The Sabrina Zohar Show

Episode 169: "Why Do I Feel Like I’m Always Struggling?"
Date: October 31, 2025
Host: Sabrina Zohar

Episode Overview

In this vulnerably honest solo episode, Sabrina Zohar dives deep into the universal experience of struggle. Drawing from both personal anecdotes and psychological research, she reassures listeners that feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or "behind" is not only normal—it's a defining part of being human. Sabrina emphasizes that the real illusion is thinking others have it figured out, when in reality, everyone is fighting their own battles, often silently. Through practical tools, science-backed insights, and memorable stories, she encourages radical honesty, self-compassion, and the strength found in community.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. You Are Not Alone in Struggling

• Sabrina opens up about how pervasive the feeling of struggle is among her audience and herself.
• She recalls her own toughest moments: "I always thought everybody else has it normal and everyone else has it figured out but me. I’m the one that’s insane... Everyone else seems to have it figured out but me, so I must be the problem." ([01:41])
• Reframes the notion that even therapists, life coaches, and motivational speakers are often struggling in their own ways.

Quote:

“What if the people you think have cracked the code of life are just better at hiding their breakdowns than you are?” —Sabrina ([03:02])

2. Struggle Is Multi-Faceted

• Struggle isn't just about relationships or dating—it touches work, health, friendships, and all areas of life.
• Sabrina shares personal glimpses into her own routine, emphasizing finding small joys, like skincare routines, to combat daily negativity.

3. The Struggle Paradox & The White Bear Problem

• Introducing psychological research, Sabrina discusses the "struggle paradox": the more you fight negative feelings, the worse they get.
• References the 1987 White Bear problem: “When they were told, don't think of a white bear, people thought about it two times more… Fighting thoughts can amplify them.” ([06:21])
• Advice: Don’t try to stop negative thoughts—get curious about them instead.

4. The Paradox Prescription: Scheduled Obsessing

• Practical tool: Set a timer for 10 minutes a day to allow yourself to fully obsess or spiral about someone or something.
• “When the timer is done... it hits your prefrontal cortex... It gives your brain the processing time it craves.”
• Research: Scheduled worry time can reduce intrusive thoughts by 35%. ([08:32])

5. Acceptance Lowers Distress

• Quoting ACT research (Hayes, 2006): “Accepting difficult emotions reduces their intensity by 50 fucking percent.” ([11:30])
• Emphasizes naming emotions accurately (“I’m feeling anxious” vs. “I’m anxious”) and recognizing healing as learning to co-exist with discomfort, not eradicating it.

6. Hot vs. Cold Brain States: The Knowing/Doing Gap

• Lowenstein (1996): Planning is easy when calm (cold state), but hard to execute when emotional (hot state).
• Suggests “state-dependent planning”—make plans for handling triggers while mildly triggered, improving follow-through by 60% ([14:44]).

7. Ambiguous Loss & Microgrief

• Draws on Pauline Boss’s work to explain why losses like a breakup (especially with continued digital contact) feel so hard: “Your brain can’t properly grieve unclear losses, and that ambiguity keeps you stuck.” ([19:52])
• We experience “micro-losses” daily: the future we imagined, tiny disappointments, missed events.

8. Visibility Bias & The Social Media Distortion

• Sabrina busts the myth that others have it easier with research:
  • People post achievements 5x more than struggles (Pew, 2018),
  • 85% admit to lying about their happiness on LinkedIn (2020).
• “You’re comparing your rough draft to a published book.”
• Stats underline universality: 81% suffer Sunday Scaries, 92% ruminate post-breakup, 73% text their ex within 6 months.

9. Practical Tools for Navigating Struggle

• 72-Hour Reality Check: When urgency to act (like contacting an ex) feels over a 7/10, wait 72 hours—urgency often signals trauma, not true connection.
• Urge Surfing: When tempted to stalk/text an ex, set a 20-minute timer and observe the urge like a wave—most urges fade.
• Body-First Approaches: For overwhelming feelings, use somatic tricks—ice cubes, cold water—for immediate relief.
• Combatting Revenge Bedtime Procrastination: Give yourself guilt-free “me time” earlier in the evening to reduce late-night social media spirals.

10. Vulnerability and Connection

• Sharing struggle creates intimacy and calm:
  • Sharing struggles bonds people 40% faster than sharing positives (vulnerability connection research).
  • Listener stress drops 23% when hearing someone else’s vulnerability.
• Encourages listeners to drop facades for authentic support.

Quote:

“Your struggle doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re a fucking human.” —Sabrina ([32:00])

11. Dispelling Toxic Positivity

• Sabrina calls out the dangers of “just think positive” advice, and influencers who model inauthenticity.
• Advocates for greater discernment about the content we consume, citing recent influencer scandals.

12. Sabrina Gets Real: Personal Vulnerability

• Sabrina shares her own mental health lows: “There are times I wake up going, would it be easier for me not to be here?... It’s really normal for some days for you to be like, dude, I can’t fucking do this.” ([27:26])
• She stresses that we need to normalize struggle—without comparison, minimization, or shame.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Universality of Struggle:

  “Your therapist probably has a therapist. Your life coach is Googling how to get their shit together at 2AM. The motivational speaker you follow just had a panic attack in their Tesla.” ([03:02])

• On Acceptance:

  “Healing means you expand your window of tolerance… It means you accept who the fuck you are and show up authentically.” ([12:19])

• On Comparison:

  “You’re comparing your behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reel, and that’s like comparing your rough draft to a published book.” ([24:00])
  “Compare your today to your yesterday, not to their today. Compare your effort, not your outcomes.” ([25:30])

• On Community & Honesty:

  “Struggling isn’t the problem, hiding it is… The only difference is that some of us have stopped pretending.” ([30:38])

• On What She Needed as a Child—and Offers Now:

  “That’s what my little needed—to feel like you are not struggling alone. As a kid, I thought I was the only one with a fucked up family, the only one struggling. Turns out everybody was, but nobody talked about it.” ([31:50])

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 00:28 | Sabrina introduces the main theme: struggling is common| | 03:02 | “Cracked the code” myth—everyone hides struggles | | 06:21 | The white bear problem & thought suppression | | 08:32 | Paradox Prescription—scheduled obsession tool | | 11:30 | Acceptance: Reduces emotional intensity by 50% | | 14:44 | Hot vs. Cold states—state-dependent planning | | 19:52 | Ambiguous loss—why breakups & microgriefs hurt | | 24:00 | Visibility bias—comparing rough drafts to highlight reels| | 27:26 | Sabrina’s own vulnerability about dark thoughts | | 29:50 | Urge surfing tool & revenge bedtime procrastination | | 32:00 | “Your struggle doesn’t mean you’re broken” |

Tone & Takeaways

Sabrina’s style is honest, unfiltered, and deeply compassionate, peppered with scientific backing but grounded in real talk. She swears, she jokes—she shares her truth, making her audience feel seen and less alone.

Her message: Struggling is normal. Healing isn’t about getting rid of pain, but learning to sit with and move through it. Drop the comparison, connect through truth, and stop fighting what makes you human. You’re not alone—join the family.

Follow the Show:

• Instagram: @sabrina.zohar
• Podcast Instagram: @thesabrinazoharshow
• TikTok: @sabrina.zohar

Closing: Share your struggles in the community—feeling seen helps us all heal.