The Ryan Leak Podcast

Episode: Small Talk For Holiday Introverts

Date: December 8, 2025
Host: Ryan Leak

Episode Overview

Ryan Leak dedicates this episode to empowering introverts (and anyone dreading holiday small talk) with practical strategies for authentic connection during holiday gatherings. He shares personal insights into how to move away from surface-level chit-chat to intentional conversations, offering actionable advice, memorable anecdotes, and encouragement to make the most of the season—without draining your energy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introversion, Small Talk, and the Holiday Struggle

• Ryan opens with humor and self-reflection on his own introvert-extrovert ambiguity, describing himself as "ambivert"—able to be outgoing, but needing time to recharge.
  • “Some people have told me I'm actually an ambivert, which I guess means I can turn it on when I need to, and then I'm going to need to spend the next 4:48 hours after that recovering in silence with snacks and Netflix.” (01:05)
• Acknowledges the social pressures of holiday gatherings—job questions, neighbor updates, co-worker stories—and the desire to "just get to the mashed potatoes in peace".
• Reminds listeners: "We all crave connection," but small talk often feels inauthentic or exhausting (02:45).

2. Strategy #1: Walk In With a Plan

• The importance of having a social plan for gatherings rather than feeling trapped or caught off guard.
  • “I want you to walk in with a plan, with a strategy…like, you know, this gathering is coming, and so you might as well equip yourself with some tools…” (01:29)
• Emphasizes shifting your mindset from ‘impressing’ to ‘adding value’ for others:
  • "If you walk into that room and go, man, I'm actually not here to make an impression. I'm here to actually add value to other people's lives. I think it gives you a different posture immediately, just walking into the room." (02:00)

3. Strategy #2: Select Two People

• Instead of trying to engage with everyone, Ryan suggests intentionally connecting deeply with just two people.
  • “At holiday gatherings, instead of trying to connect with everybody, I pick two people…” (03:36)
• Reflects on own experience at a church party—resisting the urge to “work the room” like a politician (03:55).
• By focusing on authentic conversations with just a couple of people, you make the gathering richer and less overwhelming.

4. Strategy #3: Intentional Questions in Your Back Pocket

• Share ready-to-go meaningful questions to spark real conversation:
  • “What’s been the highlight of your year so far?”
  • “What’s been your biggest challenge?”
  • “What could I be praying for?”
  • “You can come up with some on your own, but I want you to prepare for these holiday gatherings in a way that makes you the most intentional person in the room.” (03:18)
• Tells a story: asking a friend about the specific spelling of his kids’ names, as a gesture of real interest and care.
  • “When someone texts us about [my son] and they have his name spelled correctly…it matters because it’s her son…” (06:35)
• This kind of personalized attention leads from small talk to meaningful connection:
  • "Somebody that hates small talk actually isn't having small talk anymore. Now we've moved into a completely different area of intentional talk." (07:05)

5. Strategy #4: Be Exceptionally Intentional — Not Just Surviving, But Thriving

• Don't aim to just get through the holidays, but to engage in a proactive, intentional manner (08:51).
• Reference to mentor John Maxwell:
  • “Everything in his life is intentional. He does not leave space for shooting the breeze. No. He is being incredibly intentional in everything he does. And it challenges me...” (08:30)

6. Strategy #5: Prepare Interactive Activities

• Suggests planning questions, games, or activities in advance that foster deeper interaction.
  • "We're not just going to let time happen to us. We're actually walking in with some sort of plan to actually engage one another in a way that...is intentional." (09:10)

7. Strategy #6: Permission to Leave Early

• Empowers listeners to set their own boundaries:
  • “And lastly, I want you to give yourself permission. Are you ready for this? I want you to give yourself permission to leave early. Yeah. Roll out. Yes. Give yourself permission to leave early.” (09:58)
• You’re not obligated to stay until the end; protect your peace and recognize when it’s time to go.

8. Final Encouragements: Aim for Connection, Not Performance

• You don’t need to fake extroversion—just be your thoughtful, present self.
  • "You don't have to fake extroversion, Okay? I think you just have to show up as a thoughtful, present version of who you actually are." (11:08)
• The real goal: find connection inside small talk and realize you can be memorable by simply being real and present.
  • “You do not have to be the loudest person to be the most memorable. You just need to be real.” (11:38)
• Suggests that acting with curiosity, listening well, and being intentional are the true markers of memorable presence.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Being an Ambivert:
  • “I can turn it on when I need to. And then I'm going to need to spend the next 4:48 hours after that recovering in silence with snacks and Netflix.” (01:05)
• On Small Talk Fatigue:
  • “While I love people, I hate small talk…You're just trying to get to the mashed potatoes in peace. Leave me alone.” (00:50)
• Shifting Perspective:
  • “I'm here to actually add value to other people's lives. I think it gives you a different posture immediately…” (02:00)
• Intentional Conversation:
  • “Somebody that hates small talk actually isn't having small talk anymore. Now we've moved into a completely different area of intentional talk.” (07:05)
• Setting Boundaries:
  • “You can totally be an adult that says…it’s time to call it a good night. And you're not a bad human being for doing that. No, you're just you and that is A-okay.” (10:40)
• Meaningful Presence:
  • “You do not have to be the loudest person to be the most memorable. You just need to be real…Memorable is the person who listens more than they speak.” (11:38)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Theme | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Introduction — why small talk is hard for introverts| | 01:29 | The power of preparing a social plan | | 02:00 | Shifting from impressing to adding value | | 03:28 | Strategy: connect deeply with just 2 people | | 05:32 | Conversation tips: Ask about specifics, show care | | 07:05 | Shifting from small talk to intentional connection | | 08:30 | Inspiration from John Maxwell on intentionality | | 09:10 | Plan purposeful activities for gatherings | | 09:58 | Give yourself permission to leave early | | 11:08 | Authenticity over performance | | 11:38 | Being memorable by being real and present |

Actionable Takeaways

• Plan ahead: Enter gatherings with intention, not obligation.
• Pick two: Select one or two people to connect with authentically, rather than spreading yourself thin.
• Ask real questions: Move past "How's the weather?" to questions about highlights, challenges, or support.
• Be present: Focus fully on individuals—remember details, show genuine interest.
• Protect your peace: Leave when you need to; give yourself grace and boundaries.
• Be yourself: You don’t have to be the loudest or most outgoing to make a lasting impression.

Episode Tone & Style

Ryan Leak’s tone is friendly, self-aware, humorous, and highly encouraging. He offers practical advice with vulnerable storytelling and refrains from judgment, making introverts (and everyone) feel seen, equipped, and empowered for the holidays.