What If They Aren’t Against You? - The Ryan Leak Podcast

Loading summary

Transcript1 lines

[00:01]
A
What's going on? My friends, welcome to the Ryan Leak podcast, where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Got a question for you today on this episode, and the question is this. What if they aren't against you? What if they aren't against you? I don't know if you ever assumed someone was against you and then you found out that you were completely wrong. Like, maybe your boss gave you tough feedback and you spent the whole weekend convinced they were trying to push you out. And then Monday comes around and they tell you they gave you that feedback because they see leadership potential in you and they're actually recommending you for a promotion. And so you spent the weekend thinking somebody was an enemy who was actually a friend. Or maybe, maybe, just maybe, a friend didn't text you back for a few days. Oh, my goodness. There is nothing more triggering than a close friend not texting you back. And let it three days. Let a week go by. The stories, oh my goodness. The stories we tell ourselves. When people don't text us back within 30 seconds, it's like, how dare you? You start building a whole narrative. You got Christopher Nolan up there, 70 millimeter Odyssey, like in your head about them. They're mad at me, they're pulling away. They didn't like what I said. They don't value this friendship. And then they call and say, hey, sorry, it's been a crazy week. My mom's been in the hospital. And you're like, ah, yeah, praying for you. You like, you just made them an enemy and now you're like, praying for them. Like, really, like, isn't it interesting how we can do this all the time with the text, with an email, with the tone, we can just kind of fill in the blank and we can just assign motives to people based on incomplete information. And nine times out of 10, the story we tell ourselves is way worse than what's actually happening. Now. I've done this so many times. I've sat in my office after a meeting and thought, they don't respect me. They're trying to undermine me. They think they're doing me a favor. And I've built an entire case against people, full courtroom drama in my head. Netflix up there. And in it. I mean, I can turn into a lawyer really, really fast. I mean, I got closing arguments, I got evidence, I'm lock loaded, ready to go. And I really like wearing three piece suits. Like, let's get it on. I can do that in my head before I've ever even asked them A single question about what they actually meant. And here's what I've learned. The story that I make up in my head is almost always more dramatic than the truth. My imagination is absolutely undefeated when it comes to creating worst case scenarios. So what if we flipped it? What if before we assumed the worst about someone, we considered the possibility that they're not against us? What if your co worker isn't trying to steal your idea? What if they're just excited about it? What if your spouse isn't criticizing you? What if they're trying to help and just said it wrong? What if your boss isn't micromanaging you? What if they're under pressure from their boss and they're doing the best that they can? What if the person who didn't invite you to the party isn't excluding you? What if they just assumed you were busy? I'm not saying everyone has good intentions. Some people don't. But I am saying that assuming the worst about absolutely everyone is exhausting and it poisons relationships that might have been just fine if we'd had just given them the benefit of the doubt. There's a phrase that I just love and it's assume positive intent. Rene Brown calls it the generosity hypothesis, which is asking, what's the most generous assumption I can make about what this person said or did? It doesn't mean to be naive. It means before you react, you pause. It means before you build the case, you ask the question. Before you write someone off, you give them a chance to explain. Because here's the truth. When you walk through life assuming people are against you, you start treating them like enemies. And when you treat people like enemies, you can't be surprised when the relationship starts to feel like a war. But when you operate with the generosity hypothesis, when you make a decision to choose to be the kind of person that assumes positive intent, something shifts. Your tone changes, your questions change, your posture changes. You walk into conversations curious instead of defensive. And curiosity builds bridges. That suspicion often burns. I recently had a client who ghosted us and it interestingly enough, this client had already booked me to speak and I had flights, hotel. The event was still happening, but the event planner just ghosted us. I don't even want to tell you the thoughts that I had in my head about the negligence and the excellence and what kind of kind of event. I mean, just the things that went on in my head was just like, what are you? Like what, what, what is. What is going on? And come to find out, she was in the hospital and unfortunately, she had lost a baby and all of this leading up to the event. And I. You know what's so interesting? That, that, I mean, it was a little moment on my side. It was a huge moment for her life. But that interaction, slash non interaction just made me go, how many times have I not made space for what somebody else could be going through? And guess what? They don't owe me an explanation. And I can't tell you the amount of times that I've been short. Or I just liked a text or one word responded somebody, and who knows what that made them think. And I very well could have texted them back while running in between terminals at an airport trying to catch another flight. Or maybe I was in the middle of running a basketball practice for my son's basketball team, or maybe I was doing homework with my kids and I just gave them a little quick response. Or maybe I forgot to respond altogether. Or maybe I had airplane wi fi, which I love the airlines, if you're listening, grateful for you, couldn't do life without you, to be honest. But even you would have to admit your wifi is spotty at best sometimes. I thought I sent the message and I did. And all I would want in that moment is a little bit of grace to say, hey, maybe there's more going on on that phone, on that laptop than what everybody could see. And so it makes me want to just be a little bit more empathetic to the world around me. So my challenge for you that this week is I just, I want you to think about someone you've been suspicious of, someone, someone perhaps you've been assuming the worst about, and ask yourself, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong about this person? And what if, what if, what if, what if they're not against me? What if there's a version of this story where we're actually on the same team? I think you might be surprised by what you find when you stop fighting people in your head who were never, ever fighting you in real life. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Leak podcast. If today's episode inspired you, I would ask that you don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me if you would take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey and I'll catch you next time.

Summary4 min read

The Ryan Leak Podcast – Episode Summary
Episode Title: What If They Aren’t Against You?
Host: Ryan Leak
Release Date: August 3, 2026

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Ryan Leak explores the all-too-common experience of assuming others are against us, particularly in professional and personal relationships. He challenges listeners to question these assumptions and instead consider the possibility of positive intent—a mindset shift that fosters curiosity, empathy, and healthier connections. Drawing from relatable anecdotes and practical wisdom, Ryan provides insight into the damaging effects of suspicion and the transformative power of assuming the best in others.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Assuming Negativity:
- Ryan opens with a question: “What if they aren’t against you?” ([00:10])
- Common scenarios: Interpreting tough feedback or delayed responses as signs of hostility or rejection.
- Example: Believing a boss’s tough feedback means they are trying to push you out, when in reality, it's because they see leadership potential and recommend you for a promotion ([00:30]).
The Narrative Trap:
- We jump to conclusions and create elaborate stories in our minds, often with negative assumptions.
- “You got Christopher Nolan up there, 70 millimeter Odyssey, like in your head about them.” ([01:10])
- Imagining courtroom dramas in your mind, building cases against colleagues or friends before knowing the facts ([02:00]).

2. The Reality Check

Imagination vs. Reality:
- Ryan candidly admits, “My imagination is absolutely undefeated when it comes to creating worst case scenarios.” ([02:40])
- Time and again, these worst-case stories turn out to be far from the truth.
- Example: Friend’s delayed text response is actually due to a family emergency, not personal slight ([01:32]).

3. A Mindset Shift: Assume Positive Intent

The “Generosity Hypothesis”:
- Inspired by Brené Brown, Ryan introduces the idea: "What's the most generous assumption I can make about what this person said or did?" ([04:40])
- Clarifies this doesn't mean being naive, but pausing before reacting, asking questions, and giving people a chance to explain.
Impact on Relationships:
- Treating people as adversaries often leads to relationship breakdowns.
- “When you walk through life assuming people are against you, you start treating them like enemies. And when you treat people like enemies, you can’t be surprised when the relationship starts to feel like a war.” ([05:28])
- In contrast, curiosity and generosity build bridges.

4. Real-Life Example: The Ghosted Client

Personal Story:
- Ryan shares an encounter with a “ghosted” client before a speaking event.
- His initial reaction was frustration and negative assumptions about the planner’s professionalism ([06:30]).
- The reality: She was dealing with a tragic personal loss.
- Reflection: “How many times have I not made space for what somebody else could be going through? ...And guess what? They don’t owe me an explanation." ([07:30])

5. Empathy and Self-Awareness

Giving & Receiving Grace:
- Ryan recognizes times he’s been the “unresponsive” party, often due to hectic or sensitive moments.
- Example: Responding briefly to a text while running between airport gates, coaching basketball, helping kids with homework, or dealing with unreliable airplane wifi ([08:30]).
- Desire for reciprocal empathy: “All I would want in that moment is a little bit of grace to say, hey, maybe there’s more going on on that phone, on that laptop than what everybody could see.” ([09:15])
The Challenge:
- Ryan urges listeners:
  - “Think about someone you’ve been suspicious of, someone, someone perhaps you’ve been assuming the worst about, and ask yourself, what if I’m wrong?” ([10:00])
  - “What if there’s a version of this story where we’re actually on the same team?” ([10:20])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“The story that I make up in my head is almost always more dramatic than the truth.” ([02:28])
“Assuming the worst about absolutely everyone is exhausting and it poisons relationships that might have been just fine if we’d had just given them the benefit of the doubt.” ([04:10])
“Curiosity builds bridges that suspicion often burns.” ([05:52])
“I think you might be surprised by what you find when you stop fighting people in your head who were never, ever fighting you in real life.” ([10:45])

Important Timestamps

00:10 – Ryan introduces the central question: "What if they aren’t against you?"
01:10 – The effect of delayed communication and imagined narratives.
02:28 – How our inner storytelling is more dramatic than reality.
04:10 – The cost of constant negative assumptions.
04:40 – Introducing the generosity hypothesis (“assume positive intent”).
05:28 – How treating people like adversaries shapes relationships.
06:30 – Ryan’s story about the “ghosted” client.
09:15 – The call for empathy and context in quick communications.
10:00–10:45 – The practical challenge: What if you’re wrong?

Episode Takeaways

Our minds often leap to negative conclusions, but reality is usually less dramatic.
Assuming positive intent (“generosity hypothesis”) cultivates better relationships.
Being curious rather than defensive opens the door to empathy and understanding.
Everyone’s fighting unseen battles; grace and patience go a long way.
Challenge yourself to question negative assumptions—what if you’re wrong?

Ryan’s conversational, humorous tone combines storytelling with applicable insight, leaving listeners with a practical challenge: choose generosity, assume positive intent, and watch your relationships transform.

Loading summary

Transcript1 lines

[00:01]
A
What's going on? My friends, welcome to the Ryan Leak podcast, where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Got a question for you today on this episode, and the question is this. What if they aren't against you? What if they aren't against you? I don't know if you ever assumed someone was against you and then you found out that you were completely wrong. Like, maybe your boss gave you tough feedback and you spent the whole weekend convinced they were trying to push you out. And then Monday comes around and they tell you they gave you that feedback because they see leadership potential in you and they're actually recommending you for a promotion. And so you spent the weekend thinking somebody was an enemy who was actually a friend. Or maybe, maybe, just maybe, a friend didn't text you back for a few days. Oh, my goodness. There is nothing more triggering than a close friend not texting you back. And let it three days. Let a week go by. The stories, oh my goodness. The stories we tell ourselves. When people don't text us back within 30 seconds, it's like, how dare you? You start building a whole narrative. You got Christopher Nolan up there, 70 millimeter Odyssey, like in your head about them. They're mad at me, they're pulling away. They didn't like what I said. They don't value this friendship. And then they call and say, hey, sorry, it's been a crazy week. My mom's been in the hospital. And you're like, ah, yeah, praying for you. You like, you just made them an enemy and now you're like, praying for them. Like, really, like, isn't it interesting how we can do this all the time with the text, with an email, with the tone, we can just kind of fill in the blank and we can just assign motives to people based on incomplete information. And nine times out of 10, the story we tell ourselves is way worse than what's actually happening. Now. I've done this so many times. I've sat in my office after a meeting and thought, they don't respect me. They're trying to undermine me. They think they're doing me a favor. And I've built an entire case against people, full courtroom drama in my head. Netflix up there. And in it. I mean, I can turn into a lawyer really, really fast. I mean, I got closing arguments, I got evidence, I'm lock loaded, ready to go. And I really like wearing three piece suits. Like, let's get it on. I can do that in my head before I've ever even asked them A single question about what they actually meant. And here's what I've learned. The story that I make up in my head is almost always more dramatic than the truth. My imagination is absolutely undefeated when it comes to creating worst case scenarios. So what if we flipped it? What if before we assumed the worst about someone, we considered the possibility that they're not against us? What if your co worker isn't trying to steal your idea? What if they're just excited about it? What if your spouse isn't criticizing you? What if they're trying to help and just said it wrong? What if your boss isn't micromanaging you? What if they're under pressure from their boss and they're doing the best that they can? What if the person who didn't invite you to the party isn't excluding you? What if they just assumed you were busy? I'm not saying everyone has good intentions. Some people don't. But I am saying that assuming the worst about absolutely everyone is exhausting and it poisons relationships that might have been just fine if we'd had just given them the benefit of the doubt. There's a phrase that I just love and it's assume positive intent. Rene Brown calls it the generosity hypothesis, which is asking, what's the most generous assumption I can make about what this person said or did? It doesn't mean to be naive. It means before you react, you pause. It means before you build the case, you ask the question. Before you write someone off, you give them a chance to explain. Because here's the truth. When you walk through life assuming people are against you, you start treating them like enemies. And when you treat people like enemies, you can't be surprised when the relationship starts to feel like a war. But when you operate with the generosity hypothesis, when you make a decision to choose to be the kind of person that assumes positive intent, something shifts. Your tone changes, your questions change, your posture changes. You walk into conversations curious instead of defensive. And curiosity builds bridges. That suspicion often burns. I recently had a client who ghosted us and it interestingly enough, this client had already booked me to speak and I had flights, hotel. The event was still happening, but the event planner just ghosted us. I don't even want to tell you the thoughts that I had in my head about the negligence and the excellence and what kind of kind of event. I mean, just the things that went on in my head was just like, what are you? Like what, what, what is. What is going on? And come to find out, she was in the hospital and unfortunately, she had lost a baby and all of this leading up to the event. And I. You know what's so interesting? That, that, I mean, it was a little moment on my side. It was a huge moment for her life. But that interaction, slash non interaction just made me go, how many times have I not made space for what somebody else could be going through? And guess what? They don't owe me an explanation. And I can't tell you the amount of times that I've been short. Or I just liked a text or one word responded somebody, and who knows what that made them think. And I very well could have texted them back while running in between terminals at an airport trying to catch another flight. Or maybe I was in the middle of running a basketball practice for my son's basketball team, or maybe I was doing homework with my kids and I just gave them a little quick response. Or maybe I forgot to respond altogether. Or maybe I had airplane wi fi, which I love the airlines, if you're listening, grateful for you, couldn't do life without you, to be honest. But even you would have to admit your wifi is spotty at best sometimes. I thought I sent the message and I did. And all I would want in that moment is a little bit of grace to say, hey, maybe there's more going on on that phone, on that laptop than what everybody could see. And so it makes me want to just be a little bit more empathetic to the world around me. So my challenge for you that this week is I just, I want you to think about someone you've been suspicious of, someone, someone perhaps you've been assuming the worst about, and ask yourself, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong about this person? And what if, what if, what if, what if they're not against me? What if there's a version of this story where we're actually on the same team? I think you might be surprised by what you find when you stop fighting people in your head who were never, ever fighting you in real life. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan Leak podcast. If today's episode inspired you, I would ask that you don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me if you would take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey and I'll catch you next time.