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Hello, my friends. Welcome back to the Ryan Leak podcast, where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. This week's episode, I believe, at least my hope, is that it would give you empathy for a difficult person in your life. I don't know who your difficult person is. I don't know if you're married to this person. I don't know if it is the parent of the person you married. Could be an in law, could be a colleague, could be a boss, could be a neighbor, could be somebody you go to church with. It could be somebody that cuts you off at the grocery store. You name the person, and my hope is that over the next 10 to 12 minutes that we have together, that somewhere in your mind, somewhere in your heart, you would actually grow in your empathy for a difficult person. Today's episode is entitled the Story behind Difficult People. Now, I have what I like to call a corporate superpower. And my corporate superpower is I can get just about anybody to tell me how they're really doing. For some odd reason, if you drop me into a boardroom, a conference, a green room, or a random airport lounge, somehow, some way, people start telling me how they are really doing. I'm not talking about my friends. Okay? No, I'm not talking about my family. I'm talking about complete strangers. Go from 0 to 100. And maybe in the TMI world, where it's too much information, we don't call that keeping it 100. That's like 110. You're like, I don't even think I should know that. But for some odd in, I tend to get the real person, not the LinkedIn version. Not that I'm doing great. I'm doing good. Yeah, everything's good. Family's good. No, I. I don't get the Polish people. I don't get the highlight reel version of human beings. I get the honest version. And here's what I've learned. People are not doing nearly as well as their LinkedIn profile might suggest. People are not doing nearly as well as their Christmas photo might tell you. Otherwise, people are not doing nearly as well as their vacation Instagram post might otherwise sell you on this belief that life is just a beach in their world. That's not. That's not the case. And what I have come to learn from hundreds and thousands of conversations is that behind every difficult person is a difficult story. In college, I was exposed to a rather interesting book at Barnes and Noble. And there's a website, and there's been different Versions of this book that comes out in a variety of different ways every couple of years, I think. And it's called Post Secret. Post Secret. It's created by Frank Warren. Interestingly enough, he started this, you know, over a decade ago, where people would anonymously mail in postcards with secrets that they had never told anyone. No names, but also no filters, just raw truth. And so he posted his address, or P.O. box, if you will, on a blog. I think it was over a decade ago. And people would just send him the most insane secrets that would just blow your mind. And what I would actually do is I would buy. It's kind of like a picture book. So the graphic design is remarkable, the artwork is incredible. And I would actually leave it on my coffee table in college, in my apartment, because I wanted it to be a reminder of why I do what I do. Like, there are a lot of people in the world who are hurting, and. And I would always just kind of flip through it as a reminder of, like, man, people are not doing as well as they would tell you. And so it just would challenge me to take conversations just a little bit deeper. If you picked up this book, you'd cry. I think I'm not a big crier. But when you would have a deep moment. How about that? Okay, we're not gonna take you all the way to tears, but. But there are things in that book that you go, could I possibly be working with somebody who feels that way? I wrote down just a couple, just for you to be able to get what I'm trying to tell you here. One guy wrote, I smile at work every day, but I haven't felt happy in years. Another person wrote, my biggest fear is that I'll live an ordinary life and no one will ever really know me. I tell everyone I'm too busy to hang out, but the truth is, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I stayed in a relationship for years because I was afraid no one else would choose me. Another person wrote, I'm successful on paper, but I feel like a fraud in real life. Another person wrote, the people who think I'm the strongest have no idea how close I've been to quitting. Now, think about this for a second. These aren't just, you know, random people. I mean, technically, they are random people. But what I want you to understand is these are people that could be sitting next to you right now. These are people that you could be in meetings with in an hour. These are people that you could be having dinner with tonight. Like, you just you just never know. Like, whenever you're experiencing a difficult person, I want you to start imagining, and I wonder if they've got a difficult season that they're going through right now. Because now what you're looking for is the why behind the. What you're experiencing with this person. Like the minute you heard me say a difficult person, somebody popped up in your mind. You know, your co worker, employee, boss, family member, whoever it was. And it's easy to reduce them to a moment. You could just say, well, they're just negative or they're hard to work with, or they've got a bad attitude, or, you know, they're a pessimist. You know, they're always like this, or just like their mom, just like their dad. It's easy to sort of write people off. But what if you're just experiencing one scene in a very large story that you don't know? And I can just tell you what I've learned is that when people feel unseen, they act out. Because subconsciously, that's what they've learned, is the only way to be seen. When people feel unheard, they get louder. When people feel insecure, they overcompensate. When people are hurting, it starts to leak into every area of their life. It always leaks. And sometimes when it leaks out, we call that difficult. And I. I'll just tell you, I've had some conversations that would change the way you see people for forever. A boss or an executive who seems intense all the time, I promise you, is carrying pressure from a company that's barely holding it together. The employee who might seem disengaged, I'm telling you, they are dealing with something at home that they could never talk about at work. Maybe you got somebody in your life who comes across as arrogant. I promise you, the most arrogant person you know is deeply insecure. And what they're trying to do is protect themselves. The one who always pushes back. You're like, why? Why? They don't feel safe. That's why they do what they do. But we would never know that unless we slow down long enough to see it and hear it. In my learning time the other day and every single day, I set aside some time to just learn something. New stories, reading, writing. It's just part of my growth process. I came across this word, sonder. S O N D E R Sonder. It's interesting. It's a very, very interesting word. Sonder is the realization that every person you pass is living a life as complex as your own. Yeah. The sobering Realization that every person you interact with online and offline, in your office and in your home is living a life as complex as your own. And if you believe that, it'll change how you go to work, it'll change how you lead, it'll change how you parent, it'll change how you respond. Because now you're not reacting to behavior. You're not reacting to behavior. In fact, most of us are not at our best when we are reacting. But if you and I can learn the art of getting curious about somebody else's story, I think we give ourselves a chance to understand how a difficult person is actually showing up in our life. And I believe when we get more curious about their story, I actually believe that difficult people just get a little less difficult because we took a moment to actually understand them. So, my friend, the next time someone frustrates you in any way, shape or form, instead of asking what's wrong with them, try asking what might they be carrying right now that I just can't see? I believe that one question changes everything. It won't excuse bad behavior, but it will give you context. And I believe context creates compassion. Why in the world would you do this? Like, why in the world would you want compassion for a difficult person? The reason that I think you would want compassion for a difficult person is because you would want compassion for you. When you're having a bad day, when you're going through a rough time, what you want people to have is compassion. What you want is a break. What you want is people to understand what's going through your mind in those moments. If they only knew. Well, yeah, that. That's why you should get. That's why you should search for compassion. Because I think you need it. And if it's the thing that you need, can only imagine if it's the thing that they need, too. And I just think the whole world gets a whole lot better when we allow compassion to enter the room. My friend, my hope for you this week is that you would experience sonder, the sobering realization that every single person you encounter this week is going through something that is experiencing a story that they have not shared with you. And if you could see that story, well, I think that that difficult person might just become a little less difficult. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Leak podcast today. If today's episode added value to your life, do all the things, you know, the things, right? You listen to podcasts, rate it, review it, subscribe, share it with a friend, your support allows us to reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration, my friend. Until next time, have a phenomenal week.