Podcast Summary: Navigating Holiday Drama Before It Starts

Podcast: The Ryan Leak Podcast
Host: Ryan Leak
Episode: Navigating Holiday Drama Before It Starts
Date: November 17, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ryan Leak provides practical, heartfelt advice on how to proactively navigate and disarm holiday drama before it erupts. Drawing from personal experiences, leadership lessons, and his signature blend of humor and empathy, Ryan reframes the often-tricky landscape of family gatherings, inspiring listeners to be intentional, prepared, and peaceful leaders at the table.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Acknowledging Holiday Realities

• Many people approach family gatherings with caution or anxiety rather than joy.
• The presence of unpredictable relatives or surprise guests often escalates tension, leading some to "treat their family gatherings like it's a cold plunge…they want to get in and get out and thaw before anyone can start an argument." (Ryan Leak, 01:50)

2. Setting Expectations and Boundaries

• You don’t have to match anyone else’s energy. (02:20)
  Just because others are rude, passive-aggressive, or provocative, you are not obligated to respond in kind.
• Preparation is key:
  "Preparation is your power. Because you already know it's coming... Just don't spend your energy hoping the holiday will be different this year. No, you should spend your energy deciding that you will be different this year." (Ryan Leak, 03:05)

3. Understanding and Disarming Patterns

• People will act according to their consistent patterns—anticipate and prepare for it rather than hoping for change.
• “When you stop being surprised by predictable behavior, you take away its power to steal your peace.” (Ryan Leak, 04:15)
• You cannot control others’ behavior, only your response and attitude.

4. Intentional Leadership at the Table

• Families can trigger old habits, often making adults feel like their teenage selves.

  “One sarcastic comment from your sibling can send you right back to your 13-year-old self... That's the trap. Do not fall for the trap this holiday season.” (Ryan Leak, 05:30)

• Don’t let dysfunction pull you out of character; leadership is about choosing not to mirror negative energy but being a “light.”
• Choosing calm over chaos, curiosity over criticism, and intentionality over passivity.

5. Creating Culture with Intentional Conversation

• Ryan shares a transformative Thanksgiving experience facilitated by his friend, Pastor Mike Hayes, where everyone around the table expressed something kind about Mike’s mother (07:20).

  “That dinner alone taught me that the best tables aren't led by the loudest people. They are led by the most intentional ones.” (Ryan Leak, 08:47)

• Advice: Don’t just let conversation happen; steer it toward gratitude, connection, and positivity.

6. Practical Tips for Steering Conversation

• Sample Questions for the Table (12:22):
  • “What’s one thing you’re thankful for this year that you didn’t expect?”
  • “What’s something you’re grateful for about the person sitting on your right?”
  • “What’s a small win you had this year that made a big difference?”
• These questions foster meaningful, memorable connection and can define the emotional tenor of the gathering.

  “Simple doesn’t mean shallow. It’s amazing what happens when you give people a chance to share something meaningful, to share something kind.” (Ryan Leak, 13:33)

7. Choosing Perspective and Peace

• Drawing on a favorite scripture from Romans:

  “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Ryan Leak, 15:10)

• Peace isn’t pretending; it’s deciding that drama won’t dictate your joy.
• Focus on gratitude, grace, and joy; what you focus on grows.
• “Be the calm in the chaos, my friend. Laugh at the burnt rolls. Compliment the mediocre Mac and cheese. Ask the questions that shift the tone...you won’t just survive the holiday, you’ll actually give yourself a chance to lead it.” (Ryan Leak, 17:25)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You do not have to match anyone else's energy this holiday season.” (Ryan Leak, 02:20)
• “Preparation is your power.” (Ryan Leak, 03:05)
• “When you stop being surprised by predictable behavior, you take away its power to steal your peace.” (Ryan Leak, 04:15)
• “You're not called to be a mirror. I think you're called to be a light.” (Ryan Leak, 06:10)
• “The best tables aren't led by the loudest people. They are led by the most intentional ones.” (Ryan Leak, 08:47)
• “Simple doesn't mean shallow.” (Ryan Leak, 13:33)
• “Peace does not mean pretending everything's fine. It means deciding drama won't dictate your joy.” (Ryan Leak, 15:30)
• “Be the calm in the chaos, my friend... Ask the questions that shift the tone.” (Ryan Leak, 17:25)

Important Timestamps

• 01:50 — The ‘cold plunge’ analogy for surviving family gatherings
• 03:05 — Preparation is your power
• 04:15 — Not being surprised by predictable behaviors
• 05:30 — The “teenager effect” and the importance of not regressing
• 07:20 — Pastor Mike Hayes’ Thanksgiving exercise
• 08:47 — Tables are led by intention, not volume
• 12:22 — Sample questions to change the table dynamic
• 13:33 — The power of simple, intentional conversation
• 15:10 — “Live at peace with everyone” — biblical perspective
• 17:25 — Bringing calm and joy, setting the tone

Takeaways

• Preparation, not reaction, is the key to peaceful holidays.
• Your response—not others’ actions—sets the tone for gatherings.
• Intentional conversation cultivates gratitude and connection.
• You don’t have to have a leadership title to lead your family or group into a better holiday experience.
• Focus on gratitude, joy, and grace even (especially) amidst imperfections.

In Ryan Leak’s signature words:
“Don’t just survive the holiday, lead it.” (17:25)