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Ryan Lee
Welcome to the Ryan League podcast, where we keep things short and sweet, where we offer nuggets of inspiration that can simply add value to your week, to the way that you live, the way that you lead, the way that you show up at work, the way that you show up at home. And today I want to talk to you about something that I think holds us back more than anything else, and it is this idea of caring so very much about what other people think about us. It's interesting. I perhaps should be making an entire episode about quit caring about what other people think about you. But I think that's somewhat impractical on a couple of levels. First, if it was that easy, you would have done it already, right? Just quit caring about what people think about you. And you would already be posting, you'd already be writing, you'd already be recording, you'd already be doing that thing. But I don't think it's that easy. And the reason I don't think it's that easy is because I think you and I are wired for human connection. I think that you and I are wired to care a little bit. And so I do not want you to shut off emotionally from the world around you. I don't even think that's healthy. But I do think that there are some practical things that we can talk about in regards to the mindset that we should have around what people do think about us. And it's kind of a funny thought if you think about it, because we have thoughts about what other people's thoughts are about us in an imaginary situation. This is what I'm afraid they will think if I do X, if I start a podcast, if I apply for this job, if I go back to school, if I write a book, but it's imaginary because you didn't do it yet. And so we're just thinking about what they could be thinking, and that alone keeps us from ever actually getting started. So I've got a couple of practical things that I want to take you through that I think is going to add value to your life. The first thing is this. Who is they? Yeah. Who is in the group of people that you fear what they think about you or what they would think about you if you got outside of your comfort zone? Who's that group of people? Is it your family members? Are we talking siblings? Is there a little sibling rivalry there that we need to address? Is it parents, grandparents? Is there a family legacy on the line that maybe has added a little bit of pressure? Is it your spouse? Is it your kids? I don't know, is it in laws that you're afraid of what they're gonna think about you if you decide to make a move? Is it your friends? Is it your old friends? Is it an ex? Is it people you went to college with? Is it people you were in elementary with, in middle school with? Are these high school buddies that we're afraid of what they are going to think about us? Is it colleagues? Is it a boss? Is it, is it people on social media? Is it strangers on the Internet? If you put yourself out there, you're going to open yourself up to public criticism and who knows, because people can get violent in the comments. Who knows what could happen to you if you dare hit post? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows who is the group of people? One of the practical things you could do right now is write down the group of people or the person that you go, man, I'm actually afraid of or I care deeply about what this person or these people think about me. And at some point you have to ask yourself, do you really want to give them that much power over your life? Do you really want to give them that much power over your voice? Do you really want to give them that much power over your creativity? Do you really want to give them that much power over your future? Who's the they? Who are these people? And I don't think that those people are bad, evil, and that you, you shouldn't care about what they think about you. No, that's not the message. The message is, do you want to give them that much power? It's one thing to say, hey, I value your perspective and I get that you might think something about me if I were to know, put myself out there, quote unquote. But it's another thing to give them that much power. And so now that we're, we're identifying who the people are, I would argue that for most people it's strangers on the Internet. It's not actually people they actually know. They're afraid of being exposed to randoms, to the peanut gallery that can open fire on anybody and cancel people for very, very little. Now, I want us to break down. What is it that we're afraid of them thinking, not saying thinking? Is it they're not even that good? Is it they think they're better than everyone else now? Is it they're trying too hard, They've changed. They're so full of themselves. They're being way too self promotional. They're not qualified for this. Who do they think they Are. I mean, I think this rears its head mostly on social media. Perhaps you want to post that video, but you're scared of looking, I don't know, cringy. You want to talk about your business, but you don't want people to think you're salesy. You want to encourage people, but you don't want, I guess, people from high school to think that you've changed. See, I don't think you're scared of posting. I think you're scared of judgment. And here's what I'd like to submit to you today. I want to submit a thought. I want to insert a thought into all of your thoughts. And I think this is a game changer. I think this is going to change your life. I think it's going to help you take a step towards who you actually want to be. And it's a question. It's a question that I think can absolutely shape this conversation. What if they Your proverbial they. What if they are not thinking about you at all? What if they're not thinking about you at all? And oh, and guess what? And the thought that they are has been holding you back for a decade. What if they aren't thinking about you at all? And the reason that I want to submit this thought to you is because I get to work with a lot of people in a position where I'm the middleman, as an executive coach, as a consultant, and kind of just the way my life works. I find myself in between two sides in trying to build bridges between people. And I am amazed, utterly shocked by how many people believe that the other side is thinking something about them that they're not thinking at all. But yet they have filled in the blank, an entire story of what this other person is thinking about them. And I'm like, hey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not that big of a deal in their world. And it's not that they think less of you, it's that they think more of themselves. Because here's what's interesting. The reason that I believe that people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you are afraid that they would be is because they're just too busy thinking about themselves. They're thinking about their own bills. They're thinking about, oh, is my job secure? They're thinking about their own health, man. I don't know, man. My need, man. Especially in their 40s. Listen, in your 40s, your body just start falling apart for no reason. I turned my ankle the other day and somebody said, what happened? I said, I woke up. That's what I did. I wasn't even playing, but I just woke up. I was like, why am I limping? I don't know what happened. Why? I'm just getting closer to 40. I'm not thinking about other people. I'm selfish. The reason I'm selfish is because I'm in pain. People are thinking about their own stuff. They're thinking about their own family. They're thinking about their own goals. They're thinking about, man, why did I eat that? And does this outfit look good? And did I? Oh, I don't feel like texting that person back. And oh, man, my inbox is out of control. And. And I forgot to pick up the kids. I mean, they got so much stuff going on. I would argue they ain't got time to think about you. They're not sitting around analyzing your video and your caption and your idea. They're busy scrolling through their own problems. I really don't believe the goal is to never care what people think. I think that sounds cute. It's just not realistic. I think the key is being the kind of person that just says, you know what? I wonder if they're thinking about me at all. And here's the deal. You should assume that they're not and just move on with your life anyways. You're not trying to give those people that much power and you don't want to give those thoughts too much power. All of these what if scenarios of what if they think this. Now, I could talk to some people who are, like, doing some things and they're facing criticism on a daily basis. I'm going to do a whole episode, but I want to talk to the person today that's just afraid to put themselves out there a little bit because of some what if scenarios that I think are actually a little bit more unlikely than we would ever truly know, my friend. What if they're not thinking about you at all? And if they're not, then you can move forward with your life. That's the beauty of that question to me, you know? Sure, I know. We have the what if scenario of, man. What if people think I'm being too self promotional? Here's the deal. Honestly, most people who think that about other people are the ones who've gotten really good at talking themselves out of being brave. They're not frustrated with you, they're frustrated with themselves and that they're not moving forward. You doing something bold shines a light on their decision to stay comfortable. So don't let that be your responsibility. No, you do something with your life, and if somebody else thinks you're being too self promotional, here's the deal. They'll probably never tell you anyways. And at that point, you'll be too busy to even know if they're thinking it at all. You know, the thought of, who do you think you are to start a podcast, to write a book, to chase that dream? Well, let me answer that. I think I'm someone who refuses to settle for mediocrity. Not because I think I'm better than anyone else, but because I believe life is too short to spend it playing small. I believe we've all been given gifts, ideas, and dreams. Not just to admire from a distance, but to actually pursue. I don't want to get to the end of my life wondering what could have happened if I would have just had the courage to. To try. I would rather take my shot and fail than live with the regret of never knowing what was possible. I think that I'm someone who wants to reach my potential before I die. Not because it's easy, but because it's worth it. And I've come to learn that the only permission slip I need is the one I give myself. If I wait for everybody else to co sign my dreams, I'll be waiting forever. So I've decided I'm not waiting for approval. I'm not waiting for the perfect time. I'm not waiting until I feel ready. No, no, no. I'm moving forward. Because greatness doesn't come to those who wait. It comes to those who try. So you, my friend, might as well live your life because you would hate to wake up 10 years from now realizing you gave strangers power over your dreams. So, yeah, you might as well speak up. You might as well record and post and write the book and start the podcast and launch the business and take the trip and make the call and tell your story and share your work and show your face. And yes, you should indeed try. Because what if they're not thinking about you at all? And let's just say they are. Give them a good show. Yeah, if they're gonna think about you, why don't you fill in the blank for them? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna give you a good show. I'm gonna give you something to hate on. I'm gonna give you something to criticize. Why? Because I made a decision to do something with my life. My friends, thanks for listening to the Ryan Lee Podcast. If today's episode inspired you, don't keep it to yourself. Share with a friend and hey, it would mean the world to me if you would take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. I also send out an encouraging text each and every week. If you want to text the word podcast to 469-809-1201, I would be happy to keep you encouraged and inspired each and every week. Your support of this podcast helps reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thank you so much for being a part of the journey and we'll see you next week.