A (3:28)

That's the goal. So give you a couple things to think about, and then I'm gonna let you get back to holiday shopping. Okay? So the first thing that I try to do, this is very, very new for me, is at holiday gatherings, instead of trying to connect with everybody, I pick two people. Yeah, I make it a goal to say, hey. Instead of trying to say hi to 100 people, I actually want to really connect with two people. I recently was just at a holiday gathering for our church, and there's about 100 people there, and. And I definitely felt the temptation. I wouldn't even say I felt the pressure, but I definitely felt the temptation to, like, I guess what we would call, like, work the room. It's like, you're not a politician. What are you doing? Like, why do you feel like you need to work the room? You feel like you need to have said hey to everyone? And there's plenty of people in that room that I love, that I love to hang out with and love to, you know, talk more and all this thing, But I don't want to do small talk with them. What I actually want to do is I actually want to have a. A real conversation with people. And so I've just decided that, hey, these holiday gatherings, like, I don't actually have to get to every single person. We are not shaking hands and kissing babies like that. That's sort of the mantra that we all feel like we're all holding each other to. But I think this idea of going, like, can I really connect with two people before the night's over? Like, you're giving yourself a goal and you're making it just way, way more intentional. And then once you've pictured your. Your two people that you could try some questions like, hey, what's been the highlight of your year so far? Hey, what. What's been your biggest challenge thus far this year? You can even take it even further. Hey, man, what could I be? What could I be praying for? I did this at this. At this church gathering, and I was sitting next to a guy and he started talking about his kids. And.

A (5:32)

When you have multiple kids, what's interesting is most people know your first kid's name, but. But like your second and third and mess around and have like seven kids. Like, we don't know. We don't know who these people are. They're. They're just. They're just related to you at this point. We don't have that kind of capacity to be remembering all those things. And in my friend who I was talking to, he had three kids, and I just thought.

A (5:55)

He'S. He's my sole focus for the night. Like, I'm. I'm not trying to get somewhere else. I'm not looking past him, I'm looking at him. And so what I did is I just. I just pulled on my phone, I said, hey, what are your kids names? Like, how can I. Like, how can I spell? I want to. I want to make sure that I've. I've spelled your kids names right. Which seems like, what's the big deal of that? Well, my son's name is Jackson, and when people text me about Jackson, his name is actually spelled J, A, X, S, O, N. And whenever someone's like, man, how's Jackson doing? They spell it, like, the normal way. Like, that's bad on me and my wife for complicating his spelling of his name for the rest of his life. But nevertheless, when somebody texts us about him and they have his name spelled correctly, I don't know why, but it, like, matters because it's.

A (6:46)

Her son. And so I was just like, man, I want to get their names right. And I said, hey, man, I just want to let you know, like, when I think about your family and when I pray for your family.

A (7:01)

I'm going to call out your kid's name.

A (7:05)

And all of a sudden, somebody that hates small talk actually isn't having Small talk anymore. Now we've moved into a completely different area of intentional talk.

A (7:20)

And again, we didn't have some massive, deep conversation about his children. And you know, is one struggling with anxiety or is one trying to make a decision about like, we didn't even take it that far. We took it far enough to say.

A (7:37)

We'Re not trying to be normal.

A (7:40)

No.

A (7:43)

We'Re trying to be intentional. And that's what I want you to do this holiday season. Like, I know you got some family coming over and if you didn't listen to the last episode on navigating holiday drama before it starts, I highly recommend it. Got a lot of feedback on that one that they were like, hey, I needed that. And we did that one before Thanksgiving and, and so you might want to re listen to that one share with the family before Christmas. But this is not navigating drama before it happens. But you, you are, you're being a person who is incredibly intentional about the relationships in their world. One of my mentors is a guy by the name of John Maxwell. What he is masterful at is intentional conversations.

A (8:30)

Everything in his life is intentional. He does not leave space for shooting the breeze. No. He is being incredibly intentional in everything he does. And it challenges me. Somebody that doesn't like small talk.

A (8:51)

I've just decided like, man, I want to have more intentional conversations. I don't want to survive the holidays anymore. I want to be intentional with the holidays. As we're preparing for our family gathering, we're going, hey, what, what questions could we print out? What, what, what games could we play that are actually like, we've decided what we're going to do with the time. We're not just going to let time happen to us. We're actually walking in with some sort of plan to actually engage one another in a way that.

A (9:26)

Is intentional. That like, like it, it matters. Like relationships matter. Connection matters. Our co workers, like, I know you may not even love your job, but again, the relationships, they, they still matter. And so I, I, I just want to give you that idea, that thought. Walk in with a plan, chat GPT some questions if you need to, but walk in with a plan that says, you know what, I'm going to be equipped to navigate this, this holiday gathering. And lastly, I want you to give yourself permission. Are you ready for this? I want you to give yourself permission to leave early. Yeah. Roll out. Yes. Give yourself permission to leave early. Yeah. Like this, this guilt trip that you might have to just stay to the lights cut off. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Be intentional while you're there. And when it's time to roll, it's time to roll. I think you can totally be an adult. That says you.

A (10:40)

It's time to call it a good night. And you're not a bad human being for. For doing that. No, you're just you. And that is a. Okay. I think the more you plan, the lighter it's going to feel. I think the less you overthink, the more natural you're going to. To walk around these gatherings. You don't have to fake extroversion, Okay? I think you just have to show up as a thoughtful, present version of who you actually are. Because the goal is not to survive small talk. It's to find connection inside of it. And when you walk into a room this holiday season, I want you to remember that you do not have to be the loudest person to be the most memorable. You just need to be real. Memorable is the person who listens more than they speak. Memorable is the person who asks questions that make someone pause and think beyond the status quo. Memorable is the person who brings peace into a room instead of noise one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being. That's kind of working the room and just. Man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is being able to slow a person down gently and ask them a real question. Hey, how's it going? Hey, man, how's your year? What's really going on with you? Oh, when you can pause, when you can slow someone down, you actually can bring some peace to them where there might be some chaos on the inside. Yeah. I want you to. Want you to show up to these holiday gatherings, show up with curiosity, ask some questions, be intentional, know your exits, protect your peace, be fully present for the few moments that matter. Hey, man, maybe lock in on just one or two people that you say, hey, I really want to make some. Some really intentional conversations with them. And my friend, when you do that, you're going to walk out of that room, and I actually think you're going to really be proud of yourself that you say, you know what? I actually truly connected with those two people tonight. And you didn't just survive. I think you actually get to win the holidays in that moment. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Link podcast. If today's episode inspired you or added value to your life in any way, I would encourage you to share it with a friend. And it would mean the world to me. If you take a moment to rate review and subscribe Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey. We'll catch you next time.