Hottest Fantasy Story Lines as Told by ‘Happy Gilmore’

Summary

The Ringer Fantasy Football Show – "Hottest Fantasy Story Lines as Told by ‘Happy Gilmore’"

Date: July 24, 2025
Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, Craig Horlbeck

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Overview

In this episode, The Ringer Fantasy Football team (Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck) take a playful twist on preseason fantasy football analysis by connecting the hottest 2025 fantasy football storylines to quotes and moments from the classic comedy film Happy Gilmore (in anticipation of the sequel's release). The episode manages to blend sharp, insightful fantasy football discussion with irreverent and memorable Happy Gilmore references, covering everything from training camp overreactions to player projections, position battles, and even fantasy draft strategy. The hosts keep the tone loose, candid, and relatable for sports fans, all while dropping numerous quotes and deep-cut observations from the movie.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

I. Housekeeping and Preseason Hype (02:13 – 04:14)

• Announcements on new fantasy rankings (fresh "facelift"), draft trackers, and new YouTube/Instagram presence.
• The importance and joy of early NFL training camp, highlighting how social media is perfect for wild overreactions and baseless claims, coining it "the best week of the year" for fantasy Twitter/amateur scouts.

Notable Quote
Danny Kelly (04:16): "Social media during training camp...is what Twitter is built for. It's like baseless claims on extremely limited information."

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II. Training Camp Fodder: Overreactions, Buzz, and Summer Camp Fights (04:14 – 13:05)

• Tyreek Hill Discourse: DK pushes back on the narrative that Hill is too old or washed (age 31), saying he’s a calculated “league-winning upside” pick at value if Tua stays healthy. The group debates Tua/Tyreek's chemistry and Miami's offensive line concerns.
• Other Training Camp Blurbs:
  • Daniel Jones/Anthony Richardson battling for starting reps, but both struggle with turnover-prone days.
  • Absurd overreactions to one-off viral video clips from camp: “empty calorie BS — but I love it” (ref. Ted McMillan ladder drill).
  • Browns' barge helmet reveal goes awry (with a social media member falling in the water), launching a tangent about NFL alternate helmet culture.

Notable Quotes
Danny Kelly (06:38): "I think the pendulum has swung way too far. We've just decided he's washed – I don't think he is."
Craig Horlbeck (09:50): "I really like old grizzled beat writer negativity. It's always the best this time of year."
Danny Kelly (11:27): "It's complete empty calorie B.S. But I love it. It's dessert for me."

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III. "Happy Gilmore" Quote Game: Mapping Movie Moments to Fantasy Hot Takes (13:40 – 60:00)

a. Vibes Coaches, Hokey Advice & the “Circular Circle” (14:29)

• Comparing NFL coaches/players with quirky “good vibes only” attitudes to comic movie characters.
• Aaron Rodgers’ spiritual branding with young Steelers; Ben Johnson with Caleb Williams.

Notable Quote
Craig Horlbeck (14:29): "You've gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad—feel the flow, happy, feel it...it's circular. It's like a carousel."

b. Dead Last, Winning, and Fantasy QBs (23:05 – 25:54)

• Comparing Justin Fields' fantasy salary to Happy Gilmore's “long drive” — outlier skills that overshadow team performance.
• Discussion on Jalen Hurts’ “disrespect” and why he’s undervalued in drafts (despite top rushing TDs for a QB).
• Group consensus: Hurts is predictable, with league-leading scoring consistency, and is going too late in drafts.

Notable Quotes
Danny Kelly (23:14): "I just love the idea that Justin Fields is Anthony Richardson last year. He can fucking drive the green every time."
Danny Heifetz (25:35): “The most predictable single player in the sport is going to go 38th? It’s fucking crazy.”

c. DK Metcalf, Rodgers, and Receivers in Limbo (17:31 – 22:40)

• Internal debate on DK Metcalf’s true value and whether Rodgers-to-Steelers can succeed stylistically.
• The problem with “squishy” WR tiers 40-70 overall; lack of differentiation at that ADP level.

Notable Quote
Danny Kelly (20:34): "The consensus is we have a lot of questions about this offense... Metcalf’s style with Rodgers’ style clearly don’t work on paper."

d. Playcalling Carousel, Cowboys, & Coaching Narratives (39:20 – 41:05)

• Jerry Jones, Brian Schottenheimer and how head coach “fit” and narrative can drive fantasy value more than most admit.
• Anecdotes about Cowboys’ management mirroring Shooter McGavin’s delusional quotes and need for attention.

e. Anthony Richardson = Happy Gilmore of Fantasy (30:17 – 32:08)

• The "raw tools, no consistency" QB archetype (“that was so much easier than putting!”)—massive upside if the job’s handed to him.
• The best “free” late-round lottery ticket; should always be stashed in the final roster spot.

Notable Quote
Danny Heifetz (31:18): “Anthony Richardson... is the best fantasy ‘buy low’ asset ever because he’s basically free.”

f. Alvin Kamara & Running Backs on Bad Teams (45:15 – 49:43)

• Hilarious tangent about Kamara’s “uneven legs” and how the Saints’ vibes are so poor he’s mostly undraftable unless at a discount.
• Discussion of fantasy psychology: memorable stars (Kamara) are never truly discounted, so it’s hard to justify the risk.

g. Rapid-Fire “Happy Gilmore” NFL Parallels

• Panthers/Bryce Young’s “nightmare” (Happy Place gone bad) = 2024 Carolina disaster year (32:08)
• Najee Harris’ preseason “one eye” scare = drafting players with hidden injury risk (51:41)
• George Pickens “penalty box” = volatile, high-upside WR archetype
• Chubbs’ long arm = Saints’ offense; patchwork and awkward but could work?
• Happy learning to putt = "what if [insert fantasy sleeper] just learns the basics this year?"

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IV. Mailbag & Community: Fantasy League Punishments & Email Gags (80:12 – 87:56)

• Brainstorming creative but family-friendly fantasy last-place punishments (ex: twerking class in gym attire chosen by winner, drinking cold cans of soup).
• Hilarious digression into famous “wrong website”/domain name mishaps (e.g., WhiteHouse.com infamous as an adult site during school civics lessons, Dick’s Sporting Goods confusion).
• Call for more listener emails and creative ideas.

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V. Pop Culture Trash-Talk and Happy Gilmore Movie Deep Dives (60:00 – 77:10)

• Re-living the best physical comedy, cameos, and quotable moments from Happy Gilmore.
• Philosophical tangents on whether “mini-golf training” is good putting coaching, why VHS tapes and records are (or aren't) real, and which “old guy” is truly “washed”.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• (14:29) “Feel the flow, Happy. Feel it? It's circular. It's like a carousel…” — Craig, channeling Kevin Nealon’s Happy Gilmore monologue; applied to Ben Johnson and new-age coaches/quarterbacks.
• (23:14) “Shooter McGavin: Oh, yeah. What, do you finish dead last? … I was too busy winning.” — Applied to the “rushing QB doesn’t win games, but scores big in fantasy”
• (25:35) “The most predictable single player in the sport is going to go 38th? It's fucking crazy.” — Heifetz defending Jalen Hurts
• (31:18) “Anthony Richardson... is the best fantasy ‘buy low’ asset ever because he’s basically free.”
• (45:15) “Chubbs's right arm is so clearly just his hand... it's so funny when they zoom out and you can see how long his arm is.” — Craig on movie details, segues into RB debate
• (51:41) “Got that bastard's eye, though—That's Justin Herbert. You got one eye.” — Happy Gilmore quote as fantasy injury metaphor
• (64:47) “Do people have big checks? They give those out?” — Nostalgia for novelty prize checks, lack of modern equivalents in fantasy.
• (59:26) “Go back to your shanties!” — Shooter McGavin, applied to fantasy Twitter and irrational player fandom.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:13 – 04:14: Preseason hype, new rankings, YouTube/IG promo
• 04:14 – 13:05: Training camp overreactions / viral videos
• 13:40 – 25:54: Transition to Happy Gilmore, Fantasy/NFL analogy game
• 25:54 – 41:05: QB tiers, Hurts/Fields/Metcalf, Cowboys/coach narrative
• 41:05 – 60:00: Happy Gilmore analogies, player “type” debates, running back risk
• 60:00 – 77:10: Movie nostalgia, physical comedy, deeper pop-culture tangent
• 80:12 – 87:56: Mailbag, punishment ideas, infamous websites

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Tone & Style

• The show is irreverent, loaded with inside jokes and pop culture allusions, but never loses its grounding in actionable fantasy advice.
• Discussion is rapid-fire, often self-deprecating, with a heavy emphasis on “don’t overthink it” and knowing fantasy football is mostly unpredictable nonsense.
• The hosts regularly break to riff on Happy Gilmore moments, connect jokes back to NFL personalities, and indulge in fanboy pop culture tangents.

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Useful for Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

• Wry, skeptical but insightful: While the podcast is joke-heavy, all substantial fantasy questions—such as what to do with aging stars, how to treat coaching changes, or whether to trust off-season hype—are addressed with honest pros and cons.
• Draft/strategy tips peppered with personality: Emphasis is placed on upside, “winner” picks, and why the middle tiers of uncertain WRs are mostly a shrug.
• Relatable philosophy: The episode shows it’s OK to “outsource” some fantasy decisions to gut checks, memorable cues (even movie quotes), and common sense.
• Community input welcomed: Directs listeners to email in for league interaction—a running theme for building a fantasy community.

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Conclusion

The episode offers a perfect snapshot of modern fantasy football banter: high on culture, wit, and chemistry between co-hosts, yet still loaded with draft and player insight. If you love rapid-fire wisdom laced with Happy Gilmore references, passionate player debates, and creatively applied movie lines ("circular circle!"), you’ll enjoy both the entertainment and truly practical fantasy advice this pod brings to your preseason prep.

Transcript

[Danny Heifetz]

This episode is brought to you by Yahoo. Fantasy. It's my favorite time of the year. The NFL season is almost here and fantasy football season is in full swing. This season Yahoo. Fantasy is taking it up a notch and giving you a fantasy football experience like never before. This year we're playing on Yahoo. Fantasy and you should too. We're doing the Ringer Fantasy football league on Yahoo. Fantasy because it's the best place to do the league. Yahoo Fantasy is dropping 28 big new features over 28 days throughout the they just dropped Yahoo. Fantasy guillotine leagues where the lowest scoring team gets eliminated weekly until one is left standing. Give this new mode a try or stick with the classics in private head to head leagues or public leagues. Stay tuned for more killer announcements and start playing Yahoo. Fantasy Football now@yahoo. Fantasy.com theringer this episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Your home is more than a space. It's where you express yourself. Like, we've all got our set up for when the guys are over, right? So my thing, when it, when, when everyone's just around watching a game, watching a movie, whatever is I go for. I want a corner couch. If it's a L shaped couch, I want the corner that to me is like, I don't know if it's the alpha spot, but I'm like, that's where I. That's like the Nestle. That's the cozy. That's where I want to be. And if that's not available, any kind of like single chair, like where I'm not on the couch. Like if it rocks. Unbelievable. Recliner, I'm in heaven recliner cup holder, full leg extension. Like, that is the dream because you can kind of get up whenever, but you're laying back. It's the best of every world. Like, that's the goal to me. So. However, whatever your vibe, Wayfarer is every style for every home. They've got all your home essentials, storage solutions, decor and more all in one place. I use Wayfair. So Jack and I, we got a rug. And I'm not going to lie, I realized that Big Lebowski, they were right, like the right room. The right rug really does bring the whole room together. It's so nice to walk on. I just. It's the nicest rug I've ever owned. And I didn't realize how much that would bring me joy. Maybe I'm just getting older in life, but I didn't realize that I. A really, really, really nice area rug just would bring me A ton of joy, but it does get inspired with room ideas and easy to shop collections. All with everyday ways to save. Shop everything [e-mail] with free and easy delivery straight to your door. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Danny Kelly]

Foreign.

[Danny Heifetz]

Welcome to the Ringer fantasy football show. My name is Danny Heifetz and I am joined on the tea by Danny Kelly and Craig Horvik. And today we are going to tell you the storylines for the 2025 football season as told by Happy Gilmore.

[Danny Kelly]

Happy Gilmore. Happy Next on the tee.

[Craig Horvik]

Lafferty, Daniel.

[Danny Kelly]

Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?

[Danny Heifetz]

So Happy Gilmore 2 is coming out Friday and we wanted to honor the old Happy Gilmore slash emotionally hedge against the chance that Happy Gilmore 2 is horrific by chance reveling by reveling in the old Happy Gilmore, which I think we quote more than any other movie by far on this podcast. And there's a small chance the new one tarnishes the old one maybe a little. And so we wanted to memorialize this last moment, the last pure quoting of Happy Gilmore before the second movie probably over quotes the first one. So yeah, we're just gonna go through and basically just assign a bunch of words of quotes of like, hey, this quote reminds us of that dumb thing. First, a couple things. Number one, we have our rankings are out. We you can go to the episode description. We have a link to our rankings. Our rankings are updated. The whole site facelift. It looks different. So you can check out our rankings. We're obviously all preseason we're going to be talking about our ranks.

[Danny Kelly]

They're looking sexy. Got a facelift. It has all the right tweaks in all the right places. It's the best one we've put out.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's tight.

[Danny Kelly]

It's tighter.

[Danny Heifetz]

They do look sexy.

[Danny Kelly]

So really good.

[Danny Heifetz]

Go to the and we do have a draft tracker.

[Danny Kelly]

I got a few tweets about. Do you have a draft tracker this year? We do have a draft tracker so you can use that during your draft to kind of highlight and save the players you want and run through your draft using our tracker.

[Danny Heifetz]

So Kai and Carlos is going to put the ranking, the link to the rankings in the episode description and also we have a YouTube channel. Now go please subscribe to the YouTube channel Ringer Fantasy Football on YouTube and also Instagram. Ring your fancy football on Instagram. Okay, before we get to Abigail, more quotes, I do want to just do a little summer camp because this is the best.

[Danny Kelly]

It's the best week of the year is the first week of training camp.

[Craig Horvik]

I really do feel like, jump to conclusions.

[Danny Kelly]

Social media during training camp, I would argue is even more fun than social media during the NFL season because it's just like, it's what Twitter is built for. It's like baseless claims on extremely limited information.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

You take it as gospel and then just move on. It's the best. There's so many great things.

[Craig Horvik]

It's.

[Danny Kelly]

We're like two days in, it's already great.

[Danny Heifetz]

I got a text from my father in law who just sent me a picture, just a tweet of just Jackson Dart. And it was just like, jackson Dart, first training, kip throw pick six. Like 10 exclamation points. That I'm like, look, man.

[Craig Horvik]

Yes.

[Danny Heifetz]

But then there's also just people just. There's just receivers winning one on one drills versus cornerback Trey Harris. The Charger just gets a. Gets a cornerback on a slant and they're like, oh, my God, he put him on skates.

[Craig Horvik]

I'm like, it's going to be a problem on me.

[Danny Kelly]

That worked. I saw a couple of Trey Harris clips. I was like, I think I'm in. Like, I think I'm just in. I've seen all I need to see.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, my God. Anyway, so, yeah, so over the next.

[Danny Kelly]

Coming week, we want to kind of start some of our shows with just like some training camp fodder that has jumped out to us. Can I start?

[Danny Heifetz]

Please do it.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay. Did you guys see the tua? The TUA comment? Yes, Tua not the best at press conferences, I would say.

[Craig Horvik]

Like, is he too honest, Craig? Is that what you're saying?

[Danny Kelly]

Too honest. Too honest. Very good. Yeah. So for those of you who don't know, Tua, recently an oppressor after training camp, talked about Tyree Kill and rebuilding the relationship with the team after Tyree Kill after last season was like, I'm out. I don't want to be here anymore. And he's obviously still in Miami. And so Tua said, and I quote when you say it's a work in progress, the relationship, and quote, when you say something like that, you don't just come back with my bad. You got to work that relationship up. He is working on himself. Here's my entire take about this whole, like, Dolphins bad vibes. Tyreek wanted to leave. Tua's upset. I think this is just. I'm just going to draft Tyreek Hill. I honestly am. I kind of think the pendulum has swung way too far. And we've just decided he's washed. I don't think he is. He's 31. There was a clip of him burning some cornerback and catching like a 60 yard touchdown from Tua today. Maybe this quote will actually help Tyreek Hill. I don't know. I'm just like, john New Smith's gone. The run game is going to be better, if that helps. Tyreek's going to be better and there's going to be more deep shots. I think Tyree Kill in like the late second round. I'm just like, I'm in.

[Craig Horvik]

You can probably get him later than that too.

[Danny Kelly]

You know what I mean?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

This doesn't bother me.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think where I've landed with Tyree Kill is I totally see the possibility that Tua stays healthy and everyone's too afraid of Tua getting hurt and everyone's too afraid of Tyreek Hill being great again or whatever. Well, I wish I hadn't said it that way, but. Oh well. But I've decided that I think that is a smart and calculated risk that gives you league winning upside potentially. And also I'm going to let you do that.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay. That's fine.

[Danny Heifetz]

There's so many players in the first like that first 30 picks where I'm like, that guy could win your league. And I'm like, Tyreek Hill. Yeah, I just, I just, I don't disagree with anything you're saying.

[Danny Kelly]

But also we have him ranked 28th next to Kyron Williams. Like really, you'd rather have Kyron Williams and Ty. That's a, that's a, that's a coin flip for you.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think I'd rather, I'd rather have the quarterbacks at this point. I have all four, the top four quarterbacks. I have Jaylen Herz, Josh Allen, Lamar Jackson, Jen Daniels over there.

[Danny Kelly]

That's fair. But let's say you don't want a quarterback and you're debating between, you know, Tyreek Hill's around, Jackson Smith and Jigba, Mike Evans, Kyron Williams. I'm kind of like, I don't know. I feel like Tyreek over Evans, Tyreek Hill could like If Tua plays 17 games, I'm kind of like, could Tyreek be The wide receiver one?

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, I don't think plays 17 games. I mean I again, the blurbs we have, you know, we wrote a bunch of the stuff at the. For our rankings. We have little blurbs there again got a whole sexy facelift and like the. Or no, what does Tom Cruise get? Face stretches. They stretchers.

[Craig Horvik]

Is that What a facelift is around your phenomenal one.

[Danny Heifetz]

That's what we did to the guide. We just stretched the skin, got a little. The wrinkles out.

[Danny Kelly]

Whatever Pedro Pascal did to his neck, oh, my God. Really, really good work. Really.

[Danny Heifetz]

If anyone knows Pedro Pascal's neck guy, you know, email us. So, but anyway, I think that Tyree Kill, basically the. Literally all the Dolphins, they're just twice as efficient with two on the field. Twice as many yards, twice as many. Everything, like, you know, in the secret.

[Danny Kelly]

Sauces, like if they can run the ball that opens everything up in the basket.

[Danny Heifetz]

That's. That's the thing. Everyone's like, well, if they can run because, you know, they added a rookie second round guard and then the left tackle who's never played before. I'm like, what if those guys suck?

[Danny Kelly]

Not a James Daniels fan.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, but what injury is he. Isn't he coming off a horrific injury?

[Danny Kelly]

It's an Achilles, I believe, right?

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. So they play. So they have James Daniels. So the right. The right guard is coming off an Achilles. The left guard is a rookie, and the left tackle is Patrick. Paul has never played. And everyone's just like, it's different. So it'll be fine. I'm like, ah, they probably might suck. I'd rather have to von hn.

[Danny Kelly]

I'm gonna keep. I'm gonna keep paying TUA to slander Tyreek so that his. His ranking drops everywhere.

[Craig Horvik]

Just piss him off.

[Danny Heifetz]

TK do you have any out of context summer camp summer camp tweets? Yes. I mean, I don't.

[Craig Horvik]

This. There's this. Someone has context. Daniel Jones working with the ones to open practice. Sorry, this is for Mike Chappell, who covers the Colts. Daniel Jones working with the ones open practice later. Richardson with the ones. Neither guy lighting it up.

[Danny Kelly]

Both throwing interceptions left and right.

[Craig Horvik]

I really like old grizzled beat writer. Like negativity. Negativity. At this time of year, it's always the best because obviously there's like a ton of people who are, you know, sending videos of some guy warming up and be like, he's gonna be a problem. And then, you know, the old grizzled.

[Danny Heifetz]

Vets are just, dude, the more the guy who showed up to the Titans training camp and asked the GM one question, one question only. Do you think that this team can win the Super Bowl? Yes or no to the team that just had the number one pick in the NFL draft?

[Danny Kelly]

Dude. They all paused. They kind of looked at each and we're like, I mean, we have a lot of work to do.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, that's the worst record in the NFL last year. Yeah. That's incredible. The Craig. Any other ones?

[Danny Kelly]

This is so, so stupid. But I saw a tweet of Ted McMillan running through, like, the ladder drill on the ground, where you, like, shuffle through the ladder as quickly as you can back and forth. And somebody was like, they found a guy in Ted McMillan. And I was like, the best is Craig.

[Craig Horvik]

The video is like, the video is looking through practice. Like, it's like the other side of.

[Danny Kelly]

The entire long lens. The other field.

[Craig Horvik]

Like, there's like people in the foreground.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Craig Horvik]

Practicing. And then there's Ted McMillan running a ladder.

[Danny Kelly]

And then he catches the ball.

[Craig Horvik]

Did you see him catch the ball with one hand?

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah, I did. After the ladder. Barely even looked at it.

[Craig Horvik]

I mean, come on. On the other hand, one of the.

[Danny Heifetz]

First fights we had as a. On a podcast was I, I, I very, I have a very short fuse for these videos, and I think some up, like, slop from the trough.

[Craig Horvik]

Do I, do I really?

[Danny Kelly]

I do. For sure. I love it.

[Danny Heifetz]

This was an early fight candy.

[Craig Horvik]

I think it was. If I, if I'm remembering correctly, it was like a guy coming off an injury. And I was like, look, he's moving fast. That's good.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's like super part of the job.

[Danny Kelly]

It's complete empty calorie bs. But I, I love it. You know, it's dessert for me.

[Danny Heifetz]

I just, it just. I, I just, I just, I should probably just let people be happy. But also.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, you, you're the one who always says, don't yuck my yum pal. Little hypocrite over here.

[Danny Heifetz]

I'm a, I'm a. I'm a summer camp video y. Yum yucker. 100%. I'm just sitting here like, oh, football players played football crazy.

[Danny Kelly]

If it feels the same way about training camp clips as Happy Gilmore does about that clown 100.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yes, I do hate clown.

[Craig Horvik]

All right, hold on. There's one more. This one doesn't have anything to do with practice, but they. The Browns on a large barge out in the water. I guess assuming it was somewhere near training camp practice, unveiled, probably a lake, a new helmet. And it was like this giant blown up helmet, the size, you know, like 25ft tall or something like that. And there's. You can see, like off in the distance, you can see a guy's videotaping it. Like probably one of their social teams videotaping on this barge, the unveiling of this big ass thing. And he just falls off the barge.

[Danny Heifetz]

So was this real?

[Craig Horvik]

Make this stuff up.

[Danny Kelly]

It is real.

[Danny Heifetz]

My first question was whether, you know, how. First take yesterday, the day before got got. And they played at George Pickens catches touchdown in end zone. But it was a different player from last year's training camp, and they didn't know. And they led ESPN with it.

[Danny Kelly]

No way.

[Danny Heifetz]

And so I watched that dog video. I'm like, I wonder what year this is from? And I just kind of kept scrolling. But then actually, the guy got knocked off.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah, like, he kind of was.

[Craig Horvik]

Well, he know. He just was not paying attention and he fell off.

[Danny Kelly]

Also, like, I kind of think we're going a little bit overboard on, like, unveiling alternate helmets. Right. Okay. We have.

[Danny Heifetz]

We have a. I actually love the alternate helmet thing because they didn't let teams change the helmets for so long. I don't actually. Sick that they do it now.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't mind that. I like the idea of wearing alternates, but, like, they're unveiling an alternate helmet that you're probably going to see once this year called the Alpha Dog, and it's just a brown helmet.

[Danny Heifetz]

And I'm like, okay, that's a Beta Dog energy.

[Danny Kelly]

It's tough. The Browns are in a sticky situation with their, like, jerseys because they. They, like, have kind of the worst color combo and the most boring helmets. There's not a lot they could do.

[Craig Horvik]

You can add, like, stripes to. To the jersey and stuff.

[Danny Heifetz]

Okay, let's do Happy Gilmore. It's time. This is the dumbest thing we do, but every year we kind of just pick a movie and we do movie quotes.

[Craig Horvik]

And that explain the fantasy football season.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's not that deep. But you know what? It's surprisingly effective because sometimes you don't need all the stats in the EPA per play. You actually just need a player. You're on the. You're on the draft board. It's going tick, tick, tick, and you have eight seconds left. And you're like, oh, yeah, you're right. This guy sucks.

[Danny Kelly]

Right?

[Danny Heifetz]

I forgot. And then you remember the quote, because men can't remember stats, but they can remember quotes. So, dk, it is only right if you lead us off here, because, yeah, you're like Chubbs number one. You know, you're kind of the grizzled old vet.

[Danny Kelly]

You're pretty sick, Chubbs. I got that bastard's eye, though.

[Craig Horvik]

The. Okay, I don't know which one to start with. I'm just going to start with this one. The scene where Kevin Nealon's character comes up to Happy.

[Danny Kelly]

God damn it, dk. That's my top quote.

[Danny Heifetz]

The.

[Craig Horvik]

Kevin Nealon, just, like, he's really into, like, you know, hokey stuff. I don't know what to even. How to even explain what his philosophy is.

[Danny Kelly]

Good vibes.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, good vibes. He's down the entire pressure. You gotta rise above it. You gotta harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness energy, block bad. Feel the flow, Happy. Feel it? It's circular. It's like a carousel. You pay the quarter, you get on the horse. It goes up and down and around. It's circular circle with the music.

[Danny Kelly]

All goes up, down, and around. Circular circle. I love that. Circular circle. Circle with the music.

[Craig Horvik]

You get on the horse. I just picture Aaron Rodgers, like, introducing himself and bothering all the Steelers rookies with his new age mumbo jumbo. And they just walking away going, psycho, psycho.

[Danny Heifetz]

I literally had the exact same.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, mine for that quote was. Was Ben Johnson going up to Caleb Williams this year, and he's like, oof. Yeah. I feel a lot of good, solid energy coming out of you. Good, positive aura. Great, great. It's all great. A lot of pressure. Block it out. You got to rise above it. Caleb Williams is like, jesus Christ. This guy doesn't blink.

[Craig Horvik]

The ball has its own aura, its energy. It's a life force, if you will.

[Danny Kelly]

Dude, that's like, all time. The era in movies when it was just like, the friends of these SNL cast members just showing up for a scene. And he just, like, probably improvised that whole thing, him saying, circular circle with the music.

[Craig Horvik]

It's like a carousel.

[Danny Kelly]

It's just good. They probably did, like, five takes of that, and that one was the best one. And it is so funny. I think Happy Gilmore has one of the heaviest, like, Dion Waiters categories, where it's like somebody who shows up for.

[Craig Horvik]

Two minutes and just crushes, oh, 100%. I didn't actually have a quote for this, but rewatching the movie last night, I had the realization that Happy Gilmore's ex girlfriend, Terry, she is the ultimate Dion waiters. Like, she comes out firing fucking gas the whole time. She, like the initial scene where she's, like, leaving. She's getting on the elevator to go. She's like, bye. When are you. When are you coming back? Never.

[Danny Kelly]

I love it. It's, like, so random. Like, it doesn't seem like they just had a fight. It's a very normal day. And she's like, never. See ya.

[Craig Horvik]

Bye. Never.

[Danny Kelly]

There's one problem. Happy you're not any good.

[Craig Horvik]

Whatever happened to that actress? I don't feel like I've seen her in anything.

[Danny Kelly]

No idea who that is. Dude, I think the guy who just looks. The guy who said Grizzly Adams did have a beard and then like he just pops up throughout the movie shaking his head back and forth. That guy crushes. Yeah.

[Craig Horvik]

He's a professional golfer, isn't he?

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, is he?

[Craig Horvik]

Let me check.

[Danny Kelly]

I know there's a lot of them in the movie, but a lot of the guys I don't recognize. That guy's great.

[Danny Heifetz]

What is that guy's name? Lee Trevino.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Which I didn't know that when I watched it like the first 100 times, but he's there.

[Craig Horvik]

He's there when Chubbs falls out the window.

[Danny Heifetz]

So the Rogers thing, I, I was thinking about this. I mean, I'm not going to draft Aaron Rodgers in fantasy football. Like if you have a two quarterback league, you can take them obviously toward the back. But I, I was thinking about him mostly with DK Metcalf. And I was looking at our rankings. So in our updated rankings, which. So again, the link. Episode description is link. We have to get Metcalf 54th. And I was interested that actually I am higher, like significantly higher than Danny Kelly on DK Metcalf, which is funny because I actually think the me shit talking DK Metcalf is the single most triggering football related thing I've ever said to Danny Kelly. I've never made him angrier than just saying over a text, DK Metcalf overrated. And then I got like 12. He did pro football reference searches and was typing out the. He wrote like a column for the ringer.

[Craig Horvik]

I threw some stats at you.

[Danny Heifetz]

Mad at me.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

So I was shocked that it was 15 spots later. And I ultimately kind of came to the fact that I feel like where you rank Metcalf is just a referendum on. Do you believe in Aaron Rodgers, Steelers, yes or no? Yes. Metcalf is underrated. No, he's overrated. Dk, Is that basically why you're low? You're out on the Steelers and Rogers?

[Craig Horvik]

I just worry that Rogers and Metcalf are not going to be on the same page in a lot of cases because Metcalf, circular circle.

[Danny Heifetz]

What is, what is there to miss?

[Craig Horvik]

You put it in the quarter, you go on the horse, it goes up and down and around. Circular, round circle with the music, the flow.

[Danny Kelly]

All good things.

[Craig Horvik]

I actually like, ironically, like, kind of love Kevin Nealon's character in this I, like, want to be friends with him.

[Danny Kelly]

When Happy's like, doing well and like doing the, like the dance around the grain, it just cuts the Kevin Neal and he goes, feeling it, doing the.

[Craig Horvik]

Full dance, feeling the flow, working it, working. It's so good too. And he's like, why don't you send him home? Send him home.

[Danny Kelly]

Bags are packed. He's got his airplane ticket.

[Danny Heifetz]

So you basically don't think. You don't think Metcalf is. Is that a polite way of saying these personality is going to clash? Is that a polite way of saying Metcalf oriented receiver and Rogers demands guys be exactly like, why don't you believe in that combo?

[Craig Horvik]

That the. The latter more than like the personality thing? I'm not too worried about the personalities clashing. As much as we make fun of Aaron Rodgers, um, I'm more just stylistically like you said, Aaron Rodgers wants the guy to be where he's supposed to be exactly at the right time. There's so much, you know, going back to, like, devonte Adams. So much of it is this really just unspoken connection that they have where they seem to know, like immediately without having to actually do use any verbal communication, like what to do in any certain situation against any coverage. You know, I'm going to go this way. And he just knows it. They. They had that. That strong of a connection. I don't really know if I see DK Metcalf being that detail oriented at this point in his career. And so I just think he's going to be really volatile. You know, he's already kind of a volatile player, even, you know, when he was with Russell Wilson and Geno Smith. And now just. It's gonna. There's gonna be some highs and lows.

[Danny Kelly]

See, I think the more interesting angle here is DK and I both have similar thoughts about DK Metcalf based on our rankings. Heifetz, you're the one who's higher. I think the consensus is that we have a lot of questions about this offense.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Metcalf style. With Aaron Rodgers style clearly don't work on paper, but you have him a lot higher than us. Why?

[Danny Heifetz]

I do. And the. And it's a good question. And the answer isn't necessarily because of DK Metcalf. The answer is because I think that there's like a couple clear tiers to me of players. I think that there's, you know, you know, you can count the top two, three, whatever. Saquon, Jamar, Chase, whatever. It's not. But I think there's an incredible top. Let's call it 25 players. And you could, you know, there's a top 12, there's top 25, whatever. But I'm so happy. If I get three of the top 25 players, I would be, like, overjoyed. Which basically is the top eight running backs. It's like Saquon through Achan or Ashton Genty. There's, you know, Jamar Chase at receiver through all the way to like, Drake London, AJ Brown, Lad Bikonki. So that becomes like almost 20. Got Trey McBride. That's like 20ish guys. And then I like the four quarterbacks. I'm higher on the four quarterbacks. That gets you to 24, 25 if you include Jonathan Taylor. And then there's like a second tier of guys where I'm like, happy to have. And that's like the Josh Jacobs, Chase Brown, Kyron Williams, Bucky Irving. And then there's like Tyree Kill Jackson, Smith and Jigba, Mike Evans, T. Higgins, Breeze Hall. And so that to me, George Kittle is in there and that creates like a top 40. I have between 41 and like 70. They're all the same to me. Like, and I know, not literally, but like 41 to 70. DK Metcalf, I have 42nd, but me, to me, it's more like I, you know, we have Calvin Ridley 54th and we're hiring him. I'm like, dude, you could. I could totally see Calvin really be better than DK Metcalf from week one. Like, like the stretch run of the race. And I think Metcalf, I'm more just like, apathetic about that group of receivers there because they all have upside but could go wrong. Like, they're all kind of weird there. Ted McMillan's a rookie. I have. I'm high on him. Garrett Wilson. I like Garrett Wilson a lot, but it's Justin Fields. It's like there's all these weird things. I probably should move Garrett Wilson over Metcalf, but I, I just. That group of receivers is so squishy, especially now that Rashid Rice is going to get suspended. So I don't know. That's a lot of word salad. But overall, that, that group.

[Danny Kelly]

So basically you could care less about that group. They're all jumbled in the same too, honestly.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, I don't, I don't want to be like, picking a ton. I don't know. I feel like they're. I'd rather be like, like getting the 10th receiver out of there than the first because I don't want to reach. I hope I get. I'd rather get a Marion Hampton for the Chargers. That's not a great answer, but anyway, I probably should move down because I don't want to be on this Steelers bandwagon. All right, Craig, give us the Alpi Gilmore quote here.

[Danny Kelly]

So the quote we, we bring up all the time, one of our favorites here on the show is the oh, yeah, what, do you finish dead last? No, no. Yeah. He had a good day, though. Shooter McGavin.

[Craig Horvik]

I was too busy winning.

[Danny Kelly]

I was thinking about, like, Justin fields now getting 17 games as a starter and being like this, like, rushing phenom, kind of like the Happy Gilmore drive, where it's like, that's kind of all he can do. And I'm just imagining, like, end of the season interviewing Mahomes, and it's like, man, you got to Admit, Justin Fields, 1300 yards rushing, pretty impressive, right? And Mahomes like, oh, yeah, yeah. What? The jets finished dead last? No, no. Yeah, yeah. He had a good day, though. I just love the, like, idea that Justin Fields is in this tier in fantasy, like Anthony Richardson was last year, where he's clearly the outlier in terms of skill and talent, but the rushing is the 450 yard drive.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

So it's just like absolutely no matter what puts him in the top 10 because he can fucking drive the green every time.

[Danny Heifetz]

It is like the meme of the two dragons that are looking all fierce and then Justin Fields is like the dopey dragon that probably shouldn't have a starting job. And it's like, damn, Patrick Mahomes is.

[Craig Horvik]

All mad at, like, everyone who loves Justin Fields in fantasy. They're like, damn, you people. Go back to your shanties.

[Danny Kelly]

This is golf, not a rock concert.

[Craig Horvik]

I love how Many times shooter McGavin says this is golf in the movie. Excuse me, excuse me.

[Danny Kelly]

This is golf.

[Craig Horvik]

Trying to find my ball. This is golf.

[Danny Kelly]

This is golf.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's not a rock concert. I had the same. I had a similar thing, Craig. I had that with Jalen Hurts somehow being behind Jaden Daniels in Fantasy and like, we're actually higher on. So we have Jalen Hurts fourth. I have him third, you guys, I'm fourth. But we have them all, like, top 30.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Jalen Hurts and ESPN, Yahoo, mostly wherever you look. Jalen Hurts is almost 40th. He's like 38th. And I had the same quote of the Jalen Hurts. Like, oh, sorry, I was too busy winning. And there's this whole meta conversation going on now. It's like, is Jalen Hurts being disrespected? Because Eagles fans get pissed when you're like, jalen hurts is not as good as Lamar Jackson or that's the only thing they have.

[Danny Kelly]

They have to be mad about something. It's like, you just won the Super Bowl. You have the best team we've seen in five years. You destroyed the fucking Chiefs and Mahomes and everyone's like, yeah, but you guys don't respect Jalen Hurts.

[Danny Heifetz]

I know.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

But the irony is Jalen Hurts is actually being disrespected in fantasy football because Jalen Hurts. I, I love Jaden Daniels and I, I get why Jaden Daniels is going ahead of Jalen Hurts. Although I disagree with it. But the idea that like Breeze hall would be taken ahead of Jalen Hurts. I mean, Jalen hurts. Fun fact, player. Like, do you know who has more active career rushing touchdowns than Jalen Hurts? Derrick Henry and Josh Allen. That's it. Like straight up.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. Like really, if you include the playoffs, Jalen Hurts. Wild.

[Danny Kelly]

Really? What a tremendous looking trophy you got there.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yes.

[Craig Horvik]

Wow.

[Danny Heifetz]

But the Jalen Hurts if you just count games that matter. So you take out week 18, but you include the playoffs, Jalen Hurts has 52 rushing touchdowns in 53 games.

[Danny Kelly]

Wow.

[Danny Heifetz]

And one of those was the one versus Washington where he played 11 snaps and then left the game. So it's actually 52 touchdowns in 52 games. And I'm like, we have seen Jalen Hurts points per game at like 22 for five different seasons. And Jaden Daniels just does it once. He had had less than 13 rushing touchdowns in four seasons. He's the most consistent game to game player of our entire like maybe ever Josh Allen season. His season is the most consistent player. But g, week to week, Jalen Hurts to score a touchdown is the best bet you can make. And I just think in this joke of a sport we play where it's impossible to predict, the idea that the most predictable single player in the sport is going to go 38th is fucking crazy. It's like, sorry, you're too busy winning.

[Danny Kelly]

I also think that, I think there is some regression coming for the Eagles where in fantasy could actually help Jalen Hurts. Where I think, I think his goal line role is not going anywhere. You have the added bonus specifically for his case in fantasy that Saquon, coming off his workload, you're not necessarily sure if you'll get 17 games out of him, which helps Jalen Hurts more inside the red zone, but also just like The Eagles ran it at a historic rate last year. Like, historic rate. And that stuff usually doesn't repeat. I think there is natural regression coming for Jalen Hurts just passing the ball. And for the. For Devonte Smith and A.J. brown, if the defense is a little bit worse. I mean, the Eagles were, like, not losing last year in any games. They, like, they ran the ball more than any team in a long time. And so I think just the passing upside mixed with the rushing stability of Jalen Hurts potentially could make him even better this year.

[Danny Heifetz]

I totally agree. Yeah. So good luck with Breeze. Hall finished dead last.

[Danny Kelly]

1300 yards, though, right? Hell of a rusher that Justin Fields. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Craig Horvik]

Four and twelve, the golf journalists. You gotta admit, though, hell of a drive. He's got 450 yards.

[Danny Kelly]

I want to live in a sports world like Happy Gilmore.

[Craig Horvik]

Same.

[Danny Kelly]

You know what I mean? It seems so pure.

[Craig Horvik]

Whatever his name is, Shooters, like, has his back to the crowd when he's, like, getting interviewed at the first the Waterbury Open. And then he just turns around, he's like, even though not all of you will be my colleagues, you are all now my friends.

[Danny Kelly]

I also love that.

[Danny Heifetz]

And everyone's like, aw. It's also Aaron Rodgers walking into the Steelers building.

[Danny Kelly]

I love that at the beginning of that interview, like, the tour director or whatever who introduces him, you can just like, see Dog Shooter standing with his head down behind him.

[Craig Horvik]

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Like, he's like fucking Robert Downey Jr. Coming out at Comic Con.

[Craig Horvik]

By the way, why does the tour director Doug Thompson look just like David Miscavige? Or Miscavige or whatever?

[Danny Heifetz]

Doug McCavich, the baseball player?

[Danny Kelly]

No, the Scientologist David Miscavige.

[Craig Horvik]

Sorry, I messed up his name.

[Danny Kelly]

David Miscavige or Miscavige.

[Craig Horvik]

Miscavige.

[Danny Heifetz]

So that wasn't my fault, okay? I don't know who that guy looks like. You tell me.

[Danny Kelly]

He does kind of look like David Miscavige.

[Danny Heifetz]

Is this some famous actor?

[Danny Kelly]

He runs the Scientology church.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, the. The director of Scient. Oh, the director of itself, yes.

[Danny Kelly]

Number one.

[Danny Heifetz]

You know what? I was gonna make fun of you. Does look like that.

[Danny Kelly]

He does look like him. That's the other guy we make fun of.

[Danny Heifetz]

Like, we can't make fun of this guy, right?

[Craig Horvik]

Kick him off the tour, Doug.

[Danny Kelly]

No, we can't make fun of him.

[Danny Heifetz]

No, David. Yeah, he's doing great work for the church. Doing incredible work.

[Danny Kelly]

That Doug guy's great, too. Everyone in this movie is like, Very good.

[Craig Horvik]

Perfectly cast.

[Danny Kelly]

I I think this movie is genuinely watching it again for like the 100th time. I think it holds up so well directed and tightly written the Happy paying.

[Danny Heifetz]

Off the house with the subways or trying to with the subway money and doing the subway commercial was held up really well. You know what else I like a random thing I thought about that held up really well. The sound that they do with with the with Happy's drives when he hit.

[Craig Horvik]

The sounds like a jet.

[Danny Heifetz]

I didn't realize how much that's like burned in my brain but like that sound is perfect and I didn't realize how much I try to my brain like wishes that would play when I hit a golf ball dude.

[Danny Kelly]

I even think the camera work of the ball like it's good through the course or through the neighborhood in the beginning of the movie is I got chills.

[Craig Horvik]

I'm embarrassed to that he should have been standing there. The part where when he's like come over here and try and out drive the amazing golf ball whacker guy one of his shots is like going up into the net at like 400 yards.

[Danny Heifetz]

I'm like it's so on that note I want to take this moment if you guys feel the same I the entire as I'm re watching this movie for this episode. The whole movie is basically about Anthony Richardson. Like I think I had seven different things I could have used for oh.

[Craig Horvik]

Man, that was so much easier than putting I should just do that every time him like throwing off his back foot an 80 yard touchdown.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah. He's like that was so much easier than just trying to check it down to Jonathan Taylor.

[Danny Heifetz]

Anthony Richardson's 48 career completion rate and he's like that just just tap it in. Just tap it and just tap tap. I'm gonna watch Anthony Richardson now. I'm gonna be like tap, tap, taparoo, taparoo.

[Danny Kelly]

His bags are back. Just send him home that goal regulation sized or what.

[Craig Horvik]

Damn it.

[Danny Heifetz]

But the whole the whole like literally Chris Ballard the Colts GM scouting Richardson is the beginning with the hockey and they're like you know he can't really scare skate can't really handle the puck but man the strongest shoot. Oh my God. But yeah I I've ranted enough about Richardson but I I I do my.

[Craig Horvik]

I had that written down too.

[Danny Heifetz]

I my short pitch is just I think he's the best fantasy bilo asset ever because he's basically free. He's not being drafted. You should take him one pick before your defense and your Kicker and then if he doesn't get the job, cut him. But if Anthony Richardson gets the job and plays well on week one, like that's a difference. Just again, it's free. It's like you'll cut him for some running back backup who gets hurt after week one, like, it's fine.

[Danny Kelly]

But I just think maybe hockey is. Maybe Anthony Richardson's football is Happy Gilmore's hot.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, my God. We read Happy Gilmore 3 is Anthony Richardson plays hockey. Mighty Ducks 4 Happy Gilmore 3 crossover.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's actually pretty good.

[Danny Kelly]

It's not bad.

[Danny Heifetz]

Write that down. Kai, cut that out of the show. We have to pitch something. Yeah. There's so many Richardson ones. I all. It was all I could think about during the movie. Dk. What else you got?

[Craig Horvik]

This is something that you've brought up. Hiit. So I don't feel bad saying it again, but the Bryce Young playing horribly last season, kind of going off the rails when I. When during. I think it was the last tournament, the Tour Championship. Happy gets hit by the car and then he starts like he can't do anything and he tries to go to his happy place and it's just like a nightmare.

[Danny Heifetz]

Out with his girlfriend and then his.

[Craig Horvik]

Then his grandma and then forgot that they're like.

[Danny Heifetz]

They're French. Gavin's French kissing the grandma.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah. And then he like starts like sucking on the. Like, yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, the kiss.

[Craig Horvik]

Sucking on the kiss.

[Danny Kelly]

Tongue.

[Craig Horvik]

And then have. He just goes, ah. I'm like. That was pretty much where Bryce Young was at one point last year. He managed to. Because as hypers as you said is. Is on the record tyres Maxi was dating his girlfriend.

[Danny Kelly]

He had a tough time.

[Danny Heifetz]

I'm so jealous of that. That's Ty Maxi just walks in, kicks over the beer, starts making out with his girlfriend and Bryce Young's grandmother.

[Craig Horvik]

The happy. The happy place stuff is so fucking funny. Like, obviously, you know Julie Bowen and.

[Danny Kelly]

That meant a lot for me when I was 10.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, Craig. That's memorable moment for men of a certain age. Craig meant a lot that among other things in that mental image. I think I. I realized watching this run of Happy Gilmore that. That exact thing of her carrying the beer in his, like, daydream like she's going through this because I was like with two.

[Craig Horvik]

Two fucking kegs or two pitchers of beer.

[Danny Heifetz]

Two pitchers of beer. And I realized that's in my mind's eye. My. You know, you have mental contact images for things that. That's my image of a picture of beer is her holding them like, that was the first time I think I'd ever seen a picture of beer.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, yeah, that's a great call. I. I think it's modern. Modern Family wouldn't have worked unless it was for Julie Bowen. In that scene of Happy Gilmore, every millennial was like, bowen, I'm in.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah. Also the part where Chubs is like, chin up, Abby. And then he's like playing the. He's like, I got my hand back. And he. We've only just speak.

[Danny Kelly]

He's a good voice. Carl Weathers. That sounds like actually him, dude.

[Craig Horvik]

It. I just like.

[Danny Heifetz]

All right.

[Craig Horvik]

I just, like, love this movie so much.

[Danny Kelly]

Legend Carl Weathers.

[Craig Horvik]

Yes.

[Danny Heifetz]

Dk. Wait. Panthers. Do you think Bryce Young stays in his happy place? This, like, do you buy it? Because I think.

[Craig Horvik]

I think the key. The key is him being able to stay in that happy place.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Is the new putter.

[Danny Heifetz]

He does ladder now. Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, Ted McMillan's the new. I. I think I would draft Ted. I think Ted is a good value because he's going to be the number one. He's going to play all the time. I do think Bryce is in his happy place. I don't know. I don't really want Chuba Hubbard. You can have him. It's fine. But I'm not gonna. I don't see that. I'm not. I don't see. I don't see the path to Chuba Hubbard being a top five running back. I could see technic villain being a pretty incredible receiver potentially. I guess I'm more willing to bet on Bryce Young being his happy place than Aaron Rodgers doing the circle, circle, circle.

[Craig Horvik]

The other thing that's ironic about this is it was Happy Gilmore got hit by a car, and that was like, kind of what led to this. But Andy Dalton getting hit by a car. He was in his car. So, you know, a lot of parallels. That is good.

[Danny Kelly]

There. Another Dion Waiters award winner. The heckler.

[Craig Horvik]

You help hit this butt, you jackass.

[Danny Kelly]

I think the new one, it's Eminem, and I'm like, what? I'm like, hey, shooter, want to go to the Sizzler? Catch some grub? He's just only wants to go to these, like, restaurants.

[Craig Horvik]

He wants to go to the Sizzler.

[Danny Kelly]

I just think about this.

[Craig Horvik]

Whatever happened to Sizzlers? Are they still around?

[Danny Heifetz]

I think they just went bankrupt.

[Danny Kelly]

I thought we were going to be friends. We are.

[Danny Heifetz]

I just remember when Hooters went bankrupt. Right after we talked about Hooters like two days, like a day later. And then Hooters came back because we saved it. Wow.

[Craig Horvik]

I think there are still Sizzlers. There's still a Sizzler website.

[Danny Heifetz]

Speaking of things, I understand. I love when places just go bankrupt, but then they just keep going.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't know how's that works?

[Danny Heifetz]

I don't know. I don't know how bankruptcy works.

[Danny Kelly]

I declare bankruptcy. Bankruptcy.

[Danny Heifetz]

Craig, give us another Happy quote.

[Danny Kelly]

This is a small one, but at the beginning of the movie when Virginia Vennett, great name played by Julie Bowen, meets Shooter and she's trying to, like, talk about her ideas and, like, things she has, it reminded me or it just made me think of, like, Brian Schottenheimer's first meeting with Jerry Jones. And he said, you know, it'd be.

[Craig Horvik]

Great is if I could get a Pepsi.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, my God.

[Danny Kelly]

I just have a lot of ideas about the offenses and what we could do, you know. Would be great, Brian, if I could get a Pepsi.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, and miss.

[Danny Kelly]

Absolutely.

[Craig Horvik]

Diet is so good.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Wait. On that note, I have a list of things that Shooter McGavin says in this movie that I thought Jerry Jones would say.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay.

[Danny Heifetz]

Happy's responses are like, Micah Parsons quote tweets. So I can imagine Jerry Jones. Like, I'm just picturing these as, like, posts on or Blue sky, if you will, or Twitter. But like, it's like, you see the quote and it's Jerry Jones at a press conference. He's like, I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. And Micah Parsons quote tweets it like, you eat pieces of shit for breakfast.

[Danny Kelly]

No, no. He nails that.

[Craig Horvik]

I was thinking that too. Craig. I don't know how many takes they did, but he, like, turns around and.

[Danny Kelly]

Goes, I'm telling you. No, I think the acting in this movie is like elite here. I really do. I think everybody knows their job. Even grandmother supposed to do.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yes, Grandmother's great.

[Danny Kelly]

Great. Everybody knows, like, even if it's cheesy, they know they're supposed to be cheesy. There are, like, certain lines that are supposed to read a little bit, like, more wooden. And they nail it. It's so good.

[Danny Heifetz]

I also forgot the Stiller's character. Like, they don't wrap that up. I always, I, I, I. In my head, I always think that that gets resolved and it doesn't, which is also funny.

[Danny Kelly]

Well, they get her out of the home, so it's like.

[Danny Heifetz]

I know, but he. Yeah, but the, the other one I thought Jerry Jones I could see saying is like, you're gonna beat Neo, right? And Grizzly Adams had A beard. It's like Chris Adams did have a beard.

[Craig Horvik]

Well, real estate speculation is one of my hobbies.

[Danny Heifetz]

The. But yeah, Jerry's. I love that we had back to back quotes about Jerry this week of Stephen Jones, his son, saying, yeah, Jerry doesn't talk to the agents. I talk to the agents. We don't let him do that. And then Jerry Jones also saying, basically, why would. You know, he. I'm gonna just read it because he had this whole rant about Micah Parsons.

[Danny Kelly]

I could see Jerry Jones buying Micah Parsons's grandmother's childhood home.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Just because he can.

[Craig Horvik]

That was my room.

[Danny Heifetz]

Perfect. But Jerry, Jerry, his rationale, they were like, why won't you pay Michael Parsons? Basically? Which, by the way, the answer is very simple. Jerry Jones likes free media. He doesn't want to pay for advertising. So he likes that everyone's talking about the Cowboys on the show. He thinks it's like a commercial that he doesn't have to pay for. Which is why he gets Dak Prescott's contract done at 11am on Sunday, week one. So it's just a show. So with that said, everyone's like, why are they. You going to pay him? You're going to pay him like, spoiler. They're going to pay him. And then Jerry Jones says, among other things, like, he's like, you ever heard of guy? He's like, a lot of things could happen. You could get hit by a car. You ever heard of guys committed to players of them not panning out, and then just paused as if that was the smartest thing anyone had ever said is like, you know, sometimes guys aren't good. And then he's like, just cause we signed him doesn't mean we're going to have him. He was hurt six games last year. He was hurt four games. I just. Yeah, Jerry. But yeah, I was. Everything Jerry says now, I'm just like, he's too old. He's so old. Him and his old. Yeah.

[Craig Horvik]

Anyway, one of his fans mooned me the other day.

[Danny Kelly]

Don't you think, though, Brian Schottenheimer, like, we. I. I think a big narrative of this offseason is all of the new play callers, all of the new coaches, the coaching carousel, all that stuff. Brian Schottenheimer just being the head coach of the Cowboys, one of the most famous. The. The most famous team in the NFL, I feel like is really not a story and nobody is discussing it.

[Danny Heifetz]

And that. And also Jerry wants it. That's kind of why he doesn't want someone to outshine Him. And again, I know that I sound like a, you know, armchair psychology, but this is the truth, is that Jerry won a lot with Jimmy Johnson in the 90s, and then Jimmy outshined him. And Jerry has wanted the winning, but he wants to be. He wants to be the one walking the locker room saying, how about them Cowboys? Like that. So all the coaches aren't supposed to outshine Jerry, so him and Parcels didn't work. Having said that, to your point, Craig, I actually think it's funny if you actually. Look, some of the coaches we made the most fun of have been the most successful when they were first hired. Dan Campbell at the kneecap biting Nick Sirianni just botching his first press conference. And I do think that, you know, as much as we do talk, I talk about Liam Cohen being the Jaguars head coach, Ben Johnson with the Bears. To your point, there is something to be said for Schottenheimer, who, you know, it's not as sexy, but, like, the same with Sean McVay's grandfather was the 49ers GM. And the same with Kyle Shannon's dad as Mike Shannon, you know, was one of the three most successful coaches probably last 30 or 40 years after, like, he's up there with. After Belichick and Andy Reid. It's like, you know, it helps that Brian Schaunheim's dad has been in this forever. And I'm like, I don't know. I wouldn't be shocked if, like, cop base competency is very underrated in all of this. You've got. He's got another head coach, Matt Eberfluz, running the defense, which I think could help. I don't know. Not gonna be perfect. But I just. I am bullish on the Cowboys. I'm bullish on them having these three Tylers on the offensive line. Like, they have Tyler Booker, they have Tyler Smith, they have Tyler Guyton. Like, if Guyton develops, I don't know, they could have another, like, big, young offensive line. I. I think it could work.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah. I see them a little bit like the. The. The Niners, only in that they had this kind of brief down year where a lot of stuff went wrong and everybody kind of hopped off the train. And now I think, like, I do think it's much more likely that we see the Dallas from 2023 than the Dallas of 2024 this year.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think that the key is whether George Pickens can unlock the offense, to which I thought of Adam Sandler. Like, when he's in the beginning, he's Playing hockey. And he's like, you know, during high school I played junior hockey and I still hold two league records. Most time in the penalty box. And I was the only guy to ever take off a skate and try to stab somebody.

[Craig Horvik]

Well played.

[Danny Heifetz]

George Pickens, baby.

[Craig Horvik]

Wow, that sounds. He also says that to what's her name? Victoria Bennett. Comes over to him after he wins. Oh, yeah, sorry, Virginia. And He's. She's like 450 yard drive. That must be some kind of or like hole in one on a par four. That must be some kind of record. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I have a hockey record too. I'm the only guy that tried to take his skate off and stab a guy.

[Danny Kelly]

I love his like when he talks about his ex girlfriend just out of nowhere with Virginia, he's like, you know, my ex girlfriend died. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

[Craig Horvik]

She's dead.

[Danny Heifetz]

I had that as the Giants when they got to talk to Matt Stafford first time. Oh yeah, yeah. Had a girlfriend. She died un impact off the cliff.

[Craig Horvik]

His grandma asks him about his girlfriend too and he's. He's like, yeah, she's dead. She got hit by a car.

[Danny Kelly]

She's dead.

[Craig Horvik]

She got hit by a. Yeah, she's dead.

[Danny Kelly]

I just love when they're like, they're out on the, on the like the ninth green prank. That shooter pulls on him and then he meets Virginia and then he's just like, you know, my girlfriend's dead. You know, she's like, okay.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh man.

[Danny Heifetz]

Dk, wait before next one.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Gun to your head. Who do actually is better points per game this season? George Pickens or DK Metcalf?

[Danny Kelly]

Pickens.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, I think so too. I feel pretty right next to each other, but I think everyone's very high on Pickens. It's weird because like I don't want it to work. It's on one hand like you're betting on one of those volatile guys in the NFL personally and also might not get that many targets. But I'm also just like, man, the Cowboys are going to throw it so much. Like the offense is going and the defense is probably not going to be that good and they're going to have to throw it a lot. And obviously they're not going to be necessarily a power running team. They have Miles Sanders and Javante Williams. Like the dak is the is. I almost said quarterback. No shit.

[Craig Horvik]

But I mean like even when DK Metcalf was traded to the Steelers and before Pickens was traded Away we were like, these guys are very similar style of receivers. Like, you know, probably pretty volatile week in and week out in terms of like the volume that they're getting, the touchdown. They're probably going to be touchdown dependent. Not, you know, they're like more like deep threat type guys. So they are very similar players, I think. But the offensive environment in Dallas is so much better than what it's going to be in Pittsburgh, almost surely. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Going to be more touchdowns. Like, they're just. Will.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

So, you know, obviously, you know, if.

[Craig Horvik]

He takes his cleats off and tries to stab a guy, then that's different, but. And, you know, he's trying to start fights after touchdowns. What was the context of that, Craig? I can't even remember what it was like, like late in the game and he's just like fighting in the stands with somebody after a. Yeah, I believe.

[Danny Kelly]

It was the last second Hail Mary, wasn't it? And he was just fighting a cornerback, like, in the. Behind the goal posts.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, Greg Newsom during the Hail Mary. Yeah, the Browns cornerback full on, just.

[Danny Kelly]

Like in a brawl. Love that.

[Danny Heifetz]

Greg Newsom invaded Russia in the winter.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's. I'm watching it now. It's even funnier than I thought. That's pretty incredible. All right, you have another one here.

[Craig Horvik]

One of the greatest scenes in this movie, it holds up so well, and every little aspect of it is so good, is when Chubbs tries to recruit Happy when he's in the batting cage. Like, that whole scene is just so good. But in particular, there's so. I'm guessing some of us have other quotes from that scene too. But, like, in particular, I was just laughing my ass off last night watching this because Chubbs's right arm is so clearly just his hand, his regular hand, like holding a very long wooden hand. His right arm is like six feet long. It's so funny when they, like, zoom out and you can see how long.

[Danny Kelly]

His arm is right before he dies in the scene. You see his full arm. It's like at his shoes.

[Craig Horvik]

And I was. I was just thinking, like, it reminded me of how. How Alvin Camara's two legs weren't the same weight. Also just. This is like, probably a stretch, obviously, but like, we. Alvin Camara and his two legs, they now weigh the same, right? They are the same length, allegedly, and weight. I feel like we have not mentioned Alvin Camara's name this entire, like, off season. What is your guys's take on what's going on with Camara, does he have another big time fantasy season in him or are you guys just kind of like, I'm not going to do anything with the Saints offense. I don't want to have any part of it. Even if he's a good value, it's just going to be too hard to predict how much they're not going to score any points. Blah, blah, blah. Where. Where are we on Alvin Camara? Because I feel like I'm a little. Still a little bullish on him.

[Danny Kelly]

I feel like every year he's kind of an afterthought at this point. But check my math. I think Alvin Camara was a top 10, if not like top seven running back last year in points per game when he was playing. And I mean the comp that everyone is giving, including UDK Tyler Schuck. The current Saints starting quarterback is Derek Carr.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Who's missing.

[Craig Horvik]

RB6 in points per game.

[Danny Kelly]

RB6 in points per game. I, you know, I think what Camaro, what he did so well was he scored so many touchdowns. I think he's, he's that like the Saints aren't going to be that team anymore, like that hyper efficient situation. But I do think in terms of just like volume and passing down work, like, I kind of think that there's a chance that it remains pretty similar to what he's got in the past few years. The touchdown side isn't going to be there, like. But again, I don't know how many touchdowns he scored last year. He was still putting up RB6 numbers. He's one of the most like, boring, unsexy picks. Which is so weird because I think Camara, I think he's probably favorite fantasy player of the last five years, but very underrated in terms of his just like weekly passing floor.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. So I think, I think in general you don't want running backs at bed. So teams, like, in general, you do not want running backs in bad teams. I expect the Saints to be a bad team. Dk, I think, you know, you keep. I don't know if you're half joking, you're half serious or what, but like, you kind of.

[Craig Horvik]

I'm just kind of being.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think if the Saints are average, like, you probably do want Camara, but basically I'm like, you know what? Every year you have players in terrible teams and I'm like, oh, someone's gotta get yards. I don't want guys who might have the worst team in the NFL. I'd rather the Saints be average. And I didn't know about it. Than thinking the Saints might suck and taking Camara. But however, Camara is the exception of the rule. If you're going to have a player on a bad team, you need a guy like Camara who's going to get all the goal line work and get to get all these catches. And you know, I mean you could usually set your watch to him having like 74 catches in a season or whatever. So if you're obviously you need half ppr, full ppr where Khmer is more valuable. So like that's the exception is someone who's going to dominate all the important high value touches. I think the reason I don't like Camara is for basically it's two reasons. Super famous players like that who've been around don't. You don't get discounts on them. It's a funny dynamic. I think like there's like no, I don't think so because I think there's, there's a Joe Mixon and then there's like an Alvin Camara. And I think the difference is Alvin Camara was a first round Alvin Camara was what you just said, Craig. If you're in a league. Alvin Camara came in in 2017 and was an incredible, was a league winner in 2017. So that is, we're coming up on this as his ninth season or whatever, that's eight years. So if you're in a fantasy football league, half the league has had Alvin Kamara and has fond memories of him. And I know that's a dumb thing to say, but the truth is he doesn't fall on the draft. People don't feel the way about fucking Joe Mixon or even James Conner necessarily. But like Camara people. So in like a league with your friends or whatever, Camara doesn't fall far enough where I'm willing to take on these two risks. The Saints are legitimately possibly the worst team in the NFL or the other thing I don't like unless the Saints are playoff contention commit, I don't know if Kamara has incentive to be playing in December if he's old enough where he's going to accrue injuries or whatever. But like I, you know, I don't know if Camara is necessarily going to be fighting through injuries or whatever to be playing and we 15, 16, 17, if he's banged up, they're going to shut him down. And probably that's a good point. Like, and that scares me so the combo of that I'm like, I, I'm happy to take Camara if He falls around, but I don't think guys like him do fall. I think they get pushed up. Actually.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't know. I would push back a little bit about his name brand value. I think he's kind of established himself as like an older guy who gets banged up. The team sucks. Like, I, I don't know if he still carries that reputation, but I could.

[Craig Horvik]

Be wrong right now in ADP. According to fantasy pros, he's the RB15 after, like we said, finishing as the RB6 last year.

[Danny Heifetz]

And I think that's. Yeah, it just was miserable. I don't like the bad vibes matter. Like, do you remember how upset he was during the season? Like, it's because he had 34 catches in three weeks and he was like, this offense is broken. It can't go through me. So I just look at that. I'm like, that's bad that he was crushing in fantasy through like fake receiving. That even he was like, this is not a real offense. I don't like that he's upset. Like, you know what I mean? I think that the bad vibes permeate Chris Olave. So I just. Oh, oh, I don't know. I don't want to bet on the Saints.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Danny Kelly]

Dive into an Italian summer with Dolce and Gabbana light blue. Visit Dolce Gabbana.com to discover more.

[Danny Heifetz]

This message is a paid partnership with Apple Card. If there's one thing I'm going to make sure I pack for my summer vacation, it's my Apple Card. I can earn up to 3% daily cash back on every purchase, including fuel for my car and booking places to stay. Plus, I don't have to worry about fees, including foreign transaction fees, which is perfect when I'm planning to travel abroad. To get an Apple Card for your summer travels, apply on the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval. Apple card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City Branch. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 18.24% to 28.49% based on credit worthiness rates as of July 1, 2025 Terms and more at applecard.com Got the bastard's eye though. Got that bastard.

[Danny Kelly]

He carries it around with him at all times.

[Danny Heifetz]

Are we gonna. Are we gonna take the low hanging fruit here? Yeah. Or we have got one eye. You got one up.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay, that's Justin Herbert. You got one eye.

[Danny Heifetz]

You got one eye. Well, did you see Justin Herbert has the red contact lenses? Yeah, it's like the laser meme with the seagull. He's Justin Herbert's red contacts like a psych.

[Danny Kelly]

They are. They're like. They're like not prescription. They're like tinted like sunglasses.

[Craig Horvik]

Wow. Weird.

[Danny Heifetz]

I actually think the new money polarized.

[Craig Horvik]

Are they like those glasses that change when you go inside or outside?

[Danny Kelly]

Bifocals. Is that what those are called?

[Craig Horvik]

No the. The ones that like transition lenses. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Transition. I was. I'm half joking but I think vision's the new money ball vision's like 30 of your brain in teams like I. I think they like they didn't really get their players eyes checked until very recently.

[Craig Horvik]

Wild thing Vaughn James Winston, the number.

[Danny Heifetz]

One pick in the NFL draft got Lasik four years into his career.

[Danny Kelly]

Didn't really help but no.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

No that was that he even was close is incredible.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah. There's just one problem.

[Danny Heifetz]

Not any good.

[Craig Horvik]

All you ever talk is about going pro in hockey. But there's just one problem.

[Danny Heifetz]

You.

[Craig Horvik]

You're not any good.

[Danny Kelly]

Do you. Are you guys buying any? Yeah. We all had the Naji Harris I thing did Are you guys. Because he's on the PUP list. Correct.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, it. Yes. Yes. He can't pass the physical.

[Danny Kelly]

Right.

[Danny Heifetz]

But we don't. We don't still really know what happened. Could mean a lot of things.

[Danny Kelly]

It's obviously still early but like once again my like lizard training camp late July brain is like maybe o' Marion Hampton will be more of it.

[Danny Heifetz]

A right. Yeah. I think I agree. I think it matters that he's not getting reps. Cause it's. Even if he's a veteran like the what. What new team? Not so much. Naji's not necessarily going to get the reps and that affects him because he's had so many. It's more. Omarion Hampton is going to get all these first team reps and that also means Kimani Vidal who I thought was, I mean maybe a cut candidate. Someone who could be receiving work early in the season if Najee's not able to play. But I think basically to me I think it accelerates the fact that Omarion Hampton could just be an incredible like league winning player because basically they're like, yeah, we were going to bring him and again they didn't even want to draft him. Aaron Hampton the charges try to trade back with the Eagles and Pro Football talk reported that the Eagles didn't call the trade right to the NFL office. So they didn't get it. So the Chargers were like two minutes left. Like oh my God. The trade didn't go through. And the Chargers had to take a Marian Hampton, but they didn't want to. And so now they're like. They're like, oh, we'll bring them along. We'll have Najee Harris. And now she has this eye thing. I'm like, okay, well, maybe Hampton just ends up being the bell cow from week one. And it's imperfect, but damn, he's good. And so maybe should be a top 20 player and you can be 45th.

[Danny Kelly]

I'm worried because I was originally, I was in the complete opposite spot about like, oh, Marion, Hampton's overvalued every. Like, he's such a good player, but Najee Harrison is going to be a thorn in his side. He'll be the starter for the first half of the season. And now I'm like, ooh, I don't know. Maybe o' Mary Hampton suddenly become undervalued.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, Hampton shows up for Najee. He's just like, hey, got that guy who sold you the fireworks.

[Danny Kelly]

That was, by the way, that window that Chubbs falls out of. I've never seen a lower window that's such. It's like at his shins.

[Craig Horvik]

It's, like, very conspicuously wide open. The whole scene is so funny how they set it up. He's got, like, the head in, like, a weird little box, like, in the middle of his living room.

[Danny Kelly]

Also, like, Carl Weathers feel. He's, like, genuinely so excited when he sees the box. Oh, this is going to be nice. I know.

[Danny Heifetz]

I actually got sad. I was like, oh, my God. I forgot how nice that was.

[Craig Horvik]

Until then chose Peterson's the best man.

[Danny Heifetz]

Speaking of people hitting windows, the other one I had the. When they're driving up to the nursing home and Happy Gilbert's driving his grandma, he's like, hey, grandma, this is the best. It's so nice. It's like a country club. The grass. You're gonna have the best time here. And the woman, get me out of here, please.

[Danny Kelly]

Get. And I just thought how to eat this.

[Danny Heifetz]

Leave us alone.

[Danny Kelly]

Rings on her.

[Danny Heifetz]

I don't know.

[Danny Kelly]

Why is he giving her food? Eat this.

[Danny Heifetz]

I thought that was Shamar Stewart showing up to training camp. And the Bengals are like, look, you can have the best time here. It's going to be awesome. And then Trey Hendrickson hops always like, get me out of here.

[Craig Horvik]

Mista the mista mista, lady. I had that one for Malik. Neighbors on the Giants.

[Danny Heifetz]

Get me out of here.

[Craig Horvik]

Sheil had a great tweet today. That was Giants offensive ranks from last year, D VOA 28th. EPA for drive, 29th. Success rate 30th. They are returning 10 of 11 starters. The only change is quarterback. And it's either Russell Wilson, James Winston, or Jackson Dart, who, as hypertened, threw a pick on his first play.

[Danny Kelly]

Do you think in the script Mista Mista was written and that she was the Mista mista lady? Or do you think she just did that? Or that was something they thought of that day?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, also just, like, in terms of physical comedy, him like, trying to fix the air conditioner unit in the window and just, like, tapping it on the side and then it going, like, flying out the windows is so good, you.

[Danny Kelly]

Know, that Mista Mista lady. I think I just also, she's, like, clearly not dead. It's like, on her stomach.

[Danny Heifetz]

She's moving.

[Danny Kelly]

She's moving in a way. I did think of Ben Johnson addressing the Bears on day one, just after reading all of the quotes from, like, DJ Moore and Roma Dunes about, like, how different the vibes are. And he's like, yeah, like, he's holding people accountable. Like, it was pretty lazy last year. I was thinking of Ben Stiller getting off the phone about the quilts he's gonna sell, and he's like, turn up your volumes, everybody. Great news. We're extending arts and crafts by four hours.

[Craig Horvik]

My whole fingers hurt.

[Danny Kelly]

My fingers hurt.

[Danny Heifetz]

Fingers. It's DJ Moore. My fingers hurt.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, you just booked landscaping. He's like, DJ Moore. You just booked special teams. Anybody else's fingers?

[Craig Horvik]

Special teams?

[Danny Kelly]

I didn't think so.

[Craig Horvik]

You just pulled special teams duty.

[Danny Kelly]

Anybody else's fingers hurt?

[Craig Horvik]

Why do you make me do that?

[Danny Kelly]

Why do you make me get mad.

[Craig Horvik]

At you in front of me that.

[Danny Heifetz]

I was like that?

[Danny Kelly]

Hey, Mr. Gilmore.

[Craig Horvik]

Wow, what a tremendous looking trophy.

[Danny Heifetz]

That's what he's like in front of the media.

[Danny Kelly]

Dude, that guy. That guy's the best.

[Craig Horvik]

Mr. Larson with a nail on his head.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. You can hardly notice it.

[Craig Horvik]

Terrific. The nail comes out next week.

[Danny Kelly]

Dude, there are so many lines from the movie that, like, every time you watch it, new lines stick out to you. Like, new jokes that I don't know why, but Larson is so good. And when shooters, like, you think you. Or Larson's like, you think you can hit the green from here, Shooter? He goes, that's not possible, sir. Just Larson going, I beg to differ. So good.

[Craig Horvik]

Gilmore accomplished that not an hour ago.

[Danny Kelly]

Go, dude.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, yeah. He talks like some Shakespearean Victorian English.

[Craig Horvik]

Child 2 Thus far, shooter. Oh, you can't.

[Danny Heifetz]

He's a gilded age. So he's like. But then he. The shooter's like, oh, congrats. You can count. He's like. And I. Yeah, you can count me seeing you in the parking lot.

[Danny Kelly]

Just like another fantastic character.

[Craig Horvik]

Craig, speaking of that, with, like, the lines that. That stick out, he was like. When he's beating up Shooter at the very end, he's like, stay still. Stop moving.

[Danny Heifetz]

And Shooter's like, ah, stay still.

[Danny Kelly]

A line. I don't think I ever really noticed until now. And I definitely didn't even think about or didn't register to me when I was, like, a teenager. Was during Happy's, like, hot streak. And he's bringing all the new types of people, new fans to golf. Vern Lundquist, in one of the intros to a tournament goes quite a large and economically diverse crowd here.

[Danny Heifetz]

I. I thought that was jumped out. To me, the germination of the dodgeball announcers was like, what if they talk like that the entire time? I thought that was so funny. The best part is diverse crowd.

[Craig Horvik]

It's at the Meob Inter Invitational. Craig.

[Danny Heifetz]

Michelob, you said it earlier, but the Go back to your shanties is, like, unbelievable.

[Danny Kelly]

Him hitting the beach ball and it's stuck to his putter.

[Craig Horvik]

So such good, like, such good physical comedy. The way he, like, tries to kick it and then he, like, comes down on it.

[Danny Heifetz]

God.

[Craig Horvik]

Another shooter, like, make. I think in a lot. In a lot of the scenes, they actually had shooter, like, putting. And you can tell, like, they weren't, like, CGI or anything like that. He's, like, sinking, like, big ass, like, long putts.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Craig Horvik]

And there's one, like. There's a couple, like, shooter celebrations. This is. This. I'm not. I don't have any, like, connection to this. But, like, shooters celebrations are all timers. Like, there's one where he, like, tosses the putter and then just holds his hands up and like, goes in a circle. He's like, does the shooting thing when.

[Danny Kelly]

He'S unraveling and his hair is kind of getting messy. And they throw the beach ball at him. That's all one take where he, like, hits the beach ball, settles himself, hits the putt. He's like, yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

So good. It's so good. You can tell. I feel like he really made it in the shoot. But we rewatch it. You feel like, baby, he was gonna. If he missed it, he was gonna be mad. But he made it. He was surprised.

[Danny Kelly]

He was like, the seventh take in a row or, like, the 20th take in a row. So he probably was happy.

[Craig Horvik]

Craig, that's such a good call. He hits the putt.

[Danny Heifetz]

He's like, chuckle that, baby. The other one that ages perfectly is. Is Happy Gilmore fighting Bob Barker.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, my God. Such a good scene.

[Danny Heifetz]

Unbelievable.

[Danny Kelly]

Did I stunts. Barker was just like, in that.

[Danny Heifetz]

You know what I thought the best? Obviously, it's like a famous scene and he fights Bob Barker. But you know what I thought the one that. Again, the details you notice is after Bob Barker is like, now I'm done, and kicks him in the face.

[Danny Kelly]

Now you've had it.

[Danny Heifetz]

Shadow boxing on the way out, he's like, like, he's like.

[Craig Horvik]

I feel like. I feel like Bob Barker has. He's been on. That's. That wasn't his first rodeo. Like, he's fought.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's been in fights.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, he's been in some fights.

[Danny Heifetz]

I also. That one, actually, the one thing that reminded me was I hope that's what's going to happen when Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll see each other again after the first game they play. It's gonna be like just Pete Carroll fighting Jim Harbaugh.

[Danny Kelly]

You know, Bob Barker has said that that is the number one thing he gets stopped for on the street or before he passed away, he was like, the number one thing people said to me is the price is wrong.

[Danny Heifetz]

I also forgot that he comes up, he's like, oh, you're the guy from let's Make a Deal. He's like, price is right. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, it happens.

[Craig Horvik]

Let's play some golf.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, my God.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, my God. It's so good. That fight scene. That whole fight scene is so good. He, like throws Happy on his back. He like does this move or just like when Happy gets out of water and he just, like, throws him on his back.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's like suplexism. Okay. You guys have other quotes a large.

[Craig Horvik]

In economically, I more just have.

[Danny Kelly]

I just want to, like, list quotes that aren't even related to the NFL. The other one that always jumps out to me every time I watch it, I always forget about it is when. When Happy's, like, going on his, like, expletive tirade. And it cuts to Doug in Virginia in the.

[Craig Horvik]

In the office, just swearing in the background.

[Danny Kelly]

And he's going on in the background. I love the brief pause and you just hear him go, peace, monkey shit.

[Craig Horvik]

I. Craig, I thought about it for a minute, and then I. I figured that we probably wouldn't be able to do it on the show, but I was going to Translate his entire tirade, please.

[Danny Heifetz]

This is Brian. Yeah, we'll make it NFL. Brian Callahan talking on the mic to Will Levin. When he throws behind his back interceptions.

[Craig Horvik]

It'S like 45 seconds long. And there's one where he's like, you play it like it lies you. He, like, walks away. He's, like, fighting some random guy.

[Danny Kelly]

I love when the first guy he beats up, like, earlier on in the movie, when the guy's like, that's about time. And he goes, yeah, it is about time. I mean, I wanted to make it. I just couldn't do it. The hockey fight.

[Craig Horvik]

Pulls his shirt over his head.

[Danny Heifetz]

Wait, ticket. Did you translate your tie?

[Craig Horvik]

No, I didn't do it. I figured it was a little too. A little too much even by my standards to go on a 45 second.

[Danny Kelly]

He.

[Craig Horvik]

He's like, I really. Because I really thought about it, because there's. But there's a section there where it's just bleeps for a solid, like, 25 seconds. Just like, it is.

[Danny Kelly]

Like, you get.

[Craig Horvik]

Like, there's nothing. Like, there's no context at all.

[Danny Kelly]

Suck my white ass ball.

[Craig Horvik]

And then he's just, like. Goes off for I don't even know how long. So good.

[Danny Kelly]

I also. I love when Virginia sticks it to Happy. I love, like, they're a good pair because she kind of, like, holds him. I love when she. When he's like, I'm a hockey player. And she's like, oh, really? What team do you play for? And he goes, easy. So fragile. Easy.

[Craig Horvik]

What team do you play?

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, really? What team do you play for? Easy.

[Danny Heifetz]

Also, of course, the best. I think, honestly, the one we quoted the most this year. Well, first, it's so funny when he's like, what's the winner get? $250,000. What does the loser get? $2,500. He's like, oh, so I get paid no matter what. And then. But he gets. The shooter, has the big check. He's like, I want my check now. And they're like, I don't have any checks for you, man. He's like, well, give me one of the big ones.

[Danny Kelly]

Do that. Do people have big checks? They give those out?

[Danny Heifetz]

No, because I just think people don't use checks now.

[Craig Horvik]

They have genmo.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. It's like, imagine, like, you can't have.

[Danny Kelly]

A big Venmo, even symbolically. I think they should. I. You know what I mean? Like, I think it'd be cool if after the super bowl, because teams get a bonus, right? It'd be cool if, like, the owner was standing on the podium, giant check that.

[Danny Heifetz]

That's smart. Because you know what? Eventually, I think it would. I bet, like, Kai's generation would be like, yeah, you get the big check. They wouldn't know that was, like, a real thing. Like, you had small checks. They actually would have no idea.

[Craig Horvik]

Take it to the bank. There was one section that just. I kind of had an epiphany. Watch it. Rewatching the movie last night where, you know when he gets sponsored by Subway and they. And then they, like, cut to, like, him making his commercials, and he's like, cold cut combo. I eat three every day. And then there's, like, a guy in the background. I swear to God, like, in high school, my buddy and I used to always reenact this scene where he would be like, hey, Happy, could I have one of those? And then it'd be like, coming right up. And he like, I think this is.

[Danny Heifetz]

The most quoted movie of our generation.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, my God.

[Danny Heifetz]

I really dig. Like, it's actually crazy the percentage of lines that when you watch, like, are. I'm like, oh, my God. My friends say that all the time.

[Danny Kelly]

I think, like, every scene has three lines I still remember.

[Danny Heifetz]

And Happy, even just things you don't know are coming or just remember coming. But he's. But he's just like the. Oh, Happy learned to putt. And I'm like. I think I've said that 5,000 times in my life.

[Danny Kelly]

100%.

[Craig Horvik]

But hold on. I'm not quite done with that. The epiphany I had is, in a way, art imitates life here or whatever. I actually turned into that guy kind of at the Super Bowl a couple years ago when Russell Wilson was sponsored by Subway. And, like, I was in the Kevin Clark. It was slow news day. And they were. He was interviewing Russell Wilson. And I, like, came up and I was like, essentially, hey, Russell, can I have one of those? And then he, like, signed.

[Danny Heifetz]

He signed.

[Craig Horvik]

Sandwich.

[Danny Kelly]

Coming right up.

[Craig Horvik]

We got a post in.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. Russ signed the sandwich for dk. And then.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, man.

[Danny Kelly]

Did anyone eat it?

[Craig Horvik]

No, I had. I just left my hotel.

[Danny Kelly]

How did they not. Subway and Adam Sandler should have done it or. And they should have done a collab and made a commercial.

[Danny Heifetz]

I have a feeling.

[Danny Kelly]

Made that as a commercial, I'm sure. I mean, the movie comes out in two days. I feel like it's everywhere.

[Danny Heifetz]

Go to any golf course right now, they're gonna have the Happy Gilmore balls. Like, it's everywhere.

[Danny Kelly]

I'm saying they should Do a Subway commercial of him recreating that as a real ad for Subway.

[Danny Heifetz]

I. I have a feeling it's been filmed. The other one I wanted to shout, the random moment that got me was just the Happy gets hit by a car and he's lying on the fairway and he can't move it. A doctor's there. And he's like, ah, you know, you're all right, but I would just keep off your. Stay off your feet for a few days. And Happy, he's like, I gotta finish up.

[Craig Horvik]

And I don't know, to hell with that. I gotta play.

[Danny Heifetz]

The doctor's like, fine. What would I know? I'm just a doctor. And he's British for some reason.

[Craig Horvik]

There's also. Yeah, there's also like a random British guy, like, announcing the players.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah, the starter guy is always like, Pennsylvania. Like, who is that guy?

[Danny Heifetz]

The only other one for me was just when he wins the Waterbury Open and doesn't give a. I was like, that's Scotty Scheffler, right? Like, Scotty Shuffler's just out here, like, winning, you know, just winning every golf tournament of the year. And Scotty Sheffield's just like, you know, winning last, like three seconds. I don't even know why we do this. Golf is meaningless. I can't. I find no meaning in this work.

[Danny Kelly]

He's like, you should play in the Waterbury Open.

[Danny Heifetz]

He's like, all right, yeah, I'll see you there.

[Danny Kelly]

What an iconic film. The music in the movie is so good.

[Craig Horvik]

The music is great. That's the other thing I was going to mention is like, makes the. Makes the movie.

[Danny Kelly]

The opening music. I can. I can perfectly hear, every time I think about it, all the transitions when they start a new golf tournament. It's like that Gary Glitter, like, it's so good.

[Craig Horvik]

Not to just, like, linger on all the great things that Shooter McGavin says. One of the all time great, like, movie villains. The line that I always say is, I did. He's like, no, I had to hit it off of Frankenstein's fat foot. He's like making. Making Shooter or making have you Gilmore played as it Lies or whatever, which is like so ridiculous. Where David Miskovich comes over. He's like, shooter's right. You gotta play it like it lies.

[Danny Kelly]

When the entire, like, camera tower falls on the green. They're like, you gotta play.

[Craig Horvik]

He's right. Shooter's got a point here. You had. He hit it off Frankenstein's fat foot. Your ball struck my foot. The scene where he's in subway and he's just talking to Virginia and randomly just goes good.

[Danny Kelly]

I hate that barker. I hate that.

[Danny Heifetz]

Hate that clown.

[Danny Kelly]

I hate that pop barker dude, don't I. I think Sandler has like, honestly like really good swing mechanics. Like that, that swing is impressive and like he's hitting the ball.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. Craig, you, you. You pointed out that a lot of great comedic actors are athletic and I can't get that out of my brain now because you're right. Like it. Look, you can tell he plays basketball or whatever just because it, it isn't distracting because like he's. The swing is like essential to the movie. It's not like a thing you can cut around. You know what I mean? Like it. It. You. It's. It. It's the furthest end of believability.

[Danny Kelly]

And I'm sure he did it 800 times on set and they only use the ones that worked. But like when he connects and you just see the ball go out of frame like that. None of that cgi like he's hitting those balls. I think think.

[Craig Horvik]

The sound is cgi.

[Danny Kelly]

The what?

[Craig Horvik]

The sound it makes when he hits the ball.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't think it is.

[Craig Horvik]

It's like a jet engine in the background.

[Danny Kelly]

Can I. Also we got another Dion Waiters Zamboni guy singing Amazon.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Like what a choice by the director.

[Craig Horvik]

That's like he's in the foreground. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's so good.

[Danny Kelly]

Lip syncing. It's just beautiful. It's so good. We're happy.

[Danny Heifetz]

Gilmar.

[Craig Horvik]

Anything? Friends listen to endless love in the dark.

[Danny Kelly]

Talk about your all time backfires.

[Craig Horvik]

Also I like how she's like you used to play ice hockey. He can't even skate.

[Danny Heifetz]

Shut up.

[Craig Horvik]

Shut up. I was thinking about Jerry, Judy Dontavian Wicks and Xavier Leggette during that scene.

[Danny Heifetz]

Your receiver. You can't guess.

[Craig Horvik]

Receiver. You used to play receiver.

[Danny Kelly]

Easy, easy. Oh yeah. What team do you play?

[Danny Heifetz]

I will say I want from one of you either a player who is going to learn to putt this year or the everyone's coming around.

[Danny Kelly]

Well, I'm not there.

[Danny Heifetz]

Someone you're out on or someone you think is going to happen around a.

[Craig Horvik]

Little myself in a world where Lamar.

[Danny Heifetz]

Jackson's unbeatable versus the blitz or Josh Allen is now the best decision maker in the NFL. Someone who's going to learn to Allah if Anthony Richardson is just good. Like a player that will learn to put or someone that you're just like. I'm not coming around. Kick him off the Tour.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, that's a really good question.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't know why, but in the back of my head, I don't even really believe this. But in the back of my head I'm like, I don't know if Roma Dunes is any good. Everyone in the Bears, it's so hard to like, know because last year was such a disaster. But there are a lot of underlying metrics that suggest he was like, fucking bad. But you're just ignoring it. And I don't know, part of me is just like, they just immediately came in and drafted a wide receiver and a tight end. D.J. moore is there. I'm like, what if he's just like, not that good?

[Danny Heifetz]

And. And Craig, you made the point last year that so robot the combine made such a point of he couldn't do the three cone drill in the. I think in the amount of time he wanted. So he stayed like two hours late until he got the time. And Craig, when in the middle of the season when Odunsey was bad, was like, you know, we never at any point considered that it was really concerning that he couldn't get the time he wanted with hours extra.

[Danny Kelly]

We thought that was a green flag.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. We were like, oh, cool. Look at him working hard. I'm like, he tried so hard on this. He can't get it.

[Danny Kelly]

It's like, happy showing up to hockey tryouts every year.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. He's just taking baseballs to the chest. Like 364 days. DK a dun in or out?

[Craig Horvik]

I'm in on a dun.

[Danny Heifetz]

Is there a player that everyone else is.

[Danny Kelly]

Everybody's coming around.

[Danny Heifetz]

Coming around. Doug, who's that?

[Craig Horvik]

He's ruining golf.

[Danny Kelly]

I saw two fat naked bikers having sex on 18. How am I supposed to chip that.

[Craig Horvik]

Kind of thing going on? Yeah, one of his fans mood me the other day. On one cheek it said H A and sure enough, ppy on the other.

[Danny Kelly]

I think it's the best movie ever made.

[Craig Horvik]

Perfect. The best movie ever made. Oh, it is really, really good.

[Danny Kelly]

Hi, Fitz. Do you have one who's your learn.

[Danny Heifetz]

How to putt a Dunesay isn't what I would have said, but you're right that like when I go to like when I have to click on them, I just don't. Don't like the place you have to click on them. I don't. So by that standard.

[Danny Kelly]

Man, I think Pickens and Fields are good candidates where everybody's just kind of like, they're gonna be great.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. You know, Fields, Fields. I'm. I'm the guy, like, coming around on fields.

[Craig Horvik]

Somebody. If he learns. If he learns how to throw. Oh, someone learned to throw.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think my answer would probably be, this is probably stupid, but It's Marvin Harrison Jr. And that's probably dumb, but I just. We have him back to back with devonte Adams. I'm hiring devontae than you guys. I can't tell you how much I'd rather have Devonte Adams than Marvin Harrison.

[Danny Kelly]

Jr. Oh, you're saying you're not in on him?

[Danny Heifetz]

Everyone's coming around to Marvin Harrison Jr. Well, I'm not. I'm not. I'm too scarred.

[Danny Kelly]

Doug.

[Danny Heifetz]

You have a guy like that.

[Craig Horvik]

I mean, when you said it, I was thinking of Fields. Like, if he. If he could learn how to throw, he would break fantasy football.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, yeah. Like, oh, that's a good. Happy. Learn to putt. That's right. That is a good one. Like, what it feels was just better.

[Craig Horvik]

And again, also Anthony Richardson.

[Danny Heifetz]

But yeah, I keep thinking about if Justin Craig. Can you imagine if Justin fields throws for 320 yards on the Steelers in Week 1 and the jets win, like, 41 to 17 1.

[Danny Kelly]

It's one of the most anticipated games. That means nothing really, to, like, the overall scope of the NFL narrative. But, yeah, I don't know.

[Danny Heifetz]

Sorry. Disproportionately important meeting this week. When we get.

[Danny Kelly]

Is it a bigger revenge game for Rogers or Fields.

[Danny Heifetz]

In. Fields is mine. Fields.

[Danny Kelly]

And Rogers is more famous. Rogers. I mean, Rogers is mine in his Right.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think that Rogers is the obvious answer.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Because Rogers, I think. But I would argue that the difference is for Fields, like, that was a chance at, like, having a career. Like, he start. Like, he went. He started what, 4 and 2 or 4 and 2. Yeah. And then I think Tomlin didn't want to play him, but I think other people did. And for them to go Owen five down the stretch, I think. And then they're just. They lowballed them. So.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah. But the Jets. Aaron Glenn flying Rogers to New York to look him in the eye and break up with him.

[Danny Heifetz]

Hey, Aaron, what happened to that quarterback you had?

[Craig Horvik]

Craig?

[Danny Kelly]

Holy.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, yeah. He died in car crash. Okay.

[Danny Kelly]

What a movie. Happy Gilmore. I'm terrified for the sequel.

[Danny Heifetz]

I know.

[Danny Kelly]

It's. It looks like it's one of those things where I feel like the movie was made so they could just make a trailer for it.

[Craig Horvik]

It's like a nostalgia. It's a nostalgia tour.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's a billboard doing this thing, too. I just couldn't believe how many Quotes that you could use, like. Like some Somebody's closer.

[Danny Kelly]

So good.

[Danny Heifetz]

Perfect. All right. If you have other great ones for Happy Gilmore Awards that you didn't get to email us quotes.

[Craig Horvik]

You know what the pathetic thing is? You've been playing golf your whole life.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, that one's so good. That's like a real dig.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah. Yeah, that is.

[Danny Kelly]

I hate that clown.

[Danny Heifetz]

He's laughing it up. He's having a good time.

[Danny Kelly]

Also, is it good coaching to take your challenged. Your putting, challenged player to a mini golf course? Do you think that's good or bad coaching?

[Danny Heifetz]

Great coaching. That's the mind thinking back to basics montage. It's great.

[Danny Kelly]

Back to. Is mini. Is mini golf back to basics for putting?

[Danny Heifetz]

That course was hard.

[Danny Kelly]

I wouldn't call that the basics of putting.

[Craig Horvik]

The part where. The part where he tries, he needs to go over, like, a drawbridge, and it just goes, like, clinks back and forth.

[Danny Heifetz]

The clown spits the ball back at him.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

You'Re gonna die, Cloud.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't see you laughing now.

[Craig Horvik]

So good.

[Danny Kelly]

Also, I don't even know how you make that putt on that hole. Like, when the building collapses, like, the road breaks.

[Danny Heifetz]

He was way too confident he could make the putt.

[Danny Kelly]

There's no.

[Danny Heifetz]

Just looked at it for five seconds and was just like, yeah, I'll just. I'll just do it now.

[Danny Kelly]

Rube Goldberg machine. This thing could have just chipped it.

[Danny Heifetz]

Through the thing, you know?

[Craig Horvik]

I know you guys are really worried about that.

[Danny Heifetz]

No, I, I. They did just accept the rule thing really quickly. I was like, yeah, I don't know.

[Danny Kelly]

I beg to differ. That's not possible, sir. I beg to differ.

[Craig Horvik]

I like how Shooter talks in the third person when he's, like, trying to fight Happy Gilmore in the bar that one time.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, I love Shooter.

[Craig Horvik]

It's Shooter's time. This is Shooter's tour.

[Danny Heifetz]

And then he just breaks the bottle, and he's like, let's face it, I'm out of the golf course.

[Danny Kelly]

I made it a golf course. Well, what's going on here? I was just trying to find the other half of this bottle. There's some over there. This podcast is brought to you by Carvana. Got a car to sell, but no time to waste. Hop onto Carvana.com to get a real offer for your car in seconds. All you have to do is enter your license plate, answer a few. A few quick questions, and if you accept the offer, Carvana will pay you as soon as you hand the keys over. They even offer same Day pickup in many cities. Save your time, score some cash and sell your car the convenient way to Carvana. Pick up times Mary. Fees may apply.

[Danny Heifetz]

This episode is brought to you by Diet Coke. You know that moment when you just need to hit pause and refresh. An ice cold Diet Coke isn't just a break.

[Craig Horvik]

It's your chance to catch your breath and savor a moment that's all about you. Always refreshing.

[Danny Heifetz]

Still the same great taste. Diet Coke. Make time for you time. Email [e-mail] if there's another quote that you think goes to the player or something that we should have done that we didn't do.

[Craig Horvik]

I might work on translating his swearing tirade.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh my God.

[Danny Kelly]

And next week we'll talk about Happy Gilmore too.

[Danny Heifetz]

We'll talk. Yeah, we'll talk about Happy Gilmore too at some point.

[Craig Horvik]

Is it on Netflix?

[Danny Kelly]

Craig? Yeah.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Sick.

[Danny Heifetz]

The so follow us on YouTube. Subscribe to us please. On YouTube it's Ringer Fantasy Football. And if you're listening to their platform, just go to YouTube and hit subscribe and then go back to where you're doing it because please also our rankings, if you want our rankings there at in the episode description, there's a link. So our rankings are there. And then you follow us on Instagram. Ring of Fantasy Football on Instagram and TikTok. Okay, a couple emails. Another thing, while we're doing all these plugs, we're bringing the Ring of Fantasy Football league back. We've mentioned this a couple times, but in case you haven't heard, we're bringing the Ring of Fantasy Football league back. So we're going to have a bunch of people from the ring are doing it. We're going to have a live draft at the end of this month. We're going to. But the most important part. Point, most important, important point of all, I don't, I think I still got it wrong. Important part of all is Bill Simmons and all these people. Someone's going to do a punishment. Whoever comes in last. Everyone's envisioning Bill doing it. Watch it. Be one of us. Like we're going to end up coming last, but we're trying to figure out and calibrate the correct punishment for this league. Something preferably humiliating, but also something people who have children would actually do. Which again, I can tell all the emails you send which one of you are like 23 and just look, you have to drink 30 beers in a day, right?

[Danny Kelly]

The 30 rack challenge, which I've Done. It's. It's a tough day. Yeah, it's fun for the first half, and then it gets pretty grim.

[Danny Heifetz]

We've asked people to email in ringer, fancy football, gmail.com, potential punishment ideas for the league. We're have a big mailbag. We're go through all them. But I want to read another.

[Danny Kelly]

We've received hundreds so far, but we're reading all of them.

[Danny Heifetz]

Thank you so much to everyone.

[Craig Horvik]

Wow.

[Danny Heifetz]

I want to.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, I thought you meant on the show.

[Danny Kelly]

No, no, Got it.

[Danny Heifetz]

So many. But I want to read one from Aaron.

[Danny Kelly]

Aaron.

[Craig Horvik]

A bone.

[Danny Heifetz]

This one, I think is a good. Another good example of creative but doable.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay. Because with the one we liked, I think it was Michael. I forget who submitted it. The loser. Drinking two cold cans of soup, eating two. Do you eat soup or drink whatever you want?

[Danny Heifetz]

Whatever you call consuming soup.

[Danny Kelly]

That is kind of in the right realm of what we're thinking.

[Craig Horvik]

It's in the ballpark.

[Danny Kelly]

Get crazy.

[Danny Heifetz]

You're listening to the show and your league is a punishment. You're like 35 or 40 and everyone's married and has kids, and you guys have a fun punishment. This is what we're talking about here. Yeah. So Aaron writes for breakfast. I have an egg over easy with little Frank's hot sauce.

[Craig Horvik]

And I love it. That's what I do.

[Danny Kelly]

One egg. Yeah, you don't see that too often. One egg. No, those two eggs, that's.

[Danny Heifetz]

I put.

[Danny Kelly]

I'll do one egg and just put.

[Craig Horvik]

It on a piece of toast. Craig.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah, well, that's true with toast, but on its own.

[Craig Horvik]

On its own. Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

That's one egg. Solo.

[Craig Horvik]

A little lonely.

[Danny Kelly]

That's a lot.

[Danny Heifetz]

So one egg over easy with no toast. It's just. That's a lot of yolk that's running out.

[Danny Kelly]

Nothing soaking up.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah. Get it. I like Aaron writes, in our league, which we started 13 years ago as a group of friends, is now full of married couples who all have children and responsibilities, which has made punishment, or any punishment that requires more effort than like an embarrassing license plate cover, impossible to enforce. So our new punishment checks all these boxes of embarrassment. Short time commitment, massive enjoyment, incentive to compete late in the season, etc. And our new. He says our new one is humiliating quick, and yeah, creates incentive. Our gym offers several typical workout classes. Yoga, body pump, Pilates, et cetera.

[Danny Kelly]

I'm already skeptical, but okay.

[Danny Heifetz]

However, my gym also has a twerking booty camp.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, wow.

[Danny Kelly]

You think Bill Simmons is going to do a twerking booty well, loser of.

[Danny Heifetz]

The league must participate in a twerking booty class in the outfit chosen by the lead champion. It has to be within the socially acceptable boundaries of the gym. So you can't. It has to be something you could wear at the gym. And it's fine. But we get to have photographic evidence of you doing this at the thing. And we could do photos maybe. No videos. I don't know. We'll figure it out. But humiliating quick. But I do. That's funny because it's like it's a genuine workout class. You have to pay to go. And I looked up at Los Angeles, there's a lot of these. It's not like stripper club. It's. It's gyms that have twerking booty camps. Boot camps. But it's booty camp.

[Danny Kelly]

Hilarious. But this will never, ever, ever happen.

[Danny Heifetz]

Come on.

[Danny Kelly]

There is no way Sean Fennesee or Chris Ryan are going a booty camp in la. Videotaping it.

[Danny Heifetz]

It's like an hour.

[Craig Horvik]

They're definitely not videotaping.

[Danny Kelly]

Videotaping it. Putting it out on social. Are you out of your mind? There's no way. There's no way. Hilarious though. Like, I hope people use that for their leagues with 22 year olds because that's awesome.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, I like that.

[Danny Heifetz]

I'm crushed.

[Danny Kelly]

I'm crushed. Come on. You mind. You thought that was in play. Come on.

[Danny Heifetz]

A man can dream.

[Danny Kelly]

I love it though. That's very creative and it's a good workout.

[Danny Heifetz]

All right, well there more context for what's going to work here. So emails from your fancy football. Gmail.com other ideas. I guess that's not good enough. No. To work offs. Fine. Maybe Bill will do the work off. You don't know.

[Danny Kelly]

Warning the conversation you're about to hear might be inappropriate for children's ears. You have been warned.

[Danny Heifetz]

We do. We need to make this like 2 seconds longer so they get to pause the thing if they're driving.

[Danny Kelly]

It's fine.

[Craig Horvik]

Okay. They've been warned.

[Danny Heifetz]

Okay. We asked other people for wrong websites because we were talking how cowboys.com did not go to the Dallas Cowboys website for a long time. Y and so we asked for wrong websites. Three quarters of the emails were about two websites. First. First one's from Pat who summed it up. There were. In my town there were two main good sports goods stores. Sports Authority and Dick's Sporting Goods. Without thinking about it, I went to dick.com.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, okay.

[Danny Kelly]

Sure.

[Danny Heifetz]

You can imagine who among us. So a lot of people have that problem, this one I did not know about. But we got Mark, Kirk, Alex, Eric, Brian. Like so many people email does this. I'm going to read Mark's email because I think it sums it up.

[Craig Horvik]

Mark.

[Danny Kelly]

Marky.

[Danny Heifetz]

Mark writes, when I was in fourth or fifth grade. So, you know, like late 90s, we were learning a little bit about the government. And so our teacher took us to the White House's official website, which is white house.gov. but this is the early Internet era. We don't really know to use the Internet. We were also 10 years old, so we all thought we should go to WhiteHouse.com. oh well, WhiteHouse.com at that time was a Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton themed porn website. And it clearly this happened to a lot because everyone has this story. Kirk, Alex, Eric, Brian. Like I can't even list all the names still there. They're all of the same story, which is they were learning about like basic civics, like how the government works in fifth, fourth or fifth grade.

[Danny Kelly]

They did.

[Danny Heifetz]

And they all went to WhiteHouse.com and it was like, you know, you can imagine.

[Danny Kelly]

Turns out they got one of the more accurate history lessons they've. They've ever had.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, it's the history they don't want to teach you.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah, right. That's what's really going on.

[Danny Heifetz]

So that's great. Dk. I feel like Lewinsky is the thing that I. I feel like I don't even know Kai knows who Monica Lewinsky is, to be honest.

[Craig Horvik]

Right, right.

[Danny Kelly]

Do you remember that happening?

[Danny Heifetz]

No. Honestly, I feel like I learned about it from Whose line is it anyway?

[Danny Kelly]

I don't. I don't have any memory. Was it. Were we alive? When did it happen? 93. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

No one was keeping us on the loop on that one.

[Danny Kelly]

Dk, do you remember that?

[Craig Horvik]

Yes, but not like a lot. I just remember it being a thing that people were talking about at the time it happened in 1995.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay.

[Craig Horvik]

I was one years old or then it was like. It was like it over a period of time. 95 to 98 is like when it kind of all went down.

[Danny Kelly]

Phrasing.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

On that note. Oh wait, the last. Sorry, the last one. I have to read an email from Nick.

[Danny Kelly]

Nick.

[Craig Horvik]

Nick.

[Danny Heifetz]

The many stories like this.

[Danny Kelly]

Nicholas.

[Danny Heifetz]

On this note, Nick had an idea because the problem was WhiteHouse.gov WhiteHouse.com so Nick suggested that to fix this because Cowboys.com goes to something. Dicks.com the domain name for porn websites should not be dot com. It should be dot com.

[Danny Kelly]

That's really good. That's honestly high level stuff.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

I got no notes.

[Danny Heifetz]

That was like the best idea I've ever.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah. Surprised it's not.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, I'm surprised it's not too.

[Craig Horvik]

Isn't there like a. Whatever. Whatever you call that dot Triple X.

[Danny Heifetz]

I don't know what site you're going to. I don't know.

[Craig Horvik]

I thought that there was. There was sites.

[Danny Kelly]

That's a movie with Vin Diesel as far as I'm concerned.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Which is also made me fall in love.

[Craig Horvik]

I'm googling XXX websites. That doesn't make sense. Although, do you really want to put.

[Danny Kelly]

Do you really needed to say pornhub.com? people get the gist.

[Danny Heifetz]

You know?

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Dicks.com is for your sporting goods. And you know the other one is for something else.

[Danny Kelly]

Do you ever still get pranked from your friends where they like. It's like a dummy link to like a newspaper article?

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, of course.

[Danny Kelly]

Yeah. Or something.

[Craig Horvik]

There was a specific one that went around when I was growing up and I'm not even gonna say it because. Yeah, but that. That was one that people would say Lemon Party.

[Danny Kelly]

Remember that one?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Craig did it for me.

[Danny Kelly]

There's a lot of that out there. Being 16 years old is just a crazy time.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

I can't believe they gave us the Internet that day. Oh, my God.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, God. I've seen some things I'll never unsee.

[Craig Horvik]

You can't unsee something.

[Danny Heifetz]

Funny. I could see that becoming like a TikTok trend or something, which is people telling their parents stuff that they looked at when they were 13 that they're like, what?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

If my mother knew the things I saw, how much I drank, you know.

[Danny Heifetz]

It'S just like, yeah, that wouldn't be a problem. I think that, you know, meat spin would be tough. I think. I think they'd be upset about. That would be a problem.

[Craig Horvik]

I forgot about that.

[Danny Heifetz]

God.

[Danny Kelly]

But there were a lot of like, how many drinks did you have last night? I was like, four beers. She's like, oh, slow down. And I was like, I had 18.

[Danny Heifetz]

So I know I'm old. That's how I know I'm 30. Because the. The amount of alcohol that I used to have to get to feel buzzed is now the maximum I could consume.

[Danny Kelly]

What's your new sweet spot?

[Danny Heifetz]

Mine's four if I haven't eaten.

[Craig Horvik]

Four drinks is your sweet spot.

[Danny Kelly]

Five if I don't want to be hungover the next day. Like, if I'm just going out with friends. I want to have a nice night, and I'm keeping it mellow. Four drinks is like. I start to feel a light buzz. I can still go home, wake up the next day.

[Danny Heifetz]

Craig, I'm at the point I can.

[Craig Horvik]

Feel a light buzz after one drink.

[Danny Heifetz]

Yeah, One beer makes me one.

[Danny Kelly]

You get buzzed off one beer?

[Craig Horvik]

Well, I don't really drink beer that much. I drink, like, a whiskey.

[Danny Kelly]

There's no way you're buzzed off a Coors Light. That's insane.

[Danny Heifetz]

Well, probably not. Of course.

[Craig Horvik]

Like, you're right. I did try some. What are those? Like, new drinks that are not beer and not hard? Yeah, like a hard seltzer. What are they called, though?

[Danny Kelly]

Hard Seltzer.

[Danny Heifetz]

There's like 30 brands, but you're probably thinking of White Truly or Truly White Claws. High Noons Truly, I think, are the leaders.

[Danny Kelly]

Anyway, High Noon is not a seltzer, but, yeah, I had.

[Craig Horvik]

I had a few of the. I had a few of those the other day. And to your point, Craig, I wasn't really feeling them. Like, I couldn't feel. I didn't feel buzz.

[Danny Kelly]

No. I'm a light beer drinker now. You're making me feel like an alcoholic. I was like, I need four drinks to feel something. That's.

[Craig Horvik]

That was my first impression. Yeah.

[Danny Kelly]

Well, all right, you know, Strong liver.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, strong.

[Danny Kelly]

Not for long, but yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

Thank you, dk. Thank you, Craig. Thank you, Kai. Thank you, Carlos. Thank you, Austin. Thank you, everyone involved in the making of happy Gilmore.

[Craig Horvik]

Christopher McDonald.

[Danny Heifetz]

Christopher McDonald.

[Danny Kelly]

The goat.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, man, he was good.

[Danny Heifetz]

Thank you. Everyone emailed us. Our rankings are in the episode description. Are you. Please subscribe. Thank you. Especially everyone who subscribed to the YouTube channel. Thank you for following on Instagram and Tick Tock Ringer Fantasy and. Yeah, thank you. All the people emailed in about the porn they saw when they [e-mail]. that's crazy. If anyone knows how that guy did that. Well, I guess I know how he did that, but. Yeah. Thank you, Lord.

[Danny Kelly]

Lord.

[Craig Horvik]

Thank you, Leonard Skynyrd. All right, that is. That's the first song of the movie. Oh, Tuesday's gone.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, I didn't know that was Leonard Skynyrd. That.

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, yeah. Hold on, let me double check.

[Danny Heifetz]

I'm shocked that 1. DK didn't do Coldplay this week, which I thought was a layup. And also Black Savage.

[Craig Horvik]

Coldplay. Oh, yeah, Black Sabbath. That have been a good one. Yeah, I saw some video online. It was a bunch of kids doing Crazy Train on xylophones. It was badass.

[Danny Kelly]

Oh, really?

[Danny Heifetz]

Really?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah, there was like. You should look that up.

[Danny Kelly]

I can't believe kids know what xylophones are and have spent the time to learn how to use it.

[Craig Horvik]

Right.

[Danny Kelly]

Good for them.

[Craig Horvik]

It was a class.

[Danny Heifetz]

Didn't we get Calvinist xylophone?

[Craig Horvik]

You did get Calvin at the xylophone. He likes to play that thing. You guys also got him. I don't know if I mentioned this. We had two boxes of the. Whatever they're called, the magnet tiles. Did you mean to buy two separate ones?

[Danny Heifetz]

Well, one was dinosaurs, right?

[Craig Horvik]

No, they were two of the exact same thing.

[Danny Heifetz]

What?

[Danny Kelly]

You have two kids, right?

[Danny Heifetz]

Wait, I said.

[Craig Horvik]

I'm telling you.

[Danny Heifetz]

The ones he got were the. I got him the magnet. The dinosaur themed, magnetized.

[Craig Horvik]

You've got. You got a magnet tiles, like a year ago on his last birthday. And then this birthday, you sent the dinosaur ones. And then several days later, another box of the identical dinosaur magnet tiles came.

[Danny Heifetz]

No, that was definitely for a different kid. That's hilarious.

[Danny Kelly]

Those are for George.

[Danny Heifetz]

Whoops.

[Craig Horvik]

I was like. I meant to. I meant to ask you about that.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, definitely for a different kid, but.

[Craig Horvik]

Now he has a shitload of magnet tiles.

[Danny Heifetz]

Well, I hope he likes the dinosaurs.

[Danny Kelly]

He does.

[Craig Horvik]

Damn. Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

How about that?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah. Thank you for that. That was very.

[Danny Heifetz]

I like that. Craig right there is. You know when your mom gets a gift and then your dad is, like, waiting to see what it is? Like, you're opening it. Your dad doesn't know what's in it, but his name's on the card. Like, that was like, Craig right there. Like, what kids have xylophones? I'm like, we got him a xylophone like, a year ago.

[Craig Horvik]

I'm just gonna say thanks to Danny from now on.

[Danny Kelly]

Like, how old are these kids? I'm assuming they were like teenagers in high school.

[Craig Horvik]

No, the xylophone kids, it was like, I don't know, 10, 10 years old, 6 or 7, 8.

[Danny Heifetz]

They were playing Lynyrd Skynyrd or Black Sabbath.

[Craig Horvik]

Black Sabbath.

[Danny Kelly]

Crazy Train.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, badass.

[Danny Heifetz]

That's a great song. I hate that. The Patriots have a cool song to come out to.

[Danny Kelly]

I saw a photo of Randy Johnson and Ozzy Osbourne and the tweet was like. Like, would hate to be a winged animal in these two's presents.

[Danny Heifetz]

That was amazing. That was. That was the best. The. The Osbornes were so famous in the 2000s. But I had a question for you. This is something that I feel like I'm vaguely Aware of, but don't. What was the deal with Black Sabbath records playing backwards? Was this, like, you know how, like, now I feel like. It's like you're. This is what your kids emojis mean. And they're like. It's like the throwing up emojis. Like, that means your kids do meth. And it's like. Like, I feel like the original version of that was apparently, like. You know, if they play the record backward, it spits out the devil or something. Like, is. Is that what it was?

[Danny Kelly]

That's always been. Wasn't there a whole thing with the Beatles with, like, Paul's dead if you played it backwards?

[Craig Horvik]

Yeah.

[Danny Heifetz]

What was the. I. I don't even know how records work. Like, what. How do you play a record backwards?

[Craig Horvik]

A record, it. It spins and it has a little needle that comes.

[Danny Heifetz]

But I thought there's an A and a B side. So how do you even play it backwards?

[Craig Horvik]

You spin it the opposite direction.

[Danny Heifetz]

Oh, manually, right?

[Danny Kelly]

I kind of thought it. Yeah. But, like, I figured it would only spin one way.

[Danny Heifetz]

Can I tell you something?

[Craig Horvik]

I have no idea.

[Danny Heifetz]

Record works. How does it make that sound? How the fuck does it make that sound?

[Danny Kelly]

No, you can't tell me by making little grooves and whatever the vinyl's made out of that music comes out of. It doesn't make any sense. I could.

[Craig Horvik]

I called bullshit.

[Danny Heifetz]

It doesn't. It's crazy. That's, like, gonna be the new Wilt Chamberlain. Like, the kids don't believe he scored 100 points. Like, there's no way. This may be some. There's no way.

[Danny Kelly]

It makes more sense to me that, like, music comes out of an iPhone than it does out of a vinyl record?

[Danny Heifetz]

Bizarre, right, dk? But seriously, what was the deal with that? Did you actually take records and spin them backwards to see if there was, like, an Easter egg on the.

[Craig Horvik]

If it's. How old do you think I am?

[Danny Heifetz]

I didn't have old enough to play Techno Bowl.

[Danny Kelly]

I don't know, dk.

[Craig Horvik]

I didn't grow up on records.

[Danny Kelly]

Look at him. He's so old.

[Danny Heifetz]

He's so old.

[Danny Kelly]

He's too old.

[Craig Horvik]

You can't take her house.

[Danny Kelly]

House.

[Craig Horvik]

We listen. For what it's worth. We listened to tapes growing up. So I was, like, all about recording mixtapes and things like that, which is a whole thing, a whole little culture.

[Danny Heifetz]

That was, like, burning CDs for people who were born before Y2K, right?

[Craig Horvik]

This is totally unrelated. I forgot, and I want to mention it before we end this Happy Gilmore talk. The fact that Chubbs is like putting back together, gluing back together his wooden hand the entire movie. It's like so funny. He's got like wood glue.

[Danny Heifetz]

Stop it.

[Craig Horvik]

What are you riding a.

[Danny Kelly]

Riding a bull? You act like a damn fool and kick me off the Pro Tour. Oh, I'm sorry. Because you're black? Hell no. Damn alligator bit my hand up.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh my God.

[Danny Kelly]

Why would they kick you off the Tour if you lose your hand?

[Craig Horvik]

Because he can't golf anymore.

[Danny Kelly]

Okay, but like, he just wouldn't make.

[Craig Horvik]

It because he's got a six foot long arm now.

[Danny Kelly]

So if Scotty Shepard lost his arm and was still a scratch golfer, they kick him off the Tour like the are we talking about?

[Craig Horvik]

Craig is picking nits.

[Danny Heifetz]

That's a good point.

[Craig Horvik]

Kicked me off the Tour. I think if you can't golf well enough, you get kicked off the Tour.

[Danny Kelly]

No, you don't get kicked off. You just know are no longer good enough to qualify.

[Craig Horvik]

Right.

[Danny Heifetz]

I think that's what he meant.

[Danny Kelly]

Kick him.

[Craig Horvik]

Oh, man.

[Danny Heifetz]

Goodbye, everyone.