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What's going on? My friends, welcome to the Ryan Leak podcast, where we love to keep things short and sweet for you. Each and every week, we always want to give you something that we believe is going to add tremendous value to your life. And I absolutely believe that today's episode is going to do just that. Today we're going to be talking about a better way to say no. A better way to say no. And I have the sinking suspicion that someone listening to today's episode literally just put their head down, because they have about eight to 10 things that they have said yes to that they wish that they have said no to. No, it's spelled N O, in case you haven't used it in a while. And I get it. For you and for me, I think saying no feels harder than it should. And it's not because we're weak. I think it's because we care. We care about people, we care about opportunities. We care about being seen as helpful, generous, available. But the request, well, they just never stop coming. You always got a colleague that asks if you can jump on a quick call. The call's never quick. I always have a friend that asks if you can meet for coffee. And then you're just thinking, are we even friends? I thought we were just texting acquaintances, but now we're trying to upgrade the relationship. Or maybe you got somebody that just wants you to review their resume, or a former coworker that wants career advice. Or somebody sends you a DM and says, hey, can I pick your brain? Or if you're like me, and you've got children in high school, middle school, elementary, and that school has 27 events a week, you know, they're always asking for volunteers, and you're like, hey, I got a job. I got a job. If I'm always at the school, then who's going to be teaching them? I thought I was dropping them off for you all to do that. The requests just never stop. And the real tension is not that the requests themselves are bad. The tension is that it's often creating competing priorities. And we only have so much time, so much energy, so much attention, and so much margin. And every yes to something is a no to something else. The challenge is that many of us just keep saying yes until our calendars are so full. Then our patience begins to run on empty. So I think that you and I need to learn how to say no. Maybe even nah. Nah. Or if you want to add a PE to it, you could say, nope, like that. That's helpful, too. And Regardless of how we're saying no, we inevitably are giving people an answer that they do not want to hear. I know when I ask for stuff, I want people to say yes, but I've learned to respect no over time. And so I'm going to give you a couple of ways that I've been learning to do this over the last couple of years as requests and demands have been at an all time high. And I'm also having to navigate work, life balance, if you will, with a growing family that play multiple sports and navigating travel. And inevitably I'm having to say no more than I ever have. And it can feel like I'm disappointing more people than I ever have. But I'm actually protecting margin in a way that I think sets me up for long term success personally and professionally. So sometimes if I need to say no, I will simply share where my margin is currently going. So sometimes I'll say something like this, hey, I would love to connect, but right now all of the margin I have is being directed toward a few different priorities that I've already committed to. Now, that could be a book project, that could be my own podcast. Sometimes I can't be on somebody else's podcast because I need to be recording my own, or sometimes I can't write a book review for somebody else because I'm not finished writing my own book. And sometimes I say, hey, man, my kids, man, they've got sports this week and I would really love to grab dinner with you. And I told my son I'd take him to practice or that I would be at his game. And so while I do have the margin right now, it's being directed towards some other priorities. This communicates a couple of things. One, it communicates appreciation. Number two, I think it communicates focus. And you're not saying that their request is unimportant. You're saying your commitments are already spoken for. And sometimes I've learned that this actually inspires the person you've said no to. In fact, I've had people say, dude, I love the way that you say no. In fact, it challenged me to say no more. Another way that you could say it is, hey, I really appreciate you reaching out, but I'm just not able to take on anything else right now. But, hey, I'm cheering you on. That's short, it's kind, it's also honest. Now, there is another kind of no, and that's the people you want to say no to. And if you had all of the margin in the world you still would want to say no. And I think that there is a way of being able to tell this person no without being rude or burning bridges. And we definitely don't want to be the kinds of people that come across as dismissive. And so here's a simple way to do that. Sometimes you can just say, hey, thank you for thinking of me. I'm just not the best person for this. But, hey, I hope it goes really well for you. You didn't insult them. You did not create a debate. You did not open up a negotiation. You just gave them a clear and respectful answer. The goal of us saying no is to get to a place where we can value all people without saying yes to all people. One of the ways that I've navigated this over the years is actually by offering what I call airport terminal time. So airport terminal time is where if I'm traveling and I have a little extra time sitting at a gate, sometimes I will offer that time for a quick conversation. And it works because it's contained. It has a start and an end. And so when they call, I say, hey, I'm boarding a flight in 20 minutes. Hey, man, what's going on? How can I serve you? How's life? Catch me up. So they know they got a 20 minute shot clock and that they can't waste time. Does that make sense? So I'm giving them a short amount of time versus a coffee. It's like if I meet you for coffee, well, I got to factor in the time that it takes to drive to that coffee and then drive home. So an hour coffee with you might cost me two hours, whereas 20 minutes in the airport, well, I wasn't going to be doing much anyway, so that's easier to give. And yet I still am able to value that person. And so I think it's important that you find those windows of time, maybe for you, as, hey, I'm sitting in the carpool pickup and I'll be picking up my children in 15 minutes. Hey, I'd love to chat with you then. Because if you don't, here's what I will tell you about when you don't say no. And you're throwing out your yes way too easily. Those yeses always come with other little yeses. For example, let's say someone asks you, hey, would you come on my podcast? Sure. Then comes the next email. Hey, can you do a prep call with the producer? Wait a minute, that's two yeses. Then comes another, hey, can you send over a headshot bio and social Links. Okay, now that's three yeses, then another. Hey, could you record a short promo video for this episode? Now we're at 4. Now, the original request sounded simple, but the reality is that every yes tends to multiply. And you see this everywhere. You say yes to serving on a board, suddenly there are committee meetings, planning calls, weekend events. You say yes to speaking somewhere, suddenly there's a planning meeting, travel logistics, slides to review and follow up requests. You say yes to coffee with someone, suddenly it turns into a lunch, which turns into a referral request, which turns into another introduction. Your yes has a way of growing legs. Part of why I say no more these days is not because of the request itself. It's because of the requests that come along with the request. And if we're not careful, we end up giving small pieces of ourselves to a hundred different directions while the most important parts of our life get whatever is left over. And so I just am here today to encourage you to be one of those people that pauses and considers, hey, what do I need to start saying no to? Because I'll just tell you this. Every time that you say yes to something you're not supposed to say yes to, that definitely needs to be a no. You're robbing your prior yeses of your best energy. Like, at some point, you've gotta take inventory of the things you've already committed to. You've already said yes to that. If you're honest, really honest, you're not doing that great of a job with the yeses you've already given. And so at some point, we've gotta be able to communicate this to our outside world to be able to go, hey. And it can even be a little self loathing. And I tell people this, hey, I'm not doing that great with my podcast. You don't want me to say yes to your podcast because I'm trying to get better at mine. And I don't even know that I'm giving my absolute best to the yes I've already been given. And so at some point, if we're going to bring our best selves to our personal and professional world, we have to protect the yeses we've already given by starting to say no. Or it can be nah. Or it can be nope. That, my friends, is today's episode on A Better way to say no. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If today's episode added value to your life, I hope that you would share it with a friend. And if you can rate review and subscribe your support to this podcast helps us reach even more people with these short nuggets of inspiration. Until next time, this has been Ryan Leak on the Ryan Leak Podcast.