The Ryan Leak Podcast

Episode: A Healthier Approach to Criticism
Host: Ryan Leak
Release Date: September 29, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ryan Leak offers a practical, empathetic guide to dealing with criticism in both personal and professional contexts. Drawing from his own experiences—including a recent surge and loss of social media followers—Ryan unpacks common responses to criticism, why they don’t work, and presents a healthier approach: processing feedback with "trusted voices" for genuine growth. His signature tone is candid, encouraging, and humorously self-revealing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Inevitability of Criticism

• Universal Experience:
  Criticism "comes with the territory" of life and leadership. Ryan underscores, “If you're going to do anything with your life at all, if you're going to do anything significant, you're going to get criticism. Now that I'm thinking about it, even if you don't do anything significant, you are going to get criticism.” [00:30]
• Humorous Examples:
  Criticism is everywhere—from CEOs and NBA stars to McDonald’s workers and even kindergarten referees.

2. The Myths of Responding to Criticism

• Ignoring Criticism:
  “That old line, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. ... Let’s just be honest, it’s terrible advice.” [01:27]
  • Words can wound more than physical hurts, causing “internal bleeding.”
• Claiming Not to Care:
  The dismissive “I don’t care what people think” is both unrealistic and often disingenuous.
  • “I just sometimes want to stop people right there, like, really? You don’t care at all?” [02:23]
  • Suggests we do care—especially about those close to us—and should “budget” our cares for people who matter.
• Discrediting the Critic:
  “And this one, it just feels good in the moment, right? Who are you to tell me anything?... It’s defensive.” [04:04]
  • Defensive postures may soothe us briefly, but ensure we "learn nothing."
  • “You and I are simply not our best selves when we’re in defensive mode. Nobody is, unless you’re a lawyer or NFL cornerback.” [07:08]

3. Personal Transparency

• Social Media Example:
  Ryan shares a vulnerable story: after gaining 100,000 Instagram followers, he lost 10,000.
  • “Of course I’d love to say that I don’t care, but it’s just not true. I sat in my office wondering, what did I say or do that made 10,000 people hit unfollow?” [05:18]
  • Highlights that criticism—even from strangers—still stings and incites self-doubt.

4. Biology of Criticism

• Criticism as Threat:
  “When you receive criticism, your brain is registering it as a threat... The same parts of your brain that process physical pain light up when someone critiques you. That’s why a harsh review or negative comment can feel like a punch in the gut.” [08:30]
• Negativity Bias:
  • “Praise feels slippery, criticism feels sticky.” [09:12]
  • Scientific studies suggest it takes seven positive comments to outweigh one negative.
    "If you get 10 negative comments... You're gonna need to go to church and sit with 70 people that are just like, man, God loves you." [09:52]
• You’re Not Broken:
  A firm reminder: “If you have ever struggled with this, just know you're not broken. You're human.” [10:06]

5. Processing Criticism in the Right Places

• Wrong Place:
  Many “run to fans to make us feel better,” but “fans will just hype you up.” [10:54]
• Right Place: Trusted Voices
  Seek safe, honest feedback from someone both trusted and objective.
  • “What you need is a safe person. You can call and say, hey, I got some feedback, and I don’t need encouragement right now. I need honesty.” [11:08]
• Sample Dialogue:
  • Candidly ask for perspective, admit your own offense, and be specific about the feedback you’ve received.

6. Format for Processing Criticism with a Trusted Voice

Ryan provides a step-by-step framework:

1. Share the Criticism, Word for Word
   • “Tell them exactly what the criticism was, word for word, no sugar coating.” [12:19]
2. Ask if There's Credibility
   • “Does this have any credibility?” [12:41]
3. Request a Specific Example
   • “Can you give me a specific example where you’ve seen this in me? That keeps it concrete instead of vague.” [13:00]
4. Ask for a Small Adjustment
   • “What’s one small adjustment I could make that would change how this comes across?” [13:22]

• This format turns criticism “into your advantage...You lead the conversation not just with feedback but with the next step that you can actually try.” [13:36]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Defensive Responses:
  “Defensiveness might make us feel better for a second, but it also guarantees that we learn nothing from what was said.” [04:31]

• On Negativity Bias:
  “I will sit with 10,000 people who have unfollowed me versus the 100,000 new people that have followed me.” [09:00]

• On Processing Criticism:
  “Don’t waste energy defending yourself in the wrong places. Use criticism as a chance to refine, to grow.” [14:16]

• On Growth and Humility:
  “Sometimes the criticism is just flat out wrong...but sometimes they could be right. And if they are, the best gift you can give yourself is to have a safe place where you can hear the truth, process it well, and actually grow from it.” [14:40]

• On Going on Offense:
  “The more energy you spend defending your image, the less energy you’ll have left to actually improve your impact.” [15:06]

Practical Takeaways

• Recognize that criticism hurts because our brains treat it as a threat.
• Avoid knee-jerk defensive habits: ignoring, claiming you don’t care, or discrediting critics.
• Seek out trusted voices—people who can give you honest, specific, actionable feedback.
• Use Ryan’s four-step framework for processing criticism.
• Use criticism as an opportunity for growth, not just self-protection.

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:30 – Criticism is universal
• 01:27 – “Sticks and stones” myth debunked
• 02:23 – The myth of “not caring” about what others think
• 04:04 – Defense mechanisms and discrediting critics
• 05:18 – Ryan’s Instagram followers story
• 07:08 – How defensiveness harms growth
• 08:30 – Biological response to criticism
• 09:12 – “Praise feels slippery, criticism feels sticky”
• 10:54 – Processing criticism with fans vs. trusted voices
• 12:19 – The four-step framework
• 13:36 – Using criticism to your advantage
• 14:16 – Don’t waste energy defending; use it to grow
• 15:06 – The impact of focusing on image vs. improvement

Final Words

Ryan Leak’s episode blends humor, practical wisdom, and vulnerability, reminding listeners that criticism is a universal, sometimes painful aspect of growth. By processing feedback authentically and with the right people, we can leverage criticism as a tool for meaningful personal and professional development.