The Ringer Fantasy Football Show – "Rodgers Cooks, Dolphins Freeze, and Week 16 Waivers"

Date: December 16, 2025
Hosts: Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, Craig Horlbeck

Episode Overview

In this episode, Danny Heifetz, Danny Kelly, and Craig Horlbeck break down the fantasy football fallout from the Week 15 Monday Night Football game between the Steelers and Dolphins, dissect what's wrong with Miami, praise Pittsburgh's win, and offer detailed Week 16 waiver wire advice to help listeners survive the semifinals—or simply avoid last place. The team’s trademark irreverent banter is on full display, with riffs on questionable coaching, fantasy heartbreaks, the Dolphins’ sub-freezing futility, and even an accidental deep-dive into fart frequency research.

Steelers-Dolphins Recap & Takeaways

[02:00–18:00]

Game Recap

• Steelers beat Dolphins 28–15 in a game that was, as Heifetz said, “kind of hard to watch.” The Steelers' win puts them in strong position for the playoffs, needing just one more victory to ensure a winning season.
• Both teams struggled in the first quarter, described by Craig as a “mess.”
• Steelers took control in the third quarter, where “Rogers was awesome” ([03:00], B).

Notable Quote

• "Troy Aikman fucking hates the Dolphins." – Craig ([03:02])
• “If you look at the statute [stat sheet]... Tua was essentially better stats than Rogers. If you just check the box score, but that was all fourth quarter garbage time.” – Craig ([03:29])

Dolphins in Crisis

• Tua Tagovailoa’s performance deeply scrutinized: once had “a great arm” but now visibly diminished, partly from injuries ([04:57], C).
• “If he doesn’t just hit his back foot and get the ball out, yeah, that offense is a fucking disaster.” – Danny Kelly ([05:21])
• The offense leans almost entirely on schemed timing. When anything breaks down, Tua’s “limitations” are exposed.
• “They’re just too small” – Danny Kelly on Miami’s roster, emphasizing fragility, injury-proneness, and lack of toughness in cold-weather games ([10:41], C).
• Dolphins have lost 14 straight games with kickoff temperatures below 40 degrees ([12:58], B).

Team-Building Critique

• “Every position the Dolphins support draft capital into, they haven’t fixed the problems… and that usually gets the GM fired.” – Heifetz ([12:32])
• Consensus: Dolphins are in “purgatory”—not among the league’s worst, but firmly stuck in mediocrity.
• “Would you rather be the Browns or the Dolphins?” – ongoing debate with biting humor ([14:10])

Steelers’ Success

[15:46–18:44]

• The Steelers were praised for a classic, tough win, even without T.J. Watt.
• Astounding stat: “Steelers have won 23 straight home games on Monday Night Football” ([16:03], A).
• Style contrast: Steelers’ size/physicality vs. Dolphins’ speed/smallness.
• Hosts believe Steelers could “ugly their way to a playoff win” if the matchup is right ([17:26], B).

Fantasy Fallout: MNF & Player Performances

[19:04–19:30]

• “If you had Darren Waller or Jalen Waddle, you had very different experiences tonight.” – Heifetz
• Most fantasy points for Dolphins players came in late-game garbage time.

Week 16 Waiver Wire Breakdown

[21:34–52:30]
Position-by-position recommendations with analysis and signature banter.

Running Backs

• Top pick: Michael Carter (Cardinals)
  • “Came in and had 14 carries and another four targets… playing the Falcons next.” – Danny Kelly ([22:09], C)
• Others: Bill Merritt (Washington), Brian Robinson (if available)
• Notable Moment: Extended lament about slim pickings and the misery of starting low-end RBs: “If you need to play a running back, you’re screwed. I think we’d each take 7 or 8, maybe 10 receivers over the running backs we just talked about.” – Heifetz ([28:15], A)

Wide Receivers

• Top pick: Jaden Reed (Packers)
  • “He gets schemed the ball; playing the Bears; I want Jaden Reed.” – Heifetz ([30:12], A)
• Other options: Jalen Coker (Panthers), Jaden Higgins (Texans), Cooper Kupp (Seahawks – revenge game narrative), Luther Burden (if healthy)
• Caveats: Watch for injury practice reports (Luther Burden), matchups, and snap counts.

Tight Ends

• Top pick: Colston Loveland (Michigan)
  • “Five plus targets in four straight games… ascending and a big part of their offense.” – Danny Kelly ([44:02, 44:10])
• Kyle Pitts and Brenton Strange are top priorities if available.
• Other options: Darren Waller (Dolphins, for TD upside), Colby Parkinson (Rams – “six touchdowns in the last six games”) ([40:05], C)

Quarterbacks

• Best available (in order): Trevor Lawrence, Jacoby Brissett, J.J. McCarthy (“J.J. is more decisive and he’s gonna run.” – Kelly [54:06]), Marcus Mariota.
• Preference for McCarthy over Mariota if both are available.

Defenses

• Top streamers: Chiefs vs Titans (Cam Ward sacks galore), Vikings vs Giants, Niners vs Colts (mixed feelings due to Phil Rivers’ quick release), Saints vs Jets (Brady Cook INT-prone), Bills vs Browns.
• “If I go down because Brady Cook lights up the Saints, it’s the right process.” – Craig ([57:17], B)

Memorable Moments, Quotes, and Tangents

Dolphins’ Cold Weather Curse

• “Dolphins have now lost 14 straight games with kickoff temperatures below 40 degrees. 14 in a row, which is tough.” – Craig ([12:58])

Steelers on MNF

• “Steelers have won 23 straight home games on Monday Night Football at home… Tomlin is 12-0. Cowher was 11-0.” – Heifetz ([16:03], A)

Humorous Side-Tangents

• Extended, absolutely deranged trivia about the SS Edmund Fitzgerald’s length, the Sills family genealogy, and frequency of flatulence in the average male ([25:31–52:30]).
• “How many times does the average healthy man fart per day?” – Ben’s trivia question, inspiring a digression full of wild guesses (“13… I don’t fart 40 times a day!”) and self-shaming banter ([45:13–50:40]).
• Latin words for fart: “flatus” (silent), “crepitus” (with noise) — “So that is literally fart or shart pretty much.” ([68:00])
• “This country needs a lot more shame, let’s be honest.” – Danny Kelly ([52:38])

NFL/Society Parallels

• Chernobyl, Large Hadron Collider, and the theme of institutional failure due to fear of speaking up—“It’s just funny how many things happen because you’re afraid to speak up to your boss.” – Craig ([66:18])

Closing Banter

[67:20–end]

• Ongoing running joke about fart sounds replacing people’s names in the edit.
• Discussion of Ben Affleck / Jennifer Lopez memes: “So many good ones… it’s also so brutal; these are people’s lives.” – Craig ([70:43])
• End with “thank yous” to the production crew and customary the-lord-and-J.Lo acknowledgments.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “If he [Tua] doesn’t just hit his back foot and get the ball out, yeah, that offense is a fucking disaster.” – Danny Kelly ([05:21])
• “I just want to leave Washington, I want to let Washington go.” – Danny Heifetz ([23:22])
• “Steelers have won 23 straight home games on Monday Night Football.” – Danny Heifetz ([16:03])
• “If you need to play a running back, you’re screwed.” – Danny Heifetz ([28:15])
• “Five games in a row as long as they’re [Jets, Browns, Raiders] around.” – Craig ([13:16])

Key Recommendations, Week 16 Waivers

Running Backs:

• Michael Carter (Cardinals) – strong volume, good schedule
• Bill Merritt (Washington) or Brian Robinson (if available)

Wide Receivers:

• Jaden Reed (Packers) – top target
• Jalen Coker (Panthers), Jaden Higgins (Texans), Cooper Kupp (Seahawks, for revenge game appeal)
• Monitor: Luther Burden (if full practice)

Tight Ends:

• Colston Loveland (Michigan) – steady volume, upside if other receivers are hurt
• Darren Waller (Dolphins), Colby Parkinson (Rams) for TD upside

Quarterbacks:

• Trevor Lawrence, Jacoby Brissett, J.J. McCarthy (over Mariota, if possible)

Defenses:

• Chiefs vs Titans
• Vikings vs Giants
• Niners vs Colts
• Saints vs Jets
• Bills vs Browns

Final Thoughts

This episode combines sharp, actionable fantasy analysis with the hosts’ signature wit and free-spirited tangents—equally adept at dissecting the Dolphins’ existential spiral and diving into the science of flatulence. For fantasy managers in their semis (or fighting relegation), the hosts’ consensus and colorful arguments on Week 16 waivers deliver the straight dope in a uniquely Ringer way.