Podcast Summary: The Sabrina Zohar Show

Episode 179: Situationships, ‘Going With The Flow’, and Why You’re Still Single

Date: December 26, 2025
Host: Sabrina Zohar (@sabrina.zohar)

Episode Theme & Purpose

The final episode of the “Clarity Series” and the last episode of 2025, Sabrina Zohar delivers a raw, no-nonsense deep dive into why “situationships” persist, how “going with the flow” is often self-abandonment, and what true intentionality in dating looks like. This episode calls listeners to abandon passive dating patterns, clarify their standards, and step into the new year empowered, self-assured, and unapologetically authentic.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Clarity Series Recap & This Episode’s Focus

[02:12]

• Sabrina recaps the series:
  • Episode 1: Ruminating vs. Processing (“You think you’re healing, but you’re just stuck in a loop.”)
  • Episode 2: The “waiting for them to come back” trap (“Waiting isn’t hope; it’s avoidance.”)
  • Episode 3: Busting the myth that you must be “fully healed” to date (“Some healing can only happen in relationships.”)
• Main Focus: All the “work” is pointless if you immediately abandon yourself again in dating.
• “Are you going to keep being passive in your love life or are you going to show up with intention?” — Sabrina [02:54]

2. The Trap of ‘Going With The Flow’

[04:30]

• Going with the flow sounds evolved, chill, and flexible, but is often:

  • Fear-driven avoidance of needs and standards.
  • A play to be the “cool girl (or guy)” so people won’t leave.
  • Learned behavior from childhood where asking for needs was unsafe.

• Quote:
  “Going with the flow isn’t intentional. Where’s the flow going? Are there snacks there? Will I be overdressed?” — Sabrina [00:42]

• “I want you to remember this: This is the year you finally get to decide what the fuck you’re worthy and deserving of.” — Sabrina [05:50]

3. Self-Abandonment and Anxious Attachment

[10:25]

• Suppressing needs comes from anxious attachment or childhood patterns.
• “You suppress, accommodate, pretend you’re fine, then build resentment. You think you’re being easy to love, but you’re actually impossible to get to know.” — Sabrina [12:02]
• People who truly care for you want to know your needs.
• Playing “the cool girl/guy” is attractive only to those who wish to control or manipulate.

4. Situationships Explained

[13:40]

• Definition: “A situationship is a relationship without clarity.”
• Red flags:
  • No conversations about what you are to each other.
  • Deflection when you bring up commitment.
  • Frequent anxiety and waiting for more.
  • Overanalyzing, ambiguity, and months—sometimes years—without progress.
• Quote:
  “If you’re in a situationship, are you the person scared of commitment, or are you the one scared of speaking up?” — Sabrina [14:35]
• “Ambiguity is your answer.” [16:22]

5. The Neuroscience of Standards vs. Actual Choices

[17:49]

• We often abandon our stated standards when feeling chemistry.
• The phrase “if they wanted to, they would” is over-simplistic; want and capacity are different brains (per neuroscience).
• “How many of you say, ‘I want a healthy, secure relationship…’—but what are you actually doing about it?” [18:29]
• Expand your understanding of human complexity beyond viral platitudes.

6. Intention vs. Control

[25:12]

• Overcorrection can happen when moving from passivity to “dating with intention” (i.e., interrogating everyone on date one).
• Distinction:
  • Intention: Knowing what you want, being clear, communicating honestly, and observing.
  • Control: Needing absolute certainty, secret timelines, micromanaging perceptions.
• Quote:
  “Control says, ‘I need to know exactly how this will go or I can’t handle the anxiety.’ Intention says, ‘I know what I want, and I’m paying attention because I know I’m fucking deserving.’” — Sabrina [29:20]

7. What True Intentionality Looks Like

[33:22]

• Knowing and writing down your non-negotiables (not preferences!).
• Trust your gut earlier—don’t explain away red flags.
• Communicate clearly, even if it feels scary.
• Memorable Moment:
  Sabrina’s story: on her first date with her partner Ryan, she was honest about her intentions even after sleeping together; he appreciated her clarity (“He loved that because he said, ‘I loved the fact that you weren’t scared of losing me. You were scared of losing yourself.’” [35:15])
• Evaluation is reciprocal: “Do I actually like them? Are they meeting my standards? I don’t care how you feel about them, I care about how you feel with them.”

8. Letting Go: Situationship Cycle & Fantasy Relationships

[38:14]

• Dumping the “cool girl/guy” performance.
• Leaving behind cycles of texting, “almost relationships,” and hoping for change.
• “How many almost relationships did you have this year? How many talking stages that went nowhere?” [39:30]
• Letting go of fantasy connections and seeing reality:
  “Fantasy relationships feel safer because they can’t disappoint you. The real person can—but the real person is the only one who can actually love you back.” [43:10]

9. Abandoning Self-Abandonment

[45:03]

• “Every time you said yes when you meant no...you shrunk to make them more comfortable—self-abandonment is not love.”
• No one should abandon themselves to be loved.
• “In 2026, you stay. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when you’re scared they’ll leave—you stay with yourself.” [46:58]
• Let go of the idea that your needs are “too much.”

10. Action Steps: Dating With Intention in 2026

[50:41]

• Review your dealbreakers—write 3–5, keep them visible, stick to them.
• Ask for what you need and let those who can’t provide it go.
• Trust your first gut signals, not hope.
• Choose availability over chemistry; “boring” or “calm” might be healthy.
• Be willing to walk away—this is the foundation of healthy dating.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Going with the flow isn’t intentional. Where’s the flow going? Are there snacks there? Will I be overdressed?”
— Sabrina Zohar [00:42]

“If I’m too much for you, go find less. I don’t give a fuck. Go kick rocks without shoes.”
— Sabrina Zohar [06:29]

“You think you’re being easy to love, but you’re actually impossible to get to know.”
— Sabrina Zohar [12:02]

“The only thing you can control is you—your behavior, your boundaries, your willingness to stay or to leave.”
— Sabrina Zohar [28:47]

“Being too much for the wrong person is how you find the right person.”
— Sabrina Zohar [44:25]

“I want you in my life, but I don’t need you in my life.”
— Sabrina Zohar [36:18 & 53:12]

“Every time you say yes when you mean no, every time you shrunk, you disappeared. Self-abandonment is not love.”
— Sabrina Zohar [45:03]

Important Timestamps

• [00:42] — The real meaning of “going with the flow”
• [05:50] — 2026: The year to decide your worth
• [12:02] — If you’re suppressing needs, you’re not being easy to love—you’re hard to know
• [14:35] — Situationships: Who benefits, and who suffers?
• [16:22] — Ambiguity is your answer; if you have to guess, that’s the answer
• [18:29] — Want vs. capacity: “If they wanted to, they would” is a myth
• [29:20] — Intention vs. Control: How to tell the difference
• [35:15] — Sabrina’s story on honest intentionality (“I wasn’t scared of losing him, I was scared of losing myself.”)
• [39:30] — Reflection: How many situationships or “almost” relationships did you have this year?
• [43:10] — Fantasy relationships, dopamine, and why we hold on
• [46:58] — “In 2026, you stay. Even when it’s uncomfortable.”
• [53:12] — “I want you in my life, but I don’t need you in my life.”

Tool of the Week: Practice for Dating Intentionally

[54:32]

• Before another date or swipe, write down 3-5 actual deal breakers (not preferences).
  • These are non-negotiable—if someone violates one, you walk.
• Put the list somewhere you’ll see it regularly.
• When tempted to make exceptions, revisit your list and ask: Does this align?
• Stop self-abandonment; intentionality is about clarity, not controlling outcomes.

In Closing

Sabrina wraps up with gratitude, emphasizing community and self-belief. The call: leave behind self-abandoning patterns, claim deservingness, ask for more, and intentionally co-create the relationships you want. The message going into 2026:

• Know yourself.
• Hold your standards.
• Be willing to walk.
• Let “cool girl/guy” die.
• Take up space.
• Never apologize for what you need.

“I'm so proud of you. Let’s fucking do this together.” — Sabrina [End]