Podcast Summary: The Sabrina Zohar Show
Episode 178: Do You Need To Be Fully Healed To Date Again?
Date: December 19, 2025
Host: Sabrina Zohar
Overview
This episode tackles the burning question for anyone on a healing journey: “Do you need to be fully healed to date again?” Sabrina Zohar brings her signature no-BS, raw, and relatable style to this nuanced topic, debunking myths perpetuated by “healing culture” and the dating advice industry. She explores the tension between solo healing and healing within a relationship and emphasizes it’s not about perfect healing, but about self-awareness and the choices you make in the moment. The episode mixes vulnerable stories, science-backed insights, and practical tools for approaching relationships from a place of intention and self-trust.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
“Fully Healed” – Myth vs. Reality (00:50 – 07:25)
- There is no finish line: Sabrina starts by shredding the idea that we must be completely healed, secure, and perfect before we can date again.
- “You can do all the healing in the world... and then you’ll get into a relationship and you are going to be triggered in ways you never imagined possible.” (00:50)
- Real healing is about response, not avoidance:
- “It’s not about being perfectly healed. It’s about how you handle your shit when it fucking comes up. Because it will. Because you’re a human.” (02:10)
- Healing as a process, not a destination: The belief you must be “fully healed” is avoidance in disguise.
- “There is no such thing as being fully healed... You take the black, the white, and you create shades of gray.” (04:35)
- “If I wasn’t fully healed, I didn’t deserve love. I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me... but all I was doing was projecting my insecurities.”
The “All or Nothing” Trap (07:25 – 12:30)
- Internet’s binary messaging: Either stay single till you’re perfect, or jump right back in (“best way to get over someone is to get under someone”). Both approaches are flawed and one-size-fits-none.
- Prolonged singleness isn’t a panacea: Being alone can foster genuinely useful growth (self-soothing, setting boundaries), but it’s not about strict timelines.
- “Oftentimes when we look at this like ‘you have to be perfectly healed,’ those are really sneaky forms of avoidance that look like healing.” (08:25)
- Your patterns appear with others, not alone: You don’t know what will trigger you until you’re actually in the arena.
Single Healing vs. Healing in Relationship (16:10 – 21:40)
- There are lessons you can only learn in partnership:
- “Some healing can only happen in a relationship. You can understand your anxious attachment intellectually, and you can still spiral when they don’t text you back. You don’t actually know if you’ve changed until you’re in it.” (18:35)
- Sabrina shares vulnerable personal examples:
- “I thought I was so healed… then I got triggered when [my partner] didn’t call me. And I had to stop and go, whoa, regulate your nervous system and come back to the present moment.” (23:55)
- On communicating triggers: “Hey babe, can I share something with you?...When you said that to me just a moment ago, it really triggered me. It reminded me of my dad.” (26:10)
The power of rupture, regulation, and repair. Secure relationships aren’t conflict-free; they’re built on working through issues.
Knowing When You’re “Ready” (29:20 – 32:00)
- “Ready” Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a Capacity: Reflect on your ability to:
- Be alone without feeling desperate.
- Distinguish loneliness from healthy desire.
- Hold two conflicting feelings/thoughts.
- Set and hold boundaries.
- Take responsibility for your role.
- You can love the idea of relationships and still not be ready for an actual one.
- “Being in a relationship is holding capacity. It’s having bandwidth, it’s holding space for your partner. It’s knowing that somebody else is in this with you.” (31:40)
- Many are attracted to the image of relationships, not the reality.
Pattern Awareness, Interruption, and Self-Trust (32:00 – 40:00)
- Awareness is not enough: “Knowing your patterns and interrupting your patterns are two separate skills. Awareness is necessary but not sufficient.” (21:40)
- Theory vs. Practice:
- “Perceived growth and actual growth often don’t match. You find out if you’ve changed by doing, not by assuming.” (32:30)
- Self-trust is not built by waiting:
- “I hear this myth all the time of like, I’ll date when I trust myself. But you build self-trust by dating and keeping promises to yourself, not by waiting until you magically feel confident.” (39:30)
- You learn to trust yourself by showing up for yourself––not by never being triggered.
- “The real flex isn’t never getting triggered. It’s getting triggered and not blowing up your life because of the trigger.” (40:35)
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On Healing Not Being Linear or Final:
“You’re not waiting to become someone who can handle hard things. You become that person by handling hard things.” — Sabrina (42:00)
- On Communication in Healthy Relationships:
“We don’t do this work so that you just never get triggered and then you just never have any issues. If you see anybody on the internet or in life that tells you that they have the perfect relationship, that they never fight, they’re lying to you... What makes [couples] healthy and secure is that they go through the rupture, they have the regulation, and then they repair together.” — Sabrina (27:30)
- On Readiness and Self-Love:
“You want to know if you’re ready to date or not? You’re more scared of losing yourself than you’re scared of losing any of these people. Because none of them matter... Are you going to abandon [yourself] and choose other people over yourself? How much do you love yourself?” — Sabrina (46:00)
- On Practical Growth:
“You’re ready when you’re willing to catch yourself mid pattern and choose differently.” — Sabrina (33:19)
Research & Studies Mentioned
- Brumbaugh & Fraley (2015):
People who dated sooner after breakups reported higher confidence and better psychological health, but studies can’t distinguish between real growth and avoidance (15:40). - Kansky & Allen (2018):
Those able to clearly articulate why a past relationship ended had better future relationships—knowing isn't enough, action matters (21:10). - Owens & Fower:
Study on perceived vs actual post-breakup growth; people often overestimate how much they’ve grown (32:15).
Tool of the Week: Pattern Check-In (52:10)
- Before your next date or big conversation:
- Write down your top three patterns (e.g., “I over-explain when anxious,” “I people-please when rejected”).
- After the interaction, check in: Which patterns showed up? Cultivate awareness.
- Ask: What could I do differently next time?
- Purpose: Build real-time self-awareness, catch old patterns, and strengthen muscles for new choices.
Closing & Next Steps
- Main Takeaway: There’s no such thing as “fully healed.” The real question is, “Am I willing to catch myself and choose differently?” If not, honor where you are. If yes, embrace relational healing––mess and all––and lead with self-love.
- What’s Next: Next week’s episode wraps the Clarity series with “Go With The Flow Is Not A Dating Strategy.”
- Get Support: Sabrina’s “Healthy Dating Foundation” course, one-on-one coaching, and resources are open for those ready to deepen self-work.
Summary Timeline
- 00:50 – 07:25: Debunking “fully healed”; importance of response over perfection.
- 07:25 – 12:30: All-or-nothing traps; value and limits of solo healing; avoidance disguised as “working on myself.”
- 16:10 – 21:40: Solo vs. relational healing; science-backed insights; vulnerability and triggers with stories.
- 29:20 – 32:00: Defining readiness in relational terms, not just feelings.
- 32:00 – 40:00+ : Pattern awareness vs. interruption, building self-trust through action not avoidance; concrete reflection tools.
For anyone navigating dating and healing, Sabrina’s message is clear: You are never “done.” The work is ongoing, and the magic happens not in isolation, but in the choices you make—especially when it's messy.