The Sabrina Zohar Show – Episode 180

Title: Repeating Patterns, Self Trust, and How to Stop Abandoning Yourself
Host: Sabrina Zohar
Date: January 2, 2026

Episode Overview

In this New Year's episode, Sabrina Zohar cuts through the “new year, new you” clichés to offer a grounded, no-nonsense conversation about why dating and self-growth resolutions so often fail. Instead of focusing on manifesting outcomes, Sabrina urges listeners to shift their attention to the patterns, self-trust, and tendencies to self-abandon that really shape our relationships—romantic or otherwise. This episode is packed with reflective questions, practical shifts, and an actionable “three list” assignment to help listeners move into 2026 with true intention and self-alignment.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Outcome Goals vs. Pattern Goals (03:05)

• Sabrina challenges the typical New Year’s mindset:
  "I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you that this is your year...You get to decide who you’re going to be in your relationships this year…Let’s stop talking about what you want to attract and start talking about who you are going to become in order to receive it." (00:00)
• Resolutions that focus on outcomes (finding a partner, getting engaged, etc.) are destined to fail because they depend on factors outside our control.
• Pattern goals (how you respond, communicate, and choose) are within your power and where real change happens.
• Notable quote:
  "The goal isn't to find love. The goal is to become someone who can keep it and receive it." (06:12)

2. Why Most Resolutions Fail: The Fresh Start Effect (10:11)

• Sabrina draws on psychological research about the “fresh start effect,” where motivation spikes around milestones like New Year’s, but quickly drops off without changing the underlying system.
• Motivation is not enough:
  "Lasting change requires systems, not just inspiration. It requires changing your actual patterns, not just your intentions.” (08:35)

3. The Real Reason You’re Stuck: Self-Abandonment and Self-Trust

• Repetitive patterns and the urge to self-abandon (ignoring red flags, overaccommodating, chasing unavailability) prevent meaningful change.
• Sabrina challenges listeners to examine what they’re actually calling in:
  • Is it true partnership, or just the feeling of being chosen?
  • Are you seeking to fill loneliness or to build genuine intimacy?
• Notable quote:
  "Wanting to feel chosen is about healing a wound. The relationship becomes about what it means, not what it is." (16:05)

4. Healthy Want vs. Wounded Want (13:22, after ad)

• Differentiating between wanting love to heal, to not be alone, or to fix worthiness—all of which lead to unhealthy patterns and disappointment.
• Healthy relationships come from self-wholeness:
  "I want partnership because I'm whole on my own, and I want to build something with another whole person so we can have a beautiful life." (15:36)

5. What “Calling in Love” Actually Requires (16:50)

• Being seen—vulnerability, showing all parts of yourself
• Willingness to need and be needed (challenging for those who fear abandonment)
• Tolerating disappointment and repair, instead of seeking only the “highs”
• Facing the discomfort of being alone rather than settling
• Notable quote:
  "Your fear of being alone is what makes you accept situationships...We have to shift that. You’ve got to be willing to choose yourself over the relationship.” (26:20)

6. From “Pick Me” to Self-Selector (21:20)

• Stop dating as if you’re auditioning to be chosen.
• New guiding question:
  "Do I want this person? Not: how do I make them want me?" (24:45)
• Focus on compatibility, mutual evaluation, and shared vision rather than relying on chemistry or the need to be liked.

7. You Don’t Need to Be “Fully Healed” to Date (28:50)

• Healing is ongoing—it's about awareness and making conscious choices, not achieving perfection.
• Notable quote:
  "You just get more aware and more skilled at interrupting your patterns...You can date while you're healing." (29:19)

8. Practical Tool: The Three List Assignment (30:32)

Sabrina’s Exercise for the New Year

(Recommended to do before the week is over):

• List 1: What am I leaving in 2025? (Specific patterns, behaviors, beliefs to release)
• List 2: What am I calling into 2026? (Focus on experiences and feelings, not just outcomes)
• List 3: Who am I becoming to receive it? (Traits, skills, boundaries, beliefs you’ll embody)
• Notable quote:
  “If you don’t change, you’ll get the same results with different faces.” (35:08)
• Place these lists somewhere visible. Check in monthly for alignment and timely course correction.

9. Permission to Want, Change, and Take Your Time (36:25)

• You’re allowed to want what you want, to be picky, to take breaks, to change your mind, and to not have it all figured out.
• Notable quote:
  "Being picky isn’t about being unrealistic. It’s about being protective. It’s having standards. It’s refusing to settle for crumbs just because you’re hungry." (36:55)
• Leave behind perfectionism; allow for the messy, human parts of the growth process.

10. Core Message and Closing Reflections (37:50)

• The ultimate work is not about “finding love” but about becoming the version of yourself who is ready to receive and keep it.
• “Your patterns don’t change because the calendar does. They change because you keep showing up for yourself month after month. Not perfectly, but consistently.” (38:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “The goal isn’t to find love. The goal is to become someone who can keep it and receive it.” (06:12)
• “Wanting to feel chosen is about healing a wound. The relationship becomes about what it means, not what it is.” (16:05)
• “If you believe it, then you will act it, which will mean you will get it.” (11:30)
• “You could meet your perfect match tomorrow, but if you haven’t done the work, you’ll either not recognize them or you’ll do something that’ll push them away.” (22:18)
• “Your tolerance for being alone is directly tied to your standards. The more okay you are with being alone, the less you’ll accept.” (27:15)
• “Who do you need to become to have what it is that you’re calling in? Because if you don’t change, you’ll get the same results with different faces.” (35:08)
• “Being picky isn’t about being unrealistic. It’s about being protective. It’s having standards. It’s refusing to settle for crumbs just because you’re hungry.” (36:55)

Timestamps of Important Segments

• 00:00–03:45: Intro & setting the theme—becoming vs. manifesting
• 03:45–12:53: Outcome goals vs. pattern goals; why resolutions fail; the “fresh start effect”
• 13:22–16:50: Wounded wants vs. healthy wants; calling in love for the right reasons
• 16:50–21:20: What true intimacy and partnership require
• 21:20–26:20: Shifting from “pick me” to self-truster and compatibility-seeker
• 28:50–30:32: Healing while dating; embracing ongoing self-work
• 30:32–35:35: The Three List Assignment for intentional growth
• 36:25–37:50: Permission to want, change, and be messy; closing encouragement

Actionable Takeaways

• Focus your growth on changing patterns—not just aiming for outcomes.
• Regularly reflect: “Who am I becoming to receive the love/relationships/life I want?”
• Create (and revisit) Sabrina’s Three Lists for real, steady change.
• Grant yourself permission—to want, to be picky, to take your time, to learn, to be imperfect.

Final Word

This episode is a compelling, tough-love reminder that the only real control you have lies in your choices and patterns, not in wishful thinking or chasing outcomes. It’s about doing the deep, sometimes uncomfortable work to stop abandoning yourself and to become the person able to receive—and sustain—the love and connection you deserve.