Podcast Summary: The Sabrina Zohar Show
Episode 179: Situationships, ‘Going With The Flow’, and Why You’re Still Single
Date: December 26, 2025
Host: Sabrina Zohar (@sabrina.zohar)
Episode Theme & Purpose
The final episode of the “Clarity Series” and the last episode of 2025, Sabrina Zohar delivers a raw, no-nonsense deep dive into why “situationships” persist, how “going with the flow” is often self-abandonment, and what true intentionality in dating looks like. This episode calls listeners to abandon passive dating patterns, clarify their standards, and step into the new year empowered, self-assured, and unapologetically authentic.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Clarity Series Recap & This Episode’s Focus
[02:12]
- Sabrina recaps the series:
- Episode 1: Ruminating vs. Processing (“You think you’re healing, but you’re just stuck in a loop.”)
- Episode 2: The “waiting for them to come back” trap (“Waiting isn’t hope; it’s avoidance.”)
- Episode 3: Busting the myth that you must be “fully healed” to date (“Some healing can only happen in relationships.”)
- Main Focus: All the “work” is pointless if you immediately abandon yourself again in dating.
- “Are you going to keep being passive in your love life or are you going to show up with intention?” — Sabrina [02:54]
2. The Trap of ‘Going With The Flow’
[04:30]
-
Going with the flow sounds evolved, chill, and flexible, but is often:
- Fear-driven avoidance of needs and standards.
- A play to be the “cool girl (or guy)” so people won’t leave.
- Learned behavior from childhood where asking for needs was unsafe.
-
Quote:
“Going with the flow isn’t intentional. Where’s the flow going? Are there snacks there? Will I be overdressed?” — Sabrina [00:42] -
“I want you to remember this: This is the year you finally get to decide what the fuck you’re worthy and deserving of.” — Sabrina [05:50]
3. Self-Abandonment and Anxious Attachment
[10:25]
- Suppressing needs comes from anxious attachment or childhood patterns.
- “You suppress, accommodate, pretend you’re fine, then build resentment. You think you’re being easy to love, but you’re actually impossible to get to know.” — Sabrina [12:02]
- People who truly care for you want to know your needs.
- Playing “the cool girl/guy” is attractive only to those who wish to control or manipulate.
4. Situationships Explained
[13:40]
- Definition: “A situationship is a relationship without clarity.”
- Red flags:
- No conversations about what you are to each other.
- Deflection when you bring up commitment.
- Frequent anxiety and waiting for more.
- Overanalyzing, ambiguity, and months—sometimes years—without progress.
- Quote:
“If you’re in a situationship, are you the person scared of commitment, or are you the one scared of speaking up?” — Sabrina [14:35] - “Ambiguity is your answer.” [16:22]
5. The Neuroscience of Standards vs. Actual Choices
[17:49]
- We often abandon our stated standards when feeling chemistry.
- The phrase “if they wanted to, they would” is over-simplistic; want and capacity are different brains (per neuroscience).
- “How many of you say, ‘I want a healthy, secure relationship…’—but what are you actually doing about it?” [18:29]
- Expand your understanding of human complexity beyond viral platitudes.
6. Intention vs. Control
[25:12]
- Overcorrection can happen when moving from passivity to “dating with intention” (i.e., interrogating everyone on date one).
- Distinction:
- Intention: Knowing what you want, being clear, communicating honestly, and observing.
- Control: Needing absolute certainty, secret timelines, micromanaging perceptions.
- Quote:
“Control says, ‘I need to know exactly how this will go or I can’t handle the anxiety.’ Intention says, ‘I know what I want, and I’m paying attention because I know I’m fucking deserving.’” — Sabrina [29:20]
7. What True Intentionality Looks Like
[33:22]
- Knowing and writing down your non-negotiables (not preferences!).
- Trust your gut earlier—don’t explain away red flags.
- Communicate clearly, even if it feels scary.
- Memorable Moment:
Sabrina’s story: on her first date with her partner Ryan, she was honest about her intentions even after sleeping together; he appreciated her clarity (“He loved that because he said, ‘I loved the fact that you weren’t scared of losing me. You were scared of losing yourself.’” [35:15]) - Evaluation is reciprocal: “Do I actually like them? Are they meeting my standards? I don’t care how you feel about them, I care about how you feel with them.”
8. Letting Go: Situationship Cycle & Fantasy Relationships
[38:14]
- Dumping the “cool girl/guy” performance.
- Leaving behind cycles of texting, “almost relationships,” and hoping for change.
- “How many almost relationships did you have this year? How many talking stages that went nowhere?” [39:30]
- Letting go of fantasy connections and seeing reality:
“Fantasy relationships feel safer because they can’t disappoint you. The real person can—but the real person is the only one who can actually love you back.” [43:10]
9. Abandoning Self-Abandonment
[45:03]
- “Every time you said yes when you meant no...you shrunk to make them more comfortable—self-abandonment is not love.”
- No one should abandon themselves to be loved.
- “In 2026, you stay. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when you’re scared they’ll leave—you stay with yourself.” [46:58]
- Let go of the idea that your needs are “too much.”
10. Action Steps: Dating With Intention in 2026
[50:41]
- Review your dealbreakers—write 3–5, keep them visible, stick to them.
- Ask for what you need and let those who can’t provide it go.
- Trust your first gut signals, not hope.
- Choose availability over chemistry; “boring” or “calm” might be healthy.
- Be willing to walk away—this is the foundation of healthy dating.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
“Going with the flow isn’t intentional. Where’s the flow going? Are there snacks there? Will I be overdressed?”
— Sabrina Zohar [00:42]
“If I’m too much for you, go find less. I don’t give a fuck. Go kick rocks without shoes.”
— Sabrina Zohar [06:29]
“You think you’re being easy to love, but you’re actually impossible to get to know.”
— Sabrina Zohar [12:02]
“The only thing you can control is you—your behavior, your boundaries, your willingness to stay or to leave.”
— Sabrina Zohar [28:47]
“Being too much for the wrong person is how you find the right person.”
— Sabrina Zohar [44:25]
“I want you in my life, but I don’t need you in my life.”
— Sabrina Zohar [36:18 & 53:12]
“Every time you say yes when you mean no, every time you shrunk, you disappeared. Self-abandonment is not love.”
— Sabrina Zohar [45:03]
Important Timestamps
- [00:42] — The real meaning of “going with the flow”
- [05:50] — 2026: The year to decide your worth
- [12:02] — If you’re suppressing needs, you’re not being easy to love—you’re hard to know
- [14:35] — Situationships: Who benefits, and who suffers?
- [16:22] — Ambiguity is your answer; if you have to guess, that’s the answer
- [18:29] — Want vs. capacity: “If they wanted to, they would” is a myth
- [29:20] — Intention vs. Control: How to tell the difference
- [35:15] — Sabrina’s story on honest intentionality (“I wasn’t scared of losing him, I was scared of losing myself.”)
- [39:30] — Reflection: How many situationships or “almost” relationships did you have this year?
- [43:10] — Fantasy relationships, dopamine, and why we hold on
- [46:58] — “In 2026, you stay. Even when it’s uncomfortable.”
- [53:12] — “I want you in my life, but I don’t need you in my life.”
Tool of the Week: Practice for Dating Intentionally
[54:32]
- Before another date or swipe, write down 3-5 actual deal breakers (not preferences).
- These are non-negotiable—if someone violates one, you walk.
- Put the list somewhere you’ll see it regularly.
- When tempted to make exceptions, revisit your list and ask: Does this align?
- Stop self-abandonment; intentionality is about clarity, not controlling outcomes.
In Closing
Sabrina wraps up with gratitude, emphasizing community and self-belief. The call: leave behind self-abandoning patterns, claim deservingness, ask for more, and intentionally co-create the relationships you want. The message going into 2026:
- Know yourself.
- Hold your standards.
- Be willing to walk.
- Let “cool girl/guy” die.
- Take up space.
- Never apologize for what you need.
“I'm so proud of you. Let’s fucking do this together.” — Sabrina [End]
