The Most Complicated Person I Know - The Ryan Leak Podcast

Summary7 min read

The Ryan Leak Podcast: Episode Summary Title: The Most Complicated Person I Know
Host: Ryan Leak
Release Date: May 19, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "The Most Complicated Person I Know," Ryan Leak delves into the intricate dynamics of dealing with complicated individuals in both personal and professional settings. Building upon his New York Times best-selling book, How to Work with Complicated People, Ryan offers listeners a blend of personal anecdotes, research insights, and actionable strategies aimed at fostering healthier relationships and enhancing workplace harmony.

Acknowledging Success and Setting the Stage

Ryan begins by expressing heartfelt gratitude to his audience for the overwhelming support of his book, How to Work with Complicated People. He emphasizes the collective effort behind the book's success, thanking readers, Audible listeners, and social media supporters for their role in making it a bestseller.

“It has been a wild ride over the past couple of weeks to see how this book has impacted so many people. So once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
— Ryan Leak [00:00]

Unpacking the Research

Ryan introduces the core of the episode by discussing recent research conducted by the Ryan Lee Group in collaboration with the Center for Generational Kinetics. This comprehensive study aimed to understand the prevalence and impact of complicated individuals in the American workforce.

Methodology

Sample Size: 1,000 working Americans aged 18 to 65
Approach: Statistically weighted to mirror the U.S. census demographics concerning age, gender, region, and ethnicity.
Margin of Error: ±3.1 percentage points, ensuring the data accurately represents the broader workforce.

“This was a statistically valid nationwide study of 1,000 working Americans... the data paints an accurate snapshot of what's really happening in today's workforce in America.”
— Ryan Leak [Transcript Segment: Research Methodology]

Key Findings

Emotional Toll of Complicated Coworkers
- 80% of respondents find complicated coworkers exhausting.
- Emotional fatigue arises from navigating complex personalities and interpersonal dynamics.
Impact on Work Attendance
- 48% have taken a day off specifically because they had to deal with a complicated person at work.
- This personal time off indicates significant emotional distress and highlights the pervasive issue of workplace complexity.
Career Decisions Affected by Complexity
- 48% would accept a slightly lower-paying job to avoid working with complicated individuals.
- This statistic underscores the retention challenges and potential financial implications for organizations losing talent over interpersonal conflicts.
Prevalence of Complicated Individuals
- 79% of respondents report working with someone they consider complicated.
- Indicates that complexity in the workforce is widespread and not isolated to specific industries or roles.
Self-Perception vs. Perception of Others
- 74% believe they are less complicated than the average person.
- This reveals a significant awareness gap, where individuals perceive others as more complex than themselves, potentially leading to misunderstandings and judgmental attitudes.

“There is a major awareness gap between who we are think it's complicated and whether or not that person might actually be us.”
— Ryan Leak [Research Findings Discussion]

Personal Insights: Ryan's Own Complexity

Ryan candidly shares aspects of his own life that illustrate his complexity, making him relatable to listeners who may recognize similar traits in themselves.

Selector Frugality: Balances extravagant spending in certain areas (e.g., booking five-star resorts) with extreme thriftiness in others (e.g., purchasing water from Walmart).

“I book a five star resort without blinking, but I'm also going to go to Walmart when I get to that city and get water because I refuse to pay $8 a bottle in the room.”
— Ryan Leak [Personal Anecdote]
Overloaded Schedule: Manages multiple responsibilities simultaneously, from speaking engagements and coaching to writing books and recording podcasts.

“I've got more irons in the fire than a blacksmith at a summer fair.”
— Ryan Leak [Personal Anecdote]

Ryan humorously recounts an interaction with a PR team who initially perceived him as too complicated to work with, only reconsidering upon understanding the title of his book.

“They just knew I was doing a book tour. Let me just tell you what Greg wrote back to me... 'You seem really complicated.'”
— Ryan Leak [Personal Story]

Bridging the Awareness Gap

Ryan highlights a crucial insight from his research: while many perceive others as complicated, a significant number fail to recognize their own complexity. This disconnect can lead to undue criticism of others without self-reflection.

“We tend to give ourselves context because we are keenly aware of our behind the scenes. But we give others criticism... We say, oh, I didn't mean it that way, but when someone else does it, well, they meant it.”
— Ryan Leak [Self-Reflection vs. Judgment]

Strategies for Managing Complexity

Cultivating Self-Awareness

Ryan advocates for initiating interactions with self-awareness rather than defensiveness. By understanding and acknowledging our own complexities, we become less judgmental and more empathetic toward others.

“What if we started with self-awareness instead of self-defense? What if we asked in what ways could I be making it hard for others to work with me, date me, live with me?”
— Ryan Leak [Strategy for Improvement]

Promoting Empathy and Grace

Recognizing that others may be extending grace for our own quirks without our awareness can shift perspectives. This realization fosters a more compassionate and less critical approach to interpersonal relationships.

“There's someone in your life who's extending you grace right now for your quirks, your delays, your style, your habits, and you don't even know it.”
— Ryan Leak [Empathy and Grace]

Conclusion: Striving for Healthier Relationships

Ryan concludes by encouraging listeners to strive for personal growth through self-awareness, which in turn enhances the quality of their interactions. By becoming the kind of person others look forward to being around, we can transform our relationships from obligatory interactions to enjoyable collaborations.

“I think that's the kind of person that you and I should strive to be.”
— Ryan Leak [Final Thoughts]

Call to Action

Ryan wraps up the episode by urging listeners to share the insights with friends and support the podcast by rating, reviewing, and subscribing. He emphasizes the importance of spreading these transformative nuggets of inspiration to reach a broader audience.

“If today's episode inspired you, I would just ask that you don't keep it to yourself. Would you mind sharing it with a friend?”
— Ryan Leak [Closing Remarks]

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

Gratitude for Support:

“From the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
— Ryan Leak [00:00]
Research Reliability:

“The margin of error here is about 3.1 percentage points, which means the data paints an accurate snapshot of what's really happening in today's workforce in America.”
— Ryan Leak [Research Methodology]
Awareness Gap Insight:

“The math is not mathing. Right now there is a major awareness gap between who we are think it's complicated and whether or not that person might actually be us.”
— Ryan Leak [Awareness Gap Discussion]
Personal Complexity Example:

“I've got more irons in the fire than a blacksmith at a summer fair.”
— Ryan Leak [Personal Anecdote]
Self-Awareness Strategy:

“What if we started with self-awareness instead of self-defense?”
— Ryan Leak [Strategy for Improvement]
Empathy and Grace:

“There's someone in your life who's extending you grace right now for your quirks, your delays, your style, your habits, and you don't even know it.”
— Ryan Leak [Empathy and Grace]

Key Takeaways

Complexity in Relationships: Dealing with complicated individuals is a widespread issue that significantly impacts emotional well-being and workplace productivity.
Self-Reflection Over Judgment: Recognizing our own complexities can reduce our tendency to judge others, fostering more harmonious interactions.
Empathy and Grace: Understanding that others may silently accommodate our quirks encourages a more compassionate approach to relationships.
Research-Backed Insights: Ryan's discussion is grounded in robust research, providing credible and actionable insights into managing complicated relationships.
Personal Growth: Emphasizing self-awareness as a foundation for healthier relationships empowers individuals to lead more fulfilling personal and professional lives.

Ryan Leak’s "The Most Complicated Person I Know" episode offers a blend of personal introspection and empirical research to address the universal challenge of navigating complicated relationships. By advocating for self-awareness and empathy, Ryan provides listeners with the tools to transform their interactions and enhance their overall quality of life.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:01]
Ryan Leak
Hey, what's going on? It's Ryan Leak. And welcome to the Ryan Leak podcast, where we keep things short and sweet for you. Before I jump into today's episode, I wanted to just take a moment to thank each and every person who purchased a copy of how to Work with Complicated People. It is officially a New York Times best selling book, and. And that would not be possible without you. And so I wanted to just take a moment to say, from the bottom of my heart, thanks for your support. Thanks for listening to it on Audible, thanks for sharing about it on social media. It has been a wild ride over the past couple of weeks to see how this book has impacted so many people. So once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, today's episode is called the Most Complicated Person I Know. Okay. The Most Complicated Person I Know. And spoiler alert, it's not who you think it is. Or perhaps it's exactly who you think it is. I want to unpack the research a little bit behind the book. My company has actually been doing a lot of research lately at the Ryan Lee Group. We actually just conducted some research on stress that I find extremely fascinating, and I'm very much looking forward to sharing that in the near future. We also just started another study on change as well. It's a massive problem that a lot of my clients deal with and, you know, even just a lot of friends that are just navigating change. And so we wanted to do a deep dive on that and super excited to share some insights that we're learning in that regard, too. Now, as I've been extending a research arm of the Ryan Lee Group, I've thoroughly enjoyed that process. But for the study actually associated with how to work with complicated people, we actually partnered with the center for Generational Kinetics. Shout out to Jason Dorsey and his brilliant squad over there. We joined forces with them to conduct a national research study on one specific thing, complicated people in the workforce. Now, this wasn't just a few Instagram polls or a roundtable of a couple of buddies over at the house. This was a statistically valid nationwide study of 1,000 working Americans aged 18 to 65. We made sure that it was weighted to match the U.S. census on age, gender, region, and ethnicity. And so, just so you understand how research works, the margin of error here is about 3.1 percentage points, which means the data paints an accurate snapshot of what's really happening in today's workforce in America. So if you polled 10,000 people, you would get the Same results, plus or minus 3 percentage points. So just, just so you understand how, how we go about doing our research now, here's what we found. The impact of complicated people in the workforce is massive. 80% of people say complicated coworkers are exhausting. That means there is an emotional toll that happens when working with complicated people. 48% say they've taken a day off work because they had to work with or for a complicated person. Think about that for a second. 48% said they've taken a day off. They say, hey, you know what, let me go ahead and use some PTO for this person. It is not paid time off. It's a personal time. I want to take time out from a person. And maybe, maybe the most shocking statistic that we found was that 48% of workers would take a slightly lower paying job just to avoid complicated people altogether. That's not just a culture problem. That's a retention problem. That's a costly problem. That's a your best talent just left for $5,000 less kind of for problem. And here's where it got really interesting for me. Check this out. 79% of people say they work with someone who's complicated. Okay? 79%. Now get this. 74% of those same people believe they themselves are less complicated than the average person. Listen, my friends, the math ain't math in here, okay? The math is not mathing. Right now there is a major awareness gap between who we are think it's complicated and whether or not that person might actually be us. And that's a problem because here's where it gets real. And just. My friends allow me to go first. Hi, my name is Ryan Leak and I am complicated and I can prove it. I have what my friends call selector frugality, which means I have no problem sparing no expense on certain things and I am insanely cheap on other things. I'll book a five star resort without blinking, but I'm also going to go to Walmart when I get to that city and get water because I refuse to pay $8 a bottle in the room. And then you see me walking through the four seasons with a 24 pack of water. To which my wife looks at me and thinks, why are we here if we can't afford the water? To which I would say, how do you think we can afford to be here? Okay, I'm not bad. I'm just complicated. My schedule. Oh my goodness. You want to talk about complicated? Don't even try to understand my schedule. I've got More irons in the fire than a blacksmith at a summer fair. Okay, I'm flying across the country to speak. I'm coaching leaders, writing books, recording podcasts, working on documentaries, and still saying yes to things I probably should be saying no to. In fact, recently a PR team pitched me to do a big media tour for how to Work with Complicated People. And they didn't know the title of the book. And they said, hey, Ryan, we'll have you on Good Morning America. We're going to have you in LA and then Tampa and then Chicago and then New York. And I said, hey, that sounds amazing, but the problem is I'm already booked to speak, and I don't know that I can just hop on a plane and just hop over and do a TV show. Like, I've got work to do now. Again, they didn't know the title of the book. They just knew I was doing a book tour. Let me just tell you what Greg wrote back to me. He said, hi, Ryan, you seem really complicated. I'm going to pass on working together. And I said, listen, I totally understand that, but I've got. This book is called how to Work with Complicated People. And if you just read that, I promise you, you might change your mind on us working together. The reality is, I am complicated. I'm the most complicated person I know. I got a five calendar system and forget which one's right. I move so fast and assume people keep up with ideas I haven't even explained yet. I love people, but I'm terrible with group chats. So, yeah, I'm. I'm complicated. And the odds are, so are you. And let me just tell you why this matters. There's someone in your life who's extending you grace right now for your quirks, your delays, your style, your habits, and you don't even know it. And the wild part is this. You might be judging someone else for the exact same behavior you're currently getting a pass on. We tend to give ourselves context because we are keenly aware of our behind the scenes. But we give others criticism. We say, oh, I didn't mean it that way, but when someone else does it, well, they meant it. And in fact, I think we fill in the blank with their intentions. Oh, yeah? Yeah. They've had it out for me for forever. It's like, how do you actually know that? My friends, I've got an idea. What if we started with self awareness instead of self defense? Think about that for a second. What if we started with self awareness instead of self defense? What if we asked in what ways could I be making it hard for others to work with me, date me, live with me? Just think about this for a second. Here's the deal. That doesn't mean others aren't complicated. But if I can acknowledge my own complexity first, it doesn't make others less complicated. It just makes me less judgmental. And that, well, I think that's the start of becoming a healthier person to work with, live with. I think that's the start of becoming a person that people get to work with instead of being someone they have to work with. You see, I just think that there is a version of you where no one has to be stuck with you. I think you and I can be the kinds of people people look forward to being around. And I think that that's the kind of person that you and I should strive to be. My friends. That's all I got for you today. If today's episode inspired you, I would just ask that you don't keep it to yourself. Would you mind sharing it with a friend? It would also mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thank you so much for being a part of the jo and we'll see you next time.