‘There’s Something About Mary’ With Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, and Sean Fennessey

Summary

The Rewatchables — "There’s Something About Mary"

Air date: May 5, 2026
Hosts: Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, Sean Fennessey, Sierra Marquina, Craig Robeck
Theme: Revisiting the 1998 comedy classic, breaking down its enduring laughs, structure, performances, and cultural impact

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Rewatchables spotlights the Farrelly Brothers’ raunch-com masterpiece, There’s Something About Mary. Bill Simmons, Chris Ryan, Sean Fennessey, Sierra Marquina, and Craig Robeck reminisce about their first time seeing it in theaters, dissect what makes the movie so rewatchable, debate its place among the greatest comedies, and discuss how its humor, performances, and reputation have aged over the last quarter-century.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Cinematic Impact and Theatrical Experience

• Unmatched Theater Laughter:

  • Bill Simmons cites There’s Something About Mary as one of the "hardest I've ever laughed in a movie theater," placing it on his "Mount Rushmore" of crowd comedies (03:11).
  • Chris Ryan recalls, "It was like going to church for a bunch of teenage boys. It was the apotheosis of what was happening in comedies at this point, and raucous laughter.” (04:47)
  • Sierra Marquina describes seeing it as “like watching people go through a religious experience, falling into the aisles, people crying, sodas and popcorn flying in the air.” (04:16)

• R Auditorium Comedy:

  • The hosts argue the film's success "pulled the seal off" the myth that R-rated comedies couldn't be box office hits, paving the way for American Pie and the 2000s comedy boom. (15:29)

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2. Smart Structure, Set Pieces, and Enduring Humor

• Script and Construction:

  • Bill: "I always get sucked in the structure—how smart it is, how well constructed it is from start to finish, how good the characters are." (05:49)
  • The panel agrees that while the film is best remembered for outlandish gags, its craftsmanship and script tightness are underappreciated. (30:28)

• Memorable Set Pieces:

  • The zipper scene, “hair gel,” and escalating gags discussed as some of the wildest, most memorable moments in comedy history.
  • Sierra: “The funniest thing about watching it this time was how gutsy it is for Stiller to basically do this movie… one of the most straight man lead performances in comedy I can think of.” (06:39)
  • Keith David’s line when seeing Diaz descend the stairs for prom: “Ah, shit, look at that.” (40:58)

• Comedic Peaks of the 1990s:

  • Bill’s "Funniest 90s Comedies" Top 8:
    8. Dirty Work
    7. Groundhog Day
    6. Happy Gilmore
    5. Wayne’s World
    4. Austin Powers
    3. Dumb and Dumber
    2. Tommy Boy
    1. There’s Something About Mary (11:05)

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3. Performance Breakouts and Character Studies

• Ben Stiller's Evolution:

  • Before Mary, he was known from Reality Bites and TV; this film launches his A-list comedy run: Meet the Parents, Zoolander, etc.
  • Bill: "He goes from this 11 year run...and he becomes the biggest comedy star we have, which I think the odds in 1998...would have been 100 to 1." (08:29)

• Cameron Diaz as the "Perfect Girl":

  • Debates about Diaz’s role, whether Mary is an unattainable “fantasy of flawlessness” or whether the joke is the men bending themselves out of shape for her.
  • Chris: “She is supposed to represent this, like, ideal of male desire...she just wants to eat hot dogs, loves beer..." (19:27)
  • Panel notes her A-list ascent: "This is the thing that catapults her." (104:00)

• Matt Dillon’s Iconic Scumbag Role:

  • Matt Dillon’s turn as Pat Healy described as an all-time scumbag performance, totally committed and hilarious (22:25).
  • "He's never been this funny." (27:51)
  • Dillon's career is revisited, and panel wonders why he didn’t break out further in comedy.

• Supporting Cast & Scene-Stealers:

  • Keith David, Richard Jenkins, Chris Elliott, Harlan Williams, and “Puffy” the dog all highlighted for memorable supporting turns.
  • Dion Waiters Award nominees include: Keith David, Richard Jenkins, Magda, Harlan Williams, Chris Elliott, and Brett Favre (80:13).

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4. Aging, Legacy, and Shifting Cultural Sensibilities

• Why Doesn’t Mary Get Rewatched Like Lebowski?

  • The group debates why Mary hasn’t endured in the cultural canon the same way as some contemporaneous comedies, despite being a huge hit:
    • The iconic set pieces became so well-known that people “feel like they don’t need to rewatch it”
    • Some material hasn't aged well, especially gay panic jokes and portrayal of Warren (30:57; 50:16)
    • Feels very “of the ’90s”—from character types, settings, references, even soundtrack (49:05)

• Casting & Representation:

  • Thoughtful discussion on today’s attitudes towards casting—specifically, W. Earl Brown's role as Warren, a character with special needs ("The Farrellys are like, ‘yeah, we probably fucked that up. We should have cast somebody who was special needs.’” (71:11))
  • “It’s a complicated thing because that was not how people were thinking about it at the time.” (39:07)

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5. Iconic Scenes: The Breakdown

(Most scenes are discussed with enthusiasm; select highlights w/ timestamps)

• Prom Scene/Zipper Accident (40:19–42:19)

  • “Just an unbelievable seven minutes… every part is great…” (41:55)
  • Keith David as the skeptical stepfather, the “franks and beans” reveal, and the chaos with emergency services.

• Richard Jenkins Therapy Session (42:26–43:20)

  • "Rest areas are the bathhouses of the 90s. Bathhouse of the 90s. One of the funniest ideas of any comedy, for many, many, many, many gay men…"

• Healy Meets Mary—Golf Scene (43:41–47:19)

  • “How do you know my name?” “It’s written on your golf bag.” (47:00)
  • Panel agrees this is the “most rewatchable scene.”

• Dog Fight Scenes in Mary's Apartment (48:22–48:42)

  • “Just the physical comedy of that… pile driving…” (48:35)

• 7 Minute Abs (Hitchhiker) Scene (44:51–45:24)

  • Harlan Williams steals the show: “Seven’s the key number here. Think about it. Seven, eleven…” (45:18)

• Infamous “Hair Gel” Sequence (45:59–46:18)

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6. Debates & Lists

• Funniest Film by Decade
  • Bill tries to settle which film was the funniest of each decade from 1970s onward, sparking heated debate (11:37–13:36)
• What’s the Most 1998 Thing?
  • Brett Favre as goody two-shoes, being excited about a Tony Conigliaro baseball, smoking Cools, and “watching Cops” with spouse.

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7. Awards, Categories & Legacy Arguments

• Deserved Oscars?

  • Bill and Sean argue the film should have been Oscar-nominated for Best Picture, Actress (Diaz), and Screenplay (35:36).
    • “The Academy has always ignored comedies and adventure flicks…” (36:51)

• What Has Aged Best / Worst?

  • “Bad taste is a skill” (50:16) — The hosts point out that the movie’s “edgy for the sake of edgy” spirit stands out against modern irony-poisoned comedies.
  • Criticism of un-PC humor, but acknowledgment that those being insensitive are the film's fools.

• Best “That Guy,” Cameo, & Dion Waiters Award

  • Lively discussion over scene-stealers, with Keith David, Jenkins, Harlan Williams, and W. Earl Brown (as Warren) all in contention (80:27).

• Casting What-Ifs

  • Drew Bledsoe and Steve Young were approached for the Brett Favre cameo (75:55; 78:01).
  • Owen Wilson and Jon Stewart considered for Ted; Bill Murray, Vince Vaughn, Cuba Gooding Jr. for Pat Healy (77:40).
  • Chris Farley turned down Warren (78:32).

• Rewatchability and Set-Piece Comedy

  • The group laments the rise of CGI set pieces, arguing that the physical, real-life chaos of the 1990s comedies like Mary is unmatched (106:42).

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8. Favorite Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bill: “Hardest I’ve ever laughed in a movie theater. Mount Rushmore: Naked Gun, There’s Something About Mary, The Hangover, Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs…” (03:11)

• Chris Ryan: “Ben Stiller is the greatest cuck actor of all time…The whole premise of the movie is this guy is a loser and will lose all the way until the end and then get the girl.” (74:25)

• "She loves beer… really want to dive into this, loves football… 85, she’s in on the Niners early, smells the dinners…” (19:36–19:50)

• “Rest areas are the bathhouses of the 90s.” — Richard Jenkins (42:42)

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9. Unanswerable Questions & Sequel Speculation

• “How did this movie NOT have a sequel?” (99:51)

  • Group agrees the window for plausibility closed post-social media—a modern version would not work.

• “Did Ted and Mary get married?”

  • Sierra: “I think they date for like six weeks and break up.” (99:19)
  • The consensus is that the fantasy cannot last.

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10. Who Won the Movie?

• Sean: “It’s Cameron Diaz… Her character’s name in the title. This is the thing that catapults her.” (104:00)
• Bill makes the case for Ben Stiller: “He goes from I didn’t know he could be a lead to being the biggest comedy star for a decade because of this movie.” (103:25)
• Craig: “In the moment it’s Cameron Diaz, but now when you watch it, it’s Matt Dillon because you just can’t believe how funny he is.” (104:43)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “It was like going to church for a bunch of teenage boys. It was the apotheosis of what was happening in comedies at this point and raucous laughter.” — Chris Ryan (04:47)
• “The movie is relatively sensitive to some of the ideas that it’s portraying for the people who are impacted by it and understand it are in that world. But all the guys are the butt of the joke.” — Chris Ryan (31:31)
• “You know, I think my answer… Harlan Williams is pretty good… You know that old children’s tale from the sea, Rocket Man?” — Bill Simmons (81:06)
• “Bad taste is a skill and you can display it in a clever way. The Farrellys always do that.” — Chris Ryan (50:16)
• “It’s a little like Mikal Bridges on the Knicks right now.” — Bill Simmons, on Matt Dillon’s career (25:11)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:11 — Bill’s all-time hardest laughs in the theater
• 04:47 — Chris and Sierra on initial theater experiences
• 05:49–06:39 — Construction of the film and Stiller’s “thankless” lead role
• 15:29 — R-rated comedies and their box office status
• 19:27 — The “perfect girl” Mary debate
• 22:25 — Matt Dillon’s career and all-time scumbag performance
• 30:28 — Why Mary hasn’t stood the test of time like Lebowski
• 40:19–42:19 — The prom/zipper scene breakdown
• 45:59–46:18 — “Hair gel” scene and its test screening history
• 80:13 — Supporting cast awards (Keith David and company)
• 104:00 — Who won the movie?
• 106:42 — Set-piece comedies vs. CGI

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Takeaways

There’s Something About Mary sits in that sweet spot in American comedy where outrageous, memorable set pieces and endearing character work meet smart structure and unfiltered bad taste. The hosts revisit not just its funniest moments but its impact on comedy, the rise of Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz, the changing cultural context, and the nostalgia for gut-busting, envelope-pushing crowd comedies. As Bill puts it: “You can't have a comedy do better than this. I don't think this movie was an absolute comedy phenomenon that made a ton of money and either created stars or made stars bigger.” (87:36)

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(For brevity, sponsor spots, intros, and outros are omitted as requested.)

Transcript

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[Bill Simmons]

The rewatchables is brought to you by the Ringer podcast network where you can find the big picture with Sean Fennessy, now newsletter writer.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes, that's right.

[Bill Simmons]

Projections.

[Chris Ryan]

That's right.

[Bill Simmons]

How's that going for you?

[Chris Ryan]

Very well. As you know, writing is very easy and so it's been coming along nicely. Thank you for asking.

[Bill Simmons]

How much sleep have you had the last two weeks?

[Chris Ryan]

I'm sleeping very well. It's the writing that is the challenge. So I'm working on it.

[Sierra Marquina]

I offered to edit it today. He rejected.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you really? Yeah. Editing team.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Vast fleet of very skilled men and women claw closely GPT all them. No, I would. No, I know. I would never do that.

[Bill Simmons]

Are you going to allow people to come in for a guest paragraph on physical media?

[Chris Ryan]

This is the second time that you've asked if you can come in for a guest paragraph.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that's all I'm capable of is a paragraph.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, you say that, but then you're going to be like, actually, I just

[Bill Simmons]

kind of let 5,000 words. Sierra, what are you up to? You still working?

[Sierra Marquina]

My real passion is my hobby, which is working with Andy Greenwald on the watch.

[Bill Simmons]

Sounds great. There's Something about Mary. A classic. And it's next. This episode is brought to you by Apple and at&t. Scroll long enough and you'll hear it all. Miracle diets, fitness trends, you name it. But with iPhone and Apple watch, you get meaningful insights from a very trusted source. Your body. You can track sleep, quality, cardio, fitness and more. Then unpack all the information in the health app on iPhone to get a picture of your overall health. These health insights are developed with clinical experts from start to finish. Find out [e-mail]. apple Watch is not a medical device and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. Alrighty. Hardest I've ever laughed in a movie theater. Mount Rushmore, Naked Gun. Okay, there's something about Mary the Hangover and Buffalo Bill and Silence of the Lambs. That's my top four. Three of them were comedies, including this one.

[Sierra Marquina]

Hereditary in the mix there at all or no Hereditary.

[Chris Ryan]

Got it.

[Bill Simmons]

No, those are my top four. But I saw this in the theater with my future wife and just raucous laughter. People just love this movie. How long Phenomenon.

[Chris Ryan]

How long had you guys been together when you saw this?

[Bill Simmons]

The first summer we were together. Oh, wow.

[Sierra Marquina]

One of the first movies you guys saw together.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, one of them.

[Chris Ryan]

Did you think of it like a test in any way? Like, if she likes this, we're good.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, I didn't think of that at the time, but I do feel like I was probably destined to be with somebody who would have laughed during a lot of this movie. Right. If you're sitting next to somebody who's like, oh, probably a bad sign. What about you, cr? Where did you see it?

[Sierra Marquina]

Still one of the most memorable theater going experiences of my life. I saw this one, I believe, in Boston. I think almost as soon as it came out. And it was like, it was like watching people go through a religious experience, falling into the aisles, people crying, sodas and popcorns flying in the air. And that kind of two track mind you have watching it where you're laughing at it and you're also like, I can't believe they're pulling this off. Or I can't believe they're going for this. So, yeah, just definitely burned into my memory.

[Chris Ryan]

I vividly remember seeing it for the first time. I saw it with 10 friends. It was in the summer of 98. I was 15, turning 16, and it was like going to church for a bunch of teenage boys. It was like the apotheosis of what was happening in comedies at this point and raucous laughter. I think as I look at the movie now, which I still think is so funny, I actually don't think it's really lost an inch of how much it makes me laugh. But I don't think I really understood what the movie was trying to accomplish at all. Like, I could only react to the set pieces. Like I wasn't thinking about the ideas, I wasn't even thinking about the weirdness of the characters. And so it's funny that it still has the power that it had when I was with 10 other dudes in a movie theater.

[Sierra Marquina]

It was a really weird rewatch because I was like, oh, I'm going in, and it's franken beans and its hair gel. And I was like, is Matt Dillon in this movie? One of the greatest comedic performances in cinema history coming out. I was like, this guy is throwing a perfect game in this movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I remember Goldman wrote about this in a couple different ways, but he. He was obsessed with this movie, how, like, smartly constructed it was. He did the more adventure, the screen trade and did a whole thing about the zipper scene and just how brilliant it is. I think that's what it's been on a million times. I always get sucked in the structure of it, how smart it is, how well constructed it is from start to finish, how good the character's in. Like, we had the Dion Waiters award. It's probably 10 Dion waiters in this movie, and they're all coming in hot. And the movie just doesn't let up. And I don't think it peters off at all.

[Chris Ryan]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

The first hour is probably a little funnier, but I think it just rides. And then you have great performances, including Cameron Diaz, who became an A lister after this movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

The funniest thing about watching it this time was how gutsy it is for Stiller to basically do this movie and in the entire film is him reacting to stuff. It's like, it is the most straight man lead performance in a comedy that I can think of in a lot of ways, because it's so thankless. He's gonna basically get his balls caught in a zipper. He's gonna blow his load, and he's gonna get, like, run through the wringer this entire movie. And everybody else is gonna get.

[Bill Simmons]

Don't forget about rest stops, the bathhouses in the 90s.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's just gonna be, hey, wait your turn, dude. Jenkins in this movie. But it's just such a great lead performance because he's just like, I'm gonna let everybody else cook while I move through this movie.

[Chris Ryan]

But by the same token, you can feel him making a choice that's like, I found my movie star Persona. This is the movie that unlocks the similar kind of character he plays in, like, 10 consecutive studio comedies after this. So it's actually really smart on his part because before this, you know, he's in some interesting movies, and he's still trying to figure out he's balancing a lot of these, like, independent dramas. The same year as Permanent Midnight, same year as Less Than Zero.

[Bill Simmons]

Don't forget your friends And Neighbors, your Friends and Neighbors. Jason Patrick told him a long story about the guy in high school and

[Chris Ryan]

he's already directed Reality Bites and he's had the tv, but he. This isn't the guy from Meet the Parents, you know, this isn't the guy from Night at the Museum yet. So he's gonna.

[Bill Simmons]

I was gonna do this later, but we can do it now. He had not carried a movie yet. He was Ben Stiller show Reality Bites heavyweights if Lucy Fell, Flirting With Disaster. Directed the Cable Guy the year before he did episodes of Friends and Larry Sanders. He was the second lead of zero effect in 1998 with Bill Paulman and Ryan O'. Neill. I don't know if I. Sean owns it on 4K.

[Chris Ryan]

Really funny movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Really funny.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like a detective comedy that's played very straight.

[Bill Simmons]

But I didn't think Ben Stiller could lead a movie. I didn't know what he was. And he goes from this 11 year run of There's Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Zoolander, Royal Tandenbaums. Along came Paulie Starskin, Hutch, Anchorman, Dodgeball, Meet the Fockers, Heartbreak Kid, Tropic Thunder, just all in a row. And he becomes the biggest comedy star we have, which I think the odds in 1998 of like our next giant comedy star would be. Ben Stiller would have been 100 to 1.

[Sierra Marquina]

No, I never would have guessed it.

[Chris Ryan]

He was doing things outside of movie roles, though, like he was hosting the MTV Movie Awards and he was doing that. The famous. The. The Tom Cruise stunt double thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he was. He was doing. He did have cool guy, cool comedy guy energy. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

He was making himself known.

[Sierra Marquina]

But I almost could have seen him having like a secondary, like Albert Brooks type career where it's like kind of a fringe character who directs his own stuff. But it's like a very niche kind of thing for. So for him to be this. This mainstream is pretty surprising.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, that's why your Friends and Neighbors is so interesting, because it almost seems like he's wondering if he should be a serious actor.

[Chris Ryan]

The Permanent Midnight too.

[Bill Simmons]

Very. Yeah. Both movies are very tough hangs.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, very serious. Like looking at like sexual perversion among couples looking at addiction. Like he. You can feel him trying to figure out, like, what's the right path for me.

[Bill Simmons]

Which ironically, Jon Stewart was a little like that too. He was. And he was one of the runners up for this movie. But he was also like, am I an actor? What am I? Stiller. I remember when he was on SNL for like the all time cup of coffee. I don't even think it was half a season, but did Eddie Munster and he did a Tom Cruise and people knew he was Stiller and Maris kid. I never saw the Ben Stiller show. I'm not gonna pretend. I was like, oh, yeah. I didn't even really remember that happening.

[Sierra Marquina]

That was on Fox right there.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it was on Fox. It kind of came. And it wasn't until Reality Bites, which we talked about.

[Chris Ryan]

There's some funny stuff on that show, though. And it had, you know, Cross Nodenkirk and Janine Garofalo. It had a bunch of people who went on to be like.

[Sierra Marquina]

Did it have, like a crazy writing staff too?

[Craig Robeck]

Probably.

[Chris Ryan]

I think so, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Funniest movies of the 1990s. I'm going to give my list from seven to one.

[Chris Ryan]

Funniest movies of the 1990s. You're just going to give this away right now? Yeah, you should put this on Substack.

[Bill Simmons]

This is going to be the new running joke.

[Chris Ryan]

Just saying.

[Sierra Marquina]

Can't tell if you like it.

[Bill Simmons]

You'll have to read it on projections this Wednesday.

[Sierra Marquina]

And number one coming Thursday.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, like, actually, I'll give you a top eight because I bumped Dirty Work. Dirty Work. Eight. We've done that on Rewatchables.

[Chris Ryan]

Hell, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Groundhog Day. Seven. Happy Gilmore. Six. Wayne's World. Five. Austin Powers, two for. I think that was 1999. Dumb and Dumber. Tommy Boy. There's Something About Mary. That's what I have.

[Chris Ryan]

Sorry, Billy Madison was not on the list.

[Bill Simmons]

Was not. That's my top eight.

[Chris Ryan]

Shameful.

[Bill Simmons]

Doesn't mean that list shouldn't have had 20 movies. But I think Mary was one of the funniest. I think it was the funniest movie of the 90s, leading me to my next list. Funniest movie by decade.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh. How far back did you go?

[Bill Simmons]

70s.

[Sierra Marquina]

Okay.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

They didn't know comedy in the 60s.

[Chris Ryan]

Funniest movie of the 1930s. Go.

[Sierra Marquina]

Is that bringing up baby in the 30s?

[Chris Ryan]

Sure. Yeah. 39. Got it. Nailed it.

[Bill Simmons]

Got it.

[Chris Ryan]

Is it 39? I don't even know. I think it is.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you have for the seventies? The funniest movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

The seventies.

[Bill Simmons]

Funniest movie. Slapshot. Interesting.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. But here's my comedy tastes tend to go more towards character stuff than it is like Tommy Boy. Like, I think I would say Young

[Chris Ryan]

Frankenstein is probably my favorite.

[Bill Simmons]

All right. I had Animal House, 1980s Caddyshack, Naked Gun and Airplane were my three finalists. And I Need more time, but those were the three I had.

[Chris Ryan]

When will you be deciding?

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe like seven podcasts from now. I'll let people know where I land.

[Chris Ryan]

You should be doing a pod with Van and Joe and be like, just want you guys to know I've decided. I talked about this with Chris and Se.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know if you knew, but three weeks ago, 90s Mary 2000s gets really hard with Anchorman, Superbad, and the Hangover, and I need more time to decide on that.

[Chris Ryan]

I think it's Anchorman too. The Hangover, which has many complexities in this day and age, did have a very similar feeling to this movie in theaters. In theaters, where it was like, this is a rock concert.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. When he gets tased in the Hangover,

[Bill Simmons]

you're just in the face, not at the table. Carlos is still the funniest thing that's ever happened. And then 2000 and tens. I actually think it's bridesmaids.

[Sierra Marquina]

Is stepbrothers 2000 and tens?

[Bill Simmons]

No, that's 2000. Oh, that's so step brothers could be in the 2000s too. What's your 2000s movie, Craig?

[Craig Robeck]

My God, I have to pick one.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Now, quickly. Bill gets to wait seven weeks. You go now.

[Sierra Marquina]

Probably.

[Craig Robeck]

I mean, Anchorman, I think, has, like, the most quotes that I've taken with me throughout my life. And then maybe super bad in forgetting Sarah Marshall.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

It's impossible. Stepbrothers and Hangover is so good.

[Bill Simmons]

You almost need more time with it. I do think it's bridesmaids for the 10.

[Sierra Marquina]

He's anytime. That would be good.

[Bill Simmons]

Bridesmaids is so funny. Yes. Like, it's like, clearly the champ of that year. Anyway. I don't know if you had any quibbles.

[Chris Ryan]

Wasn't prepared for this query.

[Sierra Marquina]

Do we have a 20s?

[Bill Simmons]

Do we make comedies anymore? Do we have comedies anymore? What happened to comedies?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, we just. Well, Craig and I were just talking about one that's coming out in June called the Invite, which was pretty funny.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Seth Rogen, Olivia Wilde, Edward Norton, and Penelope Cruise.

[Craig Robeck]

God, what is the funniest movie of the 2000s?

[Bill Simmons]

How sad is that? We can't even think off top of our heads.

[Chris Ryan]

There was just a big, biggish comedy, smallish comedy this year. What was the 2026 comedy? The one comedy.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, didn't. The Naked Gun remake came out?

[Chris Ryan]

That was in 2025. Yeah. Which you said you were 2020.

[Sierra Marquina]

Like a comedy this year that did well.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Well, the drama's pretty funny.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Is it? I haven't seen that.

[Sierra Marquina]

Not Step Brothers.

[Chris Ryan]

Different kind of cool festivals.

[Bill Simmons]

Thank you, guys.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's a movie that made $100 million. It's been out for like weeks.

[Bill Simmons]

You could have just got the drama. Yeah, it's the fucking basketball playoffs. I'm not going to the movie theater.

[Sierra Marquina]

It was out before the basketball playoffs. It was Pattinson and Zendaya. You're the consumer. You're the guy who's got four screens.

[Bill Simmons]

I'll see it when it's on a streamer.

[Chris Ryan]

Did you see Netflix's new film Oops I Pooped My Pants and Also Killed My Daughter's Boyfriend?

[Bill Simmons]

Does that exist?

[Sierra Marquina]

Have you gone public?

[Bill Simmons]

That's with great title. They should do that.

[Sierra Marquina]

But it's like new franchise. Have you talked publicly about how you watch things called like I'm my own Mother on Netflix? And you're like, you're sending texts.

[Bill Simmons]

I've never seen that one.

[Sierra Marquina]

As if you're like, you guys up on this yet? Like, me and Sean are sitting around.

[Bill Simmons]

I like to let you guys know what the common people. Watch out. Nobody dumps my daughter is something you guys need to know about. Yeah, it's always like, husband, father, killer.

[Chris Ryan]

I just stabbed a drifter with a tire iron. And also I found my mom.

[Sierra Marquina]

2032.

[Bill Simmons]

Nobody watchables, nobody dumps My Daughter is the best title of all time. Just wait till we do our rewatchables next year. This movie laid the ground for the 2000s R rated comedy boom. Yeah, really starting with American Pie and Road Trip, but then Old School really officially kicks it off. But I think this pulled the seal off. Comedies cannot be R rated because they won't make as much money. This movie made a shitload of money.

[Chris Ryan]

See, I. I thought of another movie that I chose for my double feature, but I feel like is in in concert with this, which was American Pie. I felt like American Pie came one year later and it was like those two summers.

[Bill Simmons]

But did American Pie. Part of the reason it pushed the envelope was because this movie pushed the envelope. And they were like, no, maybe he can fuck a pie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, totally.

[Bill Simmons]

I think, I think it did help.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I think that's right.

[Sierra Marquina]

The stories about the test screenings for this movie and how the Farrelly brothers were like completely open to the idea of like, maybe this will be too far and maybe this won't work. And then them showing it and Peter Chernin just being like, yeah, don't change a thing. I was disgusted, but don't change the thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, they filmed the two different versions of the hair gel, you know, that was the deal they made with Cameron Diaz. It will have this too. And if it doesn't work or however they did it, not knowing if people would be like, that's disgusting. I'm leaving. And it was the opposite. It was. And if you watch that scene when it cuts to her with the hair, like, not a lot's happening in the dialogue because they know how funny it is and know everybody's gonna be laughing. So it kind of doesn't even matter what it is.

[Sierra Marquina]

I have no idea what's said in that scene.

[Bill Simmons]

Cameron Diaz, who did the mask in 1994 out of modeling. It was like the first thing she ever did. 1996, she's the one. Which I consider the dream team too. A lot of people think it's the Olympic team that year we had. But no Shaq. No. It's actually burns gets Aniston McGlone.

[Chris Ryan]

Maxine Bonds. Aniston. Cameron Diaz.

[Bill Simmons]

And Leslie Mann.

[Sierra Marquina]

And Leslie Mann. Tom Petty on the soundtrack.

[Chris Ryan]

Tom Petty. Don't forget Amanda Pete.

[Sierra Marquina]

Amanda Pete.

[Bill Simmons]

That's my 1996 dream team. My Best Friend's Wedding.

[Chris Ryan]

Good film.

[Sierra Marquina]

She's fantastic in that too.

[Bill Simmons]

Really good.

[Chris Ryan]

Very fun.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Mary in 98 and she becomes a. A list star. Ends up in being John Malkovich. Any given Sunday, Charlie's Angels, Shrek, Vanilla sky, tough casting and gangs in New York. Maybe that's a redo.

[Sierra Marquina]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

And it just keeps going from there. And she also had high profile relationships. Sean with Matt Dillon, Jared Leto, Justin Timberlake and a rod.

[Chris Ryan]

Those are all a rod.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what I've learned? She doesn't have a type. She married Benji Madden. She just. Love is love for her. Doesn't matter who it is. She could have fallen for Craig. Could have been anybody. Matt Dillon, Jared Leto, Justin Timberlake. And a Rod.

[Chris Ryan]

That would be weird if she fell in love with 13 year old Craig in 1999. How old was he? Craig?

[Craig Robeck]

I was five.

[Chris Ryan]

Five. Okay.

[Craig Robeck]

It would have been really weird.

[Sierra Marquina]

Is she married now?

[Bill Simmons]

Benji Madden?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, I mean, you know, you're not

[Craig Robeck]

checked up on her.

[Chris Ryan]

She's back, by the way.

[Bill Simmons]

She's back.

[Chris Ryan]

She retired from.

[Sierra Marquina]

She was in the Joni Hill movie. Right.

[Craig Robeck]

And won last year with Jamie Fox.

[Chris Ryan]

She was back in action. Was last year and this year was Outcome.

[Bill Simmons]

Where do you stand on Mary as the perfect girl? Because this movie does a lot of.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's the most interesting conversation that's probably come out of the couple of decades of Discourse about this movie is how knowing it is about the different ways you can read it. So you can read Mary as. I think there's a Dave Kerr line. The critic Dave Kerr, who said that she was like a fantasy of flawlessness and that everything Mary does is like the exact dream scenario for a guy.

[Bill Simmons]

Dave Kerr sounds like a fun hang.

[Sierra Marquina]

And then very good critic. But then you could also flip it and say that the funniest thing about this movie is how it's the guys who are doing all the acrobatics to like bend their Personas to what they think Mary wants from them. I don't know.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, that's the ingenious idea of the movie, right? Is that she is supposed to represent this like ideal of male desire. Right. Where it's like she's into sports, she just wants to eat hot dogs. Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

She loves beer.

[Chris Ryan]

She golfs in her free time. You know what?

[Bill Simmons]

I really want to dive into this. Loves football.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

85. She's in on the Niners early. Smells the dinners.

[Sierra Marquina]

Want to come upstairs and watch Sports Center?

[Chris Ryan]

She has tapes. One month draft stuff status.

[Bill Simmons]

She has a great golf swing. Yeah, that's really her. Apparently they had a golf standby stand in person.

[Sierra Marquina]

She over rotates, but yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And you think so? Yeah. A CR with golf tips.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, I've just. I've been in the like the YouTube minds with golf talk.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, let's talk about.

[Craig Robeck]

I forgot.

[Bill Simmons]

Your true passion.

[Sierra Marquina]

I've been studying under the tutelage of a man named Mr. Tropicana.

[Chris Ryan]

Thank you.

[Sierra Marquina]

The hoot who taught me a lot about.

[Chris Ryan]

When you say studying, you mean just watching his videos like you don't know them?

[Sierra Marquina]

No, I don't go to Covina to like get his tips.

[Bill Simmons]

Great golf swing. Loves meat on a stick.

[Chris Ryan]

Yep, sure.

[Bill Simmons]

Really underrated cigarette smoker in this. I don't know if she De Niro'd it. Did you see that?

[Sierra Marquina]

Which is odd for an orthopedic surgeon.

[Bill Simmons]

Even at 98, she casually was like checking out people in the Copacabana. What bar was he in?

[Sierra Marquina]

I think so. Copa Gomez.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Great person. Works with special needs adults, gives apples to homeless people.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think that guy just is a guy with a boat. Is he homeless?

[Chris Ryan]

He's not boatless.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Was he hanging out?

[Sierra Marquina]

I thought he was like the dock master.

[Bill Simmons]

He's in the IMDb as homeless man. So I don't know whether maybe it was a miscalculation, but yeah, she's basically great. Hang on. Laughing at everything but the Idea that

[Chris Ryan]

all these guys have to lie about who they are and what they want to get her. Even though she is the on paper. If only, you know, my wife could be like this.

[Bill Simmons]

Right, right.

[Chris Ryan]

That's like the whole genius idea of the movie.

[Bill Simmons]

These guys are all losers who don't really deserve her and they have to come up with these elaborate stupid ways to get her. That that's I think the joke of the movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yes. And. But it's like, I think that there's like you could probably do the opposite read which is like this isn't a real person. So then does the character work? But I tend to believe the opposite. You know what?

[Bill Simmons]

In the summer of 1998, I was just thinking about the laughter.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, I think we all were. I think we all were.

[Chris Ryan]

I definitely did not realize that this was a high level stalker comedy in 1998. I mean that is what the movie really is. It's about a bunch of guys that are stalking this woman.

[Sierra Marquina]

So like that's the funny. Other funny thing is that you could say that this is like an update of a Preston Sturgess plot. Like of like a real screwball comedy. Like you're never gonna what happens next kind of story. But I do think that all the guys are like basically should be in jail by the end of the movie. Including, including Ted.

[Chris Ryan]

I wrote down this is When Harry Met Sally for weirdos. I mean that's really what the premise and plot of the movie is.

[Bill Simmons]

Matt Dillon in an all time elite scumbag in this movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Phenomenal.

[Bill Simmons]

And was dating Cameron Diaz in real life. Career resurgence of in and out. Wild things. And there's something about Mary. We just did wild things. He as a kid actor. He was in three S.E. hinton movies. He was in My Bodyguard which was the first time I saw him. And women just love Matt Dillon.

[Sierra Marquina]

Drugstore cowboy, right over the edge.

[Bill Simmons]

It's kind of all over the place with his IMDb with a lot of twists and turns out he'd never really done a comedy like this before. He was the original choice for Butch and Pulp Fiction which we talked about when we did the Pulp Fiction that I think would have been a huge. An important thing for him.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I think he would have been good in that part too.

[Bill Simmons]

I also, I don't know why he wasn't an entourage as their older brother. Why he couldn't have come in and done a three episode arc. Yo bro, I can't believe you're here.

[Chris Ryan]

Can think of a few reasons why Dylan.

[Sierra Marquina]

Or would he be Playing.

[Bill Simmons]

I think he's playing Drama's older brother. They are like their half brother, Steve

[Chris Ryan]

Drama or Steve Drama.

[Bill Simmons]

Stevie Draba. Weird career in the sense that it feels like there should have been a TV pivot to some sort of prestige show in 2014. That never really happened. And I don't really know what he's been doing the last 15 years, but everybody likes Matt Dylan. He never did his version of that Kevin Bacon show on Showtime.

[Chris Ryan]

Or eight, nine years ago, he did a Lars Von Trier movie called the House that Jack.

[Bill Simmons]

Five episodes.

[Chris Ryan]

It was a movie. It's like a movie about a serial killer. It's a crazy movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I thought it was a split. I never saw it.

[Chris Ryan]

No, no.

[Sierra Marquina]

He did an Apple show with. With Patricia Arquette that was kind of like a crime show, like a noir.

[Bill Simmons]

Was it a show where somebody dies in the beginning?

[Sierra Marquina]

And I think it's called High Desert.

[Chris Ryan]

Did they solve it?

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, I think they only did a season of it. I remember watching We'll Never know.

[Bill Simmons]

Craig, have you seen that Apple show when somebody dies in the beginning?

[Craig Robeck]

I think so. Yeah, I saw that one.

[Bill Simmons]

We don't know who did it, but then each episode ends and then could have been that person.

[Craig Robeck]

And then there's another season. It's a whole new cast, but there's also a murder at the beginning of that season.

[Sierra Marquina]

Spiritually under the same umbrella.

[Craig Robeck]

It's like the same theme song, but a little different every time.

[Bill Simmons]

And every actor peaked, like, six years ago, but their agent definitely told them it was gonna be a great idea.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah, I like that show.

[Sierra Marquina]

Matt Dillon feels like he. He's primed for a white lotus appearance.

[Bill Simmons]

That's the thing. I feel like if Matt Dillon gets dropped into any sort of cool. If he'd been in Beef Anything people, the reaction would have been, hey, Matt Dillon. Sure, I love Matt Dillon, but he's always kind of existed in that world where people like him. I don't know. I feel like he's two movies short. Sean.

[Chris Ryan]

I know what you mean.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, it's a little like Mikhail Bridges on the Knicks right now.

[Chris Ryan]

All right, all right. Just settle down, please. It's only six years later that he's in Crash, which is a joke now, but at the time won best picture. And he's the handsy police officer.

[Bill Simmons]

And he's good in Crash. Whether you like that movie or not, he's good in it.

[Chris Ryan]

Not a great character.

[Bill Simmons]

Not a good character, but he's the performance.

[Chris Ryan]

He gives a good performance. But then after that, here are the movies he makes after Crash. Loverboy. You seen that?

[Bill Simmons]

Not the Kirstie Alley one.

[Chris Ryan]

No. Factotum.

[Sierra Marquina]

Never heard of that.

[Chris Ryan]

Which is a Bukowski adaptation. Herbie, Fully Loaded, Yume and Dupree.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

You, me, and Dupree.

[Chris Ryan]

Nothing but the Truth. The Kate Beckinsale political drama Old Dogs with Robin Williams and John Travolta.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know Old Dogs.

[Sierra Marquina]

Isn't that the motorcycle movie?

[Chris Ryan]

No, no, that's Wild Hogs.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, come on, Chris.

[Chris Ryan]

Old Dogs is about.

[Bill Simmons]

It's Wild Hogs.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, Wild Hogs and Old Dogs is a killer double, though. Takers? You seen Takers?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Thriller with Paul Walker.

[Bill Simmons]

Couldn't he have been prisoners instead of.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, this Jack. This is a rough 10 years.

[Sierra Marquina]

Is he in, like, 187 or what? What is the, like, the thriller he's in? It's like Anthony Mackie one that's pretty

[Bill Simmons]

good where he plays, but the wheels have come off.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, and he plays like, an armored truck. Security guard.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's called Armored.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

He plays Mike Cochran opposite Laurence Fishburne, Jean Renault, Milo Ventimiglia, Skeet Ulrich and Columbus Short.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, okay. This is like when I texted you guys a couple days ago with Mark Wahlberg's IMDb in the 2020s, and it's like, when did Mark Wahlberg just give up? It's seven straight years of just. Ugh.

[Chris Ryan]

Yep.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's just.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, and I thought. I didn't realize it was over, but apparently it was. Sometimes, I guess that happens.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's. I think for. Do you want to have the Mark Wahlberg conversation or the Matt Dillon conversation?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, either.

[Sierra Marquina]

Okay. The Mark Wahlberg thing. I think he used to work routinely with really interesting and challenging directors and now no longer does, for the most part.

[Chris Ryan]

You know, Matt Dillon was in Asteroid City, the Wes Anderson movie. You didn't see that?

[Bill Simmons]

There's more there, right?

[Chris Ryan]

He's a mechanic.

[Sierra Marquina]

He's the mechanic.

[Bill Simmons]

He's phenomenal in this part. It's really, really funny. I can't even think of anybody else who would have been good in this in the same way.

[Chris Ryan]

So he's, like, always likable and interesting, and I think he's a good leading man and all those teen movies in the 80s. But do you think that because he was dating Cameron Diaz, he felt, like, more free? He's never been this funny. What explains Deuce, Deuce and a Half? His facility with the jokes is so

[Sierra Marquina]

good, they're twining their image.

[Chris Ryan]

This better work for Rice.

[Sierra Marquina]

A Roni I think it's always fun when an actor is known for dramatic parts, does a comedy and is in the comedy, treating the part as seriously as he would any drama. But he, Matt Dillon knows how fucking funny this is. But he's like Pat Healy, private eye who falls in love with his own subject. I'm. I'm like 110% committed to it.

[Bill Simmons]

And even when he's mugging, it's funny.

[Sierra Marquina]

But his willingness to do it, to put on the veneers and to wear the stupid shirts is just unreal.

[Bill Simmons]

Or when Tucker's telling Mary all the fake stuff about him, like he killed the guy and he's just in the car like, like, just, like he just knows the jig is up. Yeah, he's really great in this.

[Sierra Marquina]

Do you feel like this movie, like when you, when you were like, let's do some. There's something about Mary, I was like, absolutely. Like, this is such a singular experience, watching this thing. Do you feel like its second life has been more muted than you would have thought in when you first saw it?

[Chris Ryan]

I had a follow up related question to this. If you had to guess what number in terms of popularity is this movie for Cameron Diaz on letterboxd.

[Bill Simmons]

Interesting, because you could make the case

[Chris Ryan]

this is her biggest and most important movie.

[Bill Simmons]

I would have said the holidays first

[Chris Ryan]

holiday is ahead of it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Malovich is ahead of it.

[Bill Simmons]

Probably Charlie's Angels is probably ahead of it because people are dopes. That movie's awful. What else? How far is it? How far down is it?

[Chris Ryan]

14.

[Sierra Marquina]

That's wild.

[Craig Robeck]

How is it measured people's star rating

[Chris Ryan]

popularity on this app?

[Craig Robeck]

It's just how many people have starred the movie?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I think who like it, the ratings, all those things are taken into consideration. But it is, you know, you've got some weird outliers or you've got like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. She's in like one scene in that movie. But like Gangs of New York is ahead of it. The Mask is ahead of it. All the Shrek movies are ahead of it. Vanilla sky is ahead of it. My Best Friend's Wedding is ahead of it. In 1998, we were like, not only is she the new Julia Roberts, she's like the new Audrey Hepburn. She's like, this is a person who's on the collision course of megastardom.

[Sierra Marquina]

And from 1998, this movie is standing on its own two feet against Titanic, Private Ryan and Armageddon. Titanic, Private Ryan and Armageddon have gone on to all be rewatchables I believe, all be rewatched by people, like, routinely, all the time. And this, I feel like when you mentioned it to me, I was like, oh, yeah. Like. But I haven't watched this movie in forever for some reason.

[Bill Simmons]

I think part of the problem with it, other than there's probably some stuff that people feel like hasn't aged well. It's like big set pieces that people feel like they don't need to see it because they know what the set pieces are where it's like, oh, yeah, there's gonna be the two scenes with the dog, and there's gonna be the one. The hair gel scene, and there's going to, you know, the zipper scene. And I've seen that, but I don't think it gets enough credit for how smart the script is and how good the actors are in. Also feels like it belongs to a different generation.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Because I was looking at the 98 movies that were comedies. There's something about Mary Big Lebowski, Waterboy, Rush Hour, Wedding Singer, Night at the Roxbury, Half Baked, Dirty Work and Basketball just feels very 90s, you know?

[Chris Ryan]

And then Lebowski has endured, you know, like, some. Sometimes movies have been.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I don't know why this one didn't endure. Look at the Coens.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, I thought you were.

[Bill Simmons]

It became. It was a cult movie that, you know, I think grew some legs as the years passed and has a bunch of fun people in it.

[Chris Ryan]

I had the same thought, though, while watching it, where it's like, it has kind of turned into a little bit of an artifact, which is an interesting. For me, it's probably one of the first examples of a movie that, when it happened, I was very aware of it. I was consuming a lot of media around it, a lot of reviews of it, magazine stories about it, and I felt like, well, this is just an absolute neutron bomb for a teenage boy. Like, this is a huge thing. And now. And I think some of it is what you're describing, but the thing about the stuff that is insensitive or hasn't aged well or whatever is the only people who are doing that stuff are the people who were meant to believe are buffoons in the movie. Like, the movie is relatively sensitive to some of the ideas that it's portraying for the people who are impacted by it and understand it are in that world. The family, for example. It's all the guys who are made to be the butt of the joke throughout the movie who are the ones who are insensitive. So, like, that can't be the only reason, right, why it's come down a little bit.

[Sierra Marquina]

I was also wondering, like, you know, it's such a sincere movie in so many ways. Like the soundtrack, the colors of the movie. It feels. Feels very pop. It feels very kind of weirdly optimistic. When you're watching it, you kind of have a mild grin on, even when it isn't one of the big set pieces. And for better or for worse, so much comedy has gravitated towards, especially on screen comedy. Not only is it on tv, but it's like Nathan Fielder and Tim Robinson and this kind of like, if you're going to do something that's got an incredibly extreme sight gag, it has to be like really weird. You know, like there can't just be like, this is really funny that this guy thought like masturbating before a date was a good idea, but it would

[Bill Simmons]

be like flogging the dolphins.

[Sierra Marquina]

Then he gets caught by like a local newspaper. If it was Tim Robinson, just even

[Chris Ryan]

Tucker, like wobbling back and forth. That stuff is just like, that's like Three Stooges, you know, it's just pure sight gag comedy.

[Bill Simmons]

Farrelly Brothers did Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin, and there's Something about Mary in a Row, basically.

[Sierra Marquina]

But this is the third one they had to save themselves after Kingpin for the first time.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, Kingpin Bombs, which I had forgotten.

[Chris Ryan]

Just an all time classic. I popped it in immediately after watching There's Something about Mary. I love that movie so much.

[Bill Simmons]

That was Ed Dector and John Strauss. Friends of the Farrellys wrote the script, Fairleighs bought it, ran with it, and they wanted to do something more for adults, Animal House style. And they knew this was their last chance. Basically. This doesn't work. It's not going to happen. We'll take a break and then we'll talk about a couple other things, including the Oscars for that year. This episode is brought to you by McDonald's right now at McDonald's, you can get great deals all day with McValue. That's right. Jumpstart your day with the under $3 menu featuring a sausage McMuffin for just $1.50. Or grab the perfect lunch with the McDouble for just 250. Honestly, nothing pairs with a movie marathon like a McDouble in hand. Gotta love the McDoubles. Get even more value with McValue. Only at McDonald's. Limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. This episode is brought to you by Apple and at&t. Scroll long enough and you'll hear it all. Miracle diets, fitness trends, you name it. But with iPhone and Apple Watch, you get meaningful insights from a very trusted source your body. You can track sleep quality, cardio fitness and more. Then unpack all the information in the health app on iPhone to get a picture of your overall health. These health insights are developed with clinical experts from start to finish. Find out [e-mail] health Apple Watch is not a medical device and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice. So Goldman was adamant that this movie should have been nominated for best picture and that Cameron Diaz should have been nominated for best actress. I'll give you the best picture that year. Shakespeare in Love. Elizabeth, Life is Beautiful, Saving Private, Orion and the Thin Red Line. Who you bumping, Sean?

[Chris Ryan]

Easy. Life is Beautiful. Get it out.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, people at the time that also got nominated for directed our director, he won for best actor, best actress in a leading role. Gwyneth Paltrowans for Shakespeare in Love. Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth. Fernanda Montenegro for Central Station.

[Sierra Marquina]

Way to go.

[Bill Simmons]

What are your thoughts on that one?

[Chris Ryan]

It's a Brazilian cinema classic. In fact, her daughter, Fernanda Torres was nominated two years ago for best actress.

[Bill Simmons]

Streep One True Thing. Kind of like when Kobe would make the all defense near the end of his career.

[Sierra Marquina]

I gotta be honest.

[Bill Simmons]

Automatic nomination.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's the first time hearing of One true Thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I don't even remember.

[Chris Ryan]

Listen to our Meryl Streep hall of fame then.

[Sierra Marquina]

I'm sorry.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, sorry.

[Chris Ryan]

Just outed himself.

[Bill Simmons]

Sorry. It's basketball player.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

What is one shirt grinding tape.

[Sierra Marquina]

He missed the drama. I missed the Meryl Streep.

[Chris Ryan]

That's the one with William Hurt. Right, where she gets cancer. Meryl Streep's character gets cancer and Renee Zellweger has to come home to help take care of them. Renee Zellweger, I think plays a magazine writer.

[Bill Simmons]

I know.

[Chris Ryan]

Very sincere drama. Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Pretty gets nominated for that.

[Bill Simmons]

Emily Watson and Hillary and Jackie. But as we've discussed many times on the rewatchables, comedy performances and comedies in general do not get treated with any sort of reverence from the Academy.

[Sierra Marquina]

Although I think it's a little harder to get Dylan into supporting actor because it's Coburn Duvall for a Civil Action. Ed Harris Truman Show. Geoffrey Rush, Shakespeare in Love. And he is pretty amazing in that. And Billy Bob Thornton for a Simple Plan. So it's hard to know who you would kick out, but that's who I would. Of the actors that I feel most passionately about would be Dylan for supporting Actor.

[Chris Ryan]

I would have had Simple Plan and Truman show in my best Picture race that year, too.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, if they had the nine films, I wonder if those two get added with their Something about Mary. So anyway, nothing happens. They don't get nominated for screenplay either. $23 million budget made 370.

[Chris Ryan]

Crazy.

[Bill Simmons]

4th biggest movie in 98. Roger Ebert 3 stars. What's a blessed relief is laughter. It flies in the face of manners, values, political correctness and decorum. It exposes us for what we are. The only animal with a sense of humor.

[Sierra Marquina]

We don't know that for sure.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. I'm cooking. Could have added a half star. William Goldman wrote my choice for Best Picture. Was there Something about Mary? I would have given it best Actress and best Screenplay as well. The Academy has always ignored two of the hardest genres to create, comedies and adventure flicks. He just loved this movie. Anyway. Categories. Most rewatchable scene piggyback ride into. He's only 230. Huh? He's just like his back's destroyed by Warren.

[Chris Ryan]

Just the noise of his back cracking when Warren jumps on it is weird.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I don't know when we want to talk about Warren, but W. Earl Brown, I think Warren's incredible in this movie. I think it depends on what maybe some of your background is with the special needs community. We've had. My wife has that in her family. Her Uncle David, My dad worked with special needs people for 15, 20 years. I love the way it approaches the whole concept in this. Like you're always on Warren's side. I feel like they're not making fun of him anyway. Like, he's just a comedy machine. But then as the years pass, it became. The Farrellies have even talked about, like,

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's just the issue of casting somebody.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Outside of that, the Farrelly is basically in the 2010s. They're like, look, we tried a million people. This was the best performance. It was a key part. By the 2000 and 20s, they were like, yeah, we blew this.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

And I get it.

[Chris Ryan]

It's a complicated thing because that was not how people were thinking about it at the time, that that's who should be cast in these parts. And that's changed pretty dramatically in Hollywood. So it's really hard to come down on it. But like I said, still, one thing I like about the movie is like, the movie's not making fun of Warren. You could misconstrue it, though, if you were A teenager. I will say that it was pretty easy for. For people that I knew to misunderstand

[Sierra Marquina]

what they were trying to do. Also have, like, special needs family members, what have you, who were upset by that. But it's just, like, interesting. But it's just. It depends on your personal experience and your taste level and your. I think also, like, it's a very different experience watching this movie in a theater. And 350 people are clearly laughing at Warren. And you're like, that's fucked up. Versus, like, watching it at home and being like, I see what they're doing here and how they're kind of. They're not. They're not. They're celebrating this guy. They're not, like, making fun of him.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And the fairlies, who have done this in a lot of their movies about all types of people in them and all different types of handicap people. He's actually the key to the movie

[Sierra Marquina]

because he's the trustee. He's the barometer of him trusting Ted

[Bill Simmons]

is the most important thing that happens.

[Chris Ryan]

Who's good for Mary.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And they built. They build it up. Anyway. The prom invite's really adorable, too, in that first scene. All right. Ted shows up to take Mary to the prom. This is just an unbelievable seven minutes, five minutes, whatever it is.

[Sierra Marquina]

This was my most fun part about rewatching it is I had forgotten Keith David and Markie Post.

[Bill Simmons]

Just crushing it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Keith David.

[Bill Simmons]

The wedding photo.

[Chris Ryan]

Flawless. Flawless in the scene. It immediately got my energy up just watching him fucking with Ben Stiller.

[Bill Simmons]

The wedding photo of them from the 70s is funny.

[Chris Ryan]

Which was clearly taken, like, one minute before they started shooting.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. When Mary comes down the stairs and Keith David goes, ah, shit, look at that. And then Warren attacking Ted is so fucking funny. Him going to the bathroom. She's a dental hygienist. She'll know exactly what to do. And her answer is to get back teenage.

[Chris Ryan]

And then when she sprays the Bactine.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't know what the technical name is when you're doing comedy to just, like, keep adding layers and layers on top of the same punchline where, like. And then the fireman and then the cop.

[Craig Robeck]

It becomes like Naked Gun for a second. Like the cops climbing in through the window. And the fire department shows up. It's so good.

[Bill Simmons]

And Warren's throwing 110 because he hears the franks and beans. He starts yelling, franks and beans. Though he was masturbating. It's hilarious. Lenny Clark pops in out of nowhere. This is just an. A comedy.

[Sierra Marquina]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

I just have no notes. Every part is great. And even when you see the zipper for a split second, they don't stay in it too long. It's like, oh. Ow.

[Sierra Marquina]

Also, just the decision to have every actor just be playing their teenage self. You know what I mean? Like, not having kids play the parts anyway. And having Stiller as a teenager makes his character so funny immediately.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. I think Keith Davis, especially wanting to get in there and take a good look at it, I think he puts

[Sierra Marquina]

his glasses on, which cracks me up.

[Bill Simmons]

It's just a perfect comedy scene. And then it goes right into the therapy appointment with our guy, Richard Jenkins.

[Sierra Marquina]

This is like a dark horse for me, but Jenkins is unbelievable.

[Chris Ryan]

Look at the food in his mouth,

[Sierra Marquina]

creeping in the back.

[Bill Simmons]

He doesn't have anywhere to wipe his hands.

[Sierra Marquina]

Rest areas are homosexual acts. Highway rest areas are the bathhouses of the 90s.

[Bill Simmons]

Bathhouse of the 90s. One of the funniest ideas of any

[Sierra Marquina]

comedy for many, many, many, many gay

[Chris Ryan]

men is the insinuation when he's like, we'll talk about this more next week, isn't it, that he wants to talk about it?

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, we'll delve into that next week.

[Bill Simmons]

This is his only scene, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's like, uncredited. I think he lived in the area, and they were just like, do you want to.

[Chris Ryan]

There's a funny cutaway to him in the montage at the end, too, where he's rubbing Stiller's back from behind. That is also very funny to this joke.

[Bill Simmons]

Jenkins, underrated comedy actor.

[Chris Ryan]

Speaking of stepbrothers. Right.

[Bill Simmons]

The therapy appointment with Jenkins. And then the next one is Healy lies to Ted about Mary after he comes back from Miami. She's about a deuce, deuce and a half. Ted, don't you want the name of the housing project? Just that two minutes is really great.

[Chris Ryan]

My favorite part of I'd say about a deuce, deuce and a half is when he's like, not bad.

[Bill Simmons]

Healy ropes Marion at the golf course. Every part of this is. Is my real passion, is my hobby. He says, the I work with retards. And she goes, isn't that a little politically incorrect? Well, to hell with the hat. No one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, Right? We got this one kid, Mongo. That scene is out of control.

[Chris Ryan]

I love those goofy bastards a leash.

[Craig Robeck]

Plenty of room to dig.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that kid is really blossomed. I don't know how they did that scene. That scene's unbelievable. The crazy dog scene when Puffer passes out.

[Sierra Marquina]

Passes out, he dies. He fucking brings it back to life. That's also got Healy telling them in Nepal. The villagers there called me Kintan ti, which means noble man who is loved by many animal, who in kind he loveth too.

[Bill Simmons]

The hitchhiker scene, where do you stand on that one? Cr. 7 minute abs.

[Chris Ryan]

11 out of 10 people don't know about Harlan Williams.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Do you know about Harlan Williams, Craig?

[Craig Robeck]

Yes. Because the movie where he's the astronaut was one of my favorite movies as a kid. What's the name of that movie?

[Chris Ryan]

Space. Is it Spaceman? It's Space Man.

[Craig Robeck]

I love that movie.

[Chris Ryan]

It was really funny.

[Craig Robeck]

Yes.

[Sierra Marquina]

Seven in my office, cuz. You're fucking fire.

[Chris Ryan]

Seven's the key number here. Think about it. Seven, eleven. Seven dwarves. Seven, man. That's the number. Seven chipmunks twirling on a branch, eating lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from

[Craig Robeck]

the sea, Rocket Man.

[Sierra Marquina]

By the way, like you're dreaming about Gorgonzole cheese.

[Chris Ryan]

It's free time, baby.

[Bill Simmons]

He comes in hot DM waiters is going to be impossible. The. The Joe Jackson scene with the flag football, spikes the ball. Exceptional bias. He cheats and checkers. And then he goes right, gets his teeth cap because he overheard her talking about big white teeth. Chris Elliott goes to see Ted is the next one. You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you tell me you spanked the monkey before any big date.

[Sierra Marquina]

You got baby batter on the brain.

[Bill Simmons]

You're going out there with a loaded gun. I do love the most honest moments in a man's life is the few minutes after he's blown and slowed. It's a medical fact. Says that we get the hair gel scene. The cut is great to the hair. We get Puffy and Magda going bonkers

[Sierra Marquina]

on speed and then Puffy attacking Ted.

[Bill Simmons]

I like when he throws the fourth one. He's like, you're gonna kill him. Don't throw another one. And he looks at him and just whips another one out. We get the big confrontation when all the stalkers are all together. And then the closing credits Are really good at this movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I like how much foresight they put into just filming on location as they were finishing scenes and then forcing everybody to do Buttercup. All right, Sierra, what do you got? Most rewatchable scene.

[Sierra Marquina]

Man, I'm so tempted to go to go with Richard Jenkins, but I think the Healy meeting Mary, for me, honestly, the guff.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that's from me as well.

[Sierra Marquina]

Me too.

[Chris Ryan]

It's the funniest stuff.

[Sierra Marquina]

And he's like, how do you know my name? It's written on your golf bag.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And she's so likable in it too, where it's like, it's actually believable that she might fall for this.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, it's also like he's trying to do the like the game, like. Like, I'm going to neg you a little bit. And like kind of act a little aloof to see if that works. But just that their chemistry is very palpable. And outside of the major set pieces, that's my.

[Bill Simmons]

You know what else is impressive about that whole scene? The first driving range shot he takes off the wall, he goes. And it goes off his bag. Like kind of hard to do. I don't even know how they did that.

[Sierra Marquina]

Matt Dillon's dad was a golf pro.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. So he must have intentionally dead. What do you have?

[Chris Ryan]

That's my favorite scene. I will say anytime Ted and Pat are talking to each other is incredible. But specifically when he's updating him. The Deuce, Deuce and a half scene. There's a moment near the end of it where he gets handed a Budweiser when they're sitting outside and he goes, excuse me, I ordered a whiskey sour.

[Sierra Marquina]

And the waiter walks away.

[Chris Ryan]

He's like, yeah, whatever.

[Sierra Marquina]

There's also. That killed me this time when Ted goes to see Pat to tell him, like, actually he does want to get in touch with her, but Pat's in the middle of quitting.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

And he's just. That's the whole like, I'm going to Miami. I got a job with Rice. Isn't that San Francisco Trees, like while they're changing their images, think about, wait, it was like it was the sumo thing. It's like she's a male order bride.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you have for most rewatchable scenes?

[Craig Robeck]

It's probably the golf scene or I do think any scene in Mary's apartment is really good. The dog stuff. The first time I saw this movie, the dog stuff slayed me. It's like a 13 year old. Just the physical comedy of that of like pile driving.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. When he. When he puts the dog in the side headlock and then drops him down. That's pure gut busting.

[Bill Simmons]

Great prop. The dog prop is really good.

[Chris Ryan]

It really. The dog going out the window.

[Sierra Marquina]

Go away from the light.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Him shocking the dog.

[Bill Simmons]

He also asked for a butt cake. When they ask him if he wants anything.

[Sierra Marquina]

Do you Want a Heineken or a Budweiser?

[Bill Simmons]

What's the most 1998 thing about this movie? I have some runners up being excited about giving somebody a Tony Coniglar. A signed baseball.

[Sierra Marquina]

Sure.

[Chris Ryan]

Good one.

[Bill Simmons]

That had a shelf life of about maybe 2003. Brett Favre.

[Sierra Marquina]

Cool. Brett Favre.

[Bill Simmons]

Brett Favre being a goody two shoes. Yeah. Cool. Brett Favre. Any part of Brett Favre.

[Chris Ryan]

Yep. Got it.

[Bill Simmons]

Magda. Smoking cools. A whole carton of Cools. I don't even know if that happened.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think cools are still around.

[Bill Simmons]

I have a winner, but what'd you have?

[Sierra Marquina]

I had just like, watching sports highlights at the end of the night being something that you build towards in your life. It's like, let's go home and watch game highlights.

[Chris Ryan]

Picking up hitchhiker.

[Sierra Marquina]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a good one.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, there's a tremendous amount of gay panic jokes in this movie. Like. Like a hundred of them.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

You would never find that in 2020 movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, our winner is Cops, the TV show. Being prominently involved in a scene. Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

That's not the only thing that's happening in that scene.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Woogie getting his knob polished while watching Cops is elite.

[Sierra Marquina]

Completely uncommented on. It's also the last moment the wife is in the movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the wife. Only she's like the ideal, crazy, perfect wife. But he still make cookies. Yeah, yeah. Wood stage. The best.

[Chris Ryan]

Can I say one more thing?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

The way that bad taste is played for laughs instead of, like, dramatic thrills is something really interesting to me about this movie. Like, bad taste is a skill and you can display it in a clever way. The Farrellys always do that. But like, now bad taste to the point about the drama. Or like Eddington, like, then, like, those taboos are things now that people play for. Like, ooh. Like, is it okay to be talking about this? Whereas.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And there's something about Mary. It's just pure comedy.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. They're just going for it.

[Chris Ryan]

It.

[Bill Simmons]

What stage? The best rest areas being the bath houses of the 90s. That joke is just as funny as it was in 1998. I don't know how you even come up with that into that. Also from a. What stage? The best standpoint, just stopping at a rest area. You got like 10 years out of mileage of. Yeah, yeah. Rest area. Go up there. The musicians popping in. Which we did not mention yet. Jonathan Richmond.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't believe this worked, but I really think it worked.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Thought it was a really funny distinct

[Chris Ryan]

part of the movie, it's such an unlikely choice. Obviously a New Englander. Right. So the Farrelly is very New England filmmakers and. But I can't, for whatever reason picture Peter Farrelly rocking.

[Sierra Marquina]

This is just like an amazing like Jonathan Richmond commitment to a bit. Because if that doesn't work, you're like, what the fuck? But like that kind of speaks to one of the things I have for what's aged the best is the regional specificity of it. The Rhode Island, Boston.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he's got a Providence Bruins poster.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

And the Miami stuff is just like they find a lot of humor in those places. And I think one thing that's really been lost in more modern movies is like, you know, the drama is set in Boston, but it might as well be set in Copenhagen. Like it doesn't really feel like Boston.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a great point. We've talked about this with other movies. Like we were just better in the 80s and 90s going into locations.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, I feel like they just shoot in a couple of places in the country and then they're like, yeah, this will stand in for this. Or it'll just be any city and you can get a lot of jokes. I mean just having Lenny Clark in this movie, you know, is like a very knowing wink to the New England.

[Bill Simmons]

And Steve Sweeney, don't forget about him. You have any what stage the best? Because I had a couple more.

[Chris Ryan]

I just think most comedies age really badly and this one, I think it's still really, really funny. It actually makes me laugh out loud.

[Bill Simmons]

So I have a few because this is a big movie for me and my wife Magda jokes about anyone you know in your life who got way too much sun, like, ugh. Veering a little toward the Magda side. Magda's just become a 28 year over suntan joke. Markie Post. I'm just so glad she's in this movie. Just an absolute 80s icon and a legend and was trying to think her. Her NBA example like kind of like the Dominique Wilkins of the 80s didn't get her just do because everyone's talking about that Heather Thomas, Heather Locklear, some of the other greats.

[Chris Ryan]

A little bit. Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

Markipo, everyone loved Marky Post. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

But Dominic, what's on the resume for Marky Post?

[Sierra Marquina]

Night Court.

[Bill Simmons]

Night Court.

[Chris Ryan]

Right. Night Court.

[Bill Simmons]

Like that's some killer posters. Yeah. Couple good TV movies.

[Chris Ryan]

She win any dunk contests? Where is she on the all time scoring list?

[Sierra Marquina]

She would go she head to head with Larry Bird.

[Bill Simmons]

So maybe she's more like a Terence Stansberry. I don't know.

[Chris Ryan]

That's nice. Yeah, that's good.

[Sierra Marquina]

I was like that.

[Chris Ryan]

Don't get me wrong, I think she's great.

[Bill Simmons]

She had an unbelievable Cheers episode when she came in as Diane Chambers, best friend from college, and hit on Sam Malone. And it might be the single best Cheers episode. And Diane finally flips out. Cause they're flirting with each other the whole episode.

[Sierra Marquina]

She apparently was like pretty scandalized by this movie and was like really nervous to do it, but then was very happy she did.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I'm glad she's in it.

[Chris Ryan]

She's one of the only people that really, really, truly pulled off 80s hair. Because she had some real 80s hair.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, for sure.

[Chris Ryan]

And it were.

[Bill Simmons]

You have to have basically the same haircut as Patrick Swayze and Youngblood.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Flogging the dolphin for a big date.

[Chris Ryan]

That's aged well.

[Bill Simmons]

That's just a running joke now. Flogged it off.

[Sierra Marquina]

Say that to Ben.

[Chris Ryan]

Go down.

[Bill Simmons]

Pat Healy teeth. Another running joke. Whoa. Some big choppers.

[Chris Ryan]

They're more common than ever.

[Bill Simmons]

The, the lie that becomes a way bigger cover up lie I think has aged the best for me. But we grew up with this with 70s sitcoms and now I don't feel like we do it anymore. This was like the staple of half of the comedy for 20 years.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. I also, I feel like in my life after this movie came out, like if a guy ever came home and was just like, but you know, she lives with her sister or something like that, people would be like, first chick in the armor, dad.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. What about Brett Favreau when Stiller says that at the end? The Brett Favre thing, I think kind of came with him for five, six years. Then people forgot. I like that they have young Cameron Diaz and young Ben Stiller with the wig and braces and like. And it actually works. And they look younger sometimes when comedies do this, it looks ridiculous.

[Sierra Marquina]

There's also something very sweet about opening with that. Aside from the franks and franks and beans thing and like Ted's, you know, inciting incident is to have that like idea of him as a character as a kid and be like, oh, this is like this sweet teenage love story. And not just this deranged middle aged man who's like, time for me to stalk my high school girlfriend.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the key is that he still wants to see her even though she's. He's being told she's a deuce and a half. That's right, Tucker. Calling sex a good Rogering. I'd never heard it before since, but it always makes me laugh.

[Sierra Marquina]

British slang.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe we'll give you a good rogering.

[Chris Ryan]

Is there a rogering gag in Austin Power Hours?

[Bill Simmons]

I've never heard the phrase rogering. Mary's theory that we need more meat on sticks does make. Make you wonder why we don't. Can we talk about just a corn dog?

[Chris Ryan]

Let's talk it out.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't think I've ever seen you eat meat on a stick.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, what's the other one? They have like a long.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, it's like kebabs, but.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, the.

[Sierra Marquina]

We're talking about fried ones.

[Bill Simmons]

Teriyaki beef and appetizers.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I always like having the stick.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

What do you think there should be more corn dog style? Like, should there be like a. Like a steak dog of some kind?

[Sierra Marquina]

No, I mean, I just. I was just more surprised that this is something that's aged the best for Bill because I don't often see him indulging in corn dogs.

[Bill Simmons]

I think the theory age great for me because I do like corn dogs. They have one in Santa Monica Pier that my wife has stocked. My wife loves hot dogs, as you know. But they have a.

[Chris Ryan]

As you know.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I've discussed before, she's a big hot dog. Hot dog fan.

[Sierra Marquina]

You must have missed that sub stack.

[Chris Ryan]

I know a lot about your wife.

[Bill Simmons]

Does your daughter eat hot dogs? She loves.

[Chris Ryan]

Loves hot dogs.

[Bill Simmons]

Because the best part about hot dogs is when you have little kids, you get to relive the hot dog experience through the kids. You get hot dogs back, you get Mac and cheese back. Get all this. You're gonna find out someday. You get all this food, you little mini chicken nuggets.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. One day things you just stop getting.

[Chris Ryan]

I will say it is okay for

[Craig Robeck]

you to have my college diet, even

[Chris Ryan]

though you don't have a child. But what you're saying is true that like they're like a weekly occurrence.

[Bill Simmons]

People don't go out of their way to have hot dogs unless they're at a baseball game.

[Sierra Marquina]

You know what? My wife and I, I think it was like during or right after Covid. We'd have like bar like cookout nights. But it would just be the two of us. And I would. We would make hot dogs and I'd be like. It just doesn't hit the same when you're not with a communal situation. If you're like, we're making hot dogs as our dinner, it feels a little beaten down.

[Chris Ryan]

It's just. It goes quick, you know? It's not a luxurious meal.

[Bill Simmons]

When we went to the Giants game a couple weeks ago, I couldn't decide whether I wanted a kielbasa or a hot dog. Got em both double fisted.

[Chris Ryan]

No kidding.

[Sierra Marquina]

Many people have told me that we really fucked up by not getting the crab sandwich.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh really? Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

I was so close.

[Sierra Marquina]

I wasn't gonna do it.

[Bill Simmons]

God damn that.

[Sierra Marquina]

Like that.

[Craig Robeck]

Just the lady next to me was

[Chris Ryan]

like, you don't want this to break bad.

[Sierra Marquina]

Baseball stadium, crab. I don't care if we're having it.

[Chris Ryan]

It's on the bay though.

[Craig Robeck]

We're on the bay. Come on.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, sure. Lots of stuff happens on the bay.

[Chris Ryan]

Great ballpark though, right?

[Sierra Marquina]

Awesome.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

My last what stage, the best is when Pat Healy is pretending he built the soccer stadium and Norm says, you built the Estadio Olympico. And he goes, no, just down the street, the Salent Caliente Towers.

[Sierra Marquina]

Okay, I have one more. Which was when. When he goes to. When Ted goes to see Wogie Dom at his law office and Chris Elliott's got the poster up that says bus crash, 12 kids killed. What does that cost us?

[Chris Ryan]

On the whiteboard during their meeting, like insurance adjusters meeting.

[Sierra Marquina]

We didn't talk about Chris Elliott. You yet.

[Bill Simmons]

We have a couple spots. You want to do it now?

[Sierra Marquina]

I just think that like there's, there's the Lee Evans, like there's the Tucker character. And then I, I found Chris Evans to be hysterical this time around. I don't know. Chris Elliot. Chris Elliott. Sorry. Chris Elliott, yeah. Was. Was hysterical this time around.

[Bill Simmons]

It's funny cuz I was a letter early Letterman guy and he was a writer and they started using him on the show. It was the first time. So initially he was the guy underneath the stairs and he would come out, he'd like pop up and it was like this running bit. He would interrupt the show as the psycho who lived in the stairs. And then he did the Fugitive guy, which was basically every episode would end the Fugitive, but it would be three minutes. But then everything peaked. When he was Marv Albert, he would come out and do the Albert Achievement Awards in this Marv Albert wig. And I just would have bought all this. I had all the Chris Elliott stock in like 1986. I was like, this guy is gonna transform comedy as we know it. And this I think was his biggest movie.

[Craig Robeck]

I think.

[Chris Ryan]

And this is after Get a Life and after Cabin Boy, right? Like, yeah, like it kind of. It had, it happened and it didn't hit.

[Bill Simmons]

He had a bad SNL run. He had like a Year in SNL that didn't really work.

[Chris Ryan]

So this is kind of. After all of that. And he's still. It's such a fearless performance because Woogie is so gross.

[Sierra Marquina]

All the hives and stuff.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, he tried to do. Marlon Brando was another running character. He tried to unlimit, too, but he was. Just kept you on your toes. Matt Damon and Euro Trip award for most unexpected a Lister cameo. Brett Favreau. Great shot. Gorner Award. What do you got? Cr?

[Sierra Marquina]

You know, what, do we just go for the ball shot?

[Chris Ryan]

It was my. The first one I wrote down.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, the Frankie. I think it's just the most confrontational piece of cinema I've ever seen.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, it's like. Yeah, it's like several moments in Cruising. Right.

[Sierra Marquina]

A torsioned testicle.

[Bill Simmons]

I have a better answer.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay. Better.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think how they hide the giant waddicum on Ted's left ear for 12 seconds until she's like, what's that on your ear? And he turns. If you actually watch it, they do a really good job of. You only see him from this side. You never see the left ear. And so they really spring it on you. And I think it's impressive.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

A lot of leering shots of Cameron Diaz through binoculars in this movie as well. I don't know if you guys picked up on that.

[Bill Simmons]

I like when he got the bigger binoculars, then sees Magda, but it's like, it's not. His binoculars weren't good enough. He needs, like, the. Whatever. Chess Rockwell, Brock Leonard's award for best character named Magda.

[Sierra Marquina]

I had Dom Woege Woganowski.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that's good. All right. Kid Cudi Pursuit Happiness Award. Best needle drop.

[Sierra Marquina]

You love this soundtrack, don't you?

[Bill Simmons]

I really like Mary's Prayer by. By Danny Wilson.

[Sierra Marquina]

I have Every Day Should Be a Holiday by Dandy Warhols.

[Bill Simmons]

Guys, this is.

[Chris Ryan]

Build Me a Buttercup, please.

[Bill Simmons]

Buttercup's the answer. The ending. Okay, CR. You have a flex category.

[Sierra Marquina]

Brandy Booth award for the best performance by a pet goes to Puffy. Absolutely amazing dog performance. You know, I don't know how often they were using a dog puppet or dog zombie. You know, like.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, zombie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Not zombie.

[Bill Simmons]

You think you want to get a dog this movie?

[Sierra Marquina]

No.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Sierra Marquina]

No. But I like to observe from a distance, and it seems fun. And it's just one of the. One of the funniest dog characters I can think of.

[Bill Simmons]

It's the right answer. Doorfler's Door award for. How much did that hurt? The Frank's getting the Beans. Getting over the frank and the zipper.

[Sierra Marquina]

Ever had a friend who had some sort of, like, injury down there?

[Bill Simmons]

Honestly, no.

[Chris Ryan]

I've been thinking about this recently.

[Bill Simmons]

I think it would have been the most important thing that ever happened to any of my friends if that happened.

[Chris Ryan]

You were saying about how when you have young kids that Mac and cheese and hot dogs come back into your life. The other thing that comes back in your life when you have little kids is accidental nutshots, which, like, I just.

[Bill Simmons]

Or sometimes they're not accidental.

[Sierra Marquina]

They don't seem bad accidentally.

[Chris Ryan]

I have a daughter, not a son, so I'm fortunate to not get the purposeful ones.

[Bill Simmons]

Ben had six months where he was just like, this is the one area I know I could hurt him.

[Sierra Marquina]

This is the funniest thing in the world.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm just. And they're, like the same height. They're like.

[Chris Ryan]

And that's like. That's the true human, the true male frailty.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

You get. You. You surprisingly get hit in the nuts and you're like, I. Perhaps I should just die now. Like, there's no recourse from that. So just pump that up.

[Sierra Marquina]

This is just such a great, like, depiction of everybody in the. In the 90s and the 80s. I'm sure, like, had the story about the kid in the other town over who hadn't pooped all summer. You know, like, it was just like the kid at prom who zipped his balls up and had to be taken away by an ambulance. It's just so. It's so resonant.

[Chris Ryan]

That's actually what that movie I told you about, Oops, I pooped my pants and killed my daughter's boyfriend. That's what that's about. It's about that kid.

[Sierra Marquina]

I almost said that guy's name on the rewatchables.

[Chris Ryan]

There was a real guy skipped it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, just say it. Just. What's going to happen? Is he alive? He is. He didn't die from that.

[Sierra Marquina]

No. But he had to go to the hospital.

[Chris Ryan]

He did?

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

What'd they do?

[Bill Simmons]

We forgot to talk about how funny it was when they do the 1, 2. And then it cuts the. We got a bleeder.

[Chris Ryan]

It's a great cut.

[Bill Simmons]

You don't have a zipper story, do you, Craig?

[Craig Robeck]

I don't. Fortunately, I don't.

[Bill Simmons]

You come up with one later.

[Craig Robeck]

So far, so good.

[Bill Simmons]

I had a. I'm throwing in here. It's a book about medals award for belatedly best quoter exchange. I took a job with Bryce A Roni isn't that the San Francisco treat. It was. It was. Kills me for some reason. He's like, no, no, it's over. It's not the San Francisco treat. I really enjoy that. And then the Billy Bats Jack Waltz Award for most biting and scalable insult. Come on, cough it up, chompers. Pat Hilly won't pay his check right away.

[Chris Ryan]

I love this one. Isn't directly to someone's face, but when Pat and Ted are talking and he goes, who? Roller pig? Are you nuts? And Ted says, you said she was a real spark plug. No, I said butt plug. She's heinous.

[Sierra Marquina]

You can't forget. It's a sumo culture. Dead. They pay by the pound over there. Sort of like tuna. My favorite Billy Batts is actually far being like, I'm in town to play the dolphins, you dumbass.

[Bill Simmons]

Butch's girlfriend or winklink in the film.

[Sierra Marquina]

I got this one.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you got?

[Sierra Marquina]

Theatrical cut. Sully, the Jeffrey Tambor part.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, so.

[Sierra Marquina]

And this is also because after you've watched, like, Ursa Development, you're like, jeffrey Tambor's in this movie. It must be like a really significant. In the extended cut, he has an entire plot line about him falling off the wagon and being eaten by a python. But in this theatrical cut, you're just like, why is he in this movie? And what was this whole. What was the point of this?

[Chris Ryan]

Which one did you watch to prepare for this?

[Sierra Marquina]

I watched the theater theatrical and then went to the. Just the Jeffrey Tambor scenes or the extended cut.

[Bill Simmons]

It's tough to cut Jeffrey Tambor, but I don't think this movie needed more stuff in it. No.

[Chris Ryan]

He's very funny when he picks Pat up from the airport as well.

[Bill Simmons]

What did you have for weak link?

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, there's not really, like, a person who is.

[Craig Robeck]

Now, what do you think of.

[Bill Simmons]

I have a strong.

[Sierra Marquina]

What do you think of Tucker?

[Chris Ryan]

I like Lee Evans. You're about to go in on Lee Evans.

[Sierra Marquina]

That's here.

[Bill Simmons]

I have Tucker.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, no.

[Bill Simmons]

It's a nitpick as well. I just don't understand Tucker's plan.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, okay, but that.

[Sierra Marquina]

To me, it's a wiggling Tucker's plan.

[Chris Ryan]

I have that in the cat in

[Bill Simmons]

a category, so that's an advantage. He meets Mary. He falls for her. He pays somebody to break his bat with a baseball bat. So then she could treat him as an orthopedic surgeon. Pretends he's an English guy with a cane who's. Who's basically crippled now from this injury. But he's also Delivering pizza on the side. And he thinks this is going to land Mary. But what happens when he actually lands Mary? Like, he is the worst plan of anyone.

[Sierra Marquina]

Mary is an orthopedic surgeon. Wouldn't she look at new X rays of his back and be like, your back has been healed?

[Bill Simmons]

Because clearly all of it falls apart. I don't understand really any part of it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

What he's up to. But it's only one of the things you notice after watching this movie 12

[Sierra Marquina]

times and taking it seriously when it's not meant to be.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. I just felt like Tucker could have maybe three more hours in the spitball session on Tucker. Maybe Tucker got injured on a motorcycle, Mary treated him and then he beat. Yeah, there's something better version.

[Craig Robeck]

I don't disagree. I think he's a little bit turned up. I know the movie's ridiculous, but, Sean, what you were saying earlier about how Matt Dillon's character's taking it seriously. Chris Elliot. I feel like he's taking it seriously. I do feel like Tucker is the only character where I'm like, this actually does break the world a little bit. He is doing something bigger than the rest of the characters in the movie. It's a little more slapstick and screwball than anyone else.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I also had him for the Ruffalo handed Rubenick Partridge over acting award.

[Chris Ryan]

I was concerned.

[Bill Simmons]

He really dials it up one of the times.

[Chris Ryan]

It's weird what happened with him because he was the star of Mouse Hunt. Remember the movie mouse hunt in 1987? Did you ever see that movie? And then there's something about Mary. And then he's in the Ladies man. He was in the Fifth Element. He was in a bunch of stuff in the late 90s. He was a big stand up comic in England and then basically never acted in movies again. He's only in a few more movies. Yes, the world agreed with you.

[Sierra Marquina]

Wait, what was your weakest link? You just didn't really have one.

[Chris Ryan]

There's not really an actor in this that I think is bad. In fact, I think it's like overstuffed with way overqualified actors.

[Craig Robeck]

You guys all like the musical interstitials?

[Bill Simmons]

I personally do, but I'm used to them. I can see why. I do think it's one of the

[Sierra Marquina]

only signals also that there's another,

[Chris Ryan]

I

[Sierra Marquina]

don't want to say consciousness. Like there's another POV on the story of the movie that's like kind of like tongue in cheek. You know what I mean? It makes it like a Fable. It's like a fairy tale.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

You're just not a Jonathan Richman guy, apparently.

[Craig Robeck]

It's okay. I feel like that's such an easy, like four minutes that you could take out of the movie. And I don't think she's always thinking about length. Well, it's not even that. I just like those are the moments in the movie where I kind of like, okay, I guess I'll check my phone until they're done singing.

[Sierra Marquina]

You don't find it funny when this sniper.

[Craig Robeck]

That was funny.

[Sierra Marquina]

Sure.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah. The gag at the end, maybe it's all worth it for that. But I did feel that. I felt like that was a little bit the second time in. You're like, okay, I kind of get this.

[Bill Simmons]

Craig, I forgot to ask you what the Horlbeck scale was for this.

[Craig Robeck]

It's two hour movie, 119 minutes.

[Bill Simmons]

So we're plus 19.

[Craig Robeck]

I do think you could probably shave five to 10 minutes of this movie. And it's maybe.

[Sierra Marquina]

So what would you take out besides Jonathan Richmond?

[Craig Robeck]

I think I would.

[Bill Simmons]

You're probably gonna hate religious.

[Craig Robeck]

I would probably. I don't think you need the hitchhiker scene. And then I think you could get rid of the musical stuff and it's probably like an hour 40.

[Sierra Marquina]

No, the hitchhiker scene is. How could you not have the hitchhiker scene?

[Craig Robeck]

It doesn't have anything to do with the movie. It's good.

[Bill Simmons]

Listen, he's just horrorbecking it up. Can I give you this on the Jonathan Richman?

[Craig Robeck]

Uh huh. Is that the musician?

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

The music stuff, it walks. So the Dan band could then run fair with the Hangover. And what was the other movie they were in?

[Craig Robeck]

They're in a bunch of stuff.

[Bill Simmons]

They were in two big ones though. Oh, forgetting Sarah Marshall? No, no. I mean, no. Wedding Crashers.

[Craig Robeck]

Wedding Crashers. They're in.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

Okay. It's worth it. If I get the Dan band.

[Chris Ryan]

I think it's a great choice. The Jonathan Richmond stuff, It feels very 90s. It does.

[Sierra Marquina]

Cutting the hitchhiker and then the subsequent interrogation scene is non negotiable.

[Craig Robeck]

We do get the kindergarten cop guy.

[Sierra Marquina]

Speaking of which, I like Leo DiCaprio. Buffalo Hannah Rubyk is Richard Tyson, the sweating detective.

[Bill Simmons]

Just tough. He's going really well on the rewatchables for Richard.

[Craig Robeck]

What do you mean? He crushed it in this movie.

[Bill Simmons]

We're gonna take one more break and then do what's a worst. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn ads. Ever invest in something that seemed Incredible at first, but didn't live up to the hype. Well, marketers know the feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great. Impressions Reach reacts. But when they don't show revenue, well, that's not such a great conversation with the CFO. LinkedIn has a word for that. Bull spend. Instead, why not invest in what looks good to your CFO? LinkedIn Ads generates the highest roas of all major ad networks. Reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads you can target by company, industry, job title and more. So cut the bull spend. Advertise on LinkedIn, the network that works for you. Spend $250 in your first campaign on LinkedIn ads. Get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to LinkedIn.com rewatchables. Terms and conditions apply. This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Hey, you could be earning 2% daily cash back in that purchase and that one and even that one. That's because Apple card users earn 2% daily cash back on every purchase, including everyday items they buy online or in store when using their Apple Card. With Apple Pay, not an Apple Card customer, you can apply in the Wallet app on iPhone subject to credit approval. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs bank usa Salt Lake City branch terms and more at Apple Co benefits. All right, what's age the worst? Brett Favreau. Yeah, it's a great casting in 1998. That's kind of weird to see him. Yeah, it's tough, tough times for Brett. Also quarterback the Jets. And then Warren. Warren. I think even the fairlies are like, yeah, we probably fucked that up. We should have cast somebody who was special needs. That's not how they thought in the 90s. Peter said, I wouldn't do that today. I would hire an actor with intellectual disabilities. They're all over the place at that time. They weren't didn't get the opportunities. I guess I don't have any other woods Asia wears.

[Sierra Marquina]

I didn't really have. I mean, once you go in on the premise of this film.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's a comedy. Sean, you have flex category. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Usually this category is reserved for thrillers and horror films, but when would I have died? Is not the zipper. It's not when my date's father would have come into the room. It's when the police officer would come through the window. That's when I would have died from zipping my johnson up in my zipper.

[Bill Simmons]

Police officer would have intimidated you?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I think that would have just

[Bill Simmons]

would have bled to death.

[Chris Ryan]

Scared stiff. Yeah, yeah. That's what I would have died.

[Bill Simmons]

I like it. The CR Thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford. Hottest take award. What do you got, CR Is Ted

[Sierra Marquina]

the most deranged of all these guys? Is Ted sitting around? Well, I, you know, obviously I would rank Tucker first.

[Bill Simmons]

I think Tucker, that's why it's our take.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's not the, like, here's the. Here's the mid speed take.

[Chris Ryan]

Ted's lies are just kind of harmless.

[Bill Simmons]

Does Ted have a job?

[Sierra Marquina]

He's a magazine writer.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Magazine writer.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

I'm curious what kind of pieces he writes. It's funny when he could work ever is. Like you could just work from anywhere.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Searing explorations of fascism in the New Yorker.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. He's just like, God, I'm really obsessed with this girl.

[Bill Simmons]

So what's the case for Ted being most.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, I mean, hanging on to that obsession for so long that you're still in therapy about it.

[Bill Simmons]

You horrified her entire family.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

In the course of 15 minutes.

[Sierra Marquina]

Like, it's not really. I understand why the severity of your injury made you go retreat within yourself. But like, you have plenty of opportunities probably to reach out. You stalk her. You use a private investigator to go after her. That private investigator winds up lying to you about his results, but then you still pursue her all the way down. I 95 nearly get arrested for murder and yeah, obviously learn some lessons. But I think that there's something about the lengths of what he goes to that suggests he might be the craziest one of the three.

[Bill Simmons]

Solid take. What do you got?

[Chris Ryan]

Ben Stiller is the greatest cuck actor of all time.

[Bill Simmons]

Wow. Who is this competition?

[Chris Ryan]

If you need a cuck, if you need a guy, if you need a bitch boy.

[Bill Simmons]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

If you need somebody who is like,

[Bill Simmons]

he makes the most sense.

[Chris Ryan]

Not only does he make the most sense, but there actually is not a second choice. There's not a comic actor who you

[Sierra Marquina]

could be like, I'm gonna humiliate him.

[Chris Ryan]

The whole premise of the movie is this guy is a loser and will lose all the way until the end and then I'll get the girl. But that's the premise of like nine $100 million Ben Stiller movies.

[Bill Simmons]

Really good. So mine is also a casting. What if the Farrelly brothers wanted to cast Drew Bledsoe as. As the Brett Favre character and he passed because he had just had this mosh club incident, which was a big deal. Who was living in Boston?

[Sierra Marquina]

What was the concert?

[Bill Simmons]

They were. I forget what. Who. Who was playing, but it was.

[Sierra Marquina]

It wasn't Everclear, was it? I think it might have been.

[Bill Simmons]

It might have been Everclear. It was. I think it was in Providence.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe it was in BA. I don't remember what city was in,

[Sierra Marquina]

but it was Everclear.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. The Pats.

[Sierra Marquina]

That's knowledge right there.

[Bill Simmons]

Him and a couple offensive linemen, and it was just bad. And it became a huge deal. And, like, the pay. This was. Pete Carroll was the coach. This. This. The inmates are running the asylum kind of stuff. And right around then, he got. And he was like, I better not do it. My hottest take is. I think this is the most underrated thing that ever happened to Patriot fans, because if he takes this movie and it makes $380 million and he becomes a little bit cooler, that confidence then goes on the field, and I don't know if Tom Brady ever happens.

[Sierra Marquina]

Do you think that this. Does he still do the Everclear concert in this version of his.

[Bill Simmons]

He'd already done it. That's why. Yeah. Do you think he does.

[Sierra Marquina]

Anyway, he thinks this movie redeems himself somehow.

[Bill Simmons]

Redeems himself? Star becomes. He goes. Jerry Maguire in this. He's got his mojo back. Tom Brady's right there. He's like, you know what? I was in there. Something about Mary made $350 million. I'm not. You're. I'm not afraid of you.

[Craig Robeck]

He's dating Cameron Diaz.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Maybe he doesn't run out of bounds. He just runs out of bounds instead. Taking the hit from Mo Lewis because he's not, like, insecure. He's just out.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. In this version of events, it's like Cameron Diaz dates Drew Bledsoe and then Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and then, like.

[Bill Simmons]

And then we don't get six Super Bowls.

[Chris Ryan]

But have you considered that that level of confidence in Drew Bledsoe could have led to Super Bowls from Drew Bledsoe?

[Bill Simmons]

Like, it's very possible. I'm just saying it's an alternate universe for the Pats fans. Would you rather take.

[Chris Ryan]

You'd rather have Tom knowing what we

[Bill Simmons]

know about six Super Bowls? And I'm fine with Brett Favre being in this movie.

[Chris Ryan]

What about six Super Bowls from Drew and then not Tom, you know, not choosing a rooting interest in the Super Bowl? You know, some of the Deflategate stuff.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think he could have won the six.

[Chris Ryan]

Bringing in his health consultant Alex Guerra, getting cucked by Gisele Bundchen. Like, all these things that happened.

[Craig Robeck]

You know that video where he kissed on the lips. That was a tough one.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I kissed this on lips. On the lips.

[Bill Simmons]

You don't get that Tom Brady rose.

[Chris Ryan]

What else happened to Tom Brady? Some other stuff.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm sorry I brought this up.

[Sierra Marquina]

You're maybe not the warmest room to do it in. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Casting what ifs. Owen Wilson and Jon Stewart were the other two candidates for Ted. Bill Murray was considered for Pat Haley. But the fairliest thought he was too old. Vince Vaughn. Cuba Gooding Jr. Also considered for Pat Haley. I think Vince Vaughn could have done this.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think he could have.

[Bill Simmons]

But I think I'm glad we ended up with a.

[Sierra Marquina]

There's an element of Vince Vaughn that I think also would have been like a little mug into the camera. Like.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Is he too tall? He was going to be Ted.

[Bill Simmons]

Vince Vaughn. No. Over Pat Healy.

[Chris Ryan]

He could have done Pat.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think he could have done Pat. And then they also offered the Mary part, the Brett Favre part to Steve Young, but he turned it down due to the film's coarse nature because he.

[Sierra Marquina]

He said the Mormons would all come out and see it and that they would. They would reject him.

[Chris Ryan]

Where do you stand on Steve Young?

[Sierra Marquina]

Always admired that. He knew when to hang him up.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. The weirdest what if.

[Sierra Marquina]

That's why this is my last pod.

[Bill Simmons]

I did not know this one. Chris Farley turned down Warren.

[Sierra Marquina]

This would have been a real.

[Bill Simmons]

And they couldn't insured him anyway. He did dirty work and then he died as they were making the movie. So probably a good miss by all parties.

[Sierra Marquina]

But I think that that would have been really distracting.

[Bill Simmons]

I think that that ruins the movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

I think it would have been seen as more. It would have aged worse.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yes.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Best that Guy award. Not eligible. Lenny Clark and Steve Sweeney. Richard Tyson Williams. Because I'm making them. Not eligible.

[Chris Ryan]

Richard Tyson is not eligible.

[Bill Simmons]

We just covered him two weeks ago. He was crisp. People know Richard Tyson.

[Sierra Marquina]

Is that okay?

[Chris Ryan]

Right?

[Craig Robeck]

Do I think people know his name is Richard Tyson?

[Bill Simmons]

No, they probably don't.

[Sierra Marquina]

Fine.

[Bill Simmons]

He's eligible.

[Craig Robeck]

I don't.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you know who played Magda?

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. Lynn Shea.

[Bill Simmons]

Lynn Shea.

[Chris Ryan]

Bob Harsh sister. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

We also have Sanford from Sex and the City. AKA Willie Garson's.

[Chris Ryan]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Wearing the long wig with, like big zits on it.

[Sierra Marquina]

That's who I have. Head.

[Craig Robeck]

That's a good one.

[Chris Ryan]

I've got him on the list.

[Bill Simmons]

The winner is W. Earl Brown as Warren.

[Chris Ryan]

He's up there. Deadwood fans rejoice.

[Sierra Marquina]

The master.

[Bill Simmons]

He was Kenny the cameraman in Scream. He was In Deadwood, he was in the master, and he apparently had three

[Sierra Marquina]

years in NYPD Blue, Joaquin, and him getting the fight in the master.

[Bill Simmons]

Right?

[Chris Ryan]

That's right. Real ones would go, I think Rob Moran, who is in Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin. And there's something about Mary, he's the bartender. And Dumb and Dumber, he's one of the bad guys. Stanley Osmansky in Kingpin, and he's clearly a Farrelly Brothers extended player. He's in the troupe, and he pops up in a bunch of their movies. He's in Shallow House, Me, Myself and Irene. He's the other cop. He's.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that guy.

[Chris Ryan]

He's Tyson's partner.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, that's a good. That guy.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay. Dion Waiters. Our nominees include Avery Brooks, Richard Jenkins, Jeffrey Tambor, Magda, Harlan Williams, Chris Elliott, Brett Favre. We don't see Mongo, but I think he's in here anyway.

[Chris Ryan]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

And then Jonathan Richmond. What do you got?

[Sierra Marquina]

Cr. I think it's Jenkins.

[Chris Ryan]

I don't. Did you say Keith David?

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I didn't. I don't know why he's Keith David. I said Avery Brooks and I meant Keith. I just got Avery Brooks and Keith David confused. We did a whole podcast.

[Sierra Marquina]

Avery Brooks. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Keith David.

[Chris Ryan]

Keith David.

[Bill Simmons]

We did a whole segment before about how those guys, you could have swapped them in different ways.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think there will be a contingent of listeners who think it's Harlan Williams.

[Bill Simmons]

I would go for.

[Sierra Marquina]

They're the same people who don't think Richard Tyson is a. That guy.

[Bill Simmons]

You know, I think my answer. Harlan Williams is pretty good.

[Chris Ryan]

You know, that old children's tale from the Sea.

[Bill Simmons]

Who'd you pick?

[Sierra Marquina]

Keith David.

[Chris Ryan]

Keith David.

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's Keith David.

[Sierra Marquina]

Okay, I'll now put it.

[Bill Simmons]

Just called him Avery Brooks. Recasting couch director, City. Can I Test drive Norm MacDonald as Tucker for you guys?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Doing the British accent.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe we get rid of the British accent for Norm. But he's just doing Tucker, pretending he hurt his back, but now he's delivering pizzas. Who's on?

[Chris Ryan]

Norm as Pat.

[Bill Simmons]

Norm as Pat could have worked, too. I just feel like Norm MacDonald could have been in this movie. Could he have been the Richard Tyson?

[Sierra Marquina]

Could he have been Woegie?

[Bill Simmons]

Could have been Woegie. Like, I just felt like we needed him in this somewhere.

[Chris Ryan]

He's busy making dirty work.

[Bill Simmons]

I get it.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, Norm fits in perfectly with this movie.

[Bill Simmons]

If Norm is Tucker, this movie, I think is better.

[Chris Ryan]

Can I make a suggestion in this category? I want to Recast the genre because I think you can remake the movie exactly the same, but as a lurid thriller.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, my God. It would be such a great From Hell.

[Bill Simmons]

From Hell movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Yes, but it's like, like, it's like five stalkers from hell that are all going after.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's basically like a Shannon, like, opening up her heart and getting it, like. And then finding out the guy is a complete lie.

[Chris Ryan]

Exactly.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like black stars might be making this right now.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like Power Season seven or mgm.

[Sierra Marquina]

MGM plus.

[Bill Simmons]

You mean MGM plus.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah, I mean the Chris Elliott turn is legitimately chilling in this movie.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like Pacific Heights.

[Craig Robeck]

Two minutes where it's very kind of scary.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, yeah. Well, when he's got, like, his face is full of boils.

[Craig Robeck]

He's, like, twitching. He's got the eye boil.

[Sierra Marquina]

He's got her shoes. Yeah, yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

The shoe thing really deflates it. They very smartly pivoted to having it not because you obviously think it's going to be like him doing something physical to her and he's just smelling her shoes.

[Chris Ryan]

Stole all my shoes.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Craig, you have a flex category.

[Craig Robeck]

I'm going to wear. Put on my van hat and I'm going to do a. A top five list. Top five most shocking and hilarious male nudity in a major comedy. Okay. The zipper scene in there's something about Mary. The ball sack on the drum set in Stepbrothers.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

Jason Siegel, full nude surprise. And forgetting Sarah Marshall. The Borat naked hotel fight.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

And Ken Jeong naked crowbar scene in the Hangover.

[Chris Ryan]

So those are all comedies.

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah, that's the category.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, it was just comedies.

[Craig Robeck]

Yes.

[Sierra Marquina]

Funniest. Nate. Nudity.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

Most shocking and hilarious male nudity.

[Sierra Marquina]

Adam Teddy. Comedy is funnier.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, to live and die in LA when Peterson is just, like, letting it go. I laughed.

[Craig Robeck]

The other contenders, MC Ganey and Sideways.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Bill Simmons]

That's a really good one.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

We could see him running and then

[Craig Robeck]

the giant devil penis and this is the end. But I don't know if he counts as a male. I delicately investigated.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Hey, Claude.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

You'd be surprised. There are Reddit threads about.

[Sierra Marquina]

This is the first time you talk to Claude, just like, hey, was the search been curious about AI comedies.

[Bill Simmons]

Male nude scene penis.

[Craig Robeck]

I really made the point. I made sure that Google knew, like, humorous male nudity scenes that are jokes. Funny male nudity scenes.

[Chris Ryan]

Let's get your search history up on the screen right now. Can we get that?

[Craig Robeck]

I Got nothing to hide. I stand by this top five.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's just Makai Lemon team.

[Bill Simmons]

Can I give you the answer? Okay, first of all, great category.

[Craig Robeck]

It's not on this list. The answer.

[Bill Simmons]

No, the answer is Borat. That's the fucking funniest. The hotel fights Borat ever with the fucking Azomat. Like, that's it. That's the peak of everything.

[Chris Ryan]

Another movie that had the same kind of energy.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, Borat in the theater is the same thing.

[Bill Simmons]

Half ass Internet research. The scene when Ted gets his scrotum stuck in his pants was inspired by a real incident. Farrelly brothers. Their sister was listening to records and one of the kids went to the bathroom. Friends with their sister and had that happen. Not the same thing, but some of it. But when Ted falls off the stretcher. Not scripted. They kept it in. It was a mistake. Ben Stiller fell off the waterfront.

[Sierra Marquina]

I see him grab his arm. Kind of like realistically.

[Bill Simmons]

The waterfront house where Mary lived in Miami was destroyed in 2008 by a construction accident. It's gone. High school scene in the beginning was shot at Plantation City hall in Florida. They saw a rough cut. They thought it was too raunchy. And they requested do not be acknowledged in the credits. When you offend Florida, you've really pulled something off. And then we mentioned the Tambor scene. And then. And then the Diaz worried that the gel scene was gonna gross people out, so they shot two versions.

[Sierra Marquina]

There's also like a. Like a pretty pointless but like, I guess, you know, it's like. If you're curious, there's one of the extended cutscenes is about like, Ted's family. And it's like, oh, Ted's brother. And like donating kidneys to the brother. There's like, they build it up a little bit more about what he's been

[Bill Simmons]

doing in between Apex Mountain. Stiller. No, we're not there yet. Okay.

[Chris Ryan]

I don't have Stiller.

[Bill Simmons]

Diaz. I think. Yes. I think she comes out of this.

[Sierra Marquina]

Is this her biggest movie?

[Bill Simmons]

Because it's My Best Friend's Wedding the year before, then this. And I feel like she has the juice now. That leads to Charlie's angels. She gets 20 million for Charlie's Angels too, I think.

[Chris Ryan]

Are we sure it's not Charlie's Angels?

[Bill Simmons]

Might be, but I feel like she was the Icarus. She kind of takes Julia Roberts ironically. Like, probably her title here. Right. She could have done whatever she wanted after this movie. Yeah, it's weird. She's like two rom coms late. When I was looking at the IMDb because she eventually does in the Holiday. Sweetest Thing isn't really a rom com,

[Sierra Marquina]

but you don't think so.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, it's a comedy.

[Chris Ryan]

She just made more sex comedies than rom coms. She was not really a rom. She's in the Holiday, but she was not really a rom com person.

[Bill Simmons]

She didn't make a while you were sleeping or. But she really.

[Chris Ryan]

She made like sex tape, you know, she did the.

[Bill Simmons]

She made the Malkovich movies. She did the Gangs in New York. Matt Dillon, though.

[Chris Ryan]

What's Matt Dillon's Apex Mountain?

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's in the 80s. Huh.

[Sierra Marquina]

Do you think it's Outsiders?

[Bill Simmons]

I think it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Or Rumble Fish or whatever.

[Bill Simmons]

He felt like he was the biggest teen actor in the world in the 83, 84 range for a couple years there. The Farrelly brothers. Yes. So this leads to me, myself and Irene a year later, which is a bonkers movie. A year and a half.

[Chris Ryan]

I wrote down the Farrellys, and I think it's probably the answer. But, you know, Peter Farrelly won best picture, like, whatever, 20 years later.

[Bill Simmons]

So would you say this was Bobby Farrelly's Apex Mountain, but Peter Farrelly was winning for Green Book?

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's. I think it's theirs just because as

[Bill Simmons]

a combo, this is it.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think Peter Farrelly and Bobby Farrelly would probably go out and like, they could do a screening for this movie tomorrow and it would be full and they would be like, arts. I don't know that Green Book has that legacy.

[Bill Simmons]

You can't have a comedy do better than this. I don't think this movie was an absolute comedy phenomenon that made a ton of money and either created stars or made stars bigger.

[Sierra Marquina]

It's also just so striking because we just did Ghostbusters and to watch a movie where it's like Ghostbusters still at the last 20 minutes is like kind of a sci fi movie. Like, a lot of the jokes in Ghostbusters are said to the side of, like, the plot. This movie is like, every scene is a gag. Every scene builds up to a big, big punchline.

[Bill Simmons]

The Providence Bruins. No. Chris Elliott.

[Sierra Marquina]

When was the Providence Bruins Apex?

[Bill Simmons]

Huge poster in the Ben 1 bedroom scene with Ben Storer.

[Chris Ryan]

We get.

[Sierra Marquina]

But I'm saying, was there another Apex Mountain?

[Bill Simmons]

They won a couple AHL titles. Okay, okay.

[Sierra Marquina]

Chris Elliott.

[Chris Ryan]

Letterman.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I think it's Letterman.

[Chris Ryan]

Apex. It's probably this. I mean, maybe that first episode, Get a Life, where I was like, it's happening. Like, it's like the premiere episode. It's like, it's on Fox. Was it Sunday night? Like, against, like, after the Simpsons. Right? Like, that was Right. Herman. Herman's Head hours.

[Sierra Marquina]

I was more of a Herman's head guy.

[Bill Simmons]

Would you go funny come scenes or something else, Sierra?

[Sierra Marquina]

I mean, buffalo Migs is pretty high up there for funny come scenes, but it's unintentional comedy. This is the most intentional come scene.

[Bill Simmons]

Funny.

[Chris Ryan]

What are some other come scenes?

[Sierra Marquina]

Craig, want to Google that for us?

[Craig Robeck]

Yeah, I'll pull that up.

[Bill Simmons]

Funniest come scenes. Hold on, guys. Franks and beans.

[Chris Ryan]

Apex Mountain for the terminology phrase or franks and beans.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's the funniest penis injury I've ever seen on.

[Bill Simmons]

I will say this. Franks and beans has been a running joke at my house ever since about actual franks and beans and, like, you know, changing.

[Chris Ryan]

You could go anywhere. Like, I don't know where you're gonna take this.

[Bill Simmons]

Changing our son's diaper.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay, okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, make sure you get under the franks and beans like that. It's just been in the Lexcon in the Simmons house. Sorry, Ben. Miami comedies. I'm gonna say yes.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

Okay.

[Chris Ryan]

Miami Vice is hilarious to me.

[Bill Simmons]

Miami movies gets a little more interesting.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's Miami Vice.

[Bill Simmons]

Is that as well?

[Craig Robeck]

Are you excited?

[Chris Ryan]

It's Scarface.

[Sierra Marquina]

What are we talking about for Miami Vice? 85.

[Bill Simmons]

Okay.

[Sierra Marquina]

Did you want. You want to do, like, a separate little segment at the end of this?

[Bill Simmons]

Did you hear Sean's idea? Flipping them.

[Sierra Marquina]

Flipping them. Oh, making. Oh, making mbj.

[Bill Simmons]

MBJ is Crockett in Austin Butler's tubs. That got me excited.

[Chris Ryan]

Right? Isn't that the move?

[Sierra Marquina]

That is the move.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't think Austin Butler can be

[Chris Ryan]

Sonny Crockett, but MBJ can be Sonny.

[Bill Simmons]

Have we ever seen him smoke a cigarette?

[Sierra Marquina]

I feel like he smoked cigarettes and caught stealing. Right.

[Chris Ryan]

He does.

[Craig Robeck]

Is that not what they're doing? It's not MBJ as Sonny.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know.

[Craig Robeck]

I feel like it would have to be.

[Sierra Marquina]

That would be weird for Michael B. Jordan to be like, I'm happy to play second fiddle to Austin Butler. I just won an Oscar.

[Bill Simmons]

Jamie did it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And he was bigger at the time and had come up. Was coming off.

[Sierra Marquina]

I guess you're right.

[Bill Simmons]

Crazy suntans.

[Chris Ryan]

It's actually the same thing. Was coming off the Ray Win.

[Bill Simmons]

Crazy brown suntans. I think. Yes. Jonathan Richmond definitely is Cruz or Hanks.

[Sierra Marquina]

I cruise Cruz as.

[Bill Simmons]

As Ted or somebody else.

[Sierra Marquina]

I would like to see Cruz with the chompers as Healy.

[Chris Ryan]

See, I think actually 80s Hanks could do Pat Healy.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, interesting. I had Hanks either as, as Ted or Pat Healy. Hanks could have done either.

[Sierra Marquina]

Cruz could have done the, the Hitchhiker. 7 minute abs.

[Bill Simmons]

I think Hanks is the answer. Scorsese or Spielberg? Tough one for these guys.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think it's Marty and it's Cape Fear. It's basically a thriller.

[Chris Ryan]

That's good.

[Bill Simmons]

The Catherine Tramell. Would you throw your life away for this obvious stay away award?

[Sierra Marquina]

Is that for Mary?

[Chris Ryan]

Who's the stay away?

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's Mary. Just because she has all these psychos after her. Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, once you find out her dating history and it's like you've dated NFL quarterback and three guys.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. She's like, maybe I'm looking over your

[Craig Robeck]

shoulder the entire time. You'd get murdered by some stalker.

[Bill Simmons]

I would still throw it away picking it. Why does Mary's an orthopedic surgeon, but lives in this weird complex where she shares a balcony with Magna. What's going on here?

[Sierra Marquina]

I, I, I feel like this is like, basically right out of, like 90s sitcoms where it's like, yeah, they all live together. It's like, why, why would they, why

[Chris Ryan]

would you live with Magda?

[Bill Simmons]

Wouldn't she be in, like, a. On the 34th floor of some high rise?

[Sierra Marquina]

Is it supposed to be that she's Magnus next door neighbor and is like, kind of shares a balcony with her or that's what it with Mag?

[Bill Simmons]

No, she lives next door.

[Craig Robeck]

She explains it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Right.

[Craig Robeck]

Magnus husband dies and was lonely, and Cameron Diaz is like the most altruistic human that's ever lived. Right. So it's doing her a favor by keeping her company.

[Sierra Marquina]

And then Mag just starts nailing the homeless dock worker.

[Bill Simmons]

Speaking of Mary, does she have patience? Is she working? What's going on here?

[Chris Ryan]

She seems to, like, sees Tucker in her office.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, but that's the. Otherwise, it's like during the day, she's, like, driving around, no surgeries, play golf and buy, like, checkers for.

[Bill Simmons]

She's working at the, at the camp. Yeah, she's checking out her golf swing.

[Chris Ryan]

You wanted more scenes of her experience.

[Sierra Marquina]

Well, that might explain why she's living in a small apartment.

[Chris Ryan]

Not getting a lot of business.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Would have liked to have seen her at least, like, move somebody's knee around and been like, how's your ACL Feel better?

[Chris Ryan]

Is that what happens?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Bill Simmons]

Does that feel better? Wouldn't Ted have known that he went to the same high school as Woogie?

[Sierra Marquina]

Woogie went to 1/4, Ted, he went

[Chris Ryan]

to Borington Falls or whatever they talk

[Bill Simmons]

about, but she knew Mary's okay. Same town, at least.

[Chris Ryan]

Neighboring neighborhood.

[Sierra Marquina]

Neighbor says four towns over. It. We heard about it. Four towns over.

[Bill Simmons]

But he knows who Woogie is. He knows this guy's name is Don Woogenowski. Never put the two and two together. I guess Ted's not a rocket scientist.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah, he's just a magazine writer.

[Bill Simmons]

I have one more big one, but do you have any.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't really know what Dom's plan here was. Dom gets the ball rolling downhill. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Why is he helping Ted but trying to sabotage him?

[Chris Ryan]

He's a maniac.

[Sierra Marquina]

But he wants Healy to find Mary, and then he's gonna go. But, like, when he's home watching Cops, was he, like, I might go down there anyway, or does he only go down there once Ted gets arrested?

[Chris Ryan]

Well, he's relieved earlier in the film when he hears that Mary is overweight. And he is only interested, really, in coming down when he finds out. It's a ruse. Right?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

So then when he learns that Mary

[Bill Simmons]

looks good, his face starts breaking out. Yeah. Yeah. How would Ted ever get ahold of Brett Favre the week of the Dolphins game?

[Chris Ryan]

Incredible. Incredible question, red.

[Bill Simmons]

Favre's like, 30 million people are watching NFL games.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't know. Like, back in 98, did those guys have to go through, like, massive film sessions? Wasn't it just kind of go out there and throw some frozen ropes?

[Chris Ryan]

Out of all 30 starting quarterbacks in the NFL, who's the one you think you get closest to getting in touch with right now?

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, this is a fucking awesome question.

[Bill Simmons]

Not Jalen hurts, I'll tell you that much.

[Chris Ryan]

That's for darn sure.

[Sierra Marquina]

I would have said darl. I darn the Super Bowl.

[Craig Robeck]

Why not?

[Chris Ryan]

Because he seems like a regular guy.

[Sierra Marquina]

He seems like the kind of guy who'd be like, I also like prestige television, and I watch and maybe DM once.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you think? I think the answer is Drake May. Because you go through his wife.

[Sierra Marquina]

I mean, we're not through you.

[Bill Simmons]

No. Do you go through Drake May's wife, and she's on social media all the time, and you just be like, I

[Sierra Marquina]

want to hang out with you.

[Bill Simmons]

Chris Ryan of the Watch.

[Sierra Marquina]

You see that?

[Chris Ryan]

Is that how you introduce yourself to new people?

[Bill Simmons]

Chris Rider, the Watch?

[Craig Robeck]

No.

[Chris Ryan]

No. Who's, like, the least successful actor, I bet.

[Sierra Marquina]

Bryce Young.

[Chris Ryan]

Bryce Young, number one overall pick.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, this is stupid. Baker.

[Craig Robeck]

Baker would definitely answer.

[Bill Simmons]

Baker isn't the answer. Tyler schuck. It's like 25. Happy to be here.

[Sierra Marquina]

No, but Baker actually would bits, and Baker would be like, yeah, man, I'll come hang out on like a Thursday.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

I feel like Baker's like, does like three pods a week.

[Bill Simmons]

Any other picket,

[Chris Ryan]

to me, the biggest one is like, I get Pat's move here. Okay, let me go back. Is Pat's move to have sex with Mary or is it to be in love forever?

[Sierra Marquina]

I think he loves.

[Bill Simmons]

I think wants to marry Mary. Yeah, he loves her. Okay.

[Chris Ryan]

So that plan is going to fall apart at a certain point.

[Bill Simmons]

Right. And he's probably got to uncap his teeth.

[Chris Ryan]

Right. And then you already pointed out Tucker, Norm's long game is just baffling.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yes. But speaks to Mary's flawed orthopedic surgery career.

[Craig Robeck]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Sequel, prequel, prestige. To be all black cast or untouchable? I think it's untouchable. Is this movie better when you sure

[Chris Ryan]

you don't want to do all black cast?

[Bill Simmons]

I think it's an untouchable. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Fergie the Florist, Zane Lowe, Robert Evans, Ryan Ruko or somebody else?

[Sierra Marquina]

I definitely think that there, there was some space here for Fergie because of, because of the New England thing.

[Bill Simmons]

What do you got?

[Sierra Marquina]

And it's just like Fergie being like, you're gonna do this for me. You're gonna go down to Miami and find this Mary or I'm gonna clip ya.

[Bill Simmons]

Fergie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah,

[Chris Ryan]

Fergie is. Fergie is.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't think I can handle Fergie as wokey. Fergie the Florist. Watching Cops is not okay.

[Bill Simmons]

You don't want to do Robert Evans exploring Mary.

[Sierra Marquina]

When did Robert Evans come back?

[Bill Simmons]

Robert Evans is back. I don't know if you want to do it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Robert Evans. Robert Loggia.

[Bill Simmons]

Robert Evans.

[Chris Ryan]

Was Robert Evans ever in the mix here?

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know. I. I just thought we'd throw him in. Married the kind of legs that could stop a room.

[Sierra Marquina]

She had Nelly Corda's golf swing.

[Bill Simmons]

She loved meat on a stick, and she could hit a three iron 190 yards.

[Sierra Marquina]

Where did Robert.

[Bill Simmons]

I introduced her to Steve McQueen and I never saw either of them again.

[Sierra Marquina]

I introduced her to Brett Favre. She was living in Green Bay this time next year.

[Bill Simmons]

Brett Favre never won another game that year. Just one Oscar. Who gets it? You'd go, Dylan.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I'm going the prop master.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, I'll go the script.

[Chris Ryan]

We got Puffy, we got Loeb.

[Sierra Marquina]

Come.

[Chris Ryan]

You know.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Probably unanswerable questions. What replaced rest areas as the bath houses of the 90s for the next three decades?

[Sierra Marquina]

That's a great question, Bill.

[Bill Simmons]

What were the zero zeros?

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't know how to answer that. I'm not sure I know.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, I don't really know either. My question was I think Tinder hopped in there.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. I think online. Like swipe left swipe or swipe right or.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, one of those. Swipe. Yeah, that's2010.

[Sierra Marquina]

What's the podcast equivalent of emptying the baby batter before the date? It's like. Is that like when I do the watch before the rewatch, before we recorded.

[Chris Ryan]

Bill's like, you guys fresh? You done any pods today? Don't want to be all used up trying to squeeze a second one out.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I had Zach last night. We recorded most of the podcasts, but then we did the top up late night and he's like groggy and half asleep. And it's the best version of Zach.

[Sierra Marquina]

I think you guys were talking about IO and he's just like, I don't know what the to do there.

[Bill Simmons]

I love groggy Zach. Did Ted and Mary get married?

[Sierra Marquina]

I think they date for like six weeks and break up.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. Because he's. He can't carry this.

[Chris Ryan]

What do you mean?

[Bill Simmons]

No, she's. She's like marrying Ronnie.

[Sierra Marquina]

I also think she. He gets nuked by. We didn't talk about this. By Sarah Silverman and Katie Alexander. I don't think he lasts five seconds with them.

[Bill Simmons]

Oh, true. We forgot to mention them. They had two very stereotypical 90s Rom com comedy girls hanging out scenes. Yeah, this is my big one. How did this movie not have a sequel?

[Chris Ryan]

I assume they had a chance to do it.

[Sierra Marquina]

This is just good thinking. This is like, I like, let's not fuck with this. Like a sequel, a bad sequel. This movie screws up the integrity of this movie.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, you're saying that rationally.

[Sierra Marquina]

I'm surprised too.

[Bill Simmons]

Somebody that is treating the movie industry like something that's not gonna bastardize good IP the moment they feel like they sniff some dollar signs. It's crazy to me. Ben Stiller is a much bigger star. Cameron Diaz is a much bigger star. After this movie. The Farrelly brothers probably needed some sort of comeback thingy in the around 20056 range, and they never thought about doing a sequel.

[Chris Ryan]

It's crazy. They did a sequel to Dumb and Dumber. They did the Three Stooges movie. They remade the Heartbreak Kids. So it's not like they were above this kind of thing.

[Bill Simmons]

I just thought it's the all time layup. I can't believe they didn't do it.

[Sierra Marquina]

I don't think that there's anything happens till now to the idea. So they basically. This movie comes out in 98. They essentially need to make this movie before 08 to get it under the social media wire. Because after that it's just like, yeah, I know what Mary's doing. I look at her on Facebook.

[Bill Simmons]

Facebook, right.

[Sierra Marquina]

And so like, there's only like a small window to kind of pull off that premise.

[Chris Ryan]

Cameron Diaz is only 53. I mean, you could easily. We're getting a spaceball sequel.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, we're getting the Meet the Fockers grandkids movie, right?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, that's. Yeah, that's right.

[Chris Ryan]

Meet Focker in Law.

[Bill Simmons]

Fokker in law. The secret handshake memorabilia you'd want from this movie. I have a great one for this, but you got it.

[Sierra Marquina]

Mary's signature golf bag.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, Warren's earmuffs.

[Bill Simmons]

That's really good.

[Sierra Marquina]

The headphones, right. Ear muffs too.

[Chris Ryan]

He has the red earmuffs. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

This is what Peter said about the hair gel. Somebody hired a guy to make different loads. He showed up with a leather briefcase, like a businessman that had 30 or 40 loads in it. We called Ben over and would hold one up at a time, like an earring. People would say, no, too small. Hmm. Kind of lumpy. That's how we decided. Afterwards, we never saw the crew member again. He shed his briefcase and left. We were laughing like, who is that guy and how does he have that job? I'd want the briefcase.

[Sierra Marquina]

The briefcase full of loads.

[Chris Ryan]

You want the loads in the briefcase?

[Bill Simmons]

I want the whole package.

[Sierra Marquina]

I want everything they've probably like calcified since 1980.

[Craig Robeck]

What's.

[Chris Ryan]

What's some everyday use for the loads for you?

[Bill Simmons]

What do you people come over like, hey, do you like something about Mary? Have you seen my load case? Floyd Gondoli butter mass lollipops of my mouth award for something. I just enjoy a load case.

[Sierra Marquina]

I like a movie where everybody has a job but nobody works. So, like, Cameron Diaz is an orthopedic surgeon, but spends the day hanging out at the driving range. Ben Stiller apparently has just umpteenth amounts of. Of PTO to like stalk his ex girlfriend. I don't want to spend a lot of time working with these guys.

[Chris Ryan]

I love when a movie introduces a character who seems completely ancillary and incidental and turns out to be the psychopath at the center of the movie. The Woogie reveal in theaters, Right? This is pretty great double feature.

[Sierra Marquina]

I would go kingpin just to get the Farrelly brothers oeuvre.

[Chris Ryan]

I said American Pie. That just held us down. Two summers, two Julys in a row.

[Sierra Marquina]

What do you have?

[Bill Simmons]

Dumb and Dumber. Let's just laugh for three and a half hours. Who won the movie?

[Sierra Marquina]

I know it's the Farrelly brothers, but it's Dylan. Interesting for this viewing.

[Bill Simmons]

So there's four candidates for this, and I actually think the answer is Ben Stiller because he goes from I didn't know you could be the lead of a comedy to then ripping off 11 straight years of comedies. And it's because of this movie. And I don't know if it happens without this movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

Are you the deciding voter or do you have a third option?

[Chris Ryan]

I think it's Cameron Diaz.

[Sierra Marquina]

There you go.

[Chris Ryan]

I think there's a really good case for both of them. I think Matt Dillon's the funniest part of the movie. I think Ben Stiller goes on to the greatest amount of success in the movie. But it's Cameron Diaz on the poster. It's Cameron Diaz's movie. Her character's name in the title. This is the thing that catapults her.

[Bill Simmons]

I thought about her, but I feel like she's gonna win the next 15 years anyway.

[Chris Ryan]

I'll tell you what else I was thinking about.

[Bill Simmons]

I don't know if Ben Stiller WINS the next 15 years.

[Chris Ryan]

She never been nominated for an Oscar. Not really remembered.

[Sierra Marquina]

Has she ever done any Oscar beat?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, Gangs of New York and Being John Malkovich. She was nominated for a Globe for Being John Malkovich. And she's been nominated for awards before, but never kind of got to that mountaintop.

[Bill Simmons]

The Anna Faris thing felt like that was bad for a little bit.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that was a shot. What was the Aaron Faris thing in Lost in Translation?

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, yeah.

[Craig Robeck]

She got a Globe nom for something

[Chris Ryan]

by Mary for this? Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

And now it's time we go to Craig for his take on the movie.

[Sierra Marquina]

You'd say we didn't decide who won the movie. Who do you think won the movie?

[Craig Robeck]

I think in the moment it's Cameron Diaz, but I think if you watch the movie now, it's Matt Dillon because going back, you're just so surprised at how funny he is. And I can't believe that he didn't go on to do more comedy.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, this is a little Apex Mountain Y because it's like, who Won the movie is different than who won the movie.

[Chris Ryan]

Right, right.

[Sierra Marquina]

Like there's the best part of the movie and the person who benefited most

[Bill Simmons]

from it, which I think if you're doing that, I think it's Ben Stiller. It's Stiller.

[Craig Robeck]

But when you walked out of the movie in 1998, probably Diaz being like, wow, who is that?

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, also the Farrelly brothers. I would have been like, give me season tickets now. I'm with you guys.

[Chris Ryan]

Where do you stand on the, like the run after this? Me, Myself and Irene, Shallow Halloween, Hall Pass, all those movies.

[Bill Simmons]

I didn't like Shallow Hal. I did not like. What was the other one?

[Chris Ryan]

Me, myself and Irene.

[Bill Simmons]

No, me, myself and Irene carried his peak. Like, that was worse than theater. Shallow how? And stuck on you. I wanted to like stuck on you. It just didn't work. Yeah, Just didn't happen. And then Fever Pitch is in a front.

[Sierra Marquina]

I still like Fever Pitch.

[Chris Ryan]

You do?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Craig Robeck]

I like it too.

[Bill Simmons]

To Craig, what was your take?

[Craig Robeck]

I love this movie. The script is just really impressive. Like the amount of callbacks that they're able to weave back into the story, like there is no stone left unturned. It's really impressive. Like every little mention, her having an ex boyfriend named Brett, everything ties up in a really. Yeah. In a really, really impressive way. It's just a great set piece comedy. And I think, I think the. I think there was a, A, A sweet spot for set piece comedies. And I think CGI kind of ruined them. Where I think when you have to live in like the reality of what you're literally physically able to do while shooting a movie, I think set pieces were just way funnier because it was like real humans doing real stuff. And this is like a perfect sweet spot with that. And then once you get got past certain like 2010s, there was like way more CGI and things and the humor to me felt more like artificial.

[Sierra Marquina]

Yeah. When Warren beats up Ted, it's real. It would be so fake now.

[Craig Robeck]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah. And I think Stewart looks like he took those bumps.

[Sierra Marquina]

But they would do it the way they do. Like those fake, like those John Wick movies, like Bob Odenkirk action movies where it's like, oh, I'm flying through the window.

[Craig Robeck]

And it was because they always think bigger is better. And then with CGI you can go huge. But I actually think it takes away some of the humanity of it. And so this movie is within like a 10, 15 year sweet spot of all the set piece Comedies, in my opinion.

[Bill Simmons]

I forgot to mention, I like when they try on the outfits and, oh yeah, Warren's dressed as like a cowboy and then Ben Stiller comes out with a pink superhero outfit.

[Craig Robeck]

Also, a driving range on the water is like the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. Or how many of those are for

[Sierra Marquina]

the body of water?

[Craig Robeck]

Why isn't there one of those in la?

[Sierra Marquina]

I bet there is somewhere in the valley.

[Chris Ryan]

So that's the idea that you've got a underwater ball scooper.

[Bill Simmons]

I guess it would only improve the water. Or there's a guy in a boat

[Craig Robeck]

out there just like there is, you know.

[Bill Simmons]

Cr. Phil, it was a pleasure.

[Sierra Marquina]

It was a pleasure. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm sorry you didn't like my idea of having the suitcase of all the stunt cum loads.

[Sierra Marquina]

I just wanted to know what you were gonna do with it. Like, I think it would be if you did a series, you'd look at it.

[Bill Simmons]

If I had it in the house,

[Sierra Marquina]

I would check it out. I would be like, how could we. How can we ruin Ben's night with this?

[Bill Simmons]

I love that they had made 30 of them. I'm just so fascinated by this.

[Craig Robeck]

I'd be good, like Halloween, handing those out.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Do you think the guy who made the loads has, like, had a good job? Do you think he is? Do you think.

[Bill Simmons]

I think he. He said he was in props, but now I think probably about 2007. Probably moved back to wherever he came from. From. It was like, I'm moving back to New Jersey.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, like into his mom's house.

[Sierra Marquina]

What do you mean?

[Bill Simmons]

I just don't think it really probably worked out.

[Sierra Marquina]

His career as load bearing CGI came in.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, you might say he was load bearing.

[Bill Simmons]

Sean, new newsletter. Yeah.

[Sierra Marquina]

Hey.

[Chris Ryan]

Hey.

[Bill Simmons]

Hey. Projections.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's it.

[Bill Simmons]

Maybe do like a paragraph about. There's something about Mary.

[Sierra Marquina]

Oh, that would be nice.

[Chris Ryan]

I would love to promote this fine podcast.

[Sierra Marquina]

Hey, thanks. Anything you can do to help us out, that would be great.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, you gotta pump those numbers out, you know.

[Bill Simmons]

Thanks for your help. Thanks to Craig Robeck as well. Thanks to Gahal and Eduardo as well. Thanks to Louis K. For hanging out with me for the first time in two years.

[Sierra Marquina]

That was big of him.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, that was nice of him. And we'll see you. We're doing all comedies this month, so we'll see you. Not sure what the comedy's gonna be next week, but we'll see you next.

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