seem like it's high in his agenda. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

So we're getting heat too. We think we are.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Devil wears Prada 2 is coming out this year. Is there?

[Bill Simmons]

Listen, the town too would make $200 million. It's just a fucking fact.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, I mean like $200 million is the floor. We're also in the last couple of innings before while those guys can still realistically do that like ham could still be an FBI agent.

[Bill Simmons]

Like they could still do like a retired FBI agent. So I, I agree with John B. From Malden that Shine is the key to the town too. Because Shine. How old is she in town?

[Craig Horlbeck]

She's like a little kid.

[Bill Simmons]

She's like three.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So now she. Town came out in 2010. You're making this for 2027. So she'd be like 20. Yeah, maybe she's working like at a strip joint in Saugus.

[Chris Ryan]

Sydney Sweeney.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. City swing. Too old.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe you're just grabbing anyone from Landman, like whoever. The stripper. Physical therapist working with Sam Elliot last night. She's in just signed her.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Andy and I talked about that for like 35 minutes. Did I have a stroke and missed three scenes. How did that happen?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I don't know what's on the big board of sequels you would actually want to get made that you would.

[Bill Simmons]

Go see Town two.

[Chris Ryan]

That's number one draft pick. Heat is Heat two number one. We're getting Heat two.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm too scared.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, we're how we feel about.

[Bill Simmons]

It's too meaningful.

[Chris Ryan]

Is there anywhere you were like, I actually don't care. I'm, I'm. I would want them to make this and I would go see it happily.

[Bill Simmons]

I like the Town too. Because the premise of.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I just don't think it's good without Renner. I think Renner makes that movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this is the problem we had with Den of Thieves too, because we lost.

[Chris Ryan]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Pablo and 50 and. We lost 50 and it was in the same movie because we. But I think this is where Damon comes in.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Well, isn't that.

[Bill Simmons]

Basically, Damon's still pissed that he wasn't in the town. So Damon's in as, like, Jem's brother Ben. Yeah. Johnny. Yeah. And they bring Doug. I think Doug coming back from the keys after 15 years is just a great premise for anything. Him having to extract. Extract Shine. Maybe Shine turns out to be his kid had something there. I like Boston's change too. Like, they could do South Day. They can move stuff from Charlestown to Southy. Which would. Which would matter. Jason Peters says, why don't you all just do a theme month called Red October. All the movies could be Russian themed as well. Hunt for Red October, Red Dawn, Moscow and the Hudson. Bridge of Spies and Reds. I don't know about Hunt for Red October. Should we do that one?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Keep going.

[Bill Simmons]

Red Dawn. That's good. Moscow and the Hudson's not good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

If we did Moscow, we didn't do on for an October, I'd quit.

[Bill Simmons]

Reds would be interesting. I'm not sure that's a rewatchable movie. It's a great movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It would be a really cool, like. If you wanted to do Reds would.

[Bill Simmons]

Be fun for the research and the dialogue about making the movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And also just like Hackman in it and stuff.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, I think it would be fun to do the two cassette. Like the. Like the movies that are like. We used to be in two cassettes. When you would rent them from the video store.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And it would be fun to do like, that. Prince of the City was like that.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, could it just be four movies that have red in it? Red Dawn, Red October, Reds, and then a fourth red. Red Eye.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Kristoff Krzyszlowski's Three Colors Red. No.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Anything with red. All right, I grabbed it. Jake Curley. This is good. Watching Goodfellas last night. Notice Paulie is two completely different people before and after. Henry gets pinched as a kid, goes from barely audible grim reaper mob boss to gregarious wise guy yelling down the steps. You popped your cherry. It's as if they totally rewrote his character mid movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Nope.

[Bill Simmons]

Hence the new category. The Paulie Award for the writers. Definitely rewrote this character in the middle of the film.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The whole Thing is, it's Henry's perception of Paulie changes. It's not poly changing.

[Bill Simmons]

I agree. I was trying to think of other examples of a character getting rewritten, but.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Way more on tv.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah, but like, no question, like, especially with like, the big prestige shows.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. Where you're just like. You can tell, like, oh, all of a sudden. I mean, this is more of like a continuation of the character. But for instance, like, Jesse Pinkman legendarily was not supposed to make it that far in Breaking Bad.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And I think that they re like continued to iterate his character.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know if you have a Stranger Things example. You want to give us 12 hours?

[Chris Ryan]

The character. I mean, Maya Hawke was like a good, well written character for that first season she was in. And then they kind of just like reduced her to saying punch lines or.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Just explaining what the hell was going on.

[Chris Ryan]

She just became like the he's right behind me, isn't he person for like the last two seasons.

[Bill Simmons]

Did she help bring down Velcro Vecna?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, they all did. All 12 of them.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Bo Pollock from Albany.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We have two bows.

[Bill Simmons]

Bob Pollock.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm sorry.

[Bill Simmons]

As the credits roll in, the classic.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Two guys roll beneath.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Yeah. That is weird. As the credits begin to roll in the classic film Roadhouse, Dalton sprints naked across the lawn and dives into the pond with an also naked Kelly Lynch. Yeah, I've seen Roadhouse a million times, but only recently noticed a third person sitting in the grass. Dalton skinny dipping. Share photo after rewinding and slowing down the replay several times, my best guess is it's Jeff Healy from the Double Deuce Band. The blind musician.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh.

[Bill Simmons]

If this is true, what level of awkward, inappropriate, insane is it that Dalton and Doc are not just nude, but clearly about to have sex in front of a blind man sitting on the shore? When is this ranking out of nowhere? What the hell? Minor details.

[Craig Horlbeck]

So do you think that that scene is from, like, the middle of the movie and they just cut it and repurposed it as, like, a credit sequence?

[Bill Simmons]

We're gonna have to, for social media, go find the end of that clip and cut it over.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's the fucking funniest thing I've ever heard. Is because, like, you could make the argument that with the skinny dip, it's like, it's not gonna make a difference to this guy.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, but I mean, his ears still work.

[Bill Simmons]

She's like, he's right there. It's like, he's fine. He can't see what a polar What a Jesus. Pretty good. TJ Zurbonia writes. In the morning after their crazy hangover night, they go to the Best Little Chapel and they meet Eddie before they leave. He says Stu ordered the dog's package and brings out multiple boxes of merchandise branded with their wedding pictures. In what world am I supposed to believe Eddie has access to a print fulfillment merchandise center that can fill an order that fast? They get married at 3am they're back 2pm Latest. There's no way I'd be ready to pick up. Even if Eddie does all his printing in house, there's still no way to have all that merchandise done that quick. And if you do it yourself, why would a wedding chapel have the world's quickest fulfillment center sitting in the back? It would be made way more profitable than marrying drunk people made me think, do we need a category and pick a nits called the Mega Nitpick. Like a nitpick that just is almost like the whammy category. Yeah, it's like such a nitpick, it almost has to be addressed. The Mega Knit.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Sure, the Mega Knit.

[Bill Simmons]

This is pretty good. How does he get all those photos ready in seven hours?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, it's a great call.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, there's other problems with that movie, including how did they get a tiger into the room and yeah, how did they get the tiger away from Mike Tyson's house? And how did all this stuff happen in five hours?

[Craig Horlbeck]

And also like, just like Justin Bartha being.

[Bill Simmons]

I realized he was on the roof.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, it would have. The security door would have been.

[Bill Simmons]

There's a lot of nitpicks in this movie, but I thought that was pretty good. Mac. Good work, guys. He says, listen to almost every show. Bill's lying about the worst position to discover your wife cheating in. Almost caused a 10 car pile up for me. I've seen a heap of movies I otherwise would not have watched because of the show.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Was that from Internal Affairs? What was that from?

[Bill Simmons]

Wasn't it like doggy style?

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, but what was the movie we were talking about that you broke that out?

[Bill Simmons]

Body Double. He walked in on the girl riding some guy in his bedroom. And I was like, easily. I thought I said doggy style would probably be worse.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think I may have said number two, doggy style. But the guy's wearing a T shirt. And if I didn't, that's. I'd like to say it now because I was thinking about like, Billy Bob always wears his T shirt.

[Bill Simmons]

Gives you 70.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Mac wants to suggest a new category called Dorfler's Door from Midnight Run, named after the scene where Marvin lays Jack out with the driver's door. The category is, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much would that stunt, punch, kick, whatever have hurt in real life? He thinks Dorfler's door is a nine. I thought this was great.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Any bar fight scene in a movie would just. Just be guys dying on the. On the floor.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, we could do, like, which stunts.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Would kill you the amount of times guys get hit with chairs or bar stools or, like, flat fall through tables and then get, like, glassed.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, even Beverly Hills Cop, they throw Axel through the window.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Victor visiting. Victor Maitland.

[Chris Ryan]

There's a lot of people getting.

[Bill Simmons]

That would be. Put you in the hospital.

[Chris Ryan]

I actually.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I don't even know. I mean, I would have to see if Jackass has done this. I just. Getting thrown through a window seems like the worst thing in the whole world.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Because then you just also land on a pile of glass.

[Bill Simmons]

I like this as a flex. I think the. The daughter and hereditary is probably a 15 out of 10. The decapitation, that's probably the highest ceiling.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But that actually, you do die. She does get injured.

[Chris Ryan]

You have to pick somebody who lives.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's got to be like, you get like, hit with a car door and then you're like, oh, my jaw.

[Bill Simmons]

So she lived, right? Good point. She didn't have a head anymore. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Doorfler's door is good, though. Reggie Hammond, too, with Luther. When he slams the door into Luther's. Luther's running. Luther.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like whenever there's a movie where, like, a guy gets hit in the back of the head with, like, a frying pan, you're like, that guy might die. Yeah. Everything.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Everything that the guys go through in Home Alone.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, my God. The paint cans for Home Alone swinging down. Yeah. The bricks.

[Bill Simmons]

Dave Brown, big fan since 2017. Recently watched Den of Thieves for the redot. Said we discussed the lady eating the day's old Chinese food, saying, it's not that bad. I'm pretty sure that lady was in the London at the bar at the end of the movie. My takeaway is she was on Ice Cube's crew. Ice Cube Jr's crew. And that's how he knew she wrote her Chinese that day and was involved in the escape.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, interesting.

[Bill Simmons]

My next rewatch, I think.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think he's probably right. I think there's a bunch of, like, random guys or. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Justin from D.C. huge fan of the Ringer and the Rewatchables since its inception. He has some categories for us, including the Ben Affleck what the fuck was I thinking Award for the actor actress that retroactively regretted signing on for the movie you're watching. Like Ben and Jeep and Gig Lee, Bruce Willis and Color Night. The problem is we don't do a lot of these movies. I like the spirit of it. He wants us to just really do the Hans Gruber scale for every bad guy, which we've done in multiple ones.

[Chris Ryan]

So this is just. How can I do this, like, paycheck movie, essentially? This is like the.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think it would be more just like, huge mistake, you know, like. Like, I. It took me a while to shake that one off. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the Hans Gruber scale we should just do anytime there's a villain. Hans is a 10. The Tom Cruise Award. Did this movie need a running scene? And it feels like a reach. The Chris Coughlin Award, named after Blake Lav in the town for Would you throw it all away for this woman. He lists Angelina Jolie, Mr. And Mrs. Smith, Margot Robbie, Wolf of Wall Street, Nia Long, and the best man. And then Ciara would have Edie Falco.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And Copland and Ashley Judden Heat.

[Bill Simmons]

And Ashley Judden Heat. The Chris Coughlin Award. Who should that award be named after? I like the idea, but I would throw my life away for this award, for this lady award. The Edie Falco is probably the funniest.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I just think it's, like, a deep pull.

[Bill Simmons]

But yeah, Blink Live was good, though.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I still remember coming out of the Copland rewatchables and just be like, that was our best episode ever. You guys are just like, we peaked. All right, see you.

[Bill Simmons]

The Chris Coughlin Award.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Mila Kunis. And forgetting Sarah Marshall. Be my.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a great one.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

She was so, so great.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But the thing is, is that I just want to say there's got to be.

[Bill Simmons]

She's dangerous. Yeah. It's got to be like, she's gonna fuck your life up.

[Chris Ryan]

Like Rebecca De Mornay, Risky Business.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's a huge mistake. You know it. Okay, but like Edie Falco chain smoking with explosives in a duffel bag. But you're like, whatever you want to.

[Bill Simmons]

Do next, It's a good one. Or Linda Fiorentino in After Hours.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yes. Come on. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

We'll come up with the right version, but we're adding some sort of a throw your.

[Chris Ryan]

At least you have as the ex machina robot.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's a really good one.

[Bill Simmons]

This would be CR's favorite email. It's from Zed. I'm gonna guess that's not his real name. Zed is dead. I work in the set decoration department, and given the nature of my job, I've been thinking of the Leon Vitali Most Fucked Up Day on Set award, named after Stanley Kubrick's longtime personal assistant. The category could have simple answers based on what we know from the press, like Shelley Duvall doing a million takes in the Shining. But I would also ask deeper questions, like who had to chase down and throw back Tom Cruise's terrible pitches and A Few Good Men? What poor dancing coach had to work with Pacino doing the tango instead of women? And most important, who had to keep cleaning Miggs load off Jody for Duster's Beast heads out to the Libs.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think Jodie Foster had the worst day.

[Bill Simmons]

It would be a category that gives a quick salute to the presumed PA customer, proppers and so on. That had to keep on trucking through. Tough one.

[Chris Ryan]

Worst day on set is really good.

[Bill Simmons]

Where's the answer I think is good? The Leon Vitale. I don't know if that's too deep cut. Maybe the Silence of the Lambs production crew member. I don't know, but there's something there with that.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The guy in seven who had to work with the lost dude.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah. New category from Darren Vincent Hannah. Which actor's performance is better explained by the character being high in cocaine the entire movie? And he suggests Doc Brown and Back to the Future, J.K. simmons and Whiplash, Tom Cruise and Magnolia, Daniel Day Lawrence and There Will Be Blood. And then he said John Hurd and Big. This guy was a little too amped up for those sales meetings. He's making 450k a year for churning out some useless product design. Of course he was doing blow. Why wasn't Tom Hanks pulled in the room and offered some at one point? I mean, it's another Heat category.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's also funny if you just apply that to people that they're clearly not on cocaine.

[Bill Simmons]

Better than coffee. So I'm going to skip a couple here. This one's pretty funny, though. Philip Sanford said in 2010 he was dating a girl, had strong feelings on moral righteousness. Didn't work out. One of the reasons didn't work out was she was trying to rent the Devil Wears Prada on her cable Bundle VOD service and accidentally ordered the porn parody the Devil Wears Nada.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Did she watch it?

[Bill Simmons]

No, she got upset that he got upset and they ended up breaking up. And he's not married to her anymore. He just wanted to.

[Craig Horlbeck]

They were married?

[Bill Simmons]

No, they. They were dating and they got broke.

[Chris Ryan]

They broke up because of that fight.

[Bill Simmons]

One of the reasons, it seems, because.

[Craig Horlbeck]

He wanted to see what the devil was.

[Bill Simmons]

That was hilarious. That she rented Devil or is not and she didn't think it was funny at all.

[Chris Ryan]

I see. Wow.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Sounds like it's for the best.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Fifteen years later, he's still.

[Chris Ryan]

I feel like there's more to that story.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

She probably came home and he was watching it.

[Bill Simmons]

This is great. From Andre B. He has a suggestion for canceled month on the show. Because we talked about canceled month. This month he said Ricochet. Here's my five word Wikipedia summary. Denzel Washington gets unconsented vd. That actually is the plot of Ricochet.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

They frame him and then he said he thinks Ricochet was ghost directed by Brian De Palma. Oh, the. Brandon O. Kelly wants Creature feature month with Anaconda, Tremors, Lake Placid and Gremlins.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'd be solid.

[Bill Simmons]

Travis Swerger wants us to rename the hottest take and take you off the hook, reminding us that Fantasy once had the take that Tracy Lords could have been Ginger in Casino.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Take which former porn star. Yeah, that's pretty good. I gotta say. I like Sean's take there. I forgot about that. That Casino.

[Bill Simmons]

Like that take, too. Yeah, that was good. But then he said bad accents come up on several episodes. Why haven't you ever added the Kevin Costner in 13 days terrible accent Award? Why haven't. Why don't we have a bad accent award? We never had one. Right?

[Chris Ryan]

No, you. You do the. Sometimes we'll do the bad Boss. You've. You've done the bad Boston accent. But not if it's Boston.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We'll talk about it. But generally speaking.

[Bill Simmons]

So this is named after Costner, right? He's had the most bad accents in movies. Or would you have somebody else?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I assume he's. You're referring to jfk, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Robin Hood, he gave up right.

[Craig Horlbeck]

After like two seasons.

[Bill Simmons]

Thirteen days. Really terrible. I don't know what he was doing, like some sort of JFK accent yet.

[Craig Horlbeck]

All these movies are rewatchable. Thirteen days of him, but yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then he said Nicholas Cage and Captain Corelli's Mandolin. This is Apex Mouth bad accents. Craig, you'll like this. This is from Nas. Nas? I'm sure that's not his real name. The Kate Beckinsale award for this movie is only good because she's hot. Serendipity is A great film. It only works because she's attractive.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

Put a less attractive actress in there. I don't think we're talking about the movie 24 years later. Do some movies only work because the actor or actress is hot. This is obviously Species is the number.

[Chris Ryan]

One for this Species.

[Bill Simmons]

The Tasha, Andrew and Species ultimate example. Yeah. Movie fails. She's basically taking a three win team that's last in DVOA, taking them to the playoffs. They go like 11 and 6 somehow 100.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm trying to think of other examples. Would you say Can't Hardly Wait is like that Jennifer Love Hewitt?

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, I think that's a pretty solid like.

[Chris Ryan]

I think you could have gotten away with that.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Couple of different people in there. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

What else?

[Bill Simmons]

Kate Beckins has a good one.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Last fake category award from Chad and Washington wants the D. Diane Keaton K. Adams award for best actor actress in a poorly written character role, which was always. My take is so flawed. For example, the award could go to Natalie Portman in the Star wars prequels for Padme Am.

[Chris Ryan]

Padme.

[Bill Simmons]

Padme. Amadala.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, Amadala.

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't watch that. I do like the concept of great actor, actress, terrible role.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Can you think of any other examples? I mean, Kay is not a bad role, but can you think of any other examples of a He goes away.

[Bill Simmons]

For five years and comes back and she leaves an entire grade of kids.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Just gets into the car with them. But I think so much of this is based on you hating her hair. Hair?

[Bill Simmons]

Well. Well, the hair in Godfather 3 was the bad hair.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But I think it almost is like retroactively affected your appreciation.

[Chris Ryan]

Is that acting or you just hate the way they wrote the character?

[Bill Simmons]

I just thought they mangled the character. It's a bad character.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You disagree still that K is a bad character?

[Bill Simmons]

No, I just don't think it's a well written character.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But it's supposed to be his like one beacon of a life outside the Corleone family. Is this waspy woman from Connecticut or whatever. Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

You just like Diane Keaton and I do too. And that's fine. We all wanted to see my K. Adams is a good character. Gets better in Godfather 2. Yes, Godfather 1. Train wreck.

[Chris Ryan]

Is her name Kay Adams?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Is it? Or did we just keep say. Did you say Cam?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, she's Kate Corleone. What was her maiden name?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I highly doubt it's K. You can Google it.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think K. Adams's name is K. Adams. I think that's a stage name.

[Chris Ryan]

Sports Media personnel, body.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

K. Adams.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Is her last name Corleone?

[Chris Ryan]

Her name is K. Adams. The Godfather.

[Bill Simmons]

Yes, K. Adams.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But do you think Kay Adams her is a stage names for Michael Corleone?

[Chris Ryan]

Absolutely not. Wikipedia has her name as K. Adams, that sports personality.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Chris Ryan]

You think that's a stage name? That's a real claim.

[Bill Simmons]

We're gonna end with some heat questions. Okay, David Wise, this has always bugged me. Was Neil like, hey, Waingro, Michael's never met you, but he'll pick you up in a giant truck outside the food stand five minutes before the heist. Such a careful crew. Seems ridiculous. We learn later that Nate vouched for Waingro. Neil never spoke to him. How'd that communicate the details of the plan in Waingro? Would Waingro have shot the guard if he'd actually gotten that refill? Maybe he was dehydrated. John in New Hampshire, same thing. Small, important plot point. This is my favorite movie. Blah, blah, blah. After reading all the backstory of Neil in the novel and how careful and methodical he was, how do they hire Waingro, a guy they'd never met before, let alone work serve times with? They don't meet ahead of Venom. They don't rehearse with them. I don't buy it. It's so out of character for Neil. Makes no sense. What's the sports equivalent? An athlete that makes an isolated decision that dominoes into their eventual downfall. For me, the action is the juice.

[Craig Horlbeck]

This is. I think I do have this, which is Nico Harrison only making one phone call about Luke. And it's like, he's got to keep it tight. He doesn't want any leaks. He doesn't want this to get out. So he only calls Palinka. This is the same thing as. As Neil being like, I don't want anyone to know about this heist, about this score. So I can't even meet this guy. He's just. Michael's gonna pick him up in a truck.

[Bill Simmons]

So Anthony Davis is Wayne Grow.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Wayne Gro immediately falls apart.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And also, let's be honest, Neil's personnel management. I mean, he's picking up his getaway driver the morning of the heist. Yeah, he's picking a guy out from behind the line at a diner.

[Bill Simmons]

Starting to wonder if Neil had some holes in his game.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's what I'm saying.

[Bill Simmons]

So I'm saying, if the heat's there in 30 seconds, you gotta run. And then he's saving Val Kilmer, but he's running away from the girl that he's. And also, like, he's going walking into an airport hotel to kill Wingro. But the heat's there.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. It's like he's supposed to be avoiding the heat. He could have called. Called Nate from Tahiti and been like, I'm gonna put a hundred thousand dollars on Wangro's head.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

But he wanted the feeling of it.

[Chris Ryan]

I love that you guys talk about this movie like these people are your friends. I can't believe the names that you throw out. I'm like, wait, who's who now? It's unbelievable.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this is the last email from Austin. Hottest take. Chirito is the villain of Heat, not Wingro. Morally ambiguous. Wingrove makes a case for him. Swastika tattoo. Just the product of being a white guy doing time in California. Neil definitely has one fair. The team betrays Waingro, not vice versa. All the fucked up shit Waingro does is out of desperation. Knows that he's being hunted. I had to get it on when I first saw the movie. I definitely thought that guard was trying to make a move. Waingro made the play he thought was needed at the time. Time flips it around. Chito's workplace bullying before the heist didn't exactly help him stay cool. Trying to wind him and piss him off after a high stress incident. Not exactly good guy behavior. Chito's an instigator. Chito uses a child as a human shield. His use of the word slick gets the team busted. Action is the juice. Preferring murder and mayhem to wife and plenty of money. Shows to be a deranged psychotic. Wayne girl spends the movie trying to escape. Chito only wants blood. Blood. Think about it.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Honestly. Pretty good.

[Bill Simmons]

Pretty good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Some holes in that theory, but, like.

[Bill Simmons]

You could make the argument that's kill.

[Craig Horlbeck]

He's also a serial killer on the side.

[Bill Simmons]

Serial killer.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That's where the argument falls apart. I do like that Chirito. Maybe not a good guy.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Cherito, the child is a human.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I don't feel supposed to be seen as, like, a great guy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, why do I like him so much?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Because he has the coolest lines and like is like the one who seems the most like. Like emotionally committed to being a bank robber.

[Chris Ryan]

He loves to get married to the game.

[Bill Simmons]

I think child as a human shield is a deal breaker for me with most of the.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'll also say that you could read Heat as Neil is the problem because Neil is the one who's like, I'm out. I'M I'm doing one more score. He's also the guy who's pushing them hard to keep doing scores.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

To rack up his bankroll to get out when they're all like, I'm fine. Just like, every six weeks or so, we do a different kind of deal. Like, it's. It's like, keep it. Keep the pace. Nice and slow.

[Bill Simmons]

If Chito says, no, let's not take this down, does Neil just walk away?

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, I think Neil does it either way.

[Bill Simmons]

Just gets a new crew.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Where does he get a new crew?

[Craig Horlbeck]

The diner, apparently.

[Bill Simmons]

From juvie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

That's it for rewatchables.

[Chris Ryan]

Wait, I have a. I have a new category I want to suggest.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, let's hear it.

[Chris Ryan]

All right. It is the Stanley Tucci and Conclave award for the actor that takes you out of the movie.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Movie Stanley.

[Bill Simmons]

That's really good.

[Chris Ryan]

Conclave completely.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Why?

[Bill Simmons]

So we had a version of this with the Lena Dunham Spawn Ranch, but I think this is better.

[Craig Horlbeck]

This is better because this. Yours was most jarring, jarring casting.

[Chris Ryan]

This is like.

[Bill Simmons]

This is more like, I can't focus. Every time I see this person, I just.

[Chris Ryan]

I don't buy him as a cardinal. I'm like, I watch this guy make carbonara on Instagram, and I just can't. I can't see him as a cardinal in the Vatican. It's just. I'm like, stanley, too.

[Bill Simmons]

You want to see him competing with Meryl Streep for the top title at the fashion magazine?

[Chris Ryan]

You can definitely overcast a movie. Like, I even like Mila Kunis in the new Knives Out. I'm like, that's Mila Kunis. Right? What are we doing here?

[Bill Simmons]

She's the detective.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I. Not about Tucci, but there are movies where I'm like, there was one too many guys in this. Like, you didn't need somebody this sort of notable to be a minor character.

[Bill Simmons]

Yes.

[Chris Ryan]

Because I'm like, that's a very famous person who is online constantly. I don't buy it.

[Bill Simmons]

Do you think being online constantly is eventually a deal breaker for seeing somebody movie? I agree.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Being a car.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I feel that way about if, like, that guy from. What's the Blake Lively Justin Baldoni movie? What was that called?

[Chris Ryan]

It ends with us.

[Bill Simmons]

It ends with us.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

If I see that guy in any other movie, I'd be like, hey, the Blake Lavie lawsuit guy, he can't be a lawyer. He actually probably should sue, because I won't be able to kind of emerge from that when I See him?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. You can have too big of an online presence. It's why, like, Emma Stone and Jennifer Lawrence and Leo. None of those people do that because then you can believe them in a movie you're watching.

[Craig Horlbeck]

See, there's sometimes though, that I think it works like. Did you see Civil War?

[Chris Ryan]

No.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay, well, there's Jesse Plemons in Civil War. It almost takes you out of it, but he's so good that it makes the scene even more significant.

[Chris Ryan]

I understand that. Where you're like, oh, wow, if an actor of this level's in this scene, it elevates the movie. Yeah. So there is a fine line.

[Bill Simmons]

What about when it's like Matt Damon in the last 20 minutes of Interstellar?

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's longer than that. I mean, it's in like the second half of the movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, that's fine with me.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I know some people who are distracted by that.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. But I do believe that's a real thing. And you're like, oh, this is just like a very famous person, like in. In a costume right now.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel that way a little bit about Hank is area.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The reverse feeling is when you go to a movie and you think somebody is going to be a major star and they get killed early in the movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Who?

[Chris Ryan]

Sean Bean award. Didn't that used to be an awesome award?

[Bill Simmons]

The Sean Bean. I can't believe you're died too early. Didn't make it.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

We might. That might have been an earlier word.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm actually re watching Game of Thrones in the sauna. It's great. Having a great time.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Are you preparing for Night of the Seven Kingdoms or you're just re watching Game of Thrones?

[Bill Simmons]

No, it's just like. It's good to be back with the gang.

[Chris Ryan]

How long can the iPad last in the sauna?

[Bill Simmons]

No, I put it outside. I put it outside the door in a chair.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And on subtitles or what you have?

[Bill Simmons]

No, I just put play really loudly through.

[Chris Ryan]

Through the door.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That's exactly how Benny Elfenweiss intended.

[Bill Simmons]

No, because it's outside. It's a infrared sauna.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Okay. Wow.

[Bill Simmons]

It's great. It can last like about 25, 30 minutes. So watching Game of Thrones, it's great because it's so hot that everything's going so slow because you're just thinking about how you might be dying. Yeah. So you can actually listen to dialogue. So I actually feel like I know the characters.

[Craig Horlbeck]

So you're like, getting into it this time?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, hey, of course, course. K. Robert Baratheon. Oh, yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Are you. Are you going to remix some of those categories now?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I'm going to probably. There's a couple that probably need to go. Right.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

From last year that I think.

[Chris Ryan]

But are most of these going to be added as possible flexes?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, well, I think the. The two that I think we have to add are the watch party one and the. The 100 minutes one.

[Craig Horlbeck]

And also the.

[Bill Simmons]

I like the HOR scale.

[Craig Horlbeck]

We have to add the like Anti Life lesson.

[Bill Simmons]

Those are the three that go in. And then I think we have some more flexes. I. The other thing we really need people could suggest is more people to do impressions of for the Wayne Jenkins spot. We need a new batch. New batch of blood.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Well, maybe we almost take it away and let it organically repopulate, you know, because we had like Romo and Collinsworth and Wayne and like a couple of guys. They were just like, they were our friends, you know, and now it's like we just need to. To restock the cabinet.

[Bill Simmons]

Definitely don't want to get rid of it anytime soon because I've been workshopping some Orlovsky and Riddick.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Doing a scene of whatever movie we do. Just talking for two minutes straight on F1. Here's the thing about Brad Pitt, the way he's driving. I want you to watch him go around the corners. The kind of torque that this guy can get. Why do you seem uneasy with.

[Chris Ryan]

With Danielski reading checks?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm not. I love.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you watch that game or you were. You were traveling that game?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I was traveling. I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

You watched that game.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I think you were upset by them.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't like three man booths.

[Chris Ryan]

No, they're terrible.

[Bill Simmons]

I've been on that corner for a long, long time.

[Chris Ryan]

Are you. Are you Scott Hansen, people? You guys like Scott Hansen? Do you watch Red Zone?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I do.

[Chris Ryan]

But you don't watch it. You don't like him.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't put it. I don't put the audio on it.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm turning on Hanson.

[Bill Simmons]

Are you?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. He's trying too hard. Once I saw the behind the scenes when it's just like him, like the guy in the Truman show, like hovering over people's shoulders, screaming into their ears, like, you know, walking around looking at 10 TVs. He tries really hard when he should just let the announcers of the actual game that they're cutting to take over.

[Bill Simmons]

I couldn't agree more.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm trying to remember. I recently was just.

[Chris Ryan]

He always tries to come in with, like a pun.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Are you into how are you feeling about Brady?

[Bill Simmons]

It's been a rough times.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Really. Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Brady and Saint Barts with the cell phone. No, I just mean, like, hitting on Alex Earl.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I just met, like, Brady 7 Super Bowls as a color guy.

[Bill Simmons]

Better. Fine. I just think, like, Tico and Collinsworth were so good on Sunday night.

[Chris Ryan]

Come on. Brady is not good.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Tico was incredible.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Buck and Aikman, same thing. And then you watch these other teams and you can't. You're like, whoa. Yeah, we really dropped off here. I could talk about this all day. All right, rewatchables. We'll come back with a movie next week. This was fun. Thanks for doing this. Chris Ryan, Craig Korbeck, also the producer. Thanks to Gaha and Eduardo as well. Anyone else we want to thank? Think.

[Chris Ryan]

I think that's it.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, that's good. See you next week in the rewatchable.