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Welcome back to the Ryan Link podcast, where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Today's episode, I believe, is going to add value to your life. Specifically, I believe it's going to add value to your relationship, specifically around navigating holiday drama before it starts. That's right. Today we are talking about navigating holiday drama, baby mama drama, trauma, whatever you want to call it, we are going to get ahead of the drama before it begins because we have all got that person. You know who I'm talking about? It's an uncle, it's an auntie, a cousin, a parent, a step parent, a brother from another mother, and. And let's just say. Let's just say one of the aforementioned individuals decides to bring a plus one wild card, okay? We can easily find ourselves sharing some lobster Mac and cheese with someone we were not looking forward to having a meal with at all. Now, for a lot of people, the holidays aren't a time to rest. They're times to survive. Okay? I have several friends who are going home for the holidays and they are doing so for, like, five hours, okay? They're flying in and out same day. They're like, ryan, I can only handle my family in doses. I'm like, dude, is it your cousins or what? They're like, no, it's my mom. It's my dad. I'm like, wow, that is just crazy to me. And it's just like, some people will literally treat their family gatherings like it's a cold plunge, okay? They want to get in and get out and thaw, okay? Before anyone can start an argument. But here's the truth. Here's what I. I want to level set you for the holiday season. You do not have to match anyone else's energy this holiday season. Like, just because someone else decides to be passive aggressive or politically charged or overly opinionated, it does not mean that you have to do the same. Just because someone's rude doesn't mean that you have to retaliate. Like, you get to decide the tone that you bring to the table. What I want you to know this holiday season is preparation is your power. I'm gonna say it again. Preparation is your power. Because you already know it's coming. You know who's going to say what. You know who's going to show up late. You know who's going to show up ready to stir up the pot. They are looking forward to stirring the pot. Just don't spend your energy hoping the holiday will be different this year. No you should spend your energy deciding that you will be different this year. Yeah, you may not be able to control the holiday, but you can control you on the holiday. The best way to navigate holiday drama before it starts is to prepare for people's patterns. Some folks are going to act the same way they always do. They. That doesn't have to frustrate you. I actually think it can free you if you let it. You see, when you stop being surprised by predictable behavior, you take away its power to steal your peace. Here's the deal. You can't control who sits at your table, but you can absolutely control what you bring to the table. And you can bring peace, you can bring patience. You can bring perspective. But here's what often happens though. Family has a unique way of pulling out the teenager in us. Isn't that true? Like you could be running a whole company, leading people, managing budgets, making major life moves. And one sarcastic comment from your sibling can send you right back to your 13 year old self ready to throw mashed potatoes across the room. And my friend, that's the trap. Do not fall for the trap this holiday season. You want to know what's interesting is in the process of dealing with people we love but don't always like, we can end up becoming someone we don't like. My friend, don't let someone else's dysfunction pull you out of your character. It's not about pretending the tension isn't there. It's not about choosing that they don't have any issues. It's not choosing to ignore pass. It's about choosing not to mirror it. Matching energy feels justified in the moment, but it usually leaves us regretting how we acted. You're not called to be a mirror. I think you're called to be a light. I think you're called to be different. So instead of reflecting the chaos, bring the calm. Instead of reacting, be the leader. Now, I learned this from a friend of mine. His name is Pastor Mike Hayes. Over a decade ago, he invited my wife and I to dinner for Thanksgiving. We didn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving one year. And he said, hey, come, come, come with us. And here's, here's what's interesting. Before we started eating, he said something that I'll never forget. He said, hey, I want to go around the table and I want each and every person to say something kind about my mother. Okay? I want everyone at the table to go around the table and say something nice about my mother. And it stopped me in my tracks because I just thought, man, this is. This is just so intentional. And everyone went around and said so many kind things about her, and I thought it was awesome. And I also thought it was interesting because, well, me and my wife, we didn't actually know his mother, so it was like, what are we gonna say? And so, ironically, when it got to me, I said, hey, here's the deal. I don't know you, but I do know the people surrounding you right now, and that speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. You must be really great to get this many people to say this many kind things about you. In that one moment, it really shaped the entire meal. No one talked about politics. No one debated football. No one compared recipes or tried to win the who made the best dish? Contest. It was just gratitude, kindness, and connection. And, my friends, it wasn't an accident. It was leadership. That dinner alone taught me that the best tables aren't led by the loudest people. They are led by the most intentional ones. So here's what I'm going to encourage you with today. Don't just let the conversation happen this year. Steer it. Yes, steer it. Lead it. If you're hosting Thanksgiving this year, you get to set the tone. If you're not hosting Thanksgiving this year, you can still set the tone with your attitude. You do not need a title to lead. Sometimes leadership looks like biting your tongue when you want to clap back. Sometimes it looks like choosing curiosity over criticism, and sometimes it looks like just asking better questions. And I get it. Holidays can feel like pressure cookers. Okay, we expect this perfect gathering that ends up being a little too real. But it doesn't have to be a perfect gathering to be a meaningful gathering. No family is flawless. The holidays aren't supposed to look like a Hallmark movie, contrary to popular belief. They're supposed to look like love trying its best. So maybe this year you decide to create a new culture at your table. Maybe you set aside some intentional questions that bring out the good instead of the drama. What if you tried asking, hey, what's one thing you're thankful for this year that you didn't expect? Yeah, what's one thing you're thankful for this year that you just didn't expect, you didn't see it coming, but you're really grateful for? Or another question could be, what's something you're grateful for about the person sitting on your right? Yeah, just have everybody go around. Hey, for the person sitting on your right, I want you to tell them something that you're grateful for about that person. Now, don't change seats. Okay. Like, and if you're going into a prepared, like, you're like, all right, I'm specifically gonna sit next to this person. I'm definitely not sitting next to that person. No, don't. Don't cheat. Just sit where you're gonna sit and just say, hey, man, what's something you're grateful for about the person sitting to you? Right? Another question that you could ask that again. You're gonna be the leader. You're gonna make everybody do this, right? And whoever goes first, everybody just kind of has to fall in line, right? You could ask, hey, what's a small win you had this year that made a big difference? Yeah, what's a small win you had this year that made a big difference? And win they share, man. Be their cheerleader. I'm so glad that happened for you this year. That's awesome. And what if that small win you just decided to make it a big win? Well, now you have totally influenced table. It's a different conversation because you're at the table. These are some simple questions, but simple doesn't mean shallow. And I just want you to know, I think it's amazing what happens when you give people a chance to share something meaningful, to share something kind. In that moment, you turn a regular meal into something that they never forget. Now it's now it's a true moment that they can hold on to, perhaps even for the rest of the year. And I get that everybody that listens to this podcast isn't a person of faith, but I'm a person of faith. And there's a scripture that I love that's found in Romans that I think is helpful for you whether you're a person of faith or not. It says this. It says, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Now, that verse hits different around the holidays, and I want to. I want to zoom in. I want to double click on this just a little bit. Okay? It doesn't say, everyone will make it easy. Okay. It just says, as far as it depends on you, which means play your part at the table as best as you can. Peace does not mean pretending everything's fine. It means deciding drama won't dictate your joy. It means knowing your peace is worth protecting, even if that means letting someone else have the last word. This year, you can focus on who frustrates you, or you can focus on who's still here to love, because we've all lost loved ones. And sometimes we'll let something real petty keep us from actually embracing and valuing the people that are still at the table. You can focus on the family member who always pushes buttons, or you can focus on the friend who always brings warmth when they walk in the room. What you focus on will grow, so I'm going to encourage you to focus on gratitude, focus on grace, focus on joy. I get Family can be complicated, but you don't have to be. Prepare for the moments that might test you, but decide in advance. I will not match the energy. I will set the standard. Be the calm in the chaos, my friend. Laugh at the burnt rolls. Compliment the mediocre Mac and cheese. Ask the questions that shift the tone. Because when you you won't just survive the holiday, you'll actually give yourself a chance to lead it. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Link podcast. If today's episode inspired you and added value to your life, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey and I hope you have a phenomenal holiday season. See ya.