Summary of "Don't Match The Energy. Set The Standard" – The Ryan Leak Podcast

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ryan Leak Podcast
• Host: Ryan Leak
• Episode Title: Don't Match The Energy. Set The Standard
• Release Date: April 21, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "Don't Match The Energy. Set The Standard," Ryan Leak delves into the pervasive human tendency to mirror the energy and behavior of those around us. He challenges listeners to break free from this pattern by consciously choosing to set a positive standard instead of succumbing to negativity. Drawing from personal anecdotes, observations of his children's interactions, and professional experiences, Ryan provides actionable insights on cultivating a mature and positive personal code of conduct.

The Temptation to Match Energy

Ryan begins by highlighting how effortless it is to reciprocate others' negative behaviors:

• Mirroring Negative Attitudes: "If somebody gives you an attitude, you think all of a sudden, oh, well, I got to have an attitude right back." [00:30]
• Escalating Conflicts: "If somebody throws shade at me, I'm going to throw a whole tree." [02:10]

He observes that this reactive behavior is prevalent not only among children but also persists into adulthood, often leading to unproductive and immature interactions.

Personal Reflections and Observations

Ryan shares insights from his experience as a parent, illustrating how even in childhood, the inclination to match negative behaviors emerges:

• Parenting Challenges: Discussing his two children, Ryan notes their frequent conflicts and his instinctual response: "Why did you hit your brother?" [03:15]. Despite knowing it's not a logical question for a five-year-old, it serves as a grounding mechanism.

• Adult Analogies: He extends this observation to adults, suggesting that while we physically grow, some emotional responses remain juvenile: "We just get taller and start driving. Some of us never grow up, we just get promoted." [04:50]

The Importance of Choosing Your Own Code

Ryan emphasizes the necessity of establishing personal values and standards rather than adopting those imposed by external factors:

• Defining Personal Codes: "You've got to choose the code in which you're going to live by before things go sideways." [06:20]

• Sources of Codes: He identifies various origins of personal codes, including parents, geographical background, culture, and politics. For example:

  • Parental Influence: "Some people get their codes from their parents. If you have great parents, that might be a good thing. But you might also have a parent that said, my mama said knock you out." [07:45]
  • Cultural and Social Influences: "Some people actually get their code from politics... behavior is dictated by what the left/right tells them to do." [09:10]

Empowering Choice Over Reaction

Ryan offers empowering alternatives to reactive negativity, stressing that individuals have the agency to choose positive responses:

• Choosing Kindness Over Sarcasm: "You can choose kindness over sarcasm." [11:05]
• Selecting Grace Over Gossip: "You can choose grace over gossip." [11:15]
• Opting for Patience Over Pettiness: "You can choose patience over pettiness." [11:25]
• Embracing Peace Over Proving a Point: "You can choose peace over trying to prove your point." [11:35]
• Valuing Joy Over Judgment: "You can choose joy over judgment." [11:45]
• Preferring Love Over Labeling: "You can choose love over labeling." [11:55]

These choices collectively contribute to setting a higher standard for oneself and influencing others positively.

Real-World Application: The Kindness Seminar

Ryan recounts a pivotal moment during a seminar on kindness at a federal credit union in San Francisco:

• Seminar Experience: Initially slated to speak for an hour, Ryan's content was so impactful that the session extended to eight hours.

• Impactful Testimonial: A woman shared her transformation: "I grew up in a toxic house... I was taught that the only way to climb the ladder of success was to pull someone else off of it. But here you come in our office today, and you taught me that I could get ahead by being kind." [16:40]

This story underscores the profound effect that choosing to set a positive standard can have on individuals and organizations.

Setting the Standard: A Call to Action

Concluding the episode, Ryan reinforces the message that individuals have the power to influence their environments by maintaining their chosen standards:

• Be an Example, Not a Mirror: "You get to be an example, not a mirror." [18:10]
• Set the Standard, Not Match the Energy: "Set the standard, not match the energy." [18:30]

He encourages listeners to resist the urge to respond negatively when faced with difficult behaviors, advocating instead for maintaining composure and demonstrating better ways to interact.

Conclusion

Ryan Leak wraps up the episode by motivating listeners to take ownership of their reactions and behaviors. By choosing to set a positive standard, individuals not only improve their own lives but also inspire others to embrace humanity and kindness. He invites listeners to share the episode, rate and review the podcast, and subscribe for weekly encouraging messages.

Notable Quotes:

• "You get to choose kindness over sarcasm." [11:05]
• "You can choose grace over gossip." [11:15]
• "Set the standard, not match the energy." [18:30]
• "You get to be an example, not a mirror." [18:10]

This episode of The Ryan Leak Podcast serves as a compelling reminder of the power of personal choice in shaping our interactions and environments. By consciously setting higher standards, listeners are empowered to foster more positive and meaningful relationships both personally and professionally.