‘Running Scared’ (1986) With Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan

Summary

The Rewatchables: ‘Running Scared’ (1986) with Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan

Episode Overview In this episode of The Rewatchables, hosts Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan delve deep into the 1986 buddy cop film "Running Scared". Released on November 26, 2024, this episode explores the movie's key elements, character dynamics, cultural impact, and its place within the broader genre of buddy cop films. Produced by Craig Horlbeck, the discussion is rich with insights, humor, and critical analysis, making it engaging for both longtime fans and newcomers to the podcast.

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1. Introduction to “Running Scared” Bill Simmons introduces "Running Scared" as a quintessential 1980s buddy cop movie, highlighting its setting in Chicago and the dynamic between its lead characters, played by Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines.

“Coming up, we are going to finally do a movie that we want to do for a long time. Running Scared is next. Let me tell you something.” [02:15]

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2. Character Dynamics and Chemistry The hosts discuss the on-screen chemistry between Billy Crystal (Danny Costanza) and Gregory Hines (Ray Hughes), emphasizing how their partnership sets "Running Scared" apart from other films in the genre.

“Most of the fun comes from Heinz, Crystal, et cetera, et cetera.” [03:48]

Chris Ryan praises Gregory Hines for bringing depth and versatility to his role, while Bill Simmons commends Crystal for proving his comedic and acting chops post-SNL.

“He’s really good. He was supposed to be in 48 hours and dropped out because he got this big part in Cotton Club.” [13:01]

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3. Comparison to Other Buddy Cop Films Bill and Chris draw parallels between "Running Scared" and other iconic buddy cop movies like "48 Hours," "Lethal Weapon," and "Bad Boys." They explore what makes "Running Scared" unique, particularly its more amiable and chemistry-driven partnership.

“This movie is like the ultimate buddy cop movie because the crucial twist is these guys are best friends and they just love each other.” [09:15]

“We have done four of those on the rewatchables, and I don't know why we haven't done Back to School yet.” [31:22]

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4. Chicago's Influence on the Film The hosts delve into how Chicago's distinctive architecture and urban landscape significantly contribute to the film's atmosphere. They appreciate how the city serves as a dynamic playground for the movie's action sequences.

“Chicago also has that great overhanging subway where when there's shootouts, you kind of always know where you are in the city.” [23:28]

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5. Memorable Scenes and Quotes Bill and Chris highlight several standout scenes and quotes from "Running Scared," discussing their rewatchability and cultural resonance.

“You have the right to remain dead. Anything you do will be used against you.” [39:36]

“You want it now? Yeah, I want it now.” [34:23]

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6. Weak Points and Critical Analysis Despite its strengths, the hosts critique certain aspects of the film, such as repetitive chase sequences, unrealistic police behavior, and underdeveloped romantic subplots.

“I just don't think that Danny and Ray have such magnetic chemistry that it would explain her, like, loving him so much that she... can't be with him.” [51:42]

“The overall soundtrack isn't good. McDonald carries it, but McDonald is like Jordan on the 86 Bulls.” [57:55]

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7. Potential for Sequels Bill expresses disappointment that "Running Scared" did not spawn sequels, arguing that the movie left ample room for continuation, especially with the compelling chemistry between the leads.

“And Crystal and Hines just didn't think any of them were good enough. Enough.” [59:25]

Chris Ryan proposes imaginative sequel ideas that could have expanded the story, maintaining the original’s charm and character dynamics.

“Running Scared two starts in four.” [61:15]

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8. Cultural and Genre Impact The discussion touches on how "Running Scared" fits into the evolution of buddy cop films and its influence on subsequent movies within the genre. They acknowledge its place in the mid-80s Chicago movie boom but note that it remains somewhat underrated.

“It's a lot of big ones, but... Running Scared transcends its dreary roots and turns out to be a lot of fun.” [32:36]

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9. Producer Craig Horlbeck’s Perspective Producer Craig Horlbeck joins the conversation, offering his fresh perspective on the film. He appreciates the chemistry between the leads but feels the movie lacks the tension and stakes found in more celebrated buddy cop films like "Lethal Weapon."

“I liked the chemistry between Hines and Crystal was great. I feel like the chemistry was there.” [88:31]

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10. Conclusion and Final Thoughts Bill and Chris wrap up the episode by reflecting on what makes "Running Scared" a rewatchable classic despite its flaws. They express nostalgia for the era and the movie's unique blend of comedy and action.

“Most of the fun comes from Hines, Crystal, et cetera, et cetera.” [32:36]

“This movie could have either been 20 minutes shorter or like three hours longer. And I was good either way.” [89:26]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "This movie is like the ultimate buddy cop movie because the crucial twist is these guys are best friends and they just love each other." – Bill Simmons [09:15]
• "You have the right to remain dead. Anything you do will be used against you." – Unknown Character [39:36]
• "Running Scared transcends its dreary roots and turns out to be a lot of fun." – Bill Simmons [32:36]
• "I think Hanks is winning." – Chris Ryan [78:58]

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Conclusion In this engaging episode, Bill Simmons and Chris Ryan provide a thorough exploration of "Running Scared," blending critical analysis with personal anecdotes and humor. They highlight both the film's strengths and shortcomings, situating it within the larger context of 1980s cinema and the buddy cop genre. Producer Craig Horlbeck's insights add depth to the discussion, making this episode a valuable listen for anyone interested in revisiting or discovering this classic film.

Transcript

[Todd McShay]

What's happening? It's Todd McShay and I'm back with a new home and a new show at the Ringer and Spotify. The McShay Show. It's a video and audio podcast coming to you year round with all my NFL draft information, big boards, mock drafts and player movement. Plus, I'll be chatting with some of my best friends in football, including some of your favorite football analysts during the week. We'll have episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays that will include discussions about my player rankings, who's rising, who's falling, and who your NFL team should be keeping an eye on. Plus, we'll be reacting each week to the College Football Playoff polls and giving you previews and picks for each Saturday slate. In addition, I'll have episodes on Saturday nights with my immediate reaction to the full day in college football every week. So if you love the college game, the NFL, the draft, or all of it like me, make sure to like, follow, subscribe and get ready for the McShay show on, on the Ringer, Spotify and wherever you watch or listen to podcasts.

[Bill Simmons]

Want to Shop Walmart Black Friday deals first Walmart plus members get early access.

[Chris Ryan]

To our hottest deals.

[Bill Simmons]

Join now and get 50% off a one year annual membership. Shop Black Friday deals first with Walmart Plus. See [e-mail] this is the sound of.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Your ride home with dad after he caught you vaping.

[Bill Simmons]

Awkward, isn't it? Most vapes contain seriously addictive levels of nicotine and disappointment. Know the real cost of vapes brought to you by the fda. The Rewatchables brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network where you find the Watch with Chris Ryan.

[Chris Ryan]

That's right. And Andy Greenwald. But thank you for putting me first.

[Bill Simmons]

He's in London, right?

[Chris Ryan]

He's back and forth a lot.

[Bill Simmons]

He's back and forth, yeah. Was he like a politician? What's going on with that guy? My name is Bill Simmons. You can watch all the clips and videos from this podcast on the Ringer Movies Channel. This is our last time in the weird studio.

[Chris Ryan]

You're getting sentimental.

[Bill Simmons]

Not really.

[Chris Ryan]

Bigger and better things for us.

[Bill Simmons]

How many studios have we taped in? We had in the old Sunset Gower place. We had the chapel, we had PS2, we had PS3. We had your office, there was three. We had my pool house, that's four. We had my office, that's five. And then this was six. And I think we did a couple in Pod City. We had seven locations for the Rewatch show.

[Chris Ryan]

We're just a pair of detectives looking for our Key west bar.

[Bill Simmons]

What was your favorite of all the locations?

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, the chapel was the most unique. And also, we did the town in there.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that is true. The peak of the rewatch was the happiest I've ever seen you in the 13 years we've known each other. Coming up, we are going to finally do a movie that we want to do for a long time. Running Scared is next. Let me tell you something.

[Unknown]

When you've been cops this long, you.

[Bill Simmons]

Are not fit for anything else.

[Unknown]

I can't believe that you missed all six shots.

[Bill Simmons]

What are you talking about? I hit the windshield six times in a row.

[Unknown]

I'm the one who made him swerve.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, you made him swerve.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes, ma'am.

[Bill Simmons]

You always aim low anyway.

[Unknown]

Oh, good. Nagging me now. Nagging is good. You owe me 10 bucks and I never said anything.

[Bill Simmons]

You want it now? Yeah, I want it now. Oh, now you're gonna criticize my driving?

[Unknown]

Well, it's just that you get to do all the dangerous stuff and I get to parallel park. I love this job.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, C.R. so we have a yacht ride documentary as part of the music series that's coming on November 29th on HBO.

[Chris Ryan]

And Max, awesome movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Really fun movie. I just refuse to leave. Anybody wouldn't enjoy the hell out of it. The music's great, but a big person in this is Michael McDonald.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And a lot of people, or maybe just me, have always felt that the Sweet Freedom video from Running Scared was the official end of Yacht Rock.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes. 88.

[Bill Simmons]

Yacht Rock was holding on for like a year and a half, two years. And then we had this video and we had the appearance of the movie, and then yacht rock kind of ends. Although we didn't know it was yacht rock yet. That's what the doc's about. Nobody knew it was a genre for 20 years until it became a genre belatedly.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, it becomes kind of mid-80s leisure core, you know, like this. Maybe a little Weekend at Bernie's. Like, there is like a kind of a cocktail. We start to move into more of a. Like, what if we escaped the islands? What if we had a perma beach life?

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

But the idea of, like, no, like, let's get Steely Dan and let's get a bunch of cocaine and just kind of have a night that kind of disappears.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this all made sense in 1986, that we would have a movie with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines as buddy cops in Chicago, and that the crucial Scene in the movie would be a Michael McDonald Key west scene.

[Chris Ryan]

Cause there be starlight.

[Bill Simmons]

When we're close together. I swear to God, it made sense in 1986. It's still hitting 38 years later. In the same way, I love this movie. But then when they go to Key west, it's like, oh, my God, this is gonna be the best five minutes of my life.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, it's in my mind. This scene and this part of the film was like half an hour or 40 minutes.

[Bill Simmons]

What is it, like four minutes?

[Chris Ryan]

It's like four minutes long. It's like they go there, they basically fall in love with the place. Then they're like, oh, we gotta go back and get.

[Bill Simmons]

They meet hot girls left and right. They learn how to rol. They open a bar.

[Chris Ryan]

They're putting up like, Cam Thomas numbers. But yeah, when you watch this movie, it's basically a pretty by the numbers Chicago cop movie that's very entertaining because of the chemistry of the two detectives. But it has this weird wanderlust with this Key west sequence that kind of makes the entire movie sing.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's also like a different movie and maybe a movie I would have wanted more. As much as I liked Running Scared, I'm totally fine with them just being in Key west, running a bar, and then, like, getting involved with criminals.

[Chris Ryan]

If I just showed somebody you'd never seen Running Scared, that sequence of Key west, they would be like, this is a movie about two guys who were in love who moved to Florida to.

[Bill Simmons]

Open a restaurant bar. If you just pouring beer all over.

[Chris Ryan]

Gregory Hines, like, half Naked Body, you're like, oh, yeah, this is great. This is like, call me by your name.

[Bill Simmons]

But with a bar, the 80s are very homoerotic. The bigger thing is this is a buddy cop. Maybe during the. The first heyday of the Buddy Cops, Buddy cop era, which started with 48 hours Beverly Hills copy count, Running Scared stakeout, Lethal Weapon 1 and 2. I count Turner and Hooch. Even though Hooch was a dog. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

We need to get into the technicalities of this a little bit.

[Bill Simmons]

I count Hooch. That's Buddy Cop to me. It's two cops trying to get together. One just happened to be a slobbering dog. And then Tango and Cash, that's all in the 80s. And then we move into, like, you in the 90s. Bad Boys is the first kind of return younger brother of these movies where it's like, hey, everybody, love those movies. Let's put Will Smith and Martin Lawrence together. And then, you know, we get Rush Hour with the other guys. 21 Jump street, the Heat. Like, it's a recurring theme. But what are your favorites? Give me your top four or five.

[Chris Ryan]

I definitely think that there's, like, there's a Rushmore of this stuff where it's, you know, 48 hours, I think Lethal weapons in there.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I. Which one? One or two?

[Chris Ryan]

I would go two. If you're talking about pure comedy, which is where I feel like you're kind of taking this is.

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's two for Lethal Weapon because they really. And we did that on rewatch. Bizarrely, they really had figured out the characters and the comedy and the balance between.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Because Mel Gibson spends most of the first one in a state of suicidal despair. So it's a little bit of a different vibe than two. See, when you first asked me this, I was also thinking beyond comedy. You still go. You can go into Training Day. You can go into Miami Vice, Michael Manny. You can go into.

[Bill Simmons]

We could be sure. I'm ready to audible and just do my advice. I'm ready to do it right now.

[Chris Ryan]

And then I was also asking you whether or not you would make allowances for ex cops who are now detectives or doing what? Like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Is Midnight Run a buddy cop movie? Is.

[Chris Ryan]

I think it is. I think Jack was a former cop. I think there are lots of cops in it and they are buddies. Eventually in the movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Can we say it's buddy cop adjacent?

[Chris Ryan]

That's fine. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So maybe Turner and Hooch is buddy cop adjacent too. Cause it's a dog. This, to me, is the ultimate buddy cop movie. Because the crucial twist is these guys are best friends and they just love each other.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes. Cause most buddy cop movies are opposites attract.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. It's like, I don't like this guy. Wait, I'm starting to like him. Oh, now we gotta work together. Even bad boys. It's very adversarial the whole movie. This movie is like, these two guys just love each other. They have each other's back. They make jokes. They're always on the same page.

[Chris Ryan]

Each other way more than they love the women in their lives.

[Bill Simmons]

Right, Right. Maybe that might have been why the divorce happened. But I think for me, it's 48 Hours, Lethal Weapon 2, Running Scared. And I would probably put bad boys the first one.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that's my four. So what's your recipe?

[Chris Ryan]

I think I would go to just mix it up. 48 hours, lethal weapon 2, training day. The nice guys.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, interesting.

[Chris Ryan]

The Russell Crowe. Ryan Gosling.

[Bill Simmons]

Got a Lot of requests for the Nice Guys.

[Chris Ryan]

So fucking funny.

[Bill Simmons]

You like that movie, Craig?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I love that movie. I love that.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. It's on the list. Maybe we'll do it in 2002. 25.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay. And if the feed keeps going, we'll do it Nice Guys, Almost Famous, Double Feature. And then I probably go vice.

[Bill Simmons]

Vice.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that.

[Bill Simmons]

See, I don't think that. I think you have to have humor to have it, people.

[Chris Ryan]

I'll do Midnight Run. I'll take my.

[Bill Simmons]

Because if we're just doing Cops, then that opens like French Connection and, like, we're in this whole other universe of cops.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay, so 48 hours to. Sorry, 48 hours. Lethal Weapon 2. The Nice Guys Running Scared. Midnight Run. Those are my five.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Midnight Run counts. That has to be. And so maybe it's those four. And then Midnight Run, it's like the sixth man off the bench. Cause it's not necessarily a buddy cop. I think the two that have to be on there are 48 Hours and Lethal Weapon 2. Yeah, they have to be on every list.

[Chris Ryan]

Both of those exemplify what you're talking about, which is that do these movies basically succeed? Because the actual point of watching them is to see these people become friends rather than whatever the case is. Like, you and I have watched Lethal Weapon 500 times. We know about, like in Lethal Weapon 2, the South African bad guys in Lethal Weapon 2. I always forget who the bad guy is in Running Scared until I'm Fired it up and start watching it again. Cause, like, it's like.

[Bill Simmons]

Spits.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, but the plot is kind of this, like, opaque thing where you're just like, ah. They're just chasing this guy all over Chicago over and over and over again. And it's because the fact that you don't have to worry about. About whether they're gonna become friends. I think you almost concentrate more on the crime part of Running Scared.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And the chase scenes, all that stuff. Couple big elements. I mean, Chicago is used incredibly. We'll get to that later. They're catching two guys at a perfect point in their careers.

[Chris Ryan]

I want to ask you about this.

[Bill Simmons]

Which I think like 48 hours catches Eddie at the. At the beginning of the. You know, the apex. The five years of him flying as close to the sun as you're gonna get as a comedian. And then Nolte had a really good stage of his career, too, right as he's starting to become a cranky older drunk. But he's still handsome enough. But now he's got some baggage. This Movie has Crystal coming out of SNL when he was the star of the 10th season of SNL when they did the all star cast. And he's in there for one year and he goes from being a comedian that everybody liked who was on Soap TV show from 50 years ago to becoming a real star, a comedy star. That made you want to know what his. What his movie was gonna be. You knew the movie was coming halfway through that season and this was the movie. And then Hines. I think people really liked Hines. I actually. I wanna talk. We could talk about this now or later. I don't know why he wasn't a bigger movie star other than. I don't think there were like a ton of black actor parts.

[Chris Ryan]

I think that's really the reason that was a big draw for him for this role was to get to play a fully fleshed out character. We get to have sex with women and make jokes and be an equal partner in a partnership with a white guy.

[Bill Simmons]

Make a 20 footer and Chicago Colt. Yeah. So Gregory Hines, he makes. He's a tap dancer. He's like this great dancer in real life. And he's in History of the World, Part 1, Mel Brooks, a movie that I love. I don't know if it's age.

[Chris Ryan]

Probably great, it's been a long time.

[Bill Simmons]

But yeah, it might have to be in what's aged the worst month. But he was a replacement for Richard Pryor. Cause Richard Pryor had the free basing accent. Richard Pryor was supposed to be in that scene. So Hines. And he's really good. He was supposed to be in 48 hours and dropped out because he got this big part in Cotton Club, which was the Coppola movie everyone thought was going to be massive. It wasn't. And then he was in White Nights with Baryshnikov. Baryshnikov, which was kind of a big deal movie in 1985. It was a big deal. He was in a movie. I didn't love it, but it was a thing. And then running scared. But it never, never really 100% happened for him. So why is it just as simple as there weren't enough parts for black actors?

[Chris Ryan]

I think it probably comes down to that. There's. It's funny, if you just watched this movie, you would think that he'd made 10 other movies like this. Though he seems very at home doing this kind of like city action wisecracking, action thriller. Yeah, he seems very comfortable shooting a gun and running around and making jokes with Billy Crystal. And that was the thing that actually I think really like, is sad is like his comic chops are kind of on the level of Crystal's in this movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

They're doing this funny thing where Gregory Hines, being a dancer, you would expect him to be physically capable. Crystal's cut like Crystal when he dances.

[Bill Simmons]

He had like a six pack. My wife noticed that. She's like, jesus, Billy Crystal.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. So there's like almost this weird, like, if you project forward, could Gregory Hines have done a bunch of Danny Glover, Denzel Washington roles? And could Billy Crystal have done more of the, like, masculine Tom Hanks roles of the 90s if like, things had changed, like, broken differently? Like, it's. They all. They wind up going on these separate paths and never really doing something like Running Scared again.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Crystal has that SNL season. He's second billing in Running Scared, which speaks to like he was a TV star that nobody knew if he could carry a movie yet. It's Princess Brad, Throw Mama from the Train, When Harry Met Sally, it blows up. And then City Slickers. And that's all from 86 to 91. He's hosting the Oscars by then and becomes like a plus list. Billy Crystal never did another cop movie like this. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

He's like. But also the thing he gets famous for, like, being a nebbish guy who wears chunky sweaters. And in this movie he's like, I like the Cubs. I like women drinking beer and like having police involved shootings.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I had this later for the. For the hottest take. I'm just gonna do it now. They left so much money on the table with this.

[Chris Ryan]

I know, I know.

[Bill Simmons]

I just don't understand it. I don't understand how there weren't four of these. Cause first of all, this movie did pretty well when it came out. But then it was just on cable for five straight years and everybody loved this movie and everybody and Billy Crystal got bigger. And it's a little like at some point it's just common sense. Like, let's run it back. Lethal Weapon did this.

[Chris Ryan]

He got so big for a different kind of thing than Running Scared that he didn't want to go back and do Running Scared.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, I don't know if anyone. I've never had a. On my podcast. I would love to have him. I don't know whether he felt like he was becoming like family friendly Oscars guy and didn't want to do another movie where he had like guns and R rated movie with bad guys. It's the only thing I can think Of.

[Chris Ryan]

Because Danny in this movie is like the polar opposite of the guy who plays in City Slickers.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah. I'll go further. I don't think he's ever played a guy remotely like this again. I mean, this guy has nothing in common with any other character he played. It would almost be like if Ben Stiller was this guy, was Danny Costanzo.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And then it just like never anything again. Like it.

[Chris Ryan]

They kind of. So this script was a screenplay that had been written about, like, two older cops who really want to retire.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And it was supposed to be kind of like these grizzled guys at the end of their careers in New York City. And so maybe the reason why this whole thing works is because it wasn't like, written for Crystal. Yeah, it was. Here's a script. Here's an idea. We're going to make these guys younger. And then obviously, when you watch it, whether it's like improvised and then written or improvised on the set, like, so much of the dialogue seems like it's just coming from these guys.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And you could feel it. I don't know if they filmed it in sequence, but it feels like it does. And you can just feel them getting better with each other as the movie's going along, which I think 48 Hours had that too. Bad Boys definitely had it. Lethal Weapon 2 definitely had it. Like, the more the guys spend together, if they time spend together, if they like each other, you start to feel it in the movie and that's. We've seen a lot of movies where they throw the cops together and you don't have that.

[Chris Ryan]

Absolutely.

[Bill Simmons]

But it's like, ah. I'm not sure why this didn't work.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, also the, you know, in those kinds of movies you can at least be like, well, these guys, the characters don't like each other. So if the chemistry's not perfect yet, that's fine. In this movie, these guys have to be best friends. From when the movie. From the first scene, from the title sequence. They're like, we spend all of our time with each other. I walk in when this guy's having sex with a woman with donuts. Like, that has to be like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. You've known each other for 24. It's like in fantasy.

[Chris Ryan]

That's right.

[Bill Simmons]

When you walk in on fantasy in co eds. Yeah. So we had. I think Bad Boys was the younger brother. And then we had that whole era with the sons of these movies, which I think the other guys is in there and. Nice guys.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

21 Jump street definitely is inspired by both the 80s plus this. The Heat, I think, is really good. It's on the rewatchables list that the movie's kind of underrated, actually. I think it did well. It's good. But I actually think it should have, like, a second tale.

[Chris Ryan]

The Heat also has, like, a really good YouTube channel. Like, it's basically, like, all the bloopers and stuff from the Heat. It's kind of like Anchorman, where it's, like, almost as good as the scenes in the movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. This movie has another big picture thing, the aspirational bar thing, which is core to core to your character, your beliefs. These guys are. They're in Chicago. It's freezing cold. They're getting shot at. They're dealing with all these scumbags in low lives. And they both have this epiphany like, why are we doing this? And they go to Florida, they go to Key West.

[Chris Ryan]

They take Aunt Rose's.

[Bill Simmons]

They take Aunt Rose's 40 grand, and they have this great time. And they're looking at a bar, and they're like, bar Felise. Why wouldn't. We could just live here and this could be our life. And he talks Gregory Hines into it. And all of a sudden, they're at the bank, and you're just like, yeah, guys, why don't you just do this? Get out of the Chicago life. I haven't seen a movie like this. Really ask that question.

[Chris Ryan]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, why are we doing this? Why am I putting my life on the line for this asshole detective for barely any money? I'm going to get replaced by these two younger cops that are just going to take my spot. What's the point?

[Chris Ryan]

I think that if they had just stayed in Key West. This is, like, one of my 10 favorite movies.

[Bill Simmons]

And they open a bar, and then Gonzalez comes down, and it becomes like he sends guys to play.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm gonna make the keys into my, like, major cocaine highway. That would have been awesome. Yeah. It's basically like. It is cocktail and for, like, five minutes in this movie. And then you're like, I just want them to stay here and hang out.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. When Cruz. When Flanagan's in Jamaica.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it's just like this one part of the movie, but it's the best part of the movie. And it's also the part of the movie where you're like, this could have just been the movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know if we needed the before or after. Obviously we did.

[Chris Ryan]

There's a lot of stuff shout out to this film. Though, for the most part, I think the most used location in this film is that bar in Chicago that they're.

[Bill Simmons]

In, which I feel like I've seen in 40 other Chicago movies.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. And it's like all these things that are very, like, old bar, like, hot peanuts and, you know, everybody's drinking, like, on tap.

[Bill Simmons]

There's, like, a framed Cubs, like, shiny helmet poster. Let's take a break, and then I want to talk about Chicago mid-80s movies. This episode is supported by a State Farm. Think about your first reaction after you have an accident. What do you do? You scream, oh, no. Or, man, why did this happen? On the flip side, let's say you buy a new car or you lease a new car. Get in there and it smells great. And you're like, man, this is awesome. But just remember, really, the only words you need to remember are like, a good neighbor. State Farm is there. They've got options to fit your unique insurance needs, meaning you can talk to your agent to choose the coverage you need, have coverage options to protect the things you value most, file claim right on the State Farm mobile app, and even reach a real person when you need to talk to somebody. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. The holidays are back at Starbucks, and there's so much to share with classics like caramel brulee latte, peppermint mocha, and chestnut praline latte. We're celebrating everyone's flavor of festivity. Order yours in the app. All right, so we've done this before, but it's too important not to do again. This crazy run Chicago has in the mid-80s with movies which came a lot from, like, I think, the mayor, and they're trying to, like, get people to film there and make money from. From there. But just in the mid-80s, about last night, Running scared. Code of Silence with Chuck Norris, a movie that I support, and the moment you text me and like, let's do Code of Silence. I'm in Ferris Bueller. Which count. Uncle Buck.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I would count the Hughes.

[Bill Simmons]

All the Hughes movies. They're, like, suburban.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

But Ferris, definitely. Adventures of Babysitting. Color of Money.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Above the lot with Seagal and the Untouchables.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. And they're all.

[Bill Simmons]

And there's like, 50 more, but those are, like, the big ones. And they're all filming in and around Chicago for, like, four years, I would say.

[Chris Ryan]

You could even say it starts with thief in 81.

[Bill Simmons]

Yep.

[Chris Ryan]

And it goes to the Fugitive.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, Blue. It starts with Blues Brothers.

[Chris Ryan]

Blues Brothers. And it goes. And Thief, Blues Brothers and Thief. All the way through the Fugitive.

[Bill Simmons]

It has this crazy, crazy, amazing pop culture decade in Chicago that. That just goes away.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's not just the city. It's in the suburbs, around it. Risky businesses in there. It's all over the place. And I don't know what happens in the 90s.

[Chris Ryan]

It just is a great architectural city.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And it's so distinctive. And the best part about this movie is how they use Chicago as a playground. Like, there are shootouts and scenes in places where you're like, why are they at the convention center? You know, like, why. Why are they at the Illinois State Capital Government Center? But it.

[Bill Simmons]

They're driving on the tracks. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

It's all the stuff with the L is awesome. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Chicago also has that great. That overhanging subway where when there's shootouts, you. You kind of always know where you are in the city. I think Boston used to be like that. It's a little. Because they got rid of some of the Over.

[Chris Ryan]

Some of the overground subways. Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

But it's pretty cool when you kind of know where you are. There's that great airport chase as well. So, yeah. Chicago Ferris probably still is the number one how it uses downtown Chicago. But I think about last night, Start to Finish is like an amazing Chicago movie.

[Chris Ryan]

There's also something about the fact that they do it in winter in Chicago. Like, there's something very funny when those guys take their pants off and they're both wearing long johns. They brought in foam to like make snow. Cause they clearly wanted to have winter in that city to be a huge character in this.

[Bill Simmons]

We didn't do about last night. Why haven't we done that?

[Chris Ryan]

I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

I went on Rob Lowe's podcast. Did you really Slash show a couple days ago to promote the yacht rock thing. It's not out yet. And I just like immediately turned on him. I just started asking about 80s movies. And how about last night? Creative rom coms.

[Chris Ryan]

Was he wearing the NFL hat?

[Bill Simmons]

No, he wasn't. But it's like about last night really.

[Chris Ryan]

Did create the rom com of all those movies and stuff.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah. I don't know if he's proud of Hotel New Hampshire. And I think there's. Maybe one might have taken that one back, but. All right. A couple other people in this movie. A couple Joey Pants.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, a sneak.

[Bill Simmons]

We named the that guy category after Joey Pants. But then there was like a backlash because he's definitely Joey Pants. And I don't know, maybe we have to come with another name. But this is his 80s run of midnight Run, Risky Business, Eddie and the Cruisers and then eventually Fugitive and Bad Boys and he becomes Joe Pan and Leano at some point. I don't feel like in running Scared, he's Joe Pan and Leano, yet he's that guy who is Guido the killer pimp.

[Chris Ryan]

The all time 80s hood is like Snake wearing his like secondhand overcoat and his like red mohawk with like some sort.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, some sort of color at the top. Were you excited to see Joey Pants, Craig?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Always am. Love him all time. Grimy dirtbag.

[Bill Simmons]

Were you expecting it?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm always expecting Joey Pants in.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't blame him if it's in the 80s. You just have to assume he's coming. So he's great in this. I know you have some Darlan. Darlan Flugel, one of the worst names of any leading actress as Anna Darlan Pflugel. But she was in your beloved to Live and die in la.

[Chris Ryan]

She sure was.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, she was in this. She was in season one of Crime Story, the Michael Mann TV show. And then Everything Peaks and Lockup was Sly Stallone. Yeah, but pretty short run for Darlan.

[Chris Ryan]

But she look, I mean, it's like she came. She came through the league and she set it on fire and then she just retired early. It's like Andrew Lush.

[Bill Simmons]

She looks great. Yeah. If her name is. If her name is Julia Roberts. Is she in like 10 more years of movies?

[Chris Ryan]

I think that she does not have like the screen presence of say, a Rebecca De Mornay. While I personally really find her very charming.

[Bill Simmons]

And yeah, she's charming, not like super.

[Chris Ryan]

But she is not like magnetic where it's like I have a ton of onscreen charisma.

[Bill Simmons]

It's probably the run she should have had, but it's a run that I appreciate and I have no idea how to say her name. The music video is a crucial part of this movie. It was on MTV all the time. Michael McDonald. I encourage people to watch it. Michael McDonald actually is in scenes. I think they flew him down there when they were filming the movie. He's in like crystal Hind stuff. Those guys are overselling it. And it's kind of when they learned how to market a movie with a music video right around here.

[Chris Ryan]

This was a thing that definitely was a huge deal in the 80s. It goes all the way up through like Terminator 2 where you have somehow like the movie bleeds into the music video. But it's unique to the music video footage. So in the music video for Sweet Freedom. Hines and Crystal are like, oh, we got a postcard from Mike down in Key West. We got to go visit him. It's like a whole other narrative. And, yeah, you were wanting to make the yacht rock connection. This is the first movie I thought of when you were like, we gotta do a yacht rock movie. Because it's like, explicitly broadcasting. Like, this is the vibe of this movie. It's a hangout and it's a party.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm gonna read our exact text chain. As we were trying to figure out what to do with the rewatchables, and I texted you, there's a lot of Embiid tweets.

[Chris Ryan]

I think you were like, were we too hard on Embiid in the pod?

[Bill Simmons]

No, that's true.

[Chris Ryan]

And then I sent you the tweet about Joel. Embiid's doing a mole hunt.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Well, you also texted me I was googling the long term effects of Bell's palsy was a text from you. So I texted. Was trying to think of a good yacht rock movie because the doc comes out next week. And you just texted back, running scared with an exclamation point. And my text back was, oh, yeah, that was easy. And that was it. Yeah, that was how he landed on this one. Directed by Peter Hyams.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Written by Gary devore and Jimmy Huston. I don't know who did the music video. McDonald talked about after how he was super uncomfortable filming it. And that. That's a little bit of what our yacht rock doc is about, is. Yeah, those guys were having a great run. And then music videos, when you have to look good and that and you have to be actors in videos. And those guys are like, what? What do I have?

[Chris Ryan]

These guys were session cats. Yeah, they were.

[Bill Simmons]

They wanted you to listen to their music.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You feel the same way about pods going to video, Right?

[Bill Simmons]

That was when we were trying to get you to be on video for the first time.

[Chris Ryan]

I was like, no, man, it's all about the audio fidelity.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You really are the Michael McDonald of pods. You're going from pod to pod.

[Chris Ryan]

I wish. I should start like a Steely Dan type thing where I just keep firing Andy.

[Bill Simmons]

Replacing the session podcast.

[Chris Ryan]

No. Agree with me more.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. The budget. Don't know what it was. No record of it, but it made 38.5 million, so I'm guessing it made money. It was the 26th biggest movie of 1986. You mailed me or you texted me a list of movies from 86 that were all in the theater at the same time.

[Chris Ryan]

This is the weekend that Running Scared came out.

[Bill Simmons]

Go ahead, rattle it up.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay. Number one, Karate Kid, Part two. Top of the box.

[Bill Simmons]

Saw in the theater.

[Chris Ryan]

Back to school. Rodney Dangerfield.

[Bill Simmons]

Some of the funniest scenes of the 80s.

[Chris Ryan]

Legal Eagles. So we get a little Darrell.

[Bill Simmons]

I liked it.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Ruthless People.

[Bill Simmons]

Solid.

[Chris Ryan]

Running Scared.

[Bill Simmons]

Amazing.

[Chris Ryan]

Top Gun. After being out for how long?

[Bill Simmons]

Re Released. Top Gun. Great.

[Chris Ryan]

Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

[Bill Simmons]

Awesome.

[Chris Ryan]

Labyrinth. Bowie.

[Bill Simmons]

Nah, I didn't like that one.

[Chris Ryan]

American Anthem.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah. Mitch Gaylord the Gymnast. One of the six worst sports movies of all time. Janet Jackson, that. Really? Yeah. If we ever do worst sports movies ever month.

[Chris Ryan]

American Anthem.

[Bill Simmons]

American Anthem and Jim Carter are two of the four.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I love you knowing that that's one of the six worst sports movies of all time.

[Bill Simmons]

Absolutely one of the worst movies you've ever seen. They were trying to capitalize off his 1984 gold medal. So he's playing like, his name's like, Mike Gayson.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, it's like. His name's like, barely different. And he's like a guy who's like. He could be. It's like basically a Tom Cruise part.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

His own worst enemy is himself, but he's got so much talent, and his girlfriend believes in him. And Jaina Jones is the girlfriend. That's how she became Jada Jones.

[Chris Ryan]

American Anthem, number 10. Cobra number 11. Short Circuit. There are 11 movies in the theaters that you would basically be like, I'll see that this weekend.

[Bill Simmons]

So we've done four of those on the rewatchables, and I don't know why we haven't done Back to School yet. I honestly don't know.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, you know, Back to School. Craig Rodney Dangerfield, he's a. It's a movie that would be. We actually should do it because it's about. He's this rich guy who decides to go back to college so he can get a degree so he'll be taken more seriously, and he just does offensive rich guy stuff for two hours.

[Chris Ryan]

You were asking for ringer movies, video ideas. First for Body Double. We came up with. You start going to acting classes to fuck with people.

[Bill Simmons]

You should go back to college, set up murders. Yeah, if I go back at another.

[Chris Ryan]

Masters with Ben, that'd be great.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll go with them. We can room together. We're starting to think about colleges next summer, next spring. Roger Ebert, three stars.

[Chris Ryan]

He liked it.

[Bill Simmons]

Running Scared is yet another movie about street smart cops who are best buddies wise, cracking their way through one hair raising situation after another. I just want to pause there. Settle down, Raj. There was only like three of those. I don't. It wasn't like there was a slew of these coming out. Yeah, and by the way, more should have come out. So settle down, Raj. This genre so overpopulated again. Settle down. It hardly seems like we need one more example. And yet Running Scare transcends its dreary roots and turns out to be a lot of fun. Most of the fun comes from Heinz, Crystal, et cetera, et cetera.

[Chris Ryan]

In his review for the Times, I think Vincent Camby says the same thing much more negatively. And I think was referencing the fact that there was a ton of this stuff on TV too. So he's like, you'd be better served staying home and watching Cagney and Lacey or Miami Vice.

[Bill Simmons]

So maybe that was the issue, is that people were ripping off 48 hours with TV shows and that's what people were not responding to. All right, today's most rewatchable scene brought to you by the Home Depot. Spread more joy with the Home Depot's giant holiday decor and make your home something that people want to see again and again and again. It's almost time to buy the Christmas tree, Chris.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm going to go do it today.

[Bill Simmons]

At the Home Depot. There's a huge choice of lights, trees, and decorations, of course, but you can go really big with larger than life decor. Maybe that's a tree you can put together in a few clicks like the Grand Duchess. Or an eight foot towering Santa with poseable arms and a flame of fast. Can't believe they haven't sent this to me, Craig.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'll get on it.

[Bill Simmons]

Come on. The Home depot or an 8 and a half foot towering reindeer with illuminated flashing bells. I would have that too. The Home Depot for a real blockbuster holiday season. All right, rewatchable scenes. I mean, this movie starts with a pickup basketball scene where people get punched and then there's a chase. What else do we want? Yeah, what else do we want? We get no autopsy, no foul. I think Billy Crystal created that. He sees a Mercedes in a bad neighborhood and goes, Mercedes is a probable cause. Good line. We get a chase scene with snake Joe Pantoliano, who's carrying 50k, and then we get. We just have to have Craig play this whole thing. Crystal. It's like they do the move. This is one of my favorite action movie comedy moves of this guy has something and instead of us bringing him.

[Chris Ryan]

In, we're gonna get him in more trouble.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we're gonna leave him, hang him out to dry in the neighborhood. And he basically tells everyone, hey, this guy's $50,000.

[Unknown]

This block is being designated a neighbo.

[Chris Ryan]

What's he doing? Rich people make him crazy.

[Unknown]

There's a guy up here named Snake. He's wearing garage sale clothes and the top of his hair looks like a parakeet. He also has $50,000 in small bills in a briefcase. As his neighbors, it's your responsibility to make sure there are no suspicious characters or evil perpetrators lurking in the area who would seek to do him harm. Again, $50,000 in small bills, tax free in a briefcase right in this apartment.

[Chris Ryan]

I cannot leave this podcast without asking you this question. Yeah, what's the coldest weather you've ever played Pickup in taking it so seriously.

[Bill Simmons]

I really appreciate the question.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like, what's your stance on fluoride and drinking water? Feels like.

[Bill Simmons]

So pickup.

[Chris Ryan]

Outdoor pickup. Shooting around, shooting bucks.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think this cold. I think shooting by myself. Definitely this cold.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you know how much these guys.

[Bill Simmons]

Fucking love basketball out there in 28.

[Chris Ryan]

Degree weather in Chicago in the winter to be shooting hoops?

[Bill Simmons]

My issue is there's no way the court wouldn't have like ice patches and like, terrible things that could happen.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you think this is just the power of.

[Bill Simmons]

Of.

[Chris Ryan]

Would this be rookie Michael Jordan?

[Bill Simmons]

Second year Michael Jordan, he's just sweeping.

[Chris Ryan]

Chicago with basketball fever that they're keeping warm with air Jordans.

[Bill Simmons]

This might honestly be Apex Mountain for Chicago. They're filming all these movies and Jordan's about to be like a rocket ship.

[Chris Ryan]

And Crystal and Hines are basically spending the entire time promoting the Sox and the Cubs.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah. This is a great scene. Also, I like for a short scene, Snake and the police lineup next to the four cops. That's him. That's the one. Snake gets killed. Tough one.

[Chris Ryan]

That's where the movie kind of takes this weird turn where I'm like, I guess we're going to shoot each other in the head with Uzis.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like, oh, this is rated R. Yeah. Okay. He makes a Columbia necktie reference too. The entire Key west sequence, which I can't believe how many categories this swept. I'm just going to all do them now.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

The Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness award for best needle drop. Great shot Gordo award for most cinematic shot. The sunset. I mean, you go like multiple.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, what about great shot Gordo for the matching tits T shirts that they're wearing.

[Bill Simmons]

You can do That I had that for Fortune 3 CLAP award for most gifable moment. Den of thieves, Benihana scene, stealing location, Key West.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. I had the Illinois State Building. But yes.

[Bill Simmons]

It starts out with we're watching the sunset with like the most gorgeous blonde possible.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And Heinz and Crystal. Just a unspoken. Now this one's for you and Heinz. They do like a little switch. But then later, two white girls on the boat, which was a big deal. And that. Yeah. I. By the way, I should mention Van Lathan. We always said we would do this with him. He's devastated. He should be here. He's in New York City this week. We realized we want to do this for the yacht Rock Doc and we don't have Van. I think Van would have had a lot of thoughts, but. Yeah. I don't remember seeing that in a movie like this. First of all, Gregory Hines getting laid, which I had for Woodstage the best because they were always careful with that.

[Chris Ryan]

Multiple times. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. He's just all types of women for Greg in this one. But we have them on the Honda.

[Chris Ryan]

Elite scooters with the quick cut. Every time it cuts. They have different girls on the back of the scooter.

[Bill Simmons]

Little known fact, those Honda Elite scooters, the exact one that I crashed 40 miles an hour and almost died. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Did you. So what did. What injuries did you walk away with?

[Bill Simmons]

A lot.

[Chris Ryan]

Really?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

It's fine. I'm here now. The boobs, T shirts and the roller skates.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Danny talks Ray into buying a bar. I feel like it would be this easy for you for like you just.

[Chris Ryan]

If you were just like, you want to buy a bar?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Like we were just next to a bar that had a lease and I was like, should we buy this?

[Chris Ryan]

I think about this three times a week.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Promise me we will get robbed a lot. Roller skating out of the bank.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Every piece of this. I think it's one of the most perfect four minutes of the 80s.

[Chris Ryan]

There are three things that you've already forgotten. Gregory Hines, Walter Payton jersey.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

Jacked crystal.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Like completely jacked crystal.

[Bill Simmons]

Six pack crystal.

[Chris Ryan]

And the fact that these guys never seem to hook up with women alone. They're always having kind of like a.

[Bill Simmons]

Group of so early swingers.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Did this movie create swinging? Important question. Is it time to retire the Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness award and rename it the Michael McDonald Sweet Freedom Award?

[Chris Ryan]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you think, Craig?

[Craig Horlbeck]

My generation says hell no.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we do have to appeal to the younger Kids.

[Chris Ryan]

That's right. The Zoomers.

[Craig Horlbeck]

The kids love Kid Cudi, you know?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. All right, fine. The little kid leading in the Gonzalez. I like that scene.

[Chris Ryan]

The apartment building shootout is awesome.

[Bill Simmons]

Ablo. Smith and Wesson, put your guns down.

[Unknown]

You're under arrest.

[Bill Simmons]

No English.

[Unknown]

Oh, hablo. Smith and Wesson, you have the right to remain dead. Anything you do will be used against you. You have the right to a coroner. If you cannot afford one, we will appoint a medical examiner for you.

[Bill Simmons]

You have the right to a corner. Crystal's got great lines.

[Chris Ryan]

We'll get you a medical examiner.

[Bill Simmons]

Really good. Really good. Stairway, chase scene. Throw in the pants. I enjoy all that. We have an airport chase scene where this movie becomes ronin for like three minutes.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. The second half of this movie feels much longer than the first half just because of the amount of chase sequence after chase sequence after chase sequence.

[Bill Simmons]

I like driving on the train tracks. I like when Gonzalez lifts the cab up and it seems like they're crushed to death. And then the ending. Look, we get the double elevator.

[Chris Ryan]

Awesome.

[Bill Simmons]

Julio, you want your Coke? Come and get it. Michael, my Coke.

[Chris Ryan]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

My Coke.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Come on.

[Bill Simmons]

Come and get it. Get my Coke.

[Chris Ryan]

There you go.

[Bill Simmons]

My Coke. I got him. No, I got him. Good inning. All right, so we don't even need to negotiate this one.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. What are we doing? That was today's most rewatchable scene brought to you by the Home Depot. Spread more joy this holiday season. Really go big with the Home Depot's giant larger than life holiday decor shop now in store online at Home Depot.

[Chris Ryan]

You need to get an eight foot Jimmy Smith who screams my Coke outside of your house. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What's the most 1986 thing about this movie? Jimmy Smith is a bad guy. The song Sweet Freedom by Michael McDonald being shoehorned in. In a great way, the Walter Payton jersey that you mentioned. This is also the year the Bears won the Super Bowl. See, this was Apex bound for Chicago.

[Chris Ryan]

We know you can skip apex.

[Bill Simmons]

85 bears, Jordan. A million movies being filmed in there. What else did we want?

[Chris Ryan]

We also have the 80.

[Bill Simmons]

The 1983 White Sox cap, awesome hat, which is like a specific, like, cool looking White Sox cap. Darlan flugel. Feels very 1986 to me. Joey pants with hair.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And the Honda Elite scooters.

[Chris Ryan]

What about the. Just the preponderance of roller skating as a mode of transportation. And it's something that people, like, did all the time for fun.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Now those would be those, like, stupid blue bikes that Craig drives around. Drive those the Blue bikes. E. Blue bikes, whatever. Those little.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Aren't those in New York more than they are in la?

[Bill Simmons]

No, they're in la.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you ride rented bikes around? No.

[Bill Simmons]

He's a big blue bike guy.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, I love them. I play pods out loud.

[Bill Simmons]

I actually think the most 86 thing is the Honda Elites. Because remember, there was a big ad campaign that year for those and it just feels like a very era specific. Like you never see them anymore. I guess they've turned into the blue bikes.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I think we. I would love to have like a scooter revolution in this country. Not the lime scooters where they just leave them outside your house, but like the actual. Like, I have a scooter. This is how I get around town.

[Bill Simmons]

Those things would go like 55.

[Chris Ryan]

Like, I tested those limits.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I used to take it on the highway with no helmet.

[Chris Ryan]

Where did you get your accident?

[Bill Simmons]

On side street.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay, but what happened? You took a back. Like a turn too fast or what?

[Bill Simmons]

Old lady cut in front of me. Oh, yeah. Who died in natural causes six months later, right then. Oh, okay, that's great. That has not aged the best. What's aged the best? Ray Hughes and Danny Costanza.

[Chris Ryan]

This is literally what I've written down. Is there any more, like, absolutely archetypal cop names.

[Bill Simmons]

Danny Costanza is really starred a bad guy in Chicago wanting to be the next Al Capone. I miss it.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Al Capone. I don't know.

[Chris Ryan]

He's trying to like, make himself like, more presentable by like, where he's moving as business ties. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

People still knew who Al Capone, you know, Capone is Craig.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, I'm aware.

[Bill Simmons]

It's like 100 years old at this point.

[Chris Ryan]

He invented blue bikes.

[Bill Simmons]

What else do you have?

[Chris Ryan]

I have Dan Hedaya slash Angry Lieutenants.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

Just. I don't. I don't feel. I feel like we. Because it became such a trope and a cliche, we've moved away from the angry lieutenant.

[Bill Simmons]

No, but it started. It was 70s TV.

[Chris Ryan]

It was Inspector Todd.

[Bill Simmons]

48 hours. Inspector Todd. And then it became. It became like a joke to have an angry lieutenant.

[Chris Ryan]

I wish you would kind of sometimes get a little Inspector Todd with me and be like, ryan, get in my fucking office. Like, you know, just for no reason.

[Bill Simmons]

The hell is going on in the watch? Why are you talking about disclaimer? That show sucks.

[Chris Ryan]

The mayor chewed my ass out. The mayor chewed his ass out. And now I'm chewing your ass out.

[Bill Simmons]

I got Daniel Ek on the phone wondering why we're talking about Apple shows. Get the fuck out of my office. What stage? The best.

[Chris Ryan]

That's right, Bill. I work up on the edge.

[Bill Simmons]

That's right. I like Apple shows.

[Chris Ryan]

Presumed Innocent was really good.

[Bill Simmons]

Dude. I was good. I hope there's a season two fuck you. A buddy cop movie that has rival buddy cops.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, if we ever read an action movie, it's definitely the two guys. But there's two up and comers that give them shit constantly.

[Chris Ryan]

Also the part that's clearly a part from the movie that they wrote for way older cops.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

Because Stephen Bauer and the other guy are the same age as Gregory Hines.

[Bill Simmons]

Right, Right. It's like they're a.

[Chris Ryan]

But they're like, oh, these young bucks. But like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, speaking of Stephen Bauer, everything that.

[Chris Ryan]

Guy fucking wears and says and does in this movie is amazing.

[Bill Simmons]

I wrote mid-80s Stephen Bauer. You can smell the cocaine coming off him.

[Chris Ryan]

No. Was he clean by this point? Wasn't that the whole body double, whatever.

[Bill Simmons]

He'S going for in this?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, he's.

[Bill Simmons]

He looks like Dirk Diggler when he's going to that guy's house.

[Chris Ryan]

There's one scene where he's got like an overcoat over his vest, over like a flannel shirt. Like, I love the Chicago layering, the cream.

[Bill Simmons]

Crazy beard. He looks like he hasn't showered in a month. Amazing job by him. This nice little Stephen Bauer run. Scarface. Thief of hearts, this movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Nice little run. Here's one for you specifically. The bad guy in the movie who does something horrible and then ends up right back on the streets followed by the cops going, he's back out in the streets. Does this happen in real life?

[Chris Ryan]

No, I have that for what's the worst.

[Bill Simmons]

But it has to. It's an essential for like.

[Chris Ryan]

What do you mean? The witness recanted their statement?

[Bill Simmons]

How is he out?

[Chris Ryan]

This guy fucking kills another person with an Uzi right in front of these guys. Like, we can't make it stick. I'm like, swear an affidavit.

[Bill Simmons]

What is a picky. It's a witch age. The worst. It's also what stage the best Because I feel like it's a staple of all these movies.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You can't keep a bad guy in jail. He's just going to get out.

[Chris Ryan]

I also have what's aged the best. This never happens anymore, but it was one of my favorite things is characters in movies and tv but also in real life. Just like barging into someone's house uninvited, like every time. Crystal Goes into Gregory Hines apartment and turns on the police siren and stuff like that. Kind of like boners. Just coming over to Mike's house on Growing Page.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. I really unannounced stop bys in the 80s. We didn't have text, we didn't have email, nobody had cell phones. You just kind of dropped you're home.

[Chris Ryan]

From practice and your friend was randomly in your kitchen looking in your cabinets.

[Bill Simmons]

They do that anymore, correct?

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, we still do that.

[Chris Ryan]

When is the last time somebody randomly stopped by without letting you know? It was just like I was.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I have no memory of that in my life.

[Bill Simmons]

I was walking home yesterday from getting a coffee and I stopped by my friends Howard and Marnie's house. Cause they live like five blocks from checks.

[Chris Ryan]

Like I'm right outside.

[Bill Simmons]

I just did an unannounced stop by. I rang the door. Cause I knew Marnie is a Steelers fan. I knew she was going to be home because the game was on in like 40 minutes and she was delighted to see me. We had a great little five minute walk. I had my coffee. I never came in. I just left. I was like, this is what the 80s were like. Did you just stop by and said hi to people?

[Chris Ryan]

Do you remember what you do to me where you're just like, here's all the reasons why the Steelers aren't a real super bowl candidate.

[Bill Simmons]

Or like, no, I did. So she's like, no, it's the Browns. We're going to win. But I'm, I still want to watch. I'm like, be nervous. It's going to snow. It's Mike Tomlin. He's owing seven on Thursday. It's like, dude, like you're going to be sweating this game up.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm sure she would like. Thanks for coming by, Bill.

[Bill Simmons]

So a dead bad guy coming down an escalator. Yes, another one. Just mark that down for our movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So like how the guy the bumps. Like I just like it. Dan Hidaya saying you are the detectives go and detect young Jimmy Smits eventually became the President of the United States on West Wing.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Matt Santa toast.

[Bill Simmons]

The big shootout when he says, promise, promise you'll go without me to Florida. And he's like, okay, I do. And he's like, you'd go without me. I really like the poster. The show. What's my camera? That's the poster.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh right. Because of the, the graffiti on the.

[Bill Simmons]

And notice Gregory Hines to the left of Billy Crystal in the poster. Running Scared two of Chicago's finest. Question mark. Good poster.

[Chris Ryan]

Speaking of that poster and the car in it, I miss lots of places used to do this company cars, the carpool. And my dad used to, when he worked at the Enquirer, used to have one of five Chevy Cavaliers that you could just take.

[Bill Simmons]

She did it at the ring. I was kind of just Jack Sanders taking out our Ringer Prius. Where is it? I don't know. Jack had it two days ago.

[Chris Ryan]

And then it comes back and it says unmarked police.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm going to. I'm going to check with Daniel. I got to smooth out this Apple TV thing with him.

[Chris Ryan]

See if you can make Bridge. Bridge the gap there.

[Bill Simmons]

Any other would say is the best.

[Chris Ryan]

I just had the derision people had for croissants back in the 80s and, like, 80s, I really missed that before, like, cafe culture really hit America. It was like, croissant, you want a croissant?

[Bill Simmons]

Our hatred for the French really gave me fuel in the 80s, and I still try to keep it alive. The Big Kahuna Burger Award, Best use of food and drink. Really strong birthday cake. That was all I got.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, all of the, like, just draft pilsner that they drink, I think is probably up there. And I bet they had some pretty good seafood in Key West. They pull it right out of the ocean. The lobster and the squid.

[Bill Simmons]

I forgot to mention the what stage the best.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, also the lunch that the girls serve on the. When they're like, lunch and it's like.

[Bill Simmons]

Margaritas and shit, that's the winner.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I forgot to mention on what stage the best. Something about Chicago bars look great in movies.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

And the best one is the About Last Night bar. Yes, I think that might be that one. And what was that bar that we said it was used in the Godfather. The Verdict used it and pretended it was in Boston. Whatever.

[Chris Ryan]

That bar was a New York bar in the Lower east side in Alphabet City or something like that. But it was in. It's. It's been used in a bunch of movies no matter where they are.

[Bill Simmons]

This. This bar in this movie is a really strong one.

[Chris Ryan]

It's. Yeah. I don't know if they shot this on a soundstage or what. But, like, I love the fact that these guys use this bar as their living room.

[Bill Simmons]

Really good bar in Copland.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, incredible.

[Bill Simmons]

Got the back room.

[Chris Ryan]

Leota and Falco.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Cheers. Probably the. My favorite bar with the square in the middle with the. I like when the bartenders are in the middle.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And they can kind of Cheers.

[Chris Ryan]

Have tv.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. They had two. They were over in the corner of her. But when you going back to play pool, it was over. Okay. They would watch like they were watching the hockey game in one episode, and Diane changed it to the opera. Oh, I remember that big episode. The Butch's Girlfriend award. Weak link of the film. I really like this film. Do you have a weak link? Because I have one.

[Chris Ryan]

I just don't think that Danny and Anna have such magnetic chemistry that it would explain her, like, loving him so much that she, like, can't be with him than leaving her dentist husband, like, fiance to go back with him.

[Bill Simmons]

It's fair. There's a deleted scene that explains it, though.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Huge cock, like, tripod level.

[Chris Ryan]

Where do we see it?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's on YouTube. No, I don't know. I felt the same way. I don't know what's going on there. There's, like, a scene missing where. There. We don't know why they broke up. They seem like they still really like each other. She kind of does a passing reference to you care about your job more than a relationship and that.

[Chris Ryan]

And then when he's like, I'm moving to Florida, she's just like, I'm back in.

[Bill Simmons]

Obviously, yeah, it's a strong, weak link, but I think mine is better.

[Chris Ryan]

Let's hear it.

[Bill Simmons]

Billy Crystal in Running Scared is playing an Italian Chicago cop named Danny Costanza.

[Chris Ryan]

It's really difficult. I think he also crosses himself at one point. Yeah, I.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm. I'm a half Italian. On behalf of at least a half.

[Chris Ryan]

Italians, I think they're doubting your credentials.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, they go there. They go to people talking about me in the streets. Oh, the Gaba. We never. I never, never heard it called that.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Gabag.

[Bill Simmons]

Gabagool. Yeah, I just screwed it up. I'm old. Just saying, why not make him a half Italian, half Jewish?

[Chris Ryan]

I think it would have been fine. It just seems like they were just like, this is what the script says. And he wasn't yet at the Billy Crystal level of like, okay, here's my character, Billy Crystal.

[Bill Simmons]

One of the more openly. This guy seems Jewish famous actors we've had. Wouldn't you agree? Him just being like, nah, I'm gonna be Italian in this. I was like, I just. Just made Rushmore. What?

[Chris Ryan]

This guy must be Jewish acting Mount Rushmore.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, he's leaned into it a bunch of movies and TV shows. Right. It just felt like I didn't know why they did it. Why not just change his name or why. Why not have him make a joke about, oh, the Italian side Of my family. I gotta do that. The Aunt Rosie side something. Instead he's like, I'm Danny Costanzo. Hey. Oh, like Seagal. They did this too, where he played a super Italian one in one of the Seagal movies.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, it's just weird enough seeing him wearing all that Cub shit. Cause he's like a huge Yankees fan, right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's how desperate he was to be in the movie Wood Stage. The worst. I mean, number one. So Paul Walker, may he rest in peace. I love Paul Walker. But he made a movie in 2006 called Running Scared. And it's really caused a lot of confusion on cable, on streamers. When you Google this movie 100%, people.

[Chris Ryan]

Are going to be like, when we announce we're doing Running Scared.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we're going to have to put the year. We're going to put running scared 1986 in the title of the pod that.

[Chris Ryan]

Happened with Bad Boys.

[Bill Simmons]

But running scared 2006 is not a good movie. And I like Paul Walker.

[Chris Ryan]

True.

[Bill Simmons]

But it's not. And I just don't know why they named it Running Scared. Running Scared was successful enough that you can't just be like, we'll name it Running Scared. Like when Heat became Heat. And they were like, well, there was a Burt Reynolds movie called Heat eight years earlier. And Michael Mann was like, well, fuck that. That movie's terrible. We're calling it Heat. And that was fine because he was terrible. But this is different. Bugs me. What do you got?

[Chris Ryan]

You just Uzis. Do they even make those anymore? Like, everybody's got an Uzi in this movie. That was a huge 80s thing.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Uzis went away.

[Chris Ryan]

I don't even know. But, like, they don't show up in movies anymore for sure. Like, there's no Uzis in John Wick, are there, Craig?

[Craig Horlbeck]

I don't think there are Uzis anymore.

[Bill Simmons]

And maybe Uzi's just went out of fashion.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm sure they exist.

[Chris Ryan]

They're probably hard to conceal, I would imagine.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe. Maybe.

[Craig Horlbeck]

These sound really hard to come back. Like, I think there's just very inaccurate guns.

[Chris Ryan]

The basically constant police brutality, harassment, skirting the rules.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's just the 80s, you know, that's going to be there. Wait, do you think Uzi's could come back, like, vinyl?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, like maybe Craig's generation reclaims it as like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, like physical media. Yeah, physical media. Uzi.

[Chris Ryan]

So instead of DVDs, Sean starts collecting Uzis.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, this grade 87 Uzi.

[Chris Ryan]

What else do you have Billy Crystal's scarf move that he pulls, like, three times where he flips the scarf. It doesn't seem like a very Danny Costanza thing to do. It seemed like a Crystal bit that he wanted. And I just also think you just don't really see a lot of guys walking in when their friend is having sex and then, like, flopping down on the bed and, like, want some breakfast.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, also, Gregory Hines couldn't be more comfortable with the fact that Billy Crystal just interrupted coitus. He's like, well, okay, we gotta go.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. He might have finished, like, 10 minutes earlier. He was okay with it. Forgot to mention during the Crystal part. Cause I knew Crystal from Soap. Cause Soap was a great show. And he played a gay character in Soap, which was a big deal. Cause there's no gay characters on tv. He played Jodie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And it felt like it was going to, like, pigeonhole him a little. Because it was so unusual for somebody to play a gay character. It was like, oh, the gay guy from Soap. And then he eventually started doing comedy, but then snl, he broke out of it. And then this movie, I think, really shed. Oh, it's that guy from Soap who's on snl. And it just was, like, surprising to see him in a movie like this. And then he pulled it off.

[Chris Ryan]

The only.

[Bill Simmons]

Really good.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. The only other thing that I think ages the worst is just the, like, the way that the scenes at the second half of the film or the last hour are a little bit repetitive. With Julio, like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, you could cut out. You could have cut out one of them.

[Chris Ryan]

He kidnaps Anna.

[Bill Simmons]

That.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like, oh, yeah, now there's some stakes.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I would have said for Wood Stage. The worst. We probably could have cut about seven minutes.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Airport sequence is long.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Yeah, I have. The overall soundtrack isn't good. McDonald carries it, but McDonald is like Jordan on the 86 Bulls. Everything else is bad.

[Chris Ryan]

It's when, like, yacht rock kind of transitions to smooth R and B. Yeah. And there's like. I think it's like that 80s kind of, like kind of adult contemporary, but also clubbier sound that is just a little.

[Bill Simmons]

It's kind of just loud and overtly happy and synths. And like that opening theme song. It's just bad. They're showing Chicago and it's like the worst possible song. But this was happening over and over again.

[Chris Ryan]

I wonder if it would have been better if they had just gone full Falter Mark and gotten a really good.

[Bill Simmons]

Synth soundtrack or gone just full yacht Rock.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

They could have just grabbed a bunch of them. I guess they didn't know what Yacht Rock was yet. The snow looks fake in some of the scenes.

[Chris Ryan]

It is fake in some of the scenes.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I noticed. It just didn't have, like. Felt like they cheaped out on that. This movie's rated R, and I don't know why they didn't just earn the R. So I'm gonna bring out an old category we haven't had very, very many times. The Balor Rubin award for. Did this movie need a better sex scene? Might have had Hines maybe step in there. 30 seconds. 1986. Come on, man. This can be on cable for five years.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, let's go.

[Chris Ryan]

Or, like, at least, like, have some more, like, sex happening in the apartments that they bust into. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

Sure. Like, just a random. I mean, this was the era of, like, drug dealer. Oh, my God, There's a naked lady for no reason.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I was waiting for the classic 80s. Gratuitous.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Where was it?

[Chris Ryan]

I'm kind of surprised that Anna is not. There's not like an. Anna's just showering for two minutes for some reason. There's also.

[Craig Horlbeck]

They flirt with it. There's that one moment where the woman has the, like, the sheets over her and they don't show anything. All the Key west stuff. It's like they never. I don't know why they don't get there.

[Chris Ryan]

It's true.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Craig, we've.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You've reprogrammed.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we've groomed Craig.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I'm like, what the hell?

[Bill Simmons]

So a sequel titled Self Running, or I'm sorry, a sequel titled Still Running was planned, different scripts written. And Crystal and Hines just didn't think any of them were good enough. Enough. And turned all of them down. Which brings me a runner up. Hottest take for me. It's just. I just. As I said earlier, I felt like they leave. They left hundreds of millions on the table.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you want me to do my hottest take now?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, do basically that.

[Chris Ryan]

So my hottest take is that there's a world in which this is Lethal Weapon.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I don't even think that's a hot take.

[Chris Ryan]

So number one, Lethal Weapon came out, I think you could say, in a softer box office environment. Still a lot of big ones, but.

[Bill Simmons]

It'S a year later.

[Chris Ryan]

So Lethal Weapon comes out. It's number one movie in the country. Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Platoon, Angel Heart, Outrageous Fortune, Some Kind of Wonderful Mannequin Hoosiers, Black Widow, Crocodile Dundee, which had been out for a really long.

[Bill Simmons]

Time Mannequin, the movie.

[Chris Ryan]

That's a much. That's a much better environment for Running Scared to be released in. And then also, if they had just continued the vibe and picked and choose how they were going to do it the way Lethal Weapon was, like, okay, obviously, like, Gibson and Glover have incredible chemistry. They're secretly super funny together. Let's just play that up and throw Pesci in there or whatever. Yeah, like, that just makes so much more sense for Running Scared to do that. If they're like, okay, like, we did the Julio Gonzalez plot. Let's make a much more, like, discernible crime plot. But just let these guys cook. And maybe you started in Florida.

[Bill Simmons]

Danny finds out he's not Italian. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

He takes the first 23. And me, right?

[Bill Simmons]

He's like, wait, what I would do running scared 2. One last job. Where now it's like, this is officially. They have to do this one crime in Chicago, and then they're off to Key West.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, see, I would flip it. I would have Running Scared two starts in four.

[Bill Simmons]

No, that's Running Scared three.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, Running Scared two.

[Bill Simmons]

One last job. Running Scared three. We're in Key West. These guys don't want this life anymore. But some angry drug dealer from years past comes down to tear running scared 3.

[Chris Ryan]

Kilo West.

[Bill Simmons]

And you know what? Heinz probably died in Running Scared 3.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Or maybe dies in Running Scared 4.

[Chris Ryan]

Maybe we'll kill Glover.

[Bill Simmons]

Or Heinz's wife dies. Somebody's wife or somebody. Maybe Darlan Flugel dies. But what's crazy is they're like, yeah, we couldn't find a script we liked. You and I could have come up with a script in three minutes, go to Key west, open the bar, and then shit goes down.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. It's so strange.

[Bill Simmons]

Really makes me mad. My hottest take, and I really put some thought into this, this movie in Cocktail when he goes to Jamaica, and the movie Hard Bodies on HBO were the three most aspirational location movies for me, where I watched the movie, and I was like, that place seems amazing. Because Hard Bodies was like, Santa Monica, Malibu. Oh, my God, that looks awesome. Jamaica with Cruz. It was like, holy shit, what's going on there? That'd be amazing.

[Chris Ryan]

Key West.

[Bill Simmons]

Have you heard of just living there? And then whatever. Key west, whatever they made it look like in this movie, which I think it could have worked for, whatever. And then Miami Vice would be the TV show version of that, where they would then show Miami. Man, that place looks awesome.

[Chris Ryan]

Have you ever gone on vacation with your Wife or whatever, friends and been like. I think I want to move here.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean, like every time I go on vacation, I never. The one place that's an aspirational place I've never been to is the Wataneo. Just to do the Andy and Red trip. Yeah, it's a little more complicated to get there from LA than I think.

[Chris Ryan]

But it's like a long drive after you fly.

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's a little harder to find the exact spot. But I've. I've thought about it, but. But just as a kid living in the fucking east coast with bad weather and those guys go to Key west and it's like, why do I live here? What am I doing?

[Chris Ryan]

I know.

[Bill Simmons]

So I eventually moved the Ruffalo Hannah Rubinick Partridge overacting where it's Hidea. But I think it has to be because that's the. He's the over screaming lieutenant. Would you go with somebody else?

[Chris Ryan]

I had Julio screaming my coke and his death scene.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, you're right. It probably is. Was there a better title for this movie? I think there was. What is Running Scared? What does that even mean? Who's running scared in this movie? Nobody.

[Chris Ryan]

That's a good question. What would the alternative be? Like, what's your fix for that? Danny and Ray.

[Bill Simmons]

Like I was thinking, I've always can't believe there's not a movie called One Last Job. But I guess this movie isn't One Last Job.

[Chris Ryan]

You know, maybe Short time. Because it's like. I know that that is another name for another movie, but like. Because the whole thing is like they've got 30 days left before they go to Florida.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe they could do something with that short time. I was thinking Chicago Heat. It's Chicago, but they really want the Heat.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. Is there a title? Craig?

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's tough Bisexual Buddies. They're definitely bisexual.

[Bill Simmons]

Homo. Homo. Erotic Chicago Cops.

[Chris Ryan]

Guys pouring beer on each other while they're fishing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, we're doing that after the pod. I brought some beer. The can you dig at a word for most memorable quote has to be. You have the right to a foreigner. That was really strong.

[Chris Ryan]

I also. I also really like. Excuse me. We're from Noise Busters. Do you know where the Menudo concert is?

[Bill Simmons]

Good casting. What ifs. You mentioned how they. It was supposed to be two old New York City cops. Allegedly it was Hackman and Newman in mind, but they never brought it to them. But then according to the Internets, Tom Selleck and John Travolta were going to be the cops.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. And Selleck did Magnum.

[Bill Simmons]

Selleck was doing Magnum. Travoltization. Mike Ovitz said, I don't like it. Turned it down. If you look at Travolta's career from 85 to 1993, it's amazing they turned this down. I can't imagine there was a better script. We saw some of the stuff he did, so that's really all I could find. And Peter Hyams loved Darlan Pflugel from To Live and Die in la. So you guys have something in common.

[Chris Ryan]

Can I do five seconds on Hyams?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

So if people are listening and they're interested in, like, buddy cop stuff, they should go check out this movie from 74 called Busting that he. He did with Elliot Gould and Robert Forrester. It's really, really, really good. I think it's on tubi.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, by the way, this movie's on tubi.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. This is the most tubi tubi ever. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You go on tubi, it's always in, like, the first two rows.

[Chris Ryan]

And you'll have a lot of fun with the recommended. If you like Running Scared, you hit.

[Bill Simmons]

Running Scared, you're going to get 20.

[Chris Ryan]

The algo is. Thank you. Yeah, he did 2010, the year we Make Contact, which is like a kind of controversial sequel to 2001, but has started to become a little bit more beloved as the years go on. And it's just like, obviously, like a very, very talented filmmaker, he shoots his own stuff. In some cases, he edits it, too. And this movie looks fucking incredible. Like, when you watch the interiors of this movie, there's, like, a scene where Hines is at the evidence locker to get the coke. And there's this shot where it's, like, all black below him and black above him. So he's almost letterboxed by the lighting. Cause it's just one overhead. And I'm like, why does this 1986 movie look better than Gladiator 2? Like, it is really crazy.

[Bill Simmons]

He did two movies that I really like. Capricorn1.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Which I would do that.

[Bill Simmons]

Finally, somebody was trying to tell us that the moon landing never happened. Finally, somebody had the balls to step forward. And that was before Kubrick made the Shining, about the moon landing.

[Chris Ryan]

One of my favorite pods we've done.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Sudden Death, which we've done on the rewatchables. Van Damme. Van Damme. I don't know if Craig produced that one. Yeah. Plays goalie, of course.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

That was not that one.

[Bill Simmons]

Greg's on his phone. He's checked out Senate text. Try to get the weekend plan.

[Chris Ryan]

He's like, anybody got a blue bike out there?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Hives is getting though. Let's actually, let's take a break and then we'll rip through the rest of these. Whole Foods Market has Thanksgiving gatherings covered. First things first, reserve your no antibiotics ever. Fresh whole turkey today, starting at $2.99 a pound. Or go with their organic spiral cut bone in ham full of seared in flavor for sides. Choose Whole Foods Market Grab and go platter. Go even further and get your whole meal catered. Just order online by November 26th. Get Thanksgiving ready at Whole Foods Market. Terms apply.

[Chris Ryan]

This episode is brought to you by. Skinny Pop popcorn. Perfectly popped, endlessly delicious.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Oh, so light and crunchy.

[Chris Ryan]

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[Bill Simmons]

All right, the Joey Pants award for best that guy Joey pants automatically wins. Dan Hidaya could have won two more people. We should mention three. Oh, what do you got, Larry?

[Chris Ryan]

Hank Hankin is the cop mechanic.

[Bill Simmons]

You know who Larry Hankin is, right, Craig?

[Craig Horlbeck]

What else? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Cranky old neighbor and friends.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, the guy who gives him the cab.

[Bill Simmons]

Who makes the cab.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. He's in a bunch of stuff.

[Bill Simmons]

He is. I. I gotta be honest. I didn't know his name was Larry Hankin until I was doing this.

[Chris Ryan]

And that is the true test of that guy. He like that guy.

[Bill Simmons]

He sucks at that guy. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Don Calfa, who is Aunt Rose's attorney, remember when he's like trying to give him the inheritance and he's like, you gotta go see him. He's in the bathroom. Whatever. That guy is the hitman from Weekend at Bernie's.

[Bill Simmons]

Good call.

[Chris Ryan]

And then Jonathan.

[Bill Simmons]

That guy's hilarious.

[Chris Ryan]

Jonathan Grease, who's Bowers partner. And he's in Napoleon Dynamite.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah. Uncle Rico.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. My God, you didn't even list his number. His two best things.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, give it to me.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, White Lotus.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

He plays what's Her Face is Jennifer Coolidge's mysterious husband.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, that's right.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I mean, that's his most famous part. Everyone knows that.

[Chris Ryan]

It feels like that guy shrunk. Yeah, okay, okay.

[Bill Simmons]

But then he was Dylan McKay's drug dealer in season.

[Chris Ryan]

Holy.

[Bill Simmons]

Season five of 902 and now got him hooked on the H. Give him A little taste. Give him a little taste. Try this. Dylan. But, yeah, that guy's. He was a great. That guy. And then I feel like White Lotus made him almost un that guy, though.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Dan Waiter's award pants is eligible.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Bauer's amazing.

[Chris Ryan]

I kind of. I kind of shading Bauer.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think it's Bauer recasting couch. Director of City. I have no notes. I don't know if I touch anyone.

[Chris Ryan]

So would you want to recast it with guys in the 80s or would you want to do a contemporary version of this?

[Bill Simmons]

Who are the cops in the contemporary version? We just don't have any marketable actors anymore.

[Chris Ryan]

Could have guys who were 35. Right. Because Heinz's character is turning, like, 36.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I mean, you have, like, Powell and Teller.

[Chris Ryan]

No, they're too cute, man.

[Craig Horlbeck]

What about, like, Driver and Chalamet?

[Bill Simmons]

I was thinking Chalamet, too.

[Chris Ryan]

That's a little early for Chalamet to be retired.

[Bill Simmons]

We can't have Driver because that means the movie will bomb. Make five. $5 million.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I feel like it's always Driver every time we do, like, Driver.

[Bill Simmons]

I was wondering if it's Chalamet because it's, like, a nice zag for him. He's playing like a Chicago car.

[Craig Horlbeck]

What is he, like, 20?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

What about, like, Glover? Donald Glover as one of the cops.

[Bill Simmons]

Donald Glover.

[Chris Ryan]

Because I. I feel.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like he tried to do that in that Amazon show and I never bought it.

[Chris Ryan]

No, that was like, more like a relationship show. He's never done, like, a buddy cop.

[Bill Simmons]

Movie, so it's some shame. Is probably, like, three years too young. Glen Powell's too obvious. Why don't we have more actors for this conversation? And then I think. I think the Hines part is probably definitely like, a musician or an athlete. Yeah, like for the stunt casting album. It's LeBron. LeBron is Gregory Hines.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Do you have to start with a comedian? I feel like we're going after the actor. Do we? Should we?

[Bill Simmons]

What about Craig's guy, Marcelo Hernandez?

[Craig Horlbeck]

What about, like, Shane Gillis?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, Shane Gillis as Danny. But we'd have to make Shane Gillis pretend to be Italian. That would be really funny.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Shane Galindo.

[Bill Simmons]

Shane Ghost is good. I can't come up with it. I'm trying to think of people. Usually, SNL would have been the feeder system for this, but I can't imagine anyone at snl. It's like, Andrew Dismukes. Here he goes. Romo Collinsworth or someone else for the director's commentary. We'll probably have the same one for this.

[Chris Ryan]

I had Doris.

[Bill Simmons]

You Doris. Oh, good. I have somebody else.

[Chris Ryan]

We see you, Mr. Gonzalez. You've been arrested, accused, bailed, jailed and paroled. And you're still managing to bring in dozens of kilos from the jungles of Colombia. The street value. Who can say? But what can be said is the value you bring to your organization.

[Bill Simmons]

I keep watching the NBA is back. I keep waiting for her to break into it.

[Chris Ryan]

She doesn't really. That was become a character unto itself.

[Bill Simmons]

Mike, Billy Crystal just made the greatest joke I've ever heard of my life. He said ablo Smith and Wesson. That's just unbelievable. Mike. Oh, Mike.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean this guy, Danny Costanza. Billy Crystal screams Italian American.

[Bill Simmons]

We should be on. He should be on stage with us watching him. Mike. Half ass Internet research. Speaking of Billy Crystal Pistol, in his 1986 book Absolutely Marvelous, he said he accidentally whacked himself in the head with a. With a pistol by accident. Split open his nose and needed plastic surgery. I bring this up because I had no idea he wrote a book called Absolutely Marvelous.

[Chris Ryan]

Did you immediately ebay it?

[Bill Simmons]

Did you know that book existed?

[Chris Ryan]

Of course not. No.

[Bill Simmons]

He said in 2021 because Gregory Hines sadly died. Crystal said it was just so much fun making that movie. I miss Gregory Hines terribly. Occasionally I'll put it on a watch just as a way of visiting with Greg.

[Chris Ryan]

There is a. I would do that.

[Bill Simmons]

With you if the. If you ever died. I would watch old rewatchables episodes. I miss fucking crowd.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. God damn, I miss cr.

[Bill Simmons]

So the grand finale, Daniel X.

[Chris Ryan]

Like that's what he gets for talking.

[Bill Simmons]

About Sean should have talked about Apple. The grand finale took place inside the gleaming new structure called State of Illinois Center. I fucking love it. Which apparently was a big deal. It was a very cool location for awesome movie scene.

[Chris Ryan]

They sold it to Google.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh really?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. I love in action movies where they're like the meat needs to be somewhere public so that they can just choose somewhere amazing to shoot it, you know, because like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, you're right. It's never like some like off off.

[Chris Ryan]

Like back alley bar.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, some bar that's like three streets off of a street.

[Chris Ryan]

No, it's always like an amusement park or something like that.

[Bill Simmons]

Apex Mountain. Crystal.

[Chris Ryan]

No, that's what City slickers to you.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think we said it was city slickers when we did this, not.

[Craig Horlbeck]

When Harry Met Sally.

[Bill Simmons]

I think during City Slickers we realized it was city slickers because like he had Oscars going at that point. Point Hines I think there's a case.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

Because now he's a real movie guy. He's this great dancer. And then it eventually leads to them making the movie tap, which is one of the many late 80s misfire movie ideas we had where it was like, he's a tap dancer sensation. He wants to get out of the world of tap.

[Chris Ryan]

He's got to say he's done a lot of occupations. Back in the 80s, it's like if you had a job, there was probably a movie about it.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. It was like I deliver food on a bicycle. Quicksilver.

[Chris Ryan]

Now it's like, is Thanos in it? No, but there used to just be like the Postman.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. If we had the same approach, now it would be like Uber driver.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Key West, Apex Mountain. For me it's this versus the Real World season with Johnny Bananas, not Hemingway living there. Well, that could be there too. I don't know. Johnny Bananas versus Hemingway. Really depends on what contributions to society is still around. Joey Pants. No.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

He didn't take the coward's way out. That's because TJ hates quitters.

[Bill Simmons]

Johnny. Vanessa. Seven time champ. Yeah. Going for number eight right now. Chicago Movie Cops.

[Chris Ryan]

I really like those assholes in Thief who keep rousting Jimmy Khan.

[Bill Simmons]

I have Jack Walsh.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Jack Walsh had to leave the force because he wouldn't do a buyout from surrounding Toronto.

[Chris Ryan]

When are we going to read? Midnight rerun.

[Bill Simmons]

We're getting Matt Damon to join us for that. I'm just telling you now it's happening.

[Chris Ryan]

Is that like his favorite movie?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. That's what. That's when we go. When we get a real studio and we bring some star power in. Unlike now. Jimmy Smits.

[Chris Ryan]

That's when I fake my own death so that you start remembering me fondly.

[Bill Simmons]

That's what AI. Chris takes over Jimmy Smith. No.

[Chris Ryan]

Nope. And that's my PD Blue, you think?

[Bill Simmons]

Probably. Yeah. Him in France.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I mean that was. He was winning. Didn't win Emmys for that.

[Chris Ryan]

Like, I feel like they just.

[Bill Simmons]

He's good on that show.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Chicago bars. I still think it's the About Last Night bar.

[Chris Ryan]

I think it's the Mother.

[Bill Simmons]

What was called Mothers and About Last Night. No.

[Chris Ryan]

But. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't see you in Mothers.

[Chris Ryan]

What's. What's the name of the bar and Thief. The green something.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that's a good one. I haven't watched Heath Thief since we did the pot. I gotta crank it up.

[Chris Ryan]

And Connor blows it up at the end.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Dan had.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, this is around like him. He's Blood Simples around this time.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, it's. He's Eddie Tor too.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Cheers.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, I think he's probably the most famous. Oh, I think it is Michael McDonald songs. No, but I think videos. Yes. And then Yacht Rock was the opposite. Apex Mountain. Because this is the official end of Yacht Rock.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

So I don't know what that is.

[Chris Ryan]

Is. Were there any other, in retrospect or upon further reflection, Yacht Roc coded movies that we could have done?

[Bill Simmons]

Really? No, I don't think so.

[Chris Ryan]

There are movies from the 70s set in LA that feel Yacht Rocky, even if they aren't explicitly. Like the Robert Altman Long Goodbye with Elliot Gould is kind of Yacht Rocky to me.

[Bill Simmons]

But it didn't have the music to add to the. Yeah, yeah, that really? No, I don't. I don't see it. Cruz or Hanks?

[Chris Ryan]

I'm going to go Hanks.

[Bill Simmons]

It has to be Hanks. Hanks wins.

[Chris Ryan]

I think Hanks could very easily play Danny.

[Bill Simmons]

No question. What's the scorecard? I think Hanks is winning. I think hanks in the 80s should have made a movie like this. He tried a couple times and didn't find the right script. I think he thought Dragnet might be a version of this and it wasn't.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Hanks is winning 18 to 14.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, fucking Cruz. Have that cruise. Well.

[Chris Ryan]

Cause also like, wasn't Hanks around this time doing like volunteers? Like he was trying to do like kind of action comedies too.

[Bill Simmons]

Racehorse Rock Band. Wrestler Fantasy name.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, you know, actually, can I just throw cruiser. Hanks and I. For these movies especially, I always think this, the.

[Bill Simmons]

The.

[Chris Ryan]

The third way would have been Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton is Danny after Night Shift.

[Bill Simmons]

Would have been a great Danny. I really love Crystal in this, but yeah, Keaton could have done it. Racehorse Rock Band. Wrestler fantasy Team named Sweet Freedom.

[Chris Ryan]

Julio's coke.

[Bill Simmons]

Where's my coke? Pick a nits.

[Chris Ryan]

I got one right off the top.

[Bill Simmons]

Go.

[Chris Ryan]

Why did anybody jump out to anybody that Ray kisses Danny's ex like full on the mouth, like a lot.

[Bill Simmons]

So I noticed this. There's a sexual energy with them that made me super uncomfortable. And it made me wonder if that was why they broke up.

[Chris Ryan]

She's like, I'm always going to come to your birthday parties. It's always like a pretty full lips kiss, which is totally.

[Bill Simmons]

And like a full body hug.

[Chris Ryan]

Everybody should just do whatever makes them happy. But I was like, I would not be into this.

[Bill Simmons]

It's pretty weird. It jumped out to me Too.

[Craig Horlbeck]

There's some Challengers energy with these three.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Challengers energy. That's really good. That's a good category. The Challengers Award for the Sexual attention that I don't really understand.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Picking it for me is just. Gonzalez is just running a mock in this movie, and I know this is an 80s trope, but he's just complete. There's just no laws. And meanwhile, like, a big theme of Chicago's 80s movies is how much police there is and how important the police is. And there's either police corruption or there's police. And there seems like he's doing his.

[Chris Ryan]

Between the police department and the district attorney's office in this movie, because they keep catching this guy, and he keeps getting paroled or let go or bailed, whatever.

[Bill Simmons]

Tiny nitpick on the. On the cars, driving on the tracks.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Feel like that would go terribly. I think that's so much harder to do than anyone would realize. Like, you're bouncing. Eat the moment you fall off one track. I think the car just.

[Chris Ryan]

Also, I was. I was nine, so I don't know. But even in 1986, I don't feel like cops would just, like, aimlessly shoot at escaping vehicles, hoping to hit something.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Like they were.

[Bill Simmons]

Would they? No.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I have the ending where we have this, like, crazy shootout. Both guys get shot. His wife has to jump. Jump. And 15 floors up from one elevator to another, and they finally kill this guy. And this should have been like, I can't wait to get to Key West. And instead, it's like, this is the.

[Chris Ryan]

My. My biggest problem with this. I have a lot of unanswerable questions about this.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, all of a sudden, he's like, no, actually, we should stay cops. It's like, what just happened should make you not want to be cops. You should want to go to Key West. You already paid for the bar. Like, key west sounds great. Go to Key West.

[Chris Ryan]

Another nitpick is when Danny gets shot full in the chest by a fellow police officer.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And they're just kind of like, whoa, you should have watched where you're fucking standing. Like, there's no accountability for that.

[Bill Simmons]

That shootout scene is a whole nitpick. Like, there's just a lot of close range, like, people as close as me to you just shooting this way. Anything else?

[Chris Ryan]

No, I have mostly unanswerable questions.

[Bill Simmons]

Sequel, prequel, prestige tv, all black cast, untouchable. There should have been three sequels. We covered that. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Sid Goldberg, Sam Jackson, J.T. walsh Nell Byron Mayo. Harling Mays. Evil laughing Ramon Raymond might have to bump him. Ramon's never won this category. Long legs or Philip Baker Hall.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, should we give it to Ramon Raymond and make him one of Julio's lieutenants?

[Bill Simmons]

Well, or he could have been Stephen Bauer's partner.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, yeah. Yes, that would.

[Bill Simmons]

Hey, Danny, you think you're gonna catch this guy?

[Chris Ryan]

I would also say a little early for him, but Sam Jackson would be a great snake. Early Sam Jackson taking the Joey Pants award.

[Bill Simmons]

Or he could have been. Yeah, I mean, Sam Jackson could have been anywhere in this movie. I had Treo because I think Treo could have been like Jimmy Spence's lead henchman. He's right around the right age for Treo. I. I just think he. I just think he helps the movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Been great.

[Bill Simmons]

Now, I also was thinking about too, where they're in the elevator and he's trying to get her to jump and she's like.

[Chris Ryan]

Would it have been better if Julio was Long Legs?

[Bill Simmons]

Give me back my coke. Danny. Here's my coke. Danny, your partner is your wife. He's getting in there. Just one Oscar. Who gets it? It's got to be Michael McDonald for Sweet Freedom. Yeah. For best song, probably. Unanswerable questions. Let's do it. Did these guys ever move to Key west because they never made a sequel and then Gregory Hines died. So we're going to get about this.

[Chris Ryan]

They say they're going to stay in Chicago. I looked this up. 1986. Mortgage rates 10.19%.

[Bill Simmons]

Jesus.

[Chris Ryan]

So fucking Danny is underwater on this lease, like, instantaneously, if he's not already down there slinging shrimp.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. He's got to immediately get like 50% off. 5 to 8.

[Chris Ryan]

But he's going to be annihilated by that.

[Bill Simmons]

Right? 10. Yeah, that's tough.

[Chris Ryan]

Because Julio says to him, him, I'm. I'm going to give you 150 grand. Which is like more than the. The note on that bar that you just leased.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And they're like, no, no, no. But, like, if they don't go down there and start pumping beer out of there, they're dead financially. So that's one thing. Second, Anna clearly perked back up for Danny when he was like, I'm moving to Florida. She was like, great. You finally have seen yourself outside of Chicago and outside.

[Bill Simmons]

So it was the job that was breaking them up.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

So when he's like, actually, on second thought, now that we're making out, I'm going to continue to be A detective in Chicago and get shot at all the time.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Is she like, all right, great. I'm going back to my dentist.

[Bill Simmons]

She's like, I'm going back to Ray.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. So that's. That's my big. Those are my two big ones. The loan and what happens to the relationship?

[Bill Simmons]

Just go to Key West. The last scene of this movie should be like the last scene in Trading Places.

[Chris Ryan]

Absolutely.

[Bill Simmons]

They should be at the bar, super happy, the wife's there, Heinz has some hot lady with them, and it's 50.

[Chris Ryan]

The girl he's been sleeping with throughout the movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, yeah. Best double feature choice. I had stakeout.

[Chris Ryan]

That's a really good one. I was gonna go busting just because of highams, but yeah, you know, stakeout.

[Bill Simmons]

Craig Emilio Estevez and Richard Dreyfus.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Classic. Good enough that they made a sequel.

[Chris Ryan]

Made a sequel in the second one. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Made a sequel to that and not to this. The Indian Red Zone award. What happened the next day? We talked about it. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie?

[Chris Ryan]

I could just get it. But the white socks, hat, the boobs T shirts.

[Bill Simmons]

What, like the actual born from the movie T shirts?

[Chris Ryan]

What actual, like, reality. Do you think you could wear a boobs T shirt in, like, around the.

[Bill Simmons]

House Halloween dressed as the copy?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Just as like, we're going as the running scared guys.

[Chris Ryan]

Popular of a movie. If you and I did like Halloween wearing boobs T shirts, I don't think people would get it.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Craig, you could wear it when you're back at college with Ben.

[Chris Ryan]

That's true.

[Bill Simmons]

Ben would wear it right now. Maybe. Maybe in Trump's America, boobs T shirts will come back.

[Chris Ryan]

That's true.

[Bill Simmons]

The Honda Elite scooters that they have, the movie driven scooters would be cool.

[Chris Ryan]

Have you ever been back on a scooter since that accident?

[Bill Simmons]

No, I retired.

[Chris Ryan]

And if Ben was like, I want to get a Honda Elite, would you let him?

[Bill Simmons]

I would strangle him.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. The Coach Finstock award for best life lesson. You can't go from marrying a cop to marrying a dentist. That was the biggest lesson I learned from this.

[Chris Ryan]

I was going to say, if you really want to. If you think you want to move to Key west, you do. And you. You should go. Don't go. Don't go back to Chicago.

[Bill Simmons]

What's your Key West Sierra? Don't say Portland. I'm throwing my body in front of that.

[Chris Ryan]

No, I gotta pick somewhere more exotic and beautiful. There's an island off of Croatia called Vis that I really like.

[Bill Simmons]

See this is. Now we're talking. Yeah, yeah, you get some basketball. Yeah, you get. You could pick a side of the Croatia Serbia basketball center pro team. Start setting some of the three point offers.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Who won the movie? It's really tough one.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm gonna go Crystal. But it's, it's close with him in Heinz.

[Bill Simmons]

I agree with you. Because this movie allows Crystal to have the next five years that he had.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

He needed to prove that he could be in a movie. As we could see from the poster, Heinz was the star and Crystal was the.

[Chris Ryan]

Basically a sidekick, even though he has the more like articulated love arc.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we've reached the time when we asked producer Craig, who had never heard of this movie or seen it, for his opinion.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I liked this movie a lot. I liked the chemistry between Hines and Crystal was great. I do think watching it, it made me realize how much I love like Lethal Weapon and Midnight Run and Beverly Hills Cop. This feels a tier below. I feel like the chemistry was there.

[Chris Ryan]

But it's a little flatter because there's no tension.

[Craig Horlbeck]

There's no tension. It's like they're just kind of hanging around trying to catch this one guy. There's like, there's not a ton of stakes. I think Lethal we Weapon is darker and funnier. This is just a little bit more kind of just. I don't want to say going through the motions.

[Bill Simmons]

It's an easier watch.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You.

[Craig Horlbeck]

This is a. You can go to the bathroom during it and come back and it's okay. And Lethal Weapon, I feel like I'm a little bit more invested in the performances and the storyline and stuff like that.

[Chris Ryan]

I think this is more of like what you would call like a programmer. Like this is like a 3pm cable. Like, oh, the Running Scared's on. Like, I'm going to watch this for 25 minutes.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It's less fully formed.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. But I still really like, like the more you watch it, the more stuff you're like, oh man, I, I forgot about this part. Or like that outfit that he's wearing. Stuff like that.

[Bill Simmons]

I like hanging out with the guys. Yeah. So this movie could have either been 20 minutes shorter or like three hours longer. And I was, I was good either way.

[Craig Horlbeck]

I really liked Hines. I had. I don't think I've ever seen a movie with him. I know he was in Will and Grace a little bit. I remember him from. But I don't really have a huge connection to him.

[Bill Simmons]

He's one of those where the career didn't match what? Like the way I wish it had gone.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, I think outside of the movies, he's considered like an American cultural institution because of his contributions to.

[Bill Simmons]

But I just feel like he just could have been in a bunch of cool movies.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Can I say what is up with men's underwear in this movie?

[Bill Simmons]

What, the long griefs or.

[Craig Horlbeck]

No, no, the long johns I get. It's when they. Like Panoliano, when he strips, there's two scenes of men in underwear. It's like these very tight little things.

[Bill Simmons]

No, that was the era. Boxers weren't caught a banana hammocks.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Everybody wore those, and those were comfortable. Why was that ever the. The move?

[Bill Simmons]

It was just the way it went. And in the 90s, I think I was one of the last people who had. Didn't move to boxers. Oh, and what about Commissioner Camp?

[Chris Ryan]

No, he's talking about boxer shorts.

[Craig Horlbeck]

When did the brief come into play?

[Chris Ryan]

After boxer shorts, to my knowledge, Commissioner.

[Bill Simmons]

Camp, in my fantasy league, named my team the Banana Hammocks.

[Craig Horlbeck]

You would wear them.

[Bill Simmons]

Couldn't believe that I was still wearing that kind underwear. I was like, three years too late. But now I'm like, full boxers.

[Craig Horlbeck]

If you went to go play pickup basketball and were you wearing banana hammocks?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think I was. Wow. Yeah. Probably a mistake. A lot of mistakes were made in.

[Chris Ryan]

The 80s riding a Honda Elite.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think. It wasn't anything I put thought into until I went to college because my mom bought me this underwear, so I'll wear it.

[Chris Ryan]

It's useful to know that we were not bombarded with, like, information about every single choice that we made back then. So it was kind of like underwear was not something you thought about, like, a ton.

[Craig Horlbeck]

It was just funny because the clothes back then were much bulkier and bigger and roomier, and yet the underwear was incredibly tight.

[Chris Ryan]

I think I switched. I think I switched to boxers in, like, the late 80s because when they.

[Bill Simmons]

When that was like 92 range.

[Craig Horlbeck]

When Joey Pants takes off his pants and they show his underwear, I thought that was going to be like a big joke. And they kind of just move right back.

[Chris Ryan]

No, I mean, there's this. When they're on the boat fishing, when Gregory had fishing, he's wearing, like, a thong, and it's. It's pretty wild for a second. And I'm just like. I don't ever remember seeing outside of, like, the Mediterranean guys wear those.

[Craig Horlbeck]

Yeah, that will never come back in America, I think.

[Bill Simmons]

No.

[Chris Ryan]

This has been Undergarment Talk with Bill Simmons. And Chris Ryan, produced by Craig Horlbeck.

[Bill Simmons]

Thanks to Jack and Gao as well. Our last time in the studio, don't forget the yacht rock documentary. Friday, November 29th. All Thanksgiving weekend. A lot of Michael McDonald in it, scenes from this movie in it. So stay tuned for that. We will see you next week on the rewatchables.