Ask Hole - The Ryan Leak Podcast | Wave AI Podcast Notes

Episode Summary: "Ask Hole"

Podcast: The Ryan Leak Podcast
Host: Ryan Leak
Release Date: July 14, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "Ask Hole," Ryan Leak addresses a prevalent issue in personal and professional development: individuals who seek advice without taking actionable steps to implement it. Drawing from his extensive experience as an executive coach and speaker, Leak delves into the concept of the "askhole" and offers practical strategies to foster meaningful mentorship relationships.

Defining the "Askhole"

At the outset, Ryan Leak introduces the term "askhole," a phrase coined by his friend and pastor, Amy Dockery. An askhole is someone who repeatedly seeks advice on the same matters without applying the guidance provided. Leak emphasizes the negative impact this behavior has on both the seeker and the mentor.

Ryan Leak [02:15]: "An askhole is someone who asks you for advice on the same thing over and over and over again, but they never actually listen to that advice."

He further explains that askholes often lack the courage, discipline, or humility to act on the advice they receive, sometimes seeking affirmation rather than genuine mentorship.

The Illusion of Competence

Leak warns against the "illusion of competence," a psychological trap where individuals believe they are improving simply by acquiring knowledge without practical application.

Ryan Leak [05:40]: "Sometimes what this illusion of competence is saying about us is it makes us feel like we're getting better at something just because we're learning about it."

He cautions that consuming vast amounts of information—through books, podcasts, and other media—does not equate to actual growth or transformation. Instead, real progress comes from applying what one learns.

Engaging a Mentor Effectively

Transitioning from identifying the problem, Leak offers solutions for those seeking meaningful mentorship. He outlines the importance of being a proactive and respectful mentee to cultivate lasting and impactful mentor-mentee relationships.

Ryan Leak [12:30]: "Everybody wants a mentor. Not everybody wants to be the kind of person that mentors look forward to mentoring."

To capture a mentor's attention, Leak suggests demonstrating a return on investment by actively implementing the advice received and showcasing tangible results.

Practical Takeaways: Five Questions to Ask a Mentor

Leak provides listeners with five thoughtfully crafted questions designed to deepen mentorship engagements and extract valuable insights:

"What's it cost to be you? And what's a price I should be paying right now to grow over the next year?"
Understanding the sacrifices and investments mentors have made can provide clarity on what is required for personal growth.

Ryan Leak [18:20]: "You don't actually know what it costs to be them every single day."
"What's something you used to really care about that you could care less about today?"
This question helps identify shifts in priorities and ensures that one's current goals are aligned with long-term values.

Ryan Leak [21:45]: "Something changed. And so in the process of building something you want to make sure that you're building it in a way that your future self will be proud of."
"What's the question you wished people asked you more?"
Encourages mentors to share deeper insights beyond the commonly asked inquiries.

Ryan Leak [25:10]: "The question you should be asking is, how can I add more value to people?"
"What's the most overlooked but essential habit you practice?"
Gains insight into the daily routines or practices that contribute significantly to the mentor's success.

Ryan Leak [28:55]: "Maybe that's something that I can add to my tool belt, to my repertoire."
"What would you do if you were in my shoes for the next 90 days?"
Prompts actionable advice tailored to the mentee's current situation, fostering accountability.

Ryan Leak [32:40]: "You should then go do exactly that, and then 90 days later, shoot them a thank you email."

The Importance of Action and Preparation

Leak underscores that merely collecting advice is futile without execution. He shares an anecdote about an individual who secured an interview with Warren Buffett by demonstrating thorough preparation and genuine interest, leading to an extended, meaningful interaction.

Ryan Leak [38:05]: "Someone that did some homework is the kind of person that has what it takes to succeed in business."

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Wrapping up the episode, Ryan Leak reiterates the significance of transforming knowledge into action. He encourages listeners to respect their mentors' time by applying the advice received and providing updates on their progress. By doing so, individuals not only honor the mentorship but also pave the way for continued support and deeper professional relationships.

Ryan Leak [45:30]: "Apply what you've learned. Execute on what you've asked for. Respect the investment. Be worth the mentorship."

Leak concludes with a motivational prompt, urging listeners to move beyond merely knowing and to "do it anyways," thereby distinguishing themselves from mere "know-it-alls."

Key Takeaways

Avoid Being an Askhole: Seek advice with the intent to implement it, respecting both your time and that of your mentors.
Combat the Illusion of Competence: Focus on actionable steps rather than accumulating knowledge passively.
Engage Meaningfully with Mentors: Prepare thoughtful questions and demonstrate progress to foster valuable mentorships.
Value Action Over Information: Transformation comes from doing, not just learning.

Notable Quotes

Defining Askhole:
"An askhole is someone who asks you for advice on the same thing over and over and over again, but they never actually listen to that advice." — Ryan Leak [02:15]
Illusion of Competence:
"Sometimes what this illusion of competence is saying about us is it makes us feel like we're getting better at something just because we're learning about it." — Ryan Leak [05:40]
Mentorship Engagement:
"Everybody wants a mentor. Not everybody wants to be the kind of person that mentors look forward to mentoring." — Ryan Leak [12:30]
Action Over Knowledge:
"You get points for doing. There's nothing more frustrating for a mentor than sitting with an asshole who's asking for advice they refuse to act on." — Ryan Leak [09:50]

Final Thoughts

"Ask Hole" serves as a compelling reminder of the true essence of mentorship and personal growth. Ryan Leak effectively highlights the pitfalls of seeking advice without action and equips listeners with practical tools to forge meaningful and productive relationships with their mentors. By emphasizing action, respect, and genuine engagement, Leak provides a roadmap for listeners to transcend passive learning and achieve tangible progress in their personal and professional lives.

Transcript

Ryan Leak (0:00)

What's going on, my friends? Welcome to the Ryan League podcast, where we keep things short and sweet. Why do we do that? One, I don't have that much time in my week to be recording podcasts. Number two, a lot of the feedback I've gotten from people is that you don't got that much time either. So here we are with some short and sweet nuggets that we just try to figure out ways to add value to your life every single week. Now, I have to say, today, I'm going to be talking about something that is going to sound offensive. I just want to set expectations from the very beginning, and I want you to get today's episode's correct spelling down, okay? Like, you must not misspell today's episode. Like, if you're sharing this with a friend and say, hey, I just heard this podcast episode from Ryan Leak, you gotta listen to it. I just wanna make sure that you say it correctly, spell it correctly, because I'm gonna teach you a phrase that I learned from a friend of mine and pastor. Her name is Amy Dockery, okay? She used this phrase years ago, so I did not coin this phrase. I heard it from her. And ever since, it has become a staple in my professional vocabulary. And that phrase is simply this. Ask whole. Okay? Ask with a K. Whole, like, ask a question. Whole, like in the ground. Ask whole. What's an askhole? An askhole is someone who asks you for advice on the same thing over and over and over again, but they never actually listen to that advice. They never actually change anything. They want advice, but they often lack the courage. They want advice, but they often lack the discipline. They want advice, but they often lack the humility or initiative to actually do anything with it. In fact, they may not really be looking for mentorship. Sometimes they're looking for affirmation. They want someone who is further ahead of them in life or in business, and they want that person to affirm where they are. Sometimes they may just want attention. And so today I'm going to tell you this as kindly and as truthfully as I possibly can. Don't be an asshole. Don't. Don't be an asshole. Here's the deal. We are living in a golden age right now, and it is a golden age of information overload. You can find 100 strategies for winning your morning on Instagram before you even get out of bed. You can binge leadership podcasts. You can watch TED Talks during lunch. You can read business books on the elliptical. But here is the psychological trap, and there's actually a name for what's happening to us. It's called the illusion of competence. That's right. The illusion of competence. And this can be a really tough pill to swallow. But some researchers refer to it as knowledge overestimation. And to translate this, what they're saying is, is you feel like you're getting better at something just because you're learning about it. I'll say it again. Sometimes what this illusion of competence is saying about us is it makes us feel like we're getting better at something just because we're learning about it. But just because you read the book, watched the real, or said, wow, that's good, doesn't mean you've changed. It's possible to be high on information but broke on transformation. You don't get points for knowing. You get points for doing. There's nothing more frustrating for a mentor than sitting with an asshole who's asking for advice they refuse to act on. Everybody wants a mentor. Not everybody wants to be the kind of person that mentors look forward to mentoring. You want to get a mentor's attention? Show them a return on investment? Go do something with what they have shared with you. If you want to be mentored, I think you should prepare five meaningful questions you can ask them and follow up three months later with results. And I'm going to give you an example today. Again, we want to add value to your life. We want to give you some practical takeaways from today's episodes. And so today, I'm going to give you five questions that I believe can be engaging, questions that you can ask a mentor, somebody that you look up to, somebody that you're wanting to get some wisdom from, some advice from. Question number one. What's it cost to be you? And what's a price I should be paying right now to grow over the next year? Yeah, what's it cost to be you? You might admire them from a distance, but you don't actually know what it costs to be them every single day. And so it's a question that you should really find out an answer to to see if you can afford to be the person you think you want to be. Question number two, what's something you used to really care about that you could care less about today? This is an interesting question because you want to find out from this person you admire if you are rowing in the wrong direction. For example, I have mentors that used to care about followers. Now they could care less. Something changed. And so in the process of building something you want to make sure that you're building it in a way that. That your future self will be proud of. Question number three. What's the question you wished people asked you more? Yeah, sometimes successful people can be surrounded by individuals who ask the same questions. And sometimes they're sitting there going, but you're asking the wrong question. So, for example, people ask me all the time, hey, how do I get on more stages? And I think you're asking the wrong question. The question you should be asking is, how can I add more value to people? If you ask that question, well, that'll lead you to a place that will eventually put you on more stages because you're adding value to people's lives. Question number four. What's the most overlooked but essential habit you practice? You want to know, hey, man, what's going on behind the scenes that I would never see or people would never suspect? And maybe that's something that I can add to my tool belt, to my repertoire? And question number five. What would you do if you were in my shoes for the next 90 days? What would you do if you were in my shoes for the next 90 days? In case you're not taking notes, these will be in the show notes for you anyways. But when you ask the question, what would you do if you were in my shoes for the next 90 days? You should then go do exactly that, and then 90 days later, shoot them a thank you email, a DM, a phone call. Hey, I just wanted to let you know I actually applied what you told me, and here's what happened. That, my friends, is how you become memorable. This is how you value their time. When you show up prepared, mentors will want to give you more of their time. In fact, I heard the story the other day that someone once landed an interview with Warren Buffett, one of the richest people in the world. And apparently, they did their homework. They found out that this man loved cherry Coke and See's candies. Okay, he even owns a piece of the company, ironically. But nevertheless, instead of walking in with a resume or a pitch deck, they walked in with his favorite candy. And he was scheduled to give them 10 minutes, and they got an hour. Why? Preparation, thoughtfulness, Action. Somebody that did some. The kind of person that does that kind of homework is the kind of person that has what it takes to succeed in business. My friends, do not be an ask hole. Don't just collect advice like it's Pokemon cards. Don't just nod and say, yeah, that's good, and keep living the same story on repeat. Your mentors aren't Netflix. They're not there to entertain you. They're there to help you go to the next level. And if you are willing to do the work, you'd be surprised who will give you their time. So today's short and sweet nugget of inspiration is. Well, apply what you've learned. Execute on what you've asked for. Respect the investment. Be worth the mentorship. If somebody is giving you the time of day, honor them. Honor that time by going and doing something with it. Because the world doesn't need more. Know it alls. The world needs more. Do it anyways. Oh, the kinds of people that said, man, I got some advice that was really, really hard to pull off, but guess what? I did it anyways. When you do that, you'd be surprised who would be more than willing to give you their time and attention. My friends, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. And if today's episod episode inspired you and did not offend you by calling you an, please don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey and we'll see you next time.