The Rob Carson Show: “Crisis, Comedy & Crashing Streams”

Air Date: January 7, 2026
Host: Rob Carson (Newsmax Radio)
Notable Guests: Stephen Miller, Michael Charbonne, Judge Jeanine’s Representative
Episode Focus: A satirical but sharp take on current American and global politics, technological woes, and cultural trends, all delivered with Carson’s signature humor and irreverence.

Episode Overview

Rob Carson kicks off the show blending fast-paced political satire with genuine commentary on recent geopolitical moves—chiefly the U.S. talk of acquiring Greenland and intervention in Venezuela—streaming technical glitches, and a dollop of comedic music parodies about international affairs. The episode sees regular contributions from analyst Stephen Miller, Canadian commentator Michael Charbonne, and audio from Judge Jeanine’s representative for an inside look at justice and crime stats in D.C. In classic Rob Carson style, the episode oscillates between pointed political criticism and playful banter, creating a rollicking mix that’s as entertaining as it is newsy.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Riff: Should the U.S. Buy Greenland?

[00:20]–[03:00]

• Stephen Miller (with Jake Tapper clip) questions Denmark’s colonial hold over Greenland, suggesting the U.S. should take control for strategic reasons.
• Rob jokes about adding Greenland—and then Canada and Venezuela—to the U.S. flag:

  “Start putting another star on that flag, ladies and gentlemen. Then we’ll add Canada. How’s that sound? What the hell? Venezuela. Why not?” — Rob Carson [00:45]

• Jim Gossett performs a musical parody:

  “There’s a land that should be our land… Planned for Greenland?” [00:55]
  Carson quips about renaming it “Trump Land” or “Done Land.”

2. Parody & Satire on International Affairs

[03:00]–[05:00]

• Rob lampoons the complexity of U.S.–Denmark relations, the “white colonizers” angle, and muddled geography/culture confusion between the Danish and the Dutch—classic Carson comedic riffing.
• The discussion segues into the escalating price of ice, Venezuela oil, and America’s role post-Maduro:

  “Can you imagine what it’s going to do to the price of ice?” — Rob Carson [04:07]

3. U.S. Seizes Venezuelan Oil Shipments: Flexing Muscle

[05:00]–[07:00]

• Updates on U.S. military enforcing a blockade and seizing tankers related to Venezuela and Russia. Carson relishes a “president with Cajones” who is “doing things.”
• Stephen Miller decries the “greatest material theft” by Venezuela under Chavez and Maduro, emphasizing American loss and later the reversal of these losses under Trump:

  “Venezuela has the largest proven oil reserve in the world.” — Stephen Miller [05:57]
  “That historic injustice has been reversed… a military masterclass under President Trump’s leadership.” — Stephen Miller [07:00]

4. Streaming & Tech Woes, Played for Laughs

[07:00]–[08:55]

• Carson’s recurring streaming failures are a running joke:

  “Our stream was weak yesterday, like Joe Biden taking a whiz at 2 in the morning.” — Rob Carson [07:20]
  “Maybe it’s a swollen digital prostate.” [07:55]

• Speculates on Russian sabotage and jokes about his “producer, Ken Redneck MacGyver,” freaking out.

5. Trump's Popularity and U.S. Intervention in Venezuela

[08:55]–[11:00]

• Trump’s ouster of Maduro is celebrated across Latin America, with polling numbers from various countries showing strong support (Costa Rica 87%, Chile 70%, etc.):

  “There goes your Hispanic vote there, Democrats.” — Rob Carson [09:47]

• Carson links these moves to a surge in Trump’s Hispanic popularity.

6. Good News Segment: “Lots of Winning”

[12:01]–[12:06]

• Quick-fire affirmations of “winning” from several regulars (Michael Charbonne, Stephen Miller, Rob himself), poking fun at Trump’s “so much winning” phrasing.

7. Crime Down in D.C.: Judge Jeanine’s Representative Discusses Stats

[16:56]–[18:56]

• D.C. crime, prosecution rates, and the National Guard.

  “Crime is coming down in D.C.… homicide is down 60%. Robbery is down 49%. Carjackings are down 68%.” — Judge Jeanine’s Rep. [17:13]

• Carson jumps in:

  “68% on carjackings. 32% on overall crime. The reason? That’s got to be bad, right? It’s got to be because of white supremacy or something.” [18:22]

• The takeaway: enforcing laws actually reduces crime, contrary to previous progressive narratives.

8. Canada’s Perspective and International Reactions

[21:38]–[25:00]

• Michael Charbonne adds Canadian color, riffing on pot legalization (“pot-ash”), gas prices, and Canada’s left-leaning leadership.
• Charbonne reveals Canadian “celebration” over Maduro’s removal and connects varied global protests to funding from actors like George Soros.

9. Satire on Liberal Politicians: Tim Walz’s “Ride You” Gaffe

[25:36]–[28:15]

• Extended bit mocking Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz’s odd press conference statement:

  “For the next nine months, I will ride you like I’ve never ridden you before.” — Tim Walz (clip) [27:23]

• Carson and Charbonne lampoon the incident with sexual innuendo and branding (“Tim Wolf saddle”), tying it to a theme of out-of-touch politicians.

10. U.S. Military Strength and Diplomatic Moves

[31:08]–[35:29]

• Rob and Michael revisit the Venezuela intervention, compare Trump’s decisiveness to Reagan, and expound on the U.S. playing the global “police officer.”
• Michael:

  “If you are a bad actor in the world and Donald Trump says… you better straighten up or I’m going to slap you in the back of the head, China’s going to have to think twice…” [34:49]

11. AI & Tech Tangent: “Millennial Disease” and Robot Companions

[35:29]–[37:24]

• Discussion of China, the U.S., and the emerging market for “fully female human robots” and “Tesla Optimus Gen 3” robots.
• Carson jokes about financing a robot girlfriend:

  “Do they allow financing? Because I’d like to order one… The last fleshy one I was involved with didn’t work out so well.” [36:13]

12. Closing Thoughts: Lindsey Graham on Iran and Global Change

[39:49]–[40:30]

• Lindsey Graham addresses listeners:

  “We stand for you [Iranians] taking back your country from the ayatollah religious Nazi who kills you… Donald J. Trump is not Barack Obama. He has your back.” — Lindsey Graham [40:03]

• Rob suggests rapid, consequential change is sweeping the globe:

  “Freedom and patriotism and faith are going to sweep the world. Next it’s going to be Iran and then Cuba.” [39:49]

Notable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:45 | Rob Carson | “Start putting another star on that flag, ladies and gentlemen. Then we’ll add Canada. How’s that sound?” | | 07:20 | Rob Carson | “Our stream was weak yesterday, like Joe Biden taking a whiz at 2 in the morning.” | | 12:05 | Stephen Miller (and others) | “Lots of winning.” | | 17:13 | Judge Jeanine’s Representative | “Crime is coming down in D.C.… homicide is down 60%. Robbery is down 49%. Carjackings are down 68%.” | | 18:55 | Rob Carson | “Defunding the police actually didn’t work. And believing in law enforcement and the police…actually works.” | | 25:36 | Michael Charbonne (about Tim Walz) | “For the next nine months, I will ride you like I’ve never ridden you before.” | | 36:13 | Rob Carson (on robot companions) | “Do they allow financing? Because I’d like to order one…The last fleshy one I was involved with didn’t work.” | | 39:49 | Lindsey Graham (clip) | “To the people of Cuba, help is on the way. And finally to the people of Iran, we stand with you…” |

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:20–03:00] — Greenland as a new U.S. territory; song parody
• [05:00–07:00] — U.S. seizes Venezuelan oil; Stephen Miller’s analysis
• [07:20–08:55] — Live streaming issues, humor on digital “prostate”
• [09:47] — Latin American support for Trump removing Maduro
• [12:05] — “So much winning!” rapid-fire segment
• [16:56–18:56] — Judge Jeanine’s Rep on D.C. crime stats
• [25:36–28:15] — Satire: Tim Walz’s “ride you” blunder
• [35:29–37:24] — The age of robot companions: jokes and commentary
• [39:49–40:30] — Lindsey Graham’s message to Iran

Tone and Style

• Rob Carson’s delivery is rapid, sardonic, and full of irreverent humor.
• Satirical takes on international policy and American political figures are interspersed with musical jokes, mock-advertisements, and self-deprecating technical frustration.
• Panelists and guests match Carson’s energy, swinging between earnest commentary and biting wit.

Final Impressions

This episode deftly blends political satire with substantive analysis, using humor to spotlight major shifts in U.S. foreign policy and cultural trends. Rob Carson and his guests deliver a punchy, highly entertaining take on the news—making complexity approachable, hilarious, and thought-provoking for the audience.

For listeners:
Expect a whirlwind of humor, hot takes, and the occasional technical mishap—but always with an eye (and a laugh) on the day’s biggest headlines.