Off-Brand Sleepers, Daniel Jones Is Starting, and the Players Who Will Screw Us, Live From New York

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Ringer Fantasy Football Show
Episode: Off-Brand Sleepers, Daniel Jones Is Starting, and the Players Who Will Screw Us, Live From New York
Date: August 20, 2025
Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, Craig Horlbeck
Theme:
A live episode from New York featuring candid insights, crowd banter, and deep-dive fantasy analysis on "off-brand" sleepers and the Jets/Giants players most likely to break your heart in 2025 fantasy drafts. The crew dishes on who to draft, who to avoid, and which players and coaches will cause you maximum pain—plus memorable tangents on pop culture, life in New York, and listener conspiracy theories.

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Live from New York: Setting the Scene

• DK’s First Impressions of NYC ([02:23]):

  • Danny Kelly visits NY for the first time, recounting his anxieties and observations.
  • He feels a “parasocial relationship” with the city through TV/film but admits, "I've kinda been here, but not really."
  • Banter over Heifetz never visiting major city landmarks despite growing up nearby:

    "You ever been to Coney Island? No." – DK & Heifetz ([03:28])

• Culture & Traditions

  • Jaywalking as a “New York thing”:

    "It's called walking." – Heifetz ([08:47])

  • Heifetz’s dad appears briefly (“We never wanted to take him anywhere. It’s a tradition!”) ([04:27])
  • SNL Announcer Impression: Craig’s highly accurate Don Pardo impression delights the crowd ([07:14])

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New York Football Misery & Fantasy Pain Draft

Setting up the Sadness

• Heifetz reflects on rooting for the Giants during an era where NY football has been "dead last" in almost every metric ([13:08]):

  "They have together, over the last eight seasons, been losing for a combined five full days. A literal work week." ([13:23])

The “Who Will Screw Us the Most?” Draft

(A two-round snake draft: most likely Jets/Giants to disappoint fantasy GMs)

1. Breece Hall (Jets RB) ([17:29])

• Reasoning:
  • Last year’s red zone futility, coaching changes, likely three-man rotation, and Justin Fields limiting targets.
  • "[Breece] just got no juice. He’s juiceless." – Craig ([18:39])
• Memorable Moment: The crowd’s mix of groans and claps as Heifetz takes the super-talented but risky Hall.

2. Garrett Wilson (Jets WR) ([19:23])

• Concerns:
  • Top 5 in targets but poor fantasy returns due to bad QB play and a run-heavy offense.
  • "Now there's not a lot of passes, and they're all bad." – DK ([20:23])
  • "He’s going next to Mike Evans, who's never not had as many yards as Garrett Wilson has." – Heifetz ([20:12])

3. Justin Fields (Jets QB) ([22:10])

• Doubts:
  • Excitement for rushing, but passing limitations, risk of injury, poor preseason reports.
  • “The rushing is really cool. When it’s the appetizer. It’s not as fun when it’s the main course…” – Craig ([22:50])

4. Malik Nabers (Giants WR) ([23:44])

• Worry:
  • Rookie hype huge, but battles chronic injuries (toe, back, shoulder) and faces QB turnover risk.
  • "I’m the most worried about him getting hurt... you never used to have a bad back." – DK ([24:13])

5. Tyrone Tracy (Giants RB) ([28:56])

• Lukewarm:
  • “Solid player, but not sure he’ll be the guy who wins you your league.” – Craig ([29:38])
  • Debate erupts whether Tracy or rookie Kimani Scatteboo is the real future value.

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Off-Brand Sleepers: “Name Brand/Off Brand” Segment ([34:03], [41:01], [51:10])

QB/WR Combos

• Name Brand: Joe Burrow & Tee Higgins (Bengals)
• Off Brand: Dak Prescott & George Pickens (Cowboys)
  • Argument: Cowboys could be 2024’s Bengals, but much cheaper in drafts.
  • "It’s lane envy... the Cowboys are the cheap Bengals right now." – Craig ([34:46])

RBs

• Name Brand: Jameer Gibbs (Lions)
• Off Brand: TreVeyon Henderson (Patriots)
  • "We’ve only seen the trailer—trailer rips. But he’s the Deep Impact to Gibbs’ Armageddon." – DK ([38:48])
  • “Is he the most popular sleeper in fantasy right now?” – Heifetz ([42:14])

TEs

• Name Brand: George Kittle (49ers)
• Off Brand: Tyler Warren (Colts)
  • Warren as the Jeremy Renner of tight ends:
  • "[Tyler Warren is] just a receiver. Long hair, Shockey, Kittle, people think he can block—he can't." – Heifetz ([45:10])
  • Could be this year’s late-round breakout.

RB Volume Value

• Name Brand: Chase Brown (Bengals)
• Off Brand: Chuba Hubbard (Panthers)
  • Compares peak era Facebook (Brown) vs. MySpace (Hubbard):

    “Chuba basically just comes in a little bit behind Chase Brown in everything except for touchdowns… and he’s much cheaper.” – DK ([53:44])

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Off-Brand, Off-Brand: The Daniel Jones–Anthony Richardson Conundrum ([45:54], [48:09])

• Shane Steichen choosing Daniel Jones to start over Anthony Richardson (Colts):
  • "Retiring your motorcycle to drive a ‘79 Ford Pinto." – DK ([46:27])
  • Riffing on the pointlessness of choosing “floor” with Jones (“15 passing TDs for $160 million.” – [48:40])
  • Steichen’s logic: “If they’re not choosing Richardson, he must really suck.” – Heifetz ([50:39])

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Crowd Interaction & Running Jokes

• Emails & Conspiracy Theories ([56:36])
  • Listener says her Belgian coworker wears the same blue shirt every day – is it one shirt or six identical? ([57:20])
  • "As people who are on video now all the time...I hope no one is making fun of my clothes..." – DK ([58:45])
• Listener Breakfasts: Raw-dogging breakfast, peanut butter on eggs, and other menu oddities ([62:08])
• Best/Worst Memories: Ben Solak didn’t know the Beatles; Craig’s suspect volleyball scholarship ([59:25], [64:44])
• Mogging: The running bit that Craig "mogs" his co-hosts in every group photo ([74:49])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On NY Football Misery:

  "A literal work week of time trailing." – Heifetz ([13:23])

• On Breece Hall:

  "He's juiceless. What are we gonna do?" – Craig ([18:39])

• On Garrett Wilson:

  "There was a lot of passes and they were all bad. Now, there’s not a lot of passes and they’re all bad." – DK ([20:23])

• On Justin Fields as Main Course

  "It's like ice cream for dinner every night. It was fun once, and now I don't know..." – Craig ([22:50])

• On Name Brand/Off Brand

  "The Cowboys are the cheap Bengals right now." – Craig ([34:46])

• On Daniel Jones’ Contract

  “He got paid $10 million a game to go 3-13.” – Heifetz ([49:39])

• On Tyler Warren as Jeremy Renner

  "They tried with Renner. They threw him Marvel, Mission Impossible, Bourne...none of them worked." – Craig ([42:56])

• On Chuba Hubbard

  "After Chase Brown became the starter, Chuba Hubbard had the whole backfield for the Panthers last year." – DK ([53:44])

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Listener Interactions: Q&A Highlights

• Jackson Dart Streaming Value:

  • Still waiver-wire material in most leagues; might play late if the Giants struggle ([32:44])

• Taylor Swift Halftime Show Song:

  • Likely "Love Story" or "You Belong With Me" ([66:31])

• Should a Giants Fan Let His Kid Root for Cowboys?

  • “You buy her merch! You don’t choose who you’re a fan of…” ([70:21])

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New York Wrap-Up

• Heifetz on NYC identity:

  "In a weird way, I felt more like a New Yorker this week because I hadn’t done the touristy shit..." ([80:41])

• DK’s Verdict:

  “I love New York. Tremendous buildings. Skyscrapers.” – DK ([80:14])

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End Notes

Live show energy, constant crowd laughter, and meta-commentary on fantasy football trauma, New York identity, and the joys and complaints of adulthood. Finished with thanks to crew, family, and fans—and a surprise from Mr. Heifetz, revealing how he “discovered” Joe Burrow ([76:12]):

“I love the way he looked, the way he played. He’s fabulous. I love Joe Burrow.” – Mr. Heifetz

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Key Timestamps

• 02:23 – DK’s first NYC impressions
• 13:10 – NY Football misery stats
• 14:04 – Giants/Jets “Who Will Screw Us” draft begins
• 18:39 – “He’s juiceless” (on Breece Hall)
• 20:23 – Garrett Wilson “all bad” passes
• 22:50 – Justin Fields as fantasy risk
• 34:03 – Name Brand/Off Brand kicks off
• 45:54 – Daniel Jones v. Anthony Richardson segment
• 53:44 – Chuba Hubbard value discussion
• 56:36 – Listener emails (shirts, breakfast scandals)
• 74:49 – “Mogging” email/bit
• 76:12 – Mr. Heifetz on discovering Joe Burrow
• 80:14 – NY wrap-up: “Tremendous buildings. Skyscrapers.”

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Tone: Irreverent, rapid-fire, self-deprecating, empathetic to the agony of fantasy football and the quirks of sports fandom. The perfect primer for anyone heading into their draft or seeking catharsis from years of Giants/Jets disappointment—and anyone who loves sharp, hilarious football talk.

Transcript

[A]

Sam. Welcome to the Ringer Fantasy Football Live show. My name is Danny Heifetz and I am joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Hurlbeck in person in New York City. Thank you to everybody for coming. Honest. Please give yourselves a round of applause. Like, this is awesome. And thank you to Yahoo. Fantasy, our sponsor, for making this possible. Shout out Yahoo. Fantasy, the world's only fantasy football platform. Yahoo Fantasy.

[B]

And thank you to DK's new shirt. I see you got a new shirt.

[C]

Yeah, I, you know, I went to, like, a boutique store. It was like, they only do, like, limited run stuff.

[B]

I thought it's really good.

[C]

The design is sick.

[B]

Hold on to that. That's going to be worth a lot of money someday.

[C]

It fits really well.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. We kind of just assumed the tourist stuff would run large and Europeans are smaller than this.

[C]

All right.

[A]

This episode of the Ringer Fantasy Football show is presented by Hyundai. Get into the Hyundai getaway sales event and get away with a deal. So right. It almost feels wrong. You can get huge savings on their adventure. Ready SUVs like the Hyundai Santa Fe and Santa Fe hybrid models. Or go all electric and choose from America's most awarded EV lineup, like the Breakthrough Ioniq 5 or Ioniq 6. Visit HyundaiUSA.com or call 562-314-4603 for details. Offers end September 2, 2025 so I, this show means a lot to me because I am from New York, like, kind of like, yeah, yeah, Westchester, but like, still. But Danny Kelly, for those who've been listening, Danny Kelly has never been to New York City until yesterday.

[C]

That's why I got the shirt. Yeah.

[A]

So I thought the only way we could start this show was I actually wanted Danny Kelly to tell us and he has not shown us this list. I wanted Danny Kelly's like, what are your thoughts? I just told you to keep track of your thoughts and anxieties of New York City and your first things that stressed you out or just.

[C]

Yeah, well, the first impression I have of the city. And again, I've never been here before, but I've been to the exact same amount of New York City attractions as Danny Heifetz who grew up here.

[B]

Yeah, we got here and I was like, heifetz, what should we do? Like, Empire State Building, World Trade Center? Should we go Dirty Rock, Statue of Liberty? He's like, I've never been to any of those.

[C]

It's like, yeah, what? We were up in the World Trade center tower and, like, looking out over everything and I'm like, hi, Fitz. What's that out there? Like, what is that? He's like, I don't know. Go get a map.

[B]

He's like, is that Brooklyn? He's like. He was like, look at a map.

[A]

Was like, pull out a map. What am I?

[B]

Who. Who?

[A]

What am I, an owl? I don't know, like.

[C]

You ever been to Coney Island? No.

[B]

No.

[C]

Empire State Building?

[A]

No.

[C]

No.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

Well, you. You asked me. Statue of Liberty.

[B]

Statue of Liberty? No.

[A]

No. I don't know.

[C]

He couldn't even. He couldn't even point it out when we were up there.

[A]

Statue of Liberty I could point out.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Barely.

[C]

So anyways, that was one.

[A]

Well, my dad's from Queens. Shout out. My dad is from Forest Hills. And I don't know. Yeah, you don't do touristy shit in where you're from.

[B]

That is fair. That is. That is respectable. I don't think people from LA are like, going to the Hollywood Walk of Fame all the time.

[C]

Right, Nerd. I get that.

[B]

Anyway, I would think though, Mr. He as a kid, you taking your son the Empire State Building would be really fun. I would think.

[C]

He's like, why you looking at me?

[A]

Oh, he's close. Should I give him a mic?

[B]

Honestly? Get him up.

[A]

Oh, wait, hold on, hold on. I'm it. Oh, boy, the camera people are going to hate me. Why did you never take me anywhere, dad?

[B]

We didn't want to. It's like, my dad never took me. It's a tradition.

[C]

We didn't want to. Oh, it's worse to live by.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Your home is more than a space. It's where you express yourself. Like, we've all got our setup for when the guys are over, right? So my thing, when it. When. When everyone's just around watching a game, watching a movie, whatever is I. I go for. I want a corner couch. If it's a L shaped couch, I want the corner. That to me is like. I don't know if it's the alpha spot, but I'm like, I. That's where I. That's like the Nestle. That's the cozy. That's where I want to be. And if that's not available, any kind of, like, single chair, like where I'm not on the couch. Like, if you. If it rocks. Unbelievable. Recliner. I'm in heaven. Recliner, cup holder, full leg extension. Like, that is the dream. Because you can kind of get up whenever, but you're laying back. It's the best of every world. It's like, that's the goal to me. So. However, whatever your vibe, Wayfair has every style for every home. They've got all your home essentials, storage solutions, decor, and more all in one place. I use Wayfair. So Jackie and I, we got a rug. And I'm not going to lie, I realized that Big Lebowski, they were right, like, the right room, the right rug really does bring the whole room together. It's so nice to walk on. I, I, I just. It's the nicest rug I've ever owned. And I didn't realize how much that would bring me joy. Maybe I'm just getting older in life, but I didn't realize that a really, really, really nice area rug just would bring me a ton of joy. But it does get inspired with room ideas and easy to shop collections, all with everyday ways to save. Shop everything [e-mail] with free and easy delivery straight to your door. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[B]

Okay, what's next? What else you got?

[C]

The other thing that I think was just, this is a little more serious, not funny, but I have, I had this realization that I've had this really long, parasocial relationship with New York where I'm like, I watched Seinfeld, Friends, mad men, Magnificent, Ms. Maisel, elf godfather, the Nick Gangs of New York. And it's like I've already experienced all these places in several different eras, and I feel like I know the city and everywhere I'm going, like, oh, yeah, I know this place. But it was just kind of weird looking around everything and realizing I've kind of been here, but not really. So not as funny as super sweet.

[B]

Heartfelt.

[A]

Yeah, dude, you should have seen when we were in Los Angeles, the ringer. The Spotify office is in studio or, sorry, the arts district in la. And we're at a bar around the corner, and he looks up, he's like, holy shit, is that the apartment from New Girl?

[C]

And, like, a starstruck.

[A]

You were starstruck by building. I gotta take a picture with that. The other thing we have to talk about before we, like, really get going here is, I mean, we're going to talk about, you've lived here for a year, but there's funny stories. I don't give a shit. We learned, like, 30 minutes ago. Craig's impression of the SNL announcer guy is perfect.

[B]

The late, great Don Pardo, may he rest in peace. Yeah. Backstage, I would just be like, Jason Sudeikis.

[C]

Do the Rachel.

[B]

I just love that guy.

[C]

Do Rachel Dratch.

[B]

Rachel Dratch. Bill Hader. Daryl Hammond doesn't do it the same. You know, he's trying his best. He can't hit Kristen Wiig.

[C]

I think we're good.

[A]

The. The only thing I did want to throw DK under the bus for was we got the breakfast yesterday.

[B]

Yeah, this is kind of unforgivable. Blast.

[C]

I didn't know this was a thing, though.

[B]

We got. Which is equally as crazy. We went to a bagel spot, Heifitz. I got a bacon, egg and cheese, and DK walked up and ordered a bacon, egg and cheese, hold the bacon.

[C]

I didn't know that was, like, a New York thing.

[A]

It's like the Andrew Cuomo when he ordered the egg, cheese, bacon, and it's like the Inglorious Basterds when it's like three beers.

[C]

The guy.

[A]

Stop him.

[C]

In retrospect, the guy definitely double take that.

[B]

He was like, nobody's ever said that before.

[C]

Do we do that?

[B]

Hey, Bob, do we do that?

[C]

See? Hold on. Is there anything else? Oh, the jaywalking is the thing. I don't think I've ever. Nothing in the world makes Heifetz just feel more comfortable in his own skin than jaywalking.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Just fucking jaywalking.

[B]

Can't be shackled.

[C]

It feels so fucking good to jaywalk. He just lights up the light in his eyes.

[B]

I feel like that's not even a phrase in New York. Like, people don't even call it jaywalking.

[A]

It's called walking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I realized that LA had made me a total. When it's like two years in, I was standing, just trying to cross the street, like the block I lived on, to go to this bar across the street. And I was waiting for the light, and there were no cars coming. And I looked, I was like, what.

[B]

The fuck am I doing?

[A]

I was like, I. I was like, I need to leave this place. All right, so. Oh, thanks, dad. You can't do that. The whole show.

[C]

You started.

[A]

I have created a monster that's. Oh, my God.

[B]

I knew I was funny. Only, like, 20 people can hear him.

[C]

Somebody switched spots with him.

[A]

Thank God. Anyway. All right, we should probably get. All right, so yell, please. Make some noise if you're a New York Giants fan.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Make some noise if you're a Jets fan.

[B]

I think it was a smaller group of people, but they were louder, a hundred percent.

[A]

That's actually real life, too. That's really proportionally accurate. So raise Your. Well, make some noise if you're a fan of like, Eagles.

[B]

What?

[A]

Security, get them all other 29 teams. Okay.

[B]

Are. Are there any Browns fans here? All right. Yeah, we heard there was a couple Browns fans.

[A]

We heard things about what the crowd's doing, like in dribs and drabs. And so they come in and they're like, what's with all the Browns fans? And we're like, fuck divine now.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Anyway, so I was. To be honest with you, it's very cool doing this show. I'm from New York. As you can tell, my parents came here to embarrass me. And it's fun. And so I started thinking about. So my whole career, like since I started at the ringer, I've worked at one place since college. And I was thinking about, like 2017 to now, and I was thinking about how in 2017, when I started at the ringer, the Eagles had just won the super bowl and the Giants had earned. Fuck the birds. Jesus. You people in your. You know why they say go Birds? It's cause Philly people couldn't remember a three word phrase. That's why they.

[C]

But so New York, someone's upset.

[A]

I'm over the Saquon thing. It's fine. But in 2017, the Eagles had just won the super bowl and the Giants had earned the number two pick in the draft. And I was thinking about now all the things that have changed. It's been almost a decade. The Eagles just won the super bowl, but the Giants have made it all the way to the number three pick in the draft. And it's actually worse than that.

[B]

And Saquon's on the Eagles and say.

[A]

That guy that took number two is now on the Eagles shirt. So. So, like, that's bad. But the jets suck too, obviously. But. And I know that's, you know, not exactly new analysis, but I wanted to actually pull. So since I basically, since I've been a professional, because Dika, what's always your joke?

[C]

So Heifetz, the whole time I've known him, which is now almost 10 years, he's never actually gotten to root for his team to win. He wants them to lose because it's like a higher draft pick never gets the chance that we still have one year, I guess, which was the one.

[A]

The year the Giants made the playoffs was the worst season they had.

[C]

But even then you were like, this is not real. Like, let's get them to lose. So we. Yeah.

[A]

So I kind of always never took that seriously. I always thought DK was exaggerating when I was. He was like, you never want the Giants to win. You're always.

[C]

You realize that. You were like.

[A]

So I went back and I looked. The Giants and Jets, since I started being a professional, 2017 are both dead last in like, both 31st and 32nd together in the following categories. Wins.

[B]

That was awesome. You could stop there.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That kind of painful.

[C]

I should have done it the other way around.

[B]

Kind of spoiled, right?

[A]

Yeah. Fuck.

[C]

You gotta build to it.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. Fuck. Just close the whole thing.

[B]

They do suck. Yeah.

[A]

But they're also dead. Both teams are dead last in yards, touchdowns, points. And if you're wondering if it's overall points or fantasy points, both.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And so the only category that the Giants and Jets are first and second in in the last eight years is time spent losing. They have together over the last eight seasons, been losing for a combined five full days. A literal work week of time trailing. So as we were kind of talking about this show and how to talk about all these fantasy players, we love.

[C]

Pandering to the audience.

[B]

Yeah, you're gonna love this.

[A]

Your team's fucking sucks.

[B]

Yeah, we're like, well, we should talk jets and Giants players in fantasy. But like, man, they've been pretty disappointing for the last decade kind of, right? Not a lot of guys have delivered. And we're like, why don't we just draft the jets and Giants players who are going to fuck us the most this year? So that's what we're going to do. It's the who's going to fuck us the most draft for the Giants and the Jets.

[C]

I mean, in a way this is winning, right? They're going to win by fucking us the most.

[B]

Yeah, you're the first draft pick, will be the player you think will fuck you the most.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And then we're going to determine first pick by doing a little trivia, a little showdown time. Yeah.

[A]

So we're going to do showdown time. Oh, it's about the gong. I knew we'd forget something. Should we have everyone just yell gong? Yeah, just everyone just yell gone. Oh, no, not yet. Sorry. Not yet. Amateur hour. So, yeah, so we're going to do the draft order. We're each going to go two round draft here of Giants and Jets players who are going to fuck us the most. So yeah, can everyone just yell gong? Yeah, you know what?

[C]

Oh. Oh.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

Yes. Sandbag and Roddick and Stefan on it.

[B]

We've really leveled up. Wow.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

That was Impressive. All right, you have the trivia question?

[A]

Yeah. So the trivia question. And no one, please don't yell us if you knew it. We wanted a New York question that.

[C]

We know Hyfus doesn't know the answer.

[A]

Definitely not. And so the question we're going to ask is how many islands are in New York City?

[B]

Right.

[C]

Because he didn't know any of the islands.

[B]

I mean, I don't know this answer.

[A]

I don't know the answer either. And I don't kind of don't I feel unintimidated by trying to count them out to you. Well, we. Why don't we give the answer and then we'll kind of explain a rationale. But you want to just. You guys ready?

[C]

Yeah, sure. Do you want to do the show?

[B]

Do you agree? I have a rationale.

[C]

What do you want to do? Showdown time or no.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Do the. Did it all out. I'm out of practice.

[B]

It is the New York City island showdown time gone. Yeah.

[A]

All right, so we get preseason for everyone.

[B]

I could be. Man, I could be way off here.

[A]

I just have a number of my items going to go. 3, 2, 1, 10.

[B]

3, 3.

[A]

We just.

[B]

World Trade yesterday. All right, all right, all right.

[C]

Hold on, hold on. Does Staten island count?

[A]

Yes, the island in the fucking name.

[C]

Hold on, hold on. Does Long island count?

[A]

No, not in New York City. Not metro area. Fuck, I want to. No wonder people hate New Yorkers. Jesus.

[C]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna change my answer.

[B]

You change your answer?

[A]

No, you say three. Does Staten Island.

[C]

We don't know the answer yet. Five.

[A]

I mean.

[C]

You guys both said 10.

[B]

So how do we do. Does one of you want.

[A]

Do you want it out of 10?

[B]

You want north of 10 or south of 10?

[A]

I'll go. I'm gonna go.

[B]

What did I say?

[A]

I'm going north because I can think of seven and I feel like I'm not close.

[B]

So you're saying you want more than 10?

[A]

I'll go 11. Fine, you get 10.

[B]

Okay, well, great, because the ones at Manhattan.

[C]

Does anyone want to Google it real quick?

[A]

How many islands are in New York City?

[B]

Let's get grok on this.

[A]

Are in. All right, what does Google Gemini think? 30 to 50.

[B]

To 50. Damn it. Damn it.

[C]

Good thing I changed my answer.

[A]

That's insane.

[C]

Christ.

[A]

Okay, I always forget Randall's island. Yeah, that's. Whatever. 30s, insane. Anyway, so Staten island does count. Shoot, that's. If I said that y' all would never forget.

[C]

Well, I saw the ferry, so I Probably should have guessed.

[B]

So I'm actually curious. So. So it's gonna go high if it's me. Dk. I'm actually curious what your first pick is here.

[A]

Yeah, it. I actually second's probably a better pick. So. Yeah, we're drafting players that we think you'll look back and retro.

[B]

I think it's a two man race at the top.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's no offense to the jets fans. It's gotta be between Breeze Hall, Garrett Wilson up top. Yeah, I'm taking Breeze hall for the Jets. I'm taking. I think Breeze hall is the number one player, the running back for the Jets. Who is clapping? This is somber.

[C]

Braylon Allen's family is here.

[A]

Yes. Braylon Allen's family is there. Yeah. Weird. But yeah, it's Braylon Allen. I mean, if you just kind of think about Braylon Allen. Oh, sorry, Bree. Saul. Sorry, I'm already turned around. Breeze hall was like a top two, top five fantasy pick last year. And like, this is the, this is the thirst, this is the allure. And you talk yourself into it before the draft, you're like, he was injured. Breeze hall was hampered by Aaron Rodgers. The jets had the fewest rushing attempts in the NFL. They barely. The jets ran the ball at the lowest rate in the entire NFL inside the red zone. And you're like, now you got Aaron Glenn coming in as head coach from the Lions. They're going to run the ball like Detroit. Like Breece Hall. Yeah, he's going in like, you know, give him that fourth or fifth round. Like, this is easy. And then the reality is, well, holy shit, this is going to be a three man backfield rotation. But with Bree Hall, Braylon Allen, Isaiah Davis, if you think about it, Justin Field's going to make it like a four guy rotation. And then it's. Honestly, I just think Aaron Glenn's going to like Braylon Ellen the most.

[B]

Anyway, Breece hall has just got no juice. He's got no juice. I'm so sorry. Brayan has juice.

[C]

He had a knee injury.

[B]

He's been hurt than two out of the three years he's in the league. Then I don't want him for that reason either. It's brutal. Also, Justin Fields, dead last in the NFL and past attempts to running backs. So it's like Breeze Hall's whole thing catching passes. I don't even know if that's going to happen with, with Justin Fields. So I'm like, all right, so he's not going to get the goal line. That's either going to Fields or Braylon Allen. His pass, his targets are going to be lower than ever and he's juiceless. Juice, what are we going to do? I don't care what round he's in.

[A]

Oh my God. Yeah, I think that's.

[C]

Here's how that your guys theory is going to get fucked. Okay? He's going to get traded and then.

[B]

He'Ll have no juice on a different team. Imagine when the Cowboys without juice. All right, number two pick, Garrett Wilson. He was my number one, not gonna lie. I snuck in, stole him. The upside for Garris, Garrett Wilson this.

[A]

Year.

[B]

I don't even know what it is, to be quite honest. I'm like, if it didn't happen last year when they threw the third most attempts or Aaron Rodgers had like the third or second or third most past attempts in the league, if it didn't happen last year, he was fourth in the NFL in targets. Justin Fields, we've been joking. When he was on the Bears, they ran the Navy offense. He ain't going to throw the ball a lot. Aaron Glenn does not want to throw the ball. I'm like, man, at least I mean, Aaron Rodgers, say what you will, he's probably more accurate than Justin Fields. He threw it away more than Justin Fields. I'm kind of like, I don't really see it in any scenario. He's going as the wide receiver 15 this year. Garrett Wilson, he's going next to like.

[A]

Mike Evans, who's never not had as many yards as Garrett Wilson has in 10 years.

[C]

Did you know?

[B]

So Garrett, I just worry they're going to be literally dead last in pass attempts and then all the passes will also be bad.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

I'm like in the, in previous years, very important distinction is there was a lot of passes, they were all bad. Now there's not a lot of passes and they're all bad.

[B]

And they're all bad.

[C]

So since Garrett Wilson entered the league, so three seasons, there's two players that have more targets than him right now. Devonte Adams and CD Lamb.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And he's 13th in points in that time. It's like every year you go, he's like so 20, 23, for instance, fourth in target rate. And he was the wide receiver 40.

[A]

Garrett. Yeah. Garrett Wilson is one of those where when you hear people trying to talk him up, like even I wrote the fantasy football dothran.com we have our rankings there and we had to write upsides and downsides. And I remember I had Garrett Wilson and I wrote the upside as he's reunited with his college quarterback, Justin Fields. Which when that's like, the lead analysis. Like, dude, I pulled that out of my ass. Like, there's nothing, like, there's no, like, trying here. Like, there's no, like, it's hard to even come up with a reason to be optimistic other than he had the DG Moore season with Chicago.

[B]

Yeah. When Fields broke the quarterback. He still has that right. The rushing record was it 12, 1300 yards.

[A]

So fields, second most ever in a year. Lamar, 2019 is the most rushing yards ever. Quarterback. But Justin Fields, his first full season as a starter, like, the first year he's a full starter, had more rushing yards than Michael Vick ever had in a single season.

[B]

Right. That was 2022. That year that Justin Fields did that. He threw the ball 21 times a game. Last year, Rodgers threw it 34 times a game. That's what the jets want. Like, I think that's what Aaron Glenn wants him to run the ball or to throw the ball 21 times a game. So I don't know. I don't know why he's wiser. Fifteen in rankings, he ain't in ours.

[A]

Yeah, I think Breeze, Breeze, Breeze and Garrett, Easy top two picks. Dk, you can double tack, snake, double tap, snake trap right here.

[B]

Oh, he gets to go twice.

[C]

I mean, I think the only one left here is Justin Fields. Right.

[A]

We just go to the Jets. Like, fuck the Jets.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

This means they'll be great.

[C]

Well, the reason is he's getting gassed up right now because of the running, which is definitely a valid point, but I don't know. I just. The highlight reels of Justin fields at Jets OTAs and training camp are rough. It's weird because I really liked him coming into, like, when he was in the draft. Very accurate, like, very confident throwing downfield, all that stuff. You see some of the throws from training camp, and you're like, has this guy ever thrown a football he can't throw?

[B]

Yeah, I think with Fields, the rushing is really cool. When you're also a good passer, it's really cool. When it's the appetizer, it's not as fun when it's the main course and you're like, I need him to run for 100 yards to, like, have a good fantasy day. It's like ice cream for dinner every night over and over and over. And you're like, it was fun once, and now I don't know.

[C]

I also think he's probably Just going to get hurt. Sorry, I don't. I'm not rooting for that, to be clear.

[B]

No, but you're right. You're just sweating it out every game because you need him to run desperately. But then every time he does run, you're like, please don't get hurt.

[A]

It's also funny because if any normal person just listened Alice and says, oh, yeah, he's Corey. He's gonna run all the time, you're like, oh, she's getting tackled all the time.

[C]

Anyway, we love the Jets. We love the Jets.

[A]

So who's your other pick? Dk, you got fields there?

[B]

Oh, I got two.

[C]

Let's see.

[A]

It's relative to cost.

[C]

I mean, Malik Neighbors.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, sorry. Where's that cheering guy now?

[C]

That was the longest, saddest groan I've ever heard. Oh.

[B]

Why do you hate Malik Neighbors? Go ahead.

[C]

He has a foot injury and a back injury.

[A]

Dude, I gotta tell you, I'm this. Yeah, I'm. The Giants are gonna ruin this guy. I'm worried.

[C]

What do we say about back injuries?

[A]

Never.

[C]

You never used to have a bad back.

[B]

Yeah, right. So you're more worried about just him getting hurt than any quarterback?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, not the quarterback situation. Doesn't really scare me that much. Obviously. I think it'd probably be better if Jackson dart was quarterback because they'd probably be throwing more.

[B]

How are the Jackson Dart vibes of the crowd?

[C]

We in so high.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he's got aura dart.

[C]

I mean, it's ironic because Jackson dart kind of has preseason Russell Wilson vibes from rookie year. Russell Wilson where everyone.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

He does. No, he's like fucking running around doing.

[B]

If Russell Wilson had aura. Yeah. Which he don't.

[A]

Well, in his defense, at the time, we didn't know Russell Wilson was kind of like a loser or.

[C]

He'S married to a pop star.

[A]

That's not. But it's like, that's not Dig.

[B]

It's actually so impressive that he is married to a pop star and he has no. So hard.

[A]

Everyone's like, I thought it was when he did the live stream.

[B]

Yeah, I'm married to Dua Lipa and everyone's like, boring. So pretty impressive. Out of. Out of rush.

[C]

Juiceless.

[B]

No juice. He's got no juice.

[A]

When he did the live stream, when he signed that big contract with the Broncos or Seahawks made extension. I forget what. She did it in bed with Ciara Sierra.

[C]

And I was like, I can't remember.

[A]

He said, he's like, I'm bad Mr. Unlimited.

[B]

God.

[A]

And I was like, I feel like. I don't know. I feel like it's weird that you're doing it from bed. Like, I feel like if you really were. I don't know.

[C]

I mean, I respect the attempt at. What did he say?

[A]

Get the fuck off this topic.

[C]

Neighbors, what did Russell Wilson say on that video? Do you guys remember? I think it was, I'm back for.

[B]

Oh, for the Giants. Because he has to have a catchphrase.

[A]

Go big Blue or something.

[B]

Go big blue. What was the Steelers one? I don't even remember. I kind of blacked it out.

[A]

He went to Primantis and said some shit. I don't know.

[C]

Broncos country.

[A]

The one Steelers fan left. Wait, but Neighbors. I want to give you a stat on Neighbors. Dk, let's get off the Russell Wilson video you saw two months ago. The.

[C]

I'm looking it up.

[A]

Okay. Fuck it. So unlimited.

[C]

Yeah, it's tough.

[A]

I found this stat that I thought encapsulates what I feel about Malik Neighbors, which is the positive, which is. Neighbors, in his first month with the Giants, had 50 targets. They threw the ball at the Malik neighbors 50 times just in September. So if you just look at the first four, and there's only really good data we have for the last 25 years on targets by week, and if you just look at basically who got 50 targets in September in the first four weeks of the season, that's like what Julio Jones got in the best season of his entire career, when he had the second most receiving yards ever in a season. 50 targets in September is what Cooper cup got when he won the Triple Crown. Malik Neighbors got that literally in the first four games he ever played in the NFL. Like, I know I sound hyperbolic as a Giants fan, but the Giants genuinely probably. I can't prove the last 80 years. Cloy Spock's 50s. But like, the Giants basically put more on elite Neighbors to start. Like, you are the centerpiece of our offense, like Cooper cup or Julio Jones as a rookie. And that's basically never happened before. Like, that's how good Malik Neighbors was. Brian Dable put his entire job on the guy just.

[B]

And he immediately delivered.

[A]

And he was incredible. He looked like he belonged.

[C]

Remember when we were drafting Marvin Harrison over him?

[A]

I think the best take we had all of last year was that if Marvin Harrison Jr. S name had just.

[B]

Been like, Dave Chase Brown.

[A]

Yeah, he would have. Yeah, we wouldn't have thought it was close, but yeah. So the upside with Neighbors is crazy, but I don't like that he's like 22 years old and has had a toe injury since college. A shoulder issue he's already gotten over and now a back issue and the season hasn't started. So in terms of just the first round picks, the talent's as high as any of these guys. But yeah, we know he's going to have a quarterback change probably so he's going to go from Russ to a rookie dart mid season. And these also the injuries. And I'm like, yeah, of all the Giants, like of all the first round picks, I'd be the least surprised. Like what if he just, I don't know, hurts his other toe and now.

[B]

We it's him and Puka Nuku, I guess are just, they're just injury concerns because. Yeah, with what with what Malik Neighbors was able to do last year with Daniel Jones and Tommy DeVito and Drew Locke, like Russell Wilson, Jackson Dart are upgrades.

[C]

The DeVito era was electric.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The DeVito era cost the Giants Jaden Daniels.

[C]

Don't think about it.

[A]

Where's my brother? You cheered for those goddamn wins.

[B]

You, you wanted it.

[A]

He was so excited about Tommy DeVito. I told you it was going to cost you, Drake. May God no one listens to me.

[C]

Hey, Fitz, you did it too.

[A]

He, I did it during the games, but that was like the flesh is weak. I was aware consciously this was bad idea. Look at this.

[C]

He's kidding. The game's end.

[A]

And I was like, that was bad.

[C]

Whatever vein in his forehead anyway.

[A]

All right, he's got neighbors. Craig, who's your pick here?

[B]

I guess we're kind of getting down to the bottom of the barrel here. I, I, I guess I'll pick Tyrone Tracy, which means I'm pro Scatter Boo. I don't know. It's like he's a fifth round, he was a fifth round guy last year as a rookie. He played well, I would say overachieved. But like they go in, they draft Scatter Boo. I think if anyone's going to take off in this offense, it's going to be Scatterable. I mean he's like an extremely prolific college player. I think Tyrone Tracy is a good one B. And you know, I just think the upside is pretty limited. I think he's a solid player, but like, I'm not sure if he's going to be the guy that wins you your league. So it's probably not worth a pick compared to a guy like Scatterboo who I think actually could win your league.

[C]

I'm going the Other way. Oh. I kind of think Tracy is the buy. The buy right now over Scatterboo. What's that?

[B]

Over Scatterboo.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think he's been kind of their starter the whole preseason. Obviously Scatter Boo is hurt right now, which is always.

[B]

Well, he's back now, but he was hurt.

[C]

Oh, okay. It's a hammy, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Don't like that torn hammy. Technically tore his hammy.

[B]

That's what. You know.

[C]

Yeah. Just ripped it.

[B]

Just ripped it right off.

[C]

And he has. And Tracy has more experience.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think just it's.

[B]

It Craig.

[A]

I was the most dismissive thing.

[B]

Like, I guess. Yeah. Like a six year vet. But. Yeah.

[C]

Don't get mad at me.

[B]

Okay. You're right. You're right.

[A]

Right. I. I agree with Craig like two weeks ago. But now I agree with DK because I actually agree. Like, I'm trying.

[B]

Because Scoo's been out for the last.

[A]

If you're talking about who's going to you, like, I kind of think Scaboo kind bothers me because my original thesis.

[B]

Who's going to. He was relative. It's like where you're drafting Tyrone Tracy. I don't even think it's possible.

[A]

That's fair. You're taking Tracy over like Ricky Parasol or Matthew Gold. Those guys. I'm like, that's probably a bad idea. I'd rather throw the dart on Scaboo. But like Sc. I will say Scoo. I still can't get over this. Kim Scataboo out of Arizona State. If you don't know. He had more scrimmage yards than Ash and Genty in college. Last year. He led the nation in touches. He could run, he can catch. He can block, he can throw, he can kick.

[B]

He can fly.

[A]

You'd fly.

[B]

He can. You ran with that. Yeah, well. What? He's the only guy since McCaffrey to have over 1600 yards rushing and 600 yards receiving.

[A]

He got the IV forever.

[B]

I think it's ever.

[A]

He got the IV and threw up in a trash can and then like kept playing. Which I haven't seen since DK like 20 minutes before he went on stage. But.

[C]

Well, that's kind of a good idea. The IV before the show. Try that.

[A]

You should thought Elizabeth, write that down for next time. I will say that to button this all up. I was like trying to make Scatterboo a thing. And then I realized at the end of the day is a fourth round rookie who while I believe in him long term, was so Slow. He didn't run a 40 at the combine.

[B]

I don't care. It makes me like him even more.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

He's the poster child for the disregarding all stat nerd, spark score crap. And being like, I watched that guy. He's awesome. He's all vibes. He's likable.

[A]

He's going to follow him into war.

[B]

Yeah. I don't give a. If he runs a 47.

[A]

Cast him as Ajax in the Iliad or whatever Christian Nolan's filming.

[B]

I'm in. I just like him. He's all vibes. In the 14th round, I'm gonna be like, well, his spark score was low, so I'm not gonna draft him.

[A]

We're gonna take.

[B]

Can't scatter.

[C]

I didn't bring up his spark score. Right.

[B]

I bet you know it.

[C]

I was thinking it.

[A]

So real quick here before we get off the Giants and Jets to talk about, like, the other 30 teams, I do want to just. We got an email here from. You didn't write your name. Oh, no.

[C]

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

[B]

Yeah, Kelly.

[A]

Thank you. The only woman in the crowd. That's crazy. Blink twice if you need help. Kelly says I basically raw dog, eat breakfast. I don't eat breakfast. Okay. Wow, that's wild.

[C]

Okay, raw dog, breakfast time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kelly says given Jackson dart's been playing well, do you think he's still an option to stream on waivers or do I need to draft him late?

[C]

Draft him? No, you could probably pick him up. Depends on the type of league, I guess.

[B]

One quarterback league.

[C]

No. Right.

[A]

One quarterback league. I really don't think they play him for two months. Unless the Giants suck because again, like, the schedule sucks.

[B]

Yeah, there's. There's no, like, realistic place to kind of ease him into the schedule until like, week 12, but that feels so long.

[A]

If Brian Dable puts Jackson dart in when it's Eagles, Broncos, Eagles, I'm going to kill him.

[C]

Eagles, Broncos, Eagles. That's what the Steelers did with Kenny Picket, right?

[A]

Yes. Ruined his career.

[C]

That went well.

[B]

Yeah, he would have been great.

[C]

Come to think of it, we were.

[B]

Actually talking about would have gone pro if coach didn't hate me. Yeah, for sure. He's doing well in the Browns right now, I think.

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Bleacher Report. Football is back. And downloading the Bleacher Report app puts you in the middle of the action. Make Bleach Report your go to this season for the fastest breaking news alerts covering NFL and college football. And don't miss A moment with highlights scores and live reactions in the app. Get expert analysis on your favorite teams and the news that you want this season. Download the Bleacher Report app today. All right, let's do, let's do a little, we're going to do a little segment here which is a favorite ours, which is name brand, off brand. The people scattered individual woos.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Smattering of cheers so we're going to.

[A]

Just go through a bunch of players and we're just going to tell you like, you know, there's a name brand version and then the store brand version. It's a little cheaper and sometimes it's basically just as good. So, you know, Craig, why don't you.

[B]

Yeah, so my first one here. So my name brand is going to be Burrow, Joe Burrow and T. Higgins on the Bengals and my off brand is going to be Dak Prescott and George Pickens. And this is like when you're at TSA pre check and you look over at the regular security line and it's like shorter. Everyone precheck is out of TSA PreCheck. Why? You know what I mean? Like you, they just passed the law. You don't have to take your shoes off in the regular line anymore. So what's the point? You don't have to take your laptop out.

[A]

Do you really not?

[B]

No, you don't. You don't take your shoes off.

[A]

When did that start?

[B]

Like a month ago. Fuck yeah. It's like when you're driving and you're like changing lanes, you get lane envy. You like look over like that. Lane looks shorter. That's how I felt. And I think that is, honestly, I think the Cowboys this year could be the 2024 Bengals. But you get them for half the price.

[A]

Price.

[B]

I think they could lead the league in passing. I think Dak Prescott is going to just air it out to Pickens and CD Lamb. You look back at last year in the Bengals, they scored 472 points and people are like, oh my God, the Bengals aired out all these points. The Cowboys the year before that had 30 more points. They were first in the NFL, 509 points in 2023.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, I actually think it's kind of the same situation. But you can get, you know, DAK Prescott's going 60 picks later and Pickens is going 30 picks later than Higgins and Burrow. And we've seen Dak do it. We've seen it happen. Dak was the top five quarterback two years ago. So I'm like, this is just the cheap Bengals right now.

[C]

Do you think. Do you think Pickens has pre check?

[B]

No way.

[A]

Do you think he was organized enough to schedule that meeting?

[B]

He forgets his bag.

[C]

Just imagine the interview.

[A]

Imagine picking up like some Uber driver, pick up George Pickens, go to the airport. He's like, yeah, I'm going to my pre check meeting. I don't know.

[B]

Have you heard of that story about Kieran Culkin, about his flights? You know Kieran Culkin, the guy who played Roman Rod in succession? He. He just shows up to his flight without it, without a ticket, without a boarding pass. He shows up 20 minutes before, walks up to the front and goes, I think I have a flight soon. My name's. My name's Kieran Culkin. Should they like look him up and they're like, yeah, you do. They, like print out his boarding pass. He's like, when you're late, they just kind of escort you to the front of the line. And that's what he does every time.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Should we do that tomorrow? Flying to LA tomorrow. I'm really jealous of this Bengals. Cowboys. Take I. Because it's not just fantasy. Like, these are the same teams. Like, it's actually weird. Like there's this old Bill. Bill Parcell's quote that you never pick up where you left off. The Bengals are the best candidate I could ever remember to pick up exactly where they left off of the offense firing on all cylinders. The defense sucks ass.

[B]

The Burrow. The Burrow sack in preseason scared you? Jesus Christ. So I was kind of like, what are you doing, Joe? Throw the ball away. You know what I mean? He's scrambled.

[A]

He's never played in the preseason.

[C]

If you didn't see it, he. He scrambled around like three or four times. Like it was like Russell Wilson thing. And then he ran like a 30 yard loss. He like ran backwards. Like, get away from me.

[B]

It was almost a safety. It was a 30 yard loss.

[C]

Three guys jumped on him. Yeah, not great. He's a skinny dude.

[A]

But I feel like if you're going to. And this is one of the reasons I think Dak is a really good late round quarterback option too. Which is, to your point, to have a really good fantasy. One of the reasons it's hard to predict which pocket passer will be the best fantasy quarterback is the same reason. Just it's hard to predict who will lead the league in yards. It's because if you're winning a lot, you're not throwing for a lot of Yards. It's the weird circumstance of who's going to need to. Whose defense is going to suck so much that a good enough quarterback is going to have to throw to win every game. And the Cowboys and the Bengals are the same team where they're built around Dak like two quarterback who's like this old school. Peyton Manning. S directing everything, calling the productions to the line. Two elite receivers. They're going to funnel the entire game. Not an awesome running game, at least in Dallas. And then on defense, Cowboys and Bengals cannot stop the run. And the cornerbacks suck. And they're. And so to your point. Yeah, it's. They're probably going to lead the league in plays and pass attempts at completions, which they built. I think it's a really good call.

[B]

And it's just nice when you've seen it before. You can project, you know, teams like the Falcons, you're like, oh, they could air it out. Penix, all this stuff. It's all projection, hypothetical. Yeah. With the Cowboys, they're a little bit more secure.

[A]

Dk, give us a name brand. Off brand.

[C]

All right, I'm going to go with the name brand is Lions running back Jameer Gibbs. The off brand is just the darling of NFL preseason football. Treveon Henderson of the Patriots. Stylistically similar. The name brand, off brand example I'm gonna use here. Back in 1998, for some reason, Hollywood decided to make two separate movies about asteroids hitting Earth. One of them was Armageddon, which is like an instant classic. I asked you guys, what's the line that you think of from Armageddon that the first thing that comes to your.

[A]

Mind, they got space dementia. Oh, really? He says this Steve Buscemi, the guy who gets shot by the Joker in the Dark Knight, turns to Steve Buscemi.

[B]

He's like, he's got space dementia. I think of, I don't know that one.

[A]

No one remembers that one.

[B]

I don't know that one.

[A]

It's the quietest.

[B]

I guess I'd have space dementia because I don't remember that. But is it weird? I always think about the director's commentary clip of Ben Affleck, like, drunkenly. And like, why would they ever teach drillers to be astronauts and not astronauts to be drillers?

[C]

Astronauts can figure out how to drill a hole. So I always think of Ben Affleck singing My Bags are Packed, I'm not gonna leave. I can't sing anyway. The other one some people may remember was Deep Impact, which there's like, no woos.

[B]

Yeah, A Movie I have not seen.

[C]

6Th highest grossing movie of the year. Did anybody actually watch this movie? Is it good?

[B]

Does anybody think it's better than Armageddon? Good? Hell, yeah.

[C]

But he said it was good. And one guy.

[B]

A lot of money.

[A]

That's the Internet. One guy says something, and in real life you're like, that's not that many.

[C]

Listen. Movie had a lot of fucking stars in it. Robert Duvall, Morgan fucking Freeman. As mentioned, it was produced by Steven Spielberg.

[A]

Whoa, whoa, Dad, I told you to stop talking.

[C]

It grossed over 300 million.

[B]

Anyway, better time.

[C]

I haven't actually seen it. And that's kind of how I feel about Travyon Anderson.

[B]

We haven't seen Trayvon Anderson. We've only seen the trailer.

[C]

Yeah, right. We've seen the trailer. Trailer rips trailer. Yeah.

[B]

My God. But you think Trayvon will make a deep impact this year on the Patriots?

[C]

Yeah. Wait, what? I didn't hear.

[B]

I said so you think. Can you repeat the joke? Will make a deep impact on the Patriots this year?

[C]

That was worth the second one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Anyway, again, similar styles. We don't have. We have a lot of question marks about the Lions offense with them switching offensive coordinators.

[A]

What the fuck?

[C]

Don't spill water on your mic. Whoops.

[A]

Sorry. I. I lost my train of thought. Good, because that's.

[B]

Open this. Why are you opening it right now in the middle of your.

[C]

Craig, will you open this for me?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

These are huge.

[A]

What are you even? Who are you even?

[C]

That's what she said in the crowd. I heard it. Anyway. Okay. Anyway. They're both.

[B]

They're both pure sex.

[C]

They're both pure sex as running backs. Deep impact, if you will.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. That's all. That's all I got. Do you want me to give more?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

We don't know what the offense is going to look like without Ben Johnson. The offensive line is kind of in flux right now with the Lions. And then obviously, on the other hand, I'm kind of excited about the Patriots offensive line right now. Their rookie, Will Campbell on the left side has looked really good in the preseason. There's Jared Wilson. Their third rounder has gotten a lot of hype so far. Like they could be. They could make a huge jump offensively. And you can obviously get Trayvon Henderson quite a bit later than Jimmy. Jimmy Gibbs, first pick overall in some leagues.

[B]

Yeah. Do you think Travion is. Is the most popular sleeper in fantasy football right now?

[A]

Yeah, him and Mecca.

[C]

So he's not really? That off brand?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, he is in the sense that you're getting him a little later.

[C]

He did make 300 million and was directed or no, produced by Steven Spielberg.

[A]

Yeah, Henderson. Produced by my name brand, off brand. This one's pretty simple. It's just basically my name brand is George Kittle, who's the tight end for the 49ers. And George Kittle is like Matt Damon in the Jason Bourne movies. And then my off brand is Tyler Warren, the tight end for the Colts. And you know how they couldn't get Matt Damon to make a fourth Jason Bourne movie?

[C]

I'm not doing another one.

[A]

So they got Jeremy Renner.

[B]

Let's just get Renner. He'll do it.

[A]

That's Tyler Warren.

[C]

Jeremy Renner is off brown off brand.

[B]

Matt Damon is really good, I gotta say, man. They tried with Renner. Renner's like the 90s bills. He's like. They threw him. They threw him. Mission Impossible. They threw him Bourne, they gave him a Marvel superhero. None of them worked. They put him in Tag that comedy. He broke both of his hands and they had to CGI his hands for the rest of the movie. It's never worked. You know that. There was a Hawkeye TV show. I had no idea. Six episodes in 2021.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Somebody saw it. What?

[C]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I watched that and I don't remember, dude.

[A]

So I. Jeremy Renner, before various other things happen in his life. I wrote an entire article for the Ringer about how he had this. His own app. It was the Jeremy Renner app. And I thought it was the weirdest thing ever.

[B]

Why are people wooing.

[A]

Seek help. I downloaded. Dude, it was so fucked up.

[C]

You can app Craig.

[A]

It was honestly kind of like. It was kind of like true social before it's time. It was like Jeremy Renner. It was just. Honestly, it was like if Kim Jong Un made Facebook. But it was just about him. You were only allowed to post about on Jeremy's wall about Jeremy. It was crazy.

[B]

It was like Matt Damon coming back for Bourne is sad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Tom Cruise needs to give it up already.

[C]

Jeremy renner Shot an 18.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Gave it up.

[B]

Too easy to play 18 hole in ones in a row. Yeah.

[A]

DK, give us another name brand offering.

[B]

Oh, you're done with. With Warren and Kittle. I like that one. That one's good.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean my favorite, Tyler Warren's really simple. If Kittle's expensive to get, which he will be. And I think Kittle's a Great player to get, but you can't because people like great tight ends. The Tyler Warren is Tyler Warren. Like the new NFL combine site is like NFL combine IQ and they have a production score. Tyler Warren's like the 98th percentile for production in college of every tight end ever. Like, Tyler Warren was the only player in the Power 5 conferences last year to have 100 catches. He's a fucking tight end. He tied the record for most catches in a game ever by a tight end like Tyler Warren. Frankly, because he has long hair, people think he can block, but he can't. He's a receiver. And so like it's just this weird thing like long hair, Shocky Kittle. He can block. He can't. He's a fucking wide receiver and he's.

[C]

Going to be on The Colts like 200 something yards rushing.

[A]

Yeah. Yes, he can throw. And Daniel Jones, you're a Giants fan, you know the whole offense was no one figured out he's just going to bootleg throw to the Daniel Bellinger, the tight end for half a season. It's going to be all these throws at Tyler Warren. So I think he's the best chance at a tight end that's going to be a top five guy for the rest of the season. That's my Tyler Warren pitch.

[B]

It's a great call. He checks a lot of boxes because it's like for a tight end to pop, he needs to have basically no strong competition, which he doesn't. And he needs to play all the time. And you've already seen it in the preseason. They've had 35 snaps with the first team offense and he's played 34 of them. So he kind of. He checks all the boxes. It's like after Bowers, McBride and George Kittle, I do think he has the best chance to be the fourth guy out of all those later round tight ends.

[A]

Do you have another name brand off brand Craig?

[B]

Well, I do think we should probably talk about. It's actually not name brand. Off brand. I want to talk about Daniel Jones and Anthony Richardson. It's off brand. Off brand. So Shane Steichen, the coach of the Colts recently chose Daniel Jones to start over. Anthony Richardson, which is like, okay, you know, this is like, this is like retiring your motorcycle to drive around a 1979 Ford Pinto, you know, which like I guess this is better.

[C]

I had to explain this joke to Craig.

[B]

TK told me to pick that car.

[C]

Craig's too young to understand.

[B]

I was going to say like a 94 Honda Accord and he was like, no, no. 97 Pinto.

[C]

If you're trading in a very dangerous vehicle for another very dangerous vehicle, it's got to be the 1979 Ford Pinto, which for those of you who are too young, was known for being really exploding.

[B]

You mean literally exploding?

[C]

Like it would explode a lot? There was a lot of explosions. If anyone saw the movie. Top secret. Any top secret fans out here? There was a bit in the movie. You guys haven't seen that movie? It's fucking.

[A]

I have no idea.

[C]

It's Val Kilmer's like. Like how he broke into the industry. It's like really funny. It's total slapstick. Weird. But there's a scene where it's like in Nazi Germany and something like one of the. One of the Not.

[B]

Is that Jelly the Bear?

[C]

Jelly.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Did he escape?

[A]

I can see the zipper.

[C]

I can see the snaps.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

What the hell is the thing on the head?

[B]

There's a literal zipper.

[C]

He's moving like a 20 year old bear.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

It looks like a 20 year old bear. Oh, my God.

[B]

Not so hard. We can do it too. All right. Not that hard to move.

[C]

Magic.

[B]

Yeah, a little bit of movie magic.

[C]

Jelly.

[B]

All right.

[C]

I got a bear guy.

[A]

That was weird. Yeah, that was crazy.

[B]

Really polite bear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wearing loafers.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Very stylish bear.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, Those are nice bears.

[C]

Up on all the current trends. I feel like I should finish my top secret story.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

You want to talk about Jelly the Bear?

[A]

Literally, the bear tried to save you from finishing the story.

[C]

I'm drowning out here.

[B]

Bear. The bear was like top secret. Val Kilmer.

[C]

Anyway, a Nazi car hit, like barely touches a Pinto and it goes like ding. And it's like. Anyway, so that's the joke.

[B]

I explained it and that's Daniel Jones.

[A]

Thank God we came back to that.

[C]

Yeah. But more importantly, watch Top secret. Great movie.

[B]

Dk. How do you feel about Steichen choosing Daniel Jones over Anthony Richardson?

[C]

I think. I don't know. I think it's dumb. Like Daniel Jones looks exactly like he's always looked the last. Well, his whole career, basically. But I think it's like they're. They're trying to go for the floor play, right? Like he can run our offense or whatever. But I just keep coming back to the thing. Like the year in which Daniel Jones got his big money extension, like 100 million plus dollars.

[B]

160.

[C]

He. He had 15 passing touchdowns.

[B]

People physically recoiling. That's high. It was that high. Really? He only played Six.

[A]

What did you say his record was after he signed?

[B]

I love this. He so. I mean, the Steelers have been shit for 10 years. Daniel Jones signed a four year, $160 million deal, and after that he only played 16 games for the Giants. So 16 games for $160 million. He won three of them. So he got paid. I said, you know, not really, but he was getting paid $10 million a year to go 3 and 13.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

$10 million a game. $10 million a game.

[C]

That sounds better. Yeah. Yeah. 15 passing touchdowns. That big season. I just want to say for context. For context.

[B]

That was so dry of you.

[C]

Derek Carr.

[B]

15. That big. That big year.

[C]

Derek Carr threw 15 passing touchdowns last season in 10 games, and the city of New Orleans hated him so much, he retired. He's announcing football games now.

[A]

When he retired, everyone was like, thank God. I feel.

[C]

I'm starting to feel bad for Derek.

[B]

I just don't. What's. What's Dyken's play here? Because it's like, all right, best case scenario, you, like, go nine and eight, sneak into a wild card round. Is that like enough to save your job?

[A]

I think. I mean, I think they either think Richardson needs a fire on his ass, but I think in reality they're thinking they need to win games. Like, you know what's funny? Top of your head. How many games do you think the Colts won last year?

[B]

Because you'd think it was they won nine.

[A]

Yeah. Or eight. But yeah, they went eight, nine. You're like, yeah. All we talk about is negative shit. And they're like, well, they were one game winning. Like a winning season.

[B]

Is that more of an argument to go with Richardson?

[A]

No, he probably just sucks that much. Like, it's like Survivor, my friend. Like, I was kind of like, why did this guy win and they choose the other guy? And you're like, we are seeing so little. It's like they are making this decision with so much more time spent around these people that if they're not choosing Anthony Richardson, he really must suck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, there's no other way to say it.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[B]

There's one problem. Happy?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Not any good.

[B]

Not any good.

[C]

You have a Dale Jones.

[A]

So with that said, I think that's all we got for name brand. Off brand.

[C]

I got one more.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Do we need to move on or can I do mine?

[B]

We can do whatever we want. Go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's our fucking show. It's fair.

[C]

That's fair. Okay. So my name. Brand. Off brand. I'm pretty proud of this one. I'm going to pander to my geriatric millennial crowd here if they're. Yeah. Okay, so name brand, Chase Brown of the Bengals. Off brand, Chuba Hubbard of the Panthers. That's not the pandering. Okay, so name brand, peak era Facebook. Facebook has a bad rap now. I get it. But it was pretty cool. It was like pretty sleek, exclusive. Back in the day, you had to have like a specific email address, like college email address, use it. And it made photos a thing, I think. Photos. The reason you could do photos in Facebook, it was like, that was a game changer. And basically it took over the space. And then the off brand was Peak Era MySpace. I actually went to MySpace today, so that was pretty fun.

[B]

How was it?

[C]

MySpace. Did you ever do MySpace?

[B]

Yeah, I had a MySpace. You never had a MySpace?

[A]

No.

[B]

What? Why is that bad?

[A]

I'm shocked. You did?

[C]

Yeah, I'm kind of shocked too, actually. Really?

[A]

I don't, I don't.

[C]

Why? I don't know. I thought it was gone by the time you guys.

[B]

All right, you're between 30 and 33. Did you have a MySpace? Yeah, come on. All right.

[A]

What about 30? Wow. Okay.

[C]

Anyway, MySpace, top friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You could put a song in your profile that was cool. You could add a seizure inducing background skin. You could send people gifts of shooting stars and sparkly text that said thanks for the ad or Happy birthday.

[B]

And you got to rank your friends, which was.

[C]

And you have your top eight or whatever, and you would rank your friend. It probably changed depending on the mood.

[B]

Did anybody else, like, there was a whole thing where if you didn't want to have to like pick your top friend and make another friend. Geology, everybody would just put Tom as their top friend.

[A]

The only guy who ever figured out how to do life, that guy Take your $800 million and never be seen ever again. Tom.

[C]

Fucking legend. That was the other thing I was going to say is the person who started MySpace arguably not a monster.

[B]

So unlike Chase Brown, that piece of shit.

[C]

Fuck Chase. Piece of shit. Okay, here's, here's, here's my take on these two players. So obviously we like Chase Brown so much. He's a good player. But the big thing is he has incredible volume, right? Like volume is king.

[B]

He's on the field all the time, right?

[C]

He has. So last year, after Chase Brown became the starter for the Bengals till the end of the season. These are numbers. Chase Brown snap rate, Chuba Hubbard, 80. Or, sorry. Chase Brown snap rate 78%. Chuba Hubbard, 85. Chuba Hubbard had the whole backfield for the Panthers last year. Chase Brown Rushing yards, 760. Chuba Hubbard, 802. Chuba Hubbard, sorry. Chase Brown Scrimmage yards, 98 a game. Chuba Hubbard a little less, 89. If you look at the stats, like, Chuba basically just comes in a little bit behind Chase Brown in everything except for touchdowns. And so I think, obviously we're pretty bullish on the Panthers next year. I think their offense is going to be a lot better than it was last year. And Chase Brown is just a whole lot more expensive. He's RB11 right now is probably going up by the time people draft, maybe like even higher. And Chuba Hubbard, you know, he's quite a bit the ways down the list, so I just think he's a great value. The Panthers did add my boy Rico Dowdle in the off season, so he might not have like 85% of the snaps or whatever, but he's still going to get probably the most valuable ones.

[A]

I actually.

[C]

I actually like this one. Like, I'm not just trying to be funny.

[B]

That's good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, I could tell when you said your boy Rico Dowdle, I was.

[B]

Like, whoa, my boy. I keep thinking about Chase Brown now as Mark Zuckerberg, who started.

[C]

He started wearing a chain.

[B]

Who is Eduardo Saverin then? Zach Moss. He's like, you fucked me out of the Bengals, Kicked me out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Well, yeah, there you go. Chuba Hubbard is Tom from Facebook. Tom from MySpace.

[C]

MySpace was kind of underrated.

[B]

Kind of overrated or underrated?

[C]

I like MySpace.

[A]

Is it underrated or were you just younger and had more hair when you were using MySpace, what was your.

[B]

Do you remember? Like, what was.

[A]

People thought that was mean. Thank you.

[C]

Low Bo Lost the crowd.

[A]

All right. Shit.

[B]

What was your.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

What was your song on Facebook? On your profile. On MySpace. On your profile.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

Do you remember?

[C]

On my myspaces. I don't know.

[B]

Probably something like, what were you into?

[C]

I was gonna say My Chemical Romance or something like Teenagers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, not by my early stuff.

[C]

I knew it before you.

[A]

I don't know. All right, that's all we got for name brand, our friend. Yeah, I want it. Thank you. Yeah, thanks.

[B]

Jelly Hyphens did say that. Like, it deserved applause. He's like, that's all we got for.

[A]

Tell DK or Craig. I'm gonna do this because I just didn't realize that my dad was.

[C]

Oh, did he leave Putting away his computer. What are we Doing here?

[A]

Oh, is he there? Oh, he's gone. Oh, well, dad, you missed your chance. All right, I was gonna ask my dad if you would tell us about the process of how he discovered Joe Burrow. So let me know if he comes back because I. You guys, like, you have to hear it from him. But for now, we're gonna do some emails.

[C]

Emails, emails.

[A]

So thank you everyone that wrote in and emailed in. And I want to start with. And again, thank you to the people who included the breakfast, which is saying we're trying to get going off the ground.

[B]

I love it. I love reading every single one.

[A]

So this one is from right on the back. Crystal.

[B]

Crystal Seabone.

[A]

Two women with a C or a.

[B]

K. It could be a K. Bone, possibly. No, it's a seabone.

[A]

Oh, Crystal in the front. Guys got the same Super Bowl 42 shirt I do. Goddamn right. This is original, baby. Anyway, Crystal wrote. Hey guys, I have coffee and love a solid breakfast sandwich, bacon, egg and cheese. Hold the bacon, it says. No, that's. She says.

[C]

Delicious.

[A]

This is great. My low stakes conspiracy theory is that my colleague, who I see on Microsoft Teams every day. My theory is my colleague only owns one blue button down shirt. Yes, I see it every day. He's from Belgium. Maybe that's a thing there. And why does every man in corporate America and abroad love a blue shirt?

[C]

It's just so versatile.

[B]

An oxford blue can. You can do anything with it, really.

[A]

I. This is a real thing. I'm not gonna lie. When I was like an intern in la, I definitely had like two nice shirts.

[B]

Yeah. How often do you see him wearing the shirt? Every day.

[A]

Every day.

[C]

I was like picturing. I think it's one of those. It's like one of those things like when you go to the barber, you just like snap on the like cloak or it's like. It's just like the top. It cuts off right here. Midriff.

[A]

Oh, like that commercial for John Clayton back in the day.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Slayer. Mom. Mom. I'm done with my segment.

[B]

Oh, that's great. What's weirder? That he wears the same one every day or that he has six of the exact same shirt?

[A]

The same one every day is actually weirdly more understandable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the 6 implies he knows he needs more, but just did the six, which is like weirder as. That's a great theory. She's probably right.

[C]

I mean. Yeah. As people who are on how can. We're on video now all the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

As. As. As one of the three of Us. The people that are on. I'm like, man, I hope no one's making fun of my clothes on a podcast as people.

[A]

Theoretically. Hypothetically. On a 15 day work trip while recording 10 episodes. Yeah. I wonder about repeat clothes. This one's from. Who the fuck wrote Handsome Bob? Come on. Called yourself. Should we make him stand up? That's rude.

[C]

No, we better be handsome.

[B]

We spotlight him.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. We have a spotlight. Where the.

[C]

Is this like the ironic thing? Like when you.

[B]

Oh. Stand up.

[A]

Where the. Is Bob?

[B]

Bob. Where are you?

[A]

Find him. Is he handsome?

[B]

Chiseled jaw.

[A]

Bob's low stakes conspiracy theory is that Craig's story about getting offered a volleyball scholarship is.

[B]

So funny. Prove it.

[C]

Prove it. Do you have the letter?

[A]

Where's your letter of intent?

[B]

I have it framed at home. I don't know. It was College of the Redwoods. It was like a fake school. I got a letter from them.

[C]

It's even better.

[B]

Inquiring about my volleyball skills. Barely a school. It's. It's so. It's such a lame school that I feel like if I were to make that up, I would have picked a cooler school.

[C]

Or is it so.

[A]

No, it sounds like. No, it sounds. All right, let me get this straight. You were offered a scholarship by College of the Redwoods and your high school was California high school?

[B]

That is true.

[A]

The fakest shit I've ever heard.

[B]

Go Grizzlies. We just also stole the Cal Berkeley logo.

[C]

The Grizzlies. Jelly the Bear.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Hold on. College of the Redwoods mascot.

[A]

It's probably. It's probably Redwood. Bro. This is like Staten island in Ireland. Does that count?

[B]

Is Staten island and Island.

[C]

The Corsairs.

[A]

What's a Corsair?

[C]

Corsairs like a pirate.

[A]

Oh. Corset is what you wear in Pirates of Caribbean. Never been to Singapore. I know. Close enough. She's fine. Me. All right. This one. This email is from. They didn't write their name down. Good. Because I was going to make fun of you. Fun fact. I'm an extra. Happy Gilmore too. That's cool. But I wrote. I read this because you said you. Doesn't matter. The.

[C]

It was an extra in Happy Gilmore too.

[B]

Extra and Happy Gilmore. That matters.

[A]

Cool. That's cool. Not why I read it. I read it said their breakfast is peanut butter on eggs. You. Bro.

[C]

There's a guy in the front row.

[A]

Going on the eggs.

[B]

Did you mean peanut butter and eggs?

[A]

How do you even get the efficacy of the eggs to be able to, like, smooth?

[B]

I feel like the peanut Butters are.

[C]

Just going to be sliding.

[B]

What do you think? What was. How did he like his eggs in this scenario?

[A]

It's got to be like poached. Oh, God.

[B]

Poached.

[A]

How do you even do that?

[B]

He makes a peanut butter hole in toast.

[A]

That's actually.

[B]

What do you mean? He does eggs and peanut butter on toast.

[A]

Should have wrote on toast. Wouldn't have sword cut both ways. I wouldn't have read that one.

[C]

But these guys get really mad about what they put on anyway.

[B]

Peanut butter and eggs.

[A]

This one is from. This one's from Bill.

[B]

Billy. Bill.

[A]

Bill's breakfast is oatmeal and a protein shake. Cool. Bill says, I love it. Bill wrote my name is actually Bill.

[B]

His legal name is just Bill.

[C]

I love this. Wait, his full name? Like his full name?

[A]

My name is actually Bill.

[B]

How old is he? Do we know?

[A]

31. He wrote it.

[B]

31 year old named Bill.

[A]

31.

[C]

The only 30 year old named Bill. I love it.

[A]

My parents. So he says, my parents are first generation and at the time Bill Clinton was president during my presidency. My parents did not know that Bill was a nickname for William. So Bill is my government name.

[C]

Is this Bill Skarsgard? Bill Skarsgard out there?

[A]

Bill Skarsgard. So he says. I've met one other Bill in like my 30s, in the same age as me my entire life, and he told me that he had the exact same story.

[B]

Really? The parents are like, all right, we can't go wrong with Bill. Right. The name of the president, that's got to play. That's really funny.

[A]

This email's from Jesse. Jesse said choose our draft order. Jesse, Emily, Andrew, D. Amanda. Oh, there's a lot of names.

[B]

Wait, choose the draft order.

[C]

We're going to choose for their league.

[A]

The women go first because they came.

[B]

Read the names.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Well, Jesse, Emily, Andrew, Amanda, Sammy, Dan. You know, when I read this in the green room, I didn't realize how hard it would be to just like.

[C]

The departed name your name. Your 12 brothers. Yeah, I'm kind of like have to depart it. Sorry.

[A]

Go. You know what, I'm. We'll email you. I'm not going to do this one.

[B]

Can we just pick first pick?

[A]

What?

[B]

Let's just pick first pick.

[A]

Yeah. Holly. Holly. I don't see Holly a lot.

[B]

Yeah, we'll go with Holly. And dead last is Dan. I got enough Danny in my life. You know what I mean? He can be less.

[C]

I like the 12:1 turn.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. We may have just gave Dan a.

[A]

Title this is from Eli. Oh, Eli Ebone E piece. What is your. What is your favorite? Oh, you probably was what Eli Manning's mother calls Eli Manning.

[B]

All right, relax.

[C]

E Pie.

[A]

Eat like E Pie. Pedy pie and E Pie. That's what she calls.

[B]

Do you call him that in your dreams?

[A]

Yeah, he wants to. That's an exer Bowls. Yeah. EPI writes. What is your favorite or most embarrassing memory of Ben Solak from the show Asked by friend of Ben Solak. And I know your cousin is here.

[B]

Too because he cousin is here. Yeah. Steeler fan.

[C]

Where is he? Wait, he gave us the name. Hold on. Let's.

[A]

He'll be the cousin probably is the kid who looks like the nerd in the NFL plus commercial so you can find them.

[B]

Where is he?

[A]

My, the Ben Solak memory is easy.

[B]

Zach. What's up, Zach?

[A]

My favorite soul like thing was easily when he didn't know any members of the Beatles. Beatles, yes. Not even close.

[B]

And he said Ringo Star. Ringo Star was good.

[C]

I mean look, when. When I heard the Go Birds early on in the in the show I was just like, ah, love Solak, Ms. Solak. Go birds. I would choose when Solak and I used to gang up on high Fitz for the funny things he would say like Maestro Solak like for like he just gets. Gets me like people riled up. He's really good at just like going dude.

[A]

He was like. When I said what did I. I.

[C]

Can'T say the Maestro play and it's Maestro whatever.

[B]

And I whatever on the grand scale is not the worst one.

[A]

Not English.

[B]

No.

[A]

It's a fucking different language.

[C]

Yeah, but the part. Hi Fitz. For the 100 millionth time it's cuz you defend it like that. Just say oh, I messed up.

[A]

It's a word in Spanish Life life.

[C]

Is easier when you say ah. That's my bad.

[B]

Sonny is worse that Sonny. Sonny. And Sher is bad.

[C]

Sonny is.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

How is that possible?

[B]

Sonny Corlee.

[C]

Sonny.

[A]

Sonny just thought Marlon Brando was talking weird. I thought he was saying it wrong. I don't know. Oh my God.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Fuck. This is from Jennifer.

[B]

Jen J.

[A]

Bone. I ate a Trader Joe's egg sandwich for breakfast. Okay, cool. I like that. I wonder if she put peanut butter on it.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

I felt like he was like clowning that. I like that.

[A]

What song would Taylor Swift choose to sing the super bowl halftime show if she did it? Which for those who don't know, we do believe the conspiracy theory that when the Kelsey, she dropped the new strike, we actually do believe that she's gonna be the halftime show this year, and they're gonna announce it, like, the next five weeks. And I thought my take on this is.

[B]

What song would she open with?

[A]

What would she open with? Which I feel like it would be an ERAS tour where one song per era. So I feel like it's just either, like, love story to start or love story to end.

[B]

I got an idea. Do you belong with me? Music video. It could be her. Like, well, if Travis isn't in the game, do you think Travis shows up on stage?

[A]

If Serena Williams danced for Kendrick, then.

[B]

Like, yeah, they do the. Like, the. You know, the love actually, like, riding on the science thing from the music video.

[A]

Would Kelsey agree to that? When it's like, you're not in the game and you're there, it's kind of like loser energy.

[B]

Yeah, it is kind of loser energy. You belong with me was my thought. Do you have a thought?

[A]

I think Love Story, it's. I think Love story would be first or last. Right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, can you name it to lose this song.

[C]

Bad, Bad blood.

[A]

Okay. Congrats.

[C]

I have zero reason to say that.

[A]

I don't know why we got an email here from Baldy B Bone. All right, Baldy, what rank would Jelly the Bear have in the military?

[C]

First off, we got to figure out what. What service he's in.

[B]

Army.

[A]

Trolling.

[B]

Asian.

[C]

Air Force. Army, Marines, Navy.

[A]

Based on that, he'd be like, he's.

[C]

Not a coast guard, right? I don't know.

[A]

Peaky Blinders, who's, like, a tunneler.

[B]

I love dk. He's not a coast guard, obviously. That wouldn't make any sense.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

You're right. He's in the Air Force. He's like.

[C]

He's a diesel mechanic. Just, like, knows how to fix boats. Wait, what?

[B]

I don't know what he'd be, but he wouldn't do a good job.

[C]

He's lazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What's the rank where once you become a certain age, you just fucking mail it in.

[A]

Podcaster. I don't know.

[C]

Rank. Master Sergeant.

[A]

Dude.

[C]

Sorry, I don't know.

[A]

Oh, I thought you said master Chief. For a second, I was gonna get mad about Halo, but also, DK made fun of me because he was like, you love A levels by Avicii. And I was like, everyone 30 loves levels by Avicii.

[B]

It's our. It's our stairway to heaven.

[C]

That's pretty good, actually. Yeah, I understand now. It's your. Smells like Teen Spirit.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I got an audible. Oh, my God. That was awesome.

[B]

Do you think.

[C]

This is, like, my nightmare? An audible? What?

[B]

Dead silent.

[C]

Do you think our children 30 years.

[B]

From now will think levels is lame? Is that a guarantee? Or they'd be like, this is.

[A]

Yeah. It's like. We were like, no, you understand. No one had, like, made electronic music before.

[B]

It was, like, crazy. Yeah, that's fair.

[A]

And, like, it was. Yeah. What are we gonna say? He was like a dj. Like, what are we gonna say?

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

High Fitz listens to Avicii when he's jaywalking. It's this anthem.

[B]

Remember when DK said skyscraper?

[A]

Skyscraper. Like, unironically?

[B]

He was like, we're in a skyscraper right now. New York City.

[C]

That exact tone.

[B]

Yeah. We were like, okay.

[C]

And then you guys made fun of me for saying skyscraper.

[A]

For the next 15 minutes now on, I'm gonna ask.

[C]

We're in a tall building.

[A]

From now on, I'm gonna be like. Remember when you said, does Staten island count as an island? That's gonna be my go to. I was joking. All right, this email's from Josh.

[B]

Josh.

[A]

Jbone. Joshua. Josh, I'm letting you write it. I'm letting you know in advance. I read this because I was flabbergasted by this question. Do I let my wife take our daughter to the dark side and be a Cowboys fan, or do I coerce my daughter to be a Giants fan?

[B]

So he's a Giants fan. His wife is a Cowboys fan.

[A]

Do I. If you're a Giants fan, do I let my daughter be a.

[B]

Like, what does that even mean? How do you let her not let. Let what? She's gonna do whatever she wants to do.

[A]

No, he's capitulating.

[C]

You don't choose who you're a fan of.

[B]

I feel like the more you try and force her to be one thing, she'll just go the other way.

[A]

No, you buy her merch. No, that's. That's crazy. Do you know how many people have a story of, like, I had a helmet that was ice cream out of when I was 8, and I'm a Colts fan. Like that, you know? Like, that's a.

[B]

Well, isn't Cousin Sal's whole thing? He chose the Cowboys to, like, go against his dad.

[A]

Yeah, but that sounds like a personal thing.

[C]

I think you choose Giants. I think you go Giants buy low.

[A]

Yeah, I know my mom would say that the Giants have no cheerleaders, and the Cowboys have a show about their cheerleaders. So, like, Giants just saying it's goddamn right, mom. Someone wrote. I didn't write a name. What is your guys favorite trip together?

[B]

Our favorite trip.

[A]

I mean, DK having to. For those who don't know, DK had to do the middle seat. Raw dog. He couldn't look at any devices on the plane. That was like an unforgettable day.

[C]

No, I'd say, yeah. The New Orleans Super Bowl.

[A]

New Orleans to la.

[B]

It was the most memorable. We had a really fun night playing craps, but then also there was a hotel situation. So the final night we had to leave the hotel and book an Airbnb Hive. It's booked. The Airbnb. We thought Airbnb. They're swindlers. Sometimes I have to say, you always walk in expecting something and it's completely different. We thought we booked a house with rooms.

[C]

He thought he booked a three bed.

[B]

Reasonable thing to expect. Yes.

[C]

Instead it was actually a three bed.

[B]

It was a giant room with like four bedrooms and pull out couches in it. There was like five of us sleeping in there that night. And then Heifetz woke me up by like basically mounting me and. And putting a smelly T shirt armpit in my nose.

[A]

We had to catch a flight.

[C]

You could have seen it.

[A]

I thought it would be funny.

[C]

Wake up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So Carlos and I were like, oh.

[B]

God, what are you doing?

[A]

And I have a bad history of Airbnbs in New Orleans because my friend, the other one was I was the best man at a bachelor party in New Orleans and I booked a duplex, but I did it so far in advance I forgot we had one side. So we booked hat we. I made everyone sleep in the half and then we stayed the whole weekend and then left and realized we had the other one too. We didn't walk in.

[C]

Which wasn't like extra gloves this whole time.

[B]

My hands are a little more fun though, you know.

[A]

They did not think it was fun. They were super fucking mad at me.

[C]

Still are. You like went to the airport early because, you know, you knew, like I.

[A]

Did get to the earlier. I was like, oh, sucks to suck. Then my plane got delayed and they all walked in the airport. I was like, well, it's like telling John Wick. I was like, you can't do violence here.

[C]

That's like if you like flip someone off and then it's like traffic. Oh, hi. Craig would have been like, Craig, you do the. You like to just give the thumbs up.

[B]

I do. If somebody cuts me off, I give them the old thumbs up.

[C]

Just like the passive aggressive, like no one like what?

[B]

You. You can't, like, get mad at that, but you still take it offensively. It's perfect.

[A]

Just confuse them.

[B]

They're like, I don't know why I just cut you off. Why are you doing that?

[A]

All right, got an email here from Jeff with a G. J ball.

[C]

So many Js.

[A]

It's Jeff with a G. You listen to anything I say?

[C]

What?

[B]

It's Jeff with a G, F, C. He said that?

[C]

Oh, I didn't hear that part.

[A]

Dude, this is the real show. Dk. I will say something. And then DK is just like, scrolling Twitter a blue sky. And then two minutes later, he'll just repeat the thing I said back to him, like Inception. And he just, like, thinks he came up with it.

[C]

It happens kind of a lot.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[C]

I've actually never seen if it's more mad at me than when I told him I sometimes surf Twitter during our shows. He's doing Motherfucker. So unprofessional. Sorry, sorry.

[A]

Boring you. Jeff is boring you. Anyway, Jeff writes, when we were in line. G Bone. When we were in line tonight, my wife googled a picture of you guys and then asked do I, like, asked if I knew what you guys looked like. And before it even loaded, I just said, craig is the hot one.

[C]

Just. What is it? What's the expression? Mogging. Mogging.

[B]

Look at you, you little ginger.

[A]

You say mogg.

[C]

Frank's constantly mogging us. Let's be honest.

[B]

DK's scrolling Twitter saying mogging.

[A]

He's 23 years old. Lack of a reaction tells me how old the crowd is that no one knew what mogging meant.

[C]

Can we get a Gen Z er to explain that one? I mean, I guess it's kind of obvious. Craig makes us look ugly.

[A]

Craig. If Craig was single and hinge, he would have us in the photos with him. That's.

[C]

I'm like. I'm, like, standing next to Craig in pictures of him, and for the first time in my life, I'm like, man, I look kind of short. Stand on my tippy toes next time.

[B]

What's the next email?

[C]

Craig gets so uncomfortable when we talk.

[A]

That's all we got.

[B]

Oh, great.

[A]

Do we end?

[B]

That's how we're going to end.

[A]

Do we end the show or do I give the mic to my dad right now and ask about Joe Biden? Burrow. Do we end the show?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, let's Mr. Heitz it. Woo.

[A]

In advance. This is the worst decision I've ever made. Dad, I'm Going to hold the mic. Come here. Tell me about how you discovered. You're the first person to discover Joe Burrow.

[B]

Played when he won the national.

[A]

Hold on. I like that he's laughing almost.

[B]

You got to lean forward a little.

[A]

Bit into the mic when Jackie. Let him talk.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I think when he played in the national championship and he won, beat Clemson. I love. I love the way he looked, the way he played.

[A]

He was.

[B]

He's fabulous. I love Joe Burrow.

[C]

Dude. The Heifetz's impression of his dad makes so much more sense now.

[A]

True story. He went number one overall. My dad texted me. Told you.

[C]

He fucking.

[B]

I knew he had something in that national championship game.

[A]

Offline existence.

[C]

He knew. When you know, you know.

[B]

When you know, you know.

[C]

I've seen enough.

[A]

Oh, my God. Anyway, speaking of seeing enough, I think. I think that's all we got, guys. Thank you. So one, Just a couple. A bit of housekeeping. So after this ends, it's gonna like start again because we're gonna do. We're gonna stick around if anyone wants to meet us, take a photo with us, whatever. We're gonna do a meet and greet afterward. So we're actually. It's actually gonna be downstairs. So actually if you guys don't. If you guys like, you know, fucking hate us or we're turned off by whatever or. I've never heard of the Nirvana song.

[C]

Craig mogging us constantly.

[A]

Yeah. Intimidated by Craig's attractiveness, then, you know, feel free to head out. But if you don't hate us forever, then stick around. And we're gonna basically let everyone who's gonna leave shuffle out. But if you want to stay, stay in your seats for a little bit.

[C]

We're all gonna stare at you if you.

[A]

Yeah, we're stare at you.

[B]

And when it get up now. If you're leaving, stand now.

[A]

And so when it clears out a little bit, we're gonna line up. There's like a stair. If you go through those double doors, there's like a spiritual staircase there. And just line up around the staircase and like kind of go to the. My left, your right side by that bar over there and just line up. And there are people and security guards and people who work here are gonna tell you, like, exactly where to stand. Cause I don't exactly know. And they'll tell you. But. So we'll do that after. But in the meantime, we really do wanna thank. First of all, it takes a bunch of people, like way more people than you think to put this together. So first of all just thank you to everyone who works here at the Grand Mercy Theater. Like, woo.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you to Danny Kelly. Thank you to Craig Horlbeck. Thank you to Stefan. Thank you to Ronick. Thank you to Belle. Thank you to Peter. Thank you to Kyra. Thank you to Elizabeth Fierman, who's a legend. Thank you to Charlie. Thank you to Tessa. Thank you to my parents and my family and Jackie, who are incredibly supportive of me. Thank you to my dad for finding Joe Burrow. Happy birthday to Colin in the front row. There we go. Happy birthday. Thank you to Yahoo Fantasy for making this entire thing possible. But truly, thank you to the bottom of my heart. Like, thank you to all of you guys for coming because this is overwhelming. This is so awesome. This is frankly the coolest thing ever to get to do this. And thank you. We saw a video of the line wrapped around the corner that blows our fucking mind. Like, thank you so much. It is so cool to get to do this so truly. Like, genuinely, thank you guys for coming and, like, spending a night with us. It was the best time ever.

[B]

But most importantly, I mean, here more than ever.

[A]

Thank you, Lord.

[C]

Thank you, Beastie Boys. Beastie Boys are synonymous with New York for me.

[B]

No sleep till Brooklyn. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I just like when I think of New York, the Beastie Boys. First thing that comes to my mind.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Dk, are you gonna miss New York? Were you happy to have visited?

[C]

New York is awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I love New York.

[B]

We had pizza.

[A]

We had pizza. We did. We went to John's a Bleecker.

[C]

Right?

[A]

That's where we. Yeah, yeah. He thought that parm was garlic salt. His garlic salt was parm, so he put a bunch of garlic salt on the slice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It was still good, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

My breath reeked afterwards.

[A]

Almost postponed the show.

[C]

No, I love New York. It's awesome. I mean, tremendous buildings.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Some of the coolest.

[B]

Skyscrapers. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Skyscrapers are out of high, Fitz.

[B]

You also got to see some landmarks you've never seen.

[C]

What did you think of New York?

[A]

You know, it's funny. Well, because I'm from the suburbs, so I'm, like, from New York, which, if you're not from New York, I'm like, fuck you. Like, it's called New York State. I'm from New York. But if you're from the city, I'm like, I know I'm not from the city, but in a weird way, I felt more like a New Yorker this week because I hadn't done any of the touristy shit. And I didn't bother me at all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's actually which made me somehow more feel like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like I don't feel less of a New Yorker. Sorry. I've never been to fucking Liberty Island. I don't know. Oh, you'll take me, dad.

[B]

Oh, finally.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

Go get a dog at Coney Island.

[A]

Shedding a tear, dad, we did it. All it took was a New York live show for my dad to hang out with me.

[B]

That's unbelievable.

[A]

Thank you, everyone. Goodbye.

[B]

Thank you very much. Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

[A]

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