The Sabrina Zohar Show

Episode 150: The BRUTAL Truth About What You Deserve in Love | In The Trenches

Date: July 15, 2025
Host: Sabrina Zohar

Episode Overview

In this AMA “In The Trenches” solo episode, Sabrina Zohar answers listener questions about the realities of modern dating, the complexities of healing from relational wounds, anxious attachment, and how our past often shows up in our present patterns. Sabrina addresses tough and vulnerable topics—like feeling replaceable in early dating, being blindsided by infidelity, struggling to set boundaries in situationships, and navigating dating after sexual assault—with raw honesty and practical advice grounded in self-compassion and inner work.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality of Self-Doubt and Fear (02:25–04:41)

• Sabrina opens up about her own struggles with anxiety and fear, dispelling the myth that any amount of “success” or “healing” makes you immune to doubt.
• Quote:

  “Those are my core beliefs. Those are things that I deal with every day and it doesn’t matter again. You could give me a million dollars tomorrow and I’d be like, ‘Oh, but I’m gonna spend it all.’” (03:29)

• Shares an insight about the brain’s quickness to default to fear (“the amygdala goes there 10–12 times faster than the prefrontal cortex”), emphasizing the legitimacy of overthinking and spiraling as familiar patterns.

2. Listener Question 1: Feeling Replaceable & Invalidated in Early Dating (06:10–12:35)

• Tyler describes a painful experience of being ignored and watching his new partner flirt and exchange numbers at a club, then gaslight him afterwards.
• Sabrina validates Tyler’s hurt, emphasizing the lack of accountability and emotional safety from his date.
• Encourages honest self-inquiry: Is the hurt about THIS person or about a deeper core wound—someone from the past who also invalidated feelings?
• Memorable Moment:

  “If it were me, I’d be running for the house.” (12:13)

• Takeaway:
  Sabrina stresses the importance of not gaslighting yourself, asserting that needing validation and care is not “being dramatic”—it’s human.

3. Listener Question 2: Blindsided as “the Other Person” in an Affair (14:04–18:15)

• A listener (Ronnie) discovers they were unknowingly involved in someone else's affair. After the deception is exposed, they ask if it’s self-betrayal to hope for reconciliation.
• Sabrina drills into what drives this hope, challenging the listener to question their own “story” about the relationship and who the longing is actually connected to.
• Quote:

  “What is it that you want back from this person? Because it doesn’t even sound like they’re remorseful or that they’re even asking for anything from you besides you now creating a space, hoping that they’re gonna still choose you." (17:26)

• Concludes: Looking for someone to “choose you” after betrayal is a form of self-abandonment—the real need is to choose yourself.

4. Listener Question 3: Stuck in a Three-Year Situationship (18:16–23:00)

• A listener admits to recurring hookups with a man who was initially married, left his wife, but keeps her as a secret “side piece,” never taking her out or acknowledging her publicly.
• Sabrina bluntly reframes “I can’t say no” as a choice, not an inability:

  “Your mouth moves. You are choosing to not. And that’s okay, baby. But I am not going to coddle and be like, ‘Yeah, you’re right, you can’t.’ Yes, you can.” (18:43)

• Delves into why we confuse self-worth with being “chosen,” often replaying old wounds from caregivers.
• Introduces “parts work”—learning to dialogue with the inner parts that hold onto hurt or hope of finally being chosen.
• Recommends separating from the story (“There’s a part of me that feels I can’t say no”) to reclaim agency.

5. Listener Question 4: Dating After Sexual Assault and Invisible Injury (20:03–25:38)

• Angie seeks advice on how and when to disclose invisible impairments and trauma from a past assault when dating.
• Sabrina vulnerably shares her own experiences with sexual assault, underscoring empathy and solidarity (“You are a goddamn warrior... You are a survivor”).
• Quote:

  “If the person you’re dating gets spooked or scared because you had an experience in your past that you are moving through... they were never anybody that should ever continue to stay in your life. You deserve somebody who doesn’t fuck.” (25:19)

• Practical advice:
  • You owe no details to anyone early on—share personal information only as trust is built.
  • Disclose limitations relevant to intimacy when appropriate, not the detailed story.
  • Trust is “conditional and built over time.”
  • If a partner responds poorly, it’s a reflection of their readiness, not your worth.

6. Live Dating Profile Audit (26:17–31:19)

• Sabrina reviews “Jacob’s” dating app profile, offering practical feedback to improve his photos and prompts for better engagement.
• Key feedback:
  • Leading photo should be clear and flattering.
  • Profile prompts should invite conversation, reflect depth, not just facts.
  • Include stories/anecdotes (e.g., “my first record was Led Zeppelin IV – because ‘Since I’ve Been Loving You’ is my favorite song…”).
  • Be specific and authentic to differentiate yourself.
  • Group shots and blurry images don’t help; ask friends for candid photos that express genuine warmth and presence.
• Memorable analogy:

  “The best shots are not when you try to pose. They’re the ones in between… It’s kind of like a metaphor for life, isn’t it? It’s not really at the final destinations. It’s what happens in the middle.” (31:03)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On emotional invalidation:

  “There was no accountability, there was no getting curious. There was nothing. It was deflection, it was excuses. ‘Well, sorry I’m so attractive.’ And it’s like, ‘Oh, is that what it was?’” — Sabrina (07:37)

• On healing from core wounds:

  “Who does your little think is talking to him right now? When that person said that, was it a caregiver who didn’t take accountability? Who made it you that was the problem?” — Sabrina (09:50)

• On self-abandonment and waiting to be chosen:

  “When you do come back to you, you’ll start to look at this and go, I deserve better. And you’d be right.” — Sabrina (17:54)

• On boundaries and agency:

  “Yes, you do have choices. Yes, you can make choices for yourself. But we’re fusing to those parts saying, ‘No, I’m just anxious. No, I just can’t do this.’ And it’s like, yes, you can. But we have to get curious and say, well, what are my choices?” — Sabrina (22:58)

• On dating after trauma:

  “You don’t have a scarlet letter. You don’t have to hide who you are and pretend to be something that you’re not. You get to take up space.” — Sabrina (24:25)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:25 – Sabrina’s personal update & how fear dominates our minds
• 06:10 – Listener email: Feeling ignored/flirted on at Pride event
• 12:27 – Sabrina’s advice: On validation and running for the hills
• 14:04 – Listener: Unwitting participant in an affair
• 17:26 – Why longing for the untrustworthy is self-abandonment
• 18:16 – Listener: Three-year situationship, boundaries and agency
• 20:03 – Listener: Dating after sexual assault, disclosure, and trauma
• 24:30 – Sabrina’s own story and validation
• 26:17 – Live dating profile audit: Practical tips for profiles and prompts
• 31:03 – The “in-between moments” metaphor and candid photos

Episode Tone & Closing Thoughts

Sabrina’s language is direct, compassionate, and unabashedly honest. She does not shy away from hard truths, but always lands her advice in the lap of self-worth and possibility. The episode is as much about the questions as the patterns underneath—how we repeat, react, and (if we’re willing) start to heal for ourselves, not just in search for love but in coming home to ourselves.

For more:

• Submit your questions, profiles, or screenshots for future “In The Trenches” episodes at sabrinazohar.com or via show notes.
• Explore Sabrina’s courses and join her online community for deeper support and resources.
• Rate, review, and share the show!

Find Sabrina Zohar:

• Instagram: @thesabrinazoharshow
• TikTok: @sabrina.zohar