The Sabrina Zohar Show

Episode 182: Is It Okay To Say I Love You First? | In The Trenches

Release Date: January 13, 2026
Host: Sabrina Zohar

Episode Overview

In this candid and advice-packed “In the Trenches” episode, Sabrina Zohar responds to real listener questions centered around uncertainty, self-trust, and vulnerability in modern dating and relationships. The main theme: how to navigate moments of discomfort, express your needs without abandoning yourself, and approach tricky situations like workplace romance, saying "I love you" first, re-entering old flings, and showing authenticity on dating apps.

The episode delivers Sabrina’s signature no-BS style—unfiltered, raw, compassionate, and occasionally spicy—guiding listeners through the nuanced realities of romantic connection and self-growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Navigating Uncertainty in Workplace Romance (09:40–27:30)

Situation:
A 43-year-old woman feels confused over flirtatious signals from a younger (31-year-old) male coworker. She wonders if she should act or keep "going with the flow."

Sabrina’s Take:

• Workplace Dating Cautions: Sabrina warns about the complications of dating coworkers, urging listeners to consider the emotional and professional risks.
  “You have to see this person every day and bitch, that’s your livelihood.” (11:56)
• Don’t Abandon Yourself: She critiques “going with the flow” as a form of self-abandonment rather than a healthy dating strategy.
  • “Going with the flow is not a dating strategy, it’s a self abandonment strategy.” (21:40)
• Initiate Honest Conversations: Sabrina encourages directness:
  • “Getting out of the office and just saying, ‘Listen, I’m struggling to read this. I think you’re really cute...is this more than that? Are we just friends, or is this something you’d like to pursue...’” (19:20)
• Assess Future Compatibility: She points out unseen variables, like age gap implications (children, life goals), and insists these should be discussed, not assumed away.

2. Saying “I Love You” First—and Not Hearing It Back (27:30–42:20)

Situation:
“Kirsten,” recently out of abusive relationships and now in a healthy one, tells her partner she loves him after six months—he doesn’t say it back, and she’s triggered.

Sabrina’s Advice:

• Validate Vulnerability: Commends Kirsten’s courage:
  • “You were vulnerable. You put yourself out there. You were honest. You were transparent. You were real.” (30:35)
• Curiosity Over Catastrophe: Suggests gently revisiting the conversation with her partner:
  • "Hey, can I share something with you?...I wanted to get curious and understand what is your hesitation with saying it and where are you?" (34:50)
• Self-Worth Is Internal: Warns against tying worth to partner’s responses:
  • “Their opinion of you does not change anything about your worth.” (40:55)
• Normalize the Pain: Affirms it’s human to feel hurt by rejection and encourages processing without shame.

3. Revisiting Past Flames & Avoidant Partners (42:20–1:04:53)

Situation:
Listener (48) reconnects platonically with her ex (58), a self-described avoidant with a sex addiction history. She senses growing intimacy, but when he invites another woman to dinner, she feels gut-punched and confused.

Sabrina’s Take:

• Don’t Create Meaning Where There Is None:
  • “You’re creating narratives here. And I say that with love…you created something that wasn’t there.” (59:50)
• Directness Over Assumptions: Advocates for asking, “What are we doing here?” rather than spiraling into self-doubt.
• Friendship ≠ Breadcrumbs: Pointless to over-analyze “intense eye contact” or ambiguous social invites when there’s no romantic action.
• Healthy Boundaries: If platonic contact doesn’t serve, set boundaries accordingly.
  • “We have got to stop giving meaning to low effort bullshit...” (1:03:15)

4. Dating Apps, Confidence, and When to Share your “Ban” Story (1:04:54–1:23:15)

Situation:
A male listener, previously banned from Hinge after a political debate, finds love on Hinge after circumventing the ban. He seeks advice on whether and how to tell his new partner about this history.

Sabrina’s Advice:

• It’s Not a Big Deal (Unless Your Friends Are Jokers):
  “You can even then preface it as like, ‘Hey, can I share something with you?...because you’re going to meet my friends and they’re jokers…’” (1:14:04)
• Own Your Story Casually: Keep it light, honest, and without shame.
• Dating Profile Audit Tips:
  • Too many photos of hiking and dogs; show more about yourself and less repetition.
  • “Profile gone. Name me three things you remember…” (1:17:10)
  • “We love short kings around here. I don’t want to shame anybody for who you authentically are.” (1:19:40)

5. On Handling Public Critique & Haters (Sabrina’s Personal Story) (1:04:30–1:11:30)

• Sabrina opens up about a painful experience with podcast criticism, normalizing how rejection and unkindness still hurt even the most self-assured among us.
• “No troll, no person on a dating app, no stranger on the Internet, is ever going to tell me who the f*** I am.” (1:06:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On self-trust:
  “Trusting yourself and being able to sit in the discomfort is truly how you’re going to build the connection that you’re dreaming of.” (03:10)
• On being too passive:
  “How’s that working?” (in response to ‘going with the flow’ in dating) (18:57)
• Vulnerability and rejection:
  “There is no guarantee in dating. Being vulnerable, putting yourself out there, saying I love you first… we don’t know how it’s going to end.” (41:13)
• Personal encouragement:
  “Your feelings are valid, but your reaction doesn’t necessarily have to be.” (1:09:20)
• Profile advice:
  “All I see is… do you literally only hike and then you have a dog photo?” (1:17:00)

Important Timestamps

• 09:40 — Workplace romance & setting boundaries
• 21:40 — “Going with the flow” is not a strategy
• 27:30 — Listener says “I love you” first; Sabrina validates her vulnerability
• 34:50 — Script for revisiting difficult relationship convos
• 40:55 — “Self-worth is internal” monologue
• 59:50 — “You’re creating narratives” in ambiguous friendship with ex
• 1:04:30 — Sabrina’s story about vulnerability to hate and criticism
• 1:14:04 — How to share your dating app “ban” story
• 1:17:10 — Profile audit: memorable vs. generic
• 1:19:40 — “We love short kings around here…”

Overall Tone & Takeaway

Sabrina’s tone is fiercely compassionate, direct, and supportive—blending tough love with encouragement. She urges listeners to prioritize clarity, self-trust, and honest conversations over silence and self-abandonment. No question is too messy; no feeling is “too much.”

Useful for Listeners Who:

• Struggle with overthinking, uncertainty, or anxious attachment in dating.
• Worry about being the first to be vulnerable in love.
• Repeatedly “go with the flow” instead of expressing needs.
• Are negotiating tricky workplace flings, past trauma, or returning to the dating world.
• Want practical scripts and actionable advice—without the fluff.

Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube for the full episode.
Connect with Sabrina:
Instagram: @thesabrinazoharshow
TikTok: @sabrina.zohar