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Hey, welcome back to the Ryan Lee Podcast, where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Today's episode is entitled Just Kidding. Just kidding. Have you ever been in a meeting as a grown person, a professional adult? You are in a very serious meeting and somebody says something to you that hits you the wrong way and suddenly all of a sudden, you're no longer in your 40s. You in that moment, well, you turn seven. Yeah, you turn into a kid. You are now seven years old. And maybe you are just in a suit or a dress and just. You're seven with a really, really nice purse. And in that moment, you're not thinking about strategy, you're not thinking about the mission and vision. You're thinking, who in the world do you think you are? And the next words that come out of your mouth, well, they didn't come from the CEO version of you. They didn't come from the parent version of you. They came from the playground version of you. The one who got picked last, the one who got talked down to, the one who had something to prove before they even knew what they were proving. That's what I'm calling just kidding. Not the phrase, the phenomenon. It's what happens when a grown adult gets triggered into their younger self. When the kid in you hijacks the adult in you. When you show up to a grown up conversation, but the grown up doesn't even make it to the room. Psychologists actually have a term for this, and it's called age regression. It doesn't mean you're broken. It just means that something in the present activated something from the past. A tone, a look, the feeling of being dismissed. And your brain, my brain, faster than we can think, pulls up an old file, an old wound, an old version of us, and then that version takes the wheel before the adult can even grab the keys. It's like an emotional time travel, except you didn't choose the destination. I'll be honest with you. I know exactly when my inner kid shows up. He shows up at work. Specifically when I feel belittled, when I feel like someone believes that I should feel lucky to be in the room with them. When there's a tone. And you know a tone, right? Like when, when, when there's a tone that suggests I should just be grateful they even gave me the time of the day. Like whenever I feel that there's not like a mutual respect. Oh, let me tell you something. I go back to 7 year old me because, you know, at age 7 is when my father had his first stroke. And when my father had his first stroke, I became radically independent. And so how that shows up in my adult life is whenever I feel disrespected or whenever I feel like somebody belittles me or has an interesting tone with me, I immediately go to, I don't need you. Yeah. Yeah. I ain't got to be here. Like, what is that? That's seven year old me. That's. That's me. Just kidding. That's. That's age regression. Yeah, and age regression. Doesn't care about your LinkedIn, doesn't care about your resume, doesn't care about your title, doesn't care. All it needs is one trigger and it pulls us back in time. We've seen it in marriages. Two adults who love each other and one says the wrong thing at dinner and now nobody's talking. She ain't mad about no dishes. She's mad because his tone reminded her of her father. He's not shutting down because of the argument. He's shutting down because her criticism sounded like his coach from high school. Two 45 year olds at a kitchen table. But emotionally, those are two 10 year olds at that table. You've seen it at Thanksgiving. You are a whole grown professional. You running companies, you're leading people. And one sarcastic comment from your sibling sends you back to 1997 ready to throw mashed potatoes. You're not arguing about politics. You're arguing about who dad loved more. We've all been there. The question isn't whether your inner kid shows up. The question is, do you let them run the meeting? Do you let them run dinner time? Here's what I've learned. When it comes to my inner kid. He's very fast. He's very reactive. He has zero interest in resolution. No, he's got something to prove. He wants the other person to feel what he felt. And if I let him drive, he will burn a bridge that took years to build in just about 15 seconds. The grown up in me, well, he's slower. He thinks before he speaks. He's a little bit more mature. He asks questions instead of making accusations. Grown up me can feel disrespected and still choose to respond with dignity. The kid reacts, the grownup responds. And the gap between those two is where maturity truly lives. So how do we keep the kid from running the show? First, we have to learn our triggers. Yeah, we have to name them. For me, it's feeling belittled. For you, it might be feeling ignored or controlled or compared to someone else. And you can't manage what you haven't identified the moment you can say, hey, I know what's happening right now. This is hitting an old wound. You have then created a gap between the trigger and the response. That gap is where the grownup has a chance to show up. Second, buy yourself some time. The kid in you and the kid in me wants to respond immediately. And that's the whole game. So create space, take a breath, take a walk, say, let me think about it and get back to you. Don't let the first thing you feel be the first thing you say. Because the first thing you feel in a triggered moment is almost never the truest thing. It's the oldest thing, and old reactions don't solve new problems. Third, ask the question that changes everything. Right before you respond, ask yourself who's about to talk right now, the grown up or the kid? Because if it's the kid, they're going to say something that feels good for five seconds and could cost you five years. We spend a lot of time talking about what to say in hard conversations. You know, the right tone, the right words, the right framework and all of that definitely matters. But none of it matters if the wrong version of you shows up to deliver it. You can have the perfect script and still ruin the conversation. ChatGPT can put together the exact words you are supposed to say in a difficult conversation. But if the seven year old version of you reads the script, it's the right words, but the wrong person in the room. So before your next hard conversation, just do some quick check ins. Is it the kid who wants to be right or the grown up who wants resolution? Is it the kid who wants to win? Or is it the grown up who wants to keep the relationship? You have come way too far to let an eight year old version of yourself make decisions. For the 50 year old version of you. For the 40 year old version of you. For, 60 year old version of you. For. 30 year old version of you. Yeah, we got to stop. Just kidding. So the next time you feel that trigger, take a breath and say to yourself, not today. The grownup is here. The grown up is going to handle this. Because that's. Well, that's how you. That's how you stop kidding around with your growth and start showing up like the person you actually are. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Lee podcast. If today's episode inspired you, I'd encourage you to share it with a friend and take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. Hey, we'll catch you next time.