Russillo on the Road: Portugal Travelogue | The Ryen Russillo Show

Summary

The Ryen Russillo Show – “Russillo on the Road: Portugal Travelogue” (April 8, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this special travelogue episode, Ryen Russillo takes listeners on an immersive, humorous, and detailed journey through Portugal. Over seven cities in eight days, Russillo offers his observations, cultural commentary, and trademark storytelling—balancing historic deep-dives with personal anecdotes about food, gyms, sleep struggles, sports, and unexpected moments. The result is equal parts travel documentation, comedic monologue, and reflection on restlessness, solo travel, and the joys of soaking up a new country, even when plans don’t always pan out (especially those waves at Nazaré).

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Key Themes & Segments

1. Why Portugal? Setting the Stage

[02:33]

• Russillo admits he knew little about Portugal (“I don’t really know anything about it… I realized I don’t know anything about Portugal, even though everyone that’s ever been here tells me how amazing it is.” [02:40])
• The main reason: To chase the legendary waves of Nazaré, fueled by admiration for big-wave surfers. (“I just feel like every couple months… I need something. And I’d rather be restless as I get older as opposed to the other way…” [04:28])

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2. Portugal’s Deep History — Fast, Funny, & Educational

[05:05] – [19:13]

• Overview of Lisbon’s age, ancient invaders (Romans, Visigoths, Muslims, Barbary pirates), coastal towns, slave raids, Reconquista, independence in 1143.
• The Treaty of Tordesillas ([11:13]–[13:34]), Portugal/Spain colonial jostling, Brazil’s accidental acquisition, and more:
  • Memorable Bit:
    • On the Treaty:
      “This treaty is hilarious because they basically come up with a line, a longitude line, and they’re like, everything west of this line is Spain’s and everything east is Portugal’s.” [12:07]
• Napoleonic invasion, Brazil’s independence (“sounded familiar, right?”), Portugal’s improbable global reach as a small state but nautical power.
• Henry the Navigator lauded for maritime pioneering (“excited to check out his place in Porto…” [16:45]).
• Portugal’s 20th-century political turmoil, neutrality (with spy intrigue) in WWII, and how Ian Fleming (yes, James Bond’s creator) was inspired in Lisbon.
  • Memorable Bit:
    “I did think it was super interesting that a member of the British intelligence agency … named Ian Fleming… witnessed [a spy] playing a high stakes game of poker in a casino in Portugal and was part of the inspiration for James Bond.” [19:13]

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3. Lisbon First Impressions: Food, Sleep, and Gym Culture

[20:42] – [33:30]

• Early misgivings during a rainy arrival, but the city grows on him (“literally one block over, just gorgeous. This is an unbelievable walking city… seem to take architectural risks…” [25:13])
• Epic food breakdowns; a classic Russillo sleep disruption story and a blunt late-night “shut the fuck up” exchange with loud hotel neighbors ([25:44])
• Observations about gym culture, territorial locals, and “chaos” with weight plates and inclines (“I thought I was autistic after today. How the fuck do you guys do this stuff?” [29:11])
• “Worst restaurants are the closest to the water”—proven true by a disastrous translucent steak

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4. Adventures in Solo Travel: Good and Bad Meals, Getting Lost, and the Joy of Wandering

[33:30] – [66:00]

• Navigating Lisbon: from upscale eateries to food courts, solo gym sessions, people-watching, and running into minor scams—Russillo contrasts touristy vs. “real” Lisbon.
  • Hilarious details about shorts in winter and feeling out of place, run-ins with aggressive street hustlers, and a brief, accidental detour through a dicey neighborhood (“the guy, 100, was following me… front and follow without the follow part—checking the reflection…” [65:44])
• Carnival (Carnevale) in small towns: surreal parade costumes, Madonna in a fireman’s hat, and utter-adorned women
• Distribution of Portugal’s population: musings on where all the people are (“Why are there so many houses and the doors are on the road and I don’t see any people?” [84:32])
• A misadventure at a disappointing “castle hotel,” including an abysmal vegetarian “steak” ("...tasted like a piece of Wonder Bread sitting in soy sauce for a week..." [81:00])

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5. The Nazaré Wave Quest: Hopes, Disappointments, and Reflections

[84:32] – [93:10]

• Nazaré, the central motivator of the trip, delivers… zero waves. “I pulled up in town, parked my car and there were no fucking waves. I’m talking like, not even white caps...” [87:31]
• Russillo consults with locals, learns about recent storms, and processes his disappointment.
  • Quote:
    “I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty bummed out… The only thing that was tested is my preparation, and I got an F.” [97:54]
• Turns instead to local history, explores a monastery linked to tragic love stories.

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6. Small Towns, Food (Especially Pork), and Gym Quests

[98:04] – [129:57]

• Visits to Figueira da Foz and Aveiro; details on bullfighting, coastal storm damage, and “Queen of the Beaches.”
• Gym missions—failing to find Ronaldo’s gym open (“it’s carnival”), closing in on “Gym & Tonic.”
• Food stories—Russillo lets Carlos the waiter at a Porto restaurant dictate his menu, eating three forms of pork (including intestines, by accident).
  • Memorable Line:
    “I was like, did you not like the pork intestine? … Actually, I like it even less now.” [129:23]

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7. Sports: Handball, Basketball, and the Benfica Experience

[39:06] – [56:55]

• Attends Benfica handball (“basically anyone that’s ever been good at any sport but never good enough…thinks they’d be awesome at handball.” [40:07]) and basketball games.
• Colorful comparisons to NBA, musings about which players would excel in handball (“Westbrook would be good. Shut up, soccer guy. If you don’t think Russell Westbrook would be awesome at soccer, I do not want to fucking hear it.” [45:00])
• Lively depictions of local fans (“Diogo Gamero… lit it up… Small, American History X look to him.” [53:40])

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8. Porto: Old World, New Experiences

[130:00]+

• Moves north to Porto, details hotel selection hacks, and marvels at its tilework (“if you’re in the backsplash business… look at some of these patterns…” [121:22])
• Wanderings through Porto and Gaia, bridge crossings, and port wine lore.
• Attends art museums (Domingos Sequeira’s story, including his controversial pro-French propaganda painting during occupation [140:33])
• Explores birth/home of Henry the Navigator, more history trivia (why coins have notched edges, etc.)
• Observations on nightlife post-Carnival (“bars absolutely dead… still got it, was offered coke again…” [149:19])
• Savoring moments, whether at local wine bars in a chapel or breakfasts featuring “equator beds.”

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9. Final Reflections: Sunsets, Surprises, & the People of Portugal

[157:15] – End

• Ending in Lisbon, Russillo soaks up a magical sunset on the Sea of Straw (“This sunset in Lisbon is an all timer…” [169:58])
• Overwhelmed by Alfama’s charm, stumbles into a tiny hand-made pasta place—culmination of solo travel magic.
  • Quote:
    “It was one of those moments where you’re like, some of these meals are going to suck. Some of the hotels aren’t going to work out. Sometimes you’ll get lost… These things will happen to you. Or there’ll be no waves and you’ll go, why didn’t I just go to Argentina?” [177:34]
• The warmth and pride of the Portuguese:
  • “I never felt alone despite being by myself because I had the people of Portugal with me.” [182:26]
  • Warm interactions: from sports-obsessed Uber drivers to waiters, the “eagle guy” at his hotel, and a tennis club waitress who tips him off about towns.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the hunt for real experience:

  • “Imagine, like, visiting New York City for the first time and walking through Times Square and then going, this place sucks. Maybe just hate New York City, right? But there’s other portions…” [25:17]

• Waves and Wanderlust:

  • “There’s just something to be said about guys that are just like, yeah, it. Like, I could die doing this and I’m gonna go do it. … Your heroes are your heroes. I’m not judging you.” [86:56]

• Gym Culture in Portugal:

  • “Every guy is so territorial about any station or any bench in the gym… These people are invaders and they don’t leave.” [31:28]

• On Portuguese hospitality:

  • “There’s just something about these people where there’s this pride, but it’s not annoying, it’s specific. They fucking love this place.” [179:48]

• Sunset, Lisbon:

  • “The way this sunset hits is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. … The sun is taking away at the center. … It’s almost like the sun is supposed to be there, if you take the most perfect picture or you were to paint it.” [171:35]

• Travel wisdom:

  • “It’s those moments where you’re like, some of these meals are going to suck. … These things will happen to you… And sometimes you’ll get stuck in traffic, sometimes you’re going to get lost… But sometimes, you get that perfect meal, and you’re like, yeah, this is why you put the time in.” [177:31]

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Useful Timestamps for Listeners

• 02:33 — Why Portugal? “I don’t really know anything about it.”
• 05:05 – History of Lisbon, Portugal’s centuries of conquests
• 12:07 – Treaty of Tordesillas
• 16:45 – Henry the Navigator
• 19:13 – Ian Fleming, James Bond, WWII espionage in Lisbon
• 25:44 – Sleep-disrupted hotel tale: “Hey, shut the fuck up.”
• 29:11 – Portugal gym culture chaos
• 33:30 – Rule: “Worst restaurants are always closest to the water”
• 39:06 – Benfica handball & basketball games (“handball guys now”)
• 53:40 – Diogo Gamero: local hoops star, “American History X look”
• 65:44 – Sketchy neighborhood walk, “the guy, 100, was following me”
• 97:54 – On Nazaré disappointment: “Only thing tested was my preparation—and I got an F.”
• 121:22 – Porto tilework: “If you’re in the backsplash business…”
• 129:23 – Porto pork odyssey: “Did you not like the pork intestine? … I like it even less now.”
• 169:58 – Best sunset of the trip: “This sunset in Lisbon is an all timer.”
• 179:48 – Reflections on the people of Portugal: “There’s this pride, but it’s not annoying…”

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Tone & Style

• Russillo’s signature blend of wry, self-deprecating humor and detailed curiosity pervades the entire episode.
• Balances personal narrative with observations on culture, food, sports, and history.
• Vivid, conversational, and accessible to listeners who know his work—and inviting for those new to the show.

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Episode Summary in a Nutshell

Russillo arrives in Portugal knowing little, driven by a need to witness Nazaré’s big waves firsthand. Instead, he gets unpredictable weather, a crash course in centuries of convoluted Iberian history, and a tapestry of experiences—culinary triumphs (and disasters), gym misadventures, moments of solitude, unforced interactions with friendly locals, sports oddities, and, in the end, a profound sense of connection with place and people. Portugal, he finds, delivers not just what he sought but a whole spectrum of the unexpected—the hallmark of great travel.

Transcript

[Ryan Rosillo]

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Part 1 Portugal. Why Portugal? I don't really know anything about it.

That's the first part when I think about Western Europe, my knowledge, you know? Look, I read some books, but I don't think I could teach a course on anything. It's just pretty clear. I have a take on France, historically, Germany, Italy, Spain, Great Britain, the British Isles. But for the most part, I realized I don't know anything about Portugal, even though everyone that's ever been here tells me how amazing it is.

So I just arrived in Lisbon, so

we'll run over some history.

The other big reason I'm here is Nazare.

The waves. I don't know what it is. Even when I was a little kid, even before I moved to Manhattan beach, if I were out at, like, some bar that would play videos of surfing going on, and I was with buddies, I would just be hypnotized by watching these badass guys ride these big waves. And there's just something about it that I admire from them. And I want to see. I want to see these waves.

I've checked the seasons as far as,

like, what the projections are and that kind of stuff. And so if it's 15 to 20ft,

that's not exactly 80ft, but it'll at least, you know, maybe you get the right day or the right tide or whatever. So I'm taking a shot, and we'll

see how it goes.

I also. I know this sounds really stupid and dumb and dangerous, but I'm wondering if there's some local I can throw like,

a thousand euros and get on the back of a jet Ski and say, can we kind of, like, be off to the side and see this up close? I am willing to do that again. I know it doesn't sound like the smartest idea, but I just feel like I need something. I don't know. I feel like every couple months, if

we do the Paul Thoreau check in, I'm good.

There's a lot of great things going

on, but I need.

I don't know, I just kind of,

like, need something, and I'd rather be restless as I get older as opposed

to the other way, which would be just I don't want to do anything.

So that part I actually kind of

appreciate a little bit. Even if this doesn't seem like, you know, who knows? Like, day of, it could be really nasty. And I'm like, this is a really stupid idea.

Or everyone could say, absolutely not. But I guess I always feel like, imagine if there was some big wave

place in America and you'd be like, oh, can I just get a jet Ski out there? They just isn't happy. Ended up getting arrested. I almost feel like the rules don't

apply in all these other places. And again, I'd want to be off to the side. Right.

I don't want to be in it. In it. I'm not that stupid.

All right, so history. Lisbon is the second oldest city in Europe behind Athens. Pretty standard run of being conquered. Like any of these areas.

First recorded history, the movement of man from the Middle East.

Reading that world history book that basically

just goes back like 3,000 years and

doesn't argue that civilization started in the

Middle east, but argues that this is what we have to go on by

the first recorded data. So whenever you look at this stuff, depending on where you want to start,

I mean, a lot of times it

starts with the Roman Empire. So they take control by the 2nd century BC Christianity. Then post the fall of the Roman Empire, Germanic tribes, the Visigoths, badasses, they take over. And then the year 711, the Muslims

from North Africa are like, you know what?

Maybe it's our turn. And they run through the country in

a matter of just a few years and take over. And I think one of the things

that's interesting about Portugal is, again, you can argue the influence of so many different civilizations from all the different people

that were either ruling them, taking them

over, the hostility, because it's almost all hostile.

I mean, there's very few times in these, really, you'd probably argue any country,

even Iceland, right, where you're just. You're going through all the different ruling factions and who was in power, and

then who takes over.

And what you realize with Portugal is, I think, specific to this country is that there's Catholicism, there's Muslim influence that

still exists today, whether it's the architecture, whether it's advancements. So even though you're like, I don't really want to be ruled by all these other people. Although whenever you start talking about people walking and taking over territory, there's definitely

some stuff kind of baked into the Portugal story that speaks to how diverse Portugal is of the Portuguese people. So I think that's something that's important to remember here because of all the different elements during this time. The Barbary Corsairs, which were essentially pirates, made up of a bunch of different people, depending on what you read. North African, the Turkish, some English that maybe were just rogue, going and doing

their own thing and going down to Africa and joining up with everybody else

and just raiding Portugal all the time. So not only were they there by land for hundreds of years, Portugal is

just raided by slave traders, which also

speaks to some of these coastal towns

that I want to check out.

But if you look at their history of, like, when they were first established,

a lot of them have the same

story that people didn't want to come

down from the hills, because if they set up on the coast, they were just a much easier target to be

raided by these corsairs and then brought back to Africa and become enslaved. So there's a lot of that. So by 1143, it's called the Reconquista, and a bunch of Christians roll through,

and they're like, enough of this shit. We're taking over.

So they run the Muslims out for the most part. And again, all this stuff is pretty cyclical. But the other thing that Portugal has going for it at this point is that once it's reestablished or reconquered, it gains its status as an independent kingdom in 1143. Because I'd say other than the 1580-1640 range, when you look at the timeline

of their history, where it was the

first king of Portugal, King Henry, again, that doesn't really make a ton of

sense that he'd be the first king

of Portugal because he was celibate, because he was a cardinal, and there was no succession plan whatsoever because he had

no heir, because he was a cardinal. Right.

He had other priorities. So from 1580 to 1640, Portugal's basically aligned with Spain.

And then 1640, and it goes on for years.

It never felt like the significant part of history, though clearly it is. But it felt like Spain just kind of let them be Portugal again after a few battles and just kind of

went back to it.

So, again, the reason I bring that

up is that if you look at

the Iberian peninsula, which is essentially Portugal and Spain now, depending on which year,

you look at a map of the Iberian Peninsula, when you go back years

or centuries and centuries, there's different areas that are kind of pronounced as their

own, where there's the Pyrenees in the

mountains to the north, or Gibraltar through to the south, the very southern tip, which would make sense, the straits. There were these different kind of factions of what is Spain, and Spain ends up taking all of the territory, which speaks to their nature of just deciding

everything is theirs, much like other countries.

But for whatever reason, there was just a lot of peace with Portugal, and

Portugal clearly wasn't going to expand.

But it's just always kind of shocking

to me historically, when you look at

the entire Atlantic coast of the Iberian Peninsula, which is essentially all of Portugal,

except for the very northern part.

It's just never like you would have thought. The way history works is eventually Spain

would have said, enough of this shit. We want the Atlantic Ocean on top of everything else.

This is really important because Christopher Columbus, 1492, he comes back 1494, but he lands in Portugal, and he checks in with King John I, and he's like, look, there's all this new land.

I just got back. Check it out.

And King John's like, that's awesome.

It's ours.

Let me fire off an email to

King Ferdinand of Spain.

So John writes a letter to King Ferdinand. It's like, hey, Chris is back in the mix, and he told us about all these lands.

Just want to give you a heads up, like, it's all ours. And Spain is like, no, that's not going to work for us.

The Pope gets involved many times. I'm not going to go over all of them. And essentially, pretty quickly, they come together on this Treaty of Torsillas. And this treaty is hilarious because they basically come up with a line, a longitude line, and they're like, everything west of this line is Spain's and everything east is Portugal's.

So Portugal's thinking, all right, cool, we

got the islands off the coast of Africa, we have Africa, we have India,

and then we have whatever ends up

being to the right of that, if

you're looking at the globe.

And then that means that Spain gets all the new stuff, which they didn't even realize what it was, whether it was North America, Central America, South America.

They're just like, all right, we're going

to get a bunch of these islands to the west of this line, the West Indies, et cetera. And originally reading some of the stuff's like, I don't know if people would

have been on TV shows, be like,

this is a terrible deal for Portugal. And the funny thing is, it got even worse because of Spain's, I'd say their arrogance. But they fall in line with basically everybody else. But, like, Spain feels like they have

moments where they take it to another

level, where Portugal's under the assumption that further east, the Far east, will be theirs, because they end up being the first trade ships that landed Japan again,

years later in 1543.

But their understanding was like, all right, yeah, you're left and we're on the right. And Spain's like, no, no, our line just keeps going all the way around. Portugal's like, that kind of sucks, because some of the very first expeditions for Portugal were around South Africa, into India,

and then obviously, it keeps expanding. As I mentioned, the point about Japan, this treaty.

However, the French and the English were not super interested. And there's multiple times of the Pope

being like, why is no one listening to our treaty here?

So already mentioned the Spanish kind of cooperation phase there, 1580 to 1640. Move the timeline a little quicker here. The Napoleonic Wars. So Napoleon. This is kind of fascinating, and I should get back to the treaty, because in that treaty, the line cuts into Brazil. So basically, Brazil is under the Portuguese side of this. And there's all these different theories of Portugal knew that there was this territory that Columbus or somebody else had told

them, like, hey, if you work it

out along this line, there's this whole world in the south southern hemisphere that we'll be able to have on our side of it. Other people think that it was a

complete mistake and they didn't even know,

but they sent ships out to Brazil and started a colony there. A lot of this stuff will sound

familiar to those of you that studied American history.

So Napoleon shows up, and he's like, all right, I'm in charge now. And a bunch of these royals leave Portugal. I don't know what the total number is, but some important people, and they go to Brazil. And for a time, the capital of Portugal is Rio, which it's argued.

I don't know that there's any other time in history that a sitting country

had its capital during. In one of its colonies.

I can't think of any. I certainly could be wrong. I don't know everything.

So then the Brazilians are like, hey, you know what?

And again, this may sound familiar to those of you who've studied American history.

The Brazilians are like, hey, could you guys kindly fuck off and get out of here? Because we're our own thing now. And we know you're screwed back home, but, like, that's your problem, not ours. We don't need your soldiers here. We don't need you ruling over us. And this is, like, really quick because 1822, Brazil declares its independence from Portugal.

It goes on for, like, two years. I don't know how intense the fighting was. I think they were.

They really didn't sound like, from everything

I've read, that Portugal was, like, heavily

invested in fortifying its troops.

Boots on the ground.

And they just pulled out in 1824. They were like, all right, we're done. And Portugal, the. Anyone that was of note went back

to Portugal right Anyone of note that

was Portuguese went back to Portugal.

And then anybody that was left behind was basically killed.

So during this time of exploration, which is again, a huge advantage for Portugal because of the way they're situated on the ocean. And it was really a main priority was we're not going to expand our natural border, so we're going to colonize

just like everybody else is. Except when you look at the size of the country, you're like, how are you able to pull this off?

Well, they had all these trade routes.

They made a ton of money in

trade because of just how, how advanced they were as, as nautical people. Whether it's Henry the Navigator, who I'm

excited to go check out his place

in Porto a little later this week,

him, I don't know if he's probably

getting credit for it now.

Like some of this stuff, you never know. Like, I wonder who gets a ton of credit that if guys were around

today being like, I can't believe you

guys in 2025 think that guy was the man.

He sucked. However, Henry the Navigator, who had a pretty successful family and prioritized all sorts of exploration and colonizing, but he apparently kind of is credited with the wind navigation of the equator, of knowing how to time the winds and how to work the winds.

And then when you're going back to

Europe, you would actually get west and north.

And then those wins would always be

a following win, the return to sea

win for those of you that care about that kind of stuff.

So they've got colonies in Africa, if we keep it moving here. World War I, Portugal was. They tried to be neutral from 14 to 16, and then they were just getting into so many battles with the Germans out at sea that finally they joined the Allies. During this time, they were under a monarchy. And then the monarchy was thrown out in 1920. And then dictator, I forget his name.

He took over Dictator.

Let's just call him that. He takes over. There's also this note that argues that Portugal tried like 40 different versions of government in a 20 year span. Obviously that would have to be before the monarchy's thrown out and a dictator tricks over.

Because I don't think a dictator would have been open to the idea of

like, hey, let's try this out for two months. I don't even know how that's possible, how that number can possibly be real. Maybe it's real over a longer period

of time, or maybe it's different political

parties that were somehow recognized over that time. But this dictator takes over and runs media as State police, very German type shit, where, look, not completely German, but you get the point of just a police state. And then during this time they still have these African colonies. 1974, it's the carnation Revolution, where there's these battles between the colonies in Africa

and it's ugly and it's terrible, and

then there's actually like a peaceful takeover

and dictatorship is out. And there you go.

So a lot of different stuff. I did think it was super interesting that a member of the British intelligence agency, someone who you may have heard of named Ian Fleming, he was assigned to follow different spies because In World War II, Portugal tried to remain neutral. And they did kind of.

So in a way where they weren't

exactly like sending troops, but what they were doing is they were basically a hub for all of these spies, all of these supplies, refugees being run out. Hitler at some point was like, hey, help us out and join our side. And I think Portugal was either smart enough to realize that they'd had this long standing alliance with England, which I

think would make a ton of sense. And again, if you've read anything about Hitler, he wasn't exactly the guy that

backed up the deals that he made with you. So I thought the Ian Fleming thing was really fascinating because he was in

the British intelligence and he was working

and he would have to shadow some of these spies. And there was this one spy named Dusan Popov, who he witnessed playing a high stakes game of poker in a casino in Portugal and was part of the inspiration for James Bond. So drove into Lisbon this morning. It's, you know, I'm on no sleep. It was raining, it was dirty.

I'm not going to make a ton

of assessments on one road in to Lisbon during the rain. Made it to the hotel. The hotel is fantastic. And then solo dining.

After the gym, I did go to the gym.

I walked home in the rain. People were staring at me because I

wasn't wearing any jacket or anything. I was wearing shorts.

But I did grab dinner right next to the hotel. The restaurant looked fantastic.

And I went to the hotel. I was like, is that place really good? And they were like, yeah, it's awesome. And so I was like, am I going to be able to get in by myself? And they were like, probably not. So I went up to the hostess, she had braces, so maybe just a

little self doubt in her eye.

And I was just like, hey, is there any way I can eat?

And she goes, I can see you right now, but you have to be done in two hours.

And I was like, fuck, I'll be done in like 45 minutes.

And the cool thing about the restaurant,

you could tell it's just a place that, like, locals will go to in Lisbon. And it might be like a once a year type thing.

There's pictures of all these celebrities with the owner. I recognized zero of the celebrities.

The owner came over and shook my hand.

I almost thought maybe he felt bad for me. A little tartar, a little Iberian ham, a salad that was actually not bad. The bread's incredible. Sheep's butter, which is this cheese butter thing. What else did I eat? I didn't stop.

I just kept going. I had steak, I had potatoes, and

had a glass of white wine.

And we are going to shut it down and try to get caught up on some sleep.

Portugal part two. Okay, you're just gonna have to bear with me to the travelog vets. Yes, I'm gonna do some sleep. Bad food, shitty gym experience. I promise I will do a lot more different stuff later on in this part, but I think it's just essential to the storytelling and, you know, solopod. What do you want me to do? All right, so the sleep thing, not great at all. Went to bed at 11, was so fired up. I'm like, you didn't fall asleep too early. You fell asle normal time. Why don't you set the alarm for 9am tomorrow? If you get like 10 hours sleep, that's unheard of. You're not going to, but who knows? Maybe you're just that tired and you're worn out. So wake up. And I'm like, this is great. I think I slept like nine plus hours. I feel terrific.

Totally refreshed.

Look at my phone. It's 2:00am like, oh, you slept three hours, barely. And then I hear some noise across the hall. And I think maybe I was woken up by it. I'm not sure. But then when I heard it, I was absolutely awake. So I didn't hear like a noise.

And then wake up. I just sort of woke up.

Which again, the weird sleep pattern thing, that stuff's going to happen to you. And I hear this guttural male chant. Me go right, Migo rye.

And it won't stop. And I'm like, man, I have fans everywhere.

It was not in reference to me.

It was not a fan. Doesn't know me like everybody else I would expect.

And I had seen this couple a little bit earlier. The male, Eastern bloc, maybe female, same thing. A little thick, but in a competitive way. So not a criticism. And I can Hear the international language of a girlfriend or a wife who's like, will you please go to bed? And I'm not one to try to rain on anybody's parade. You're visiting Portugal, too. You went deep into the night, took it to 2am Got back to the hotel, feeling a little rowdy, Piper. And you're going to make some noise like, I've done it. Who am I? I don't want to police America. I don't want to police Portugal. But I wouldn't stop. So I was like, you know what? And I don't know if it's because I saw him before that I was feeling it, because I wasn't really looking for it. And I'll explain it in this way. That's that thicker guy. And you'd have to be there. And I imagine every other baseball city and a lot of football parking lots

have the same thing where it's like,

is that guy really about it, or is he just sort of overweight?

That's kind of what I thought.

And I'm thinking of a very particular person right now. Early 2000s, Fenway Park, Cask and flagon, you know, not from Hyde park, probably from Duxbury. Who am I to get any kind of cred? Not that I deserved any. Being from Arthur's Vineyard. It was an automatic origin losing story. But you know who I'm talking about, because you have them in Wrigleyville. You know, you have them.

I don't know.

I see some different version of it when I go to Dodgers games, but it's like, are you scary? Or you just have kind of like a. An Allen Embry goatee from the early 2000s. You're wearing a compression shirt that pitchers wear underneath their jerseys, except you don't have a jersey on, so there's no secrets with your shirt whatsoever. Again, the amount of respect I have for anybody that was pulling that off, even though it looked horrible. And it's like, you know, this guy's probably a couple years away from guys being like, can you. Can you take it easy on a Tuesday night, dude? If we're just going to like a 7 o' clock game? And that guy just didn't even understand any of that stuff. But I always felt like he got a little bit more credit for him being able to handle himself. And it's like, I just think you might be a little overweight. I don't really know that there's much else going on there that needs to scare me. So, yeah, that was sort of the advanced scouting report that I had. And so that's why I opened the door, and that's why I yelled, hey,

shut the fuck up.

And I gave it a good one. I was like, hey, shut the fuck up. And then I followed it up with, if you don't shut the fuck up. And then went back to bed. Except I didn't. I sat awake for five hours, but I didn't hear a noise, so it worked. So that was pretty in depth. So I wake up, I don't know, 7:30. Woke up. I set an alarm at, like, 10:30. And then I was like, maybe just make it 11. And the alarm went off at 11. So I snuck in the extra 30 minutes. Still pretty tired. But I was like, hey, you're in Lisbon. Get out. Start getting out there. Which is fine. So I plugged in the name of the gym that I went to yesterday, and I was like, I got to get a little workout in. Got to get some stretching in. Got to get the body moving to, you know, it's just part of the daily prep. And I went to the wrong gym. Not on purpose. There's a chain. I didn't know, but thank God I did, because it's a really interesting story, and this speaks to so many different cities. Imagine, like, visiting New York City for the first time and walking through Times Square and then going, this place sucks. Maybe just hate New York City, right? But there's other portions of New York City. You walk through incredible neighborhoods, you know, higher end real estate near Central park and all that kind of stuff, and you're like, this is unbelievable how nice this is. And that's kind of what Lisbon was like the first 24 hours. For me, the ride in, we already referenced being like, what's going on with this place? Literally one block over, Just gorgeous. This is an unbelievable walking city. There's all these different areas made it down to the waterfront, which is where this other gym was. There's this incredible, like, you know, promenade. The architecture is kind of cool because it seems like they. They really want to try some different stuff with the way the buildings are designed. Not to say that there aren't cities to do some of the same things, but it just seems like in a smaller city like Lisbon, to take some of these architectural chances is kind of cool. The graffiti part of it is just embraced where there's these buildings that are just completely painted. And then there's some other stuff, these collages that are far more detailed. I say murals. I guess there's a bit of a. A thing that you could do where you can go on a tour with a guide, which I'm not going to do, to look at some of the different stuff throughout the city with different artists that are really, really popular. And it's all just really great to check it out. The other thing I would say about the food, and this is a European thing in general, but I made it into this food court that was like the nicest food in a food court type setup that I've ever seen. And the place was packed. And so even though I'm here in the off season, I imagine peak July, August, world travelers. It's got to be pretty congested. It still was a little busy. Not like so busy like, hey, get me out of here. Even though I got to get out of here. It wasn't as, you know, like nice in the summer. I just was like, get me the fuck out of here. And then I got stuck having to go back in the Lost travelogue. Just that one's in the Mystery Vault, Barcelona, which I've referenced. Just, it's just. That's not appealing to me after, you know, even 24, 48 hours max here again, it's off season, but it's entirely manageable. Even though there's a lot of people, high 50s, low 60s, a lot of coats. So I don't know what that says about the culture. Maybe it's a tourist, so we shouldn't just blanket statement. Portuguese as being a little soft with a little wind coming off the bay here. Also the Atlantic Ocean, but there's some inlet stuff that I'll get to geographically on some of the later water adventures that we go on. But yeah, the market, this food court type thing. You just saw these families together. The dad's getting some sort of rice and fish dish that looks terrific. The mom maybe has a slice of strawberry shortcake. The kids are eating a pizza. There's some different barbecue sandwiches. I even noticed. And I think the best way to describe it is that everything, even a mass produced food, you know, deal like this emporium, if you will, the floor is really high, almost like Jacoby Brissette, where it's like, okay, we know this isn't necessarily the best case scenario as a starter, that goes without saying. But we know if he has to start a bunch of weeks, not just one, a bunch of weeks, like we still have a bit of a chance not saying Jacoby Brissette, like some of the food looked better than Jacoby Brissette. But I think you get the general point of there's a much higher floor than the worst shit that we have in America, where that in a congested major city, there's no chance any of that food is any good. So make it over to the gym. A thought on autism. I don't know what the autism rates are in birth here in Portugal, but it's got to be incredibly low just based on the way they use plates at a gym. It's fucking. I thought I was autistic after today. I'm like, how the fuck do you guys do this stuff? And of course, because of the kilograms, the different plates, there's that whole extra 20 kilogram plate that I don't really understand why it exists. Because there's a two and a half, there's a five, there's a 10, there's a 15, there's a 20 and there's a 25. Guys would put a 15 on one side and then they'd put a five on the inside of a 10 and just put the collars on and let her rip. There was also an incline bench where you couldn't spot behind it. So I'm like, maybe these guys are total badasses because they're like, if you can't do it, don't. Don't spot thin bars, which I always hate if I'm going to bench, because I just don't like how it feels in my hands, especially in the incline, because I feel like it's going to roll out all the time. I even put a 20 and a 25 on and then they look identical. And I went to take it on, like, what the hell's going on? And then I look, I'm like, oh. And it also took me forever. I can't believe Portugal doesn't have larger boundaries just based on the way each guy is so territorial about any station or any bench in the gym. These people are invaders and they don't leave. And then when you look at the map and you're like, man, they kind of got this awesome slice out here, which, again, you're kind of surprised Spain didn't end up with it, now that I think about it. Feel like, why are we just giving the entire fucking Atlantic side to these people? So, yeah, I mean, just chaos. And I know that I've mentioned all the international gyms and all that kind of stuff, and just being like, hey, there's things that they're way better than us at, and we're terrific at other things, like salad dressing, which I've done many rants on, but unbelievable. And then, of course, I tried to get to the cable section and there was a guy kind of jacked, tatted up. Can't tell if he was older or younger. And I was waiting like 15 minutes, but I was monitoring for 15 minutes, right? I didn't just sit there and then maybe the last five, four or five minutes of the 15, I kind of like sat down, was like, I really

want to close this out with like

a little cable thing. And he was super setting in between two things. And he was short as fuck.

And so I was like, I know how this is gonna go.

And so after he, like went back to use the other machine, but then like sprinted back to make sure I didn't use his, I was like, hey,

you know how, how's it going over here?

And he's like, five more sets, five more sets. I went, five more sets, huh? Like, I kind of gave him. I don't know if he would have picked up on it, but it was, it was a disappointed retort. Like, oh, five more sets, huh? Awesome. Then went to the dip bar, which was not installed correctly, although you could say because it was so unstable, it actually led to much, much more muscle flexion. Just trying to keep myself stable. So super dangerous. But maybe I'm winning, maybe hitting some of those muscle fibers that I needed today to engage myself. So on the way out of the gym, which I would say was a C minus, D plus experience, I made it over to this other part of the promenade. Was looking at some of the boats, obviously really choppy out there today. Not major swells, but just wind blown. So, you know, luckily I didn't see a lot of smaller craft out there. But I broke my rule, you know the rule, right? The worst restaurants are the closest to the water, wherever you go. And I know there's an awesome restaurant in every city that's right on the water and all that kind of shit.

Like, I get it, right?

Like, I've been to Mastros in Malibu too.

It's terrific.

But for the most part, like tourist areas, busy areas, a lot of congestion. If you eat at a place that's just on a perfect corner of where everyone's walking, their food quality is just not going to be that good because

it's about location for them.

But I saw this place looked a little old school. I'm like, how about a little salad and a little afternoon steak, no sauce. The guys, all uniform in uniforms, old school guys, people having day beers, wines. The kids seemed happy. I go, you know what? I can give this a shot. And boy, was That a mistake. Ordered a steak with some potatoes on the side, little side salad. It came out. It was not like the steak or the dining experience that I'd had the night before. It was lucid. Do you remember when Nike used to let you pick? Maybe they still do. Not as much in the sneaker game anymore, but you could get that kind of clear sole if you were designing your own sneakers. And a bunch of basketball sneakers came out this way. I think Off White had a few. It was just kind of this cool kind of clear, lucid, translucent rubber. That's what the steak looked like. It was gray. It was watery. Looked like it was microwaved. I cut into it.

I was like, this is going to be so fucking bad, dude.

Cut into it. And it wasn't that it was undercooked. It was that it was, like, raw. And I don't know, they might have microwaved it or something. It was such a strange color for a piece of steak. And I took a bite. I went, fuck this. Not eating it. Wasn't going to complain. Guy comes over, can sees, hey. I go, hey, I'm just not going to eat this, man. I was like, just give me the check. And then, of course, they had to have, like, a meeting about it with all the guys fucking losing their minds like this. Some asshole took one bite of a steak, and I was like, no, no, I'm going to pay for it. I'm not, you know, I was like, oh, let's. Let's do it. Well done. I go, I don't even want to eat it. I don't give a fuck how you cook it. I'm not eating it. Even left a tip. So there you go. Wasn't going to make a huge deal, but, you know, it just kind of blows their minds when somebody sits down. So on the walk back to the hotel to get ready for the second half of the day, grabbed a couple Asian ladies running a pizza stand. So what could go wrong with that in Portugal? And it was actually terrific. So you never know. You never know. Really good. Walked back to this other centralized area. Was having a hard time juggling the pizza and the water jug and then checking my phone to make sure I was going to make the rest of the day's activities. And that's just an invitation for pitches from homeless dudes. Hey, you're American. I love that hat. Oh, really? Here's my money. Thanks for the comment on my hat. And none of us are carrying cash, really, anymore, anyway, so that industry's fucked. So made it back to the Hotel after getting fucked with a little bit, but it wasn't overwhelming. Do not think it's like any major city. There's going to be a couple people going to come up to you, but not even close. You know, it's a bit like the garbage thing in New York City. I don't know if it's really. I see a lot of tweets about it. I was just there. I didn't see anything in the area that I was. That was making it alarming. So sometimes you can see footage from different places and you're like, oh, I heard. I heard this is going on there. And then you walk around for five minutes and you're like, yeah, that's a little overstated. So back to the hotel. Quick, quick change, quick shower, because we're going to Benfica to watch some hoops. So I don't know if you remember the amazing tweet from years ago where it said, Gladiator 2, Paddington 3. And then the comedian was like, massive road win for Paddington. And of course, a bunch of Americans jumped in and they go, hey, dickhead. It's like, well, no, actually, we're the dickheads if you don't get his joke. Because over here, the home team is up top, the road team is on the bottom again, Paddington 3 on the bottom in road win. So when I was looking at the schedule for the Portuguese Basketball League, it was home team on the box. So I almost made the mistake of going to an arena close by to Lisbon for a team that was on the road because they're playing all their games on Saturday. And luckily I figured that part out. So it was Benfica, who's the best team in the league, playing at home, about 20 minutes away. And I went to the concierge, double checked. He's like, yeah, he's like, it's like 20 minutes. Call taxi shoot over there. And then as soon as I show up to the facility, which is right next to the soccer stadium, which is massive and incredible, it's kind of cool driving in. It's kind of just as Lisbon starts to thin out a bit like an industrial suburban area, if that makes any sense. I think you'd understand, like, apartment buildings still, some highways and that kind of stuff. But you could see, like, just probably 10 more minutes out, feeling more like neighborhoods. But, you know, this is one of the cool things about Europe is just these smaller parts of these. You can have this major city and yet you can have these smaller clubs, like, scattered all the. All around. I mean, just think about how many different EPL teams, how close they are to each other and how ridiculous that actually could be. Because other than New York City, like, just imagine having. I don't know. Imagine. Imagine having. I mean, I guess you could say White Sox and Cubs, but, like, okay, add eight more and it all works. So Benfica, there's no history there. I was even texting with a couple NBA guys, just bullshitting about some stuff, and then I was like, yeah, I'm in Portugal to go. I'm going to go watch some hoops. They're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Didn't you take the week off to get away from hoops? I'm like, well, yeah, but I've never. I've always wanted to go to, like, one of these games. When the hoops is done, you go find the hoops, right? So I get to the entire sports complex, and I'm walking around and I'm like, hey, where's the basketball? And you would have thought you were asking me, as an undergrad where the career placement building was on campus.

Like, what the fuck, nerd?

I'm walking up to everybody going, hey, basketball starts at three. And I know the military time, they're on military time. But on my website that I was on, on my phone, it was like, some of the phone stuff that's happening now, too. The way the times are coming out, that's a different topic. But nobody knew what I was talking about. I'm like, I get that you guys love football, but nobody knows there's a basketball game. It's scheduled. The concierge told me it has to be one of these buildings. So I asked four people. Nobody knew anything. I felt a little bad. I saw a black guy. I was like, maybe this guy, he didn't know. So, yeah, that's on me. I'm sorry. Especially February admitting that. But I was like, maybe he'll know

what's going on with the hoops.

So then I went over to this other guy who was like, no, no. They sell the tickets inside of this office. And it wasn't an office. It was basically the souvenir shop for Benfica gear. And it was all like, soccer stuff. And then I asked somebody in there, and they're like, no, you get the tickets here. And it's like, so wait, I have to order the tickets here in the checkout of the souvenir place? Like, yep, bad system. Benfica, bad system. That takes forever. I finally get to the counter, I go, basketball. She's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, this can't be real. And then she has somebody come over, help her. And she's like, oh, yeah, basketball. But it's at five. Like, why there's nothing at three. I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's already like 3:30. I thought I was late. And she's like, we have handball. I'm like, excuse me, because we have a. Benfica's handball team is playing right now. Like, well, what better way to warm up for some hoops than with some international handball? So I bought a handball ticket, €5. And I bought a basketball ticket for $5. So let's talk a little bit about handball invented in Germany, some say Scandinavia. I'm going to give it to Germany on this one. It started as 11, 11 outside. It's now seven on seven. And the great thing about handball is basically anyone that's ever been good at any sport but never good enough at the sports they played to ever fucking do anything, all of us. And I'm putting myself in this. All of us think we're awesome or would be awesome at handball. When handball first popped on the scene for me, I was away during the Summer Olympics, and I came back and Van Pelt and Stanford Steve were like, we're handball guys now. And then. They wanted it to be, like, a thing for the show. They made T shirts. I didn't get in the way of it, but it was a bit of a fad. But dudes loved it. Couldn't stop talking about handball. Like, I came back, was like, God,

you guys really like it.

So maybe 100 people there in this small arena for handball walk in. The second I sit down, the buzzer sounds. It's halftime.

All right?

So I was like, all right. Not great timing.

That's fine.

So I'm watching the guys, one of the goalies for the away team, little George Yangish, you know, thicker, savvy, unbelievable foot and hand technique. I mean, all they've been doing is, like, they don't dribble, really, but just watching the guys kind of like flick the ball around and then spin it off the top of their toe and then catch it again. Then I was watching the goalies do their warmup stretches where they'd explode into the corner, side to side. I need to start. I've never seen these stretches. I got to start incorporating some of this stuff into my routine. And then I'm just trying to figure the game out a little bit, right? So it's six on six with the goalies there's five outside this restricted area which you have to get the shot off from behind that. I mean, imagine just like as a kid having a ball in your hand running full speed and then having to jump over some imaginary line and then whip it past your friend. I mean, this is why we all love this game. And the five that are the outside, it's kind of like one up top who's kind of considered the playmaker. Two wings and then two side guys almost the way offense is now in the NBA. It's like you're going to be stuck in the corner the entire time to hopefully shoot 35% from there to give us some sort of spacing. And then there's one guy that's allowed inside this kind of dotted restricted area and he's the pivot, but he's against two defenders. And then everybody's sort of manned up. And at first, to the untrained eye, you know, like there seems to be a lot of pointless ball movement here until they act. But then you start to realize that the pivot is trying to set some sort of screen. You're trying to get the move, the movement of the defense. You're trying to get them to react to your again, anytime, like swinging the ball. But I think we all know too, sometimes at basketball they'll just swing it, swing it, swing it, trying to get it side to side. And it doesn't always work. I mean, if it always worked and everybody would do it every single possession, but a lot of that stuff until you get some sort of advantage or a guy with some kind of momentum just flying in and ripping this fastball past the goalie. Number 97 for Benfica. Rainier Toboto, born in Cuba, believe train in the Netherlands. Just a fucking unit. Unbelievable. Kind of like Javon Walker, maybe played handball. I don't know if he's as tall as him, but he was pretty tall. I mean, most of the guys are pretty tall, athletic, long, but definitely muscular. And then there'll be like just one random guy who's like Kevin Millar out there and you're going, this guy must be fucking awesome because his body sucks. No offense to Kevin Millar, but I

think he would understand.

And it's not necessarily like he's the point guard because like some of the point Garrard type, whatever they're doing, the guy at the top, some of those guys were smaller as they'd sub in players. But it's just a wild sport because you just kind of like cycle and cycle and cycle and then you're hoping somebody follows the penetration with some kind of backward handoff, lateral side pass, and then he gets up into the air and just lets it rip. And the other thing, too, it's extremely physical at that pivot area, because that's where most of the shots are. And they're just trying to get some kind of crease, some kind of just lane to rip it through. And if the other team's like, now this guy's got too good of a chance, they just straight up fucking tackle you onto the hardwood floor. So it gets pretty physical. And I think I only saw, like, one penalty shot, so there was some stuff that was happening. Then the corner. Three guys are kind of fun when they come in on these, like, side attacks where they get so many people to collapse, and then these dudes just have this move where they jump kind of sideways, and there's always a ball fake, and then they rip the ball again, and it's just hard to resist that ball fake. The other thing I noticed, too, was the pulling of the goalies, where the team Benfica was awesome. I guess they're one of the best teams historically. And again, number 97, just a specimen. Loved watching him. But this goalie being pulled thing, as I saw more and more of it in a classic American sense. And really, this isn't even an American thing. It's just any of us that you sit down and you think you solve something, and you're like, you just started watching a minute ago, and you think, hey, well, this is how you should be doing it. But I noticed the pulling of the goalies. I'm like, why don't you just pull them all the time? Because I remember when I first watched it, I don't remember seeing that happen. And then, of course, I looked it up. In 2016, there was a rule change, and in fact, people are far more likely. Teams are far more likely to pull the goalies throughout the game because you get the extra guy on the other side. But the problem is, is if it's. If there's a clean save, the goalie can throw at the length of the court. And, you know, ultimately, I think Benfica had like, four or five empty net opportunities, and they only converted one of them. The goalie tried to throw it full court, and he hit the. He hit the post on it. So, yeah. And then I would say Thiago, for the other team did not take, well, the coaching. I don't know what's going on there. I don't know what the vibe is around that locker room But I didn't like some of the interactions that I saw. I always think about who'd be the best NBA player. I don't always think about it. I was thinking about it today. I think Westbrook. I always put down Westbrook because he'd be great at anything. Like, he'd be a great defensive back. He'd be great at soccer. Shut up, soccer guy. If you don't think Russell Westbrook would be awesome at soccer, I do not want to fucking hear it. I think giddy would be good because some of the offense reminds me of, like, the giddy hard drive. Hope to get an angle. Don't get an angle. Turn around. It's this trampoline, this halftime trampoline dunk show offense. So many teams are running where you have the driver, then turns around, pitches it to the next driver. Actually, there's some handball stuff happening more and more in the NBA now. And the fact that you don't have to really dribble at all. You don't need any kind of handle. Like, a lot of these guys have none. Jaylen Brown probably be terrific. So we go right over the hoops after Benfica wins, and I walk in and it's the same songs. Oh, oh, Benfica. I'm gonna have this stuck in my head for days. It sounds like this kind of poppy song. Something like. Something. David Brent would maybe make a video of this poppy sort of Benfica song. They've got this E pluribus Unum thing going on, which is sort of interesting. It's also the worst possible hat ever. You could probably ever buy anybody, bold font, the entire front of a baseball hat that just says, E pluribus unum. Of many one out of many one. Which we're certainly familiar with here in the States, but this Benfica product has taken that on. I guess it actually started even before then, but I got sick of looking at it. So the basketball again, Like I said, some NBA guys are like, why would you go there to watch basketball? No, I'm like, I went here, and basketball was also here. I'm going to run you through a little scenario that I used to do far too often. It's embarrassing, but I'm going to do it. But I would put myself through. I went to a Princeton game once when I was in my 20s, and I remember thinking, what would happen if they were like, hey, can you play? It's like, Terry didn't show up. And I'm telling you with 100% certainty, I would fucking put sneakers on and run around and be like, I've got you. And that delusional thought has stayed with me for a long time. And as I was watching the guys get warmed up today, I was like, all right, let's go through it. What happens? We're like, we're a guy short. We're going to have to forfeit unless you can play. Like, 15 minutes. Like 15 minutes. That might not be enough. Tonight's the first time I've ever admitted that I would say no. And I know, like, I should have said that my entire life, but it was the first time. Like, if they came up to you and said, hey, can you play for us tonight? We're fucked.

I'd be like, no, I don't think I can.

So we also had a potential incident. I don't know if I was sitting down during the national anthem. I don't think I was, because there was a bunch of people sitting down. Everybody had hats on. But then there was a bunch of people standing up with their scarves, singing a different Benfica song. So no one said anything, because I didn't even know. That's not really my move of never not protesting anything. So I was sitting there, and then everybody was kind of sitting around me, and then people started standing up, and they were holding the scarves and then singing to the song. And it was long, too. And I was like, I guess I'm going to just stay seated, because now I think if I stand up, it's weirder because it might not actually be the anthem again. No one said a fucking word to me the entire time. Maybe 300 people at this game. Not a raucous crowd. Incredible history. And again, the team is the best in the league. I don't know that there'd be one player any of you would even know was in this. There's a couple guys. One guy that was at Ohio State, somebody else, somebody. And I didn't even remember who they were. All of the players, I would say, like, there'd be a moment where you go, ooh, that guy's kind of interesting. And then you would see the reason why he's in the Portugal league. Like, there was a wing that was, like, had this really athletic play. So then I kept my eyes on him, and the next time I watched him, he wasn't just bad at dribbling. He couldn't even get, like. It wasn't the one dribble thing I was talking about. Like, some guys can get you one or two dribbles, but when it's the third dribble, they're fucking Done. He couldn't even get the dribble started. I was like, okay, there was another guy for the other team. I don't know, was it Vittoria who they played? They fucking killed him. So Benfica, shout out to you, E Pluribus Unum. But there was a guy on the other team named number seven, or not named. I don't think that was his name. He was number seven. He looked like Jalen Carter. I mean, just a fucking beast of a guy out there. And he's screaming for the ball in the post up. He's got a deep seal. And I could tell, I was like, they don't really seem to care that he has a pretty good one on one advantage. Deep seal in the post. They're not in a hurry to get him the ball. And then the ball gets kind of like he was holding his position forever. So, like, all right, fuck it. You work this hard. We're down 30. Like, here's the ball. He has no idea what to do. He worked so hard to get post position. He got it. He got the ball. And then he was like, now what? And then I was like, maybe he just had a bad possession. Turnover. They do it the next possession. And again, it's not like it's the priority to run some action to get him a clean entry pass. Let's go back to number seven in the post. He gets in the post again, he has no idea what to do with the ball. Turns into traffic, wrong shoulder, Fucking turnover back to back. And then he got benched. There's another kid that looked pretty good. And then you're just like, yeah, I don't know that he's really athletic enough. However. Diogo Gamero, local kid, 30, born August 13, 1995. Terrific birthday. He lit it up. He had 12 in the first quarter. He had like 25 at the half. Small. He did have a bit of American history X look to him with the shaved head. Little Ed Norton. Worst basketball scene ever in the history of movies. I would.

If I were black, I'd be.

I was going to be. I'd be fucking. I'd be mad about the movie, but I'd also be mad about that pickup move scene. But yeah, I. He was. He was nice, man. Sick handle made every three really good. Like, they ran a pin down for him off the ball. Comes up wide open three. There's also guys just wide open all the time. I'll tell you, too, like, these guys, both these teams ran some good shit. And it just was kind of astonishing. One of those Real reminders, too. Like, do you know how hard it actually is to get your shot off in the NBA when the other team doesn't want you to get the shot off? So this, this guy, Diogo, he's listed at 6ft.

I don't know.

He comes up off this pin down catch. Nobody decided to, like, read it defensively. Like, hey, his guy's going to get pinned here under the basket, so somebody else has to switch. And it's going to be like a switch that's a little different because it's not all right in front of you. It's sort of easy to communicate. You're just going to have to be a little aware that he's their best player. He's already lighting it up, like, help off of whoever you're on to make sure he's going to get a free release and a wide open three. And he kept doing it. And then they ran a pin down for him again. I can't believe you're still listening to this part. And he, like, set up like a bait cut off of what he had done and then just flared out to the corner when the help, like, was like, finally the third time, like, hey, I'm going to go over here and anticipate him at the top off this pin down. And he was like, nah, you fucking idiots. Like, now I'm wide open over here and hits the three. He had some great assists, so, yeah, put him on the radar. It was a really, really cool game. Even though there was less than 300 people there. It's just a cool experience. I'm really glad that I got to do it once I finally found it. I wouldn't say super passionate basketball people here, but I would say the people in the stands are passionate, you know, There was. There was one guy who was an older guy, was giving the business to the refs, and I was thinking, like, maybe that guy used to play, you know, maybe he. When all of his friends were playing football and handball. And it was like, that guy was like, I'm going to get fucking shots up. And he still loves the game so much that he'd go there on a Saturday afternoon by himself and scream at the officials. Benfica. That song pumping through his fucking veins. We can't hear it, but he can hear it every day. There was another older guy, looked a little weathered, and I thought, who knows? When he hears this song when he's in Lisbon, he thinks about the Carnation Revolution. And either he was a part of placing the carnation in a soldier's Rifle. Or he was the soldier with the rifle himself. And he weeps, not because of today, but because historically just corrupt elections before that day, 51 years ago. And then I saw a woman, maybe 20s, with her dad, and he was older, and they were sitting together off in the corner just enjoying basketball. And I was thinking, man, they probably played basketball. And he rebounded for her. Maybe she played in high school and they wanted to spend their Saturday afternoon together loving this game that I love. And she had these rosy cheeks that reminded me of youth and being exhausted from a day of activities outside. Or maybe just exhaustion from the anticipation about how great the next day can be when you're that young. And then I saw her a little closer and I realized, oh, I think she just has bad circulation from vaping too much.

Portugal Part 3. I am in Alcabasa, which is north of Lisbon. It's the home of the history books, say the first monastery, or Google, apparently some grades. I need to check out this disastrous relationship or maybe true love less than

a thousand years ago.

So that's still fresh on the minds, the people here.

Let's Update the last 24 hours.

When I last spoke, I headed out to dinner.

I really wanted to do like two

dinners because it was early and get caught up after a ton of handball and basketball.

And I'll finish on where I'm at

now in the hotel that I'm in that used to be a castle. And then a prison is not a prison now. I don't think they'd let me tape podcast.

So what do we got?

All right, the main promenade through Lisbon, right as you're in, you're exiting the city. It's just the kind of this. This very gradual

incline.

It's kind of beautiful.

It really is.

You know, it's not like it's the most rare thing. You know, the same thing with Mexico City is it goes up towards Chapultepec, I believe, because I did that walk from down there. I don't even know that it's necessarily that steep, but it's just very cool. It's this like very moderate rise that is surrounded by luxury, whether it's restaurants, whether it's all the name brand stores that you could possibly desire. Then also kind of like a walking street market. And it just really nice, felt incredibly safe. Just people enjoying a beautiful city with moderate climate in the winter. I went to this place called I'm not going to get this right Jin Qua or something. I don't know what it was. Apparently they have partnerships With Land Rover, they have some other mysterious resort or whatever. So it's this high end restaurant, wine bar, slash also designer clothing. So you go in and you're kind of. It almost feels like something like slim errands. But then I don't even think slim errands would take pictures of this being like, oh my God, this is amazing. Look at this Tom Ford suede vest. Although I think it was vintage, so the pricing, not gonna lie to you, some of the prices look pretty good. But I didn't feel like buying a suede vest and be like, can I have a white wine with this vest and just top it all off? I probably wouldn't even admit that in the podcast. So I didn't buy a suede vest. I did have a glass of white wine with some carpaccio and some other chicken dish and it was awesome. And by the way, they were super nice, let me sit by myself at the bar. Even though it fucked up their numbers a little bit, everybody was great. Of course, when you're American, I think they're going to be a little bit nicer to you because they know that you're probably going to tip and tip in cash and tip I did. So then there's really not much else

that went on that night other than

I wanted to just try some of the hotel stuff. And I did the meat board and it's like, all right, there's just a lot of meats out there, folks. And some are going to be great and some are. I mean, whoever can just house an 8 selection neat board by themselves. And like all of the neats, you're just built different. So that's pretty straightforward. Then some sort of feta beat thing, whatever.

So to bed, get up. Not going to take the gym routine

went a little bit better. Then I headed over to this place and look, I just really like walking around most of Lisbon, which we'll get to here in a second. Went and then checked out this place called Honest Greens, which was kind of this salad, not salad bar, those. Not many people rocking the salad bar anymore. Our grandparents would be just devastated to know they can't just put a pint of blue cheese over their iceberg lettuce. But I, I hit up this place. I mean, I don't know if their tagline is like salads you can trust,

but it was really good.

It was so good.

I just ordered it again and they were like, is something wrong?

I'm like, no, I got a long

drive ahead of me today, so I'm just doubling up on the meals here. I did sit next to a couple of French girls. Students, young, not creepy, but just the friendship on 11, it has to be shared. I mean, yeah, I was eavesdropping because the tables are right next to each other and they spoke English, but they liked each other so much.

Now that I think about it, maybe

they liked each other a lot.

They were unbelievable. They wrote, they.

They exchanged gifts for each other, they talked about their exams, and they were so supportive of each other because the one girl was like, how did you do on your exam? And she said, oh, I got an 11. I was like, jesus Christ. And then she said, this is like, oh, wait, yeah. She's like, well, I got a 55%. She was like, I got 11 out of 20, right? And then the other girl was like, you'll do better the next time. She's like, yeah, well, I could have studied. So then she just admitted. She's like, I didn't really study. I was like, no, 11 out of 20. Some French dad's paying for this right now. But the other girl was like, just completely. Just unmoved by the fact that she had failed. She's like, no, no, you'll be. You'll be fine. You're gonna kick ass next time around. And she was like, yeah, I believe you. And then they exchanged gifts and then they read notes to each other. So it was like, I love my friend, blah, blah, blah, because of this.

And it's.

It was just an intense, pure friendship that I've never had. I don't even know if I'd be comfortable liking anyone that much or even more so them liking me that much. But it was. It was pretty intense. So anyway, finish up there. And I gotta stop wearing these shorts around Lisbon. I love my legends 5 inch inseams. I will admit there's been a few times. Palm Springs. I. I wore some short shorts in Mykonos once. That was confusing for everyone else. I wasn't confused, but I. I think the. The shorts, especially when people are huddled in winter jackets. But again, it's not that cold. It's not that cold. There's always this, like, slight chance of rain. It's felt like since I've been here, where you can see these ominous clouds.

Only, really only like sailors.

And, you know, captains would notice some of the stuff on the horizon, but you could just see stuff building up. And sometimes there's a quick shower, and then sometimes it passes.

I don't know if that's normal all

the time, but that's happened Since I've been here. So again, when you walk around in shorts, the whole thing getting the eye a little bit, but just usually it looks like the husband is a week away from dying, and the woman's older than I am. So a little eye. So that was kind of nice. But then in my routine of just going, like, look, I don't really feel like doing a museum today. I usually love the museums. I'm like, I don't really want to do the museums. I know I'm driving up to Pinochet and Nazare and now again Alcabasa. So I didn't want to spend the entire day doing that.

So I'm like, you know what?

I'm just going to kind of wander. I'm going to wander.

I know my.

My directions here. It's not that hard, really. I mean, it's a. It's a major city, so you know how I've talked about, like, the first impression when I rolled in and then just not even a block up the street, taking a right, and you're like, oh, my God, this is absolutely gorgeous. Like, pristine European feel to the city. There's so much more that's great than that isn't. But I don't know whether it's my mammoth NHL hat. Anything that signifies you're American, and even by yourself with quads, guys are gonna

fuck with you a little bit more.

And it's. It's almost. I look forward to the pitch, you know? Again, a guy, the Lakers hat. I have no idea where he's from. From. He's like, do you mind if.

And I'm like, off. You know, just get away from me.

I don't say off, but, like, it's. It is the universal language of, like, off. And just keep walking, because it's like puppies with food, man. If you stop and engage any of it, who knows what's going on? So I kept walking to the right of the main sections because the whole thing is. I mean, it's.

It's big enough.

It's a city, but it's incredible what happens just 10 minutes in the other direction. And so I decided to stay parallel to, like, where my hotel was, and then walk up. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, this is entirely different. The mood, the vibe, everything was totally off. I had a guy following me. Now, it may have been the shorts. The only thing I could think of is, like, if you're holding your phone in either hand, it's some kid who doesn't think you're fast anymore would run up behind you and just grab the phone and beat you in a foot race. But I'd also be like, I think I'd pick. You know, of all the phones that are in somebody's hands, they wouldn't pick somebody else.

But maybe they were like, I don't know.

That guy looks like his cardio might suck.

So there were. And you guys can say I'm watching

too many movies, but the guy, 100 was following me because I was, like, walking. I was doing the front and follow without the follow part. You know, checking the reflection.

You know, I don't know if you

guys have seen the town. You just find mirrors, fine glasswork, anything you can to kind of monitor what he's doing. And then I just did a massive, like, pointless U turn for no reason. And then he crossed the street and

then went back the other way after

following me for, like, two or three lights. So that was weird. And then as I made it to the promenade, I was offered coke, which kind of made me feel good. You know, they're like, maybe this guy's just out looking for coke in the middle of the day by himself. Offer Coke every 10ft. And then during this area, there was an. A feminism rally slash anti imperialism. So they were covering, checking both boxes. They had some snare drums. They weren't. This is exactly Stuart Copeland. They had some shawls. It looked like some of them may have flown in from Seattle. If the attendance was low, they were not getting the message out the way they probably hoped. When they had planned that rally, it was. They were minimal numbers, surrounded by drug dealers on top of everything else. So now I'm like, all right, give me the out of here. I want to get back to the hotel.

I want to get the car.

And then when you look at your map and it just says, oh, you can walk this way. It's like, five minutes. Because directionally, it wasn't that far away. I knew where I was going. But then all of these things, like, it would show some staircase that would get you over to the next street, and then you'd show up, and the staircase was missing. There was another time where I went into the parking lot of, like, a house. I'm also known as a driveway, but it was a different, like, apartment building. It was bigger than just a driveway. And there was these guys standing around, and then there was this cement staircase behind them. And I'm like, can I go up this? And they were like, no.

So who knows?

Imagine, like, super up, and you don't even realize you're in this like Portuguese old school mob laundromat. You're like, hey, do you guys mind getting out of my way so I can use the staircase? Because they were super unfriendly. But I, I don't blame them because I'm like, hey, is this thing work?

Can I get up over there?

I just pulled the plug on the whole thing. Taxi of the hotel and the rental car was sitting there waiting for me. A nice little Peugeot, automatic.

So here we go.

Driving out of Lisbon. This is actually pretty funny, but the car's fine. It has a million warnings on it, right? And this lane out of Lisbon is like three lanes each direction. So it feels kind of like a major highway. And, you know, I'm just making sure I'm on it with everything, you know, foreign country. You drive on the right side. So that, that always makes it easy. But I'm at a stoplight and I'm in lead position, green off the line. And I'm going, I think like 70 kilometers an hour, right? So 50 is 30 miles an hour. So I'm, you know, I'm not even going that fast. And then I look up and it just dust. Everybody's gone. You know, the Guy's like, hey, P1, it's your race. Got a couple football fields behind me within 10 seconds. And I'm like, what is going on?

Is this car quicker?

Is something wrong? And then I looked at the speed limit and the speed limit was 50 kilometers an hour. So it was 30 miles an hour on a three lane highway out of the city.

And that went on for a little while.

And I know how I talked about going over to Benfica's facilities and going, oh, I imagine it like opens up and it becomes a little bit more rural. It takes you, you gotta get a little bit further north for the city to be completely behind you in some of the industrial areas. So the plan is to head over to Pinochet, which is this incredible little peninsula town in the Atlantic. And the drive is about an hour. It's fine. It's not like left lane Audubon, which I've been on, where you just got

to get in and out of that lane.

As much as you guys already know all that stuff, some similarities a little bit. You want to stay in the right lane as much as you can, but it's 120 kilometers an hour. 74 miles an hour is the speed limit. Some guys are going like 140, but

I think only like one car in

an hour really stood out and the drive was fine. It was pretty straightforward. You roll in Pinochet and I don't really know what to expect. I know that there's a world surfing league competition there. There's like rip curl everywhere. It's considered this just incredible surf dest destination. I think maybe more stabilized than Nazare, certainly more safe, I imagine. So I get out there and it

starts to rain a little bit.

And as I'm pulling into the town, all the roads are closed and I'm like, what the is going on? I'm here in the middle of Carnival. So the whole Portugal, Brazil thing, that it started to make way more sense after just a couple days. And I don't know if I'll have this in the history of you or whatever, but I guess maybe it's during the 50s or something when there's a lot of stuff going on here. Like 2 million people left Portugal to move to Brazil. So because Carnival is going on right

now and when you watch the local

news, there's actually coverage on all the channels of Carnival in Rio. And yet there's this small little fishing surfing village which feels very old, a seafaring community. Industrial buildings, but not like on a massive scale. Just old warehouses where somebody said, no

one's been in that building for 40 years yet.

It's a major four way stop sign. That was really strange. Like it'd be an unbelievable location for some sort of movie if you did 28 days and you wanted to film it in some of the spots here. For in Pinochet it was, it was haunting and kind of depressing, but at the same time like kind of incredible. But that you're in this smaller community with their main little town. And the weird part was as I got closer to the Carnival part, which I didn't understand, like the first wave of people because the thing had just ended. So that's why the roads were closed. There was some kids walking by and like cowboy hats.

They're like, all right. You know, they must, you know, maybe it was Clint Eastwood day.

Then there's another wave and they're wearing like fireman hats. All right, so what do you do?

Just there we go.

All the kids get with. They're like, you gotta wear a hat on Sunday. And then you see women dressed as nurses as Margot Robbie's character in another not great D.C. movie, Haley Quinn. Is that Harley Quinn? Then there was women that were had like utters. So it got a little. Yeah, I was like, what the. And I didn't realize it was Carlo

on The whole thing, I'm like, all

right, well, I guess there's just some sort of like festival over here. And that's what it was. It was like a five day thing. I looked it up afterwards. So I was kind of like circling around, trying to go, how the hell

do I get like, where do I

need to go without going this way? Get up on the other side and then heading out to the, the cliffs, these limestone cliffs where apparently they found a statue of a Virgin Mary with it. They hid from other people that were trying to confirm at the time, probably some of the Muslims wars of overtaking each other. But apparently this, this Virgin Mary thing was found and there was a Virgin Mary kind of statue and a cross thing off of the cliffs there. There's also a prison for communists, not active now, that you could see. And then there's some islands that you can look at off in the distance, not that far away, which I guess is a marine preserve that you can visit during the summer, not right now. So it was a cool town.

It was,

I'm not trying to sound like artsy or anything like this, but there was, there was nothing fancy, like there wasn't pretentious at all in this remote seaside town that also had like enough of a surfing history that these just massive sand dunes when you enter the rotary of the town and you can't even see over them until you park and check the whole thing out.

I don't know, I, you know, I

don't know if it's the kind of town you stay in, because on the way out, gassed up, you know, there's a girl working at the gas station with her uniform, you know, Econo Fuel. She's cute, she's vaping, she's FaceTiming with a friend, she's under 15 minute break. And you're like, what's going to happen to the cute girl, the gas station finisher? She'd stay here the rest of her life. Does she put a little cowboy hat on her son's head 12 years from now for carnival? She never want to leave the Peninsula because the Peninsula is all she's ever known. Did she go to Lisbon and think, I can make something of myself here? And she'd go, ah, you can have it. You can have Lisbon. I'm happy here in Pinochet. So that was a big part of the day anyway. So banged out of there and then it was dark and made it over to my current location of Alabasa. So when I looked up the hotels, I'm like, All right, I'm going to treat myself. I want to do something a little fancy here. What's the nicest hotel in Alabasa? And that is the place that I'm at right now, which used to be a castle, then was a prison, which I think I already said here. I did. It was. It's like it's going to end up being a thousand American a night here. And I can tell you emphatically, it is not worth it. This is a fucking disastrous choice. Yeah,

I mean, you know, I'm going to do a couple minutes on this.

I didn't want to tape it last night because I was just kind of pissed off of myself. Check in. I can't see it. So I haven't really seen the town. I've seen it this morning in the Gardens, and it's pretty, like, cool. The grounds a bit like Saltburn without

anybody humping a grave.

But I check in and then I had time because I was like, oh, Turkish baths, workout facility, you know, historic grounds, the library room, like all of these things. And so the porter's helping me with my bags.

And the.

The hallways are enormous, like, massive. I've never seen anything. Like, I've never been in a hotel with it because again, it's a castle here.

So I can't tell.

Like, I'm in my room right now

where these windows that look out, these bay.

They're not really bay windows, but I

imagine this is the original stone construction. And then there's just plaster everywhere with these cathedral ceilings. But the hallways are the biggest hallways I've ever seen, maybe in any building ever. I mean, other than just a museum, right? So there's that part of it.

And then the room is just huge.

And then I realized after I looked it up, I'm like, you didn't just go to the highest rated.

You.

You bought the most expensive room. So this is a complete waste of money. When I checked in, I was like, how late is the restaurant open? Because I'm. I'm a bit away from things. Although this town is bigger than Pinochet. I think it's 50, 000 people here.

I.

They were like, you need a reservation

if you want to eat.

And I was like, oh, is it busy?

And I'm like, you know, she's like, no.

She's like, we just need a reservation. I was like, all right, no problem. I was like, do you. I was like, do you want to just make it at like 8 o'? Clock? It's 7 o' clock now. 7:30 or whatever it was. And then I was like, wait a minute. What's up with the Turkish bass? She's like, oh, you must. You must try the Turkish bass. So I was like, yeah, it looked pretty cool. And she's like, well, then just go to dinner after. I was like, well, should I change the reservation? She's like, no, it doesn't really matter. I'm like, but I need a reservation. But it doesn't matter. Again, it wasn't, like, being difficult or anything like that.

I was just trying to understand.

She's like, yeah.

So I kind of got like, they just want to have numbers. They want to know they want a

headcount ahead of time.

A lot of restaurants want to do that. They're also usually busy. So head down to the Turkish bash in my robe and slippers. It sucked. And the Turkish bath is a plastic temporary steam room that's, like, just built. Would be, like something you would build at your house. There was no history to it whatsoever. And then the pool was kind of cool, I think. But again, I can't tell if some of this is, like, fake. To continue to look like the castle theme. I doubt anyone from the hotel management will ever listen to this episode of the podcast. So it'll be like, no, of course. Those are original structures. It doesn't matter. And again, the pool, it's family style here. A bunch of kids.

Good for them. Not going to be the guy without

kids that's annoyed by kids. But it did remind me a little bit of when the only time I've ever used a travel agent and they put me at this Russian, English, German roads in. In Greece resort. And it was so uncomfortable being there. It was one of the few times by myself that I was like, this is.

This is even stupid for you.

So there was some similarities of that. Got in the steam room. Steam room still feels good. But you're just like, this doesn't feel. Turkish bath enough. Change, head down to the restaurant, walk in. The girl is like, completely. Oh, by the way, I was wearing

the shorts because I was driving around in them, and I asked if there

was a dress code, and she said, no. And I was like, well, I can throw some pants on if you need to. And she was like, you know, that

would actually be appreciated.

And I was like, yeah, I got you. I probably have pants. Two pairs of pants.

Mr.

Pants. So when I get to the Res restaurant, she's like, do you have a reservation? And I was like, you know, she's like, almost like, you can't come In. I was like, no, I have a reservation. It's Marcillo. It's room 270.

8:30.

And I was like, there at 8:30? She's like, oh, okay. Doesn't check anything. It's like, sit wherever you want. Because the place wasn't even busy.

And I don't get it.

It had zero appeal. It was just a room with a shitty rug, with shitty tables, white tablecloth, no rhyme or reason to anything. There's a bar off to the side, which looks like a temporary bar at, like, a hotel when there's a hotel convention, right? Like, oh, we got the fucking bobcat guys in town. Let's put a Coors Light station out front. Cigarette machine again, don't smoke. Respect it. And so I look at the menu, and I'm like, do I go wild

here, or do I, you know, just get something in me?

I was like, just get the steak, get the potatoes. You know, simple, done and done. I was looking at the lime risotto, sea bass, but I don't know. So there was this item on the menu. There was Portuguese and English on the menu. And on the English side, it said, seat steak, right?

So I'm like, well, maybe they.

It's a preparation. It's a kind of preparation of their steak. And so the girl comes over and she's handing me bread like it's a Sunday. And what was Sunday? So I was like, can I get this steak?

And she goes, yes.

And then I looked at her, and

I go, can I get it medium?

And she was like, yeah.

I'm like, all right, great.

No problem. It comes out 10 minutes later. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And it looks like two meatloaf slices cut off. So I was like, well, maybe I got meatloaf, which. Fine.

I'll be fine. I cut into it.

I'm like, what the fuck is this?

Creation.

Take a bite.

It is not fatty, but felt fatty.

The fattiest texture you've ever had. It tasted like. Like a piece of Wonder Bread sitting in soy sauce for a week, and then somebody throwing in a microwave and then having some sort of texture.

And I'd been into it.

I'm like, all right, this is bad. You up. You didn't understand what that word was. And I'm like, just get that first bite down.

And I'm like, I can't.

And I had spit it in my napkin again. I don't even care.

Because when the porter brought me up,

I was like, what are the hotels, like a Nazarene he's like, nothing like this. No five stars, Only four stars. Like, you guys might want to check your stars. I'm not an astrologist, but it was disgusting. And apparently it was some sort of vegeta. Vegetarian. I know I screwed that up, but some vegetarian, like, just mashed. Mashed vegetables pressed and pressed and pressed and soaked in some sort of sauce to cover up the original horrible taste, to make it somehow be better because it's salty and brown and then cooked in slices. And the texture again, I cannot get over the texture because the wonder bread scenario doesn't even. It's not going to last. It's going to just disintegrate at some point. So maybe it would be like the hardest tack roll soaked in soy sauce

for a week in the microwave and

then cut thinly on some presentation of sweet potato mash. It was so bad.

So I go, hey, I gotta ask you.

I go, what?

What is this?

And then she was so confused.

Manager came over again.

I'm not being rude to anybody at all. And I was like, I gotta.

He's like, oh, that's our vegetarian steak. He's like, how did you not see that? I was like, do people usually order it medium? And then no one ever says anything to them. And I go, look, I'll pay for this. I'm hungry, and I'll pay for the next entree.

I go, I don't want to be that guy.

I clearly didn't understand. I thought it was a preparation. It doesn't say vegetarian anywhere. It doesn't.

There's nothing.

You know, there's obviously going to be some maybe disconnect on something like this. And he was like, no, no, I understand, I understand.

No problem.

And so then I grabbed a piece of steak, and it also fucking sucked. So there you go. Today the plan already got some stretching in off day, I guess. The All Star game was really good. That's wild. Another thing to add, the first couple days in Lisbon, because of the Carnation

Revolution, I'm like, oh, man.

Flowers are such a huge part of the culture here. I'm like, I just see dudes walking around with flowers everywhere. I'm like, make sure, you know, Mental note, what is it about flowers?

I think the big reason is it

was fucking Valentine's Day, which didn't register at all.

Portugal par 4.

I'm in Al Capasan, my massive hotel suite. It is Monday night, a little after nine.

I'll be leaving them all.

I'm not quite sure what the plan is, but let's Run through the day. The entire point of this trip is Nazare and those waves. I started thinking about it. I knew it had this week off and it was kind of like a last minute. Like, I'm just going to go now because this is still the tail end of the big season. I know it's always a little tricky with the weather and trying to project this stuff. I was looking at stuff in some of the wave projections and so get up this morning, shoot over to Nazare. It's about 20 minutes from Alabasa. The highway was closed, which wasn't awesome. So I had to take all back roads, which actually was kind of awesome because you're just going like, what the hell is this town?

Like, why.

Why are there so many houses and the doors are on the road and I don't see any people. Where are the people to match this number of houses? If I went based on lawn care, I'm like, maybe no one lives there. Or maybe it's an economic thing where it's like, you know what? I'm worried about fucking food, not my lawn. Which I could totally understand too, because that's what I did when a landlord showed up was like, you know, you're not even keeping place.

You know, you're not even keeping, like, the.

The hedges in order. My fucking hedges, dude. Like, we get our water turned off in six routes anyway. Nazare, big waves. I don't know what it is. I just love it. I love watching it. I love the balls on these fucking guys to be able to do this stuff. And the skill to be able to set these world records. Which is where the world record is held right now. Largest wave ever surfed 86ft in October of 2020 by German surfer Sebastian Stutter. Weren't expecting a German to have that one.

That video is everywhere.

You've probably seen it, but you've probably seen the fucking doctored one and it's like, man, do we have to make it look like this? It's 86ft. It's the world record. You don't have to fuck with that video. I've seen the video. The. I think my dad sent it to me like twice. I'm like, dad, that's like a thousand feet. Like, that's not the real clip. The real clip is 86 and it's still badass. You know, it's like these mountain bikers that put that fisheye lens on their GoPro and they're on top of some mountain ridge that looks like it's a thimble thick. And it's like, man, this guy is a death wish. It's like, look, it is dangerous and this guy is awesome at it. But this lens is the reason why this looks so ridiculous. Anyway, that rant is over. I don't know. I wish I were better at surfing.

I'm not good at it.

When I first moved out to Manhattan Beach, I was determined to get good. I was able to get up, but there's way more to it. There's just so much more to it

to actually being good at it.

Then it started to become, like, frustrating because is, like, cool.

Now my shoulders are blown out, or I'm paddling out the wrong part of

the braid, or now I'm in somebody's way. Or I hired a guy in El Segundo for lessons and I paid him

for three, and they bailed on me

and stole like a hundred bucks from me. So I don't know. I haven't ruled out the idea of some sort of comeback, but it's kind of getting a little ridiculous that I'm like, you live this close and you're just not going to ever be good at it. But I'm just speaking to, like, something that I suck at, that I respect. Just the. I don't know, man. There's something to be said about guys that are just like, yeah, it. Like, I could die doing this and

I'm gonna go do it.

You know, you could also say, that's incredibly stupid, or maybe I should grow up and not be enamored with these guys. I don't care. You know, your heroes are your heroes. I'm not judging you. So like I said, About 20 minutes out there, Nazare. The name is based on this legend of and item from Nazareth.

The.

The history of the town's kind of funny in that. So unless you're like, you know, anti pirate, which I guess most people should be anti pirate. But it wasn't really settled near the water. It was up in the cliffs. But the cliffs gave them a vantage point to defend themselves against the pirates. Or the pirates wouldn't see them because they weren't necessarily like this coastal town. They got the pirates out of there late 19th century, and people started settling in this beach. Now the landscape of it sets up for this just incredible set of circumstances, natural circumstances that lead to these absurd waves where you have one, this continental shelf that. That breaks off way out to sea and starts to swell. Power that's unique to this area. You have the winds combining, and then, most importantly, is there Is this deep, deep canyon, over 5,000 meters deep. They don't actually know how deep it is. Is the deepest underwater canyon in Europe. It's arguably, I'm sure there's maybe somebody else who says their canyon's deeper. Congrats. But it's in the conversation. How about that? We'll just agree on that. So you have this chute of energy that all becomes channeled in a very focused direction. And then on top of it, the beach in Nazare is like split by this cliff where there's a lighthouse up there. And that's where you see like the shots of the competition. And there's the north beaches where they ride these waves. And the south beach is just kind of cut out bay and everything. And it's a massive, massive fishing industry thing. And it still is. So this is something I've been thinking about and wanting to do for a really long time. And I pulled up in town, parked my car and there were no fucking waves. I'm talking like, not even white caps, just choppy. And I was like, well, okay, maybe, maybe the north side, maybe. It's just weird and you never see the side of it. I went to some waiter out in the beach bar, which I did not eat at. I'm like, I'm not eating here. It's too close to the water. It's the only restaurant on the other side of the sidewalk. Like, we're just printing money. This place sucks. Simple croissant. What the fuck is that mean? I was like, hey, what's up? He's like, oh, no way. Five day. So then I walked up the cliff and I checked out the north side and there was. It just was nasty current smashing into the rocks. Not one surfer,

nothing.

I can't believe I flew all the way out here and there's nothing. And then I was like, well, maybe I'll just stay here for a couple more days. Fuck it, this is why you came. And I was like, what's the story? He's like, nah. He's like, we had a massive storm last week. Which then explained why there was all this beach sand across the street and on the sidewalk side of the stores that was not on the beach side on the south beach. And I was like, oh shit, there's sand everywhere. He's like, yeah, we had this massive storm. And some other guys showed me pictures of the restaurant with all the windows blown out.

And it actually makes sense because I

was in my hotel room one night this week watching the local news, which I cannot understand. I Don't know like why I like doing that, but I. I guess I try to see if I can figure out what's happening. And they were showing this one part of the coast that was just destroyed by this storm that I guess like, they're like, there's not gonna be anyways, man. This is a pretty nasty storm. So, you know, I could have gone to see the pyramids in Egypt. I could have the Japanese trip. I just need like two weeks to do it right. That's like the only one. But this had me thinking, like, what the fuck are you doing? Why don't you just go on vacation? Don't you want to do the coast of California? All these places that you've never checked out. Pack up some golf clubs and private shorts and let it rip, man. Carmel, don't you want to see it?

So, yeah, I'm. I'm not going to lie. Like, I'm.

I'm pretty bummed out.

I mean, I'm not going to be

like a miserable prick or anything. I'm going to be like, sad. I'm in fucking Portugal.

But

the car ride home, there was some thoughts then maybe I'll keep all of those to myself. So, yeah, I drove back and shockingly, when the highway is closed from one town to the other, it's also closed and the other way, so had to back road that in a different way went through some river towns. I was going to look up the names. I just don't really care. And then I went to go check out the monastery that is the first, I believe, monastery that built in Portugal with the whole guy with his mistress. Where in the monastery they face each other. So when they were resurrected, the first thing they would see in the morning was each other. Or when they were first resurrected, they would see each other. I don't know how the wife felt about it, but. And I haven't seen any pictures of him, so I don't know. I don't know if I. You know, sometimes you're like, sure, I kind of kill it. The only thing. And this isn't bad, it just sounds stupid. But when I checked into the castle, I was like, oh. Because I pulled into town late at night and I'm like, I wonder where the monastery is.

And then when I plugged in the

monastery to drive to it, I was like, oh, okay. So like there's a town. I'm like, I wonder what my hotel is and location is. So that was. I went straight to the monastery and it was supposed to be open till 6 and of course it closed at fucking 5 today. I don't know, maybe President's Day, which would be incredibly respectful. That's why they did it. But there was a crowd of old people furious that it was closing. I wasn't going to be mad. I mean, like, I already. My day already sucks. So just because I can't walk into a Monastery for 10 minutes and take

a picture I'm never going to look

at again, I'm gonna be okay.

I'm already.

I.

You.

You can't get me more bummed out than I am right now. So your office hours aren't up to date.

I don't care.

But I was standing near the opening. Didn't feel like a loser. Everybody yelling at each other. There was one woman who I thought was missing an eye. I was like, well, let's just. Can't you just let her in? She's got one eye, man. And then she had an eye. Cause I didn't think, you know, maybe she was like, five to six are healing hours. And that's why she was, like, really upset. But she had an eye. She had both eyes. And then he kind of let every single person, like, look through the door at the inside of the monastery and

then take the picture.

I was like, oh, that's pretty cool.

Whatever.

So from that point, this sounds ridiculous. I drove, because I drove straight from Nazare to go to the monastery, and then I plugged in the hotel, and it was like, oh, five minutes away with all these different turns. Then I pulled in, I parked, I checked out the town. The downtown of Alcabasa actually is really cool. And then I was scouting out, like, where I was gonna go for dinner, and it's still, like, lingering carnival stuff. So I bought some water from a guy in drag. And I don't think it was, like, you know, an identity cry. I just think it was the carnival thing. So, you know, it wasn't, but he really went for it. But that's carnival.

Yeah.

I'm not judging anything. So to end the whole day today, I'm in the hotel room plugging in the monastery, being like, okay, well, if I parked over here. But then I had to drive all the way around.

Like, I wonder how far away from

monastery I am and if I should just order an Uber so I don't have to, like, park in town. Because there was, like, lingering carnival stuff and closed off streets, and I'm looking at the indicator on the map, and I'm like, it's right next to you.

Like, your left wall.

Is the monastery. I'm like, what the fuck? And it kicked in and I realized I'm like, oh, this castle that I'm staying in is actually connected to the monastery. So I'm the furthest suite and the closest to the monastery. So instead of going right in the parking lot, I just have to go to the side alley down to the left. And it was right around in town where I was walking. It was less than a half a mile. So I thought that was a pretty fitting way to. To complete today's. Yeah, I don't really know what to say. Like, I was looking up boats and stuff before. I was like, I wonder if I can pay one of those jet ski guys like, a thousand bucks and just say, hey, if I die, I die. But can you, like, get me sort of close on the shoulders or can we ride up behind it? You know, I didn't expect 86ft from Stuttner, but, you know, can you do something for me? I was asking a local guy who owned a, like, T shirt shop, and his English was perfect. So I was actually talking for a

while and I was like, what's the

deal with this place? Like, did you grow up, like, wanting to be a surfer? And he was like, I actually. He was like, I was kind of a nerd.

And I was like, oh. Oh, my God.

He was.

It was kind of like. You may not have guessed it, but I was kind of in her growing up. And I was like, I would have guessed that, but I didn't say that. But he was great.

He was super friendly.

He's like, I just wanted to watch cartoons. He's like, I didn't really start going outside until recently. He's like, Honestly, before Garrett McNamara, he's like, that was in 2011 when he rode a 78 foot wave in Nazare. He's like, no one really even gave a shit, man. He's like, this is all kind of new. And I was like, is that what's going on in the construction? He's like, yeah, the tourism here is, like, off the charts now. And even more so with the wave from six years ago. And there was still a decent amount of people walking around the whole day. And then I, like, looked at some pamphlet for, like, jet skis that would drag you out behind the jet Ski into the waves. And I was looking at the participant photos and stuff, and I'm like, some. It looked like they were in a lake. Like, they clearly don't just take out. Like, Yeah, I mean, look, I'm basically saying I'm that guy. Except I was going to bribe him more and sign any waiver possible. And then I still might have shit my wetsuit if it were big and they're like, all right, you sure? And I might have said, you know what? Actually, at that point, wetsuit on, the

whole thing,

you know, at that point,

I can't say, hey, I'm not doing this. But I wanted to do something where I was a little afraid.

I wanted to do something where I felt like I was doing something, testing myself.

And all I can say now is that I need to. The only thing that was tested is my preparation.

And I got an F.

Part 5 I've been busy, so let's just get you caught up here with what the

plan is and what I've been doing.

So I left Alba Casa.

As you know, I think that's the last time I taped.

And this carnival schedule I can't quite

figure out because there'll be, like, a

road that's closed, but it's not busy.

And so I don't know if these folks go super hard in some of these villages, like, really, really late.

But even some of the local bars. And there's like, this really cool stretch

of bars next to the monastery. I mean, you can walk up and down it in two seconds, but I don't know.

A handful of bars, mini beers, I

noticed, and outdoor seating set up.

And it was all empty. Outdoor bar stations, which I imagine, you know, maybe during peak tourism are necessary, but the bars inside were empty, and

then all the seating was empty. So unless people just were like, hey, it's midnight now. It's time to go out for last call. I don't quite understand it. It kind of felt like a bar near BYU during senior week, just being like, I don't know if the crowds are going to show up.

So on the way up to Porto, I decided to make a couple stops

in a couple coastal towns that I was researching.

The first one is Figueira de Fauge, which means fig tree at the mouth. The legend is there was a fig tree at the mouth of the Mondego river that fishermen would tie up to. The tree is no longer there. The town is also known as Queen of the Beaches. And in a lot of these coastal towns, it doesn't necessarily mean, like, you're

guaranteed to get any kind of beach.

This beach is massive, a really clean town. Granted, it's dead this time of year,

so it was quiet.

There's a big casino, but there was no traffic. And it's just a Different kind of town where you feel like it's not dissing Nazare, but it felt like more of a traditional beach escape for people in the area where Nazare is, like, more up and coming on the south side of it. And then the older part of Nazare

up on the cliff, which was actually really quaint. There's a bullfighting ring up there.

The bullfighting here is a little bit

different, where you try to, like, catch the bull.

They do throw some darts into the

shoulders, but they don't kill the bull. Here. I don't know if I would have gone again, but I guess Matador was actually recently killed, but he was just trying to, like, I don't know. Low man wins.

Go right at the bull.

And the bull just crushed this poor

guy whose father was also in that line of business. I was reading about it the other night.

Then the mom saw everybody was making fun of her son, and then she went off on Facebook, and I can't believe I read all of it. So I'll spare you all those details,

but, yeah, the northern part of Nazare,

which I think I was just so defeated after the wave experience or lack of waves. I didn't do a great job at kind of filling you in.

I can imagine this summer, it's just really cool.

There's a Ferris wheel up there and everything.

So back to Figueroa. The fog, it's just a. It feels like a town that has been more of a destination for a longer amount of time.

And it seems like the economy is. Is pretty strong based on a couple different things.

I did walk out to the beach.

Massive. There was a huge hotel that's right on the beach.

At first, I'm like, wait, is this

place out of business?

Because all these windows were boarded up on the first and second floors. And then I realized these storms that came through Kristen, and then there was Marta and Leonardo. I mean, people lost their lives. I drove past this area on the highway where it was like a gravel business. And granted, it's not fully enclosed, but

there'd be those aluminum roofs, and the aluminum was ripped to shreds just like foil paper.

So as I've talked to more and more people since I've been here and

gone into these coastal towns and, like, having something to eat or whatever, I'm just kind of asking about it. They're like, yeah, it's been just. We got storm after storm, and this last one was really, really bad. So this hotel was fully operational and open, but it just had plywood over

all of these blasted out windows because the hotel is just a massive glass wall of floors facing the beach. So there's also the Fort Santa Catarina, which dates back to either the 1300s. The idea was at this river, which is access to a major city inland about 30 minutes.

And obviously its position on the coast from people coming down from the north. There was just a real sense that, hey, we've got to build some sort

of fort to defend ourselves. The fort didn't work. The design, even when you walk by

it and granted, I mean, it's been a few hundred years, so I'm not going to sit here and be like, well, Jesus, that window doesn't make any sense. But apparently if you read about it, the whole thing was kind of a fucking disaster. And when it finally was fully operational immediately privateers came in and ransacked the place. And there's just different stories about how they were trying to get a budget together to make improvements. I think it was fairly improved around the early 1800s.

Then Napoleon had troops take the whole

thing over and then a bunch of volunteers. I don't know how accurate any of this shit is, but it's like, oh, 24 students. But it's like, I don't really know that 24 local students were like, all right, let's get these guys out of here.

Unless it wasn't, you know, defended properly, or it's just a pointless thing to defend. But considering England's desires at the time

against Napoleon, whatever did or didn't happen in overthrowing Napoleon's troops, because it's pretty clear that that did happen. I just don't know what the numbers would mean. They bounced them out of there, cleared the way for the English to land there and kind of set up a lot of their military bases. So, yeah, you can.

I walked right past it and you're

like, oh, there it is.

It's not anything that you're like, oh

my God, look at this thing. You can just tell that it's super, super old.

And then it looks like they did some updated masonry of like a hundred

years ago that honestly looked kind of stupid on it. I didn't really know what they were doing, but again, maybe I just don't

understand the culture or the influence of design. The cool thing is that right next to it, and you can tell that this place has some money, is there's like a full and like high end tennis club, paddle club, and then kind of like a cool miniature golf course. And actually some of the glass around

the Paddle courts was just destroyed in the storm.

But in the middle of this tennis club was this restaurant that you could

just tell and like, all right, I think this restaurant's going to be awesome.

And I didn't know how it works.

Like, there's some pretty fancy golf clubs throughout the country where not here, but in America.

You can just pull up to Riviera

and be like, hey, I'm eating lunch here today.

Although they might not even notice up

there because there's like no one there.

So I just walked into the tennis

club and was like, can I eat?

They're like, yeah, no problem. They came out. This bread olive thing they do out here is the best every single meal

I've had for the most part.

I mean, it's not 100%, but it's pretty damn close. They just come out with these incredible olives. They're all green. I feel like your olive journey starts with the kalamata olives, whatever that word was that I just said, kalamata. And then the canned olive thing to me is disgusting.

I always hated it.

It would always be a bummer to

me when somebody would order on pizza. But people are different.

These green olives now, these hard, dense green olives that are in olive oil and salted perfectly. And then they came out with these three different kinds of bread with this specific butter. Not that sheep's butter, that's this mixture of butter and cheese that has been

brought out on the table quite a

bit, which is cool. I wouldn't want to eat a whole like pallet of the thing. But I've just noticed this about bread. Like whenever you try three different kinds of breads, nobody goes three for three, right? There's always like one that you really wish there was more of. Maybe it's some sort of baguette and then maybe there's kind of like this softer sourdough thing. Maybe there's like this really great wheat. But then there'll just be this. Hey, yeah. This is also our are grain sourced pumpernickel, you know, with raisins in it.

And you're just like, like, you know,

whatever, maybe one bite experience something. Whatever this was. There was like a baguette. There was some other sort of white

bread that was really, really soft and then some sort of wheat that was incredible. I could have eaten.

I think I did eat close to the whole basket. Little steak tartare. If I were in the tartar business, my number one thing would be all of our tartar has to be sold a sold at an extremely cold Temperature. This was a little on the warmer side, which makes it kind of a different experience when you're eating it. But, you know, again, if I were in the tartar business, I'd imagine if

it were successful, you know, people would understand that. And then I did some sort of

vegetable fish dumpling, which I went for

because I saw somebody else have it. And I was like, you know what? That's awesome. And it was terrific. Didn't taste fishy at all.

The waitresses were awesome.

Look, I don't know. I mean, maybe it sounds a little creepy, but there was this really cute thing that one would do as she was trying to talk to me, that

every time she couldn't figure out the

word was for English, she would, like, draw on the table. And somehow, like, with the moisture in the air, you could figure out, like, oh, that's a roof, or this is this. Whatever.

I'm not being weird about it, but

when you tip €10, they treat you like a rock star because they can't believe. Like, why are you just giving us extra money for free? Because nobody tips here.

Yeah. And, you know, a lot of people are asking me about. Half my buddies are like, how odd are the girls?

We'll.

We'll do a full. We'll do a full recap of that,

because I do think guys listen to that kind of stuff, so hopefully no one is offended.

All right, so figueroa defauge, 60,000 people. As I was sitting there at lunch going, you know, maybe I don't have to rush to Porto right away because it is a major city, and I

don't want to spend a ton of

time in the cities. I found another place named Averro, which is known as the Venice of Portugal

because of its canals.

So you get off the highway, roll in past the salt marshes, where there's all these different areas producing salt. There's no real beach here. You would have to go outside of town. But as you pull in and I

pick this hotel, which I'll get to

here in a second, I can't really come up with a better word than cute. It is the cutest little town. You could do it at night. You could probably even do it in an afternoon if you were out here exploring. But it is so incredibly cute along the canals and the boats and the tourists getting in the boats and heading inland and then out to the very edge. Another very industrial kind of history as far as the ports and the access,

which is, you know, look, most of

these towns that have been here for centuries,

they exist Simply because there was a place to be able to dock your boat that was safer than the other places that have very little infrastructure, because it just didn't really make any sense. And so as you're pulling into Figueroa

Default, there's a whole nother south side

of this massive inlet that I think it's San Pedro.

There's this huge modern bridge. I mean, it's a massive bridge that you would see in an American city.

And you're like, oh, damn

this place. Even though it's larger than Figueroa de Fosges, I would say that the infrastructure part of it was smaller, at least

where I walked around.

And like a lot of these towns, the old part of the town is usually entirely separate than the new part of the town. The old part of the town is just all these cool shops and restaurants. It's all along this other section of the canal. And I would even, like, give them

credit for this, too.

Like, shops that you go, oh, I

could go in here and dick around for, like, 15 minutes.

As opposed to some of the other

stretches you'll hit in a larger city where you're like, do I really need

to buy a shitty suitcase and a Ronaldo jersey here? Like, probably not. So stuff that had a little bit more character, a little bit more charm to it, the hotel thing, everything is really cheap. Other than my disastrous castle stay, which, by the way, if they're a place that we're going to be haunted. So on my last night in Abakasa, in the hotel prison monastery, I don't know where I'm at with ghosts. I'm not going to be, like, completely dismissive. There's probably something going on, which is

kind of the same way I feel about aliens.

But the ghost shows need to be better. The ghost shows need to prove more. You can't just invent some fucking radio thing that has static and the lights are off and you walk into a closet of an asylum, and you're like,

oh, man, we're getting all sorts of activity.

You got to be more convincing for

me to buy in.

However, in the middle of the night, there's the door to the suite, the door from the suite into a bathroom, into the door into the major bedroom, and then a fourth door into the next bathroom.

Again, the thing was fucking massive and totally stupid how much money I spent on it.

But in the middle of the night,

the door that was closed just opened.

And you know what? Air ducts venting.

Who knows, right?

I mean, what. I don't know what the Specs are here in Portugal, but I can't imagine

the building inspectors are worried about the

thresholds, maybe the way they are back in the States.

And so I was like, all right, that's a little weird. Going to go back to bed. And then a few minutes later, phone that was on the nightstand just magically falls off the nightstand onto the ground. I was like, well, I've been pretty

nice, so I'm not entirely worried about the entire thing. So back to this hotel situation. This hotel was right on the canal. So I pull in, perfect stone driveway, perfect stone front.

I'm like, oh, this place is going to be sick. Even though I think it was just

$120, there actually weren't that many expensive

hotels to even look at. And I'll get to the hotel sorting trick that I've been doing here, which, again, hasn't always worked, but this time of year, I mean, I'm in the middle of like, they're like, oh, you're

here for the waves that aren't here. There's just not a ton of tourists. I mean, there's a few, but there's just not a ton, especially in these smaller towns. So I check in Diana behind the desk, super intense, apologizing profusely for the

intern that didn't understand military time versus the way in America. And I was like, hey, I don't care. I can figure it out.

When you say seven, I know you don't mean 19. We're good.

We're totally fine.

And she's apologizing profusely and she's like, what time will you have breakfast tomorrow? I'm like, I don't know.

I'm not sure.

So I'll tell you, when I checked in, I was kind of like, this place is going to be sick. Like, wow, 114 bucks or something like

this for the night.

And then when I got off the elevator, I was like, oh, man, I don't know. Now the greeting area of the hallway, to the elevator, to the rooms. No one is going to get this reference. I just think of, like, the Windjammer in Vermont, this restaurant where. And I always think of restaurants like this because we used to always take my grandmother out.

She was in a wheelchair, and we'd pick her over the nursing home. It was like a once a week thing that we always had to do something. I certainly appreciate that my father made

us do more now because obviously I hated it as a kid. But whatever restaurant she wanted to go to, within reason because we didn't have

a Lot of money would be the

restaurant that we would go to in

this area of Connecticut called Glastonbury.

And it was like all these different. It was like a cycle of the same five different restaurants. And this hotel reminded me of the same design. Once I got towards the rooms, I'm like, it's not nice, but it's not bad. But it's so old. And then when I got to the room, it reeked of the dispensable soap. And then I saw the bed, and

it's like, I've got one of those

equator beds, like when the land is ripping in half like in Superman. And I'm like, I've avoided these most

part in this trip.

It's something that happens in Europe all the time.

We're like, oh, we have a king. We have a queen. And you're like, no, you don't.

You have two fucking twins. And now anybody who weighs more than £170 is going to be fighting this fucking sinkhole the entire time. And so it did look like a kind of room that, again, I'm referencing grandparents here. But, you know, like, if you don't. If your grandparents live far away and you're around my age, because I don't

know if it happens now, my grandparents aren't around.

But if you, like, go to the

room that you stay in and you're

like, there's no one has been in this room for 365 days. Like, it smells like the past year. And it's not necessarily a bad smell, but there's just no activity whatsoever. So I was like, all right, maybe this is why.

This is one fourteen bucks.

I went to my guy, Pedro the bartender, really tall, and said, hey, you know what? I kind of feel like getting a workout in. I didn't even bother looking at the fitness center there.

I knew it wasn't going to make any sense.

He's like, oh, Cristiano Ronaldo has this chain, CR7 Crunch.

He's like, it's within walking distance.

Like, look, I don't even care if

it's like a mile away. Like, I want to walk around and check out as much of the town as I can. But I did want to get a workout in.

And he's like, yeah.

And I was like, man, it's kind

of hard to avoid that Ronaldo guy, huh? And he kind of like, give me this. Like, yeah. I was like, whoa, Pedro. I was like, he's like a national. He's the guy.

He's like, well, depends on who you Ask.

And I was like, well I don't fuck. I had follow ups, but I also

wanted to get, get it in before the sun went down.

So go over to CR7, closed in the afternoon.

Asked local guy, I was like, is this open?

Is it closed? And he was like, oh, it's carnival.

And I'm like, yeah, but like I

don't really see anybody doing any carnival type shit.

So.

All right, no problem. So then I hitting the old maps on the phone gym and I find another one across the street. I don't know, five minutes or so. One thing that I did love, it's the first time I've seen people playing hoops. Kids playing hoops, sick handles under 10 years old along the canal. Five different kids with their own basketball walking to a park, about to play pickup. And right when I pulled in off the rotary I saw guys playing.

So I don't know what's going on

in Aveiro, but it looks far more

like a basketball place than any other city that I've been in so far.

So I walk over to this other gym that says that it's open kind of on the main promenade, little funkier on the newer side of town, in the town itself. Again there's the old part that I've covered next to the canals. Then the canals kind of work their way in and to the right of the canal facing with the ocean behind you, there's this incredible newer modern feel that's totally clean. The buildings are clean. It looks like there's offices there. And then there's this old main route in which again is a little bit funkier.

And you can just tell by the stores. And again, anybody selling $10 suitcases, usually you're like, okay, I don't know if this is the best tourist spot.

So I walk over to this gym and on the front door it says on the door anal sex wear question mark. So I thought about it and I was like, okay, well that's, that's not the best thing for business. And it was closed and it was abandoned. And I thought, well, I wonder if

it went out of business because that's

the first thing you saw when you opened the door to the gym. And as far as that topic goes, it's not the most offensive way to maybe discuss it because it's inquisitive instead of being definitive. It's kind of open ended. It's not like, hey, so I don't know what they were going with on that one. My guess is the place went out of business.

Then somebody wrote that after the fact.

Third gym is a charm. Gym and tonic. Yeah, that was the name of the gym. I think it's. Look, they love Europe, loves Iceland.

I don't know if I saw it

in New Zealand as much, probably because they speak English. But the Europeans love American wordplay. I don't know what that one means. $10. €10, cash. I'd have to sign up for an app or anything. It's great. Go in there, work out a little bit. Not busy at all, unfortunately.

Set off the alarms when I left, because it was just a little thing like a subway, but you would just kind of push it out of the way.

But there was some button behind you, which you would never, ever seen.

And as soon as I touched the

thing, alarms and lights going off.

And the guy behind the counter is like, oh. I was like, all right. I'm not.

It's not an emergency.

I just. I just want to go back to the hotel.

So made it back to the hotel after that, got changed and then was

like, all right, I'm going to grab

some dinner, check in with Pedro again. I was like, give me a really good restaurant right near me. The restaurant was terrible.

It was so.

I just want to ask this about saltfish. I understand that it's a huge part of the history of these maritime communities because before refrigeration, you had a salt code and you were able to hang onto it forever.

Like, you were able to travel with it. When I was in Iceland, it was

all sorts of salted fish in a bag. Every single place that you went to.

Right.

But we have refrigerators now. I don't go to STK and ask for the fucking beef jerky.

There's just something to think about.

I know it's traditional. I know. But, like, some of these meals where it's like, oh, this is a traditional meal. Like, well, that's a traditional meal. Because the resources were not as strong as they are. We have more options. We have more shit to do. We don't need to eat the hooves of anything, really. I mean, you can, but there's a reason why people ate that shit before. Although when I went to Jamaica, chicken legs. You're not telling Jamaicans they shouldn't be eating chicken legs.

So I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to be that guy.

So bad dinner experience. That's all right. We've had some ups. We've had some downs throughout it. All right. Was walking through the area, which I'll get to here in a second. Maybe I'LL do it on. On the back end of this. I'm almost done, I promise. Went to this bar called the House of Rock to watch the end of Real Madrid. Benefoca, Benfica.

Excuse me.

Look at me.

I was there.

I spent the whole day there.

Benfica.

All right, so Benfica, Real Madrid. They're actually playing in Lisbon. Street's like, oh, my God, I can't

believe I didn't tell you. And I was like, I'm too busy not checking out waves.

I wasn't going to turn around anyway for it. Had I known I wasn't going to wait until the middle of the week

and still be in Lisbon. So I don't feel like it was

a huge missed opportunity. I have no idea what was going on.

That game, other than 20 minutes of

extra time, just went on forever and ever. My seat wasn't great.

There was a bunch of English people in there.

There's a bunch of Irish women that

came in and ordered around.

That took a month. I ordered vodka soda and it was

€13, which I was sort of shocked

about because everything has been incredibly, incredibly cheap every.

Every step of the way.

Except for, again, the master suite at the castle. So, yeah, up early, roamed around the town, again, took a bunch of pictures from my father. Because this tile work thing is incredible. It is everywhere you go in Portugal.

It's, I think, one of the coolest

building features that I've seen. I've got my laptop with Portuguese going on in the background there. I apologize, I cannot express this enough. Like it is. It can be a house, it can be a brand new house, it can be a demolished house or that should be condemned. It could be a business. It can just be a wall in town. The pride that the Portuguese take in this tile work, where it is everywhere, and generally it's blue, but it'll be purple, it'll be green, it'll be yellow, there'll be some sort of deep red. All I can tell you guys, if you're in the backsplash business and you want to impress your girlfriend or your wife, or if you're in interior design, look at some of these patterns. Have it be your signature thing. I'm giving it to you right now. And then when people are like, oh,

my God, what's it like? I have a bit of Portuguese influence

in the way I want to design this because this tile stuff is really cool.

So, again, I don't know that it would be exciting to anybody.

I may launch the photography feed on IG may have to let things settle Down a little bit. So I left Aveiro and finally headed up to Porto about a day behind, which I'm totally fine with. On the drive over, massive rainstorm, so fucking bad. For about 10 minutes, all I could do was look at the tail lights in front of me. I couldn't see anything. The wipers are terrible. This car's been kind of annoying. I don't know what model Peugeot it is, but I would not get it. It drives fine, but it's constantly asking me if I'm okay because I'm going slightly over the speed, speed limit. Or if I don't signal every time that I change lanes, it'll just say like, okay, question mark. It's like, hey, are you okay? What's up with these wipers? I can't see anything. If it had gone on much longer, I was going to pull over because I couldn't see at all. I get to Porto and I am now in this really nice hotel. What I've been doing and sorting the hotels is just getting rid of the hundred dollar ones and less because they fill up too much of the shit. And I don't need to spend 80 bucks on a hotel room as I imagine any of you coming over with your wife.

That would not be what you would want to do.

So get to Porto. The hotel is really, really nice. It's probably about 500 bucks a night, but I have my own apartment. It's two beds, two baths, kind of a kitchen, a balcony over a garden. It's actually an apartment across the street from the hotel's main building. Really, really nice. They were super proud of their Michelin star. And they were telling me about how their restaurant named Blind just received a Michelin star.

And so I was like, okay, well,

if it's this good first question, like,

can I go by myself? And she was like, absolutely.

Couldn't be more pleasant, right? And so then the porter brings up the bags a little bit later after she does her whole presentation.

And then everybody trying to figure out like, why is this guy just fucking

running these massive rooms? The guy comes up, he was great, great English. And I'm like, what's the story with this restaurant Blind? And he's like, well, every night the menu is different. I was like, well, give me some read on what this restaurant is. He's like, that's kind of the whole point. That's the concept, is that you don't know. I was like, so you're not even going to fucking tell me? He's like, I can tell you that it's 12 pieces. So I was like, I don't think

I'm going to go 6 for 12 probably.

He's like. And to also tell you, the only thing I can tell you is that one of the items towards the end, when it comes out, they blindfold you. And I almost, for the story and for the pot, want to go by myself. I mean, just can you imagine what an asshole I would look like blindfolded at a table at a Michelin star restaurant by myself? And then of course, they bring out like bird guts. And I'm thinking about Tom and Greg in that succession scene where they're eating this, this bird they're not even supposed to eat. Deep fried, whole beak bones, the whole thing, just to prove some fucking point. And that they put the napkin over their head to eat it, to hide the shame, but they at least get to look at it. I just don't know that I want to do that, even if it would be an incredible story to be like,

yeah, I went to a Michelin star

restaurant in Porto, Portugal, and I was blindfolded by myself.

There's not even anybody left, obviously the people doing it.

So I don't know if I'm going to do that to finish up here. God, these have been longer. I made it over to this restaurant. I'm kind of doing this trick now. When I walk around looking at places to potentially eat. I look in the windows, not so much at the food as I do look at the people inside, how they're dressed. If I notice a couple of nice watches on the men or the women, I'm like, all right, well, if they're, you know, if that guy's rocking an ap, maybe this will be a nice little lunch spot. So about three o' clock in the afternoon, I headed into Maria Rita, right near my hotel here. I'm in the historic district of Porto. I walk in, my guy Carlos is like, look.

And I'm like, here we go.

Now they're giving me a hard time because I'm by myself even though the place is empty because I'm here during a downtime. And he's like, no, no.

He's like, I just want to let you know we only take cash.

I was like, no problem. I always take out a ton of euros. And then I have just, you know, then I'm kind of like, you took out too many euros. When I get home. All right, let's get to the good part of the story. So I sit down with Carlos. I'm like, look, I'm super hungry. I've been on the road. I didn't eat this morning. Let me see here. I was like, I'll start with some hamon, the Iberian ham that I just absolutely loved every time that I'm in Spain. Just because you can buy it literally anywhere, it always tastes great. You can just have it in your car, you know, especially if you're on the road quite a bit. And he was like, no.

He's like, that is the leg. He's like, I'm going to give you

the filet portion of the pig.

And it is so much better. And I was like, all right, fuck it.

Let's go, Carlos, what do you got? So he brings these pieces out that almost look more like bologna slices than they would a prosciutto or the jamon. And it's smoked. I still can't get the smell off my fucking hands. And the first couple slices. Unbelievable. Like nothing I've ever tasted before. Incredibly, like, softer. The smokiness is great. The texture is pretty good. You know, it's not the prosciutto, but then there's also some of these cured meats that are just gross to bite into. And this was not the case at all.

I was like, look, if it's really,

really fatty, I'm just not going to like it.

He's like, no, no, trust me, trust me.

This is the play. So I get the. What I thought would be the pork version or the pork portion part of the late lunch, early dinner out of the way. And I was like, I think I'm going to get the steak.

And he's like, no. He's like, you're not going to get the steak.

I'm like, carlos, who's in charge here? He's like, you're going to get the pork shoulder. He's like, it's marinated for days. Red wine, little bit of spice, little olive oil, and a little bit of olive oil.

Who are you fucking kidding?

This whole continent's dousing shit in olive oil.

But that's all right. I love olive oil.

So I was like, all right, when in Rome.

Let's do it.

And he's like, it comes with chips and a salad.

And I was like, yeah, all right, no problem.

And then he goes, if I could further whatever he said to me, he's like, we have a specialty for today, a very traditional meal.

He's like, you can look it up if you don't want to eat it. And I was like, well, no. What is it?

And he's like, it's Pig, but it's fried with flour and spices and olive oil. And we only make it one day of the week and we have it today. And I would love to have you try it now. Who knows? Maybe their pork inventory was way too high. And they were just. They had a meeting that morning before they opened the door and they were

like, got to push pork today.

Push pork all fucking day. I've never had a meal where I had three different versions of pork at the same time.

And I did it today.

So the pork shoulder was incredible.

No sauce on it whatsoever because it

had been marinated in the red wine

for so long, but it was just

falling apart all over the place. Don't eat it very often. Almost rarely.

This was terrific. Salad, terrible. But hey, whatever, you know, stay on brand Europe.

This, this bowl of just incredible Portuguese rice. And this is after I'd eaten all this, like, pork, ham, fucking whatever thing. So he brings out this, this, this traditional fried pork flour thing. It looks like a deep fried penis,

not a big one.

And I, I smell it and it smells like I bite into it and I don't. The aftertaste was so fucking terrible.

I was like, this is why you

don't do this stuff.

I was like, oh, yeah, it's traditional when you guys.

So I, I was eating it, thinking it was one thing, and then he comes out and I wipe out all the pork shoulder. I ate most of the ham, eat the salad, eat the rice. Just stuffing myself. He brought me a full glass of ice too. Shout out to my guy, Carlos.

Fucking amazing.

And he was like, did you not like the pork intestine? I was like, I like it even less now. I was like, that's intestine.

He's like, yeah, yeah.

Because the thing is, when I bit into it, it fucking like snapped. And it wasn't from the deep frying. It was from the texture of whatever

it was I was eating.

And the aftertaste was so fucking disgusting. I was like, yeah, this tastes like an intestine. And I think he thought that was a compliment because then he smiled and gave me a hearty thumbs up. But Carlos is the man. And the whole meal was €21. I left him a 10.

They'll be talking about me for years. Part six. Okay, we got a lot to get to here today. So. Woke up. Best night of sleep I've had. The room is great. It's nice to finally get a great night of sleep. The room is great. The hotel's awesome. The bed is awesome. And I was waking up, stretching out, legs under the covers. And then I was kind of thinking about that moment. There's a little sunlight coming in, and I don't know what the thread count is, but you think about when you're with your. Well, I don't have a wife. But if you were with somebody you cared about and she's kind of like leaning up and you're about to start the day, and I'm not trying to be creepy or weird or anything. Maybe she runs the side of her foot up against your shin and it feels great. Unless you're super into Muay Thai and all the nerves in your shins are dead, but there's maybe a little head nuzzling. And it's actually really uncomfortable because her chin is buried right into your shoulder. If you have a lot of muscle mass, it hurts more. And you're like, yeah, this is uncomfortable. But I kind of don't want this moment to end. And I think for a lot of you out there, that's how you wake up. And it's a nice little reminder. I woke up and checked Twitter right away after some Kyrie Irving content that I posted. And I saw the first comment was,

hey, you fat, bald queer. So we're all moving different.

So last night I hit up Villanova de Gaia. All right, there's going to be some pronunciation. I'm sort of tapped out because the Portuguese thing makes it even harder. You type in something and you're like, how do you pronounce this? And then there's fucking these pronunciation videos. Who is behind these? Who is making money on these things? The word we are about to learn how to say is a word, and it's like, wait, I got eight minutes to go. Just say the word. So I'm just going to apologize in advance that the.

What?

I have no Spanish background, took French for a long time. So there's some places where I'm like, I think I can figure this out. But with Portuguese, it seems to be entirely different. That one's easier. Other ones are going to be tougher. So Villanova de Gaia is almost a sister city just south of the Douro

river,

which cuts right between Porto and Villanova de Gai. And Villanova de Gaya is actually more populated. I think it's north of 300,000 people. So it's this whole other city in Porto, I think, is like 280,000. So there's this bridge, and it was one of the first things the guy had said. He's like, if you're going to see anything, you have to check out this bridge and maybe check out a sunset and you can walk over to that other city. And again, it's all super easy to walk to. It was only a few minutes from the hotel, and walking across this bridge was phenomenal. And seeing the sunset, an unbelievable experience last night. So a little on this part of the. This area, the porto wine thing. Only wine produced in the Douro Valley region can be considered port wine. Basically. It's like, I think it's less grapes. And then you add another distilled grape thing, you can add brandy to it so it stops fermentation so it doesn't become full on wine. It's a lot stronger. It's like 19 to 22% alcohol, as opposed to wine is like 12 to 15%. So people love it. There's these cellars over there. You can go on these tours, these Porto tasting tours, just like any winery that you would go to. I didn't really have any interest in doing any of that because I just think it'd be sort of weird. I don't know. And I'm not like a huge. Even though we have a wine line coming out, I'm not. I'm not like that into it that I wanted to do that. So I headed up to some Overlook restaurant and had a white wine, and, you know, I probably should have had Porto, but whatever. I think you guys know my deal at this point. The history behind Porto becoming this big of a product is that if you pick, like, England and France at war, pick one. But in this one in particular, late 1600s, there's no wine, because, again, they're at war with France. The best winemakers in the world. And English merchants are like, we need to figure out some booze. And they're like, hey, we got good relationships with the Portuguese, so why don't we head down there and get some ships? So they get on the ships, they check it out. People of Portugal are like, hey, we've got this wine, Porto. You know, they probably just pulled right into this river. And when you look at the topography of this whole setup, like, it just always, you know, again, we're all explorers, but thank God there's no NFL back then, because I've said for, like, 20 years, the NFL is clearly going to just try to have, like, a game on every single night and not care. And I guess, look, if you're trying to expand your business, go ahead. I'm not going to do an NFL rant right now. But the whole point is, like, if there were NFL games Or the tournament or something. Like, I don't.

Just don't.

I don't even know how much land would continue to be undiscovered. But luckily there wasn't back then. So guys were like, let's get my boat and try to find some more booze. They found Porto and they were in. We'll do a full order. The Dom Lewis Bridge, which was built in 1881. It's a pedestrian and metro bridge. So there is a train, there's two trains, different tracks, obviously in and out, that are going on behind you. You kind of think somebody's going to get hit by a train every five minutes because it's such a tourist attraction. But warranted. It's so beautiful up there, but there's a million people and you gotta just. I mean, the train, you know, makes a noise if it's gonna hit somebody and it'd be like, get out of the way. But there's just a lot of activity up there. And then on the Porto side of the river, it's called Riberia Square. There's just bars, music, restaurants, the whole thing. But again, like I said, the bridge is packed. But don't let that one deter you from. Don't like walk towards it and be like, oh my God, there's all. There's a million people there for a good reason. Because it's that sick. So the plan today is a quick workout and then just museum me. Different gym. This one was in a mall. Same, same brand of gym, but I just decided to go to like a different one. The shorts thing is just freaking people out left and right. I maybe just have to remember to pack some joggers or a couple more pairs of pants or something that I can work out in. Not like I cared a ton, but there were some high school kids laughing at me. But I was kind of laughing at them because I'm like, it looks like you guys should be in school. And they were smoking cigarettes and eating fast food. I was like, you know, maybe one day they'll figure it out, but I'm going to go do some, do some work, do some shoulders. So nothing to recap with the gym. Did decide to get a little post gym snack though. Went to this little cafe, got an oj, some bananas, croissant, simple. And then this waffle thing where they were like sugar syrup. And I'm like, you know what? Just leave it plain. They thought I was a fucking alien. And it was so bad that I probably should have. I just didn't want sugar and syrup. All over the thing. But now I kind of understand why they were like this ass. Do you remember that from two years ago that came in here and ate this thing? Little note worth mentioning.

But as I was leaving, underdressed, it's

the first time I'd seen anybody else also underdressed. A woman. Yoga pants, sports bra, post workout, little sweaty, but shifts in the night. I was leaving and she was sitting down ready to get the order. And it does cross your mind. You're like, can I interest you in 205 reps overhead or some landscapes? Because I'm about to check out this museum, but didn't do that. So I'm headed over.

I headed over to this museum national,

which is the Solares de Roche. The rich. You know, like I said, I've sort of given up.

It's in a palace in town. I think there's some other more established

spots to check out, but I felt like the real ones would appreciate this one. So heading in, wanted to get right to the Domingos Saqara works. He was born in 1768 in Lisbon. He died in Rome in 1837. He's a pretty interesting story. He has this four part series that is incredible. I think the most popular one is the Adoration of the the Magi, which is essentially the three wise men showing up to the birth of Christ. And the way he has all of these different characters, they're either illuminated based on their importance or the focus that he's trying to bring you to the certain parts of the story that he's trying to tell in these paintings. It's like another fucking level, man. I mean, granted, anytime you're going to these museums, there just again, wasn't a ton to talk about. So religion is a huge part of it. Unlike unless they just went straight landscapes or portraits. But anytime you're using these like multiple character paintings to depict these moments in history. And so much of it, almost all of it is somewhat influenced by religion.

I was more of a fan of

the Descent from the Cross. It's way more depressing, obviously, as opposed to the birth of Christ. But there's just something about it. The way he uses light to really. It's like a much darker painting, but it uses light in a really specific way to highlight like the people that you're supposed to be paying attention to. Kind of this idea of like the hope in one and the sorrow of the other. I'm not going to pretend that I really know what's going on or that I know what I'm talking About. But I looked it up, I liked it, I enjoyed it, and I'm sharing it with you.

So his family, on tough times after

his death, sold his paintings. And there's also in the museum, the hand sketchings of these works. So he just outlined it all with sketches and then did the actual paintings. And the sketches themselves are on display, and they're insane. But all of this stuff had been sold. And there was a public campaign, really not that long ago to raise money and to get them back into Portugal. And the public raised over $600,000. Now, there is some controversy with Sicaro,

where he, during French occupation that started

in 1807 of Portugal, and this is also connecting to one of the Portugal's. Well, I would say the royalty of Portugal, Portuguese royalty, whatever you want to use, fled to Brazil. French officers kind of take over, right? But there was this one French officer, the Count of Forbin, who was also a painter and was like, I paint too. And they're like, dude, Sicara, this guy's the fucking man. So they gave him a protective order and then commissioned him to do paintings

for the French during essentially their occupation.

And there's this one painting called Protecting the City of Lisbon, which is essentially, I think, Forbin, a French soldier who's guiding this young woman. And the whole painting is supposed to represent. She represents Lisbon. He's this French soldier, and he's like guiding her with these angelic images of what French occupation means, which is essentially

just an allegory for, hey, this is good. It was not well received by the people of Portugal.

They're like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

He's our guy.

And he's painting these propaganda paintings for French soldiers because they have common interests.

So he was jailed.

He did work with other people.

He rehabbed his image a bit, but

he also was exiled later on. But that doesn't really have anything to do with this. But it is fair to say that his later work and his standing in history has rehabilitated his legacy. So you can imagine at the time that probably wasn't going to go over well. But I feel like it's more of a footnote for him because of how admired and revered he was and ended up Paris, Italy, another guy, Enrique Pusseau, which I'm not sure about that.

1859, 1884. He died at 25 of tuberculosis.

He moved to Italy. He was in Paris then. They said, you should move to a warmer climate. So he moved to kind of like mid Italy. He died from this illness, but he did Spend some time out in Capri island, guy. So I can respect the hell out of that.

And it's kind of interesting, like these different portraits that he would do of

different faces of women. And it was usually like younger women or younger men. Well, I should say boys. Even this face, it's almost similar. Even though it's like different characters that he's painting, there's a lot of similarities. Like in the face that is almost like a go to. There's one painting called Awaiting Success, which when you see it, you'll go, okay, there's something going on here. So basically it's this described as a young mischievous boy who is posing for his portrait.

But instead of just the portrait, it's

during a moment when he's taking a break and then he reveals that while he was having his portrait done, the boy in the painting was actually doing a sketch of the artist that's doing the portrait.

Right.

I mean, you want.

It's like kid A type shit.

Where other bands, when Kid A came out, they were like, what's the fucking point of even having a band? I imagine other painters, when they saw this stuff, they were like, okay, so, you know, the rest of us are over here painting trees in a bridge and maybe doing a portrait of some old lady. And this guy's doing like, he's breaking down the wall of like, hey, I'm going to do a portrait, but it's also going to be like something happening in it. And then the sketch is like a boy's sketch of the artist. So it's not as good on purpose. So, yeah, again, I could just imagine they're like, so you did it again?

I'm a paintings over sculptures guy. I've noticed there's a lot of sculptures in here.

And sure you appreciate it, but I kind of power through those a lot quicker than the paintings. There's also some gold from 900 BC,

which I think should just be a

bigger deal in general. But I don't know what to do. I was thinking about it as I was looking. I was like, wait, how old is this? That's just behind the glass. And I was in this weird section of the museum that was kind of closed off and there was no one else in there. So of course, once I went in there, the guard just came over and watched me the entire time. Maybe it's the shorts, but I don't really blame them because I would think, shouldn't something this old be a bigger deal? And then you kind of think, like, what am I supposed to do no stare with more intensity. Be moved right now. So, you know, look, I checked it out.

Hey, super old gold.

Moving on. Walking over to the next museum, I

did notice that it just feels like in Porto there's more people than Lisbon.

I don't know if that's even true, because from a population standpoint, I don't think it is, but I think there's maybe just more businesses. And day to day, like, just the business district or where I was walking. Not to say it feels like San Francisco because of the hills, but, like, there's just different cities where there feels like there's much more activity going on in Porto during the day. And who knows? It could just be that I was in Lisbon on these days as opposed to the days that I'm in Porto. So just something that stood out. But we headed over to Casa de Infante, which is House of the Prince. We're back in the Riberia district.

This is the birthplace of our guy,

Henry the Navigator, who was born in 1394. It's not 100% confirmed that he was born here, but if you're naming the

place after him, probably some pretty good clues. The museum. I was way too fired up about

this one because it's right back on the river. Henry the Navigator, Customs House, that kind of stuff. The museum's fine. It's not great.

It was built in 1325. Originally, it was these two towers.

It was this customs house. It was also a mint. Also learning about coinage. The reason we have edges on coins, I thought it was because of vending machines and blind people. But people used to shave off the edges of flat coins before we had edges on them. So they would just shave just little pieces of the metal, and they would keep doing it over and over again. And then eventually you'd melt that down, and then you would have a coin if you just kept shaving off of it. So a little history for you there. The house itself has been rebuilt, destroyed, rebuilt. And it was, I guess, revitalized in the 90s, 1990s.

The story behind it, too, is kind of all over.

I've read a few different things on it. I'm not 100% on this, but apparently, like, one story is that there is this bishop in this side, on the side of, you know, the Porto side of the river, where he was basically paid all these taxes on any imported goods. And then I guess another guy just said, well, what if I build something right next to the river where all the goods come in? Build this customs house.

I imagine they were all sort of in on it.

But, yeah, it's right on the docks and it's right there. And then you can see where there's all of this area that's exposed, that even maybe before 1325, that there was a lot of Roman influence because there's this flooring that predates even this. And so it may have just been this place that was constantly, like, housing wealthy, important people. And that's why Henry the Navigator would have been born there at the time.

The museum itself, there's some really interesting

stuff on the colonization of Brazil, which

mirrors a lot of what our history

here is in the United States. The motivations, the execution behind the whole thing.

Back to the Henry the Navigator part

of it, though, heads down to Morocco. Reading about that invasion is pretty fascinating because it sounds like they just got off some boats and they were like, hey, like, we're here. And then they would, like, plunder. It was like 20 guys.

I just feel like some of the

stuff that's recorded in history, like, why is that getting a Wikipedia entry when it was like 20 dudes? But whatever, this stuff held up, just not a ton of stuff happening to distract you from it.

He also, Henry the Navigator, developed a much lighter boat because a lot of

these cargo ships they were trying to sail around all the time were so dependent on wind. And he developed a much smaller, lighter boat that wasn't as dependent on wind, that could sail into the wind. And he's also credited with perfecting the turn of the sea, which is heading

more towards heading out.

Let's say you're heading west with easterly winds towards the equator. And then when you're coming back to Europe, using those westerly winds in the mid Atlantic to come back. So turn of the sea is. It's not attributed to him as if he yelled it one day, but he is credited with perfecting it with all of his exploration and all the stuff that he was doing back then. So back on the Riberia, we get some music, people having wine, families, kids running, photos. Just kind of a fun little area.

Beatles songs.

It's always the Beatles wherever you go. I imagine in 200 years, there's going to be a guy with a guitar out there with a. Well, probably. I don't know, it'll be Instagram then. But you understand what I'm saying, hey, take a QR code of this and leave me five bucks if you want, or something like that. But it's always Beatles songs.

So I

did go back up to the Don Luis Bridge, took some Photos for the sunset. There was a bit of a gondola mistake. I wouldn't call it a gondola, but it's essentially a gondola where the walk up the stairs and all these different ways that you can go from the. The river section right up back in the main part of Porto. Like, it's a. It's a. It's an incline. All right. So not a huge deal. You know, we're still doing legs over here.

But I was like, well, whatever, just

for the sake of it, like if it's going to take two minutes as opposed to 20 minutes, I'll just jump on this thing. And I was like, wow, I guess there's no line for this. I'm like, look at these people in Porto. How fit motivator to these people. And so I walked through the glass doors and then I walked onto the gondola and then a person came out and it suit and a hat, not a gun or anything, but they were like, essentially, what the fuck are you doing? There's a whole office behind us where there's 30 people waiting and buying tickets. And I was like, oh, I guess I'll walk. So I walked kind of as a punishment.

So back to the hotel and I'm

convinced or I just been determined to go out one night for the sake of the pod. So I looked up some places and I found this stretch of bars. It was basically, you know, like, okay, there's this one. It kind of reminds me like the alley in Boston or who knows, I may have gone to the place. It's like, you're still going into the alley, dude, what's wrong with you? I may have gone to the equivalent of that in Porto. And the difference is, well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what the alley's doing in the middle of the week, but it's dead.

Absolutely dead.

Like no one places that are. Well, the first place I went to that I researched was closed. The next place that I went to, not because I had researched a bar named Born to be Wild, but I'm like, you know, maybe there's some Skynyrd or something. Walked in, looked around, u turned. I mean, there's nothing, there's no one in any of these places. And I was like, what is going on? Because there's a million people walking around during the day, but nothing going on at night. As I made my way down this sort of alley of bars and nightclubs, did get offered coke again, which, you know, still got it. So that felt Good. And then looked up a different spot, a jazz bar, and ordered an Uber. Uber driver, a little bit younger than me, perfect English, asked me what I did, told him I worked in sports. And then we started talking about EA Sports. And he said, Pavel Bure. And I was like, yeah, he's fucking unbelievable. Are you kidding me? I was like, so wait, you were playing 94? He's like, yeah, we played 94 in, like, the early 2000s because it was the only video game we had. He's like, I love followbeer. And I was like, dude, I don't. I don't blame you. I'm like, that line was just filthy back in the day. I did like McGilney a lot though, too.

So I went to this jazz club.

I did tell him about being offered Coke. He was really upset about it. He was like, you know, you're a tourist, you come here from America, and that's going to be experience you're going to have with you forever.

I'm like, well, I'll probably do some

other stuff too, so don't worry. I saw handball this week, so don't get too down on yours. I didn't see any waves, but I saw a handball.

So I made it over to this jazz club that I researched on my

phone, and then I walked in after I got dropped off, and the lady was like, you don't have tickets? And I was like, no. She's like, yeah, it's all tickets. We're a business. And I was like, okay. Well, yeah, I mean, some places you just show up and you listen to music. Other places, you pre order the ticket or buy it ahead of time. Totally get it, no problem. She's like, wait, are you just by yourself? I was like, I am. She's like, I may have something for you. She's like, come back in 15 minutes. And I was kind of in this more like suburb area. So I was like, all right, maybe there's a place I can go across the street and grab a beer or something. And I heard like a few strums of the acoustic guitar through the pa, so I couldn't see anything because it was downstairs. And I heard like the few strums and I went, I'm not even going to like this. I don't know what it was. It was kind of like some acoustic R and B, you know? You're like, can I get a little John Cicada? No. So I was like, you know what? I don't even want to listen to this. So now I'm A little like, what is going on? And I look up one other place and I take the Uber over. I asked that driver, I'm like, how is everything dead? He's like, well, it's been Carnival for, like, a week and a half. And he's like. And it's Thursday, and then the weekend's coming around, so people just kind of had enough of going out. He's like, even the people of Portugal. So he's like, you hit it on. This is like an absurdly dead night. And this is the night. And I was like, all right, yeah, that makes sense. I don't know how many people go out New Year's Day night, so I don't know how to pronounce this at all. But there's this chapel in Porto, this

old, old chapel that's converted to a

wine bar, and it's called Capella Incomum.

I don't know.

You're just gonna have to. You're gonna look that one up. I N C O M U M. It was unbelievable. It's one of the coolest places I've ever been to. Sit down. She asked me. She's super into it. You know how those wine people are. And there's, like, little food and stuff, and then there's like, a shop on the other side.

But they take you, like, inside of

this old chapel and you sit down, and then there's maybe like, eight tables and table to myself. And I said, hey, I like Saav. And she's like, I got you. I don't know what it was. It was white wine. It was terrific. And it was one of those experiences

where it's like, this is why you

lift all those weights. This is why you put the time in. You read the books, you book the flight, these little moments, places like this. So one glass of that. And now back at the hotel, did throw on the TV with the Olympics going on, but did catch the final, the world Championship final of women's netball, which, again, remember, we thought it was dick ball when I was in New Zealand, because I couldn't understand what the hell the guy was saying. Netball is if someone got together and

said, hey, what if we take basketball

and we make it so much worse?

That sport sucks.

It's so pointless. I don't. I'm, like, trying to think of, like, what the equivalent would be, because it doesn't really make any sense.

It doesn't look as, like, why would you play that instead of basketball?

Whatever.

So watch that.

And then there was the bottle of tawny port Looking at me, and I

was like, I have to.

So I took a sip and it is so sweet. It's just not going to work. It's not going to work for this guy. But I'll end on this because I was watching. I was watching tv. I just got done watching tv. I'm going to go to bed here. But there was. There was this carnival TV show, right? So they're all dressed up in, like, different stuff, kind of like costumes. Like somebody kind of like when I was talking about Pinochet, like, people can be in a cowboy outfit. Someone can be dressed as, like, a monster. You know, it's all, you do whatever you want, right? I mean, it's kind of like Halloween, I guess. And there was this woman, and she.

I couldn't stop watching her sing.

And she wasn't singing as much as she was, like, yelling.

But she had a powerful, powerful voice.

I don't know how to call her a tenor, you know? And then she was kind of like. I don't think it was like a battle rap thing, but she was going back up against this guy who was wearing a cow suit, so he had udders on the front of him. And there was like, judges. So it was kind of like the Voice, but again, I don't understand what anybody was saying. There was a live band playing, and they went back and forth, and this song went on forever. And at first I was like, I think I hate this song. Doesn't make any sense. And then I realized I couldn't stop. I couldn't change a channel. And then I was like, wait a minute.

Attracted to her.

And I was like, I don't think I am.

And she had braces.

And I was thinking about that. I'm like, you know, here's a woman just banging out a 10 minute. I imagine this song is. I don't even know what the song is, but. And she's got braces. And I thought, you know what you could do? You meet a girl with braces, though, you're meeting somebody who's prioritizing self improvement. So it's something to think about.

Portugal, the final installment. I am in Lisbon. I'm back in Lisbon. I'm back at the one hotel where I started this entire thing.

We can get into some of those details a little bit later and why

I'm here and how the day went and summarize this entire trip. So it's about 10 o'. Clock. My flight is in 12 hours. I've mapped it out. I even picked out my outfit for

Tomorrow, look at me.

And I think I'm good.

Just getting up at 7 and then getting over to the air portion to go too long. The three hour thing, I don't know that I'm going to respect it over here. We'll see.

That's been fine most of the time,

except for that one time.

So I'll admit this morning I felt a little guilty because I woke up in Porto and I was like, all right, you've got the car, you've got to drive back to Lisbon. It takes three and a half hours. If you're on it, you could probably do one more museum, or you could head out to the park by the coast and then go see the beach. That means you've either got to not work out or not have breakfast, which is fine. And then I'm like, all right, you know what I go. If I go all the way out there and I was looking at traffic, it's like 30 minutes to where I want to go. Walk around 30 minutes back. I'm like, best case scenario, it's two hours. That's best case because I'm probably going to want to eat on top of everything else. And even though Porto's just so overwhelming because you just feel like there's so much and you need more than two days, but at least I feel like

I got a sense of the place a little bit.

It was kind of this battle of spend more time here and then know

that you're going to pay for that

on the back end of Lisbon. I'm like, you know what I don't want to do is drive it in Lisbon at night on a Friday and then figure out which hotel I'm going to get and then have to coordinate with the rental guys. I think I'm supposed to be back by 6 o'. Clock. And then it also sort of burns

the Lisbon night out, even though I'd

already spent a couple nights here. But I'm pretty happy with the way the whole thing shook out. And what was I going to do? Like see a sixth beach that I was going to jump in the water and because it was even colder in Porto today than I think any single day on this entire trip. People were bundled up. I wore pants though, so you'd be proud of me. All right, so three and a half hours, that's the plan. To Porto, from Porto to Lisbon. But I was going to stop at Aveiro because I left my AirPods at the hotel. I can see them on the Find My Thing. I may call them and say, can you send them back to me in the States. But I just knew once I got on the highway, it's like, you're not going to drive into this town for the AirPods. We'll see.

You know what? May have to, as Kyle says, charge it to the game.

So here's the thing. This storm that I've referenced now multiple times, not the earthquake of 1755, look that one up. If you want to see Lisbon earthquake, fires and tsunamis all the same time. Imagine the town meeting after that shit run like, all right, the gods, like, we're going to start doing something different here. You know, you'd be able to just, if you were really on top of

things and influential in the town, you could just step right in and be like, all right, you know what? I've been thinking about it, like, I'm

going to be the leader now.

Here's what the gods are telling me. And I'm going to start sleeping with all your wives. That's what the God said.

Look, that'd be mean, especially after an earthquake. But 1755, it got rough. So these storms, not 1755, but what, what is just a culmination of all of these three. Like, again, I mentioned the three and Kristen last week is the huge one. I've got people telling me we're up to like six storms in the past couple weeks. And this is part of the challenging part of today is that you're driving on a highway and it's pretty simple. Like, hey, the ocean's to your right, you're driving south. But it really sucks when you're a foreigner and you're on the highway in Portugal and the road is fucking closed. The highway, it's like, get off. The sign's all in Portuguese. The only thing I could read was like, find alternative routes. You're like, fuck it, find alternative routes. Can you imagine? Pre gps again, shout out to the atlases. I feel terrible for Rand McNally. Imagine that family. They're probably, they don't summer on the Cape anymore. They're probably in Fall River. So anyway, atlas stocks never coming back. The GPS double checking things a little bit because then you would see and then you'd get off in the exit and you'd see all these fucking looping circles and you're like, how bad is

this going to be? And then it's like, estimated time you

went from 245 to, oh, great, now it's 320 away. So that happened twice. So again, it actually worked out that I left Porto, even though I felt incredibly guilty that I was like, you should try to fit one more cultural thing in here. Even though I think I did a pretty good job on the last day. So then I had to get gas, which should seem pretty simple. We've all gotten gas before. And you pull up to the pump and you're like, all right, you know what I don't want to do? I don't be the guy that puts fucking diesel in the car. And all four of them say, gasoline, gasoline, gasoline, gasoline. Now I go into the front. The lady looked like Large Marge. She was already pre bummed out with me before I even stepped foot in the fucking gas station. And I knew not to even ask to use the bathroom. And I was like, hey.

And she's like, no, no.

Gasoline, gasoline.

And then she was like.

And then, gasoline, gasoline. And I was like, oh, now I get it. No problem. So I go back out, and I was like, too embarrassed to go. I don't fucking get it. And again, the thing is, is you get away from any of the coastal towns. And like, my theater guy told me when I visited the theater, he's like, anyone over 40, like, they don't really speak English. And again, it's very obvious. Any place I've ever traveled, as soon as you're outside of the major hub, the major city, expect that almost no

one's going to understand you unless you find somebody younger.

So she didn't understand me. I understood only her frustration. We didn't need words. And so then I go back out of the pump, and I'm putting the card in, the whole thing and whatever. And then she comes outside and she's

like, don't do that. I'm like, look, I don't even know what it. Like, I haven't started fucking it up yet.

And then, of course, she's like, do

you know your credit card pin? I'm like, nobody knows those.

So anyway, they opened the pump up, and then I had to go and pay afterwards, but I actually had to find a guy next to me.

I go, hey, I don't.

Do you speak English?

I was like, I don't want to

fuck this up, but. And he's like, those two are diesel.

I was like, yeah, because it's like

87, 89, 93, or 91 and 95.

I was like. So he's like, the green is always gas in Portugal.

That might be everywhere in Europe.

I'm not 100% sure about that, but

I don't remember having that much of

an issue with it before.

So look, we get some gas in there, we're good to go. Pull into town four plus hours. And as I'm coming into Lisbon, where I ended up having to get on an entirely different highway.

So I didn't come in the way I got out of town. So it was completely unfamiliar.

And then it's Friday evening, sunset, Lisbon, restaurants, traffic. So as busy as it felt like, Porto was day to day, just people walking around. More so than Lisbon.

The first two days I was in

Lisbon, this was now the full version again of the off season of Lisbon, where you would have thought it was peak season. The number of people running around. And I'm telling you, they fucking sprint across the street in front of you. If you have a green and they have a red on the crosswalk, but they think they have a gap, they're going. And by the way, if you do that, if you cross the street when you're not supposed to, nobody slows down for you. The scooters, the bikes, the food delivery guys, the bird lime type scooters, not just the cool fancy Italian ones where you smoke cigarettes on. It's fucking chaos. And it's. Look, I've been driving all week. It's never been an issue. And I knew. Just imagine driving into New York City like the first time ever. But honestly, like once you kind of get the New York City thing down, it's not even that bad. You just go, hey, do I escape to the west side highway or do I get to the East? You know, this is, this is more chaotic because you don't cross the street in New York City. You don't around, you know, not to. I mean, I know the bikes are

a pain in the ass and everything,

but this was like head on a swivel on top of everything else. Is that when we have red lights at intersections in the States, they usually have the stop line far enough away that it's. It's not that difficult. So like I'm sort of easing into it a little. And then I'm realizing, like, you better get your fucking toes on the line there. Even though there's people right there. And then you're kind of like looking up, trying to figure out where the fucking light is when it turns green. If you have P1, if you have

lead position, which I had a few times.

There was also another incident at a rotary.

I don't know that I want to mention this, but I'm just going to.

Full disclosure, I'm drinking my yeti ice water on the ride down, staying hydrated. And of course, the cap falls underneath my feet on the two pedals, and I'm like, if that's on the brake,

that's going to be a problem.

So I'm like, kicking underneath the brake and getting it clear, but I can't find this fucking cap. So now it's just driving me crazy. Then I'm like, there's a loose yeti cap down there somewhere, and it's probably underneath the gas pedal, and who knows

what's going to happen?

Rotary traffic. Standstill backs up. I'm reaching down, pulling every muscle in my right lat, trying to get this fucking yeti cap out from behind the gas pedal because I can't kick it

out, because then I'm afraid I'm going

to slam on the gas accidentally. And when I go to throw it in park, I lean down and thank God I fucking noticed I had it in reverse as there was fully stopped traffic and there was enough room between me and the guy behind me. He didn't honk. I didn't hear any sensors, but it was like a quick fix of something feels wrong. Like, I don't feel still. And I was in reverse, not park, because the whole gear selection thing on this Peugeot, you guys. Well, this whole up, down, dial thing,

it doesn't really work.

You got to go down to go up, you know? All right. So that was because I was so close to Lisbon, and I'm like, imagine if you do this. So it actually did not deter me at all from a little bit later on. I'm right next to the hotel. It's like four minutes on the gps. I know exactly turns.

I know these roads now. I'm like, all right, this is good.

And then when you're in these promenades with all these people in this public area, just like, fuck if you end up, like, on this side. So I ended up on the wrong side, but luckily had a stoplight.

And I go.

If I go the way now, it's telling me I have to go. I have to go, like, all the way down to the port and then go across and then come all the way back up.

I'm like, it's going to be another 15 minutes.

And then I saw my lane, I saw my move. I go, you know what?

I don't think anybody respects the tuk

tuks, those little carts with the little fucking things over them, the canopies. The guy sits on the front. Maybe you can go four or five deep in the tuk tuk.

I was like, they got a lot of room over There I'm like, I don't fucking care.

James Bond it right past the tuk tuks real quick, back onto the main drag where I needed to be, and

then, boom, at the hotel in four minutes.

And as I walked in back at the one hotel, the checks, the rate,

yes, it was a little expensive on a Friday night, but I'm here, I

know what I'm doing. Everything's just very comfortable. That's why I wanted to be here again. I rolled in, too. My guys were fired up. Drop a couple tenors at a hotel, man, you come back, you're a fucking goddamn hero. And, I mean, there were people checking

in the rooms, being like, who's this guy? Like, who's this guy? He heard some of these Hornet segments we've been doing,

so they're like, hey, we'll get you in, whatever. I was like, give me the worst possible room.

I'm barely going to be here. I already don't want to spend as much money as I know that's going to cost. And the car rental guy was like,

hey, I just saw you pull that move. And I was like, oh, the tuk Tuks.

And he's like, yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah? And I'm giving him his car back. I was like, yeah, sorry about that. He's like, no, it was a great move. He said it with an awesome Portuguese accent. And the guy next to him was like, that was good, because I think

you have to do that kind of shit here. So, like, in a very short span of time, I went from almost fucking

it up to then. I was like, I'm just taking over.

So that's what you need sometimes in life. All right, so as soon as I get to the hotel, I could have just lay down on the bed, watch some Olympics, some of these movies. I kind of like the news, even though I can't understand it. But I was like, look, you got a few more hours here. Keep going. Do it for yourself. Do it for your people, whatever the fuck that means.

I just said that out loud.

I don't even like it. But whatever. We'll just keep rolling here. Make the most of this Lisbon experience. And I am so happy that I did. As I walked down from the hotel, went right to the water. It's really probably the first clear time that I've been in Lisbon and I'd heard about this sunset and I've seen some sunsets. Manemption, anyone? Manhattan Beach. I get some guys yelling outside in the terrace.

It's all right. I think we'll be fine.

This sunset in Lisbon is an all timer. So Lisbon has a bridge that connects over the Sea of Straw to the south of Lisbon. Another whole area that I never had

time to experience because that's always kind of dumb.

It's like you get to Lisbon and

be like, all right, cool, let me take an Uber. 45 minutes away over there. It's like, no, man, you're only here a couple days. You only got so much stuff to do.

So the sea of straw. Again, the reason Lisbon exists is because it's just this perfectly executed topography to have this massive bay. Although I guess it's not really as

deep as they'd like it, but I think it's a. You know, I wasn't able to meet

with the longshoremen's union on this trip. So. The Sea of Straw is called such because it has a golden, shimmering appearance at sunrise and sunset that reminds you of the color of straw.

I'm like, this can't be real. It's probably just one guy. Too much port one night.

And it's totally true. The sun drops right behind the bridge that connects you across the Sea of

Straw to the southern part.

And the city is behind you. This rolling. Now there's a main section of Lisbon, this slow rise that feels generally flat walking around. And then it's hilly on both sides

and it just kind of keeps going forever.

But the way this sunset hits is one of the best things I've ever seen. I can't imagine what that sunset scene is like.

I don't know what angle it's at in the summer in comparison to the way it hits, but it's.

The sun is going down right to the right of like, where the bridge is connected to the Lisbon side.

It's almost like the sun is supposed to be there. If you take the most perfect picture

or you were to paint it instead of like directly over and the sun is taking away. The sun is taking away at the center. It's like perfectly situated in relation to the bridge and the first support and the way the town cuts off into the water. It was unbelievable. So as I'm walking down there, there's this other section of Lisbon called Alfama, which I wanted to see, but I couldn't make it over there the first couple days. Well, I could have made it the top priority, but I didn't. So I'm walking over. For whatever reason, it just disappeared on my phone. And I looked at this part. I'd researched it a little bit. I guess there's Some massive flea market that's going on. I'm not going to make it. And I go, all right, let me just keep walking. I'll just keep walking along the coast. And then when I get to where I think looks like a cool part of this neighborhood, I'll try it out. And as old as all the streets in Porto are, and as old as the places in Lisbon can be, this is now another step of going back in time. It's right beneath this saints church where there's a road. You actually drive, like, underneath the church, which I did a little bit later. The cathedral, the castle, all this stuff. So it's this really hilly section, and it's got that cool feel to it. Maybe, like, if you're from Connecticut, you started going to the meatpacking district, and it probably meant it was like, already three years too late, but you thought it was cool. And you were telling people, like, this

is kind of where it's at now. Which meant if you were in Connecticut,

you like, it was already done if

we were talking about it.

But it's just. It's like even more so than like the north end of Austin. It's like, it's look, I mean, it's hundreds and hundreds of years older than the stuff that we're seeing in any of the northeast cities in the states. And so the streets can barely fit one car. They're not just one way streets. They can barely fit one car. And it's kind of this zigzagging hairpin thing. You work your way up.

And then sometimes the roads will put

up a temporary barrier that closes it off at night, so you can't even walk up it. So I'm walking through and I'm trying to avoid, like, all right, what? Place looks like it's totally full of shit. And they just serve beers and people smoke cigarettes and the food is fucking garbage. Because I was thinking about going to the place right next to the hotel again, which I did write down the name for you.

For those of you that care about this kind of stuff.

I don't know that we'll ever, ever max or outdo, I should say the Vandal Mallorca Experience.

I just don't know that that can ever be topped.

But the awesome restaurant from the first big night in Lisbon was Solar Dos Presentos.

So I was like, you know what?

I know the place, I know the menu, I know the owner, fucking met him. I'll just go there, pig out, go to bed, the whole thing. And then once I was over to Alfama, I go, yeah, I've got to be able to find something here. If this is this other known place in Lisbon, this historic place that everybody's

like, you have to check it out. You have to check it out, then

I should be able to find something. And as I'm working my ways up the hills, and I'm thinking, you should

have just gone back to the fucking room.

You're tired.

Throwing some James Bond. You drove like him today.

Just keep working, man. Keep lifting all those weights.

And I start working, and it's getting

higher, and I'm getting tired. I'm feeling my calves.

I'm feeling my Achilles.

And then I look and I see just this perfect awning.

I was like, that awning looks pretty promising.

And then

I see a bunch of people sitting inside where a lot of these restaurants in these amazing spots are like, hey, how come no one's there?

And people are begging me to come in.

This place wasn't doing any begging.

I looked at the staff. I looked at the chef, a female. I looked at the menu. They don't have one. They said, we only have six dishes tonight. We'll tell you when you sit down. I'm like, what the fuck? And they're like, we're all handmade pasta. We have very limited dishes because we

just want to get the ones that we make right.

I'm like, in.

Let's go.

And the fact they only had eight tables and there are people sitting at, like, five of them, and every other place was dead. And I just like the awning. I'm a sucker for a good awning. Like, these guys look like they're putting some fucking investment into what the taste is here. They're not just showing me pictures of fucking hot dog steaks and pizzas and hoping they're just going to hammer enough super box that they'll cover this month's nut Sola Rosa handmade pasta. They had cacia pepe. They had a ragu with fettuccine. They had two other pastas that I didn't care about. Well, they all look good, but I was like, all right, give me the ragu. Fettuccine, ground beef, crushed tomatoes. Simple, simple, simple. The only other things they had is two different focaccias, also aka known as focaccia. Chris McGurk, Nantucket. 94, 95, 95. Dude, we got a.

We could.

We can do some Sam Adams and some focaccias. We make fresh in house. So no. So focaccia, they had two different kinds. I was like, Give me the tomato one. But those sneaky bastards, they snuck in some anchovy ground up into the tomato paste that they put on. Focaccia should not be crispy. It should be dense and wet to the touch. Almost like a great. A great bite into a cake.

I comboed the words there for a little bit.

It was just perfect. It was perfect. Smashed the fettuccine, ate all of the sardine paste, tomato paste, focaccia, which normally wouldn't actually do, had a nice little glass of Italian white wine and finished it off with a bottle of Pellegrino just to keep the stomach bubbly. It was unbelievable. And it's those moments. It's those moments where you're like, some of these meals are going to suck. Some of the hotels aren't going to necessarily work out. Sometimes you're going to get stuck in traffic, sometimes you're going to get lost. Sometimes you're going to stay at a fucking castle that was a church, It's a monastery. That was a jail that also might be haunted. And it's going to be 890 a night because you're a fucking idiot. With the way you sorted the hotel app, these things will happen to you or there'll be no fucking waves and you'll go, why didn't I just go to Argentina? Why don't I just go on a vacation? I know I didn't go back to Jamaica for my. I want to do it one more time as an adult who's not worried about the tab. But I also don't want to go during spring break.

So that's why I didn't go there.

But look, it was just perfect. Shoot back through town, get back to the hotel, and there actually is an eagle. That. There's like an eagle guy. I don't know if you remember that SNL skit, the Falconer. There's a guy here that.

I don't think it's a falcon. I think it's an eagle.

But when I checked in the first

time around, the guide said, yeah, you

can see our eagle at the bar outside of the terrace.

And I just assumed. I'm like, well, I don't know what

the fuck that means.

I think he's speaking English.

But see an eagle outside. Then I was like, is he fucking with me or whatever? No, he wasn't.

That's part of the attraction at this hotel. There's an eagle guy. I don't know what his hours are. That's probably up to the eagle.

So I walked by the bar And I was like, can I get a thing of ice? And the lady said, do you want two glasses? And I said, no, I'm sleeping alone tonight.

I don't have any company.

I don't need any company because I have the people of Portugal. And that's probably my favorite part of this trip, is I don't normally get real talkative with people. In some places they don't want you

to be talkative with them.

But there's just something about these people where there's this pride, but it's not annoying, it's specific. They fucking love this place. And whether it was,

I don't know,

the Uber driver one night that asked me about sports and I said, you

know, I cover sports.

And he wanted to talk about Keda on the Celtics Kata was brought up by like four different Uber drivers.

And he was like, you know, hey,

once we started talking basketball and it was like, I don't know much about basketball. Or one guy was like, I didn't care about basketball until Keita started playing the Pride of Portugal. There was another guy that started talking about hockey. He goes, I like hockey more than basketball. I feel bad about that, but I love hockey because I love Pavel Bure.

And I was like, what?

He goes, yeah, I played with him

on the video game.

I'm like, wait, how old are you? And he said, I'm 40. I was like, so you played Sega 94 when you were 10, weren't you? He goes, I still play Sega 94 because I like to try to figure out a way to mix up the lines. He's like, but Pavel's just so fast. I'm like, jesus Christ, you're speaking my 18 year old language right now. We started talking about different lines and Gerald Dieter can get him, you know, taking him off of the bench if necessary. The theater guy that I met in Porto who was like, you can buy a ticket, but let me check if there's subtitles. He had braces too. And he said he was the guy that taught me about don't talk to people over 40 in English because it's just not going to work. But we were talking about the theater in. And he was like, you know, he goes, I think you could still get something out of it because I wanted to go see it, right?

I wanted to be super artsy that day. But he's like, I just don't think this play is very good.

I was like, okay. And he's like, I think you're really going to struggle because sometimes you have subtitles the waitress is the tennis club that said absolutely, go to Averro. Thank you. The car rental guy that was all smiles despite me getting dangerous with his deal. The nerd at the surf shop in Nazare, And then Carlos where I ate the pig intestine because I just don't think he wanted to be lonely at my pig lunch.

I wasn't lonely. I was stuffed. Stuffed with pork.

So no, even though I'm taping this now at 10:14, gotta get to bed.

Hopefully the sinus infection goes away at

some point, which we battled through because

we don't get sick on this podcast,

we just get pre better. I never felt alone despite being by

myself because I had the people of Portugal with me.

Sa.