Expectations Detox - The Ryan Leak Podcast

Summary

Summary of "Expectations Detox" Episode from The Ryan Leak Podcast

Release Date: April 14, 2025
Host: Ryan Leak
Episode Title: Expectations Detox

Introduction

In the episode titled "Expectations Detox," Ryan Leak delves into the profound impact that adjusting our expectations can have on our personal and professional relationships. Building upon the concepts he explores in his upcoming book, How to Work with Complicated People, Leak offers listeners actionable strategies to navigate the complexities of human interactions with greater ease and effectiveness.

The Pitfall of Unrealistic Expectations

Ryan begins by addressing a common yet unspoken trap many fall into: harboring silent expectations for others to be simple and perfect. He emphasizes that these internalized standards are rarely communicated, leading to frustration when reality falls short.

Ryan Leak [02:15]: "Most of us quietly expect two things from everybody, and we'd rarely ever say it out loud. But we expect just about everybody to be simple and perfect."

He points out that while individuals are not designated roles as "simple" or "perfect" in any formal capacity—be it in job descriptions or wedding vows—the absence of these traits in others often becomes the source of our discontent.

Embracing Human Complexity

Acknowledging the inherent complexity of human nature, Ryan highlights that expecting everyone to align with our personal preferences is unrealistic. He uses vivid examples to illustrate the diverse ways people behave and communicate.

Ryan Leak [07:45]: "Some people are one word responders. Fine. Good. Okay... Some people are the opposite, though. They are blog responders."

From "one word responders" who provide minimal feedback to "blog responders" who offer extensive communication, Ryan underscores the spectrum of human behavior. He further categorizes people based on their shopping preferences, dietary habits, and vacation styles, painting a comprehensive picture of diversity in personalities and preferences.

Adjusting Expectations for Better Relationships

Ryan advocates for a mindset shift: adjusting our expectations to better align with the reality of human imperfection. By doing so, we can mitigate unnecessary frustrations and foster more harmonious relationships.

Ryan Leak [15:30]: "Some people are complicated, imperfect, quirky, late, moody, difficult, dare I say human."

He encourages listeners to anticipate and accept the varied quirks and shortcomings of those around them, whether in professional settings like meetings and boardrooms or personal environments such as family gatherings and social interactions.

Stop Expecting People to Change

A pivotal point in the discussion revolves around the futility of expecting change in individuals who are not actively seeking it. Ryan outlines two critical traits exhibited by those who genuinely seek improvement:

Self-awareness: They recognize the need for change.
Proactive Effort: They take tangible steps toward improvement.

Ryan Leak [25:50]: "People who try to change, they actually believe they need to change."

He challenges listeners to evaluate whether the difficult individuals in their lives exhibit these traits. If not, he advises adjusting one's expectations accordingly, rather than holding hope for change that isn't forthcoming.

Practical Applications

Adopting an "Expectations Detox" transforms how we interact daily. Ryan provides relatable scenarios demonstrating how this mindset shift can lead to more graceful and less reactive responses.

Ryan Leak [32:10]: "Now, you're having fun. You're ready for it. You expected it. They didn't catch you slipping."

Whether dealing with a tardy colleague, a demanding client, or a habitually disorganized team member, adjusting expectations equips listeners to handle situations with composure and understanding.

Insights from Ryan Leak's New Book

Ryan offers a sneak peek into his forthcoming book, How to Work with Complicated People, describing it as an in-depth exploration of the "Expectations Detox" methodology. He promises that the book will provide transformative strategies for enhancing leadership, personal growth, and interpersonal relationships.

Ryan Leak [40:20]: "In my new book, how to Work with Complicated People dropping tomorrow... I dive deep into what I call an expectations detox."

Conclusion

"Expectations Detox" serves as a compelling reminder of the importance of realistic standards in our interactions. By recognizing and embracing the inherent complexities of those around us, Ryan Leak empowers listeners to cultivate more meaningful and less stressful relationships. This episode not only encapsulates the essence of his upcoming work but also provides immediate, practical advice for anyone seeking to enhance their personal and professional lives.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

On Silent Expectations:
“Most of us quietly expect two things from everybody, and we'd rarely ever say it out loud. But we expect just about everybody to be simple and perfect.”
— Ryan Leak [02:15]
On Human Complexity:
“Some people are complicated, imperfect, quirky, late, moody, difficult, dare I say human.”
— Ryan Leak [15:30]
On the Futility of Expecting Change:
“People who try to change, they actually believe they need to change.”
— Ryan Leak [25:50]
On Being Prepared:
“Now, you're having fun. You're ready for it. You expected it. They didn't catch you slipping.”
— Ryan Leak [32:10]
On the Essence of His Book:
“In my new book, how to Work with Complicated People dropping tomorrow... I dive deep into what I call an expectations detox.”
— Ryan Leak [40:20]

By internalizing the principles discussed in this episode, listeners can embark on their own "Expectations Detox," paving the way for more resilient and fulfilling interactions across all facets of life.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Welcome to the Ryan Leak podcast, where we keep things short, sweet and practical. This episode is officially released on Monday, April 14, which means tomorrow I have a brand new book coming out called how to Work with Complicated People. And I would love for you to order your copy on Amazon and it could be at your house within a day or two. Who knows, maybe even same day if you got Amazon Prime. Today's episode is unpacking something that I talk about in my book, which is one of the primary strategies for working with people who have that gift of getting on your last nerve. I want to talk to you today about how you're going to be so much more effective in your life, in your job, with your relationships, when you begin to adjust your expectations. Here's the truth. Most of us quietly expect two things from everybody, and we'd rarely ever say it out loud. But we expect just about everybody to be simple and perfect. You'd never say that out loud, but our internal reactions, frustrations, often come from people missing the mark. Now, their job description doesn't say simple or perfect, really, anywhere. The wedding vows don't typically include either of those words, but somehow when somebody falls short, it's usually from an internal expectation that our external relationships never even knew about. And so what we actually get instead of simple and perfect is, well, complicated, imperfect, quirky, late, moody, difficult, dare I say human. Unfortunately, your only options for bosses, co workers, kids, neighbors, pastors, lovers, the only options you got are human ones. And humans, unfortunately, well, they come with complexity. I mean, wouldn't it be awesome if we could all go to perfectpeople.com and hand pick flawless individuals to marry, to lead, to work with, to hire, start businesses with these people, live to these people. But here's the problem. Well, we wouldn't be on the website. They wouldn't be able to pick us. So what do we do instead? I think we adjust our expectations. Stop being disappointed when you don't get sameness. People are different, Wildly different. And I'll prove it. Some people are one word responders. You got any friends like this? The one word responders. Fine. Good. Okay, that's the whole text. The one that drives me the most crazy is when someone responds with just sure. Wanna go on a date? Sure. Will you be in my birthday buddy? Sure. Listen, I get it. Some people just don't feel like texting you back, so they'll just hit you with the sure. Some people are the opposite, though. They are blog responders. You ask how their weekend was and they send you 800 words seven photos, three voice memos and a Spotify playlist. You're like, hey, I don't need all of that. Some people are in group chats, but don't ever respond. Don't judge them. They just got stuff to do and they don't feel like responding. I get it. People are different. Some people are Walmart people. Low prices, rollbacks, everything in bulk. I get it. Some people are target people. $50 for some toothpaste and throw pillows and they'll get groceries and couches at the same time. They're different. You got Nike people, you got Adidas people. You got New Balance people. They different. You got Coke people, Pepsi people, Dr. Pepper people, Coke Zero people, McDonald's, Coke people, water people that would be upset if I mentioned a carbonated drink on a podcast. You got fast food people. They need their Chick Fil A in five minutes or less. Then you got slow food people. You go out with them, they wanna be there for three hours. It's like, hey, man, I got stuff to do. Some people are snack people. You know anybody like this? You ain't never seen them eat ever. But they always just nibbling. They just like squirrels all day. You be like, did you eat today? Yeah, you had some almonds. You be like, what you got indoorsy people, outdoorsy people. You got. Some people's ideal vacation is leaving their kids and going to a beach with no schedule, no responsibility, just peace. Some people's dream is a staycation where grandma takes the kids and they do nothing in their own house. Some people's dream vacation is to take their kids with them. I'd be like, why are you taking your chaos to another city? But we're different. The reality is we just can't walk into the world and expect the world to have our preferences, our pace and our personality. They're different. And that's okay. Stop being shocked when humans don't match your settings because they've got their own. So I'm going to encourage you to walk into dinners, meetings, zooms, classrooms, group chats, PTA meetings, family reunions, in laws, houses, weddings, holiday gatherings, airport security lines, staff huddles, boardrooms, road trips, Facebook comment sections, HOA meetings, fantasy football draft, small groups, parent teacher conference, maybe even your own kitchen on a Monday morning. And when you walk in there, I want you to be expecting complicated. Yeah, I want you to expect the quirks. I want you to expect tardiness, attitude, disorganization, oversharing. Under delivering, I want you to expect that weird comment in the meeting. Expect someone to talk, just to hear themselves talk. Like, this isn't about lowering your standards. It's about having realistic standards and realistic expectations. People constantly tell me, I can't believe my co worker would throw me under the bus like that. I can't believe my friend was an hour late again. I can't believe my sibling still doesn't text me back. I can't believe. I can't believe. I can't believe my response. Believe these people. Absolutely believe them. Because people show us who they are all the time. We just don't want to accept the data. It's not on them, it's on us. So here's what I believe is going to help you with difficult and complicated people. Stop expecting people to change who aren't trying to. I'll say it one more time, stop expecting people to change who aren't trying to. Here's what I've learned. People who are trying to change, they do two things. Number one, they actually believe they need to change. If your boss has anger issues, the question is, do they even believe that they have anger issues? If your best friend never follows through on anything, do they believe it's a problem? You see, awareness is the first step and many people aren't even on the staircase. Number two, people who try to change, they go out of their way to do so. If they believe they have anger issues, they find a therapist. If they're out of shape, they find a trainer. If they struggle with procrastination, they get an accountability partner. If they over promise and under deliver, they stop promising and start planning. Now here's the million dollar question. Does the most difficult person in your life show either of those traits? Do they even think they need to change or are they actively working on it? If the answer is no, why are you expecting them to be any different? My friend, stop expecting people to change who aren't trying to. You see, the beauty of this posture is it changes how you show up everywhere. Oh, you show up completely different. You show up to work Monday morning thinking, is it going to be you today, Sheila? Is it gonna be you today? Are you the one that's gonna bring the foolishness? Here's the deal, Sheila, shockingly, is chill. You like? All right, I see you. I see you, Sheila. That's cool. Tuesday, you walk into a meeting with Lucy. You brace for the eye roll and all of a sudden she gives you nothing. She's somehow acting like a functional adult. You're like, this is amazing. Wednesday happens. Zoom call with your most demanding client. You're Ready for the chaos. But hey, they must have had their morning coffee because they're shockingly pleasant. Then Thursday rolls around and Jamal tries to blame you for his mistake. And in that moment, you've got grace in your back pocket. And you say, jamal, I've been waiting for you all week. Why? Because you were expecting complicated. You see, now you're having fun. You're ready for it. You expected it. They didn't catch you slipping. Here's the deal. You already know who's difficult in your life. Why would you let them catch you by surprise? Prepare now. This doesn't mean you just have low standards for humanity. No, no, no. You're not cynical. You're not bitter. You're just realistic. You're not lowering your standards. You're preparing for their humanity. Throughout the process of publishing my new book, I made some mistakes. The team made some mistakes. There was one big mistake that in hindsight, was rather small. In fact, it was so small, I can't even remember what the mistake was. But I do remember this. One person on the team said, are you mad that you have to delay the book launch again? I said, actually, I'm not mad. They said, why? I said, because I was expecting doesn't mean we can't have a conversation about how we'll do better next time. It doesn't mean that there's no accountability. It just means that conversation is about a hundred times more healthy because we left margin in our working relationships for delays, setbacks, missteps. And I just think that your life and work gets better when you have realistic expectations for the world around you, my friend. In my new book, how to Work with Complicated People dropping tomorrow. If you are listening to this on April 14, Monday, it drops on April 15. I dive deep into what I call an expectations detox. And it's a way to reset the unrealistic standards that we often place on people who have no intention of meeting them. I promise it is going to transform the way that you lead, the way that you live, and the way that you love. You can grab your copy on Amazon today. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Link podcast. If today's episode added value to your life, do not keep it to yourself and share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me. If you take a moment to rate, review and subscribe, leave a comment if there's a topic that you'd like me to cover in the future, I would love to hear from you via text. I send out an encouraging text every single week to about 20,000 people. If you'd like to subscribe to those encouraging texts, you could text the Word podcast to the number 469-809-1201. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks so much for being a part of the journey and we will see you next time.