The Sabrina Zohar Show

Episode 183: What Anxious Attachment Really Looks Like From The Outside
Guest: Paige Homan
Date: January 16, 2026

Episode Overview

This special episode features host Sabrina Zohar in a candid, heartfelt conversation with her best friend of seven years, Paige Homan. The pair dive deep into what anxious attachment looks like in real life—not from a therapist's office, but through the eyes of someone who witnessed Sabrina’s transformation first-hand. Listeners are given an honest look into past dating chaos, the struggles of anxious attachment, and the tangible work it takes to move toward relational security. With raw insights and plenty of laughs, this episode is a must for anyone grappling with anxiety in relationships or curious about what 'doing the work' looks like on a personal level.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Friendship and Shared History

[02:41–05:01]

• Sabrina introduces Paige as her “object permanence”—someone she always felt safe to be herself with.
• Both acknowledge their similar childhood traumas and how it shaped their attachment styles.
• Sabrina: “You taught me that that's an existence and that that's real.” (04:19)

2. Early Dating Struggles: The Outside Perspective

[05:01–09:00]

• Paige recalls watching Sabrina cycle through dates, heartbreaks, and relentless hope.
• Paige admired Sabrina's perseverance:

  “You always had this relentless like pursuit that was actually admirable…at least you’re trying, you didn’t give up.” (05:32)

• Both share their anxious attachment behaviors, especially texting and idealizing new partners.
• Sabrina self-describes her behavior:

  “I just couldn't sit still, when I was panicking, when I was overthinking everything, couldn't not text somebody.” (00:58)

3. Manifestations of Anxious Attachment

[06:32–09:54]

• The conversation deepens into specific anxious rituals: overtexting, craving affirmation, and spirals when responses are delayed.
• Both recall romanticizing partners quickly, the urgent need for validation, and the heartbreak that followed.

4. Growth and New Awareness

[12:12–14:07]

• Both friends began therapy around the same time, marking a shift toward self-awareness.
• Sabrina shares a memory:

  “I remember we were packing orders for software and I was having a panic attack…sending him these novels.” (12:54)

• Both note earlier lack of red flag awareness and the dangers of black-and-white dating advice (e.g., “If he wanted to, he would”).

5. Recognizing Patterns and Learning to Pause

[14:07–16:49]

• Sabrina describes slowing down and learning to tolerate pauses.
• Paige learns to pause before reacting, inspired by previous podcast guest David Guilliam’s phrase: “Pause. What a pleasure.” (14:49)
• Both recount the struggle of breakups and the emotional toll of letting go when anxiously attached.

6. The Role of Family, Upbringing, and Societal Pressure

[19:02–20:12]

• Discussion on inherited beliefs: working hard for love, striving to deserve acceptance.
• Societal pressures on millennials—expecting hard work to automatically lead to relationship and financial success.

7. Dating in the Modern World

[20:12–23:39]

• Paige:

  “It feels like you need to be introduced by friends…or else it feels hopeless.” (20:46)

• Both note the current dating landscape is not radically improved, even post-pandemic, with many still seeking commitment-averse partners and navigating disconnection.

8. Triggers, Healing, and Real Change

[24:20–30:23]

• Sabrina reveals how understanding her triggers and recognizing bodily cues (heat, urgency) signaled anxiety.
• Both agree: real healing happens in relationships, not just in isolation or theory.
• Sabrina on practicing new behavior:

  “It’s like, you read how to do a deadlift…but then you go do it, you take your back out and you’re like ‘But I read all about it!’” (27:09)

9. Game-Changing Lessons from Relationships

[27:47–31:06]

• Paige’s biggest lesson: Slow down and don’t react impulsively; defensiveness can sabotage connection.
• Sabrina’s insight: Safety in relationships doesn’t mean the absence of problems, but the freedom to explore conflict with a supportive partner.
• Both emphasize the continuing presence of anxiety but increased ability to self-soothe.

10. Owning Your Narrative & Taking Accountability

[36:33–39:52]

• Sabrina stresses: “The only difference between the two of us sitting here and anybody listening is the choices that have been made along the line.” (36:33)
• Both friends reflect on how incremental changes—therapy, health, boundaries—add up to big internal shifts.
• Paige commends Sabrina’s bravery in self-examination:

  “A lot of people will find the other person to blame, and that’s the easier route. But it takes a lot of strength to figure it out…” (45:45)

11. Looking Back With Gratitude, Not Regret

[38:32–41:08]

• Both express gratitude for their messy, tear-filled journeys, recognizing that falling on their faces taught them the most.
• Sabrina: “I don’t regret a single second of anything I’ve done up until this point…because I would never, ever be able to appreciate what the other side of that looks like.” (39:21)

12. Micro-Habits and Future Self

[41:18–42:50]

• Paige shares her ritual of envisioning her ideal day and integrating micro-habits toward that reality.
• Sabrina’s new practice: learning French each morning, using intentional routines to disrupt anxious thought cycles.

13. Accountability for All Attachment Styles

[46:48–48:20]

• The hosts challenge the narrative that anxiously attached partners must “do all the work.”
• Sabrina: “I’m not a fan of ‘blame the avoidant.’…No, both of you do. It’s everybody coming forward…” (47:53)
• Emphasis on bilateral responsibility for healing within relationships.

14. Enduring Connection & Final Reflections

[49:04–end]

• The friends sign off by celebrating the depth of their bond:

  “True connection, whether romantic or friendship, doesn’t die just because maybe you’re not talking every second of the day. When you have something real, time and distance won’t stop that.” (49:04)

Notable Quotes

• “You were one of the only object permanences that I ever really had.”
  —Sabrina, (04:19)

• “I just thought maybe that's normal for Americans...personally, I thought at the time I was like, she's so brave.”
  —Paige, (05:17)

• “I had to learn to slow down...just because they didn’t answer you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong.”
  —Sabrina, (14:07)

• “Pause. What a pleasure.”
  —Paige, referencing David Guilliam, (14:49)

• “You can stay single as long as you want… it’s easier, because you’re not triggered. But when you get into a relationship, you are going to be triggered in ways you never thought possible.”
  —Sabrina, (25:52)

• “The only difference between the two of us sitting here and anybody listening is the choices that have been made along the line.”
  —Sabrina, (36:33)

• “True connection...doesn’t die just because maybe you’re not talking every single second of the day, but when you have something real, time and distance won’t stop that.”
  —Sabrina, (49:04)

Key Timestamps

• 02:41: Paige’s introduction and beginnings of friendship
• 05:32: Paige recalls Sabrina’s admirable persistence in dating
• 09:54: Realizing the physiological roots of anxiety; therapy beginnings
• 12:54: Sabrina’s panic attack and over-explaining via text
• 14:49: Introduction of the “Pause. What a pleasure” practice
• 19:02: How family and society shape attachment and work beliefs
• 25:52: “You can stay single as long as you want…but when you get into a relationship…”
• 27:09: Deadlift metaphor for reading vs. doing healing work
• 36:33: “The only difference...is the choices made along the line.”
• 45:45: Paige on the bravery of doing internal work
• 49:04: “True connection doesn’t die…when you have something real, time and distance won’t stop that.”

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is intimate, honest, warm, and peppered with humor. Both women model mutual support and vulnerability throughout, offering hope for anyone battling anxious attachment. The episode’s clear message: long-term change comes from consistent small choices, self-reflection, and community. Personal growth is ongoing and non-linear; true security comes not from eliminating anxiety, but from learning to self-regulate and be vulnerable in safe connections.

For Listeners

If you’re struggling with anxious attachment, this episode offers validation and hope. The transformation is possible, but it starts with awareness, personal accountability, and—most importantly—deep connection, both with yourself and with those who support your growth.